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Anon plans a surprise | /r/Greentext


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Anon talks about GTA V | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/12/22(Sat)08:21:56 No.872537376 >start mission >drive from point A to point B >kill X amount of NPC's on point B >drive from point B to point C >mission complete >repeat it 70x times >most profitable video game in history DRand Sthert auto 70 KB JPG
: Anonymous 02/12/22(Sat)08:21:56 No.872537376 >start mission >drive from point A to point B >kill X amount of NPC's on point B >drive from point B to point C >mission complete >repeat it 70x times >most profitable video game in history DRand Sthert auto 70 KB JPG

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Anon got a job offer | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/20/22(Sun)14:02:04 No.26061202 I had a job offer a week ago, and they offered me a wage 3x times higher than I have now, and like 15 times I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'm OOING. higher than average wage. I am probably should be glad, but I am actually stressed as f--- to the point I can barely sleep, because I just don't know anything. I am f------ stupid. They think I am programmer but I have no f------ idea how to code, and all I did when I worked as programmer before - just google a ready or half-ready solution, adapted it slightly and my job is done. And all my colleagues were very nice to me and think I am a good developer and often ask me for some advises, despite I don't know s---. And I usually just google while we are talking, and find a solution they need, 98 KB JPG but I don't know s--- really. And it's all feels surreal. It's like I am surrounded by people who deny reality, and the most scary thing for me is - my new colleagues on my new work will actually see straight that I am dumb as f---. I know about impostor syndrome, but it's really not my case, I am actually just dumb and lucky. I don't know what to do. Should I just refuse and stop stressing about it, or accept and what happens happens?
: Anonymous 03/20/22(Sun)14:02:04 No.26061202 I had a job offer a week ago, and they offered me a wage 3x times higher than I have now, and like 15 times I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'm OOING. higher than average wage. I am probably should be glad, but I am actually stressed as f--- to the point I can barely sleep, because I just don't know anything. I am f------ stupid. They think I am programmer but I have no f------ idea how to code, and all I did when I worked as programmer before - just google a ready or half-ready solution, adapted it slightly and my job is done. And all my colleagues were very nice to me and think I am a good developer and often ask me for some advises, despite I don't know s---. And I usually just google while we are talking, and find a solution they need, 98 KB JPG but I don't know s--- really. And it's all feels surreal. It's like I am surrounded by people who deny reality, and the most scary thing for me is - my new colleagues on my new work will actually see straight that I am dumb as f---. I know about impostor syndrome, but it's really not my case, I am actually just dumb and lucky. I don't know what to do. Should I just refuse and stop stressing about it, or accept and what happens happens?

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Anon drops the little boy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/20/15(Sun) 16:56:32 No.642249023 >Be me in science class >Have to design a container for an egg which will survive a 18 THAT'S A PADDLIN' meter drop 87 KB JPG >not that hard,throw some sponges in a Pringles container and cover it in black duct tape >looks like bomb >idea.jpeg >Writes in big letters on it "LITTLE BOY", named after bomb U.S dropped on Hiroshima >Fast forward to egg drop >No one really understand name of it >"This will be the egg drop to end all egg drops" I tell. >make direct eye contact with super Japanese girl >looks at me in horror >l drop the container without breaking eye contact >l whisper "bombs away" as it falls to the ground >Girl hasn't talked to me since >worth it
: Anonymous 09/20/15(Sun) 16:56:32 No.642249023 >Be me in science class >Have to design a container for an egg which will survive a 18 THAT'S A PADDLIN' meter drop 87 KB JPG >not that hard,throw some sponges in a Pringles container and cover it in black duct tape >looks like bomb >idea.jpeg >Writes in big letters on it "LITTLE BOY", named after bomb U.S dropped on Hiroshima >Fast forward to egg drop >No one really understand name of it >"This will be the egg drop to end all egg drops" I tell. >make direct eye contact with super Japanese girl >looks at me in horror >l drop the container without breaking eye contact >l whisper "bombs away" as it falls to the ground >Girl hasn't talked to me since >worth it

