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Anon needs the bathroom | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 249 KB JPG 07/22/24(Mon)13:51:32 No.921707901 > be me >work as a technican at a company where i renovate flats > be in one of those flats today > need to take a s--- badly > use the toilet in the flat >there is no toilet paper > guess i'll have to clean my ass with water >water is disabled >f---.png >what do? > sneak out to another flat with pants down where i left my apple juice >wash my ass with it >happiness.gif > still need too flush the toilet though because i have in appointment in that flat 10 minutes later >go to all other flats where i have access and collect the little water left in the pipes with my bottle > finally flush the toilet >tfw didn't i go to the cafe next door to s---???
Anonymous 249 KB JPG 07/22/24(Mon)13:51:32 No.921707901 > be me >work as a technican at a company where i renovate flats > be in one of those flats today > need to take a s--- badly > use the toilet in the flat >there is no toilet paper > guess i'll have to clean my ass with water >water is disabled >f---.png >what do? > sneak out to another flat with pants down where i left my apple juice >wash my ass with it >happiness.gif > still need too flush the toilet though because i have in appointment in that flat 10 minutes later >go to all other flats where i have access and collect the little water left in the pipes with my bottle > finally flush the toilet >tfw didn't i go to the cafe next door to s---???

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Anon is a criminal | /r/Greentext

File: steal.jpg (132 KB, 1160x771) >walk past register >throw it all away in a nearby trash can >leave the store Anyone else Petty-Theftmaxxing? Anonymous 07/22/24(Mon)02:28:19 No.78237440 [Reply] ► >be me >walk into convenience store >go to the food section and open a small bag of chips >eat it >walk over to the soft drink aisle >open a bottle of soda >drink it >clerk sees me >tell him that I'm just hungry and that I'll pay when I get to the register Out of the 10 or so times I've done this, I only failed once. I think it was because the same clerk saw what I was doing on multiple occasions and told security. Has anyone else had any luck with this?
File: steal.jpg (132 KB, 1160x771) >walk past register >throw it all away in a nearby trash can >leave the store Anyone else Petty-Theftmaxxing? Anonymous 07/22/24(Mon)02:28:19 No.78237440 [Reply] ► >be me >walk into convenience store >go to the food section and open a small bag of chips >eat it >walk over to the soft drink aisle >open a bottle of soda >drink it >clerk sees me >tell him that I'm just hungry and that I'll pay when I get to the register Out of the 10 or so times I've done this, I only failed once. I think it was because the same clerk saw what I was doing on multiple occasions and told security. Has anyone else had any luck with this?

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The price of free speech | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: JttIR/F/ 07/13/24(Sat)20:17:06 No.473958712 gettyimages-1229892983-square.jpg 56 KB JPG >spends 42 billion on freedom of speech >makes sure it hardly ever works
Anonymous (ID: JttIR/F/ 07/13/24(Sat)20:17:06 No.473958712 gettyimages-1229892983-square.jpg 56 KB JPG >spends 42 billion on freedom of speech >makes sure it hardly ever works

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Democracy at its finest | /r/Greentext

Board /pol/ - Politically Incorrect Anonymous (ID: USB3a0TT) ▼ Settings Mobile Home 07/21/24(Sun)09:15:23 No.475056323 225 KB PNG >OMG This elected official doesn't want to spend all of his countries money the way we want him to? >He must be a threat to democracy!
Board /pol/ - Politically Incorrect Anonymous (ID: USB3a0TT) ▼ Settings Mobile Home 07/21/24(Sun)09:15:23 No.475056323 225 KB PNG >OMG This elected official doesn't want to spend all of his countries money the way we want him to? >He must be a threat to democracy!

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Enemy Contact | /r/Greentext

: Odd Anon 07/09/24(Tue)23:37:51 No.78099205 download (1).jpg 7 KB JPG > passionate to the significant other > only lusts after her but still have self-control On the flip side > small d--- > can only c-- in more or less than 5 mins So much for being the giver in the other end, sigh...
: Odd Anon 07/09/24(Tue)23:37:51 No.78099205 download (1).jpg 7 KB JPG > passionate to the significant other > only lusts after her but still have self-control On the flip side > small d--- > can only c-- in more or less than 5 mins So much for being the giver in the other end, sigh...

