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It's the Only Way

When someone asks why I'm the forever DM Had to be me. Someone else might have gotten it wrong.
When someone asks why I'm the forever DM Had to be me. Someone else might have gotten it wrong.

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Blindsided

Dandy Beyond @DandyBeyond DM: You walk into a room and you can't see anything... Party: WE ALL HAVE DARKVISION!!! DM: ...BECAUSE THE ROOM IS FULL OF BLINDING LIGHT! Party: ... DM: What? Nobody has BLINDING LIGHT VISION?! Well that's a shame. Roll initiative.
Dandy Beyond @DandyBeyond DM: You walk into a room and you can't see anything... Party: WE ALL HAVE DARKVISION!!! DM: ...BECAUSE THE ROOM IS FULL OF BLINDING LIGHT! Party: ... DM: What? Nobody has BLINDING LIGHT VISION?! Well that's a shame. Roll initiative.

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It Just Works


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Rules Are Meant to Be Broken

READING THE DUNGEON MASTER'S GUIDE BE LIKE FOLLOW THESE RULES OR DON'T I'M A BOOK NOT A COP
READING THE DUNGEON MASTER'S GUIDE BE LIKE FOLLOW THESE RULES OR DON'T I'M A BOOK NOT A COP

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Dumb Dumb Mister

Insomnia Adventures u/Oceanundertow Be me, sleep deprived DM, half an hour ago Get startled by phone ringing It's one of my players Me: "Dude, it's midnight, you good?" Friend: "Yeah yeah, sorry if I woke you. Could I ask for a favor?" OhGodHeKilledSomeone.gif Me: "Uh, sure? Shoot." Friend: "My daughter can't sleep, could you tell a quick story over speakerphone? She loves listening to the recordings of our sessions before bed, but I left my laptop at the office so I can't play them." NaniTheFuck.mp3 Me: "She listens to us to fall asleep?" Friend: "Yeah, but she really likes your plot and NPC acting bits. She calls you 'dumb dumb mister.' Guess Dungeon Master is a bit hard for a preschooler." Me: "Wow..well, if it will help her sleep, then sure." %3D Friend: "Thank you! Okay, give me a sec to head back to her room." (pause) "Okay, you're on speaker." Me: "Hey, [daughters name], it's uncle Anon." Daughter: (Happy gasp) "Dumb dumb Mister!" I'veNeverBeenHappierToBeCalledADumbDumb.jpg Me: "You ready for a story about..(DM IMPROV SKILLS ENGAGE)..the time your daddy and his friends went deep into a cursed temple to save a frost dragon egg?" Daughter: (Incomprehensible happy squealing noises) I then proceed to spend nearly 20 min spitballing a story over the phone for the most fascinated little girl until she eventually fell asleep. Friend thanks me for the help and says he'll see me on game night. Lay down in bed, actually feel content and comfortable for once. I should have thanked him. I am the dumb dumb mister.
Insomnia Adventures u/Oceanundertow Be me, sleep deprived DM, half an hour ago Get startled by phone ringing It's one of my players Me: "Dude, it's midnight, you good?" Friend: "Yeah yeah, sorry if I woke you. Could I ask for a favor?" OhGodHeKilledSomeone.gif Me: "Uh, sure? Shoot." Friend: "My daughter can't sleep, could you tell a quick story over speakerphone? She loves listening to the recordings of our sessions before bed, but I left my laptop at the office so I can't play them." NaniTheFuck.mp3 Me: "She listens to us to fall asleep?" Friend: "Yeah, but she really likes your plot and NPC acting bits. She calls you 'dumb dumb mister.' Guess Dungeon Master is a bit hard for a preschooler." Me: "Wow..well, if it will help her sleep, then sure." %3D Friend: "Thank you! Okay, give me a sec to head back to her room." (pause) "Okay, you're on speaker." Me: "Hey, [daughters name], it's uncle Anon." Daughter: (Happy gasp) "Dumb dumb Mister!" I'veNeverBeenHappierToBeCalledADumbDumb.jpg Me: "You ready for a story about..(DM IMPROV SKILLS ENGAGE)..the time your daddy and his friends went deep into a cursed temple to save a frost dragon egg?" Daughter: (Incomprehensible happy squealing noises) I then proceed to spend nearly 20 min spitballing a story over the phone for the most fascinated little girl until she eventually fell asleep. Friend thanks me for the help and says he'll see me on game night. Lay down in bed, actually feel content and comfortable for once. I should have thanked him. I am the dumb dumb mister.

Dungeons and Dragons
sleep

Chaos!? I'll Show You Chaos!


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Raising the Dead is Raising the Dead


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Running Laps Around the Alignment Chart


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Nothing is a cliché when it is happening to you.

Never Ask A Woman Her Age A Man, His Salary The DM How many Max Payne references they have made this session
Never Ask A Woman Her Age A Man, His Salary The DM How many Max Payne references they have made this session

Dungeons and Dragons
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Bag of Bees

The Rouge with their concealed dagger. The Assassin with their sword cane. The Druid with a fully filled Bag of Holding containing nofhing but angry bees.
The Rouge with their concealed dagger. The Assassin with their sword cane. The Druid with a fully filled Bag of Holding containing nofhing but angry bees.

Dungeons and Dragons
concealed weapons bees beeeessssss!!! harry and ron screaming bag of holding tom dnd biological warfare rogue assassin druid

Campaigns and Cats?