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Anon finds a hundred dollar bill | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/17/22(Thu)16:35:47 No.67818979 >>67815896 (OP) # >26 >picked up a hundred dollar bill from the ground, super lucky! >guy rushes in >"Has anyone seen any cash laying on the ground?! I might have dropped it" >panic, I really want the money to pay parking tickets 143 KB PNG >point to a black guy leaving >"I saw that guy pick something up a while ago, idk what though" >leave quickly as the guy chases down the black man
: Anonymous 03/17/22(Thu)16:35:47 No.67818979 >>67815896 (OP) # >26 >picked up a hundred dollar bill from the ground, super lucky! >guy rushes in >"Has anyone seen any cash laying on the ground?! I might have dropped it" >panic, I really want the money to pay parking tickets 143 KB PNG >point to a black guy leaving >"I saw that guy pick something up a while ago, idk what though" >leave quickly as the guy chases down the black man

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A German anon makes a joke | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 106419206 Hace 1h ... A brazilian walks into a bar, but he can't afford anything, so he leaves immediately 38.7 kB JPG 5 REPLIES 3 IMAGES REPLY Anonymous 106419273 Hace 1h ... This is the pinnacle of German humour and it's pathetic. I can imagine him snorting to himself as he typed this, as if this was an absolute spirit bomb of a comment, and then reading it out loud in his disgusting language "schlieben fleeb hach jurgeflachtung" before falling into a coughing fit from the laughter. I almost pity him.
Anonymous 106419206 Hace 1h ... A brazilian walks into a bar, but he can't afford anything, so he leaves immediately 38.7 kB JPG 5 REPLIES 3 IMAGES REPLY Anonymous 106419273 Hace 1h ... This is the pinnacle of German humour and it's pathetic. I can imagine him snorting to himself as he typed this, as if this was an absolute spirit bomb of a comment, and then reading it out loud in his disgusting language "schlieben fleeb hach jurgeflachtung" before falling into a coughing fit from the laughter. I almost pity him.

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Anon orders a record | /r/Greentext

Mint Jamx >be me >discover awesome Japanese jazz fusion band "Casiopea" >love them so much order vinyl record from eBay japan >it arrives in immaculate condition along with two little origami cranes Casiopea 130 KB JPG and a pack of tea >little hand written note in English (guy put huge effort into making it look nice) from the seller hoping for the buying experience to be positive and is sealed with real wax seal >make the tea and put the record on in my finished basement >listening to mint jams with origami crane friends >start to cry because nobody will ever love me as much as that random Japanese man >tea is f------ bomb ass delicious- I thought I just didn't like tea before that >sadness becomes warm feeling of gratitude and joy >doomer to bloomer just like that Is this why y'all love weeb s---? That was one of the nicer evenings in my life.
Mint Jamx >be me >discover awesome Japanese jazz fusion band "Casiopea" >love them so much order vinyl record from eBay japan >it arrives in immaculate condition along with two little origami cranes Casiopea 130 KB JPG and a pack of tea >little hand written note in English (guy put huge effort into making it look nice) from the seller hoping for the buying experience to be positive and is sealed with real wax seal >make the tea and put the record on in my finished basement >listening to mint jams with origami crane friends >start to cry because nobody will ever love me as much as that random Japanese man >tea is f------ bomb ass delicious- I thought I just didn't like tea before that >sadness becomes warm feeling of gratitude and joy >doomer to bloomer just like that Is this why y'all love weeb s---? That was one of the nicer evenings in my life.

