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you're fired. i know you weren't hired yet, but you're fired.

Troutman @robotrowboat Interviewer: Well that was interesting. What's your second best quality? Me: [getting out of chair] Persistence Interviewer: Please do not tickle me again >
Troutman @robotrowboat Interviewer: Well that was interesting. What's your second best quality? Me: [getting out of chair] Persistence Interviewer: Please do not tickle me again >

Twitter / X
job interview interviewer persistent best quality

not doing my best

Floyd @dafloydsta "Well, I did everything I could," I said, having given up quite easily.
Floyd @dafloydsta "Well, I did everything I could," I said, having given up quite easily.

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funny tweet trying giving up work hard

I'm unfamiliar with the concept

YourFavoriteAsian o @AsianTing Fellas, how do you feel when your girl apologizes to you? A Spike Lee Joint @lmNoRoleModel When she what?
YourFavoriteAsian o @AsianTing Fellas, how do you feel when your girl apologizes to you? A Spike Lee Joint @lmNoRoleModel When she what?

Twitter / X
girls women always right apologize apology

Freddie woke up and chose pure violence

Big @FreddieGibbs · 12h I don't tell grown men to shut up unless I plan on knocking they teeth out. Who's next? 181 2I 404 3.5K sir xandro lol @xandror2 · 12h i think its best for you to take a break from social media 2 27 2 308 @FreddieGibbs · 12h I think u should e---------. Who's next? Big 28 27 50 1.2K
Big @FreddieGibbs · 12h I don't tell grown men to shut up unless I plan on knocking they teeth out. Who's next? 181 2I 404 3.5K sir xandro lol @xandror2 · 12h i think its best for you to take a break from social media 2 27 2 308 @FreddieGibbs · 12h I think u should e---------. Who's next? Big 28 27 50 1.2K

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freddie gibbs

Missy Elliot is a national treasure

Kirk @KirkCodes · Apr 25 •.. Today we achieved the dream. Made a function called `missyElliott` that takes a data structure, flips it, and reverses it. I have ascended. O 378 L7 13.9K 115.8K Missy Elliott @MissyElliott · Apr 26 ... Wow I'm so humbly grateful much love to y'all O 31 17 428 12.5K Colin Hagan @scouse_us · 23h •.. Was it worth it? 1 618 Missy Elliott ... @MissyElliott Replying to @scouse_us and @KirkCodes Ti esrever dna ti pilf nwod gnaht ym tup I
Kirk @KirkCodes · Apr 25 •.. Today we achieved the dream. Made a function called `missyElliott` that takes a data structure, flips it, and reverses it. I have ascended. O 378 L7 13.9K 115.8K Missy Elliott @MissyElliott · Apr 26 ... Wow I'm so humbly grateful much love to y'all O 31 17 428 12.5K Colin Hagan @scouse_us · 23h •.. Was it worth it? 1 618 Missy Elliott ... @MissyElliott Replying to @scouse_us and @KirkCodes Ti esrever dna ti pilf nwod gnaht ym tup I

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missy elliott code programming

putting my career on the line for an extra 10 mins of sleep

@tallant *My morning routine* wake up late, yell F---, get ready in 6 minutes and then go 90 in a 45
@tallant *My morning routine* wake up late, yell F---, get ready in 6 minutes and then go 90 in a 45

Twitter / X
funny tweet morning routine late running late wake up late for work

is there a cure?

caleb hearon @calebsaysthings what is the name of the illness where your friends with real jobs start talking like grown ups overnight? saying s--- like "it's very good to hear you're well, always nice to catch up." I've seen you do cocaine off another person why are you microsoft outlook- ing me. 6:26 PM · 10/8/20 · Twitter for iPhone
caleb hearon @calebsaysthings what is the name of the illness where your friends with real jobs start talking like grown ups overnight? saying s--- like "it's very good to hear you're well, always nice to catch up." I've seen you do cocaine off another person why are you microsoft outlook- ing me. 6:26 PM · 10/8/20 · Twitter for iPhone

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funny tweet growing up grow old grown ups

hanging by a thread

Xaubrey @aubreybell oh boy ever spill a little bit of your coffee and realize the thread you are hanging on by is actually quite thin
Xaubrey @aubreybell oh boy ever spill a little bit of your coffee and realize the thread you are hanging on by is actually quite thin

Twitter / X
coffee minor inconvenience mental health breakdown

I sentence you to... therapy

Tweet Me in court: your honor i would like to plead guilty as well as request the death penalty Judge: this...is a parking ticket.. 6/24/17, 8:35 PM
Tweet Me in court: your honor i would like to plead guilty as well as request the death penalty Judge: this...is a parking ticket.. 6/24/17, 8:35 PM

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funny tweet judge court courthouse parking ticket guilty

oops! all carbs


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funny tweet cap'n crunch cereal pun exercise workout

wrap it around your forehead like a naruto headband

mark @TheCatWhisprer Are you supposed to wear the fanny pack over the gut or underneath it? I don't want to look like a dork.
mark @TheCatWhisprer Are you supposed to wear the fanny pack over the gut or underneath it? I don't want to look like a dork.