E sandersstudies Follow My husband is playing DnD with some friends and told me to come look at the cat who is sitting in a chair like a person. My husband handed him a d20 and said "sir you have to roll a stealth check to convince the other party members you are a human" and the cat immediately batted the d20 and rolled a 14. The party cheered for him. sandersstudies Follow The final human player joined the table and they brought out a whole extra chair so the cat could remain at the table. He's now the party's official Druid and just canonically in wildshape all the time and therefore unable to speak Common.
E sandersstudies Follow My husband is playing DnD with some friends and told me to come look at the cat who is sitting in a chair like a person. My husband handed him a d20 and said "sir you have to roll a stealth check to convince the other party members you are a human" and the cat immediately batted the d20 and rolled a 14. The party cheered for him. sandersstudies Follow The final human player joined the table and they brought out a whole extra chair so the cat could remain at the table. He's now the party's official Druid and just canonically in wildshape all the time and therefore unable to speak Common.

Dungeons and Dragons
cat druid

Alleycat Class Levels

A regular cat can attack for 1 point of damage The average commoner has 4 hp 4 housecats can kill a 4 housecats can kill a commoner in 6 seconds commoner in 6 seconds Let's not even talk about feral alleycats that have class levels necromancer wizard barbarian rogue
A regular cat can attack for 1 point of damage The average commoner has 4 hp 4 housecats can kill a 4 housecats can kill a commoner in 6 seconds commoner in 6 seconds Let's not even talk about feral alleycats that have class levels necromancer wizard barbarian rogue

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True Horror Campaign

YOregon @OregonRolledA2O Y Rolled A 20 Paladin: I Stab the Succubus with 14 to hit! DM: It looks at you with 15 AC and asks "Is it in yet?"
YOregon @OregonRolledA2O Y Rolled A 20 Paladin: I Stab the Succubus with 14 to hit! DM: It looks at you with 15 AC and asks "Is it in yet?"

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That's Not Fair

ALL LIFE IS PRECIOUS, LETS PUT YOU OUTSIDE, LIL GUY. If one of my-player's characters has immunity or resistance to something, I don't use enemies with that! Toxic DM OWLTURD.COM Coeniccat
ALL LIFE IS PRECIOUS, LETS PUT YOU OUTSIDE, LIL GUY. If one of my-player's characters has immunity or resistance to something, I don't use enemies with that! Toxic DM OWLTURD.COM Coeniccat

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Happens Too Often

Ok this is your first DND session? OH MY Why don't GOD THIS ISN'T LIKE YOU GUYS MUST STRANGER THINGS, BE PLAYING THIS WRONG ITS NOT STRANGER THINGS SAID THIS WAS FUN LIKE STRANGER THINGS made with dematic
Ok this is your first DND session? OH MY Why don't GOD THIS ISN'T LIKE YOU GUYS MUST STRANGER THINGS, BE PLAYING THIS WRONG ITS NOT STRANGER THINGS SAID THIS WAS FUN LIKE STRANGER THINGS made with dematic

Dungeons and Dragons
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Think Again

You know, tortoises have pretty long life spans. Some live up to 150 years. Great! So, as a tortle, a D&D race based on the tortoise, I'll have a relatively long life span, right? TI have a relatively long life span, right?
You know, tortoises have pretty long life spans. Some live up to 150 years. Great! So, as a tortle, a D&D race based on the tortoise, I'll have a relatively long life span, right? TI have a relatively long life span, right?

Dungeons and Dragons
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How the Turn Tables

BBEG Rogue It seems the tables have turned again. Paladin Not really. Kill the little b rd see if i care.
BBEG Rogue It seems the tables have turned again. Paladin Not really. Kill the little b rd see if i care.

Dungeons and Dragons
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They Have to Be Red

rogue-lavellan me: there are no ʼrules’ for fantasy, and that’s the beautiful thing about it. sure there are staples of the genre, but a creator shouldn’t feel bound by them. the only limits are your imagination! fantasy game: the health potions aren't red. me: you lost me. Source: feeshies 9,227 notes
rogue-lavellan me: there are no ʼrules’ for fantasy, and that’s the beautiful thing about it. sure there are staples of the genre, but a creator shouldn’t feel bound by them. the only limits are your imagination! fantasy game: the health potions aren't red. me: you lost me. Source: feeshies 9,227 notes

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What Part of That Was Wrong?

King: So, you killed my daughter, slept with the priest, and rescued the dragon? 8 intelligence Paladin: bounty hunting is a complicăted profession
King: So, you killed my daughter, slept with the priest, and rescued the dragon? 8 intelligence Paladin: bounty hunting is a complicăted profession

Dungeons and Dragons
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What a Fun Campaign

The DM says the quest giver is going to accompany us on the mission he won't drag us down in fact he has PC levels, and they're higher than the players' he has the same name as the DM and is with us to make sure we don't go off rails and is an overpowered the whole time we are awoken in the middle of the night to catch a glimpse of an inhuman entity devouring his corpse leaving us abandoned us in unknown territory before it scurries away
The DM says the quest giver is going to accompany us on the mission he won't drag us down in fact he has PC levels, and they're higher than the players' he has the same name as the DM and is with us to make sure we don't go off rails and is an overpowered the whole time we are awoken in the middle of the night to catch a glimpse of an inhuman entity devouring his corpse leaving us abandoned us in unknown territory before it scurries away

Dungeons and Dragons
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