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O Anonymous 12/05/15 Sat 23:25:38 No.28103985 > 28104247>>28104335>>28 105658>>28105734>>28106936 >>28 110951 >live next to river >geese swarm our yard every year >neighbor is korean likes to practice martial arts in his back yard >go outside one morning and look off our back declk >korean is in dramatic martial arts pose with a staf >4 geese are hissing menacingly asian fighting noises >Korean guy charges >geese charge today the spirits of his warrior anscestors have posessed him, a flurry of blows follow one goose dead, one with its wing hanging like its broken and the rest run away while broken winged one flops around honking >korean guy makes asian fighting noises while he twirls his staff over his head >the east will show no mercy today >he smashes its head >he is breathing heavily and grinning like an idiot >I start clapping >he turns as red as it is possible for an asian to blush >hurriedly grabs two dead geese and sprints into his house funniest s--- I've ever seen ress possible sian to blush he turns as for an the east will show o mercytoday
O Anonymous 12/05/15 Sat 23:25:38 No.28103985 > 28104247>>28104335>>28 105658>>28105734>>28106936 >>28 110951 >live next to river >geese swarm our yard every year >neighbor is korean likes to practice martial arts in his back yard >go outside one morning and look off our back declk >korean is in dramatic martial arts pose with a staf >4 geese are hissing menacingly asian fighting noises >Korean guy charges >geese charge today the spirits of his warrior anscestors have posessed him, a flurry of blows follow one goose dead, one with its wing hanging like its broken and the rest run away while broken winged one flops around honking >korean guy makes asian fighting noises while he twirls his staff over his head >the east will show no mercy today >he smashes its head >he is breathing heavily and grinning like an idiot >I start clapping >he turns as red as it is possible for an asian to blush >hurriedly grabs two dead geese and sprints into his house funniest s--- I've ever seen ress possible sian to blush he turns as for an the east will show o mercytoday

Greentext Stories
4chan asian fighting noises geese blush zergface the east will show no mercy today

>

21:23 No.147872126 [2 1341708121363.png (376 KB, 900x702) gd google press any button to continue press the power button pc tuns off
21:23 No.147872126 [2 1341708121363.png (376 KB, 900x702) gd google press any button to continue press the power button pc tuns off

Greentext Stories
press any button to continue power button

Do you know the Muffin Man?

□ Anonymous 12/10/12(Mon)13:57 No. 1 66228882 Replies: >>166229428 >> 166229839 >> 166229847 >> 16622995 16 >166261332 166262076 File: 1355165871419 ipg-(213 KB, 681x475, 1318436094413 jpg) ittle cousin comes over >already sure I'm gonna play the role of a babysitter for the reminder of the day he eventually wants to play some PS2 >fire up sum tekken 5 nd gets mad lose to him on purpose >he starts to mock me and laugh like a little s------- he is offer we play one more round >totally mop the floor with him >he starts screaming and throwing around, rolling on the floor and tearing off his clothes >first thing that comes to me on a whim is to lock him in an empty wall wardrobe have >throw him in there and quickly close the doors can hear the little s--- throwing around, almost breaking through stake off my pants >decided that the only thing I can do by now is to take a s--- through the wardrobe slides >push with great force >at first only wet diarrhea flies out of my anus >I can hear it splattering all over my cousin >by now he's pretty much full insane in there,almost manages to break out my wardrobe doors >suddenly a great urge to s--- >push with all my might >a huge, brown, smelly log makes it's way out of my ass >it contacts the slides that cut it to pieces and make it rain all over my cousin >hear him screaming and rolling around like the devil he is >he shouts "mom help poop!" >the screams and shouts get louder and louder have to make him quiet somehow >start singing "do you know the muffin man" >by now my room is filled with banging, cries, farts and my singing finally after about one more minute I let the devil out >he runs down the stairs at sanic speed, all naked covered in tears, sweat, blood and my poop >he runs outside the house >everyone wanders what happened tell them that I let him go to the bathroom and few seconds later this happened they believe me and take the little s--- home Haven't seen him since. I wander what he's like now, all grown up.
□ Anonymous 12/10/12(Mon)13:57 No. 1 66228882 Replies: >>166229428 >> 166229839 >> 166229847 >> 16622995 16 >166261332 166262076 File: 1355165871419 ipg-(213 KB, 681x475, 1318436094413 jpg) ittle cousin comes over >already sure I'm gonna play the role of a babysitter for the reminder of the day he eventually wants to play some PS2 >fire up sum tekken 5 nd gets mad lose to him on purpose >he starts to mock me and laugh like a little s------- he is offer we play one more round >totally mop the floor with him >he starts screaming and throwing around, rolling on the floor and tearing off his clothes >first thing that comes to me on a whim is to lock him in an empty wall wardrobe have >throw him in there and quickly close the doors can hear the little s--- throwing around, almost breaking through stake off my pants >decided that the only thing I can do by now is to take a s--- through the wardrobe slides >push with great force >at first only wet diarrhea flies out of my anus >I can hear it splattering all over my cousin >by now he's pretty much full insane in there,almost manages to break out my wardrobe doors >suddenly a great urge to s--- >push with all my might >a huge, brown, smelly log makes it's way out of my ass >it contacts the slides that cut it to pieces and make it rain all over my cousin >hear him screaming and rolling around like the devil he is >he shouts "mom help poop!" >the screams and shouts get louder and louder have to make him quiet somehow >start singing "do you know the muffin man" >by now my room is filled with banging, cries, farts and my singing finally after about one more minute I let the devil out >he runs down the stairs at sanic speed, all naked covered in tears, sweat, blood and my poop >he runs outside the house >everyone wanders what happened tell them that I let him go to the bathroom and few seconds later this happened they believe me and take the little s--- home Haven't seen him since. I wander what he's like now, all grown up.

Greentext Stories
muffin man

Your move, Mr. Law-man!

Anonymous 12/11/11 (Sun) 18:07 No. 10286882 >They kick down my door >I have dragon dildos hanging from the ceiling >Just in case this day comes >They fight their way through the dongs >There are casualties >They bust down my bedroom door >I'm wearing a G-string >Backwards >Covering myself in olive oil >Extra oil on my balls >Playing with my n------ Moan as loudly as possible "YOUR MOVE, MR >Those cops will never be the same. LAW-MAN!"
Anonymous 12/11/11 (Sun) 18:07 No. 10286882 >They kick down my door >I have dragon dildos hanging from the ceiling >Just in case this day comes >They fight their way through the dongs >There are casualties >They bust down my bedroom door >I'm wearing a G-string >Backwards >Covering myself in olive oil >Extra oil on my balls >Playing with my n------ Moan as loudly as possible "YOUR MOVE, MR >Those cops will never be the same. LAW-MAN!"

Greentext Stories
police dragon dildo

Creeper

File: 1359177109260.png-(268 KB, 900x563, creeper.png) Anonymous (ID: dzKXZFRf) 01/26/13 (Sat)00:11:49 No.453772258 Replies: 22 l saw a creeper kill itself in minecraft today. playing minecraft nighttime don't give a s---, iron armor bitches walking to my house anyways, inventory full see a lava pool at the surface, not that big of a deal one stone block in the center >a creeper's on top of it, unable to escape the f----- looked distressed, it was turning around like crazy trying to reach me it looked at me never have I seen such malice in two tiny black pixels before it looked me straight in the m------------ eye it started hissing and expanding >boom the explosion only damaged the block it was standing on, nothing else, not even me >the lava covered up where it stood a moment later I've seen some s---
File: 1359177109260.png-(268 KB, 900x563, creeper.png) Anonymous (ID: dzKXZFRf) 01/26/13 (Sat)00:11:49 No.453772258 Replies: 22 l saw a creeper kill itself in minecraft today. playing minecraft nighttime don't give a s---, iron armor bitches walking to my house anyways, inventory full see a lava pool at the surface, not that big of a deal one stone block in the center >a creeper's on top of it, unable to escape the f----- looked distressed, it was turning around like crazy trying to reach me it looked at me never have I seen such malice in two tiny black pixels before it looked me straight in the m------------ eye it started hissing and expanding >boom the explosion only damaged the block it was standing on, nothing else, not even me >the lava covered up where it stood a moment later I've seen some s---

Greentext Stories
minecraft creeper

O_O

「Anonymous (ID: 4Szwmxqa) 05/18/12(Fri)23:02:01 No.400534482 File: 1337396521865 ipg-(47 KB, 211x204, 1321922756618.jpg) 00 >see man searching for woman chat him up, he wants a date pretend to be a woman and agree to meet at a motel She's in there before i come, he sent a text with the roomnumber >i walk in with a knife he's naked on bed already he starts screaming when he sees the knife >he sounds like chewbacca >instinctively i begin making chewbacca noises too >naked man on bed, me with knife standing next to it, both screaming like chewbacca >walk out >regret i didnt stab him
「Anonymous (ID: 4Szwmxqa) 05/18/12(Fri)23:02:01 No.400534482 File: 1337396521865 ipg-(47 KB, 211x204, 1321922756618.jpg) 00 >see man searching for woman chat him up, he wants a date pretend to be a woman and agree to meet at a motel She's in there before i come, he sent a text with the roomnumber >i walk in with a knife he's naked on bed already he starts screaming when he sees the knife >he sounds like chewbacca >instinctively i begin making chewbacca noises too >naked man on bed, me with knife standing next to it, both screaming like chewbacca >walk out >regret i didnt stab him

