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: Anonymous 02/19/21(Fri)01:15:45 No.62399655 >be in library >have a baby with me >baby goes uh oh stinky poop >foot change the diaper >there's some russian lady, ask her directions for the 63 KB JPG toilets where I can change >responds in broken English, she's also going there >go first >start unwrapping the package >accidentally pull too hard, both legs are now in my hand >baby screams >start sweating, we can fix this >a few moments later the whole baby is disassembled on the changing table and I'm trying to figure out how the brains are supposed to go together like some three dimensional puzzle >f--- this, throw all the baby pieces to the garbage can >walk out, tell the russian lady it's all yours >walk away, hear a woman screaming behind me >wake up Why are all my dreams like this?

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Anonymous 134 KB JPG 11/22/24(Fri)00:56:49 No.695254250 >character has a gas mask Yup, that's a 10/10 design

Anonymous | 67852442 174.6 KB PNG 5 min. ago ●●● >Go to hospital to discuss septum surgery with my mom and gp >Doctor asks if I have any allergies >No >Mom chimes in >Of course you have allergies anon, why else are there so many tissues in your room >Mom remains clueless He f------ laughed he knew

Anonymous 145 KB PNG >be me 11/23/24(Sat) 08:24:24 No.927754455 >Check up on the reddit normies from time to time >"My 85 year old grandfather can't figure out how to use his oven - LOL PAINT CHIPS" >"A man hit on me at the gym so I s--- myself and barked at him and shaved my eyebrows in self defense" >I've gotten my Harris sign stolen and given death threats 15+ times but there's no video" >" Why are republicans so obsessed with trans?" Trans flag pfp > Every comment that has any kind of criticism has 3,000 qualifying statements so they don't get harassed " I'm a gigantic f----- and sucked 30 d---- in 41 minutes, but I don't think blah blah blah" Are these real f------ people?

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Dont put your dick in that | /r/Greentext

< /fit/ salmonella in penis? Anonymous No. 51230182 (8 h) Hi guys, I was cooking last night, making some chicken breasts. I had spilled some soda on my pants, so I was cooking without pants on. I was moving some trays around and I accidentally dropped a chicken breast on the floor. But it hit my penis before it hit the floor. This morning my penis seems like it is inflamed and the peehole hurts if I touch it. Is it possible I got salmonella poisoning? JPG 94.60 KB Anonymous No. 51230183 (8 h) You f----- those chicken breasts didn't you? Anonymous No. 51230188 (8 h) You f----- the raw chicken, didn't you? Anonymous No. 51230192 (8 h) you did

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Anon is a virgin | /r/Greentext

File: download.jpg (4 KB, 225x225) Anonymous 07/21/18(Sat)04:24:59 No.46945190 >Be me >Virgin, 24 years old >Social outcast, no friends >See this thing on the internet >"virgin meetup" >Had nothing better to do with my life so went to the address >Bunch of guys my age, all virgins >Hang around, talk about stuff >They're all pretty cool, stay there late >Look at my watch, I should probably go home >Walk towards the door to leave >They ask if l'm gonna come back another day >Yeah sure >wave goodbye See you later, virgins

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Anon Summarises The Joe Rogan Experience | /r/Greentext

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Anon is a Worthless Degenerate Coomer | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 12/28/21(Tue)00:51:24 No.869462310 >>869464316 >be me >be worthless degenerate coomer >come home from waljob >boot up edge.exe >start with some pornpics cuties >mommy femdom toliet sissy.mov >feels the hunger grumbles but not for c-- >order mcpizza >fappng to some nice teeny feet.jpg >get notification from door camera pizz is here >its a super cute foot model >seen her before in p--- im sure >would you like a 20$ tip m'lady merely spit ito my pizza and i shall reward you generously >she drops my pizza and runs >call mcpizza this bitch is getting fired >where sorry sir well handle this right away >mcpizza calls right back >sir you are banned from mcpizza do not order or call here again the police have been contacted >mcdooralarm >its the cops >what do

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First major injury at the age of 26 | /r/Greentext

