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anon gets a tip | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/18/21(Mon)07:42:31 No.845130302 Img-1610977327033.jpg 86 KB JPG >driving >notice shirt is inside out >pull into parking lot to correct it >fix shirt >guy pulls up >'hey nice t---' >hands me a 10 dollar bill >mfw i'm a guy
: Anonymous 01/18/21(Mon)07:42:31 No.845130302 Img-1610977327033.jpg 86 KB JPG >driving >notice shirt is inside out >pull into parking lot to correct it >fix shirt >guy pulls up >'hey nice t---' >hands me a 10 dollar bill >mfw i'm a guy

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Anon saves a life | /r/Greentext

3h (2/6 3:44) · 163471672 3 Replies >2019 >outside shoveling snow >look across the street and see my neighbor lying on his back in the middle of his driveway >go over to help him up, the guy isn't breathing and I can't feel a pulse >oh_shit.iso >call 911 and do chest compressions until he finally starts doing some horrible agonal breathing >after like 15 minutes, an ambulance arrives and takes the guy to the hospital >finish shoveling the guy's driveway for him >he apparently had a DNR order >he tried taking me to court, but l'm not a medical professional or even trained to do CPR >now he harasses me and makes a ton of noise all day long >he has had 2 DUI's since then I should've let him die.
3h (2/6 3:44) · 163471672 3 Replies >2019 >outside shoveling snow >look across the street and see my neighbor lying on his back in the middle of his driveway >go over to help him up, the guy isn't breathing and I can't feel a pulse >oh_shit.iso >call 911 and do chest compressions until he finally starts doing some horrible agonal breathing >after like 15 minutes, an ambulance arrives and takes the guy to the hospital >finish shoveling the guy's driveway for him >he apparently had a DNR order >he tried taking me to court, but l'm not a medical professional or even trained to do CPR >now he harasses me and makes a ton of noise all day long >he has had 2 DUI's since then I should've let him die.

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anon is deformed | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/15/21(Mon)19:14:44 No.847479070 Friend said I should share this here >be me, 13 >born with this deformity called funnel chest, have a ~1 inch dent in my ribcage, pic related >spending a week in some christian 16 KB JPG summer camp >go swimming one day >take shirt off, people immediately notice >dumbfucks are absolutely fascinated by the deformity >that evening one of my roommates comes into our room >tells me to pull my shirt up and lay on the floor >am confused but do it >m----------- takes out a bottle and pours water into the dent >dent acts as a bowl, most of the water stays in it >slurp the water out of the cavity with a straw
: Anonymous 02/15/21(Mon)19:14:44 No.847479070 Friend said I should share this here >be me, 13 >born with this deformity called funnel chest, have a ~1 inch dent in my ribcage, pic related >spending a week in some christian 16 KB JPG summer camp >go swimming one day >take shirt off, people immediately notice >dumbfucks are absolutely fascinated by the deformity >that evening one of my roommates comes into our room >tells me to pull my shirt up and lay on the floor >am confused but do it >m----------- takes out a bottle and pours water into the dent >dent acts as a bowl, most of the water stays in it >slurp the water out of the cavity with a straw

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Superman falls for a devious ploy | /r/Greentext

