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: Anonymous GUYWIPES mir 49 KB JPG 11/29/22(Tue)01:29:28 No.71181323 >browsing internet >learn just wiping ur ass with tp is gross >from NA so no bidet toilet >buy these things called guy wipes picrelated.jpeg >didnt want to be a f-- and buy baby wipes >use them over a week and throw the package (they come in little packages) in the trash beside the toilet >my ass feels cleaner >girlfriend comes over for movie night >she has to use the washroom >comes back laughing >"Babe what are guy wipes?" >she saw them in the trash >panic cause I dont want to seem gay >"They are for my beard" >"Haha thats cute" >skip towards my birthday 3 weeks later >girl buys me tons of hipster beauty s--- for my beard >dont want to go back on my lie >start using the beard oils and s--- >makes my face smooth and hair nice >guys at work call me gay now just use tp this s--- made me a f-- at work

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Anonymous DIS-Avowed 11/27/24(Wed)05:30:27 No.695700 VIDEO GAMES 'Avowed' Art Director Matt Hansen Admits To Wanting To Make Elon Musk "Mad" And Hint Game Is Ultra Woke JOHN F. TRENT NOV 26, 2024 - PAID 3 D1 ~ OBSIDIAN MATT_HANSEN ART DIRECTOR OBSIDIAN ENTERTAINMENT OBSIDIAN Matt Hansen the art director for Xbox and Obsidian Entertainment's upcoming fi person fantasy RPG admitted that he wanted to make Elon Musk "mad" with the game. 75486787548769.png 294 KB PNG >"I will make it political just to make chuds mad" >"And i achieved it! i made people mad" >"F--- chuds!" >"Win!" >"W-wait... what's that? my game flopped?!" >"Wait... there are layoffs in my studio? how-" >"P-people didn't like me trying to make them mad!" >"t-they are bigots!" >"F--- gamers! it's rough times for game developers man, this society is failing in so many levels it's unbelievable!" >"Y-you are laughing!, there are families involved and you are laughing!"

File: Screenshot 20241127-155712.png (228 KB, 742x721) Something Happened Anonymous (ID: HG6Lars) 11/27/24(Wed)17:35:15 No.489774321 ► >Polls all indicate a Harris victory, though close >Ann Selzer poll, known as a canary in a coal mine, indicated Harris winning lowa >Trump campaign suspiciously quiet nearing the end of the campaign >Harris campaign had significant energy >North Carolina predicted to be close >Virginia unusually red >The four countries willing and able to f--- with US democracy (Iran, China, Russia, NK) stand to benefit from a Trump win (cause it's destabilizing) >Billionaires cozy up to Trump despite a Harris victory being predicted >TRUMP WINS THE POPULAR VOTE >FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 20 YEARS A REPUBLICAN CANDIDATE WINS THE POPULAR VOTE >WITH AN APPROVAL RATING EQUIVALENT TO CANCER Bros, I'm telling you, something funky happened

☐ Anonymous 11/25/24(Mon) 10:39:13 No. 17295889 >>17295909 >>17295925 >>17295935 >>17295976 >win independence >DON'T devolve into military dictatorship or absolute monarchy >start off with fresh land and an unusually high literacy rate >neighbors are retarded savages who live at the mercy of nature >large ocean between them and European chimpouts >shitgoesdown.jpg >"here tovarish buy my land I need to fund a chimpout" >ok > "here America buy my land, I need to fund my own le chimpout" >ok >"hey America there was a chimpout in Texas we'll join you (and won't secede later) if you help" >ok >*doubles land in two years* It's amazing how well they took advantage of what they had. Many nations have completely fumbled the bag during their development. What went so right?

