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ben mekler O @benmekler Gen Z will never understand growing up with parents who basically poured a gallon of milk into your body with a funnel every day because Big Milk told them that if we didn't drink enough our bones would go soft and we'd turn into pudding people and get kidnapped at the mall 1:15 PM · 22 May 21 · Twitter for iPhone

ben mekler O @benmekler Gen Z will never understand growing up with parents who basically poured a gallon of milk into your body with a funnel every day because Big Milk told them that if we didn't drink enough our bones would go soft and we'd turn into pudding people and get kidnapped at the mall 1:15 PM · 22 May 21 · Twitter for iPhone

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Don't We All Though

Sometimes I fantasize about being a Golden retriever in an upper class white family somewhere in Maine.

Sometimes I fantasize about being a Golden retriever in an upper class white family somewhere in Maine.

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The I-Want-to-Mate Dance

Bro is my professor ok Quiz: Practico tor Exam 3 Prezygotic Sympatric Semipatric Postzygotic Homeotic Question 52 1 pts You're at a club, doing your best "I-want-to-mate" dance, but nobody wants to dance with you because they don't understand what your dance is supposed to mean. Instead of mating. you go home depressed, eat a half-gallon of ice cream and wash it down with a fifth of vodka. This is a small-scale example of: O Behavioral isolation O Mechanical isolation O Temporal isolation

Bro is my professor ok Quiz: Practico tor Exam 3 Prezygotic Sympatric Semipatric Postzygotic Homeotic Question 52 1 pts You're at a club, doing your best "I-want-to-mate" dance, but nobody wants to dance with you because they don't understand what your dance is supposed to mean. Instead of mating. you go home depressed, eat a half-gallon of ice cream and wash it down with a fifth of vodka. This is a small-scale example of: O Behavioral isolation O Mechanical isolation O Temporal isolation

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This Pizza Order

THO Mediums 1st Pizza: Pepperoni 1st Pizza: Sausage 2nd Pizza: Canadian Bacon 2nd Pizza: Pineapple Qustomer Request: Crust a little crisper than normal. But not too crispy.. if thats not vague enough- nake it like youre taking revenge on a cheat ing boyfriend, BUT you still Hant to reconcile in the not so distant future. 17.99 Qustomer Request: The gate is tricky, please don't break it. & the spider on the porch is called Frank. Be nice to Frank, he guards the tomatoes, Subtotal: 17.99 Tax: 1.73 Deliyery Chg: 2.55

THO Mediums 1st Pizza: Pepperoni 1st Pizza: Sausage 2nd Pizza: Canadian Bacon 2nd Pizza: Pineapple Qustomer Request: Crust a little crisper than normal. But not too crispy.. if thats not vague enough- nake it like youre taking revenge on a cheat ing boyfriend, BUT you still Hant to reconcile in the not so distant future. 17.99 Qustomer Request: The gate is tricky, please don't break it. & the spider on the porch is called Frank. Be nice to Frank, he guards the tomatoes, Subtotal: 17.99 Tax: 1.73 Deliyery Chg: 2.55

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Wyoming

KB @kbnoswag People from Wyoming are in my mentions insulting me for dissing their state yesterday and I'm just imagining them furiously riding a horse to a McDonald's in Utah just so they could get wifi and tweet at me 12:17 PM · 1/11/19 · Twitter for iPhone 7,000 Retweets 98.9K Likes >

KB @kbnoswag People from Wyoming are in my mentions insulting me for dissing their state yesterday and I'm just imagining them furiously riding a horse to a McDonald's in Utah just so they could get wifi and tweet at me 12:17 PM · 1/11/19 · Twitter for iPhone 7,000 Retweets 98.9K Likes >

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British Cooking Shows

soul nate @MNateShyamalan british cooking shows: tell us about this wee tart youve made, the crust is just lovely american cooking shows: we've replaced your knives with philips head screwdrivers & released raccoons in the kitchen. the clock is set for 30 seconds, please bake us peace in the middle east

soul nate @MNateShyamalan british cooking shows: tell us about this wee tart youve made, the crust is just lovely american cooking shows: we've replaced your knives with philips head screwdrivers & released raccoons in the kitchen. the clock is set for 30 seconds, please bake us peace in the middle east

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We Have Some Questions

Piano (free, not haunted, pickup only) - $1 (Lutz) image 1 of 4 Free piano (you pick it up). Lester circa 1966. Lutz area. Not possessed or haunted in any way. Tuned less than 24 months ago; played by human hands -6 minutes since. Not a player piano - does not play by itself. Comes with bench. Has wheels. Please take this out of my home.

Piano (free, not haunted, pickup only) - $1 (Lutz) image 1 of 4 Free piano (you pick it up). Lester circa 1966. Lutz area. Not possessed or haunted in any way. Tuned less than 24 months ago; played by human hands -6 minutes since. Not a player piano - does not play by itself. Comes with bench. Has wheels. Please take this out of my home.

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Cookies

Sooz @CruisinSoozan I'm not sure how many cookies it takes to be happy, but so far it's not twenty seven. 10:31 PM : 15 Jul 19 · Twitter for iPhone

Sooz @CruisinSoozan I'm not sure how many cookies it takes to be happy, but so far it's not twenty seven. 10:31 PM : 15 Jul 19 · Twitter for iPhone

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Don't Let Your Kids Eat It

Check your kids Halloween candy carefully. Someone tried to hide The S.S. Edmund Fitzgerald, pride of the great lakes fleet.

Check your kids Halloween candy carefully. Someone tried to hide The S.S. Edmund Fitzgerald, pride of the great lakes fleet.