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Anon has a project | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/21/21(Wed)18:07:08 No.50016654 fuel.jpg 266 KB JPG Hey /k/, I've recently acquired a source of neutrons. Do you know what drillbits have the most cobalt in them? I'm working on a technical project. Pic related, a spent fuel bundle. Also: how much blood is still a healthy amount of blood to pee? Anonymous 07/21/21(Wed)19:07:09 No.50017901 Show us the roentgens anon 1.39 MB GIF >>50017984 # Anonymous 07/21/21(Wed)19:14:01 No.50017984 DMC 3000 03 20210721 133055.jpg 1.6 MB JPG >>50017901 # I don't have a neutron meter so I can only calculate it by the gamma ratio, but I picked up 0.3 rem (300 mrem) in the time it took to take this picture. Neutrons on spent fuel are generally 5:1 so it's pretty hot. >>50018042 € >>5001806250018174 >>50018228 # >>50018347 # >>50018457 >>50019034 >>50019124 >>50019224 # >>50022249# >>50023617 # >>50023941# >>50024750 # >>50026220 # >>50026235# >>50031903 >>50033009 >>50033769 >>50034000 # Anonymous 07/21/21(Wed)19:31:35 No.50018174 >>50017984 # >anon received a radiation dose of-3 millisieverts in the time it took to take this picture 373 KB PNG >if the ratio between gamma rays and neutrons is 1:5 then that's an additional base dose of ~15 millisieverts from the neutrons >the weighting factors of slow neutrons is 3 >anon has probably received an equivalent dose of ~45+3=48 millisieverts just in the time it took for him to take this picture >industry recommendation for radiation workers is typically no more than 50 mSv IN A YEAR GET OUT OF THERE STALKER >>50018196 # >>50018218 # >>50018220 # >>50018228 # >>50018942 # >>50019048 # >>50019224 # >>50023941 #
Anonymous 07/21/21(Wed)18:07:08 No.50016654 fuel.jpg 266 KB JPG Hey /k/, I've recently acquired a source of neutrons. Do you know what drillbits have the most cobalt in them? I'm working on a technical project. Pic related, a spent fuel bundle. Also: how much blood is still a healthy amount of blood to pee? Anonymous 07/21/21(Wed)19:07:09 No.50017901 Show us the roentgens anon 1.39 MB GIF >>50017984 # Anonymous 07/21/21(Wed)19:14:01 No.50017984 DMC 3000 03 20210721 133055.jpg 1.6 MB JPG >>50017901 # I don't have a neutron meter so I can only calculate it by the gamma ratio, but I picked up 0.3 rem (300 mrem) in the time it took to take this picture. Neutrons on spent fuel are generally 5:1 so it's pretty hot. >>50018042 € >>5001806250018174 >>50018228 # >>50018347 # >>50018457 >>50019034 >>50019124 >>50019224 # >>50022249# >>50023617 # >>50023941# >>50024750 # >>50026220 # >>50026235# >>50031903 >>50033009 >>50033769 >>50034000 # Anonymous 07/21/21(Wed)19:31:35 No.50018174 >>50017984 # >anon received a radiation dose of-3 millisieverts in the time it took to take this picture 373 KB PNG >if the ratio between gamma rays and neutrons is 1:5 then that's an additional base dose of ~15 millisieverts from the neutrons >the weighting factors of slow neutrons is 3 >anon has probably received an equivalent dose of ~45+3=48 millisieverts just in the time it took for him to take this picture >industry recommendation for radiation workers is typically no more than 50 mSv IN A YEAR GET OUT OF THERE STALKER >>50018196 # >>50018218 # >>50018220 # >>50018228 # >>50018942 # >>50019048 # >>50019224 # >>50023941 #

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Anon has an idea | /r/Greentext

1018611.jpg) Anonymous (ID: jR83qLK5) 06/02/12(Sat)07:03:45 No.40 1) piss on a plate 2) put it in the freezer 3) wait till late at night when its frozen 4) take the piss disc off the plate 5) slide it under someone's door 6) they'll wake up to a mysterious puddle of piss on their floor 5 posts omitted. Click Reply to view.
1018611.jpg) Anonymous (ID: jR83qLK5) 06/02/12(Sat)07:03:45 No.40 1) piss on a plate 2) put it in the freezer 3) wait till late at night when its frozen 4) take the piss disc off the plate 5) slide it under someone's door 6) they'll wake up to a mysterious puddle of piss on their floor 5 posts omitted. Click Reply to view.

