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Jesus Frog

A should-be-sleeping Seguir In fifth grade a boy tried to impress me by swallowing a whole tadpole live and I punched him so hard that he puked and the tadpole was fine. should-be-sleeping Seguir Truly was not expecting to read anything like that today tarynnasaurus I kept it in a terrarium and it became a normal & despite everything. About a year afterward (I thought) it died, so I sadly put it in a shoebox in the shed until the ground thawed enough for a proper funeral but when that day came I opened the box and the frog was fine. justprettygay Seguir a should-be-sleeping Seguir This is funnier than anything I have ever said. 123.734 notas

A should-be-sleeping Seguir In fifth grade a boy tried to impress me by swallowing a whole tadpole live and I punched him so hard that he puked and the tadpole was fine. should-be-sleeping Seguir Truly was not expecting to read anything like that today tarynnasaurus I kept it in a terrarium and it became a normal & despite everything. About a year afterward (I thought) it died, so I sadly put it in a shoebox in the shed until the ground thawed enough for a proper funeral but when that day came I opened the box and the frog was fine. justprettygay Seguir a should-be-sleeping Seguir This is funnier than anything I have ever said. 123.734 notas

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Where Do I Apply?

A foulserpent i think my ideal job is being paid 50$/hour to sit on the computer doing whatever i want at an empty rented office space for mysterious employers definitely running some kind of money laundering scheme and just needing me to keep up appearances of one of their shell companies but im not like, in on anything and no one can charge me for anything tiger-in-the-flightdeck I'd be the perfect front for your shady company. I always look baffled, I'll never be able to pick you out of a line up, and odds are good l'll forget your name ten minutes after you tell it to me. 30,061 notes A

A foulserpent i think my ideal job is being paid 50$/hour to sit on the computer doing whatever i want at an empty rented office space for mysterious employers definitely running some kind of money laundering scheme and just needing me to keep up appearances of one of their shell companies but im not like, in on anything and no one can charge me for anything tiger-in-the-flightdeck I'd be the perfect front for your shady company. I always look baffled, I'll never be able to pick you out of a line up, and odds are good l'll forget your name ten minutes after you tell it to me. 30,061 notes A

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Beauty and the Beast Economics

O sonseulsoleil It's almost 1 AM but in the song Belle from Beauty and the Beast the villagers sing "I need six eggs" “that's too expensive!" and then later in the song Gaston, Gaston says "when I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs every morning to help me get large, now that l'm grown I eat five dozen eggs so l'm roughly as large as a barge" Gaston has been eating dozens of eggs every day for his entire life and is single handedly creating an artificial egg scarcity in the village and driving up egg prices. this economy is in shambles. 9,160 notes > D

O sonseulsoleil It's almost 1 AM but in the song Belle from Beauty and the Beast the villagers sing "I need six eggs" “that's too expensive!" and then later in the song Gaston, Gaston says "when I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs every morning to help me get large, now that l'm grown I eat five dozen eggs so l'm roughly as large as a barge" Gaston has been eating dozens of eggs every day for his entire life and is single handedly creating an artificial egg scarcity in the village and driving up egg prices. this economy is in shambles. 9,160 notes > D

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You Better Be Looking

delebird IN CASE OF IMPLOSION LOOK DIRECTLY AT IMPLOSION cptdave Valve actually put that sign in game because playtesters would destroy the generator and then turn around immediately and not see the implosion animation they'd worked so hard on.

delebird IN CASE OF IMPLOSION LOOK DIRECTLY AT IMPLOSION cptdave Valve actually put that sign in game because playtesters would destroy the generator and then turn around immediately and not see the implosion animation they'd worked so hard on.

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A Tragedy in Three Parts

thebibliosphere "I put my phone down and can't find it", a saga. thebibliosphere "Want me to call it?" "It's on silent." A tragedy in three parts. miraniel "I'll call it anyway." *everyone stands around really quietly listening for a faint buzzing noise* A comedy.

thebibliosphere "I put my phone down and can't find it", a saga. thebibliosphere "Want me to call it?" "It's on silent." A tragedy in three parts. miraniel "I'll call it anyway." *everyone stands around really quietly listening for a faint buzzing noise* A comedy.

