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Greentext Stories - Temple of doom

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Be in first grade, private school (public school district I'm in is notoriously awful and dangerous Othar kids are all aiready friends because thair rich parents are co-workers Shogun you look lonely, you should go play with that boy over there Kid's playing tetherball by himself and going realy hard Ain't no need to call the police Whiffing every other shot with rage and then asks to hold my hand I don't know what to do so w "alk to lurch 1ogether and sit next to each other Kid takes out two Sandwich is a ittle bit of jelly and pats of f------ bune Gnger kid screams out YOU MADE THEM WRONG THEY'RE WRONG WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYr Clearly doesn't get paid enough for this s---, sends me to take him to the nurse's office Find out his last name is Temple According to both Temple and the teachers, I'm his new best friend And 50 begins 귀 story 5panig elementary and middle school where my social life and 5arity were destroyed by this kid Anonymous 01/02/16(Say07 38 36 No 660862303 トー601ssss.memecs Tums out that even among the other first graders, Temple is known as a f------ weirdo >Has been given the nickname "The Temple of Doom >I have no trends so I play ith him at recess and suff spisode at school involving someone informing him that his penc is ane, in fact not roc kstships from Mom invites a paydate polite >Go over there after school the next day, Temple of Doom tells me that his parents are aliens, he's an alien, and his little sister is the alien queen and they're going t Get to his house, his sister's a year younger and immediately spits on me, hugs me, and starts screaming His dad's home,I wave to him >meanwhle Temple of Doom has his hands down his pants and is squiming and moaning laves bathroom door open, stands ike 3 ht (approx 1 meter in his English brain) away from toilt and the Temple family are aliens closet for the rest of the time im there till my mom picks me up 41:00 No 660052709 . First and second grade continue with this s--- kid does loads of weird stuff, cries and screams Our moms met when my mom came to pick me up the first time they became best friends My mom is generally unikeable and has no friends besides the mother of the Temple of DOom Mom forc es me to keep being friends with the weirdo so she can hang out with his cool mom 3rd Grade Temple of Doom This pravents me from making new friands, so I play with him at ro 90 Temple of Doom screaming at the top of his lungs whenever he goes, it's like 6ft off the ground and 8 t long l'm behind him and I push him to help him get some speed, I feel this wam wet splatter hit my face l slowly process flooded Kids giggling gleefully as piss trickles down his leg. it's neverending he screams out-It's so warm it feels like a warm bath" Anon, take Temple of Doom to the nurse's office and get him changed l chase him down til 1 find him hiding out behind the dumpste l sit there in silence as he makes pattems on the ground using trash Thank you human for not revealing my secret. You will be the last to die in the invasion mom comes to pick him up in about 15 the summoning signal actualy worked nis → toward the end of third grade Mom damped me off the library for a few hors while she went and did who knows what Head ibrarian (we're stil bros to this day) shows me that they have a comic book section l check out a few and bring them to school for silent reading time of Doom after I was done back the next day They smell of urine she's now obsessed with superheroes and that the only game we are alowed to play Temple of Doom's super hero is named Strong Ma We play superheroes during recess every day for a week, sometimes other kids play with us loo Most of them are there to spectate Temple of Doom's actions as his alter-ego, Strong Man He sprinted at people and tried to stab them to death with his "razor sharp nose Besides generie Superman fare Strong Man's other power was being half man and half woman According to Temple of Doom、 ths halves were divided vertcaly den the mdde tle would also pick his nose and collect boogers inhis mouth to spit people This move was called the snot hy par beam or something lke that, and it was a living nightmar Temple of Doom/Strong Man spant roc ess hocking booger-nfused loogies at girls for about a weak before another kid called him out on his sht best triand of my 3rd grade crush teils him to stop acting ike a retard (shiny new bad wond for 3nd gradars) Temple of Doom starts to got angry "1 am the alien king you can't t Temple is running into the wind and hocking loogies at the girl, but they're blowing back in his face The kids don't stop running till the clever girl darts into the ladies room Temple of Doom, stll in STrong Man superhero mode, tuns to me Beneath the slime I can see the biggest