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Average Greentext | /r/Greentext

Achan cycle of continue on I live again Cycle of reincarnation continues ^ Idie & Be me Straight > Have sex with man Am woman
Achan cycle of continue on I live again Cycle of reincarnation continues ^ Idie & Be me Straight > Have sex with man Am woman

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Returning to form | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: LjWncgcd 07/22/24(Mon)00:18:03 No.475119479 >kamala needs a vp biden.jpg 66 KB JPG >its probably going to be a white man >needs to be someone with experience >someone whos won elections before >whos comfortable serving under a black president >who has connections in congress welcome back mr vice president
Anonymous (ID: LjWncgcd 07/22/24(Mon)00:18:03 No.475119479 >kamala needs a vp biden.jpg 66 KB JPG >its probably going to be a white man >needs to be someone with experience >someone whos won elections before >whos comfortable serving under a black president >who has connections in congress welcome back mr vice president

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But did you do it PROPERLY? | /r/Greentext

MELLARK matsu not amused.gif >>682712827 (OP) # >Play game 983 KB GIF >Stuck in part so look up guide >Guide says do the same s--- I tried the first time >Now it works Apparently videogame guides are my mom now.
MELLARK matsu not amused.gif >>682712827 (OP) # >Play game 983 KB GIF >Stuck in part so look up guide >Guide says do the same s--- I tried the first time >Now it works Apparently videogame guides are my mom now.

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Anon stops vandalism | /r/Greentext

File: clowns17n-2-web.jpg (94 KB, 750x829) 33 Anonymous 03/22/17(Wed)16:03:39 No.726490398 story time autists >be me >6'6" 280lb redneck >we're talking full blown, AR15-toting, Trump-supporting, trailer-dwelling Texan redneck >live 2 miles from nearest human and 10 miles from nearest town >watching s----- reality TV one evening >stark naked b/c Texan summers and my wagie ass can't afford A/C >at about 11pm, hear car pulling up in driveway >LeaveMeAloneShitheads.jpg >look out window, see s------ 1990s Toyota covered in graffiti >3 teenagers in what I'm guessing was supposed to be "scary" clown attire file out >recall string of vandalism in local news, lightbulb goes off >NotOnMyWatch.exe >grab rifle, throw on nearest pair of boots and quietly go out back door >start slowly circling around trailer hoping to catch the little f------ in the act >hear some indistinct talking on side opposite mine, figure it's my chance >dramatically jump out with rifle up and start thinking of something imposing to say like "wanna die?" or "f--- you" >stage 5 autism kicks in, my brain fuses the two, and I shout at the top of my voice "WANNA F---?" >quickly look down and realize all the adrenaline has made my member fully erect >realize how it must look from their perspective >a 6'6" fatass with an AR15, a woody, and wearing nothing but cowboy boots has just asked them to f--- >I have NEVER seen anything haul ass faster in my entire life >no vandalism on the news for a couple weeks
File: clowns17n-2-web.jpg (94 KB, 750x829) 33 Anonymous 03/22/17(Wed)16:03:39 No.726490398 story time autists >be me >6'6" 280lb redneck >we're talking full blown, AR15-toting, Trump-supporting, trailer-dwelling Texan redneck >live 2 miles from nearest human and 10 miles from nearest town >watching s----- reality TV one evening >stark naked b/c Texan summers and my wagie ass can't afford A/C >at about 11pm, hear car pulling up in driveway >LeaveMeAloneShitheads.jpg >look out window, see s------ 1990s Toyota covered in graffiti >3 teenagers in what I'm guessing was supposed to be "scary" clown attire file out >recall string of vandalism in local news, lightbulb goes off >NotOnMyWatch.exe >grab rifle, throw on nearest pair of boots and quietly go out back door >start slowly circling around trailer hoping to catch the little f------ in the act >hear some indistinct talking on side opposite mine, figure it's my chance >dramatically jump out with rifle up and start thinking of something imposing to say like "wanna die?" or "f--- you" >stage 5 autism kicks in, my brain fuses the two, and I shout at the top of my voice "WANNA F---?" >quickly look down and realize all the adrenaline has made my member fully erect >realize how it must look from their perspective >a 6'6" fatass with an AR15, a woody, and wearing nothing but cowboy boots has just asked them to f--- >I have NEVER seen anything haul ass faster in my entire life >no vandalism on the news for a couple weeks

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Anyone else notice this? | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/14/22(Thu)23:35:34 No.171095917 resident_evil12.jpg 200 KB JPG >>171095881 # Remember when black people used to be people? I can only speak for myself but I would see them in a movie and not think twice about it because it was just a guy in a movie. >>171096230 # >>171096325 # >>171096340 # >>171096377 # >>171096856 #>>171097211 # >>171097871 # >>171098022 # >>171100374 # >>171100595 # >>171100884 # >>171102970 #
Anonymous 07/14/22(Thu)23:35:34 No.171095917 resident_evil12.jpg 200 KB JPG >>171095881 # Remember when black people used to be people? I can only speak for myself but I would see them in a movie and not think twice about it because it was just a guy in a movie. >>171096230 # >>171096325 # >>171096340 # >>171096377 # >>171096856 #>>171097211 # >>171097871 # >>171098022 # >>171100374 # >>171100595 # >>171100884 # >>171102970 #