Greentext Stories
serial killer wookie chewbacca

Fallout

□ Anonymous 02/05/13(Tue)02:39 No. 14630694 Replies: 22146307312214630753 another story >at McCarran >on KP duty because lol sexist comment random guy walks in with ranger armor >has a sequoia >takes off helmet >"Where's the recruiting desk, I'd like to s >buys all our beer and salisbury steak >pays in legion coins that was a weird day □ Anonymous 02/05/13(Tue)02:48 No.14630804 Replies: 2214630952 14630753 get ordered to help some guy who radioed in for help >sprint there as fast as I can with my squad it's that f------ guy again >surrounded by like 15 deathclaws >we take pot shots at them >he decapitates every single one with a fire axe Anonymous 02/05/13(Tue)02:44 No.14630753 Replies: 14630804 2214631342 14630694 What the f---? Possibly related story >Be protecting that highway back to California > Guy in Ranger armor arrives. > Talks to Drunk red Head bitch > Takes her with him on some quest > Buys all our spare ammo > Tells us the Legion is prepping an assault from the east, and that a free hold settlement was completely razed > Repaired a few of our items and sold it back to us for double the price Who the f--- is this a------? Anonymous 02/05/13(Tue)02:53 No.14630855 Replies: 14631179 >be stationed at HELIOS One >some jackass in a business suit is hopping down the road like a retard she gets ambushed buy legion assassins slook at all the f---- we give, it's not like our service rifles can do anything to their bullet proof mardi gras masks anyways >he manages to kill a couple, but then appears to have run out of ammo and starts running towards us swe collectively s--- our pants >not knowing what else to do, the (lol female) Lt. tells everyone including the f------ dog to charge face first into the assassin with the supersledge meanwhile get trapped in a f------ hill and can't do anything but take potshots at a guy throwing spears at the dirt in front of me >meanwhile everyone else dies >he finally gets his s--- together and takes one of their Brush guns and kills them all >Not knowing what else to do, I stand half buried in the hill for a few days until reinforcements dig me out True Story □ Anonymous 02/05/13(Tue)02:54 No. 14630872 Replies: 2214630882 >>14630906 >>14630952 14629019 (OP) >Be guy that does money checks for the Gun Runners seller bot The other day, I see over 160K of caps used in a single transaction What the f--- >Recheck money >It's right >He bought literally every new gun we made in a single transaction, along with all the ammo and parts Who the f--- is this guy? P> □ Anonymous 02/06/13(Tue)03:11 No.1463 1065 File: 1360051917309.ipg-(43 KB, 500x420, Delivery for the troops.jpg) >Waiting to assault the legion controlled camp Nelson > Lieutenant comes running up with some guy I have never seen before >Everyone is getting ready >Suddenly the stranger starts taking more drugs than I have even seen in my life, all while keeping a completely blank stare on his face >Stranger takes point and charges directly into camp with what appeared to be a varmint hunting rifle >He is getting shot multiple times all over his body >He keeps taking drugs and blasting legionairs >After all the dust settles we walk up to him, not a wound on him, not even blood >He collects his pay, loots the entire camp and leaves I have seen God, and he is a drug addict in a vault suit.
□ Anonymous 02/05/13(Tue)02:39 No. 14630694 Replies: 22146307312214630753 another story >at McCarran >on KP duty because lol sexist comment random guy walks in with ranger armor >has a sequoia >takes off helmet >"Where's the recruiting desk, I'd like to s >buys all our beer and salisbury steak >pays in legion coins that was a weird day □ Anonymous 02/05/13(Tue)02:48 No.14630804 Replies: 2214630952 14630753 get ordered to help some guy who radioed in for help >sprint there as fast as I can with my squad it's that f------ guy again >surrounded by like 15 deathclaws >we take pot shots at them >he decapitates every single one with a fire axe Anonymous 02/05/13(Tue)02:44 No.14630753 Replies: 14630804 2214631342 14630694 What the f---? Possibly related story >Be protecting that highway back to California > Guy in Ranger armor arrives. > Talks to Drunk red Head bitch > Takes her with him on some quest > Buys all our spare ammo > Tells us the Legion is prepping an assault from the east, and that a free hold settlement was completely razed > Repaired a few of our items and sold it back to us for double the price Who the f--- is this a------? Anonymous 02/05/13(Tue)02:53 No.14630855 Replies: 14631179 >be stationed at HELIOS One >some jackass in a business suit is hopping down the road like a retard she gets ambushed buy legion assassins slook at all the f---- we give, it's not like our service rifles can do anything to their bullet proof mardi gras masks anyways >he manages to kill a couple, but then appears to have run out of ammo and starts running towards us swe collectively s--- our pants >not knowing what else to do, the (lol female) Lt. tells everyone including the f------ dog to charge face first into the assassin with the supersledge meanwhile get trapped in a f------ hill and can't do anything but take potshots at a guy throwing spears at the dirt in front of me >meanwhile everyone else dies >he finally gets his s--- together and takes one of their Brush guns and kills them all >Not knowing what else to do, I stand half buried in the hill for a few days until reinforcements dig me out True Story □ Anonymous 02/05/13(Tue)02:54 No. 14630872 Replies: 2214630882 >>14630906 >>14630952 14629019 (OP) >Be guy that does money checks for the Gun Runners seller bot The other day, I see over 160K of caps used in a single transaction What the f--- >Recheck money >It's right >He bought literally every new gun we made in a single transaction, along with all the ammo and parts Who the f--- is this guy? P> □ Anonymous 02/06/13(Tue)03:11 No.1463 1065 File: 1360051917309.ipg-(43 KB, 500x420, Delivery for the troops.jpg) >Waiting to assault the legion controlled camp Nelson > Lieutenant comes running up with some guy I have never seen before >Everyone is getting ready >Suddenly the stranger starts taking more drugs than I have even seen in my life, all while keeping a completely blank stare on his face >Stranger takes point and charges directly into camp with what appeared to be a varmint hunting rifle >He is getting shot multiple times all over his body >He keeps taking drugs and blasting legionairs >After all the dust settles we walk up to him, not a wound on him, not even blood >He collects his pay, loots the entire camp and leaves I have seen God, and he is a drug addict in a vault suit.