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Lower Case

sadhoc when i was in elementary school, i thought that the reason we were supposed to capitalize the first letter of people's names was as a sign of respect, so i always refused to capitalize the name of my fourth grade teacher or george bush, because i did not respect them timetravellingcactus lower case (derogatory)

sadhoc when i was in elementary school, i thought that the reason we were supposed to capitalize the first letter of people's names was as a sign of respect, so i always refused to capitalize the name of my fourth grade teacher or george bush, because i did not respect them timetravellingcactus lower case (derogatory)

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Capitalizing Names

sadhoc when i was in elementary school, i thought that the reason we were supposed to capitalize the first letter of people's names was as a sign of respect, so i always refused to capitalize the name of my fourth grade teacher or george bush, because i did not respect them timetravellingcactus lower case (derogatory)

sadhoc when i was in elementary school, i thought that the reason we were supposed to capitalize the first letter of people's names was as a sign of respect, so i always refused to capitalize the name of my fourth grade teacher or george bush, because i did not respect them timetravellingcactus lower case (derogatory)

capital letters names respect upper case lower case

A Very Short Star Wars Meta

jumpingjacktrash a very short star wars meta in the first movie, when leia got rescued, she was expecting some kind of actual military operatives with things like a plan and an exit strategy and a working vehicle. this is why she was so salty about instead being rescued by basically the duke brothers and an angry carpet in a past-warranty space winnebago. like when the bad guys capture a diplomat you're supposed to send mission impossible, not cheech & chong uncle-whisky Leia wanted a full D&D party, and what she got was a Rogue with no Bluff, a wizard who left his spell sheet at home, and a barbarian who made charisma his highest score.

jumpingjacktrash a very short star wars meta in the first movie, when leia got rescued, she was expecting some kind of actual military operatives with things like a plan and an exit strategy and a working vehicle. this is why she was so salty about instead being rescued by basically the duke brothers and an angry carpet in a past-warranty space winnebago. like when the bad guys capture a diplomat you're supposed to send mission impossible, not cheech & chong uncle-whisky Leia wanted a full D&D party, and what she got was a Rogue with no Bluff, a wizard who left his spell sheet at home, and a barbarian who made charisma his highest score.

star wars princess leia luke skywalker han solo chewbacca dungeons and dragons d&d dnd rogue barbarian wizard

The Gang Battles Darth Maul

origamityler-deactivated2016101 The best reddit thread l've ever seen was when someone asked if the gang from Always Sunny in Philadelphia could kill Darth Maul and almost all of the responses were over 4 paragraphs long experimental-sponge Follow Best quote from that thread: “To give the gang a slight advantage, We'll assume that Darth Maul has not seen any of the films in the Home Alone franchise." 99 146,226 notes

origamityler-deactivated2016101 The best reddit thread l've ever seen was when someone asked if the gang from Always Sunny in Philadelphia could kill Darth Maul and almost all of the responses were over 4 paragraphs long experimental-sponge Follow Best quote from that thread: “To give the gang a slight advantage, We'll assume that Darth Maul has not seen any of the films in the Home Alone franchise." 99 146,226 notes

its always sunny in philadelphia star wars darth maul the gang reddit

My Eldest Spawn

renniequeer My dad: "So if your pronouns are they and them, how should I refer to you when I brag about you? My daughter? My son?" Me: “Mom's just been calling me her kid or her child." My dad: "I shall call you...my Eldest Spawn." renniequeer I feel like it's worth noting that he was wearing a Cthulu t-shirt when this happened. Source: renniequeer 163,630 notes Oct 20th, 2018 ...

renniequeer My dad: "So if your pronouns are they and them, how should I refer to you when I brag about you? My daughter? My son?" Me: “Mom's just been calling me her kid or her child." My dad: "I shall call you...my Eldest Spawn." renniequeer I feel like it's worth noting that he was wearing a Cthulu t-shirt when this happened. Source: renniequeer 163,630 notes Oct 20th, 2018 ...

dad eldest spawn cthulhu gender trans lovecraft

Las Vegas

biblioprincessdalian I've never been to Las Vegas but I love it in concept because it sounds so made up. Imagine if you were reading a fantasy novel and they were like "smack in the middle of a deadly inhospitable desert there is a glittering city of indulgence and lawlessness and cheap sin that has specifically engineered itself to obfuscate your sense of time and keep you there as long as possible while they take all your valuables." You'd be like yeah that's some wizard s Source: biblioprincessdalian 102,273 notes

biblioprincessdalian I've never been to Las Vegas but I love it in concept because it sounds so made up. Imagine if you were reading a fantasy novel and they were like "smack in the middle of a deadly inhospitable desert there is a glittering city of indulgence and lawlessness and cheap sin that has specifically engineered itself to obfuscate your sense of time and keep you there as long as possible while they take all your valuables." You'd be like yeah that's some wizard s Source: biblioprincessdalian 102,273 notes

