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4chan - The ballad of /k/ss Missouri | /r/4chan

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File: 300px-Missouri_post_refit jpg (21 KB, 300x216) O Ik/SS Missouri Anonymous 03/03/20(Tue)23:37:32 No.44195026 • >>44195424 >>44195513 >>44197310 >>44197515 >>44198984 ITT: Ik/ acquires, restores and operates the battleship USS Missouri to it's completely extent The ship is in her 1980's modification, CIWS, Cruise missiles and Anti-Ship missiles included. >inb4 use main guns to fire clusters of nugget food as buckshot. O Anonymous 03/04/20(Wed)12:44:59 No.44198685 >>44198708 >>44198803 >>44198955 >>44200618 File: images.jpg (11 KB, 225x225) O Anonymous 03/04/20(Wed)13:54:35 No.44199069 >>44199100 >>44200618 O Anonymous 03/04/20(Wed)15:18:03 No.44199592 >>44199632 >>44199693 >>44199883 >>44200618 O Anonymous 03/04/20(Wed)17:42:37 No.44200532 >>44200575 >>44200618 >>44199475 >complete rank and file disarray on both sides >/k/ss Missouri is out of control with no one at the helm >"press 2" is finally understood by the turret crews as an ammunition loading order but turret 3 interprets it wrong and loads nuclear shells >>44199007 >>44200459 Continuing the True /k/ Ending >Main guns fire >Turret 3 fires its full atomic load into Trap Island >Fifteen seconds to target >ten >five >BOOM >1st day of the /k/cruise >several hundred screaming idiots trying to figure out what to do next >time to plan course of action >let's invade Granada again! >let's go sink the HMS Victory in port >whales spotted off starboard bow. >the Rainbow Warrior, still fighting the blaze, and emerging from the smoke closer then anyone could've imagined, attempts to maneuver broadside the mighty Missouri. >chanting and screaming can be heard "INTERSECTIONĂLITY IS INCLUSION. INCLUSIÓN IS DIVERSITY DIVERSITY IS FEMINISTI" >hundreds of topless skinny vegan feminists, outraged by the misogynistic whaling repeat their war cry and rake the deck >Soviet 155mm shells fly over the bow, or impact harshly on the armor >/k/ommandos are outnumbered and retreat to the citadel and center of ship locking all doors ladders and portals >rear bulkhead is now the thin line separating /k/ from the horde >the choice becomes clear. We are now a whaling vessel >tfw you are violating dozens of international treaties at once >meanwhile turret 3 is shoulder fired forward at MV Esperanza spam sniping APFSDS >large boom, large cloud of smoke, skinnyvegan climbers blown clear of rear superstructure >three seconds later massive triple nuclear explosion >Esperanza is now dust >Nuclear tsunami now gaining on bow of /k/ss Missouri. Great work Anon >Traps are gone >All the best boy p---- that a gun nut could have is annihilated >Bloomberg falls to the ground screaming >Punches obese neckbeard in the face >Before anyone can react, the whole line of /k/ommandos is cut down from behind by hippies >Stench immediately fills the bridge >ContraPoints draws a Ruger 22 caliber pistol from her purse and shoots Bloomberg in the neck severing his spine and killing him instantly >KSG time >KSG anon splatters the hippies and /k/ommandos alike indiscriminately with burning napalm >Watch officer sheepishly stands up behind him >"Nice kill n----" (said in the most white boy way possible) Tbc. >months go by, we grow fat and happy on whale bacon and rich selling ambergrease. O Anonymous 03/04/20(Wed)13:59:49 No.44199100 >>44199125 >>44199165 >>44200618 >no navy gives enough f---- to take risk of loss or expend resources needed to sink a f------ battle ship. >but a challenger approaches >>44199043 >>44199069 >The rainbow warrior, spotted on the horizon, lead vessel in a column of hippy gun boats >gone are the sonic beam weapons, gone are the teargas catapults >40mm bofors and macgyver'd Soviet artillery now orkishly cover the deck >she is low in the water, up armored and loaded to bear with boarders >Meanwhile on bridge >Michael Bloomberg arguing with watch officer about how to finish the fight and make it look bad