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The Greentext Archive | /r/Greentext

>middle school gym class >shower time >walk into shower >'hey look at anons d---, it's practically non existent' >they all start chanting 'tiny 90 KB JPG weenie anon" >coach comes in and breaks it up >he starts to say 'never judge a man by the size of his genitals, but by his act-' >coach looks down >'jesus christ son, that thing hasn't grown since kindergarten has it?" >mfw
>middle school gym class >shower time >walk into shower >'hey look at anons d---, it's practically non existent' >they all start chanting 'tiny 90 KB JPG weenie anon" >coach comes in and breaks it up >he starts to say 'never judge a man by the size of his genitals, but by his act-' >coach looks down >'jesus christ son, that thing hasn't grown since kindergarten has it?" >mfw

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Anon works at subway | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/15/22(Sun)22:42:39 No.68645155 >be me >s----- subway job >making this old lady's sandwich >as i'm toasting it, she goes to pay >finishes paying, just stands there >look at her for like 5 seconds before 29 KB JPG asking what veggies she wants >she says "oh, i forgot" >whatever.jpg >she walks back over to me >"are you ok?" >what >"you weren't smiling so i thought you might be in a bad mood" am i supposed to be smiling at work? what's wrong with these people (old people especially)? i was being perfectly polite, i'm just not in the mood to be smiling my ass off at my dumbass wage slave job.
: Anonymous 05/15/22(Sun)22:42:39 No.68645155 >be me >s----- subway job >making this old lady's sandwich >as i'm toasting it, she goes to pay >finishes paying, just stands there >look at her for like 5 seconds before 29 KB JPG asking what veggies she wants >she says "oh, i forgot" >whatever.jpg >she walks back over to me >"are you ok?" >what >"you weren't smiling so i thought you might be in a bad mood" am i supposed to be smiling at work? what's wrong with these people (old people especially)? i was being perfectly polite, i'm just not in the mood to be smiling my ass off at my dumbass wage slave job.

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Anon is atheist | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/16/22(Mon)15:40:45 No.878245729 >Be me >Le epic atheist >At historic black church >Pastor is talking about the evils of white people >Laugh and yell that God does not 10 KB JPG exist >People call me a cracker and through me out >As I'm leaving the church grounds the pastor's daughter comes up to me >"Hey Anon and we talk?" >She no longer believes that God exists and I'm the only person she knows who thinks like her >We talk and hang out >Eventually a relationship starts >l've always had a sickness for ebony thickness >One day at her house >l'm f------ her good >She's climaxing >All of the sudden Pastor barges into her room and calls her a slut and goes on about him being so ashamed that she didn't wait until marriage >I get mad at him because love this woman and how dare he call her a slut >D--- is on the edge of c------ >Get idea >Use my d--- like a gun and shoot a load into the pastor's eyes blinding him >Take my GF's hand and leave the house >her family disowns her >She lives with me now >Mfw l'm going to ask her to marry me
: Anonymous 05/16/22(Mon)15:40:45 No.878245729 >Be me >Le epic atheist >At historic black church >Pastor is talking about the evils of white people >Laugh and yell that God does not 10 KB JPG exist >People call me a cracker and through me out >As I'm leaving the church grounds the pastor's daughter comes up to me >"Hey Anon and we talk?" >She no longer believes that God exists and I'm the only person she knows who thinks like her >We talk and hang out >Eventually a relationship starts >l've always had a sickness for ebony thickness >One day at her house >l'm f------ her good >She's climaxing >All of the sudden Pastor barges into her room and calls her a slut and goes on about him being so ashamed that she didn't wait until marriage >I get mad at him because love this woman and how dare he call her a slut >D--- is on the edge of c------ >Get idea >Use my d--- like a gun and shoot a load into the pastor's eyes blinding him >Take my GF's hand and leave the house >her family disowns her >She lives with me now >Mfw l'm going to ask her to marry me