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Vegas Ain't Ready

Arslan ... @thega1nz Dudes be like "Vegas ain't ready for us" like Vegas ain't ever seen 4 dudes in a Macy's button down split a room at Golden Nugget & wait 3 hours in the club line just to drink a bud light, post a story and then lose $35 on a BlackJack table on the way back to the room

Arslan ... @thega1nz Dudes be like "Vegas ain't ready for us" like Vegas ain't ever seen 4 dudes in a Macy's button down split a room at Golden Nugget & wait 3 hours in the club line just to drink a bud light, post a story and then lose $35 on a BlackJack table on the way back to the room

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Wii Sports Was the Best

nataleigh @natisnotlame it's so sad that's kids will never know the simple pleasure of playing Wii Sports tennis on a Saturday afternoon in 2006 while you parents yell about getting a divorce in the other room

nataleigh @natisnotlame it's so sad that's kids will never know the simple pleasure of playing Wii Sports tennis on a Saturday afternoon in 2006 while you parents yell about getting a divorce in the other room

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Valid Argument

Brooks Otterlake @i_zzzzzz Q is too high up in the alphabet. I respect it but it has no place between P and R. Should be at the end with the weirdo/goth letters

Brooks Otterlake @i_zzzzzz Q is too high up in the alphabet. I respect it but it has no place between P and R. Should be at the end with the weirdo/goth letters

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High-Pressure Situation

Michael @ogpnxl What is a random thing that gives you anxiety? 10-Click Shawty @Just_Cardo Trying to put my change in my wallet at the cash register while people in line put pressure on me by just standing lol

Michael @ogpnxl What is a random thing that gives you anxiety? 10-Click Shawty @Just_Cardo Trying to put my change in my wallet at the cash register while people in line put pressure on me by just standing lol

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You Guys Fold Your Clothes?

Daniel Munro @dk_munro Middle aged happiness is discovering that the next load of laundry to fold is just 8 bath towels and not 46 pieces of small human clothes.

Daniel Munro @dk_munro Middle aged happiness is discovering that the next load of laundry to fold is just 8 bath towels and not 46 pieces of small human clothes.

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Why I Always Have So Many Bags

Michael Halloween Name, @Home_Halfway ME REGULARLY: *uses the same 3 things at home* ME PACKING FOR VACATION: I wonder if l'll need 4 French horns or 5

Michael Halloween Name, @Home_Halfway ME REGULARLY: *uses the same 3 things at home* ME PACKING FOR VACATION: I wonder if l'll need 4 French horns or 5

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Yes or No?

raina O @quakerraina Your wife has been kidnapped and is being held in a location 30 mins away. You're driving to rescue her. It's a warm night and your windows are down. Do you listen to music on the drive there yes or no 8:12 PM · 2021-02-26 · Twitter for iPhone 6,237 Retweets 3,912 Quote Tweets 115K Likes

raina O @quakerraina Your wife has been kidnapped and is being held in a location 30 mins away. You're driving to rescue her. It's a warm night and your windows are down. Do you listen to music on the drive there yes or no 8:12 PM · 2021-02-26 · Twitter for iPhone 6,237 Retweets 3,912 Quote Tweets 115K Likes

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Jesse Kelly's hot take about opportunities in today’s job market

Jesse Kelly O @JessekellyDC - Oct 29 PRO TIP: If you're one of the young men complaining about “opportunities" in today's job market, throw on a tie and go down to the RV dealership in your area. Apply. No college required. Just you and an opportunity to make $100-200k a year. Or more. Go forth and conquer. 327 17 864 4.5K Jesse Kelly @JessekellyDC - Oct 29 There are opportunities EVERYWHERE in this market right now. Employers are starving for people who are responsible. Starving. Go grab those opportunities. Or sit at home and ask mommy to make her special meatloaf while you post "return to tradition" on Twitter. MA! THE MEATLOAF! GIF 88 17 209 1.3K

Jesse Kelly O @JessekellyDC - Oct 29 PRO TIP: If you're one of the young men complaining about “opportunities" in today's job market, throw on a tie and go down to the RV dealership in your area. Apply. No college required. Just you and an opportunity to make $100-200k a year. Or more. Go forth and conquer. 327 17 864 4.5K Jesse Kelly @JessekellyDC - Oct 29 There are opportunities EVERYWHERE in this market right now. Employers are starving for people who are responsible. Starving. Go grab those opportunities. Or sit at home and ask mommy to make her special meatloaf while you post "return to tradition" on Twitter. MA! THE MEATLOAF! GIF 88 17 209 1.3K

jesse kelly job market reject modernity embrace tradition

hooters girls meme

rob @OkButStill hooters girls barely care if i'm happy or sad 8:50 PM · Oct 22, 2021 · Twitter for iPhone

rob @OkButStill hooters girls barely care if i'm happy or sad 8:50 PM · Oct 22, 2021 · Twitter for iPhone

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"Punished Kevin"

DJ @SwisherSwords Naming my second son "Punished Kevin" after my first son Kevin died mid birth. 8:09 AM · Oct 22, 2021 · Twitter for Android 122 Retweets 3 Quote Tweets 2,253 Likes

DJ @SwisherSwords Naming my second son "Punished Kevin" after my first son Kevin died mid birth. 8:09 AM · Oct 22, 2021 · Twitter for Android 122 Retweets 3 Quote Tweets 2,253 Likes

tweet twitter meme funny

green tea shot

rob @catholicdad420 my politics are that l'm 22 and that means sometimes I have to buy a girl something called a “green tea shot" 1:53 AM · Oct 24, 2021 · Twitter for iPhone

rob @catholicdad420 my politics are that l'm 22 and that means sometimes I have to buy a girl something called a “green tea shot" 1:53 AM · Oct 24, 2021 · Twitter for iPhone

tweet twitter meme funny