File: d2t1id8houd51.jpg (36 KB, 640x480) O Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)06:45:17 No.128659249 ► >128659259 >>128660467 >>128660524 >>128660542 >>128660566 >>128660647 >>128660653 >>128660699 >>128661346 >>128661491 >>128661499 >>128661871 >>128662681 >>128662704 >>128662941 >>128665426 >>128665981 >>128666629 >>128667647 >>128667754 >>128667765 >>128668148 >Anon I warned you about sexually harassing my cousin. Now get your c--- out, I'm burning it off. >> Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)06:47:04 No.128659259 >> Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)09:15:24 No.128660270 >> Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)09:38:53 No.128660467 >> Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)09:47:53 No.128660524 >> Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)09:49:11 No.128660532 >> Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)09:50:17 No.128660542 ► >> Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)09:51:38 No.128660557 >> Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)09:52:31 No.128660566 O Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)10:02:39 No.128660647 ► >>128661953 >>128662617 >>128662634 >>128662732 >>128663901 >>128665099 >>128671372 File: Booty-Warrior.jpg (122 KB, 558x340) >>128659249 (OP) >I harassed her looking for booty >Not just any booty, but some of the tightest booty in the universe >I came looking for kryptonian man butt and you of course arrived to save the day >I knows that you're weak to kryptonite, so I got some here just for you >You can bring out your batman or martian manhunter, it makes no difference to me >l'd break the Bat worse than Bane and show the martian a true manhunter >Now I like you supes and I want to explode in you harder than Krypton did. >We can do this the easy way or the hard way >The choice is yours
File: d2t1id8houd51.jpg (36 KB, 640x480) O Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)06:45:17 No.128659249 ► >128659259 >>128660467 >>128660524 >>128660542 >>128660566 >>128660647 >>128660653 >>128660699 >>128661346 >>128661491 >>128661499 >>128661871 >>128662681 >>128662704 >>128662941 >>128665426 >>128665981 >>128666629 >>128667647 >>128667754 >>128667765 >>128668148 >Anon I warned you about sexually harassing my cousin. Now get your c--- out, I'm burning it off. >> Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)06:47:04 No.128659259 >> Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)09:15:24 No.128660270 >> Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)09:38:53 No.128660467 >> Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)09:47:53 No.128660524 >> Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)09:49:11 No.128660532 >> Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)09:50:17 No.128660542 ► >> Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)09:51:38 No.128660557 >> Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)09:52:31 No.128660566 O Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)10:02:39 No.128660647 ► >>128661953 >>128662617 >>128662634 >>128662732 >>128663901 >>128665099 >>128671372 File: Booty-Warrior.jpg (122 KB, 558x340) >>128659249 (OP) >I harassed her looking for booty >Not just any booty, but some of the tightest booty in the universe >I came looking for kryptonian man butt and you of course arrived to save the day >I knows that you're weak to kryptonite, so I got some here just for you >You can bring out your batman or martian manhunter, it makes no difference to me >l'd break the Bat worse than Bane and show the martian a true manhunter >Now I like you supes and I want to explode in you harder than Krypton did. >We can do this the easy way or the hard way >The choice is yours

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Anon visits America | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/01/18(Thu)00:11:47 No.783736467 > be me > be an Asian who tried to learn English online > saw someone's translation of 4chan posts > find it hilarious and think it might be a good place to learn English 348 KB PNG > browse 4chan daily and become addicted > thought n----- and f----- are two neutral words to greet people, because they can be seen frequently on 4chan > finally decided to visit America > want to be friendly and greet every people I see > mfw I'm probably a retard View Thread
: Anonymous 11/01/18(Thu)00:11:47 No.783736467 > be me > be an Asian who tried to learn English online > saw someone's translation of 4chan posts > find it hilarious and think it might be a good place to learn English 348 KB PNG > browse 4chan daily and become addicted > thought n----- and f----- are two neutral words to greet people, because they can be seen frequently on 4chan > finally decided to visit America > want to be friendly and greet every people I see > mfw I'm probably a retard View Thread

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Anon is a pirate | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/14/20(Thu)15:56:14 No.507945510 >pirate game >company loses $60 >delete game >company receives back $60 >pirate game 1 million times >company loses $60M and declares bankrupcy >buy company for a few dollars 36 KB JPG and become CEO >delete all the pirated copies >$60M deposited in my account >suddenly CEO of my own game company with millions to make my dream game
: Anonymous 05/14/20(Thu)15:56:14 No.507945510 >pirate game >company loses $60 >delete game >company receives back $60 >pirate game 1 million times >company loses $60M and declares bankrupcy >buy company for a few dollars 36 KB JPG and become CEO >delete all the pirated copies >$60M deposited in my account >suddenly CEO of my own game company with millions to make my dream game

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Anon had a weed phase | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/17/21(Wed)15:02:24 No.847604122 >be me end of high school >be in weed phase >come to class high af >red af eyes reeking of weed >everyone looks at me and teacher asks if i smoked weed >too high to think of what to say >"no teacher i drank my dad's cannabis scent MILLIONAIRE 64 KB JPG parfume and got drunk from alcohol in it" >teacher looks at me worried >i pull out my parfume from my backpack and drink it to prove myself >end up in a hospital >got suspended for being drunk in class
: Anonymous 02/17/21(Wed)15:02:24 No.847604122 >be me end of high school >be in weed phase >come to class high af >red af eyes reeking of weed >everyone looks at me and teacher asks if i smoked weed >too high to think of what to say >"no teacher i drank my dad's cannabis scent MILLIONAIRE 64 KB JPG parfume and got drunk from alcohol in it" >teacher looks at me worried >i pull out my parfume from my backpack and drink it to prove myself >end up in a hospital >got suspended for being drunk in class