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Anon's scary moment | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/15/22(Sun)19:12:24 No.878231975 >be me >Kidnapped >Taken to weird facility >l get placed on an automatic rolling factory line, not sure what it's for >Mechanism pulls my pants off, start to worry >Next mechanism forces me to have 141 KB PNG an erection, I'm confused >There's a lot of tubes, one of them latches onto my penis >Needle comes out and pokes my d--- to numb it for some reason >Tube gets blades, quickly slices my d--- off entirely, for some reason I'm so stunned my reaction is minimal >Guy at the end of the line let's me go >Walking down street and I meet someone who just came out of the same facility >"Are you missing your c--- too" yeah I said >Start getting depressed as I realize l'll never be sexually satisfied again for the rest of my life, start crying >Wake up, it was all just a bad dream >So grateful that it wasn't real that I almost start crying >So grateful I decide to beat off again Why am I like this?
: Anonymous 05/15/22(Sun)19:12:24 No.878231975 >be me >Kidnapped >Taken to weird facility >l get placed on an automatic rolling factory line, not sure what it's for >Mechanism pulls my pants off, start to worry >Next mechanism forces me to have 141 KB PNG an erection, I'm confused >There's a lot of tubes, one of them latches onto my penis >Needle comes out and pokes my d--- to numb it for some reason >Tube gets blades, quickly slices my d--- off entirely, for some reason I'm so stunned my reaction is minimal >Guy at the end of the line let's me go >Walking down street and I meet someone who just came out of the same facility >"Are you missing your c--- too" yeah I said >Start getting depressed as I realize l'll never be sexually satisfied again for the rest of my life, start crying >Wake up, it was all just a bad dream >So grateful that it wasn't real that I almost start crying >So grateful I decide to beat off again Why am I like this?

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Anon likes games | /r/Greentext

U Anonymous 01/25/21(Mon)23:04:28 No.541885087 v 1608499208340.png (338 KB, 750x734) google yandex iqdb wait >>541884689 (OP) >Difficulty: Tell Me a Story >Aim Assist: On >Weapon Sway: Off >Invisibility While Prone: On >Slow Motion While Aiming: On >Autosave Before Every Encounter: On >Enemy Perception: Low >Enemy Accuracy: Low >Boss Fight Skip Option: On >100% Walkthrough open >Discord open for emotional support Time to game.
U Anonymous 01/25/21(Mon)23:04:28 No.541885087 v 1608499208340.png (338 KB, 750x734) google yandex iqdb wait >>541884689 (OP) >Difficulty: Tell Me a Story >Aim Assist: On >Weapon Sway: Off >Invisibility While Prone: On >Slow Motion While Aiming: On >Autosave Before Every Encounter: On >Enemy Perception: Low >Enemy Accuracy: Low >Boss Fight Skip Option: On >100% Walkthrough open >Discord open for emotional support Time to game.

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Anon life is over | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/15/22(Sun)16:31:57 No.66778694 How do you know if you have low testosterone? I went to a doctor and he told me no you are young and fine but i'm tired and uninterested in girls 85 KB PNG I can test it myself but its expansive, only one like total testosterone, estrogen, prolactin, free testosterone .. whats the best one to check to see if i have bad levels? Anonymous 05/15/22(Sun)16:33:12 No.66778720 >>66778694 (OP) >Anime pic You're low test. It's over
Anonymous 05/15/22(Sun)16:31:57 No.66778694 How do you know if you have low testosterone? I went to a doctor and he told me no you are young and fine but i'm tired and uninterested in girls 85 KB PNG I can test it myself but its expansive, only one like total testosterone, estrogen, prolactin, free testosterone .. whats the best one to check to see if i have bad levels? Anonymous 05/15/22(Sun)16:33:12 No.66778720 >>66778694 (OP) >Anime pic You're low test. It's over

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Anon plans on hosting Eurovision | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/15/22(Sun)00:15:52 No.110516738 Your country will win Eurovision if it goes to war next year Quick, go call Putin a n on Twitter 104 KB PNG >>110516817 # >>110516871 #
: Anonymous 05/15/22(Sun)00:15:52 No.110516738 Your country will win Eurovision if it goes to war next year Quick, go call Putin a n on Twitter 104 KB PNG >>110516817 # >>110516871 #

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Anon gets it now | /r/Greentext

You and I will never know each other. Not what we look like, how we sound, or know each other's names. We're separated by the sea and live on separate continents, thousands of miles apart. Different countries and different cultures. You and I look above and see the same stars as we both frog post below. And in this moment, we share the same thoughts and understand each other better than the neighbors who live beside us in the same culture, on the same continent, and in the same country. You will always be a fren
You and I will never know each other. Not what we look like, how we sound, or know each other's names. We're separated by the sea and live on separate continents, thousands of miles apart. Different countries and different cultures. You and I look above and see the same stars as we both frog post below. And in this moment, we share the same thoughts and understand each other better than the neighbors who live beside us in the same culture, on the same continent, and in the same country. You will always be a fren

