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anon is a prosecutor | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 208 KB JPEG 2024-08-07, 7:06:17 p.m. No.61478096 > be prosecution with chill and suave mannerism, respected by general lawyer community as a whole > so respected you have an assistant that makes you your own coffee brew to drink during case > famed "never lost a case" defense attorney gets to be in your first ever trial > attorney starts spouting out about some random ass b-------, jumping through so many hoops the m----------- could be in a circus > Imaowtf.jpg > calmly sipping coffee and talking about mild philosophy while observing his claims > judge is about to cast verdict > yell "Hold it." and watch the entire court go silent "What is it, Anon?" > i can just say whatever b------- i want and people will respect me for it "the one who prefers to piss in the sink ends up sinking in the piss..." > everyone is utterly f------ dumbfounded "if you will. consider for a moment that the story you've just created is off by a little bit. just because the witness wasn't at the building the mentioned doesn't mean he killed a man in an entirely different building 10 miles away." > sip 12th cup of coffee, enjoying the taste; an especially deep and rich brew, gonna have to thank my assistant for the convenient timing "the witness, being a very rich detective, could have merely just been at his house. maybe at the grocery store. honestly, who cares? all i'm saying is your loops are bogus. stick to normal explanations next time... the taller a building is built, the harder it breaks when it falls." > dumbass Peedicks defense sweating bullets and burying his head in his hands > calmly sip coffee as the entire jury snickers at his bullshittery I love my job.
Anonymous 208 KB JPEG 2024-08-07, 7:06:17 p.m. No.61478096 > be prosecution with chill and suave mannerism, respected by general lawyer community as a whole > so respected you have an assistant that makes you your own coffee brew to drink during case > famed "never lost a case" defense attorney gets to be in your first ever trial > attorney starts spouting out about some random ass b-------, jumping through so many hoops the m----------- could be in a circus > Imaowtf.jpg > calmly sipping coffee and talking about mild philosophy while observing his claims > judge is about to cast verdict > yell "Hold it." and watch the entire court go silent "What is it, Anon?" > i can just say whatever b------- i want and people will respect me for it "the one who prefers to piss in the sink ends up sinking in the piss..." > everyone is utterly f------ dumbfounded "if you will. consider for a moment that the story you've just created is off by a little bit. just because the witness wasn't at the building the mentioned doesn't mean he killed a man in an entirely different building 10 miles away." > sip 12th cup of coffee, enjoying the taste; an especially deep and rich brew, gonna have to thank my assistant for the convenient timing "the witness, being a very rich detective, could have merely just been at his house. maybe at the grocery store. honestly, who cares? all i'm saying is your loops are bogus. stick to normal explanations next time... the taller a building is built, the harder it breaks when it falls." > dumbass Peedicks defense sweating bullets and burying his head in his hands > calmly sip coffee as the entire jury snickers at his bullshittery I love my job.

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anon deals with a thief | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 172 KB JPG 08/11/24(Sun) 20:04:02 No.922738503 >be me >retardville university >some retard keeps saying my name >ignore him, say hi and that i am busy >retard takes my s---, tries playing keepaway for no reason >says he is trying to talk to me >ask for my s--- back >doesn't do it >ask 4 more times, still doesn't do it >finally scream slurs at him to give me my s--- back, friend comes in and demands retard give me my s--- back, friend knows how I get p----- >retard obliges, doesn't apologize and f---- off >mfw it could've been avoided had he not stolen my s--- >yet another day of retardville university I am so f------ done with this s---, all he had to do was be a normal person and realize stealing peoples s--- will make them mad.
Anonymous 172 KB JPG 08/11/24(Sun) 20:04:02 No.922738503 >be me >retardville university >some retard keeps saying my name >ignore him, say hi and that i am busy >retard takes my s---, tries playing keepaway for no reason >says he is trying to talk to me >ask for my s--- back >doesn't do it >ask 4 more times, still doesn't do it >finally scream slurs at him to give me my s--- back, friend comes in and demands retard give me my s--- back, friend knows how I get p----- >retard obliges, doesn't apologize and f---- off >mfw it could've been avoided had he not stolen my s--- >yet another day of retardville university I am so f------ done with this s---, all he had to do was be a normal person and realize stealing peoples s--- will make them mad.

