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![A Anonymous @wean 02/15/14(Sat)23:29:14 No.532691 5123 >>532691 756 >>532695674 >>5 ONLY THE DEAD CAN πτ batshit insane story time. Sit down f------ we're goin' in for a wild nde THIS EVIL >still living with parents bc too lazy to do anything >live a pretty good life imo >spend most days jerkin' off, browsing 4chan and playing top quality vidya over >I f------ hated my relatives they always always complained about my vidya habits >saying it's the stuff of the devil and other assorted moralfag/christfag b-------- >constantly asked to use the computer >stayed there doing pointless b------- on IE for about 2 hours me they f------ hogged the TV and I pretty much had to use my Wii U's off-TV play to enjoy vidya and again, they whined and complained >pretty much had to deal with it for the most part >but not this time >already know relatives are spending a few weeks over to help my mom recover from recent surgery cent essons near m >every week I sneakily steal one of the paintball guns and stuff them in my backpack > by the end of the month I had already like 5 paint guns >get leafblower from backyard >buy mini car battery and some tools from radio shack itstime.jpg (cont.) 1 1 . Anonymous 0wom 02/15/14(Sat)23:30:59 No.532691734 >spend my days before relatives' arrival in the basement, tinkering with my amazing creation after weeks of hard work and strenuous modifications I finally am able to do it >a fully functional paintball shooting LEAFBLOWER MINIGUN finish it few weeks before relatives arrive Stest it out on some wooden planks in the basement >breaks 'em like nothing else sohyesnigger.potato >hide it in my room in a place my mom never touches >dad is working overseas as a sailor and mom is gonna do surgery the next day es surgery, everything goes well d granny arrive with mom from hospital >the next day, uncles and >put up with their stupid b------- for 2 weeks they upped the ante now as they now treat me as a slave for their every problem they always yell at me, mom has to stay still in bed for most of the day, every day and can't do s--- try not to lose my sanity and anticipate the big day Anonymous @Uvel@ 02/15/14(Sat)23:32:28 No.532691 910 Ξ >> >mom is fully recovered they stay and talk for a while before starting to pack their things to leave itstime.jpg take out my leafblower paint minigun from basement >glue my mom's iPad to my back using duct tape >put extra paintball mags inside a fanny pack I got for Christmas 2009 >put the browser on the ROBOTS! track of the TF2 OST on YouTube choose and extended version of the track that plays for 10 hours put the volume at the highest level possible > Anon, come say goodbye to your relatives! walking to the living room reach over to my back and press the play button >music starts playing as I walk with my custom made minigun in hand Stime my walk so that mayhem commences at the 50 second mark tar | | ■ Anonymous gouve HD 02/15/14(Sat)23:33:35 No.532692036 >2532692159 >>532692273 >mom notices giant f------ minigun > immeadiately blurts out ANON WHAT THE F--- ARE YOU-" >before she can finish the sentence I point the minigun at my annoying relatives >paintballs hit really f------ hard >minigun shakes like nothing else panic attack g from pairn s are nea >they manage to get to the front door and get out, still screaming >WALLACE WHAT THE F--- IS GOING ON my aunt yells [ ] ■ Anonymous @weD 02/15/14(Sat)23:34:37 No. 5326921 59 Ξ >>532692239 >50 year old uncle falls to the ground and breaks an arm bone >shoot him a little bit before focusing on the others my granny has made it to the car literally yell at them "NOW IS COWARD KILLING TIMEI in thick Russian accent iamheavyweaponsguy.gif >start shooting the car's back window, singing Heavy's song loudly like a maniac >manage to break some of it >granny is getting pelted with paintballs on the back of the head while frantically looking for the car keys ammo >music still playing as loud as it f------ can >go through my fanny pack and put another mag in >l designed the gun so that it could hold more than one mag at a time >as I'm reloading s------- uncle tries to sneak up from behind tries to K.O me but fails >shoot him in the head/eye and he falls unconscious 1 1 . Anonymous @.usean 02/15/14(Sat)23:35:15 No. 532692239 Ξ >>532692463 >9632692483 >>532692658 >>532692765 >>532697072 in a nutshell.ipg (23 KB, 286x323) google igdb PITY THE DEAD >continue shooting the car after reload > meanwhile mom has called cops and I can hear the sirens already >cars already around the corner >pull granny out of car and drive the f--- away >manage to escape officers for about some 15 minutes driving around >l am eventually caught and arrested for attempted murder and possession >tell prison buddies about incident they all treat me like a f------ god, saying I was arrested in the best way SSI >stay in prison for like a month before mom pays so I can leave >grounds me for 2 months and puts me in therapy Ptells me she gave the minigun to the police where it would be properly >she said she's never buying a leaf blower again uncle broke 5 bones KNOW SUCH JOYS Baun ows prso and feaks out at me being mentioned ina coversation >grandma suffered severe head damage and is still in this hospital recovering](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/699/274/e21.jpg)
Top Comments
Tlahtoāni Of KYM
Feb 15, 2014 at 08:46PM EST
Dinonick
Feb 16, 2014 at 12:26AM EST