"Caaaaaaarl! This mountain is not covered in snow. What is this?
"I do believe this would be ash. I burned a large pile of orphans."
"Why would you burn orphans!?"
"I wanted Alduin to return, he seems like a novel conversationalist."
"How would burning orphans bring him back!?"
"I read it in an elder scroll."
"You cant read elder scrolls, they make you go blind!"
"I wore sun glasses. I nice breton from Whiterun had a kiosk."
"Nobody sells sunglasses Carl!"
"I pickpocketed his glasses, killed him and soaked the glass in his blood."
"Thats not how you make sunglasses!"
"I wanted to try a creative approach."
"Thats it I am going back to Cyridiil!"
"When you get back there would you tell everyone I am sorry for starting the Oblivion Crisis a few hundred years ago as well as shifting the blame."

*Que ending theme and credits."
(Does this count as fan fiction?)

Caaaaarl! Are you invoking the Black Sacrament?!