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Anon is paranoid | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/21/22(Mon)03:04:44 No.373487654 3 handsome.jpg 29 KB JPG I legit got paranoid as f--- and thought the game was using my webcam when this guy showed up.
Anonymous 02/21/22(Mon)03:04:44 No.373487654 3 handsome.jpg 29 KB JPG I legit got paranoid as f--- and thought the game was using my webcam when this guy showed up.

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Summer Holiday | /r/Greentext

Board /int/ - International Anonymous ▼ Settings Mobile Home 07/21/24(Sun)16:16:54 No.200024659 331 KB PNG >Kid: Mummy, can we go to Spanish beach? >Mum: We have beach at home. The beach at home.
Board /int/ - International Anonymous ▼ Settings Mobile Home 07/21/24(Sun)16:16:54 No.200024659 331 KB PNG >Kid: Mummy, can we go to Spanish beach? >Mum: We have beach at home. The beach at home.

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Step Father | /r/Greentext

> be me > 27m single loser and lonely as f--- > Get a call from hospital, best friend and his wife die in a car accident, only their son survived > no other family member aside from grandparents but they live nursing homes and aren't able to take care of him but to my surprise they made me sole guardian in case of anything > I bring him home weeks later > I clean up and prepare to adjust to a drastic change but anything for my best friend > Many years go by and the boy is 18 graduating high school > He gives a speech at his graduation party > "...And I want to thank the man who raised me unexpectedly and turned his life around so that I could have chance at succeeding in mine, thank you." > We all applaud and he comes up to and says "Did you like my speech dad?" I sure did son.
> be me > 27m single loser and lonely as f--- > Get a call from hospital, best friend and his wife die in a car accident, only their son survived > no other family member aside from grandparents but they live nursing homes and aren't able to take care of him but to my surprise they made me sole guardian in case of anything > I bring him home weeks later > I clean up and prepare to adjust to a drastic change but anything for my best friend > Many years go by and the boy is 18 graduating high school > He gives a speech at his graduation party > "...And I want to thank the man who raised me unexpectedly and turned his life around so that I could have chance at succeeding in mine, thank you." > We all applaud and he comes up to and says "Did you like my speech dad?" I sure did son.

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Anon tries social gaming | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Noobest of noob teamate 488 KB JPG 07/21/24(Sun)22:44:23 No.487011579 >be me >med intern >25 years old >after rubbing my butt to become a Doctor i decided to pick up my old hobby that my parents forced to abandon (vidya) >used to have a 1060 msi laptop from 2019 >dad bought me a 4050 laptop (thanks dad) >pack a controller for my internship as my kbm are too large to carry. (rookie mistake) >set up 10mbps wifi connection (great for online play but sucks for downloading large files >have another guy who is a fanboy of gaming. >not purely into the culture (doesnt know Digital foundry) >bought a used ps4 >s----- controller >even s------- at using it >bought a 144hz monitor to play on (idk why) bought the cheapest membrane keyboard and mouse from a local dealer >asked me to download cod Warzone okay >im not an expert with a controller myself but at least i reach rank 2 in BR >one day i bring my laptop to his house >plaw with him side 2 side >his game looks like someone smeared vaseline over his screen its cause game is renderd at 480p bbut upscaled to 1080 cuz ps4 > he looks at my screen 100+fps on 144hz display with no upscaling >his jaw dropped but still vouches for his ps4 and says its basically a next gen console cuz sony is still selling this bluepilled to death >anyways play together >no gamesense >doesnnt sprint >stands in open begging to be sniped doesnt ADS his gun and free aim everything >he barely got a kill bro did you even play a cod before? >"Yes cod mobile" but still w-- >play for another few days not side 2 side this time > his ps4 is bugged to death >can hear all of his ps4 ui and game sound and my own voice returns to me >annoying af >keep reviving this bozo >cant do s--- finally i gave up >bro im done for the night got a heavy shift tomorrow >"okay no problem anon" diconnected from the party >play a match alone >reach rank 2 feel good but tired >w-- bro >i could have had a nice 60 min session > but this mofo makes it 2.5 hrs because of his s----- wifi and decaying 2013 ps4 hdd mfw gaming made me tired instead of happy
: Anonymous Noobest of noob teamate 488 KB JPG 07/21/24(Sun)22:44:23 No.487011579 >be me >med intern >25 years old >after rubbing my butt to become a Doctor i decided to pick up my old hobby that my parents forced to abandon (vidya) >used to have a 1060 msi laptop from 2019 >dad bought me a 4050 laptop (thanks dad) >pack a controller for my internship as my kbm are too large to carry. (rookie mistake) >set up 10mbps wifi connection (great for online play but sucks for downloading large files >have another guy who is a fanboy of gaming. >not purely into the culture (doesnt know Digital foundry) >bought a used ps4 >s----- controller >even s------- at using it >bought a 144hz monitor to play on (idk why) bought the cheapest membrane keyboard and mouse from a local dealer >asked me to download cod Warzone okay >im not an expert with a controller myself but at least i reach rank 2 in BR >one day i bring my laptop to his house >plaw with him side 2 side >his game looks like someone smeared vaseline over his screen its cause game is renderd at 480p bbut upscaled to 1080 cuz ps4 > he looks at my screen 100+fps on 144hz display with no upscaling >his jaw dropped but still vouches for his ps4 and says its basically a next gen console cuz sony is still selling this bluepilled to death >anyways play together >no gamesense >doesnnt sprint >stands in open begging to be sniped doesnt ADS his gun and free aim everything >he barely got a kill bro did you even play a cod before? >"Yes cod mobile" but still w-- >play for another few days not side 2 side this time > his ps4 is bugged to death >can hear all of his ps4 ui and game sound and my own voice returns to me >annoying af >keep reviving this bozo >cant do s--- finally i gave up >bro im done for the night got a heavy shift tomorrow >"okay no problem anon" diconnected from the party >play a match alone >reach rank 2 feel good but tired >w-- bro >i could have had a nice 60 min session > but this mofo makes it 2.5 hrs because of his s----- wifi and decaying 2013 ps4 hdd mfw gaming made me tired instead of happy