Twitter / X
funny tweet dork fashion fashionable fanny pack

"So back in the day, Sweden would give the country’s official Twitter account to a random Swede for a week. It lasted longer than you’d think (years) and uh, they didn’t delete old tweets… lol"

Quinn Nelson @SnazzyQ So back in the day, Sweden would give the country's official Twitter account to a random Swede for a week. It lasted longer than you'd think (years) and uh, they didn't delete old tweets... lol @swedenO @sweden · Jun 12, 2012 Whats the fuzz wi th jews. You can't even see if a person is a jew, unless you see their penises, and even if you do, you can't be sure!? 12:12 PM Apr 26, 2021 · Twitter for iPhone 8 Retweets 209 Likes
Quinn Nelson @SnazzyQ So back in the day, Sweden would give the country's official Twitter account to a random Swede for a week. It lasted longer than you'd think (years) and uh, they didn't delete old tweets... lol @swedenO @sweden · Jun 12, 2012 Whats the fuzz wi th jews. You can't even see if a person is a jew, unless you see their penises, and even if you do, you can't be sure!? 12:12 PM Apr 26, 2021 · Twitter for iPhone 8 Retweets 209 Likes

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sweden twitter account

Maybe all Skynet wanted was to go shopping


Twitter / X
tesla elon musk car robotics ai automation driving tires technology

stories from studying Latin

A.Z. Foreman @azforeman · 14m I once was sitting in O'Hare airport reading a book of Latin poetry when a guy looking like a monk walks up to me looking utterly lost and asks "Loquerisne Latine"? (Do you speak Latin?) To which I answer "Ita, possumne te adiuvare?" (Yes, can I help you?.) * Ellen is at the Grammar Table (inside) . People who studied Latin, can you tell me any stories about your Latin-studying experiences? Funny or nonfunny. 1d Show this thread 17 4 O 17 A.Z. Foreman @azforeman Turned out he was indeed a Polish monk and knew only Polish and Latin. Had never been outside Poland before, or even seen the inside of an airport, and needed help finding his way.
A.Z. Foreman @azforeman · 14m I once was sitting in O'Hare airport reading a book of Latin poetry when a guy looking like a monk walks up to me looking utterly lost and asks "Loquerisne Latine"? (Do you speak Latin?) To which I answer "Ita, possumne te adiuvare?" (Yes, can I help you?.) * Ellen is at the Grammar Table (inside) . People who studied Latin, can you tell me any stories about your Latin-studying experiences? Funny or nonfunny. 1d Show this thread 17 4 O 17 A.Z. Foreman @azforeman Turned out he was indeed a Polish monk and knew only Polish and Latin. Had never been outside Poland before, or even seen the inside of an airport, and needed help finding his way.

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tweet o'hare airport book poetry polish monk poland speaking speak

run

DAI @DAIZAHDAIZ 1d yall my foot is stuck in the door at lodges can someone please open the door 689 27 10.9K 58.5K Jitta, @TheJitNextDoor I wouldve been on the other side lickin yo toes but das just me
DAI @DAIZAHDAIZ 1d yall my foot is stuck in the door at lodges can someone please open the door 689 27 10.9K 58.5K Jitta, @TheJitNextDoor I wouldve been on the other side lickin yo toes but das just me

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toes feet stuck

tire talk

Madison @madisonbosil A REAL CONVERSATION I HEARD BETWEEN TWO GROWN MEN AT TIRES PLUS: Man #1: *getting ready to pay* Is it a swipey swipe Man #2: No it's a chippy chip
Madison @madisonbosil A REAL CONVERSATION I HEARD BETWEEN TWO GROWN MEN AT TIRES PLUS: Man #1: *getting ready to pay* Is it a swipey swipe Man #2: No it's a chippy chip

Twitter / X
tires funny tweet

So relatable Charlie

Alyssa Phillips @Plant_Phillips Even the most famous scientists have rough weeks. Charles Darwin, for example: "But I am very poorly today and very stupid and hate everybody and everything." an leg pon tieything
Alyssa Phillips @Plant_Phillips Even the most famous scientists have rough weeks. Charles Darwin, for example: "But I am very poorly today and very stupid and hate everybody and everything." an leg pon tieything

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charles darwin funny tweet i am very poorly today and very stupid rough week bad day

This is what hot yoga is all about

Вoog @BoogTweets Me: *Holding a fist full of lit sparklers* How much for the aggressive incense?
Вoog @BoogTweets Me: *Holding a fist full of lit sparklers* How much for the aggressive incense?

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funny tweet aggressive incense sparklers

competitive t-shirt eating

Jon @ArfMeasures Me *swallowing 4th wet t-shirt* this contest is hard 17:15 · 31 May 19 · Twitter for Android
Jon @ArfMeasures Me *swallowing 4th wet t-shirt* this contest is hard 17:15 · 31 May 19 · Twitter for Android

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wet t-shirt contest misunderstanding

Uncanny

Steve Harvey @SteveHarvey stop sending me this s---
Steve Harvey @SteveHarvey stop sending me this s---

Twitter / X
steve harvey mr. potato head