for Biden >KSG anon comes up onto bridge sees Bloomberg switches cylinders and napalm shells Bloomberg in the face >Bloomberg hit in the chest and knocked to the floor >Draws his derringer >Sirius breaks in half and sinks >general quarters is sounded >the helo lifts off, the main guns turn to face the rudders strain under tons of water pressure with quickly executed maneuvers >Hippies in the cutters now madly swimming through an expanding cloud of blood in the water >Solo breaks formation to avoid the burning wreckage ahead bowling over and drowning her own allied swimmers in the water >/k/ss Missouri turret 3 is loaded tbc >opens fire into Solo >somehow one single anti personnel shell hits the Solo and explodes under the funnel >the f------ in turret 3 had no communication with turret 2 without internet and didn't see turret 2 shoulder fire anti personnel shells because the idiots in the rangefinders were looking the Tbc. >>44200422 Continuing the Night /k/ Ending >Full main battery fired >Forward guns haven't loaded propellant and immediately blow their own barrels off >Turret 3 fires its full atomic load into Trap Island >Fifteen seconds to target >ten >five >BOOM >Traps are gone >Watch officer shouts "Yeet" >Shoots KSG anon's left cylinder igniting six primers shattering shells and covering him in flaming napalm >Calls his dad to explain he is now on a sinking battleship in the middle of nowhere surrounded by sunken peacenik scrap iron and dead hippies The End. O Anonymous 03/04/20(Wed)12:51:23 No.44198708 >>44198955 2>442006 18 wrong way >full 16 inch shell full of submunitions explodes inside Solo gutting the inside of the ship O Anonymous 03/04/20(Wed)15:22:34 No.44199632 >44200618 >>44198685 >the anon operating the steam generators frantically tries to figure out what is going on and why the boomer who served on the ship as an 18yr old enlisted that was elected captain keeps demanding "more juice" >Rainbow Warrior blazing end to end with no sails is still working her foredeck gun >angry feminists on deck throwing rocks knives and sporadically firing 22 >goes straight ahead of the shoulder aimed main guns >is now in potato range of Missouri and right alongside her >Phalanx CIWS is now full force spam firing into the deck of Rainbow Warrior >tracers setting everything on fire >/k/ommandos and feminists now deck to deck jumping >>44199592 I have to add this >Beanbag bounces off Bloomberg's stomach >Napalm aimed for Bloomberg's face instead melts the navigational table behind him >KSG anon pumps and reaims >Ordered to stand down by watch officer, who then shoots Cory Booker dead >Cory Booker's flare gun falls into the ammo feed of the port side forward CIWS which is still firing blindly at small craft in the water >CIWS eats it and f------ explodes >Millions of tracers burn in all directions O Anonymous 03/04/20(Wed)13:10:08 No.44198803 >>44198828 >>44198955 >>44200618 File: BB61_USS_lowa BB61 broads(.).jpg (1.6 MB, 2354x3000) >>44198685 Cont. Tbc. >no one has a clue what to do, the enemy armada is still several miles away, but closing >frantically manuals are being read and ŠOPS are being googled >the bridge gets the call, turret 1 has managed to properly load a round >the bridge goes quite for a moment while big brain anons look at the fire controls >"we can fire, but we don't have an aiming solution. O Anonymous 03/04/20(Wed)14:03:12 No.44199125 >>44199230 >>44200618 O Anonymous 03/04/20(Wed)15:31:01 No.44199693 >>44199832 >>44200618 O Anonymous 03/04/20(Wed)17:47:57 No.44200565 >44200618 >>44200623 2>44200645 File: events-first-world-war-ww(.).jpg (142 KB, 1300x969) >>44199100 Adding this >>44199592 Meanwhile in turret 3 >>44200459 >Some f----- zoomer yells "YEETI" pushes past and yanks the trigger >brief pause in commotion as the thunderous shockwave rolls through the ship >three seconds later a splash >yeet yelling zoomer kicked off the bridge with prejudice as everyone cheers >shot was in the ball park >suddenly anon looks up from phone >every anon on board is going nutz