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+59

Twitter / X - UK kebab experience

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@GreyTheTick The problem with Canada's kebab places is they're too clean and healthy I want a proper British kebab. 208 am 11 Aug 15 @GreyThe Tick I want an angry brown man who is 94% beard to hand me a congealed slab of suspicious meat drenched in 209 am 11 Aug 1 Like I can tell you the kebab I'm eating right now isn't a real kebab because i'm eating it while sober 2:11 am 11 Aug 15 @GreyTheTick The Kebab shop is always ran by a huge dude called Amir. Amir does not speak English. He does speak every other language in the world. 220 am 11 Aug 15 @GreyTheTick Including. "Tm s--- myself drunk-ese. 2:20 am-11 Aug 1 @GreyTheTick HARGHN JUGHBO GELRCIH PLAGHS? you ask him. He nods. 221 am 11 Aug 15 @GreyThe Tick He begins shaving "meat' off that huge f------ rotisserie beef thing Your brain, floating as it is in vodka, offers one word, 'hoss?" 222 am 11 Aug 15 @GreyTheTick Amir grins. He has heard that joke before. There's no horse in Amir's kebabs. Oh no. Horse is for those fancy f------ on main street. 223 am 11 Aug 15 @GreyTheTick Amir's meat is a heady mix of rat, greyhound and eastern european girls who aren't very good at holding their 224 am 11 Aug 1 @GreyTheTick Amir gestures to the sad-looking vegetables on the counter, but you've already fell asleep with your face pressed against the counter glass. 2:26 am 11 Aug 15 @GreyTheTick Amir tops your kebab with lettuce, cucumbers, bubblewrap and Styrofoam. He then adds so muclh garlic sauce that those ingredients cease to be 228 am 11 Aug 1 @GreyTheTick Amir grunts, and hands you your kebab. He grunts again when you nearly leave without paying. You stagger back to the counter and thrust 229 am 11 Aug 15 @GreyTheTick wad of sweaty fivers into his hands. Amir gives you your exact f------ 2.30 am- 11 Aug 15 The next frve minutes look like a mix between the walking dead and a particularly messy b------ video. 2:32 am 11 Aug 15 @GreyTheTick You pass a young couple, you attempt to smile. You look like you just came off the casting couch with Peter 232 am 11 Aug 15 @GreyTheTick Eventually you make it home, leaving a slimy trail of garlic sauce behind you. Then you fall asleep mid-s--- on the toilet. @GreyTheTick You awake to the gentle touch of cool porcelain. Your throat and tongue seem to have sprouted hair. One of your eyes is crusted shut 235 am 11 Aug 15 Grey The Tick Know now that this is your heritage and your legacy. You are a man of Britain my son 236 am 11 Aug 15 GreyThe Tick Change your sheets before you go out for a night on the town. It's the best gift you can give your drunk self 239 am 11 Aug

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Top Comments

gomi

gomi

Nov 25, 2015 at 12:57AM EST

I'm suspicious. Cut-Me-Own-Throat Dibbler and his cousins would never serve anything with such recognizable ingredients.

+28

Platus

Platus Moderator

Nov 25, 2015 at 03:13AM EST

I think I've been to this exact shop.

+13

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