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Anon joins an American server | /r/Greentext

No.89625332 2 minutes ago Canada >playing an FPS >join an American server >hear gunfire around me, duck for cover >don't see any enemies around >realize one of my teammates left his microphone on
No.89625332 2 minutes ago Canada >playing an FPS >join an American server >hear gunfire around me, duck for cover >don't see any enemies around >realize one of my teammates left his microphone on

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Anon completely misses the point | /r/Greentext

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO youngman.jpg, 40KiB, 640x480 Anonymous Tue 14 May 2024 05:12:04 No.143631100 Report Quoted By: >>143631134 Could you explain your post, young man?
View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO youngman.jpg, 40KiB, 640x480 Anonymous Tue 14 May 2024 05:12:04 No.143631100 Report Quoted By: >>143631134 Could you explain your post, young man?

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God Makes Man | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 91 KB PNG 08/11/24(Sun)15:40:13 No.922727393 >PRIDE IS A DEADLY SIN >*claims to be the only true god, demands that people devote their lives to worshipping him* >GREED IS A DEADLY SIN >*demands that people pay tithes to the church* >WRATH IS A DEADLY SIN >*destroys people for disobeying him* >ENVY IS A DEADLY SIN >*punishes people for worshipping other gods* >LUST IS A DEADLY SIN >*demands to be included in every marriage and sexual act* >GLUTTONY IS A DEADLY SIN >*lets people starve while having more than enough for himself* >SLOTH IS A DEADLY SIN >*does nothing while tragedies and disasters happen despite being capable of preventing them*
Anonymous 91 KB PNG 08/11/24(Sun)15:40:13 No.922727393 >PRIDE IS A DEADLY SIN >*claims to be the only true god, demands that people devote their lives to worshipping him* >GREED IS A DEADLY SIN >*demands that people pay tithes to the church* >WRATH IS A DEADLY SIN >*destroys people for disobeying him* >ENVY IS A DEADLY SIN >*punishes people for worshipping other gods* >LUST IS A DEADLY SIN >*demands to be included in every marriage and sexual act* >GLUTTONY IS A DEADLY SIN >*lets people starve while having more than enough for himself* >SLOTH IS A DEADLY SIN >*does nothing while tragedies and disasters happen despite being capable of preventing them*

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Adorably delicious | /r/Greentext

Anon (ID: EfAkkmYl Chicken 08/08/24(Thu)05:03:54 No.477415086 chick-6652163_1280.jpg 232 KB JPG >be chicken >Unironically the cutest thing in the planet. >Gets brutally genocided and eaten every day How is this not as immoral as killing cats pol?
Anon (ID: EfAkkmYl Chicken 08/08/24(Thu)05:03:54 No.477415086 chick-6652163_1280.jpg 232 KB JPG >be chicken >Unironically the cutest thing in the planet. >Gets brutally genocided and eaten every day How is this not as immoral as killing cats pol?

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Anons gives advice | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 185 KB PNG her 12/03/22(Sat)21:10:23 No.71251052 >26 year old virgin >go on date with girl tonight (played laser tag) >goes well ask her to come back to mine and watch a movie >get to mine, movie plays for about 3 minutes and I immediately start making out with >feel like I'm about to c-- in my pants, frantically begin to start removing her clothes >take off my shirt, start kissing her breasts anywhere there is a glimpse of naked flesh >greatest moment of my entire life >she says she wants to blow me >she takes of my pants (olive green chinos from The Gap) >she takes of my boxers (amazon basics cotton briefs) >tension immediately stops >she sees the 50+ scars on my thighs from when I used to cut myself in highschool >goes quiet, not saying anything, I stop assaulting her with my tongue >"uhm I'm really sorry but I think I should leave" >she hurriedly dresses herself in uncomfortable silence and then leaves >I proceed to have probably the saddest wank of my entire life Well friends I'm still a virgin, almost lost my wizard powers there for a second. If any of you young anons are reading this and considering cutting, please don't. It does nothing for you, it just makes you feel worse, and if you cut deep enough the scars will be there forever. You will be a 60 year old man with lame scars from your edgy emo days. Most people don't want to date someone with mental baggage, especially not a dude. Well sorry for the blog, I'm going to go get drunk until I pass out.
: Anonymous 185 KB PNG her 12/03/22(Sat)21:10:23 No.71251052 >26 year old virgin >go on date with girl tonight (played laser tag) >goes well ask her to come back to mine and watch a movie >get to mine, movie plays for about 3 minutes and I immediately start making out with >feel like I'm about to c-- in my pants, frantically begin to start removing her clothes >take off my shirt, start kissing her breasts anywhere there is a glimpse of naked flesh >greatest moment of my entire life >she says she wants to blow me >she takes of my pants (olive green chinos from The Gap) >she takes of my boxers (amazon basics cotton briefs) >tension immediately stops >she sees the 50+ scars on my thighs from when I used to cut myself in highschool >goes quiet, not saying anything, I stop assaulting her with my tongue >"uhm I'm really sorry but I think I should leave" >she hurriedly dresses herself in uncomfortable silence and then leaves >I proceed to have probably the saddest wank of my entire life Well friends I'm still a virgin, almost lost my wizard powers there for a second. If any of you young anons are reading this and considering cutting, please don't. It does nothing for you, it just makes you feel worse, and if you cut deep enough the scars will be there forever. You will be a 60 year old man with lame scars from your edgy emo days. Most people don't want to date someone with mental baggage, especially not a dude. Well sorry for the blog, I'm going to go get drunk until I pass out.