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Anon likes Seinfeld | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/20/22(Sun)19:41:52 No.874802434 >be me >watch Seinfeld >enjoy Seinfeld >bumble date I was ready to get jiggy with it. >invite her over >pop on Netflix >she sees Seinfeld in my feed 23 KB JPG >starts lambasting me with questions >"Do you watch that show? Aren't they racist? Why would you watch that white ass s---?" >getting real p----- off so tell her l'm not going to discuss it if it's going to be an issue andI wasnt watching it with her anyhow >watch some other b------- instead for background noise >kissing is getting heavy >tell her to suck my d--- >she goes down >l bust in her mouth not even 5 mins later >decide to be a d--- because she's not really cute kinda fat and dissed Seinfeld >"That was great, but you gotta go I was planning on watching Seinfeld >she gets mad >"I just swallowed your f------ c-- what the f--- you f------ a------" >grabs her things and leaves slamming my door >go back to watching Seinfeld >continue to enjoy Seinfeld
: Anonymous 03/20/22(Sun)19:41:52 No.874802434 >be me >watch Seinfeld >enjoy Seinfeld >bumble date I was ready to get jiggy with it. >invite her over >pop on Netflix >she sees Seinfeld in my feed 23 KB JPG >starts lambasting me with questions >"Do you watch that show? Aren't they racist? Why would you watch that white ass s---?" >getting real p----- off so tell her l'm not going to discuss it if it's going to be an issue andI wasnt watching it with her anyhow >watch some other b------- instead for background noise >kissing is getting heavy >tell her to suck my d--- >she goes down >l bust in her mouth not even 5 mins later >decide to be a d--- because she's not really cute kinda fat and dissed Seinfeld >"That was great, but you gotta go I was planning on watching Seinfeld >she gets mad >"I just swallowed your f------ c-- what the f--- you f------ a------" >grabs her things and leaves slamming my door >go back to watching Seinfeld >continue to enjoy Seinfeld

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Anon loves the fine arts of film | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/20/22(Sun)12:29:36 No.874776733 >Be me, on Saint Patrick's Day >Get drunk, feel like hanging out at the bar >In line for the bathrooms, one girl is absolutely wasted >Leaning on me, talking to me >Seems nice enough, 8/10 LIKE A VIRGIN 72 KB JPG >We get to talking about movies, she keeps giggling and putting her hands on my chest >l ask if she'd ever seen Moulin Rouge >"No, Anon, do you want to show it to me?" >Say sure, offer to take her back to my place to watch Moulin Rouge >She's leaning on me the whole walk home >Get into bed, open up my laptop, put on the movie >She gets in bed with me, real close >Keeps putting her hands on me, eventually gets to my pants >l don't understand that she thought "watching Moulin Rouge together" was a euphemism >I keep going "no, no, look, this scene is really good" >l'm enjoying the movie very much >She eventually gets bored, says she has to go home >"Okay, have a good night" >Finish watching Moulin Rouge It's such a great movie.
: Anonymous 03/20/22(Sun)12:29:36 No.874776733 >Be me, on Saint Patrick's Day >Get drunk, feel like hanging out at the bar >In line for the bathrooms, one girl is absolutely wasted >Leaning on me, talking to me >Seems nice enough, 8/10 LIKE A VIRGIN 72 KB JPG >We get to talking about movies, she keeps giggling and putting her hands on my chest >l ask if she'd ever seen Moulin Rouge >"No, Anon, do you want to show it to me?" >Say sure, offer to take her back to my place to watch Moulin Rouge >She's leaning on me the whole walk home >Get into bed, open up my laptop, put on the movie >She gets in bed with me, real close >Keeps putting her hands on me, eventually gets to my pants >l don't understand that she thought "watching Moulin Rouge together" was a euphemism >I keep going "no, no, look, this scene is really good" >l'm enjoying the movie very much >She eventually gets bored, says she has to go home >"Okay, have a good night" >Finish watching Moulin Rouge It's such a great movie.