Greentext Stories
fallout

Tales from the Court

File My job requires that Im in domestic violence court on a weekly basis. Because of this,Ihave an unlimited supply of party stories. Pok >Woman requesting restraining order from husband > When asked for details, she gave two examples > First, every time she sees him after a period apart, he demands to smell her breath, to see ifit smells ㄱike d---" > Second, he requires her to log and count her tampons because he's suspicious she's using them to "soak up other men's semen Husband sitting on the other side of the court roomm His face File: 138303 KB, 145x167, faggat png interest > Guy has limited interactions with his adult daughter, despite still liing with her She sends him almost a dozen original emails a day, claiming to be a prophet of the new lord wear your skin" kind of s--- o Shows up to court with, and this is not an exaggeration, 12,000 of these emails (all original and at least a thousand words) He hasnt served her He somehow hasn't seen her in week or so > Wakes up s--- Commits her the next day > Showed up in court with the story anyways and got a year restraining order, just in case File 13830 3 87062 mg(39 KB. 126x151, comeback. png) 6/10 feeble looking woman requesting a She and the guy had originally been dating up Tums out her took naloed pictures of her while she was sleeping, duning the relationship Sox months later, she has a new boyfriend > Wakes up in the morning. goes to her car to go to work > Her car has had every inch of it covered with naked photos of her F------ superglued and thick paper so she cant really do s--- about it > Manages to scrape off enough of the windshield to see > Drives coochmobile to the nearest mechanic, stares from everyone, recognizing the driver from her spread legs and t--- plastered to the side windows > Your honor, you dont understand. I wasnt doing it to harass her, but to tease her new boyfriend! > Guy's face when five year restraining order png Middle Eastem woman comes into court > Hasnt served ex-husband yet, so he's not there >Six months before she fled, she got divorced, and her husband moved back to sandland A few weeks before she fled, after not seeing him for almost halř a year, she has an alleged incident She's sitting at home, in front of her closed ront window, reading a magazine, drinking tea or some sht > Sees a car begin to come down her street Windows are dark, and she cant see into it > As it passes, she suddenly goes into electric shock Iimmediately realized that she had been "drive-by tazed police and fles a re > "Your windows was closed, and the car driving by had it's windows up as well? t was a very strong tazer! I still feel the effect > Even f it was a stun gun, that couldn't have happened through two sheets of glass, as he was driving across the street Lady goes bat s--- > Claims the judge has no idea what her ex is capable of > Claims he must have invented new weapons technology to produce such a taser Lady also later claimed that he has been trying to kill her, as evidenced by her seeing a loose wire hanging from a telephone pole on her drive home from work was him t > My favorite part of this one was just thinling about if she had been right > What if her husband really was a f------ miitary genius and was electrocuting people at his whims Lady eventually was forced to leave the courtroom and denied the protective order she requested wonder if she did died Boyfriend moved out about three months prior They've had minimal contact sense > She declares that she needs protection because he has been "e---------- on everything Iown According to her, this m------------ had been sneaking into her home on the daily, and spraying jzz on her household items > Sticky phone, sticky purse, sticky pots, sticky pans, sticky dog, sticky chairs, you name it > She said this had been happening for close to a month > Said she immediately knew what it was and who did > Guy is looking making the biggest "what the tuck" face in court > Responds with the basic。"why would I do that, who would do that Me moved on, blablabla > Woman interrupts and produces evidence for the court >Private testing she > All of it was his > Judge asks the guy if he has anything to say for the record > Ive never had much use for this gif, but the change in his f------ face when too much glee up in here. lets take a turn for the sadder with my first "that dude is going to die" experience Claims that his wife's two brothers are harassing him and physically intimidating him Wile complains to her brothers whenever her and her husabnd have a problem, and the brothers retaliate Follow the husband in their car wherever he goes, not saying anything. slowly rolling behind him On the few occasions he's confronted them, they've tried to physically subdue him and take him, but he's escaped (even >Never a police report filed, because they flee when they hear la policia Third brother from Mexoico as well is in jail for murder tatted guys > Husband is tiny and looks like comically like a 20th century meican rancher Brothers smirking in their denim and fannel > Less than a month before the husband goes missing 1, 1310515296328 g) and now a retun to me trying not to die laughing while in court Husband and wife are separated, but have no restraining order Have custody order that is constantly a subject of debate for them One day, dad shows up from school to pick kids up, ike he's supposed to >Dad gets daughter, but mom grabs her son and takes him, saying it's her time School does nothing. both parents drive away Boy in moms car begins to yel that he wants to talk to dad Mom calls dad, to get him to shutup Gives the kid the phone > Don t worry dad, I have an F------ 10 year old boy proceeds to, in the seat neod to his mom, drop his pants and start s------- Takes the fattest sht of his Ide all over the front seat crack and all over his pants/legs Mom freaks out "GOD DAMN IT,"immediately drives him to the dad, and gives the dad the son because she can't deal with Mom and Dad proceed to spend at least an hour of the court's time arguing over if the dad instructed the kid to s--- his way out of his shituation R0g-(48 KB, 152x154 ainight, last one, because I need to sleep. I legit do have court in the morning. this one was fun. ady for For the year ater their relationship ended, she texted him every single day Stuf like "good moming sexy" or hope your day is going well stud But also stuf like hope that btch you're f------ now knows what we did in that bed > Declaration even gets graphic , s--- like. ㄱ was ha ng a bad day urtil l started thinking of you and found an old bottle of astrogide thanks for the two orgasms > Not one of her talling to Guy shows up to court, he's like 55, 5"4, broad, skin destroyed by too much sun, wearing cowboy boots and sporting a sick white mullet/goatee combo up s--- > She denies none of t, but isn't realy paying attention to the hearing Legs originally under the table, both the respondent and the defendant face the judge > As the case goes on, her legs swivell around slowly, to face him She tries to do the sharon stone vagina fash leg uncross, but her legs were never really crossed, so really, she just spreads her vagina further to o et the Wants Bailff has to escort her out of the courtroom She's screaming about the sex they're going to have God that was besutful
File My job requires that Im in domestic violence court on a weekly basis. Because of this,Ihave an unlimited supply of party stories. Pok >Woman requesting restraining order from husband > When asked for details, she gave two examples > First, every time she sees him after a period apart, he demands to smell her breath, to see ifit smells ㄱike d---" > Second, he requires her to log and count her tampons because he's suspicious she's using them to "soak up other men's semen Husband sitting on the other side of the court roomm His face File: 138303 KB, 145x167, faggat png interest > Guy has limited interactions with his adult daughter, despite still liing with her She sends him almost a dozen original emails a day, claiming to be a prophet of the new lord wear your skin" kind of s--- o Shows up to court with, and this is not an exaggeration, 12,000 of these emails (all original and at least a thousand words) He hasnt served her He somehow hasn't seen her in week or so > Wakes up s--- Commits her the next day > Showed up in court with the story anyways and got a year restraining order, just in case File 13830 3 87062 mg(39 KB. 126x151, comeback. png) 6/10 feeble looking woman requesting a She and the guy had originally been dating up Tums out her took naloed pictures of her while she was sleeping, duning the relationship Sox months later, she has a new boyfriend > Wakes up in the morning. goes to her car to go to work > Her car has had every inch of it covered with naked photos of her F------ superglued and thick paper so she cant really do s--- about it > Manages to scrape off enough of the windshield to see > Drives coochmobile to the nearest mechanic, stares from everyone, recognizing the driver from her spread legs and t--- plastered to the side windows > Your honor, you dont understand. I wasnt doing it to harass her, but to tease her new boyfriend! > Guy's face when five year restraining order png Middle Eastem woman comes into court > Hasnt served ex-husband yet, so he's not there >Six months before she fled, she got divorced, and her husband moved back to sandland A few weeks before she fled, after not seeing him for almost halř a year, she has an alleged incident She's sitting at home, in front of her closed ront window, reading a magazine, drinking tea or some sht > Sees a car begin to come down her street Windows are dark, and she cant see into it > As it passes, she suddenly goes into electric shock Iimmediately realized that she had been "drive-by tazed police and fles a re > "Your windows was closed, and the car driving by had it's windows up as well? t was a very strong tazer! I still feel the effect > Even f it was a stun gun, that couldn't have happened through two sheets of glass, as he was driving across the street Lady goes bat s--- > Claims the judge has no idea what her ex is capable of > Claims he must have invented new weapons technology to produce such a taser Lady also later claimed that he has been trying to kill her, as evidenced by her seeing a loose wire hanging from a telephone pole on her drive home from work was him t > My favorite part of this one was just thinling about if she had been right > What if her husband really was a f------ miitary genius and was electrocuting people at his whims Lady eventually was forced to leave the courtroom and denied the protective order she requested wonder if she did died Boyfriend moved out about three months prior They've had minimal contact sense > She declares that she needs protection because he has been "e---------- on everything Iown According to her, this m------------ had been sneaking into her home on the daily, and spraying jzz on her household items > Sticky phone, sticky purse, sticky pots, sticky pans, sticky dog, sticky chairs, you name it > She said this had been happening for close to a month > Said she immediately knew what it was and who did > Guy is looking making the biggest "what the tuck" face in court > Responds with the basic。"why would I do that, who would do that Me moved on, blablabla > Woman interrupts and produces evidence for the court >Private testing she > All of it was his > Judge asks the guy if he has anything to say for the record > Ive never had much use for this gif, but the change in his f------ face when too much glee up in here. lets take a turn for the sadder with my first "that dude is going to die" experience Claims that his wife's two brothers are harassing him and physically intimidating him Wile complains to her brothers whenever her and her husabnd have a problem, and the brothers retaliate Follow the husband in their car wherever he goes, not saying anything. slowly rolling behind him On the few occasions he's confronted them, they've tried to physically subdue him and take him, but he's escaped (even >Never a police report filed, because they flee when they hear la policia Third brother from Mexoico as well is in jail for murder tatted guys > Husband is tiny and looks like comically like a 20th century meican rancher Brothers smirking in their denim and fannel > Less than a month before the husband goes missing 1, 1310515296328 g) and now a retun to me trying not to die laughing while in court Husband and wife are separated, but have no restraining order Have custody order that is constantly a subject of debate for them One day, dad shows up from school to pick kids up, ike he's supposed to >Dad gets daughter, but mom grabs her son and takes him, saying it's her time School does nothing. both parents drive away Boy in moms car begins to yel that he wants to talk to dad Mom calls dad, to get him to shutup Gives the kid the phone > Don t worry dad, I have an F------ 10 year old boy proceeds to, in the seat neod to his mom, drop his pants and start s------- Takes the fattest sht of his Ide all over the front seat crack and all over his pants/legs Mom freaks out "GOD DAMN IT,"immediately drives him to the dad, and gives the dad the son because she can't deal with Mom and Dad proceed to spend at least an hour of the court's time arguing over if the dad instructed the kid to s--- his way out of his shituation R0g-(48 KB, 152x154 ainight, last one, because I need to sleep. I legit do have court in the morning. this one was fun. ady for For the year ater their relationship ended, she texted him every single day Stuf like "good moming sexy" or hope your day is going well stud But also stuf like hope that btch you're f------ now knows what we did in that bed > Declaration even gets graphic , s--- like. ㄱ was ha ng a bad day urtil l started thinking of you and found an old bottle of astrogide thanks for the two orgasms > Not one of her talling to Guy shows up to court, he's like 55, 5"4, broad, skin destroyed by too much sun, wearing cowboy boots and sporting a sick white mullet/goatee combo up s--- > She denies none of t, but isn't realy paying attention to the hearing Legs originally under the table, both the respondent and the defendant face the judge > As the case goes on, her legs swivell around slowly, to face him She tries to do the sharon stone vagina fash leg uncross, but her legs were never really crossed, so really, she just spreads her vagina further to o et the Wants Bailff has to escort her out of the courtroom She's screaming about the sex they're going to have God that was besutful

Greentext Stories
court judge legal

COD IRL

7186 ing-190 KB, 720x480, potatosquad jpg) Special forces File □ Anonymous 10/20/13(Sun)13 59 47 UTC410 511799273 Reples usurassausumm ususoooss Boy, do I have a story for you /b Be me Just let a war-zone out in the middle east Crazy S--- n my squad fighting off the Americans lmTalibanBomba jpeg ,we're dong good, shot up fike 4 Amencan troops in a few minutes of fighting We get a call hearing the US is sending in special forces to out villages >Me and my fellow towel-brothers are not that worried [Ln We had tanqg on the 50 and my boy Muhammad with a Dragunov, and his brother Muhammad with his trusty rpk All seems good and calm, just fnished polishing off the U S squad We see a chopper land off in the distance pLooks like a full squad of snipers sOff in the distance we here T f----- your mom last night f------ pohmyallah png >Around twenty 11-13 year old kids come running straight at us Their voices shatter all the windows in our buildings -Frantically started spraying as one of them jumps off a building maling a 360 and hitting tan'q in the head with his intervention 408 The demon child then screeches f------ noobs, tv1 me p---- >We all start running me and the Muhammad brothers >I see out of the corner of my eye all the kids tea bagging tanas stil warm corpse >Bullets fying by us tucking lag quit cheating you stupid n------ >Muhammad is crying while his brother is in sheckle shock from these f------ jews >As we are about to make it to the truck I notice one of the mini troopers pulling out his 50cal Bamett >He picks off both the Muhammad brothers PBats and dogs start scattering everywhere in the confusion from the high pitched voices The squeaker squad is screaming in excitement from the ictory escape in all the confusion im about 20 miles away when I see an explosion in the distance >Apparently our intel said something about one of them having 25 kolls? And ordered a WMD on their own position? The U.S. military is f------ crazy man
7186 ing-190 KB, 720x480, potatosquad jpg) Special forces File □ Anonymous 10/20/13(Sun)13 59 47 UTC410 511799273 Reples usurassausumm ususoooss Boy, do I have a story for you /b Be me Just let a war-zone out in the middle east Crazy S--- n my squad fighting off the Americans lmTalibanBomba jpeg ,we're dong good, shot up fike 4 Amencan troops in a few minutes of fighting We get a call hearing the US is sending in special forces to out villages >Me and my fellow towel-brothers are not that worried [Ln We had tanqg on the 50 and my boy Muhammad with a Dragunov, and his brother Muhammad with his trusty rpk All seems good and calm, just fnished polishing off the U S squad We see a chopper land off in the distance pLooks like a full squad of snipers sOff in the distance we here T f----- your mom last night f------ pohmyallah png >Around twenty 11-13 year old kids come running straight at us Their voices shatter all the windows in our buildings -Frantically started spraying as one of them jumps off a building maling a 360 and hitting tan'q in the head with his intervention 408 The demon child then screeches f------ noobs, tv1 me p---- >We all start running me and the Muhammad brothers >I see out of the corner of my eye all the kids tea bagging tanas stil warm corpse >Bullets fying by us tucking lag quit cheating you stupid n------ >Muhammad is crying while his brother is in sheckle shock from these f------ jews >As we are about to make it to the truck I notice one of the mini troopers pulling out his 50cal Bamett >He picks off both the Muhammad brothers PBats and dogs start scattering everywhere in the confusion from the high pitched voices The squeaker squad is screaming in excitement from the ictory escape in all the confusion im about 20 miles away when I see an explosion in the distance >Apparently our intel said something about one of them having 25 kolls? And ordered a WMD on their own position? The U.S. military is f------ crazy man