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Anon wonders | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 49063724 1 hr. ago >Open 4chan.org/r9k >No suicide threads >No gore threads >No YLYL threads >No fap thread >No doxxing thread >"Anon, just swinging by to say that you ARE important and you HAVE VALUE :)" >"Bro let's share our music bro, here's my soundcloud" >"Can you guys check out my stream?" >"Let's share our poetry with 40.6 kB JPG each other!" >Close 4chan.org/r9k Honestly, what the F--- happened to this website? 4 REPLIES 2 IMAGES REPLY
Anonymous | 49063724 1 hr. ago >Open 4chan.org/r9k >No suicide threads >No gore threads >No YLYL threads >No fap thread >No doxxing thread >"Anon, just swinging by to say that you ARE important and you HAVE VALUE :)" >"Bro let's share our music bro, here's my soundcloud" >"Can you guys check out my stream?" >"Let's share our poetry with 40.6 kB JPG each other!" >Close 4chan.org/r9k Honestly, what the F--- happened to this website? 4 REPLIES 2 IMAGES REPLY

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Anon cleans his bathroom | /r/Greentext

Okay /b/, story time. >be 14 >be cleaning bathroom >have amazing idea >decide to mix bleach and vinegar in same bottle 1.93 MB JPG >maximumpower.mov >put in bottle >shake >use as normal >weird smell in room >whatthefuck.jpg >nostrils burning >tears forming >feel like passing out >almost puke >mfw I accidentally made chlorine gas >ffw 3 days >coughing up green sludge >fuckimgonnadie.wav >haven't stopped coughing since
Okay /b/, story time. >be 14 >be cleaning bathroom >have amazing idea >decide to mix bleach and vinegar in same bottle 1.93 MB JPG >maximumpower.mov >put in bottle >shake >use as normal >weird smell in room >whatthefuck.jpg >nostrils burning >tears forming >feel like passing out >almost puke >mfw I accidentally made chlorine gas >ffw 3 days >coughing up green sludge >fuckimgonnadie.wav >haven't stopped coughing since

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Anon has a shrimp | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Shrimp saved my life 09/12/18(Wed)18:48:30 No.2813016 >be depressed, suicidal xanax- addicted incel >one day I go to my /aq/f-- uncle's house for some s--- >he has pet shrimp, never seen anything like it before >he offers to get me some 53 KB JPG >throw them in a barely cycled tank with some s----- rock >several shrimp die >realize that I killed them with my apathy >realize I need to take responsibility for once in my life >do research, learn about water parameters and so on >eventually I have a beautiful planted tank with no more deaths >notice a female shrimp carrying eggs >haven't felt this excited about anything in almost a decade >the eggs disappear and I once again thinkI f----- up >a few days later I see a tiny transparent baby shrimp >l suddenly know how the shepherds felt as they gazed upon the newborn Christ >by this point I live and breathe shrimp >all my spare time is spent on shrimp research and watching shrimp videos >l spend most of the money I had saved from my last job on shrimp products >quit the Xanax to support shrimp spending >start putting effort into college in hope of getting a good job for my shrimp >grades improve, no longer facing the prospect of dropping out >relationship with parents improves since I am finally passionate about something and applying myself >l see genuine happiness in their eyes when I talk excitedly about my shrimp >for my birthday my mom makes me a shrimp cake >it even has fondant legs and little chocolate eggs >cry like a little bitch when I see it >mom hugs me and tells me she's always been proud of me >college dorm neighbours demand to see my shrimp >s--- they're gonna think I'm autistic >they actually think my shrimp are really cool >they start inviting me to their social events >start interacting with girls, get told by girls for the first time in my life that l'm fun and smart >l think my shrimp would be proud of me if they knew We're gonna make it bros. Even if you can't do it for yourself, do it for the animals that depend on you.
: Anonymous Shrimp saved my life 09/12/18(Wed)18:48:30 No.2813016 >be depressed, suicidal xanax- addicted incel >one day I go to my /aq/f-- uncle's house for some s--- >he has pet shrimp, never seen anything like it before >he offers to get me some 53 KB JPG >throw them in a barely cycled tank with some s----- rock >several shrimp die >realize that I killed them with my apathy >realize I need to take responsibility for once in my life >do research, learn about water parameters and so on >eventually I have a beautiful planted tank with no more deaths >notice a female shrimp carrying eggs >haven't felt this excited about anything in almost a decade >the eggs disappear and I once again thinkI f----- up >a few days later I see a tiny transparent baby shrimp >l suddenly know how the shepherds felt as they gazed upon the newborn Christ >by this point I live and breathe shrimp >all my spare time is spent on shrimp research and watching shrimp videos >l spend most of the money I had saved from my last job on shrimp products >quit the Xanax to support shrimp spending >start putting effort into college in hope of getting a good job for my shrimp >grades improve, no longer facing the prospect of dropping out >relationship with parents improves since I am finally passionate about something and applying myself >l see genuine happiness in their eyes when I talk excitedly about my shrimp >for my birthday my mom makes me a shrimp cake >it even has fondant legs and little chocolate eggs >cry like a little bitch when I see it >mom hugs me and tells me she's always been proud of me >college dorm neighbours demand to see my shrimp >s--- they're gonna think I'm autistic >they actually think my shrimp are really cool >they start inviting me to their social events >start interacting with girls, get told by girls for the first time in my life that l'm fun and smart >l think my shrimp would be proud of me if they knew We're gonna make it bros. Even if you can't do it for yourself, do it for the animals that depend on you.