trying to get the show rolling >/k/ss. Missouri is heading directly towards the hippy fleet, firing canons nearly at random, scoring no hits. >somehow a missile is launched. >Teenage watch officer turns up his eurobeat and orders "drifting" maneuvers >Rainbow Warrior stays close but falls back to Missouri's helicopter deck level >/k/ss Missouri's wake puts out the fires on Rainbow Warrior >CIWS tracer fire immediately restarts all of them >vegan feminists continue to pour onto ass end of /k/ss Missouri Cont. >"that can't be right." >"its what it says. Right there." >"yeah but. it can't be right." >"look, the bottom deck guys sent it up the elevator. They said the bridge ordered it loaded." >"Do you really trust those guys? The last thing they sent up the elevator was a dragon dildo." >"look man, I'm sure if it was seriously going to be a problem someone would've caught it." >"I just. I'm not sure about this nuclear s--- man. This could be bad" >"f---, just help load it. If s--- gets retarded we don't have to fire >"fine. I sure hope that boomer on the bridge knows what he's doing." >"NO000l" Screams Mike as Turret 3 fires a full salvo >KSG anon has a single tear roll down his face >Watch officer teen takes up a salute >/k/ommanods on bridge begin mowing down the hoard >The magazine guy's are high off their asses and disassembling warheads >the traps.. never knew what hit them >Mike falls to his knees. He's drooling and muttering >Nearly catatonic, Bloomberg is alive, and in custody O Anonymous 03/04/20(Wed)14:08:31 No.44199165 >4419 >>44200618 >it leaves its tube on a vertical climb. and never comes back down. >>44199100 >The Rainbow Warrior's last suicidal attempt at glory is repelled >her deck now nothing more then a vegan barbecue, her hull a cremation box, as she lifelessly drifts as the Missouri steams into the smoke >but deep in the belly of the battle ship, the fighting continues. >the closing moments of the great battle dawn as anons and hippies are forced to fight in the bowels of the steel leviathan >the Rainbow Warrior prepares its retort, as the scent of unwashed hippies is about to be cleansed with glorious smoke and cordite. Tbc. >the deck of the mighty Missouri is covered from bow to stern with spent brass, bodies, whale innards, smoke, scotch marks and for some reason, barbecue sauce. >KSG anon looks over the scene. World of war thunder anon beside him. >"where do we go now anon?" >"I don't know man. Though you know, I'm pretttty sure that helicopter with the last of the traps couldn't have made it to the island in time. Suppose finding them is a good start" >A voice pipes up from the deck. "WAIT! WAIT!" "Uh yeah?" "Well i was wondering. Was all this.. /k/ino?" O Anonymous 03/04/20(Wed)15:50:56 No.44199832 >>44200344 >>44200618 O Anonymous 03/04/20(Wed)13:16:00 No.44198828 >>44198939 >>44198955 >>44200618 >>44199693 What was happening in the magazine >two guys smoking crack cocaine out of a mosin using the chesnokov method >order comes over the radio to press 2 >"press 2? what in f--- does that mean?" >"i don't know man we don't have a computer down here." >"maybe he means press 2 on the radio?" >"the radio doesn't have number buttons, are you f------ high?" >"listen kid i played this game called world of war thunder a while ago and you could press 2 to get nuclear shells. i only ever played this thing called the KV something but it never failed." >"okay whatever you say man i swear you seem a little high right now.. >"well i'm not the one who sent the turret crew a dragon dildo but believe what you want" O Anonymous 03/04/20(Wed)14:20:30 No.44199230 >>44199303 >>44200618 >>44198803 >17 year old officer of the watch who plays a lot of world of warships orders secondary battery fire and tells the local fire control to "ctrl click the sailboat" >local fire control has no f------ idea what to do >forward firing secondaries open fire at random >in the commotion the Rainbow Warrior is hit dismasted and set on fire end to end >Greenpeace hippie corvettes Sirius and Solo