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Anon trolls a stacy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/20/22(Sun)22:48:20 No.67863019 >a female coworker sent me picture of her in underwear over ig without me ever asking >screenshotted it (not to spread it around) >ig actually alerts the other user their message got screenshot 186 KB PNG >now coworker is mad
: Anonymous 03/20/22(Sun)22:48:20 No.67863019 >a female coworker sent me picture of her in underwear over ig without me ever asking >screenshotted it (not to spread it around) >ig actually alerts the other user their message got screenshot 186 KB PNG >now coworker is mad

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Anon finds out about reddit gold... | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/28/18(Wed)18:37:23 No.786057786 >be me >go on Reddit >see that a post has gold and silver >wot.jpg 83 KB JPG >ffw a few weeks >see a post that made me laugh >click on button to give gold >a menu comes up to buy gold >confusion.jpg >click on buy gold >asks for a payment method >what the f--- >some f------ actually spend money to give a medal to posts and comments that they enjoy >mfw
: Anonymous 11/28/18(Wed)18:37:23 No.786057786 >be me >go on Reddit >see that a post has gold and silver >wot.jpg 83 KB JPG >ffw a few weeks >see a post that made me laugh >click on button to give gold >a menu comes up to buy gold >confusion.jpg >click on buy gold >asks for a payment method >what the f--- >some f------ actually spend money to give a medal to posts and comments that they enjoy >mfw

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anon turns gay | /r/Greentext

: : Anonymous 03/20/22(Sun)02:14:26 No.874760068 >hate women so much I decide to become gay just to spite them >come out to my friends >>we knew anon what did they mean by this 142 KB PNG
: : Anonymous 03/20/22(Sun)02:14:26 No.874760068 >hate women so much I decide to become gay just to spite them >come out to my friends >>we knew anon what did they mean by this 142 KB PNG

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The Ultimate Chad | /r/Greentext

03/20/22(Sun)12:43:30 No.592681663 >demigod >father is the god of the land >mother is queen of the moon >so powerful that he can command the stars >becomes large so he can't ride his 1.01 MB JPG horse he's known since childhood, so he goes to magic school to learn gravity magic just to ride him >half-sister spreads magic cancer all over your domain, infecting you >still manage to be just as powerful despite being horribly disease-stricken and turned into a ravaging beast >men have a large festival to give their general an honorable death >even while being infected with scarlet rot, he is still able to control the stars Is this the peak of masculinity?
03/20/22(Sun)12:43:30 No.592681663 >demigod >father is the god of the land >mother is queen of the moon >so powerful that he can command the stars >becomes large so he can't ride his 1.01 MB JPG horse he's known since childhood, so he goes to magic school to learn gravity magic just to ride him >half-sister spreads magic cancer all over your domain, infecting you >still manage to be just as powerful despite being horribly disease-stricken and turned into a ravaging beast >men have a large festival to give their general an honorable death >even while being infected with scarlet rot, he is still able to control the stars Is this the peak of masculinity?

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anon goes to see a movie | /r/Greentext