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anon questions shadow the hedgehog | /r/Greentext

File: 1644021670063.png (437 KB, 820x1154) O Anonymous 0515/22(Sun)16:58:43 No.878201589 (Reply] >calls himself the ultimate lifeform >"disgusting black creatures, get out of my sight" >never apologized >still not cancelled Is he based?
File: 1644021670063.png (437 KB, 820x1154) O Anonymous 0515/22(Sun)16:58:43 No.878201589 (Reply] >calls himself the ultimate lifeform >"disgusting black creatures, get out of my sight" >never apologized >still not cancelled Is he based?

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Anon Becomes an Alpha | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/15/22(Sun)13:50:33 No.26457414 How do I make the mental transition from an effeminate gay bottom to a masculine straight dude 493 KB JPG : Anonymous 05/15/22(Sun)13:52:05 No.26457435 MLLC 62E4F734-0798-4196-961F-A52FD18283A1.png 63 KB PNG >go to public bathroom >see occupied stall >start shaking the door relentlessly 1627584585080.png 133 KB PNG
: Anonymous 05/15/22(Sun)13:50:33 No.26457414 How do I make the mental transition from an effeminate gay bottom to a masculine straight dude 493 KB JPG : Anonymous 05/15/22(Sun)13:52:05 No.26457435 MLLC 62E4F734-0798-4196-961F-A52FD18283A1.png 63 KB PNG >go to public bathroom >see occupied stall >start shaking the door relentlessly 1627584585080.png 133 KB PNG

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Anon discovers the McRib’s secret. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/11/22(Wed)20:27:39 No.877971132 5077E542-BAD4-47B9-B06C-F21D4CDB958C.jpg 144 KB JPG The reason The McRib is not a full time menu item is because of liberals. Let me explain >Liberals have stupid ideas >Not making the McRib a full time menu item is a stupid idea why would liberals do this
: Anonymous 05/11/22(Wed)20:27:39 No.877971132 5077E542-BAD4-47B9-B06C-F21D4CDB958C.jpg 144 KB JPG The reason The McRib is not a full time menu item is because of liberals. Let me explain >Liberals have stupid ideas >Not making the McRib a full time menu item is a stupid idea why would liberals do this

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Anon buy stuff at the gas station | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/15/22(Sun)21:47:12 No.68639866 >go buy stuff at gas station >show cashier phone to scan coupon >accidentally show family guy p--- >"uh... sorry..." >leave everything on the counter and walk away 23 KB JPG I can never go back anons help do i just kms at this point 8 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous 05/15/22(Sun)21:47:12 No.68639866 >go buy stuff at gas station >show cashier phone to scan coupon >accidentally show family guy p--- >"uh... sorry..." >leave everything on the counter and walk away 23 KB JPG I can never go back anons help do i just kms at this point 8 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Running in the 90s | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/15/22(Sun)20:02:46 No.68642708 >it's the first day of summer 1999 >you wake up and your mom made you breakfast >watch Ed Edd and Eddy on the TV while you eat >your house phone rings >it's your best friend, he says you should go ride bikes >nice weather outside. Ride through the woods 86 KB JPG and throw rocks in a river >it starts to rain >get back on your bikes and go to your friend's house >play Nintendo 64 in the den >starts getting late, your mom calls the house and says come home >ask if you can sleep over >mom says yes >friend has a pool, go swimming. The weather is cool and the crickets are out. >his mom comes out and says "boys! I brought Papa John's pizza!" >run back inside and dry off >eat delicious pizza and watch A Bug's Life >the perfect day >103 days left of summer those were the days, bros. Things were so simple and we weren't as corrupted. Life felt like a dream.
: Anonymous 05/15/22(Sun)20:02:46 No.68642708 >it's the first day of summer 1999 >you wake up and your mom made you breakfast >watch Ed Edd and Eddy on the TV while you eat >your house phone rings >it's your best friend, he says you should go ride bikes >nice weather outside. Ride through the woods 86 KB JPG and throw rocks in a river >it starts to rain >get back on your bikes and go to your friend's house >play Nintendo 64 in the den >starts getting late, your mom calls the house and says come home >ask if you can sleep over >mom says yes >friend has a pool, go swimming. The weather is cool and the crickets are out. >his mom comes out and says "boys! I brought Papa John's pizza!" >run back inside and dry off >eat delicious pizza and watch A Bug's Life >the perfect day >103 days left of summer those were the days, bros. Things were so simple and we weren't as corrupted. Life felt like a dream.