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Eat food?! At my restaurant? | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/21/24(Sun)07:41:17 No.201536170 ΚΕ Ca NA a second customer.png 1.7 MB PNG >chef... a second customer has just entered the restaurant...
Anonymous 07/21/24(Sun)07:41:17 No.201536170 ΚΕ Ca NA a second customer.png 1.7 MB PNG >chef... a second customer has just entered the restaurant...

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Anon is on to it | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 12/29/21(Wed)20:50:35 No.869588879 FoodTank agriculturesubsidiesworldbankreport.jpg >put food in the dirt 245 KB JPG >much more food comes out You expect me to believe this b-------?? Anonymous COAST S 12/29/21(Wed)20:55:41 No.869589196 >>869588879 (OP) # >build triangle out of metal >it doesn't sink B------- 103 KB JPG Anonymous 12/29/21(Wed)20:57:35 No.869589312 >build a giant metal bird >wings don't even flap They didn't even try and make it believable 379 KB JPG
Anonymous 12/29/21(Wed)20:50:35 No.869588879 FoodTank agriculturesubsidiesworldbankreport.jpg >put food in the dirt 245 KB JPG >much more food comes out You expect me to believe this b-------?? Anonymous COAST S 12/29/21(Wed)20:55:41 No.869589196 >>869588879 (OP) # >build triangle out of metal >it doesn't sink B------- 103 KB JPG Anonymous 12/29/21(Wed)20:57:35 No.869589312 >build a giant metal bird >wings don't even flap They didn't even try and make it believable 379 KB JPG

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Tomboy Foolery | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/14/24(Sun)01:38:12 No.201274528 146907796.jpg 105 KB JPG >be single white female tomboy >put out ad seeking girl roommate >all the applicants are crazy lesbians Is this a common issue for women?
Anonymous 07/14/24(Sun)01:38:12 No.201274528 146907796.jpg 105 KB JPG >be single white female tomboy >put out ad seeking girl roommate >all the applicants are crazy lesbians Is this a common issue for women?

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The truth they tried to hide | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 12/01/20(Tue)16:02:20 No.61174419 stein.jpg 17 KB JPG >be epstein. >chilling in cell >clintons come in, forcefully cover you in oil >they leave >that was weird but okay, at least they didn't kill me. >the sprinkler turns on >shoot upwards and break neck on ceiling
Anonymous 12/01/20(Tue)16:02:20 No.61174419 stein.jpg 17 KB JPG >be epstein. >chilling in cell >clintons come in, forcefully cover you in oil >they leave >that was weird but okay, at least they didn't kill me. >the sprinkler turns on >shoot upwards and break neck on ceiling

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