File: 1442571422947.jpg (220 KB, 1182x966) Anonymous 03/07/16(Mon)18:05:16 No.672747306 [Reply] ► >>672749164 >be me >going to see the viewing of Zootopia >in the theater here they have an RPX viewing place where you can reserve seats >reserve the entire row, costs me almost $150 >this is the best row, the one right by the stairs >the one that all the moms with their little s---- go to sit at because it's the easiest to get to >sit right in the middle >hot cooked food to the left, drink, popcorn to the right >moms start pouring in with their spawn >trying to sit down >"sorry but all of these seats are reserved" >"for who?" >"for me" >"you can't do that" >"yes, I can" >almost every single one of them ask to go see a manager, carrying their spawn along with them >manager comes in, I show him the tickets with the seat spot numbers as proof that I reserved the seats >"sorry ma'am, he reserved them, but there are plenty of other seats to sit at" >at this point they don't even care where they sit, they just don't want me to win >they start complaining to the manager about how it's b------- that I get to reserve every seat in the row and how they should change their policy to where each person can only reserve one seat and bla bla bla >manager backs me up though, what a trooper >they accept defeat and take their seats >few moments later, some people come in without kids, and go to sit down in the row I reserved >soccer mom in the row above me tells them in a very bitchy way "you can't sit there, he reserved every single seat in that row just for him. It's b-------" >"no it's fine, you guys can sit here" >this just pisses her off more >she storms out and gets a manager again >hear her yelling at the manager about how he's discriminating against her >she threatens to leave >he kid starts crying >she admits defeat again and sits down >l audibly laugh >"that's it" >she grabs her kid by the arm and leaves >mfw
File: 1442571422947.jpg (220 KB, 1182x966) Anonymous 03/07/16(Mon)18:05:16 No.672747306 [Reply] ► >>672749164 >be me >going to see the viewing of Zootopia >in the theater here they have an RPX viewing place where you can reserve seats >reserve the entire row, costs me almost $150 >this is the best row, the one right by the stairs >the one that all the moms with their little s---- go to sit at because it's the easiest to get to >sit right in the middle >hot cooked food to the left, drink, popcorn to the right >moms start pouring in with their spawn >trying to sit down >"sorry but all of these seats are reserved" >"for who?" >"for me" >"you can't do that" >"yes, I can" >almost every single one of them ask to go see a manager, carrying their spawn along with them >manager comes in, I show him the tickets with the seat spot numbers as proof that I reserved the seats >"sorry ma'am, he reserved them, but there are plenty of other seats to sit at" >at this point they don't even care where they sit, they just don't want me to win >they start complaining to the manager about how it's b------- that I get to reserve every seat in the row and how they should change their policy to where each person can only reserve one seat and bla bla bla >manager backs me up though, what a trooper >they accept defeat and take their seats >few moments later, some people come in without kids, and go to sit down in the row I reserved >soccer mom in the row above me tells them in a very bitchy way "you can't sit there, he reserved every single seat in that row just for him. It's b-------" >"no it's fine, you guys can sit here" >this just pisses her off more >she storms out and gets a manager again >hear her yelling at the manager about how he's discriminating against her >she threatens to leave >he kid starts crying >she admits defeat again and sits down >l audibly laugh >"that's it" >she grabs her kid by the arm and leaves >mfw

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Anon grandpa is gangsta | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/17/21(Thu)20:44:00 No.857076209 >be 2nd grade teacher >school is in low-income, high- crime neighborhood >one of my kids often gets picked up by his grandpa >grandpa is an OG who used to be a gangbanger in the 80s, spent 1.19 MB JPG some time in prison, and got his s--- together >he's big and scary-looking, but super f------ nice >leave the school after working late one day, some dudes walk up to me and ask what time it is >look down at my watch and one of them sucker punches me >try to fight back but it's 3-on-1 >get my watch, phone, and wallet taken >next day during dismissal >students grandpa notices bruises, asks what the hell happened >oh I got jumped by some guys on my way home >he asks what they looked like >don't know but I remember they drove away in a white Camaro >he nods and says okay >about a week later, student comes back and hands me a plastic bag from his backpack >inside is my phone, wallet, and watch >see a news report a few months later about a white Camaro found at the bottom of a nearby lake >owner is still missing
: Anonymous 06/17/21(Thu)20:44:00 No.857076209 >be 2nd grade teacher >school is in low-income, high- crime neighborhood >one of my kids often gets picked up by his grandpa >grandpa is an OG who used to be a gangbanger in the 80s, spent 1.19 MB JPG some time in prison, and got his s--- together >he's big and scary-looking, but super f------ nice >leave the school after working late one day, some dudes walk up to me and ask what time it is >look down at my watch and one of them sucker punches me >try to fight back but it's 3-on-1 >get my watch, phone, and wallet taken >next day during dismissal >students grandpa notices bruises, asks what the hell happened >oh I got jumped by some guys on my way home >he asks what they looked like >don't know but I remember they drove away in a white Camaro >he nods and says okay >about a week later, student comes back and hands me a plastic bag from his backpack >inside is my phone, wallet, and watch >see a news report a few months later about a white Camaro found at the bottom of a nearby lake >owner is still missing