>Be me >26 yr old dumbass who joined the Army >Wake up one morning around 12 pm with pain in my lower stomach >Vomits.mp4 >Continues on day like nothing is wrong >4 pm and pain is progressively getting 60 KB JPG worse >Decides to unload one out to some pron >Nothing changes so I take a nap to sleep it off >Actually lessened the pain >fuckyea.jpeg >Orders food around 7 pm, pain intensifies by 100 to the point I can't sit still >Goes to emergency room by 10 pm >Covid has the lobby full but they push me immediately through >WhatTheActualFuck >Doctor comes in to check my testicles as he says they are twisted, right testicle torsion >Untwists but pain is still there >Says I needs to go under the knife >EXCUSEME.PNG >Gives me a shot of fentanyl >Does the exact opposite of what it's intended and im shaking uncontrollably in pain. >On a pain of scale of 1-10, it was 25. >Gets put to sleep, wakes up an hour and a half later in a Gauze like diaper. >Gets told my tesicle was removed and was dead for over 6 hours >Was also told I experience the pain level of childbirth as an adult male. There was no explanation as to how or why it happens but it just happens from as young as 5 to as old as 60 >mfw

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Anon’s homemade brew | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/01/21(Mon)10:29:38 No.848574479 >be me >go take a s--- >take a s--- and piss >get horny >masturbate >c-- in toilet 23 KB JPG >realize only few liquids left >spit in the toilet >remember feminists exists >shed a tear into the toilet >perfect cocktail >pic related 5 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 03/01/21(Mon)10:36:23 No.848574782 >>848574702 # There was already blood leaking from my a------ from the massive s--- i took. >>848574886 # : Anonymous 03/01/21(Mon)10:37:14 No.848574823 >>848574479 (OP) # > blood > gall > vomit > spinal fluid > lymph

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Anon “doesn’t understand cars” | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: y8De0+0A 02/03/18(Sat)20:54:28 No.7275061 >dad buys 2015 Diesel Dodge Ram >6 months later says "I think I'm gonna buy a new truck" >whatthefuck.jpeg >"why you just got a new one" >"I'm gonna buy a 2016. Those diesel Engines last forever" >"then why don't you make your 2015 last forever" 128 KB JPG >says I don't understand vehicles >tfw he's over $70,000 in debt and doesn't understand why Is my dad retarded?

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Anon does not prefer Reddit | /r/Greentext

If there is Hell on the Internet, it's r*ddit If there is Hell on the Intern(...) 12/28/21(Tue)04:48:38 No.353952878 >Haven't been on plebbit for ages >Want to ask a quick question >Super T----- Janny bans me seconds later for breaking one of their 6 gorillion www. rules. 29 KB JPG It's like North Korea there, but run by gay trannies with ADHD. I hate these cucks so much you can't imagine. Why do humans like that exist? 172 Replies / 56 Images View Thread

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Anon is not human | /r/Greentext

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Anon plays soccer | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 12/07/11(Wed)16:28 No.5220706 Reposting my all time favorite greentext. >playing soccer in gym >ball is up in the air >think I'm gonna be awesome and air kick it into the goal >try >miss ball >kick goalie in the face >try to ask "Are you okay?" and "I'm f------ sorry." at the same time >instead end up yelling "ARE YOU F------ SORRY!?" >goalie is choking back tears

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Anon picks a movie | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/28/21(Tue)02:49:42 No.161327844 PICK A MOVIE. KEEP ONE ACTOR. THE REST ARE PLAYED BY MUPPETS. muppets.png 256 KB PNG Well? : Anonymous 12/28/21(Tue)02:50:22 No.161327880 Schindlers list-Ralph Fiennes >>161329353 # >>161329386 # >>161330616 #

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Anon on philosophy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/19/21(Sun)07:46:27 No.19594528 | FILE DELETED Why were so many philosophers/authors coomers? >Rousseau: Exhibitionist and liked to be dominated by older women >Nietzsche: Mastrubator >Freud: Selfexplainatory >Foucalt: P-------- and BDSM fan >De Sade and Masoch: Depraved enough that conditions were named after them >Joyce: Fart fetishist >Henry Miller: Banned for writing too much about his IRL cooming

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Greentext Stories - Anon changes a baby | /r/Greentext

PROTIP: Press the ← and → keys to navigate the gallery, 'g' to view the gallery, or 'r' to view a random image.

: Anonymous 02/19/21(Fri)01:15:45 No.62399655 >be in library >have a baby with me >baby goes uh oh stinky poop >foot change the diaper >there's some russian lady, ask her directions for the 63 KB JPG toilets where I can change >responds in broken English, she's also going there >go first >start unwrapping the package >accidentally pull too hard, both legs are now in my hand >baby screams >start sweating, we can fix this >a few moments later the whole baby is disassembled on the changing table and I'm trying to figure out how the brains are supposed to go together like some three dimensional puzzle >f--- this, throw all the baby pieces to the garbage can >walk out, tell the russian lady it's all yours >walk away, hear a woman screaming behind me >wake up Why are all my dreams like this?

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