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call of duty real life

Back That Maths Up

Anonymous 10/13/11(Thu)20:26 No.113380372 [ !] >In linear algebra class the vector intersects the points O and P so it's the OP line call it the f----- line outloud without really thinking >a few people laugh teacherdude just stares at me like "Why?" >laughter dies down >some neckbear at the back keeps laughing >Try to continue on with lesson but he wont stop >We hear some gagging, then the sound of an inhaler, then the laughter resumes We all turn around to look at him >He's still cracking up, his face is all blue and red >I'm thinking "What have I done?" >He falls out of his chair, wiggling around on the floor, still laughing maniacally >He can't control himself, he starts to fart >A few girls around him pass out >The farting continues, it shows no signs of stopping >You can hear the farts change tone and the smell gets deeper >We all know he is now s------- himself >The s--- forces its way out of his crappy, holey jeans >He is still a bright blue/red and laughing >The s--- rocket that is his ass begins to make him spin >He now looks like a Catherine Wheel firework powered by s--- instead of fire >Spaghetti rockets from his pocket >knocks out a few dudes around the classroom >At this point we all retreat outside the room and continue viewing from a safe distance >He's still wiggling and spinning and generally just wreaking havoc >We hear some sputtering and he slows down >He's now lying limp in the middle of the room, we all open the doors and take a few steps in, we think he's dead >We hear some gurgles and see him tilt his head round to look at me >l lean in to hear his last words without having to get closer to him >He looks up to teacherdude, with treats in his eyes and says his dying words >He thrusts his hips in the air and says "b-b-back that maths up" >teacherdude goes over and closes his eyes informs us that we have leant all we can about Linear Algebra leave the room, a single treat in my eye
Anonymous 10/13/11(Thu)20:26 No.113380372 [ !] >In linear algebra class the vector intersects the points O and P so it's the OP line call it the f----- line outloud without really thinking >a few people laugh teacherdude just stares at me like "Why?" >laughter dies down >some neckbear at the back keeps laughing >Try to continue on with lesson but he wont stop >We hear some gagging, then the sound of an inhaler, then the laughter resumes We all turn around to look at him >He's still cracking up, his face is all blue and red >I'm thinking "What have I done?" >He falls out of his chair, wiggling around on the floor, still laughing maniacally >He can't control himself, he starts to fart >A few girls around him pass out >The farting continues, it shows no signs of stopping >You can hear the farts change tone and the smell gets deeper >We all know he is now s------- himself >The s--- forces its way out of his crappy, holey jeans >He is still a bright blue/red and laughing >The s--- rocket that is his ass begins to make him spin >He now looks like a Catherine Wheel firework powered by s--- instead of fire >Spaghetti rockets from his pocket >knocks out a few dudes around the classroom >At this point we all retreat outside the room and continue viewing from a safe distance >He's still wiggling and spinning and generally just wreaking havoc >We hear some sputtering and he slows down >He's now lying limp in the middle of the room, we all open the doors and take a few steps in, we think he's dead >We hear some gurgles and see him tilt his head round to look at me >l lean in to hear his last words without having to get closer to him >He looks up to teacherdude, with treats in his eyes and says his dying words >He thrusts his hips in the air and says "b-b-back that maths up" >teacherdude goes over and closes his eyes informs us that we have leant all we can about Linear Algebra leave the room, a single treat in my eye

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back dat maths up

A $#!@ Story

ド111 File: 1364987758284 gif-(1.79 MB, 450x254, nkcf5iV.gif) >> Anonymous (ID: XOrhvDvz) 04/03/13(Wed)07:15:58 No 469896924 Repies 22489997091 22489897210 2249902609 22469904879 Anonymous (ID: XOrhDvZ) 04/03/13(Wed)07 5521 No 469901 156 Replies: ,N69901418>>469902618>>489904879 so b I will tell you my story sput s--- from bucket and freeze it bucket full car cream contrainer and I have not idea where to go >dad goes to fridge -l jsut go back to my apartment and hide the s--- and pretend someone else did it Panon was that s--- >driving along street >see flashing lights in di Anonymous (ID: XOrhOZ) 04/03/13(Wed)07 22:03 No.469897549 Repies: 469897605-2469902618-248990487- e apartment complex AND A F------ BUCKET ON THE CURB no >one cop is literally sitting on the sitde of the road massaging his face with his hands is he crying? I cannot tell ebcause I AM STILLL DRIVING drive straight past because I AM NOT STOPPING OK >brings bowl to table, sits down and looks at s--- Anonymous (ID XOrhDZ) 04/03/13 Wed07.58.00 №469901418 Reple >>46990155422469902618>>4699 4879 the same feces that just screwed over my lif >my tears and hopes and dreams > puts spoon in mouth anon was that s--- on 贂Anonymous (ID. XOrhDuZ) 04/03/13(Wed)07.33. 16 No.469898752 Reples: 씌69898961 씌69902618 69904379 close my eyes and pumping it hard hard >pulling down when that cord bit at the head has snapped □ Anonymous (ID > anon whose s--- is this XOrhOZ) 04/03/13(Wed)07:59:15 No 469901554 Repies: >>469901731 N69902618 > 9904879 s a bit, freezes up pushes chair out of table eaves apartment, doesn't even close the door >still gotta keep jerking it though OF COURSE > blood dripping down penis shaft me no s at me to s ok t spoken since ONTO THE TEARS AND S--- 贂Anonymous (ID. XOrhDuZ) 04/03/13(Wed)07.35.03 No.469898961 Repies:竺46SS992魁竺46220261822459904372 close my eyes as the m----------- becomes spiritual his is the worst moment of my life >hdo you even relise how much s--- a person can make IN a day?? ry Anonymous (ID: XOrhDvZ) 04/03/13(Wed)08:00:59 No 469901731 Repics: 쯔46990188sm69902618224639 04829 sso many buckets eventually start taking them to work with me to clear out apartment >put them i three days of 2 buckets per day, all is well >sit there for a good five ringing, c--- still rock hard tip is buried in a miture of bloody s--- diluted with tears > head is stinging from the rip but do I give a f--- after a few minutes, I feel my spine relax and I open my eyes standing at the front of my car >-smells moving around office Anonymous (ID: XOrhvDvz) 04/03/130Wed)07:38.02 No.469899264 Reples: 469399487 4699026149904879 sone is staring into the f------ windshield like I'm a f------ mass murderer i still have roughly 3 buckets of s--- in the boot of my car -f------ hell, could my DAY get any WORSE -to the turd shap and not havemelty Anonymous (ID: XOrh0Z) 04/03/13(Wed>08:25:34 No 469904260 Repies: >>469904441 >>469904487ー6990453022469904379 LOOKS IN BUCKETS AND SEES S--- >but I have not labelled buckets so they do not know it is me >"what the f---, guys, get in here. What the f--- someone call. f---.. the cops? don't f------ know" ok here goes at desk sweating like crazy act like I have no f------ clue whats happenign pants fall down to >half erect bleeding penis gesturing blearily at manager trainee subway dude starts screaming at me to get back in the f------ car please sir raise hands outwards, I don't want any trouble alright Im just having a bad day SIR PLEASE GET BACK IN THE CAR 贂Anonymous (ID: XOrhOZ) 04/03/13(Wed)07 40.07 №469899487 Reples:竺459699632竺46900261822469904829 >waiting outside in the carpark for cops to come because apparently it's a criminal offence >seriously freaking out, pretending to be on the phone and trying to think of an excuse to leave guy next to me starts s on >hey what the f--- it still smells out here" s"no way man we're out of the office my ass slams back onto the hood of the car, smears s--- dowm the front s Im sliding down I the hood omament is between my legs rakes along the inside of my thigh and almost punctures my ass s to my car □ Anonymous (ID: XOrhDZ) 04/03/13(VVed)07 43:02 No 469899832 Repies: 69900 1242:469902618 >>489904879 Anonymous (ID: XO h○四04/03/13 wed)08:28 17 No 469904530 Replies:ー4699 4717-469904851ー489904879-489904991 AN ENTIRE SOLID CHUNK OF TURD IS IMPALED UPON IT >POINTING DIRECTLY UPWARDS SIGNALLING TO THE HEAVENS sopens car boot door >manager on the phone is choking between crying, screaming and laughing at what's happening >he doesnt use any words f------ s people catch onto his expression start staning at me to >im lying on the ground now, head up against the hood >"Jook, alright, rm jsut a normal guy having abad day" > w-- was it anon? what the f--- anoan, was it you as Anonymous (ID: XOrhvDvZ) 04/03/13(Wed)08:31:13 No 469904851 Repies: 2246990514622469905210 > mild erection forming at the hood ornament l turn to look at it, and there it is 거 start to cry and weep as I lay there humming >people eyeballing the f--- out of me WHAT THE F--- ANON WHAT THE ACTUAL F--- the turd is my accomplishment >the obelisk of my life's achievements am openly crying on the floor now, prostrate before its majesty start softly singing the national anthem hear sirens in the distance 厄Anonymous (ID. XOrhOZ) 04/03/13 wed07 4524 No 469900 124 Replies: N699006742:46990 102->>489902818 22489903957 469904879 · ipping down pants Anonymous (ID: XOrhDZI 04/03/13(Wed)08:34:22 № 469905 146 Reples:竺469905229 >tears running down face slam door to drivers seat start tearing out of the carpark and almost hitting cars > I don't even care anymore >forgot about the boot door three buckets of melted human s--- begin to scream the anthem at the top of my lungs as the sirens draw closer >people are crowded around the glass of subway with phones, taping my spectacle >tears run down my face, s--- runs down my legs, blood runs down my shaft, and beautiful melodies fly forth from my throat buckets tip over and bounce onto the pavement, splattering the people gathered outside and the curb with my s--- >people start screaming one girl is crying on the ground and trying to pick it out of her hair 04/03/2013 A S--- STORY watching in my rear view mirror as I drive away crying scene