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anon becomes his worst enemy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/19/22(Sat)20:49:03 No.874748240 >be me >be white and blonde hair >start investing in stock market >actually do pretty well >make good money >notice my nose get larger Stop notse, mating start moneymeking 215 KB JPG >notice it starts to lean down >probably nothing >make more money by doing nothing, but investing in smart hard-working people >notice my hair is darkening >starting to curl I am turning jewish bros? How to cure this? Will it go away if I stop investing?
: Anonymous 03/19/22(Sat)20:49:03 No.874748240 >be me >be white and blonde hair >start investing in stock market >actually do pretty well >make good money >notice my nose get larger Stop notse, mating start moneymeking 215 KB JPG >notice it starts to lean down >probably nothing >make more money by doing nothing, but investing in smart hard-working people >notice my hair is darkening >starting to curl I am turning jewish bros? How to cure this? Will it go away if I stop investing?

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Anon makes a friend | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 12/15/17(Fri)21:28:01 No.9722834 File: asscryed.jpg (252 KB, 644x660) >>9722880 >feel bad for a lonely guy in my class >invite him to a cosplay event >he shows up dressed as Fred Flintstone in blackface >he keeps screaming "I yabba dabba dindu nuffin!" This was a f------ mistake.
Anonymous 12/15/17(Fri)21:28:01 No.9722834 File: asscryed.jpg (252 KB, 644x660) >>9722880 >feel bad for a lonely guy in my class >invite him to a cosplay event >he shows up dressed as Fred Flintstone in blackface >he keeps screaming "I yabba dabba dindu nuffin!" This was a f------ mistake.

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Anon is genius | /r/Greentext

5m (9/20 9:39) · 863436421 2 Re 2 Img JPG 1MB (1080 × 2220) 1 Reply >superglue GPS tracker to bicycle >leave it unlocked infront of my apartment >wait for people to steal it >chase them in my car, get out and kick their ass >take their wallets >repeat I made $800 in a month doing this ...
5m (9/20 9:39) · 863436421 2 Re 2 Img JPG 1MB (1080 × 2220) 1 Reply >superglue GPS tracker to bicycle >leave it unlocked infront of my apartment >wait for people to steal it >chase them in my car, get out and kick their ass >take their wallets >repeat I made $800 in a month doing this ...

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Cicada does not elaborate because he's a cad | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 857481178 >wait 17 years >wake up >scream for 4 weeks >refuse to elaborate >die 16 REPLIES 3 IMAGES
Anonymous | 857481178 >wait 17 years >wake up >scream for 4 weeks >refuse to elaborate >die 16 REPLIES 3 IMAGES

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ITT anon fucked up | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 41 minutes ago 874761180: >be camping with friends in summer >completely drunk >suddenly have to take a s--- >I go to the camping toilets, choose a stall and sit >30 seconds passes and I hear cute discrete moaning from the next stall >a girl must being banged in it >instantly diamonds, I start to fap >blow a huge load to those moanings >go out >wait outside like 20 meters away to see what she looks like >the stall opens >a 6 years old kid goes out >mfw I fapped to a 6yo constipated kid taking a s---
Anonymous 41 minutes ago 874761180: >be camping with friends in summer >completely drunk >suddenly have to take a s--- >I go to the camping toilets, choose a stall and sit >30 seconds passes and I hear cute discrete moaning from the next stall >a girl must being banged in it >instantly diamonds, I start to fap >blow a huge load to those moanings >go out >wait outside like 20 meters away to see what she looks like >the stall opens >a 6 years old kid goes out >mfw I fapped to a 6yo constipated kid taking a s---

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