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Anon is petty | /r/Greentext

F--- MARI #1, No. 31789023 Yesterday 12 ALL MY HOMIES LOVE MARI e3l0t216y3q91 JPG 828x750 117.0 kB >be me >38 year old woman >a friend of mine has a son who's 22 years old >I first met this friend 18 years ago >the son was four >the first time I met the boy, I was obese at the time (started losing weight in 2010 and have been skinny as a rail since 2012) >the first time I saw him, he pointed at me and went "You're fat! Gwoss! You're so gwoss! Ewww!" >deeply hurt >only see him a few times after that, never talk much >a few days ago he sent me an email apologizing for it (I guess his mom told him the story) >"I'm sorry for being an a------ kid and hurting your feelings back then. You probably didn't expect someone to insult you out of nowhere like that" >etc etc Should I forgive him? I'm still kind of sore, honestly... would "I appreciate the apology but I just can't forgive you" be too harsh of a response? 3 replies
F--- MARI #1, No. 31789023 Yesterday 12 ALL MY HOMIES LOVE MARI e3l0t216y3q91 JPG 828x750 117.0 kB >be me >38 year old woman >a friend of mine has a son who's 22 years old >I first met this friend 18 years ago >the son was four >the first time I met the boy, I was obese at the time (started losing weight in 2010 and have been skinny as a rail since 2012) >the first time I saw him, he pointed at me and went "You're fat! Gwoss! You're so gwoss! Ewww!" >deeply hurt >only see him a few times after that, never talk much >a few days ago he sent me an email apologizing for it (I guess his mom told him the story) >"I'm sorry for being an a------ kid and hurting your feelings back then. You probably didn't expect someone to insult you out of nowhere like that" >etc etc Should I forgive him? I'm still kind of sore, honestly... would "I appreciate the apology but I just can't forgive you" be too harsh of a response? 3 replies

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Anon the magical mirror | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 08/11/24(Sun)01:56:54 No.202357400 Sand Brown.jpg 325 KB JPG >Magic mirror on the wall. Who is the fairest of them all? >The 11/10 bombshell Gal Gadot? >Or the brown Snow White? With eyes so far apart they have their own zip codes FFS I know who the mirror is choosing, and it sure isnt Snow Wide eyes
Anonymous 08/11/24(Sun)01:56:54 No.202357400 Sand Brown.jpg 325 KB JPG >Magic mirror on the wall. Who is the fairest of them all? >The 11/10 bombshell Gal Gadot? >Or the brown Snow White? With eyes so far apart they have their own zip codes FFS I know who the mirror is choosing, and it sure isnt Snow Wide eyes

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Anon is not an incel | /r/Greentext

File: frogsmile.png (528 KB, 3168x3080) Anonymous 08/11/24(Sun)15:10:58 No.78458649 >chinlet >balding >noodle arms >gyno >nerd neck >sperg >low IQ >can barely hold conversation even with other autists >can't grow beard >pretty much blind without glasses >tiny p----- Thank God I am not an incel though since I am 6'7"
File: frogsmile.png (528 KB, 3168x3080) Anonymous 08/11/24(Sun)15:10:58 No.78458649 >chinlet >balding >noodle arms >gyno >nerd neck >sperg >low IQ >can barely hold conversation even with other autists >can't grow beard >pretty much blind without glasses >tiny p----- Thank God I am not an incel though since I am 6'7"

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Anon is a man. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 08/09/24 (Fri)12:07:28 No.78440694 >have bpd >have suicidal ideation >extremely needy and dependent >low self esteem >self harm >none of this is considered cute because i'm a disgusting man 773 KB PNG it's over
Anonymous 08/09/24 (Fri)12:07:28 No.78440694 >have bpd >have suicidal ideation >extremely needy and dependent >low self esteem >self harm >none of this is considered cute because i'm a disgusting man 773 KB PNG it's over