return fire with foredeck mounted Koksans and 122 mm smoothbores sponsoned off the superstructure >many shots are missed >many shots are bounced on Missouri forward turrets >lucky 17 cm shell smashes through the upper bridge >boomer is dead >computer ppl are dead >zoomer f------ dead >mobile hotspot on the bridge down >officer of the watch is behind 17 inches of ammor and is fine >>44199165 >>44199125 >In one final desperate attempt to sink the /k/ss Missouri the Rainbow Warrior's crew manhandle a Shkval onto deck >Never mind that the drop gear on the aft deck is melting Fin. >guy itt who got blown in a cruiser engine room is on the aft deck manning the pintle nuggets >shoots the Shkval motor >nothing happens >oh well The /k/SS Missouri >Shkval loaded into bow carriage as the Rainbow Warrior's list increases to 15 degrees >Flash welded to the tube in seconds and fully stuck but the feminists who came from below decks to replace the semi-trained crew have no idea >One of them finally opens the ball valve to blow the torpedo out >torpedo motor starts >torpedo isn't moving >because there is a f------ 7.62mm round jammed in the nozzle >torpedo starts to slowly expand like a marshmallow in a microwave >feminists jumping into water O Anonymous 03/04/20(Wed)15:57:54 No.44199883 >>44199926 >>44200224 >>44200618 >>44199592 Cont. Tbc. >A zoomout of the dramatic situation >the bow of the Missouri has a gaping hole from the destruction caused by the tomahawk >luckily >the anons are packed into the citadel, vigorously defending the portals that connect >vegans, activists, and hired Somali future astronauts are clambering up the conning tower to reach the bridge >KSG anon and World of Warships watch commander are about to hear Bloomberg reveal his plan >The battle outside has slowed, with the remaining CIWS out of ammo and having few remaining targets >Turret 3 takes the wet sock out of the loudspeaker and listens intently to the bridge negotiations. O Anonymous 03/04/20(Wed)13:30:53 No.44198939 >>44198955 >>44199001 >>44199007 >>44200618 hate portals were ealed to con gas, the ship is afloat >>44198828 >the casualties leave the larping anons in physiological shock >a scream is heard piercing through the 5" gun batteries that have just come online >"BOARDERS OFF THE. uh. umm. ASS END OF THE BOATI >anons deeper in the hull are already clambering over each other trying to get topside, getting caught on every single piece of protruding metal that can hook onto their gear >as they come out into the sun, they see dozens of small craft on the approach >at this point the fleet is not miles, but only hundreds of yards away >stray fire hits the bulge >KABOOM >rocket motor explodes showering the bow of the Rainbow Warrior with two thousand degree fire >Motor oxidizer intensifies the fire >Rainbow Warrior sinks with all hands in thirty seconds the resolution? I'll leave that for my fellow narrators. >meanwhile, aboard the /k/ss Missouri herself, the battle rages. Tbc. Anonymous 03/04/20(Wed)16:54:49 No.44200224 >44200272 >>44200381 >>44200618 O Anonymous 03/04/20(Wed)13:40:57 No.44199001 >>44199043 >>44200618 O Anonymous 03/04/20(Wed)14:30:33 No.44199303 >>44199450 >>44199475 >>44200618 >>44199883 Cont. >>44199230 >>44198939 >glorious deck to deck fire begins >both sides armed with an absolute fuckgigantic number of nuggets >air filled with tens of thousands of 7.62 x 54 mm rounds as sailors and soldiers on both sides work the bolts >hippies aim is the lowest quality seen since tsushima >hippies on deck of the mass number of cutters now pulling ahead of the wrecked sailing yacht are focused by panicked /k/ommandos >casualties immediately start mounting >/k/ommandos now assaulted by the stench of dead hippies bleeding out on deck with more hippies climbing over their bodies to replace them >152 mm smoothbore hit from Esperanza destroys /k/ss Missouri's bow swivel nuggets >Mike Bloomberg gasping for air, stands up, derringer raised at the only man left on the ship that has cursory knowledge of how to navigate