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Anon fails 1th grade | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/17/17(Sun)21:56:15 No.754124819 > Back in 1th grade > Teacher ask to write my name > Draw a banana > Gets a F and public exposure I hate my life 13 KB JPG : Anonymous 12/17/17(Sun)21:58:23 No.754125046 >1th You deserve what you got op
: Anonymous 12/17/17(Sun)21:56:15 No.754124819 > Back in 1th grade > Teacher ask to write my name > Draw a banana > Gets a F and public exposure I hate my life 13 KB JPG : Anonymous 12/17/17(Sun)21:58:23 No.754125046 >1th You deserve what you got op

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Anon virginity is protected | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/11/18(Sun)14:29:47 No.784588026 >be me > 20 yo virgin > finally started talking to a girl > yes.gif > she is a redditfag > send her a greentext meme 107 KB GIF > she blocked me > thankyou 4 chan anon who made that greentext , very cool > mfw
: Anonymous 11/11/18(Sun)14:29:47 No.784588026 >be me > 20 yo virgin > finally started talking to a girl > yes.gif > she is a redditfag > send her a greentext meme 107 KB GIF > she blocked me > thankyou 4 chan anon who made that greentext , very cool > mfw

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anon got ripped off | /r/Greentext

"x934) Anonymous 10/20/19(Sun)19: >go to mcdonalds >order two large fries >they give me around 75 tiny ones
"x934) Anonymous 10/20/19(Sun)19: >go to mcdonalds >order two large fries >they give me around 75 tiny ones

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J.J Jameson learns about the J's the hard way | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/15/21(Wed)00:03:36 No.160652277 JJJ.jpg 91 KB JPG >Hoffman, you're s------- me; you can't come in? .Seventh Jewish guy to call in sick tomorrow, September 11th. >Yom Kippur? You made that s--- up. You're fired! Peter Parker enters. >Parker! Seen this in the financial section? Silverstein's shorting all the airline stocks. The f--- is going on? 200
: Anonymous 12/15/21(Wed)00:03:36 No.160652277 JJJ.jpg 91 KB JPG >Hoffman, you're s------- me; you can't come in? .Seventh Jewish guy to call in sick tomorrow, September 11th. >Yom Kippur? You made that s--- up. You're fired! Peter Parker enters. >Parker! Seen this in the financial section? Silverstein's shorting all the airline stocks. The f--- is going on? 200

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Anon tells the time | /r/Greentext

1418776509444.jpg 10 KB JPG >normie asks me the time >"i dont know" >"look at your watch" >look at her right in the eyes >"no"
1418776509444.jpg 10 KB JPG >normie asks me the time >"i dont know" >"look at your watch" >look at her right in the eyes >"no"

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Anon blames it on the cat | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/08/17(Sat)06:01:25 No.738235551 >be me >be seven >piss all over my sisters bed >blame it on the cat >mom kills cat with brick outside >mfw 6 KB JPG >>738236821 # >>738237004 # >>738239172 # >>738239202 # : Anonymous 07/08/17(Sat)06:24:22 No.738236821 >>738235551 # >mom kills cat with brick outside What was it like growing up as white trash? : Anonymous 07/08/17(Sat)06:27:29 No.738237004 >>738235551 # >killing a cat for piss bed your mon is a pshycho, dude : Anonymous 07/08/17(Sat)07:04:05 No.738239172 >>738235551 # Jesus christ you mom needs medical assistance Imao.
: Anonymous 07/08/17(Sat)06:01:25 No.738235551 >be me >be seven >piss all over my sisters bed >blame it on the cat >mom kills cat with brick outside >mfw 6 KB JPG >>738236821 # >>738237004 # >>738239172 # >>738239202 # : Anonymous 07/08/17(Sat)06:24:22 No.738236821 >>738235551 # >mom kills cat with brick outside What was it like growing up as white trash? : Anonymous 07/08/17(Sat)06:27:29 No.738237004 >>738235551 # >killing a cat for piss bed your mon is a pshycho, dude : Anonymous 07/08/17(Sat)07:04:05 No.738239172 >>738235551 # Jesus christ you mom needs medical assistance Imao.