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story

Heretics and heathens repent

□ Anonymous 03/12/14(Wed)21:08 UTC+11 No.20366673 O Replies. 쯔 I dont know if this is the right place but here goes >Be my birthday >go to a bar to have a quiet drink and celebrate >New to the city so i pick random bar >Walk in -kinda seedy but meh >sit at the bar and order sweet potato stout and a shot of wild turkey wmv Bartender is a nice guy >Slow night so we strike up a convo >30 min. pass, bartender looks up "Jesus Christ not tonight." Turn around to see hubub l am in shock >Bar begins to fill with Vampires >Not real, but the pretend but believe their own lie' kind The f---?" I ask They been showing up every week man. I hate it but the buy alot of drinks." not really bothered so i keed drinking Hour passes >Place is f------ loud >Feel a tap on my shoulder >Turn around Nignog dressed in victorian style close and fake fangs with a dagger at his hip meanmugg'n me >Got three friends with him What are you doing here meat" >lt was my birthday so i diddnt want to start s--- "Just having a drink." >Turn back around Nig grabs my shoulder and spins me around This place isint for your kind. You need to leave or i wont be responsible for what happens next >Nig places hand on dagger >Bartender glances over seeing im in troubl wave barman off Ok im out. Sorry to ruin your party Walking to the door Thats right run little bitch" l stop >Jimmies [ JUnrustled [X] Rustled Walk to barman >Ask when this vampire s--- happens each week Barman says every Thursday >Got it >Now time to plan >Cont. . Anonymous 03/12/14(Wed)21:38 UTC+ 11 No. 20366755 Reples: 2220366762 2220366755 2220366772 220366m 2220366819 2220366843 ne Begin to devise plan >Call up friend and ask if i can borrow a few things >Explain situation >Friend is down and lends me his stuff >Week passes >Mybodyisready arrive later in the evening >Parking lot is full >Few vamps outside smoking >Thetimeisnow.jpg >Begin slowwalk >Enter the bar >All jaws hit the floor time for some context My buddy who lent me the stuff is into Ren fairs. He dresses up and walks around with a sword and all that. I borrowed some of his costume stuff and a poly carbon training bastard >All eyes on me >Dressed head to toe as a Templar >Chainmail, plated gauntlets, plated greves and boots, bucket helmet, and the big red cross on my white robe. Sword at my side and a large iron cross my grandmother used as a wall ormament chained to my hip >Barman is rolling >Slowwalk to bar >Order stout and wild turkey >Sit there for an hour enjoying my drink and talking to the barman >Wispers in the crowd >l finish my drinking and go to pay "Nah man, it all good. I got ya." >Thank him for the free drinks and walk out >Heading to car when a voice rings out THE F--- IS YOUR PROBLEM?" >Nignog and company "What did i tell you last time? >No f--- given F--- off, c---" says I >Nigs gonna nog >Pulls dagger and advances >l draw the polycarbon niggabecool stick >They get in range FADUCK they hit the floor spit on them to add insult Godless heathen" >Get in car and leave >Week later, no more vamp night Barman ha New favorite bar In summation F--- vamps
□ Anonymous 03/12/14(Wed)21:08 UTC+11 No.20366673 O Replies. 쯔 I dont know if this is the right place but here goes >Be my birthday >go to a bar to have a quiet drink and celebrate >New to the city so i pick random bar >Walk in -kinda seedy but meh >sit at the bar and order sweet potato stout and a shot of wild turkey wmv Bartender is a nice guy >Slow night so we strike up a convo >30 min. pass, bartender looks up "Jesus Christ not tonight." Turn around to see hubub l am in shock >Bar begins to fill with Vampires >Not real, but the pretend but believe their own lie' kind The f---?" I ask They been showing up every week man. I hate it but the buy alot of drinks." not really bothered so i keed drinking Hour passes >Place is f------ loud >Feel a tap on my shoulder >Turn around Nignog dressed in victorian style close and fake fangs with a dagger at his hip meanmugg'n me >Got three friends with him What are you doing here meat" >lt was my birthday so i diddnt want to start s--- "Just having a drink." >Turn back around Nig grabs my shoulder and spins me around This place isint for your kind. You need to leave or i wont be responsible for what happens next >Nig places hand on dagger >Bartender glances over seeing im in troubl wave barman off Ok im out. Sorry to ruin your party Walking to the door Thats right run little bitch" l stop >Jimmies [ JUnrustled [X] Rustled Walk to barman >Ask when this vampire s--- happens each week Barman says every Thursday >Got it >Now time to plan >Cont. . Anonymous 03/12/14(Wed)21:38 UTC+ 11 No. 20366755 Reples: 2220366762 2220366755 2220366772 220366m 2220366819 2220366843 ne Begin to devise plan >Call up friend and ask if i can borrow a few things >Explain situation >Friend is down and lends me his stuff >Week passes >Mybodyisready arrive later in the evening >Parking lot is full >Few vamps outside smoking >Thetimeisnow.jpg >Begin slowwalk >Enter the bar >All jaws hit the floor time for some context My buddy who lent me the stuff is into Ren fairs. He dresses up and walks around with a sword and all that. I borrowed some of his costume stuff and a poly carbon training bastard >All eyes on me >Dressed head to toe as a Templar >Chainmail, plated gauntlets, plated greves and boots, bucket helmet, and the big red cross on my white robe. Sword at my side and a large iron cross my grandmother used as a wall ormament chained to my hip >Barman is rolling >Slowwalk to bar >Order stout and wild turkey >Sit there for an hour enjoying my drink and talking to the barman >Wispers in the crowd >l finish my drinking and go to pay "Nah man, it all good. I got ya." >Thank him for the free drinks and walk out >Heading to car when a voice rings out THE F--- IS YOUR PROBLEM?" >Nignog and company "What did i tell you last time? >No f--- given F--- off, c---" says I >Nigs gonna nog >Pulls dagger and advances >l draw the polycarbon niggabecool stick >They get in range FADUCK they hit the floor spit on them to add insult Godless heathen" >Get in car and leave >Week later, no more vamp night Barman ha New favorite bar In summation F--- vamps

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vampires nigs gonna nog templar bar birthday

"Zaporozhian Cossacks write to the Sultan of Turkey" by Ilya Repin (1844–1930)

Anonymous 09/14/13(Sat)04:29 No.209779346 209779586 □ Anonymous 09/14/13(Sat)04:28 No 209779142/ ▼2-209779334 >>209779346 2-209779415 >>209779417 >>209779447 >>209779674 Anonymous 09/14/13(Sat)04:24 No.20977874 Anonymous 09/14/13(Sat)04:23 No.209778675 [ ▼ ] >2209778749 >209775382 Funny ass painting, more so when I learned about the back story Oh, please do tell The Zapozharian Cossacks, a Christian people who occupied what we would call modern Ukraine, were sent a very bombastic and fancy letter by the Sultan, reading off his many titles and demanding their submission. They sent him back a letter that included such delicacies as "what sort of knight are thou, who cannot slay a hedgehog with thy naked ass? and "thou art the goatfucker of alexandria, the deviľ's own secretary, f--- thy mother Really quite a peace of work. The Sultan got buttmad and came to conquer them, and they beat the s--- out of his army because Cossacks Oh god this sounds funny as hell. I would love to read that whole letter Zaporozhian Cossacks to the Turkish Sultan! >O sultan, Turkish devil and damned devils kith and kin, secretary to Lucifer himself. What the devil kind of knight are you, that can't slay a hedgehog with your naked arse? The devil excretes, and your army eats. You will not, you son of a bitch, make subjects of Christian sons; we've no fear of your army, by land and by sea we will battle with thee, f--- your mother You Babylonian scullion, Macedonian wheelwright, brewer of Jerusalem, goat-f----- of Alexandria, swineherd of Greater and Lesser Egypt, Armenian pig, Podolian thief, catamite of Tartary, hangman of Kamyanets, and fool of all the world and underworld, an idiot before God, grandson of the Serpent, and the crick in our d---. Pig's snout, mare's arse, slaughterhouse cur, unchristened brow, screw your own mother! So the Zaporozhians declare, you lowlife. You won't even be herding Christian pigs. Now we'll conclude, for we don't know the date and don't own a calendar, the moon's in the sky the year with the Lord, the day's the same over here as it is over there; for this kiss our arse! Basically it's the father of "gorilla warfare
Anonymous 09/14/13(Sat)04:29 No.209779346 209779586 □ Anonymous 09/14/13(Sat)04:28 No 209779142/ ▼2-209779334 >>209779346 2-209779415 >>209779417 >>209779447 >>209779674 Anonymous 09/14/13(Sat)04:24 No.20977874 Anonymous 09/14/13(Sat)04:23 No.209778675 [ ▼ ] >2209778749 >209775382 Funny ass painting, more so when I learned about the back story Oh, please do tell The Zapozharian Cossacks, a Christian people who occupied what we would call modern Ukraine, were sent a very bombastic and fancy letter by the Sultan, reading off his many titles and demanding their submission. They sent him back a letter that included such delicacies as "what sort of knight are thou, who cannot slay a hedgehog with thy naked ass? and "thou art the goatfucker of alexandria, the deviľ's own secretary, f--- thy mother Really quite a peace of work. The Sultan got buttmad and came to conquer them, and they beat the s--- out of his army because Cossacks Oh god this sounds funny as hell. I would love to read that whole letter Zaporozhian Cossacks to the Turkish Sultan! >O sultan, Turkish devil and damned devils kith and kin, secretary to Lucifer himself. What the devil kind of knight are you, that can't slay a hedgehog with your naked arse? The devil excretes, and your army eats. You will not, you son of a bitch, make subjects of Christian sons; we've no fear of your army, by land and by sea we will battle with thee, f--- your mother You Babylonian scullion, Macedonian wheelwright, brewer of Jerusalem, goat-f----- of Alexandria, swineherd of Greater and Lesser Egypt, Armenian pig, Podolian thief, catamite of Tartary, hangman of Kamyanets, and fool of all the world and underworld, an idiot before God, grandson of the Serpent, and the crick in our d---. Pig's snout, mare's arse, slaughterhouse cur, unchristened brow, screw your own mother! So the Zaporozhians declare, you lowlife. You won't even be herding Christian pigs. Now we'll conclude, for we don't know the date and don't own a calendar, the moon's in the sky the year with the Lord, the day's the same over here as it is over there; for this kiss our arse! Basically it's the father of "gorilla warfare