it, the watch anon >"I was "gasping* never about the guns. I don't give a s--- about the guns. >KSG anon looks around, the human pile of activists and pirates are closing in, slowly and foreboding. >"Then why? Why drop out of the presidential race just for this? You funded green peace and hired all of these goons for the whales?!" >"You fooll Not the whales anon! The TRAPS! It's always been the traps I'm after! Since I first came to power all I've ever wanted was an endless supply of boipoosie. But they rejected me at every turn! They hid among the gun nuts knowing that I could never reach them so long as they had allies. >The watch officer nervously starts reaching around, this must be heard. By the world. He rests his hand on the intercom. The whole ship stops fighting as they listen in. >"Hand over the traps, tell me where they are, I crave their succulent man booty like a wolf fights for red meat If I can't have the traps, no one can. >Turret 3, ready to fire their atomic ordnance knows what they must do. With heavy hearts, they adjust the turret 133° from stern >"Heh, nice dubs on the adjustment Are we really going to do this?" >"I dont think the /k/ube has given us a choice anon, it's the only way we can save the guns." >"but. but they didn't do anything wrong. >"what? Are you some kinda f----- too? Of course they did. That's why we dropped them off on that sand bar to begin with." Back on the bridge: >"So what will it be anon? I have billions still to donate, I have many more peopie I can buy, and I will never stop until every. single. trap. Has rubbed this old scrote." Cont. >anon who has been on suicide watch the whole jourmey for owning a KSG left unattended in the chaos >fires at the first half naked bone thin vegan through the portal >buckshot tears through the calcium deprived bones and blows a perfect hole >the skinny flops to the floor >tears of joy in his eyes he whispers "my time to shine" as he tops off and makes his way to the bridge 69 Tbc. >meanwhile in the conning tower >Turret 2 has loaded >panicking watch officer sees little destroyer icons in his head and orders the main guns fired into the cutter swarm >three shots in a row miss amidst cries of "YEET" >splinter damage clears the decks of the cutters then the water starts roiling >at that point the turret crew realizes they fired anti personnel rounds >thousands of submunitions explode in the water ruining the hulls of the cutters and popping leaks everywhere >many /k/ommandos who had just come up through the deck are thrown overboard by the blast wave of the guns >cutters start to sheer off and take on water O Anonymous 03/04/20(Wed)14:55:34 No.44199450 >>44200618 >>44199303 >casualties now mounting on the ass end helicopter deck >Heroes of both sides now fighting tbc. >Julian Lennon shot dead >Paul Watson crushed by a depth charge >guy itt who got blown in a cruiser engine room beaten to death manning his pintle nugget to the last round >Vitaly Ivanovich Chesnokov torn apart by starving ethnic vegan cannibals >UTV dead surrounded by mangled corpses with a hockey stick clutched in his hand Tbc, O Anonymous 03/04/20(Wed)17:03:11 No.44200272 >>44200381 >>44200459 >>44200618 >>44200224 O Anonymous 03/04/20(Wed)13:42:14 No.44199007 >>44199043 >>44199069 >>44200618 >17 year old watch officer leaves the conning tower with his dad's M1 Garand >an instant later a 155mm APFSDS round from MV Esperanza penetrates the /k/ss Missouri's conning tower killing everyone else inside Cont, >>44198939 Cont. >KSG anon raises his shotqun "I'm going to end this now Mike." >"you fooll Strike me down and every penny of my fortune, all of my stocks cashed out, all of my properties sold, everything,. goes to the democratic party You kill me, and it's only a matter of time!" >MV Gondwana attempts to radar quickscope Missouri to destroy the rest of the superstructure >Radar goes on and immediately attracts an anti-radiation Tomahawk that the idiots on /k/ss Missouri didn't understand and fired unguided >Radar mast atomized, entire