Facebook / Meta - Vampire

Neat. Let me try. I hope I get something of equal literary quality.
TYPE YOUR NAME: TJ
TYPE YOUR NAME WITH YOUR ELBOW: tfgrjnhm
TYPE YOUR NAME WITH TOUR CHIN:gfv n
SLAM YOUR FACE ON THE KEYBOARD: John Stalvern waited. The lights above him blinked and sparked out of the air. There were demons in the base. He didn't see them, but had expected them now for years. His warnings to Cernel Joson were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway.
John was a space marine for fourteen years. When he was young he watched the spaceships and he said to dad "I want to be on the ships daddy."
Dad said "No! You will BE KILL BY DEMONS"
There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in the space station base of the UAC he knew there were demons.
"This is Joson" the radio crackered. "You must fight the demons!"
So John gotted his palsma rifle and blew up the wall.
"HE GOING TO KILL US" said the demons
"I will shoot at him" said the cyberdemon and he fired the rocket missiles. John plasmaed at him and tried to blew him up. But then the ceiling fell and they were trapped and not able to kill.
"No! I must kill the demons" he shouted
The radio said "No, John. You are the demons"
And then John was a zombie.

Hmm, interesting, I've seen something like this. I shall try it myself! (but for reasons involving dimensional security, I shall only use my username)
TYPE YOUR NAME: JAB
TYPE YOUR NAME WITH YOUR ELBOW: jkasb
TYPE YOUR NAME WITH YOUR CHIN: jjhuaZbv
SLAM YOUR FACE ON THE KEYBOARD: I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m a Christian, but you don’t need to be in the pew every Sunday to know there’s something wrong in this country when gays can serve openly in the military but our kids can’t openly celebrate Christmas or pray in school. As President, I’ll end Obama’s war on religion. And I’ll fight against liberal attacks on our religious heritage. Faith made America strong. It can make her strong again. I’m Rick Perry and I approve this message.