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Anon touches grass | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 19 KB JPG 10 Replies 3 Images 08/02/24(Fri)14:36:31 No.2760706 >go outside for once in the woods >Wowww it's beautiful!!! >Be in one spot for 5 minutes >Be bit by tons of mosquitos >Be rly itchy Wow nature f------ sucks Imao View Thread
Anonymous 19 KB JPG 10 Replies 3 Images 08/02/24(Fri)14:36:31 No.2760706 >go outside for once in the woods >Wowww it's beautiful!!! >Be in one spot for 5 minutes >Be bit by tons of mosquitos >Be rly itchy Wow nature f------ sucks Imao View Thread

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Patriotic Firestorm | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/19/24(Fri)18:15:08 No.201455927 CKY images.png 4 KB PNG >Write one of the best riffs in rock history >Suck s--- for the rest of their career What did they mean by this?
: Anonymous 07/19/24(Fri)18:15:08 No.201455927 CKY images.png 4 KB PNG >Write one of the best riffs in rock history >Suck s--- for the rest of their career What did they mean by this?

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Anon has schizophrenia | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/15/21(Mon)18:02:00 No.15768003 How do I cook this massive Wal Mart steak? 2.4 MB JPG Anonymous >>15768003 (OP) # 03/15/21(Mon)18:06:28 No.15768042 >massive - mass - Massachusetts >Wal Mart - Wal - Walled >Cook crook- crooked >steak - stake- wood- woods I know this is your way of telling me that I was wrong and I don't find it very funny. Maybe you won't find it funny anymore now that I let everyone see what you're doing. I'm not afraid of you anymore and I have nothing left to lose. >>15768066 # >>15768117 # >>15768172 # >>15768585 #
Anonymous 03/15/21(Mon)18:02:00 No.15768003 How do I cook this massive Wal Mart steak? 2.4 MB JPG Anonymous >>15768003 (OP) # 03/15/21(Mon)18:06:28 No.15768042 >massive - mass - Massachusetts >Wal Mart - Wal - Walled >Cook crook- crooked >steak - stake- wood- woods I know this is your way of telling me that I was wrong and I don't find it very funny. Maybe you won't find it funny anymore now that I let everyone see what you're doing. I'm not afraid of you anymore and I have nothing left to lose. >>15768066 # >>15768117 # >>15768172 # >>15768585 #

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Majestic impotence | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: e/3E4/In) 08/07/24(Wed)06:43:47 No.477273299 King Charles_III_(July_2023).jpg 180 KB JPG >does literally nothing as his realm burns daily reminder Kings used to lead their men into battle. The f--- happened Imao
Anonymous (ID: e/3E4/In) 08/07/24(Wed)06:43:47 No.477273299 King Charles_III_(July_2023).jpg 180 KB JPG >does literally nothing as his realm burns daily reminder Kings used to lead their men into battle. The f--- happened Imao

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Anon, a huge amount of water and a heavy dose of laxatives is usually enough to break these kinds of issues. You’re just going to be glued to the toilet for a few hours. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous DO NOT ONLY EAT PROTEIN BARS Normal Bladder. Impacted 72 KB JPG Im poor -Uterus Rectum >Start s------- less 08/09/24(Fri)22:18:29 No.74875553 Holy f--- I cant stress this enough don't eat just protein bars >Be me >Two months ago find new protein bar that is only 150 calories but 20g of protein >F--- it gonna just eat these cause >Notice my gut growing >Cut down on protein bars but s--- stopped coming out of my ass >Uh oh >Go to doctor >Fecal impaction >They give me laxatives and wait an hour >Nothing >They shove a tube up my ass and give me an enema >Feels kinda good ngl >A little bit comes out, but not enough >Get rushed to surgery >Take out 25lbs of s--- >Leave with 100k in medical debt Jesus Christ this was the worst idea ive ever had. Please dont eat only protein bars just eat some fiber
Anonymous DO NOT ONLY EAT PROTEIN BARS Normal Bladder. Impacted 72 KB JPG Im poor -Uterus Rectum >Start s------- less 08/09/24(Fri)22:18:29 No.74875553 Holy f--- I cant stress this enough don't eat just protein bars >Be me >Two months ago find new protein bar that is only 150 calories but 20g of protein >F--- it gonna just eat these cause >Notice my gut growing >Cut down on protein bars but s--- stopped coming out of my ass >Uh oh >Go to doctor >Fecal impaction >They give me laxatives and wait an hour >Nothing >They shove a tube up my ass and give me an enema >Feels kinda good ngl >A little bit comes out, but not enough >Get rushed to surgery >Take out 25lbs of s--- >Leave with 100k in medical debt Jesus Christ this was the worst idea ive ever had. Please dont eat only protein bars just eat some fiber