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Anon realizes what could have been | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous F--- DEADASS? >be me 37 KB JPG 07/04/23(Tue)17:20:37 No.73905484 >in 9th grade >know this one girl in my classes >9/10 hot asf but she's the most annoying bitch I've ever met. >steals my s---, insults me, s---- on my hobbies, tries to humiliate me in front of her friends >hate her guts >one day I've had enough of her s--- and yell at her in the middle of class >her face is bright red and she stops messing with me >constantly tries initiating conversation with me afterward >ignore her or give one word answers >randomly stops me in the hallway and tries to talk to me >I was having a bad day >tell her to f--- off and die >runs away crying and stops talking to me >find out years later from a friend that she had a huge crush on me and bullied me to get my attention cuz thats how I acted with my friends >look her up on insta >she's drop dead gorgeous and in medical school studying to be a neurologist >realize what my life could've been I'm a virgin at 25 f--- everything man

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Atleast anon found his phone and went for a nice stroll followed by a brief swim | /r/Greentext

1h (5/8 12:56) 73244315 1 Re: 0 Img JPG 63KB (600x714) f23.jpg 1 Reply >walking dog >fall into a ditch because I accidentally threw her frisbee in there >Loose my phone without realising until I get home >Go back to look for it >Check the ditch >Fall into it again >Find phone in the process How's your morning going bros? ...

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anon doesnt wash his chicken | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 36 KB JPG 07/04/23(Tue)22:01:39 No.73905264 >Be me talking to coworkers at the office >Mentioning a new chicken recipe and how to prepare it >"Anon you don't wash your chicken?" Thefuckdidujustask.jpeg >"You're not supposed to wash chicken" >Everyone around the office looks at me in shock >Start to panic >Everyone taking this dumb bitches side admitting they wash their chicken >Stutter out that all the good s--- gets washed off and the meat is clean cause factorys blesch etc >"Ya but you have to wash off the gross white slimy stuff" THATSTHEFUCKINGFAT.mp4 >Spend the rest of the night asking coworkers if they wash their chicken >Everyone says they do >Go home >Take out 2 frozen thighs >Wash them >They taste like plain s--- afterwards Did I just get trolled or do retards really clean off meat cuts

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Anon and the dangers of addiction | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 1.48 MB GIF 07/04/23(Tue)09:16:52 No.73901387 >Edge in bed for like four hours straight last night >Not even jerking off anymore, just humping pillow >Constantly mumbling "I love you, I need you" to no one >Finally orgasm in the prone position >Balls feel like someone them in Icy-Hot for a moment >Think nothing of it, try to get some sleep >Not even five minutes later, need to pee >Piss sprays everywhere, comes out like a leaky faucet >The moment I put my underwear back on my entire crotch starts to hurt >Go back into bed, throat is dry and feeling a hot flash >End up tossing and turning because there's this constant dull pain >Brain starts convincing me I have kidney stones or testicular torsion so I panic >Try to drink water, this makes me have to pee five minutes later again >Finally able to sleep but with an increased heart rate, wake up in a literal sweat-drenched heap I think I should stop masturbating. : Anonymous >prone m----------- >as an adult Oh no no no 07/04/23(Tue)09:21:19 No.73901413 >>73901456 # >>73903207 # >>73905470 #

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Anon is an American | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 158 KB PNG 07/04/23(Tue)16:59:02 No.902054269 >be me >American >4th of July >wage massa gave us day off work >no friends to celebrate with, family disowned me long ago >make burger and hot dog for myself >wait till it gets dark and light off a sparkler >coom to some p---- just now >drink a beer and watch the fireworks from my window >remember I couldn't do any of this if I was in China >mfw proud to be an American Happy Merica day bros

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Anon obviously couldn’t take a hint | /r/Greentext