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green text story backstory painting cossacks turkish sultan sultan letter zaporozhian cossacks ilya repin

/k/

Anonymous 10/28/15(Wed)20:15 42 No 27727876 v >>27729796 # . worst ik/ related incident you've dropped spagetti Anonymous 10/28/15(Med) 19:06 32 No.27727230 ︶ >>27727294 # >>27727318 # >>27727378 # >>27727394 # >>27727399 # >>27727492 >>27727500 # >>27727522 # >>27727546 >>27727547 # >>27727556 # >>27727560存>>27727586 # >>27727613 # >>27727624 # >>27727636 # >>27727675# >>27727685 # >>27727688 # >>27727707 # >>27727724 # >>27727741 # >>27728015 # >>277280 16 # >>27728314 # >>27728332 숍 >>27728481 # >>277291 19 # >>27729267拌>>27729436 # >>27729840 # >>27729669 >+27729709 # >>27729734 # >>27729858 # >>27730096井>>27730170 # >>27730184 # >>27730388存>>27730887 # >>2773 1250 # >>27731671存>>27731687 # >>2773 1894 # >>27732085 # >>27733473 # >>27733870 # >>27733904 # >>27734246 # >>27734594 # >>27734931 # >>27735109 # > >>27735385 # >>27735442 # >>27735452非>>27735879 # >>27735956 # >>27736573 >> 27740701 # >>27740716 # (32 KB, 800x820) gocgic ic 013 MORE ■ "27736573 * >>277345 4 # >>27731 5 # >>27729 89* Anonymous 1029/15Thu00:57: 17 No.27730887 .. uns more or less just faff for the college to charge for prerequisites so went during summer semester to get it out of the way faster get into heated discussion about gun rights As a heavily armed pilot f-----,I approve of this anon, well done, I hope you ate al the cream on those cupcakes you slut3 girl is uns ● Anonymous 10/28/15(Ned20:27 20 №27728015 ︾ >>27733295 # point out LA riots >she's sticks to Just let them loor >'Self defense is over blown, you only need to give them what they want People just want to carry guns to shoot black kids. For you anon's, i give to you my prized possession, Vladmir Putin as all the members t out trump with just chink card W-well, as a gay guy what if they don't want my money but my life? 7:27 Anonymous 1028/15(Wed)184609 No.27727586- this is you right.now.jg (29 KB, 500x316) google iad ppoint out prominent gay bashing cases and say that it's the right of everyone to protect themselves from assault lie about taking in the ass to make a point Phave to go through the entire semester pretending to be gay >have to research a bunch of gay s--- because teacher and class keep referring to me whenever LGBT s--- get's bought up »teacher even bought cupcakes hen SCOTUS declared gay marriage legal in all states pate them ike a tucking w---- H-------- ill stop bashing dayklare for one whole day just becos of this Anonymous 10/29/15(Thu)15 23:16 No.27735364 10/30/15(Fril)12:49:21 No.27744795 my god im Homosexuality contirmed for BEST DEFENSE OF 2ND AMENDMENT mcomrade ipg (27 KB, 508x588) google iadb Anonyrmous 10/28/15(Wed) 19:09:09 No.27727256, 1442813178613.png (454 KB, 414x499) g00gis igdb 10/28/15(Wed)19:46:20 No.277275881444581499778gif (974 KB, 255x138) gcge T-- had it right all along. Who knew? 1438193084451ing (244 KB, 904x573) google iadb >"W-well, as a gay guy what if they don't want m Anonymous 10/30/15(Fn)14:37:38 No.27745612 my life? Anonymous 10/28/15/(Wed 22 02:56 No.27729119 Yah dun gud, "klom rade! Anonymous 10/29/15(Thu)15:24:51 No.27735385 MIAN W-well, as a gay guy what i they don't want but my Anonymous 10/28/15(Wed)19:49:05 No.27727613 15(Thu)19:45:59 (2 KB, 125x121) goseadb Anonymous 10/28/15(Wed)19:11:31 No.27727283 Anonymous 10/28/15(Wed)22:16:24 No 27729267 Jesus christ, tak about deep cover g (242 MB, 1918x1920) google 15(Thu)1317:24 No > W-well, as a gay guy what if they don't want my money but my life? pretend to be gay so 027721230192# H--------, best thing I've read today but good on you. Anonymous 10/28/15(Wed)19:12:20 No.27727294 ﹀ Anonymous 10/29/15(Thu)15:30:12 No.27735452 le about being gay to defend the Anonymous 10/29/15(Thu)0S:13:51 No.27731894 I'm okay with this. Good job, anon rve only had to pretend o be gay to date a Muslim girl without her family trying to kill me I work hard to keep my power level under wraps and have yet to spill my spaghetti in public. 10/28/15(Wed)1 No May the Auism be with you, always. That'l do, anon. Tharll 59 No 2 1.79 MB, 240x128) gccle your white bear Anonymous 10/29/15(Thu)15:00:38 No.27735109 lover just to pull through that bulshit 377x51 >W-wel, as a gay guy what if they don't want my money but my life? F--- their feels, Guns and gays go together great Oh god I'm dying. I salute you anon; you are >well as a gay guy what if they don't want my money, but my life. Al gave some, some gave all 10/28/15/(Wed)19:53:15 No 27727647 (2.37 Anonymous 10 28/15(Wed)19:20:58 No.27727378 낳 妝, I am homogay, yaknow what OP? Good f------ jobl I'd buy you a W-well, as a gay guy what if they don't want my money but my life? you sr are the embodiment of Anonymous 10/2915(Thu)23:41.32 No.27740309 10/28/15(Wed)19.22.40 No.27727394 17 KB, 1186x 1000) ggogle iadb 1010 ● Anonymous 10 2915(Thu)23:47:25 No.27740354 ︾ >>27740373 # 10/28/15(Wed) 19:40 43 No 27727546 낳 >W-wel, as a gay guy what if they dont want (39 KB, 369x358) google i- (63 KB, 1280x720) google igdb have to research a bunch of gay s--- because teacher and class keep referring to whenever LGBT s--- get's bought I'm gay and I don't know s--- about igbtiqwtfbbq poltics or current events. Only time it really ever comes up in public is pretty much for the same reason you pretended to be gay, to throw a trump card. It's such an easy win when it comes to gun arguments. Good on ya you (pretend) prancing chinaman That takes balls you Doing god's work, anon. We are proud of you w.well, as a gay guy what if they don't want my money but my ife? 10/10 . Anonymous 10/29/15(Thu)23:50.34 No.27740373 聋>>27740523 @ (28 KB, 550x336) google iad A necessary sacrifice for the good of k and the second amendment a straight person knows how to be gay better than a gay person 9:40 58 No 2 I did the same thing ance, where I claimed to be Jewish and miked muh six milion. The real kicker? Im German Its not like the point isn't there for either case, and you shut up a liberal whos only detense was NEEDS and feelings. There is no "dirty fightng Anonymous 1028/15(Wed)19:34:53 No.27727492 ︾ >+277277080 ig Ross Salte aif (938 KB, 350%200) goscle ind Thank you for your service ● Anonymous 1030/1$(Fri)00:09 27 No 27740523 Anonymous 10/28/15(Wed)19:42:53 No.27727556 Anonymous 10/2915(Thu)11:30.55 No.27733473 Anonymous 10/28/15(Wed)19:57:12 No.27727688 낳 W-well, as a gay guy what if they don't want 29 (47 but my Thank you for your service to all gun owners While I agree this is worth forty keks, does anyone else find it a little sad that if he was a heterosexual asian male, his class wouldn't beleve he had a right to live? What kind of medal do they give out for that Anonymous 102 8/15(Wed) 19:59 26 No.27727707 Anonymous 1029/15(Thu)12:27:24 No 27733862、 Great I just laughed in a stereotypical black man voice. Wel if I don't get a complaint from HR, youre a hero ancrn It's a university. Only societal victims recognized by progressive Marxists get to have rights As a bisexual, I am cool with ths
Anonymous 10/28/15(Wed)20:15 42 No 27727876 v >>27729796 # . worst ik/ related incident you've dropped spagetti Anonymous 10/28/15(Med) 19:06 32 No.27727230 ︶ >>27727294 # >>27727318 # >>27727378 # >>27727394 # >>27727399 # >>27727492 >>27727500 # >>27727522 # >>27727546 >>27727547 # >>27727556 # >>27727560存>>27727586 # >>27727613 # >>27727624 # >>27727636 # >>27727675# >>27727685 # >>27727688 # >>27727707 # >>27727724 # >>27727741 # >>27728015 # >>277280 16 # >>27728314 # >>27728332 숍 >>27728481 # >>277291 19 # >>27729267拌>>27729436 # >>27729840 # >>27729669 >+27729709 # >>27729734 # >>27729858 # >>27730096井>>27730170 # >>27730184 # >>27730388存>>27730887 # >>2773 1250 # >>27731671存>>27731687 # >>2773 1894 # >>27732085 # >>27733473 # >>27733870 # >>27733904 # >>27734246 # >>27734594 # >>27734931 # >>27735109 # > >>27735385 # >>27735442 # >>27735452非>>27735879 # >>27735956 # >>27736573 >> 27740701 # >>27740716 # (32 KB, 800x820) gocgic ic 013 MORE ■ "27736573 * >>277345 4 # >>27731 5 # >>27729 89* Anonymous 1029/15Thu00:57: 17 No.27730887 .. uns more or less just faff for the college to charge for prerequisites so went during summer semester to get it out of the way faster get into heated discussion about gun rights As a heavily armed pilot f-----,I approve of this anon, well done, I hope you ate al the cream on those cupcakes you slut3 girl is uns ● Anonymous 10/28/15(Ned20:27 20 №27728015 ︾ >>27733295 # point out LA riots >she's sticks to Just let them loor >'Self defense is over blown, you only need to give them what they want People just want to carry guns to shoot black kids. For you anon's, i give to you my prized possession, Vladmir Putin as all the members t out trump with just chink card W-well, as a gay guy what if they don't want my money but my life? 7:27 Anonymous 1028/15(Wed)184609 No.27727586- this is you right.now.jg (29 KB, 500x316) google iad ppoint out prominent gay bashing cases and say that it's the right of everyone to protect themselves from assault lie about taking in the ass to make a point Phave to go through the entire semester pretending to be gay >have to research a bunch of gay s--- because teacher and class keep referring to me whenever LGBT s--- get's bought up »teacher even bought cupcakes hen SCOTUS declared gay marriage legal in all states pate them ike a tucking w---- H-------- ill stop bashing dayklare for one whole day just becos of this Anonymous 10/29/15(Thu)15 23:16 No.27735364 10/30/15(Fril)12:49:21 No.27744795 my god im Homosexuality contirmed for BEST DEFENSE OF 2ND AMENDMENT mcomrade ipg (27 KB, 508x588) google iadb Anonyrmous 10/28/15(Wed) 19:09:09 No.27727256, 1442813178613.png (454 KB, 414x499) g00gis igdb 10/28/15(Wed)19:46:20 No.277275881444581499778gif (974 KB, 255x138) gcge T-- had it right all along. Who knew? 1438193084451ing (244 KB, 904x573) google iadb >"W-well, as a gay guy what if they don't want m Anonymous 10/30/15(Fn)14:37:38 No.27745612 my life? Anonymous 10/28/15/(Wed 22 02:56 No.27729119 Yah dun gud, "klom rade! Anonymous 10/29/15(Thu)15:24:51 No.27735385 MIAN W-well, as a gay guy what i they don't want but my Anonymous 10/28/15(Wed)19:49:05 No.27727613 15(Thu)19:45:59 (2 KB, 125x121) goseadb Anonymous 10/28/15(Wed)19:11:31 No.27727283 Anonymous 10/28/15(Wed)22:16:24 No 27729267 Jesus christ, tak about deep cover g (242 MB, 1918x1920) google 15(Thu)1317:24 No > W-well, as a gay guy what if they don't want my money but my life? pretend to be gay so 027721230192# H--------, best thing I've read today but good on you. Anonymous 10/28/15(Wed)19:12:20 No.27727294 ﹀ Anonymous 10/29/15(Thu)15:30:12 No.27735452 le about being gay to defend the Anonymous 10/29/15(Thu)0S:13:51 No.27731894 I'm okay with this. Good job, anon rve only had to pretend o be gay to date a Muslim girl without her family trying to kill me I work hard to keep my power level under wraps and have yet to spill my spaghetti in public. 10/28/15(Wed)1 No May the Auism be with you, always. That'l do, anon. Tharll 59 No 2 1.79 MB, 240x128) gccle your white bear Anonymous 10/29/15(Thu)15:00:38 No.27735109 lover just to pull through that bulshit 377x51 >W-wel, as a gay guy what if they don't want my money but my life? F--- their feels, Guns and gays go together great Oh god I'm dying. I salute you anon; you are >well as a gay guy what if they don't want my money, but my life. Al gave some, some gave all 10/28/15/(Wed)19:53:15 No 27727647 (2.37 Anonymous 10 28/15(Wed)19:20:58 No.27727378 낳 妝, I am homogay, yaknow what OP? Good f------ jobl I'd buy you a W-well, as a gay guy what if they don't want my money but my life? you sr are the embodiment of Anonymous 10/2915(Thu)23:41.32 No.27740309 10/28/15(Wed)19.22.40 No.27727394 17 KB, 1186x 1000) ggogle iadb 1010 ● Anonymous 10 2915(Thu)23:47:25 No.27740354 ︾ >>27740373 # 10/28/15(Wed) 19:40 43 No 27727546 낳 >W-wel, as a gay guy what if they dont want (39 KB, 369x358) google i- (63 KB, 1280x720) google igdb have to research a bunch of gay s--- because teacher and class keep referring to whenever LGBT s--- get's bought I'm gay and I don't know s--- about igbtiqwtfbbq poltics or current events. Only time it really ever comes up in public is pretty much for the same reason you pretended to be gay, to throw a trump card. It's such an easy win when it comes to gun arguments. Good on ya you (pretend) prancing chinaman That takes balls you Doing god's work, anon. We are proud of you w.well, as a gay guy what if they don't want my money but my ife? 10/10 . Anonymous 10/29/15(Thu)23:50.34 No.27740373 聋>>27740523 @ (28 KB, 550x336) google iad A necessary sacrifice for the good of k and the second amendment a straight person knows how to be gay better than a gay person 9:40 58 No 2 I did the same thing ance, where I claimed to be Jewish and miked muh six milion. The real kicker? Im German Its not like the point isn't there for either case, and you shut up a liberal whos only detense was NEEDS and feelings. There is no "dirty fightng Anonymous 1028/15(Wed)19:34:53 No.27727492 ︾ >+277277080 ig Ross Salte aif (938 KB, 350%200) goscle ind Thank you for your service ● Anonymous 1030/1$(Fri)00:09 27 No 27740523 Anonymous 10/28/15(Wed)19:42:53 No.27727556 Anonymous 10/2915(Thu)11:30.55 No.27733473 Anonymous 10/28/15(Wed)19:57:12 No.27727688 낳 W-well, as a gay guy what if they don't want 29 (47 but my Thank you for your service to all gun owners While I agree this is worth forty keks, does anyone else find it a little sad that if he was a heterosexual asian male, his class wouldn't beleve he had a right to live? What kind of medal do they give out for that Anonymous 102 8/15(Wed) 19:59 26 No.27727707 Anonymous 1029/15(Thu)12:27:24 No 27733862、 Great I just laughed in a stereotypical black man voice. Wel if I don't get a complaint from HR, youre a hero ancrn It's a university. Only societal victims recognized by progressive Marxists get to have rights As a bisexual, I am cool with ths