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Anon's lunch is ruined | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10 KB JPG 08/09/24(Fri)10:47:53 No.922609216 >tfw I cooked my favorite food yesterday so today I can have a nice lunch at work, and forgot to pack it into my backpack before leaving home. Man f--- my life
: Anonymous 10 KB JPG 08/09/24(Fri)10:47:53 No.922609216 >tfw I cooked my favorite food yesterday so today I can have a nice lunch at work, and forgot to pack it into my backpack before leaving home. Man f--- my life

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Anon on Sidis. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: mHwqYtwk ) Waste of high iq in political (...) 33 KB JPG > Be me 08/09/24 (Fri)09:09:31 No.477611178 > Born in 1898, IQ between 250-300 > Child prodigy, reading by age 2, Harvard by age 11 > Math genius, giving lectures on 4D space as a teen > Everyone expects me to revolutionize science or something > Get tired of all the pressure and attention > Finish Harvard, but just want a normal life > Say screw it, decide to live low-key > Take low-paying jobs like clerk and machine operator > Write books under pseudonyms, no one knows it's me > Everyone thinks I'm a failure because I didn't cure cancer or something > Die at 46, mostly forgotten > High IQ, but just wanted to be left alone >mfw smartest guy alive just wants to chill
Anonymous (ID: mHwqYtwk ) Waste of high iq in political (...) 33 KB JPG > Be me 08/09/24 (Fri)09:09:31 No.477611178 > Born in 1898, IQ between 250-300 > Child prodigy, reading by age 2, Harvard by age 11 > Math genius, giving lectures on 4D space as a teen > Everyone expects me to revolutionize science or something > Get tired of all the pressure and attention > Finish Harvard, but just want a normal life > Say screw it, decide to live low-key > Take low-paying jobs like clerk and machine operator > Write books under pseudonyms, no one knows it's me > Everyone thinks I'm a failure because I didn't cure cancer or something > Die at 46, mostly forgotten > High IQ, but just wanted to be left alone >mfw smartest guy alive just wants to chill

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Anon misses her dad (cameo from crystal cafe) | /r/Greentext

I miss my dad Anonymous 5 days 115679 [Reply] my dad died about 10 years ago. I'm 27 now and just A found one of his old books while moving. I miss him a lot f--- my mom. Anonymous 5 days 115680 >>115685 >>115679 what'd your mom do Anonymous 5 days 115685 >>115680 drove him to drink and then that killed him Anonymous 14 hours 115850 >>115679 That sucks I hope you can feel better
I miss my dad Anonymous 5 days 115679 [Reply] my dad died about 10 years ago. I'm 27 now and just A found one of his old books while moving. I miss him a lot f--- my mom. Anonymous 5 days 115680 >>115685 >>115679 what'd your mom do Anonymous 5 days 115685 >>115680 drove him to drink and then that killed him Anonymous 14 hours 115850 >>115679 That sucks I hope you can feel better

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Anon is a hero | /r/Greentext

45 KB JPG > be middle school loner with no friends > close to summer holidays > all students were told to read the book > having nothing better to do, read it > because school is inviting the obscure author of the book > he was the guest speaker during assembly > principal asks the school about what we thought of his book and questions about it > quiet, awkward silence > people were muttering nobody read it > felt bad for the author > told the author I enjoyed it and answered the questions > one question after another, only I answered > author was happy that I knew about the details > school staff felt less embarassed > after assembly classmates started to make fun of me > called kiss ass and book worm etc. > got the nickname ass-worm for the rest of the middle school mfw made an obscure author proud of his work in exchange of my dignity in middle school
45 KB JPG > be middle school loner with no friends > close to summer holidays > all students were told to read the book > having nothing better to do, read it > because school is inviting the obscure author of the book > he was the guest speaker during assembly > principal asks the school about what we thought of his book and questions about it > quiet, awkward silence > people were muttering nobody read it > felt bad for the author > told the author I enjoyed it and answered the questions > one question after another, only I answered > author was happy that I knew about the details > school staff felt less embarassed > after assembly classmates started to make fun of me > called kiss ass and book worm etc. > got the nickname ass-worm for the rest of the middle school mfw made an obscure author proud of his work in exchange of my dignity in middle school

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