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Warhammer 40,000 - Some deep lore right here

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fiyabwal Warhammer 40k orks are just a shitpost. Reading up on the lore of them is a true test because they're so absurd you cant tel the dufference between theory and actual canon S--- i've read -every one possesses a form of psychic willpower that affects reality technically could not be killed, but a human taunting them described how he would kill them so they became killable -they believe the color red increases speed so it does, including their enemies ships they believe the color yellow makes explosions more powerful, so it does they believe the color purple is stealthy so anything purple that they see is now invisible they have windows on their spaceships to do drive-by's because they dont know theres no air to breathe in space their guns dont actually have any proper functioning parts. But since they believe its a gun, its now a gun an out of ammo imperium squad once used empty guns to kill orks by shouting bang and since the orks didnt know they were empty it still killed them. And now my personal favorite -while the emperor is believed to be kept alive by continuous sacrifices of his own techpriests. It is believed that the only reason the emperor is still alive is because the orks believe he is alive I cant tell what is true and what is made up because it all reads like that Orks are the one faction that makes the Warhammer 40000 setting appealing to me WAUUUUUUUUUUGH -Orks have a gun that fires goblins THROUGH HELL to strike their enemies "Supa fast (a feat which is deemed impossible by all other factions) -Orks have very few actual organs and are like 90% fungus Like most actual fungus, Orks reproduce with spores that are constantly being spewed from their bodies -Ork psychers(magic users) are so volitile that they will sometimes just explode, sometimes taking half the army with them. This can be prevented by giving the psycher a stick wrapped in copper wire -Orks decided to weaponize this by cutting off the psycher's limbs strapping him down to a cart, throwing him into the middle of the battlefield, then taking away the stick and running away -Due to the lack of any real organs, and reproduction with spores, orks lack any form of genetalia. However, Ork painboys(doctors) will sometimes graft fingers or lumps of skin to an ork patient that look like penises just for s---- and giggles. This is typically done without patient consent and may result in the doctor's dismemberment Ork ships tend to have massive amounts of thrusters and rockets on them, all wired up to a single massive red button for the captain to smash In any sane universe, 9/10 ork vehicles would explode after turning on the ignition -Orks are actually one of the oldest races in the galaxy, and were created by god-lizards to fight against giant, metal, sun-eating vampire gods and their robot skeleton slaves Orks are the equivalent to the black knight in Monty Python and the Holy grail, being able to be completely dismembered and continuing to fight (and still being a fairly sizable threat) -If an Ork can find his dismembered limb and staple it back into place, he will be able to reuse that limb The orks once were capable of building AN ENTIRE PLANET completely out of scrap metal A prominent ork strategy is to swarm millions of orks onto an asteroid or moon, then slam them into the planet's surface, effectively acting as makeshift landing crafts -In old lore, the way that orks communicated across massive battlestations and walkers was that certain orks were capable of yelling SUPA SUPA LOUD instead of having an actual pulmonary-poultry A ittle bit more on orks: Painboyz (as well as ork technicians, called Mekboyz) have an in- bom knowledge of their given craft. Mekboyz pop up out of the ground with a basic knowledge of constructing simple machines and likewise Painboyz are born with a pretty good idea of which fleshy bits go where inside an ork. ork youths (or yoofs) often become frustrated with older orks always telling them they can do whatever they want, so they join up with the Stormboyz, where they perform such rebellious acts as saluting and respecting authorities, marching and performing drills in near-perfect synchronization, and strapping unstable rocket-engines to their backs to hurl themselves at the enemy the ork gods are Gork and Mork, one of which is Brutal (but Kunnin) and the other is Kunnin' (but Brutal). The orks usually can't all agree on which is which but general consensus is that Mork is the god of clobbering someone when they're not looking, and Gork is the god of clobbering someone when they are looking orks are naturally bald, but still sport impressive topknots and mohawks thanks to organisms called hair squigs. These smal parasitic orkoids possess coats of disproportionately long, thick hair and will instinctively clamp down on whatever fleshy surface they are pressed against (usually an ork's scalp) and never let go. There is a larger variety known as a beard squig, which, predicably, is typically attached to the chin. one time an ork was accidentally sent back in time and used the opportunity to kill his past self so he could have a spare of his favorite gun

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John Mirra

John Mirra

Jul 18, 2018 at 01:59PM EDT

+12

UltimateAlucard

UltimateAlucard

Jul 26, 2018 at 10:23AM EDT in reply to Brother Ezeekiel

That's not even the whole of it. The Guardsmen and Commissar proceed to literally have what amounts to a LARP with an army of Orks. They're outnumbered and all of their men are dead. They are both of out of ammo so the guardsmen does the whole, BANG thing.

After some time, the Commissar picks up a rock, says it's an anti-tank grenade and throws it at an Ork Trukk. The Trukk blows up.

The rest of the account details how the commissar and the guardsmen star having what amounts to a shouting match with them and the Orks over what kills what.

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