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spilling spaghetti spilled gun rights debate what if they want my life w-well as a gay guy what if they don't want my money but my life? asian and gay trump black and female

>you will never meet your snake waifu

Your little Lamia has a bad dream in the middle of the night. >She creeps into your room, teary-eyed, doing her best not to cry and act like a big girl. But when you offer to let her sleep with her parents, she's obviously overjoyed. >She ducks under the covers at the foot of the bed, and she slithers up to a position between you and your waifu (the spot guaranteed for maximum warmth), curling-up with a smile on her face >She loosely slithers her tail once in a loop around your waist/stomach and once around your waifu's, making a figure-8 pattern >She drifts off to sleep with that same smile still on her face, knowing she's safe and loved. Your waifu, coincidentally, falls asleep with the exact same expression on her face >The next day your daughteru apologizes for coming to you and her mother in the middle of the night, and says she just felt so scared and sad after that dream she had. Hoping that she had forgotten all about it, you ask her what she could have dreamed about that would have upset her so much "it was a strange dream... It wasn't even scary like most bad dreams, but... it was sad. It was weird, because I wasn't even in it. Neither was Mommy. Instead, it was just Daddy. He lived alone, and had never me, or ever met Mommy.I don't think he had ever met a Lamia before, either. I don't think they were real where he was. All I saw were humans. And all of them were sad. Lonely. Anxious. But Daddy especially. It was like he was waiting for someone to come into his life, but they never did. He was so lonely. All his life was was working, driving, paying bills, stuff like that, while wishing for something better. And when I woke up from it, it was so sad I almost wanted to cry... >She wraps her arms around your stomach, giving you a tight hug as her tail coils around your right leg. She begins to smile again. "But I'm glad now... that it was just a dream, and that nobody has to live like that
Your little Lamia has a bad dream in the middle of the night. >She creeps into your room, teary-eyed, doing her best not to cry and act like a big girl. But when you offer to let her sleep with her parents, she's obviously overjoyed. >She ducks under the covers at the foot of the bed, and she slithers up to a position between you and your waifu (the spot guaranteed for maximum warmth), curling-up with a smile on her face >She loosely slithers her tail once in a loop around your waist/stomach and once around your waifu's, making a figure-8 pattern >She drifts off to sleep with that same smile still on her face, knowing she's safe and loved. Your waifu, coincidentally, falls asleep with the exact same expression on her face >The next day your daughteru apologizes for coming to you and her mother in the middle of the night, and says she just felt so scared and sad after that dream she had. Hoping that she had forgotten all about it, you ask her what she could have dreamed about that would have upset her so much "it was a strange dream... It wasn't even scary like most bad dreams, but... it was sad. It was weird, because I wasn't even in it. Neither was Mommy. Instead, it was just Daddy. He lived alone, and had never me, or ever met Mommy.I don't think he had ever met a Lamia before, either. I don't think they were real where he was. All I saw were humans. And all of them were sad. Lonely. Anxious. But Daddy especially. It was like he was waiting for someone to come into his life, but they never did. He was so lonely. All his life was was working, driving, paying bills, stuff like that, while wishing for something better. And when I woke up from it, it was so sad I almost wanted to cry... >She wraps her arms around your stomach, giving you a tight hug as her tail coils around your right leg. She begins to smile again. "But I'm glad now... that it was just a dream, and that nobody has to live like that