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anon is not a brony | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/15/22(Sun)11:48:22 No.25806237 ME? HA YEAH MAN IM GOOD >be me >be cis male >find qt trans girl from my state online >talk on discord about common JUST A LITTLE TIRED.. interest/casual things 61 KB JPG >our talks become more sexual after a while >she starts sending me nudes >shows me her dildo collection >biggest one is a giant horse dildo >Her: "wanna see me ride the biggest one? :3" >don't want to sound like an insecure p---- >Me: "Yeah, sounds hot. lol" >shows me a vid of riding the horse dildo >Her: "Did you c--? :p" >Me: "Oh yeah, totally... hehe." I did not c--. I freaked out internally. I haven't sent any nudes back because I only have a 5 inch penis, now I'm thinking "It's over". She wants to meet up and spend a weekend together or something, but I don't know what to do. I'm also a virgin, which doesn't help my anxiety at all. Trannybros, pls help. Are my feelings justified? 19 Replies / 3 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 05/15/22(Sun)11:48:22 No.25806237 ME? HA YEAH MAN IM GOOD >be me >be cis male >find qt trans girl from my state online >talk on discord about common JUST A LITTLE TIRED.. interest/casual things 61 KB JPG >our talks become more sexual after a while >she starts sending me nudes >shows me her dildo collection >biggest one is a giant horse dildo >Her: "wanna see me ride the biggest one? :3" >don't want to sound like an insecure p---- >Me: "Yeah, sounds hot. lol" >shows me a vid of riding the horse dildo >Her: "Did you c--? :p" >Me: "Oh yeah, totally... hehe." I did not c--. I freaked out internally. I haven't sent any nudes back because I only have a 5 inch penis, now I'm thinking "It's over". She wants to meet up and spend a weekend together or something, but I don't know what to do. I'm also a virgin, which doesn't help my anxiety at all. Trannybros, pls help. Are my feelings justified? 19 Replies / 3 Images View Thread

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Anon likes bacon | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/07/19(Sun)10:20:51 No.51818795 >my boyfriend wakes me up to his yelling that breakfast is ready >first thing i smell is bacon >first thing i see is him >i get up and out of bed to quickly go to the bathroom 37 KB JPG >take my medication >turn around, bf is gone >go to kitchen, start frying some bacon >>51818809 # : Anonymous 04/07/19(Sun)10:22:02 No.51818809 >>51818795 # spoopy story, now I want bacon too
: Anonymous 04/07/19(Sun)10:20:51 No.51818795 >my boyfriend wakes me up to his yelling that breakfast is ready >first thing i smell is bacon >first thing i see is him >i get up and out of bed to quickly go to the bathroom 37 KB JPG >take my medication >turn around, bf is gone >go to kitchen, start frying some bacon >>51818809 # : Anonymous 04/07/19(Sun)10:22:02 No.51818809 >>51818795 # spoopy story, now I want bacon too