Anonymous F--- DEADASS? >be me 37 KB JPG 07/04/23(Tue)16:20:37 No.73905484 >in 9th grade >know this one girl in my classes >9/10 hot asf but she's the most annoying bitch I've ever met. >steals my s---, insults me, s---- on my hobbies, tries to humiliate me in front of her friends >hate her guts >one day I've had enough of her s--- and yell at her in the middle of class >her face is bright red and she stops messing with me >constantly tries initiating conversation with me afterward >ignore her or give one word answers >randomly stops me in the hallway and tries to talk to me >I was having a bad day >tell her to f--- off and die >runs away crying and stops talking to me >find out years later from a friend that she had a huge crush on me and bullied me to get my attention cuz thats how I acted with my friends >look her up on insta >she's drop dead gorgeous and in medical school studying to be a neurologist >realize what my life could've been I'm a virgin at 25 f--- everything man

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Anon dates a disabled woman | /r/Greentext

File: wwheelchair.jpg (73 KB, 480x480) Anonymous 07/04/23(Tue)22:57:51 No.73905241 ► >be me, single anon; no s---, sherlock >want intimate time with a lady >goes on le Tinder >match with a cutie >speak with her for two weeks, agree on a date >super excited >today, go to meeting point, a bar downtown I suggested >I look like a pretrified idiot >so no seks with cute robogirl I presume >see her waiting in a wheelchair on a table outside the bar >-the f--- is this >go talk to her >she tells me she got into a car accident, that this is something new and she didn't tell me because she thought I would refuse to meet her, also she might walk again someday >ok, that's fair enough, it's true I'm not sure I would have agreed >old back anger, take a deep breath >never f----- with a cripple, might be fun, who knows >sit down, ask if she wants to drink something >young lady quite surprised >order two cokes >genuinely interested on knowing how she's getting thru life >say I'm sorry to have chosen this bar, because it's not easy to access for a disabled person >we start talking, quickly notice something is not right, she's looking more and more uncomfortable, the more she talks, the less her story makes sense >suddently she stands up from her chair >-WAT, BEHOLD A MIRACLE >>proceeds to tell me that it was some kind of pervert social experiment, points a guy behind me, guy waves at me and does a thumbsup >she says that I seem to be a very nice lad and wishes me luck to meet someone nice because I deserve it >I'm ded inside, mortified >she leaves with the guy It was too good to be true, since I didn't have to take the f------ bitch to anywhere and just paid for the two cokes, I decided to use the monies to hire an escort tomorrow. Pic unrelated

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The king does not feel fear at sight of a peasant | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/03/23(Wed) 22:32:32 No.70838867 10 KB JPG found an infinite motivation glitch >be me >21 >6'3 wider than a doorframe >a little chubby, socially awkward and insecure >be at work >pouring water into my bottle >coworker waiting behind me >an hour later overhear him talking with another coworker >"I've gotta get into the gym again. Every new guy that comes is bigger than me" >realize that im not the only one who gets insecure >ff 2 months >read lots of psychology and philosophy books >realize how intimidated everyone is by me since im huge and mostly quiet >decide to become even bigger >start lifting >get noticably bigger muscles >lose some weight >become more confident >talk more with coworkers >social anxiety decreases >mfw its so easy bros just be better than them make them insecure make them doubt themselves

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Anon has a gf | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/04/23(Tue)12:20:16 No.902040238 [Reply] ► So my girlfriend got r---- and beaten. I broke up with her right after she told me. This is what happened: >Dating girlfriend for 7 months. >She wants to go to this sleazy club with her friend. >I told her I didn't want her to go. >Had an argument about it. She was like "You don't own me and I can do what I want." and that b-------. >Told her if she went then I'm breaking up with her. >She said she wouldn't go and dropped it. >Saturday came. >Hadn't heard from her all day. >At 4AM on Sunday she calls me crying. >She says she got r---- and beat up. >She went to the club anyway. Apparently she left alone with some guy and his friend to go to a party. They took her somewhere and beat her up and r---- her. >Had many feelings about this, none of them pleasant. >I told her if she went to the club that I'd leave her and I told her we were over. >She started freaking out and saying she needs me right now and that she was sorry. >Told her never to call me again. >Have been getting rabid hate from her friends and my friends think I was way too cold. >She broke my trust, went somewhere I said not to, was probably going to end up cheating on me anyway and got r---- and beaten over it and I'm suppose to feel sorry for her. I saw her like yesterday and she was pretty beat up, she had bruises and a black eye and stuff. So I do believe she was r---- but this wouldn't of happened if she had just listened to me. Everybody thinks I'm evil. My ex-girlfriend has been trying to talk to me but I have no desire to speak to her. You guys think I was too harsh? I just have a hard time feeling bad when I feel so right...

