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Once upon a time, in a land that is not unlike our own, there lived a man of great power and great compassion. He was loved by his friends and family adored by his town, and just was t---- ass f------ swank with the world. His compassionate powerful awesomeness granted him the title of the king of the universe One day while presiding over an arbitrary meeting between two roaches deciding between the carpet and the nail polish. A fierce wind blew through the world and swept up all the worlds life into a massive tornado. The man shocked and horrified if not slightly aroused, went after this tornado with his well defined pectorals and oiled thighs, to take down the monstrous tornado With mighty blows of epicness, he slashed and bashed at this great tornado but to no avail. The tornado grew too strong and blew faster and harder than ever before. It even grew so powerful that the man could not get near it, for it too would suck him into the mighty swirling vortex. So he decided to do the only thing he knew how to do... After retrieving the massive pipes of many smokestacks, oil rigs, and the lining that connected the internet deep under the sea, he constructed a mighty straw With this straw, he then promptly shoved up his own butthole, no lube at all Once the straw was firmly in place, he then grabbed the other end and pointed it towards the tornado He was clever, because he knew one thing more than anything else and that's tornados can't help but fall into booty straws. So the butt straw of epic proportions vacuumed the tornado into a chaotic spinning enema of godlike proportions. The tornado dwindled smaller and smaller, until like a small zephyr whooshed into infinite nothingness The man had saved the world with his butt, but at a price. For it is written on the back of Aristotles KFC wrapper that when the man will suck the tornado into his bum, the chaotic swirly vortex will blend all his organs into a stew, leaving him to die in a puddle of sexy but gross meat mush. He fell to the earth, thinking about how he saved all the life on earth before his vision went glossy and faded to eternal black. It was a noble sacrifice that nobody remembers, because when the tornado dissipated, everyone fell to the earth and splattered upon the ground and died The end

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rramshackled Follow *Enjoying hyperfixation* I AM SO CRINGE the universal experience pobopolybius +++ Follow *Enjoying hyperfixation* I AM SO CRINGE Be proud of being cringe. Evil even orolith Follow *Enjoying Drive Home* PENTS 239,280 notes 17

sealedbeastnue "what time is it" you ask, i pull out my 2.7 metric ton granite sundial and immediately crush both of your feet, I loudly announce "it is cloudy" Source: sealedbeastnue 10,973 notes D

bunney if ur hair covers ur bu have mermaid hair and are a mermaid i dont make the rules unclewhisky As a man with a hairy chest, I was very, very confused by this post for about ten seconds. sashaforthewin You are a mermaid, sir 80

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Tumblr - The Man and the Tornado

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Once upon a time, in a land that is not unlike our own, there lived a man of great power and great compassion. He was loved by his friends and family adored by his town, and just was t---- ass f------ swank with the world. His compassionate powerful awesomeness granted him the title of the king of the universe One day while presiding over an arbitrary meeting between two roaches deciding between the carpet and the nail polish. A fierce wind blew through the world and swept up all the worlds life into a massive tornado. The man shocked and horrified if not slightly aroused, went after this tornado with his well defined pectorals and oiled thighs, to take down the monstrous tornado With mighty blows of epicness, he slashed and bashed at this great tornado but to no avail. The tornado grew too strong and blew faster and harder than ever before. It even grew so powerful that the man could not get near it, for it too would suck him into the mighty swirling vortex. So he decided to do the only thing he knew how to do... After retrieving the massive pipes of many smokestacks, oil rigs, and the lining that connected the internet deep under the sea, he constructed a mighty straw With this straw, he then promptly shoved up his own butthole, no lube at all Once the straw was firmly in place, he then grabbed the other end and pointed it towards the tornado He was clever, because he knew one thing more than anything else and that's tornados can't help but fall into booty straws. So the butt straw of epic proportions vacuumed the tornado into a chaotic spinning enema of godlike proportions. The tornado dwindled smaller and smaller, until like a small zephyr whooshed into infinite nothingness The man had saved the world with his butt, but at a price. For it is written on the back of Aristotles KFC wrapper that when the man will suck the tornado into his bum, the chaotic swirly vortex will blend all his organs into a stew, leaving him to die in a puddle of sexy but gross meat mush. He fell to the earth, thinking about how he saved all the life on earth before his vision went glossy and faded to eternal black. It was a noble sacrifice that nobody remembers, because when the tornado dissipated, everyone fell to the earth and splattered upon the ground and died The end

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Lucky_Pooch

Lucky_Pooch

Sep 02, 2014 at 12:44AM EDT

lik dis if u cri evertim

+18

aNueUtsuho

aNueUtsuho

Sep 02, 2014 at 02:04AM EDT

The greatest story ever told.
I have become incapable of being sad from reading this.

+8

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