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Man with the plan | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)19:25:33 No.67304670 >have bitchy ex girlfriend >randomly send her so 1am "I just venmo'd you some money for the plan B" >After one minute send "oops, wrong number" Stay toxic lads 772 KB PNG
: Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)19:25:33 No.67304670 >have bitchy ex girlfriend >randomly send her so 1am "I just venmo'd you some money for the plan B" >After one minute send "oops, wrong number" Stay toxic lads 772 KB PNG

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Anon tries to get laid | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/09/21(Tue)10:03:19 No.849174362 >step mom moving stuff in the house >shelf falls over and traps her arm >she yells for my help >"anon, please, help me. I'm stuck." 420 KB JPG >I know exactly where this is going >whip my d--- out >she yells what the f--- >my dad walks in >flips out >they call the cops, I get arrested W-- BangBros, you lied to me
: Anonymous 03/09/21(Tue)10:03:19 No.849174362 >step mom moving stuff in the house >shelf falls over and traps her arm >she yells for my help >"anon, please, help me. I'm stuck." 420 KB JPG >I know exactly where this is going >whip my d--- out >she yells what the f--- >my dad walks in >flips out >they call the cops, I get arrested W-- BangBros, you lied to me

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Classic Ambien Walrus, never change | /r/Greentext

File: ambien walrus.jpg (68 KB, 720x731) JEE? YOU ARE INVINCIBLE TRY AND IUNCH THROUGH YoUR ARM HE CAN YOU GIVE YOUR SELF A 1BLACK EYE? F--- ING AMBIEN WAL RUS O Anonymous (ID: EEsimOKk 02/06/22(Sun)02:55:16 No.14434634 ► >be me in high school >gettin ready for bed, take my meds >lie down, close eyes >15 min later, thinkin bout kung fu >this walrus asks if i can give myself a black eye >cue punching myself in the face laying in bed for 30 minutes >check mirror, no black eye >walrus says i'm invincible, try and punch through your arm >don't really remember rest of night >wake up with black eye and massive bruise on arm >god damn Ambien Walrus
File: ambien walrus.jpg (68 KB, 720x731) JEE? YOU ARE INVINCIBLE TRY AND IUNCH THROUGH YoUR ARM HE CAN YOU GIVE YOUR SELF A 1BLACK EYE? F--- ING AMBIEN WAL RUS O Anonymous (ID: EEsimOKk 02/06/22(Sun)02:55:16 No.14434634 ► >be me in high school >gettin ready for bed, take my meds >lie down, close eyes >15 min later, thinkin bout kung fu >this walrus asks if i can give myself a black eye >cue punching myself in the face laying in bed for 30 minutes >check mirror, no black eye >walrus says i'm invincible, try and punch through your arm >don't really remember rest of night >wake up with black eye and massive bruise on arm >god damn Ambien Walrus

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Anon needs to pee | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)16:52:43 No.872121710 >be me >now >the middle of the night >wanting to pee >my stupid sister is in the toilet s------- for over an hour and won't leave >I decided to go pee outside >go out side with phone for flashlight >usually my cat is out to keep me company but now she's 45 KB PNG not >hear something that kinda freaked me out >my cat is in the back of the balcony (I couldn't see her that well from the darkness) >she was the one making these angry sound and she defensibly was heading to me >I realized that something was wrong with her and opened the door fast and closed it I peed my pants a little but I still need to pee and my bitch sister is still inside : Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)16:55:07 No.872121836 >bust down door >pee on sister Problem solved
: Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)16:52:43 No.872121710 >be me >now >the middle of the night >wanting to pee >my stupid sister is in the toilet s------- for over an hour and won't leave >I decided to go pee outside >go out side with phone for flashlight >usually my cat is out to keep me company but now she's 45 KB PNG not >hear something that kinda freaked me out >my cat is in the back of the balcony (I couldn't see her that well from the darkness) >she was the one making these angry sound and she defensibly was heading to me >I realized that something was wrong with her and opened the door fast and closed it I peed my pants a little but I still need to pee and my bitch sister is still inside : Anonymous 02/05/22(Sat)16:55:07 No.872121836 >bust down door >pee on sister Problem solved

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