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Punk Scientist Crowdsurfing

Punk scientist kicked out of classical symphony concert for crowdsurfing Punk scientist kicked out of classical symphony concert for crowdsurfing -.. altpress.com ck: A sentence I never thought I would read

Punk scientist kicked out of classical symphony concert for crowdsurfing Punk scientist kicked out of classical symphony concert for crowdsurfing -.. altpress.com ck: A sentence I never thought I would read

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The Lord Yoinketh Away

killerkitty707 "Yoink" is the opposite of "Yeet" wierdrocks But it's just as fast viewtiful-kim The Lord yeeteth and the Lord yoinketh away the-cimmerians well there's my eulogy sorted Source: killerkitty707 167,676 notes

killerkitty707 "Yoink" is the opposite of "Yeet" wierdrocks But it's just as fast viewtiful-kim The Lord yeeteth and the Lord yoinketh away the-cimmerians well there's my eulogy sorted Source: killerkitty707 167,676 notes

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Punishment Goose

writing-prompt-s As you die, you wake up in a fiery place. You quickly realize you're in hell. You ask the next demon why you are there, as you lived a very good life. "You're not being punished", he says. “You are the punishment." deadbonessinderhellaton You honk in joy. It's a lovely morning in Hell, and you are a horrible goose. Source: writing-prompt-s

writing-prompt-s As you die, you wake up in a fiery place. You quickly realize you're in hell. You ask the next demon why you are there, as you lived a very good life. "You're not being punished", he says. “You are the punishment." deadbonessinderhellaton You honk in joy. It's a lovely morning in Hell, and you are a horrible goose. Source: writing-prompt-s

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Explode Your Boss

buncheeks hey tumblr witches can one of yall teach me to cast fireball so i can kill my boss normal-horoscopes DISSOLVE SOME STYROFOAM IN GASOLINE IT MAKES NAPALM peel-a-potato-with-a-potato Now hold on, isn't that more science than magic? Or is there a lesson you're trying to teach here about the two? normal-horoscopes POTION OF EXPLODE YOUR BOSS

buncheeks hey tumblr witches can one of yall teach me to cast fireball so i can kill my boss normal-horoscopes DISSOLVE SOME STYROFOAM IN GASOLINE IT MAKES NAPALM peel-a-potato-with-a-potato Now hold on, isn't that more science than magic? Or is there a lesson you're trying to teach here about the two? normal-horoscopes POTION OF EXPLODE YOUR BOSS

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Catholic School

Anonymous said when I was a child my cat died and the only way I could rationalise it was drawing her being crucified because I went to a catholic school and I thought that just happened to everyone when they died targuzzler I cant comment on this just f g look at it Source: targuzzler 16,729 notes A

Anonymous said when I was a child my cat died and the only way I could rationalise it was drawing her being crucified because I went to a catholic school and I thought that just happened to everyone when they died targuzzler I cant comment on this just f g look at it Source: targuzzler 16,729 notes A

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Identity Crisis

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Boss Fight

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Student Housing

strongermonster i love student housing. i'm in the common room waiting for a friend and there's some dude crying on the couch w a bunch of his friends around him and i can only hear bits and pieces but someone asked him "who gets the minecraft server if you guys break up?" and he started crying harder and a 3rd person reached over to smack the guy who asked it on the back of the head

strongermonster i love student housing. i'm in the common room waiting for a friend and there's some dude crying on the couch w a bunch of his friends around him and i can only hear bits and pieces but someone asked him "who gets the minecraft server if you guys break up?" and he started crying harder and a 3rd person reached over to smack the guy who asked it on the back of the head

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Hidden Superpowers

REI K tilthat 1 TIL when people are electrocuted and thrown far distances, it is a result of sudden and violent muscle contraction and not the result of the shock. This has raised questions as to the actual strength and capabilities of the muscles in the human body via reddit.com i-am-the-punk-mermaid Are you telling me we are capable of yeeting ourselves when under extreme stress?

REI K tilthat 1 TIL when people are electrocuted and thrown far distances, it is a result of sudden and violent muscle contraction and not the result of the shock. This has raised questions as to the actual strength and capabilities of the muscles in the human body via reddit.com i-am-the-punk-mermaid Are you telling me we are capable of yeeting ourselves when under extreme stress?

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