shial eating grin on his face The left side of him half-woman so he shuffles with his shoulder forward toward the gistom door l leap at him, shouting nooood" and grab him around the waist and manage to bring him down We're about 2 feet awaly from the girls room door, it opens and out comes my crush and her friend She sees me laying on the ground face down on top of temple of Doom, arms around his waist -4th grade now, Temple of Doom gets into YuGiOh aler watching the show once at my house Temple of Doom's family doesn't have TVs because, as his mom told me, they used to have one but Mrs. Temple and the kids sat in front of it for 3 days straight, not sleeping, with only bathroom and food breaks Watched one episode of YuGiOh atl my house whie I begged for him to go play outside Bought a deck of cards, camed it around with him everywhene This will become important later They perfom in front of the whole school, elamentary school goes up to 4th grada so i'm in the front now program In the playiskit, Tample of Doom is supposed to proband to pee his pants because he was scaned of a ca >Pulls YuGiOh cards out his pocket and begins to s-- and starts to run around the stage > Draws cards that are soaked with pi55, cals out ther name弓and fings them nto the adence Temple of Doom is berserk and screeching and sobbing untl he runs out of YuGiOh cards The heart of the cards has failed me" or something to that effect soon as I stand up he nuns to me and hugs me Standing thene, in front of the entre school with a sobbing, piss-soaked alion king hugging me Temple of Doom's parents had anothar kid, don't want to have to pay for private school for 3 kids in the future so they move Temple and his younger sister to public. Thay ive in a good district anyway so I don't got this treat very ohen >F emple of Doom gets a vanilia ice cream cone because all that crazy has to be balanced out by some degree of boning. I guess be chocolale. Nothing else will do WHY THE F--- DID YOU ASK FOR VANILLA Temple of Doom casualy f------ chucks the cone out the window and i f------ splats on the driver's side window of a car in the lane next to us Car screeches to a halt, mother of the Temple of Doom stops the van Temple of Doom shouts out the window give me back my ice cream or I will destroy you Anonymous 01/02/16(Sarce 2316 No 660858950 -simaanasonas sseaza in 8th grade now, social life at school getting much better since he doesn't go there anymoe Hn the worst decision made on U S 5에 5nce gong into Vietnam, his parents buy him an xbox and a tv for hi5 birthday with CoD. This kid is She has shaved off all of her eyebrows and cut off her eyelashes because lunacy nuns in the family Hello Anon do you find my NOPE right the f--- past her up to the rolative safety of Temple of Doom's 0OCD-levell organized room l secently saved up lawnmowing dosh to get two arsoft guns, I bring tham with ma Temple is mesemized by xbox, doesn't even notice me walk in and I stand thare yelling at him for 10 minutes After letting him beat me at CoD so he wouldn't have an episode, I unplug the xbox and convince him to go outside to use my airsoft guns Show him how to use Loads the airsoft gun, bamels toward him Shoots him with airsoft 8Bs until I wreste the gun away from him Both our moms saw this from the ktchen window Mom finally sees how craty he is, that's the last time I ever sam Temple of Doom in person Reputation sticks with me but is fading, students from surrounding public schools who don't know me funnel into my private HS while other kids leave 9th grade goes smoothly, I'm even elected class president (class only has 100 kids in it) 10th grade, have the best teacher of my life >It's english class and we have this new girl from some public school, super smart but hasn't said a word the whole year ofputting up with Temple of Doom have given me good sense of humor nglish teacher has us read a short story about a guy embarrassing himself, asks us to tell any funny embamass yourself stories story -l tel the pool one of Doom's full name and describe him vividly New gi suddenly says her irst thing she's ever sad all year She had been in the same school as Temple of Doom and had bean in English class with him for a few years Only thing he'd ever wnte about was stones involving him and teh only other member of his people, his best friend A-(again, my name. Me.) and he'd share them with the whole class legend among their English class -l had survived the Temple of Doom mfw Temple of Doom, even 2 years later, still wrote stories about me (most of them involving invading and taking over the earth

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Z. Moderator

Jan 02, 2016 at 07:01AM EST in reply to Freakenstein

Weed

+12

Freakenstein

Freakenstein Moderator

Jan 02, 2016 at 05:58AM EST

How could he go through all that without descending into madness?

+4

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