ship abaft the forward superstructure now on fire >Bow gun tries to abort firing >Crushed by burning mast causing an ammo detonation blowing off the whole bow >the boarders firing randomly as their swift boats dodge whale carcasses that are being roiled of the stern >the Sirius is being sent to the bottom by torrential small ams fire and the occasional 5" shell hit >the hippy fleet, emboldened by their hit on the bridge continue to close distance taking heavy casualties >anons are becoming more competent in their roles. >depth charges are launched from catapults, landing on the deck of the Sirius >seconds later. >nothing happens >"good job f----- that would have been co- >the charge goes off, sending stinky hippy bits into the air showering the deck of the /k/ dreadnought tbc O Anonymous 03/04/20(Wed)17:31:19 No.44200459 >44200532 >>44200565 >>44200618 O Anonymous 03/04/20(Wed)14:59:02 No.44199475 >>44199551 >>44199592 >>44200618 >>44200272 >>44199303 Cont. Tbc. Cont. >The battle between morbidly obese anons and emaciated vegans rages in the passageways of the /k/ss Missouri. >blood on the bulkheads, guts dangling from the old equipment that lines the halls >ricochet bullets and fingers jammed in portals cause as many casualties as the fierce hand to hand combat >whale juices and fat make every surface slippery and hazardous >the boarders are attempting to take the bridge >teen watch officer screaming into the intercom nonsensical orders >entire bottom deck has to be sealed off because some anon thought this was a good time to make mustard gas with the cleaning equipment >the mighty Missouri has no onea >the KSG anon is only a flight of stairs from the bridge when he hears an old man's voice and the squeaky watch officer >he listens in, it sounds like a negotiation. >suddenly the loudspeaker on the bridge speaks up >"Bridge this is turret 3, we are aimed and ready to fire on the trap hideout. Nuclear ordnance is loaded and ready to fire. Have that old f----- stand down if I again." >Mike Bloomberg stands there stunned. "You wouldn't. You.. you would never. traps have always been part of /k/! >KSG anon lights a c--------, a loud clang is heard as /k/ommrads with morning stars chop their way to the tense standoff. >KSG anon is now flanked by Hawaiian shirts and plate carrier richfags with their Gucci gear and ars on his left, and an obese neckbeard with SKS on his right. >"You see Mike, /k/ isn't so simple. You think we want the traps, but all we've ever really been after is a place where we can be ourselves. And isn't that what a trap is? Some f-- who just follows their impulses? When our interests are constantly under attack, a place like this becomes home. At the end of the day, all we've ever wanted more then the things to defend ourself with, was a place worth defending. >Mike is shaking, a few words stumble out "If you kill me. >"That's right Mike, we aren't going to kill you. Turret 3? F------ send it." ever wants to f--- a trap O Anonymous 03/04/20(Wed)13:49:52 No.44199043 >>44199100 >>44200618 >>44199001 >>44199007 >cutter fleet ruined >Farley Mowat, Jairo Mora, and John Paul Joria are stopped dead flooding and going down while being whelmed in a wave of 7.62mm rounds >Sailing cutter Fri hits a dead blue whale thrown overboard >gets stuck prow first in a blue whale carcass and f------ sinks >depth charge aimed for Sirius hits the sinking ship and pulverizes every single thing >combination of shredded steel hippie carcasses and a dead whale float to the surface >three sinking cutters now taking on pink water the helm, it streams over and crushes small hostile craft beneath its mighty bow Tbc. Tbc. >Sirius' foredeck Koksan hit by a 5" shell >Massive ammo detonation >Tank guns on the bridge sponsons caught in the blast >Wreck of the Sirius is now pouring yellow TNT smoke while sporadic explosions destroy what's left of her >Over a thousand hippies vaporized in explosions or burned to death stuck to the deck by boiling TNT

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