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Anon is educated. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/28/21(Tue)08:30:46 No.65554532 > Be me > Anti-social loser in CS masters program > TA'ing because I like to torture myself > Professors complain that too many students are getting away with cheating in the junior and senior classes because they're to lazy to update the curriculum and GitHub exists > Tell prof l'm TA'ing for that I bet if he 17 KB JPG pretends to be a student and shares around some private git with a doctored project that only works for the auto-graded question but failed hand checks that he could catch a bunch of lazy retards cheating. > Made this comment last spring, forget completely. > Cut to today. > TA'ing still > This last weekend the first capstone class had their first project due > Dreading grading that, but w/e > Wake up this morning > Email from professor > "Thanks for the advice, hope you get a kick out of it." > Attached: Cheaters dot zip > Professor sent me a zip file containing a ton of evidence he gathered of students cheating. M----------- made a discord pretending to be a student, shared around a general solution to the first project that will only work with the auto grader questions but will fail everything else. 22/100 students failed his hand check on a first pass. The punishment for cheating in the capstone is immediate expulsion at this uni and he posted on canvas that he has a "big" announcement to make today. So, how was everyone's morning going? Anonymous 09/28/21(Tue)09:17:19 No.65554880 bad, f--- you 916 KB PNG
Anonymous 09/28/21(Tue)08:30:46 No.65554532 > Be me > Anti-social loser in CS masters program > TA'ing because I like to torture myself > Professors complain that too many students are getting away with cheating in the junior and senior classes because they're to lazy to update the curriculum and GitHub exists > Tell prof l'm TA'ing for that I bet if he 17 KB JPG pretends to be a student and shares around some private git with a doctored project that only works for the auto-graded question but failed hand checks that he could catch a bunch of lazy retards cheating. > Made this comment last spring, forget completely. > Cut to today. > TA'ing still > This last weekend the first capstone class had their first project due > Dreading grading that, but w/e > Wake up this morning > Email from professor > "Thanks for the advice, hope you get a kick out of it." > Attached: Cheaters dot zip > Professor sent me a zip file containing a ton of evidence he gathered of students cheating. M----------- made a discord pretending to be a student, shared around a general solution to the first project that will only work with the auto grader questions but will fail everything else. 22/100 students failed his hand check on a first pass. The punishment for cheating in the capstone is immediate expulsion at this uni and he posted on canvas that he has a "big" announcement to make today. So, how was everyone's morning going? Anonymous 09/28/21(Tue)09:17:19 No.65554880 bad, f--- you 916 KB PNG

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Anon goes out | /r/Greentext

Anonymous E 05/15/22(Sun)05:21:16 No.164719855 >go out >see happy people all over day ruined 12 KB PNG
Anonymous E 05/15/22(Sun)05:21:16 No.164719855 >go out >see happy people all over day ruined 12 KB PNG

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Anon doesn't like reddit awards | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/16/21(Fri)06:55:42 No.859101533 2e 12 Awards Jobn't 2.8k 5 FFDBC823-AA78-49CF-97F5-21AFCC78FFE2.jpg 52 KB JPG >oh boy time to buy gold to tell a fellow Redditor that he did a goodthink
: Anonymous 07/16/21(Fri)06:55:42 No.859101533 2e 12 Awards Jobn't 2.8k 5 FFDBC823-AA78-49CF-97F5-21AFCC78FFE2.jpg 52 KB JPG >oh boy time to buy gold to tell a fellow Redditor that he did a goodthink

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Your local corner shop Indian Anon | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: FfrlVXLL) 3 10/12/21(Tue)21:19:39 No.343156055 >Be Indian immigrant >Move to the UK in the 1950s with wife and kids >Little to no community or help >Get harrassed by locals on the daily >Support family by working 16+ hour shifts at the corner shop you own >It ain't much but it's a honest life > Over the years of hardships and abuse your becoming a 9 KB JPG respectable member of the community >Made relationships with those who initially hated you becoming close friends >All that hard work has paid off But >Granddaughter, who is only 25% Indian, complains she a victim of racism because her northerner teacher is having trouble with her last name. >Complains to you, tell her that it's no big deal. >She calls you a racist enabler. Tfw all your hard work is becoming undone due to ungrateful privileged kids.
: Anonymous (ID: FfrlVXLL) 3 10/12/21(Tue)21:19:39 No.343156055 >Be Indian immigrant >Move to the UK in the 1950s with wife and kids >Little to no community or help >Get harrassed by locals on the daily >Support family by working 16+ hour shifts at the corner shop you own >It ain't much but it's a honest life > Over the years of hardships and abuse your becoming a 9 KB JPG respectable member of the community >Made relationships with those who initially hated you becoming close friends >All that hard work has paid off But >Granddaughter, who is only 25% Indian, complains she a victim of racism because her northerner teacher is having trouble with her last name. >Complains to you, tell her that it's no big deal. >She calls you a racist enabler. Tfw all your hard work is becoming undone due to ungrateful privileged kids.

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Anon knows the thruth | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/02/21(Sun)01:45:42 No.63479900 > "There are no tiny people inside your computer, they are just...uh..rendered models and lines of code that respond in real time to your inputs..yeah!" ..... 9 KB JPG
: Anonymous 05/02/21(Sun)01:45:42 No.63479900 > "There are no tiny people inside your computer, they are just...uh..rendered models and lines of code that respond in real time to your inputs..yeah!" ..... 9 KB JPG

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