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"The Virgin Zagreus" THE CHAD THESEUS Called "king" because he was actually a king Uncharismatic; must bribe people with nectar so they will like him more Thanks onlookers for supporting him Constantly staring at Aphrodite's boobs Compliments friends. shares in their victories and defeats Wears skulls to be edgy Too weak to lift Heracles's Can use both a spear AND a shield at the same time warmup weights Gives people ambrosia when they win against him Fails to launch, serially unable to move out of dad's house Cool enough to become best buds with former battle victims Sassmouths the narrator Olympians give him OP boons Wears hose to hide Dashes to move even when it isn't necessary narrow quads Self-forgiving: doesn't dwell on past failures Bonus: MANDATORY: Has swords, wallscrols on display in room Reles on handouts from extended family Dog istens to dad more than him Inserts self into others' personal business Whole ife is trying and faling to go outside Hands on hips with perfect symmetry Always a winning smile Touts virtues of triendship and camaraderie Keeps rebellious shades from escaping Elysium Doesn't need anyhing more than sporting competition Takes damage from magma even though feet are constantly on fire anyway Only walks when he has to

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Virgin Zagreus vs. Chad Theseus


Uploaded by Sum Lu Zer Dec 05, 2020 at 04:41PM EST

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Origin Entry: Virgin vs. Chad

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Virgin Mars Colonisation -Thinks mars will someday turn out as friendly as Earth from future """terraforming projects"""""" Lives for like 1 year on mars before dying of bone cancer Thin, weak atmosphere -Temperature comparable to a cold day in wisconsin -Will literally never happen. -Elon Musk prob fooled you into thinking this is possible for attention -Barely restraining himself from depression caused suicide Chad Venus suicide mission -Accepts venus' eternal literal manifastation of hell. Can literally swim in the 90 bar air, how cool is that -Survives for like 9 minutes max before his space suit melts and space helmet cracks opencracks -Temperature comparable to sticking your head in a pizza oven. Huge rush of adrelinine and testosterone Can easily be done, only ethics are stopping NASA
Is literally a giant baby Reads books and uses big words like a true virgin The virgin Judge Holden Small size just makes his penis look bigger The Chad Glanton Is the leader, even the Judge must answer to him Hairless? That's kinda feminine bro Has sex with a retard and 12 year old girls Claims to be a judge, but never reveals what he's a judge of. Seriously what the hell is going on with that imbecile? Literally told the Judge to stop being a bitch and to get a new horse Last words are unfathomably based Can never go out in a blaze of glory because he can never die Probably isn't even real, just some kinda metaphor. What a cop out. Banned from returning to Texas probably because he had premarital sex with every woman in the state Keen strategist Zero redeeming qualities yet still loved by all
Self The virgin Zeus Centered f-- demons The one true god, Arceus Secretly allied to Cares for all living things ด Does not tolerate malice Mistreats his own family Allowed humans to be mean Finds excuses to do as he pleases Racist to those he call freaks A family man Encourages being nice and kind 100% pure, humble and truthful Friends to other races, even heroic digimon
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Uploaded Dec 05, 2020 at 04:41PM EST

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Virgin vs. Chad

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virgin vs. chad, hades, zagreus, theseus

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