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Anons brother hates toast | /r/Greentext

Anonymous UJI 1 1/2 1/100/14.00. TO 110.004 11 JUJI >got my brother's spare key because we live a walking distance away >we buy the same kind of bread because that's the same one we had at home >he's a man of schedule, goes shopping the same day every week, he goes on the same walk at the same time of day every day >always hated how irregular my habits are >decide to be a s------- for no reason 85 KB JPG >get a bag of bread on the same day he's gone shopping >toast the entire thing and put it back in the bag >wait until it's time for brother's walk >take my bag of toast and sneak in with my keys >know where he keeps his bread, switch the bag of bread with the bag of toast >toast two slices of bread to make the whole house smell like toast >escape once they're done >make sure I left no mark in the house, touch nothing >make it to home, start gaming >25 minutes later I get a text "I don't know how or why you've done this but I will f------ end you." View Thread

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Anon can't get a word | /r/Greentext

- Oh God! This code is horrible! Who wrote this crap?! S---, It was me. Anonymous 07/03/23 (Mon)22:37:18 No.73896896 [Reply]► >>73896939 >>73896949 >be me, retard >go to word to make some work >See that my office needs the 2019 activation code and the new 2021 activation, and they just locked me out of word (on an important moment) >belive that 2021 activation code will override the 2019 one and easy problem solve >search for instruction on youtube >do everything correctly >2021 is office is officially installed and activated but still locked because I need the the 2019 code >enter the easy general passwords >nothing registers >install the overrider >it basically made the 2021 code useless >uninstall office straight up, realize I should have gone for the 2019 first >install office and the activator code >office instaled, code doenst work, and the 2021 activation code is still required >have till friday to solve this or III get locked again >mfw when I have to uninstall all this random activators, programs and s--- in my attempt to throw everything at the wall I should have min maxed into computer b-------, oh well Anonymous 07/03/23 (Mon)22:42:46 No.73896939 ► >>73896896 (OP) >op trusts a corp in twenty twenty f------ three and gets f----- over Who would have thought. Anyway, just pirate it like the normal people

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Dipper Goes To Taco Bell | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 94 KB PNG 07/04/23(Tue)09:57:45 No.902027857 >>Be me >>Dipper >>Go to Taco Bell >>Hijinks Ensue >>The End

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Greentext Stories - Anon goes through so much effort to not get called "gay" only to get called gay | /r/Greentext

PROTIP: Press the ← and → keys to navigate the gallery, 'g' to view the gallery, or 'r' to view a random image.

: Anonymous GUYWIPES mir 49 KB JPG 11/29/22(Tue)01:29:28 No.71181323 >browsing internet >learn just wiping ur ass with tp is gross >from NA so no bidet toilet >buy these things called guy wipes picrelated.jpeg >didnt want to be a f-- and buy baby wipes >use them over a week and throw the package (they come in little packages) in the trash beside the toilet >my ass feels cleaner >girlfriend comes over for movie night >she has to use the washroom >comes back laughing >"Babe what are guy wipes?" >she saw them in the trash >panic cause I dont want to seem gay >"They are for my beard" >"Haha thats cute" >skip towards my birthday 3 weeks later >girl buys me tons of hipster beauty s--- for my beard >dont want to go back on my lie >start using the beard oils and s--- >makes my face smooth and hair nice >guys at work call me gay now just use tp this s--- made me a f-- at work

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