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>reality is the true nightmare it hurts someone hold me i don't want to feel this feel lamia greentext 8chan ∞chan /a/ /monster/ waifu daughteru nightmare

>FAG ENABLER

Anonymous 10/17/15(Sat)08:47:01 No.64684 1235 ー646841570>>646841854 >>64684203422646842398 >>64684240722647 (375 KB, 1248x1664) Could have a pic, but, ew. be preen, can't remember when go on holiday with parents to the coast and end up staying at some s----- hotel for the night family is so poor, can't even afford 2 rooms but only 1 night so oh well. out for the day, have fun playing in the arcades Anonymous 10/17/15(Sat)08:57:14 No.646842475 File: 646843302264684331422646847001 HappyDays.jpg (56 KB, 401x372) yeah yeah, f--- all interesting is going on until night get back to the hotel pretty late at night. think my dad was pretty drunk with what happened watch tv a bit, mom and dad have a few more drinks >They always drink ether rum or vodka, still do >bed time, I climb into my own bed, lights go off those two are touching each other and whispering I'm not really interested, didn't even really know about sex except for a gay b------ one time >Im not really interested, didn't even really know about sex except for a gay b------ one time. Anonymous 10/17/15(Sat)08:57:26 No.6468424962646843306468433142646947001 File: (83 KB, 217x204) >>I'm not really interested, didn't even really know about sex except for a gay b------ one time. Anonymous 1 0/17/15(Sat)08:49:58 No.64684 1 570 22646842398 22646843302 >2646843314 >2646847001 >I'm not really interested, didn't even really know about sex except for a gay b------ one time. 6362798783 N----- wat 646841235 I'm not really interested, didn't even really know about sex except for a Anonymous 10 Anonymous 10/17/15(Sat)08:52:18 No.646841854646842398 22646843302646843314 22646847001 File: 141385 (58 KB, 399x382) I'm not really interested, didn't even really know about sex except for a gay b------ one time. 555-COME-ON-NOW nonymous 10/17/15(Sat)08:56:34 No.646842407646843314646847001 >I'm not really interested, didn't even really know about sex except for a gay b------ one time I'm not really interested, didn't even really know about sex except for a gay b------ one time This is an example of what is known as a fairy.
Anonymous 10/17/15(Sat)08:47:01 No.64684 1235 ー646841570>>646841854 >>64684203422646842398 >>64684240722647 (375 KB, 1248x1664) Could have a pic, but, ew. be preen, can't remember when go on holiday with parents to the coast and end up staying at some s----- hotel for the night family is so poor, can't even afford 2 rooms but only 1 night so oh well. out for the day, have fun playing in the arcades Anonymous 10/17/15(Sat)08:57:14 No.646842475 File: 646843302264684331422646847001 HappyDays.jpg (56 KB, 401x372) yeah yeah, f--- all interesting is going on until night get back to the hotel pretty late at night. think my dad was pretty drunk with what happened watch tv a bit, mom and dad have a few more drinks >They always drink ether rum or vodka, still do >bed time, I climb into my own bed, lights go off those two are touching each other and whispering I'm not really interested, didn't even really know about sex except for a gay b------ one time >Im not really interested, didn't even really know about sex except for a gay b------ one time. Anonymous 10/17/15(Sat)08:57:26 No.6468424962646843306468433142646947001 File: (83 KB, 217x204) >>I'm not really interested, didn't even really know about sex except for a gay b------ one time. Anonymous 1 0/17/15(Sat)08:49:58 No.64684 1 570 22646842398 22646843302 >2646843314 >2646847001 >I'm not really interested, didn't even really know about sex except for a gay b------ one time. 6362798783 N----- wat 646841235 I'm not really interested, didn't even really know about sex except for a Anonymous 10 Anonymous 10/17/15(Sat)08:52:18 No.646841854646842398 22646843302646843314 22646847001 File: 141385 (58 KB, 399x382) I'm not really interested, didn't even really know about sex except for a gay b------ one time. 555-COME-ON-NOW nonymous 10/17/15(Sat)08:56:34 No.646842407646843314646847001 >I'm not really interested, didn't even really know about sex except for a gay b------ one time I'm not really interested, didn't even really know about sex except for a gay b------ one time This is an example of what is known as a fairy.

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/k/

File: 1367265933378.jpg-(60 KB, 480x480, biohazard.jpg) G I when shes starts bitchin, innawoods. anonymous 04/29/13(Mon)13:05:33 UTC-7 No. 160541 15 ! Replies: 22160541662216054175 GF starts complaining about all the time and money and i spend on my guns, and on top of that started to say something jive s--- about a 100 mile road trip to see her folks. so.... RAN innawoods. This is the story of the sketchy operation >headed north to my favorite casual camp spot (not my innawoods hide away) >set up camp and was chillin cleanin my ak47 >Some straing individuals approached me inside my camp, but they had an abundance of beer soo....they seemed trustworthy >followed them to their camp > gorged my self on beer >20 Brewsters later... > dude starts pounding some chick > i yelled "get it before the government does >they did not approve of my comment. >die hard OBAMAO supporters > dude starts at me, while his friend and gf gran rope > I shouted "youll never take me alive you mooncricket assholes!" >began to sprint through the woods >.asshoes began throwing rocks > I drunkenly shout" My rocks fly faster!" and fired threes rounds > continued to run > lost them >beer may have been laced with LSD >began hallucinating stripped out, stripped down to my naked glory and covered self in mud > paranoia set in >could not tell if campers were just campers, or SEAL team six in disguise >belly crawl through the woods >found a river. began belly crawling in the shallows down stream. >Fuzzy memories >woke up 100 miles south east of my home under a railroad bridge in a nest made of sticks and leaves like a predatory bird, cuddling ak47 >mouth tasted like moss and mud >three days later finally made it home after hitch hiking >still dont know what happened to my truck or the seal team campers Anonymous 04/29/13(Mon)13:11:01 UTC-7 No. 1605416 P3 ITT: responsible gun owner
File: 1367265933378.jpg-(60 KB, 480x480, biohazard.jpg) G I when shes starts bitchin, innawoods. anonymous 04/29/13(Mon)13:05:33 UTC-7 No. 160541 15 ! Replies: 22160541662216054175 GF starts complaining about all the time and money and i spend on my guns, and on top of that started to say something jive s--- about a 100 mile road trip to see her folks. so.... RAN innawoods. This is the story of the sketchy operation >headed north to my favorite casual camp spot (not my innawoods hide away) >set up camp and was chillin cleanin my ak47 >Some straing individuals approached me inside my camp, but they had an abundance of beer soo....they seemed trustworthy >followed them to their camp > gorged my self on beer >20 Brewsters later... > dude starts pounding some chick > i yelled "get it before the government does >they did not approve of my comment. >die hard OBAMAO supporters > dude starts at me, while his friend and gf gran rope > I shouted "youll never take me alive you mooncricket assholes!" >began to sprint through the woods >.asshoes began throwing rocks > I drunkenly shout" My rocks fly faster!" and fired threes rounds > continued to run > lost them >beer may have been laced with LSD >began hallucinating stripped out, stripped down to my naked glory and covered self in mud > paranoia set in >could not tell if campers were just campers, or SEAL team six in disguise >belly crawl through the woods >found a river. began belly crawling in the shallows down stream. >Fuzzy memories >woke up 100 miles south east of my home under a railroad bridge in a nest made of sticks and leaves like a predatory bird, cuddling ak47 >mouth tasted like moss and mud >three days later finally made it home after hitch hiking >still dont know what happened to my truck or the seal team campers Anonymous 04/29/13(Mon)13:11:01 UTC-7 No. 1605416 P3 ITT: responsible gun owner

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4chan innawoods camping drunk

RIP

Islamic Republic of Iran !!9a6XAa4mDeT 06/06/12(Wed)11:43 No.11844972 118451441184550711849237 P1020045.ipg (61 KB, 550x413) igdb google Alright I'll join in the shitfest with a military poop story Exercise in southern Iran, summer, dry and hot as hell. >MREs for a few days, get reminded to chew the gum and drink water often to avoid brutal constipation >commander tells us that water samples from the trucks with water had proven to be weird or some s---, so a few trucks of water are taken out of the equation leaders do not wish to abort the exercise, but decide to substitute the water with trucks of pepsi from a nearby town >everybody gets pepsi and are told to quit whining and that during a war we won't be guaranteed an abundance of water To avoid brutal constipation I eat very little of the MREs, I get headaches and get fatigued but I manage probably lost 6kg, feels bad man >6th day, I have pooped a few times but only managed dry nuggets but I still no widespread constipation or a----trauma in the unit >it went better than expected.gif week is over, head to town, hungry like a f------ gnu >don't even change out of dirty uniform, head to the main street >enter pizza place, order a large pizza with extra everything while they make it, go to the burger joint across the street and order 2 burgers >when they are done, go back to pizza place, stomach rumbling set up everything in front of me i look like f------ Tony Montana with that mountain of cocaine in front of him >dig into the food with the fury of a mongol horde >barely have time to chew or breathe >l am stuffing my face like a thai prostitute when a US ship is in dock >an unknown amount of customers lose appetite and leave due to my vulgar display everybody knows better than to interfere with the guy who is looking like an extra from the night of the living dead continued □ Islamic Republic of Iran !!9a6XAa4mDeT 06/06/12(Wed)12:14 No. 11845144 >> 11 8451482> 118455072>11849237 2211863759 >11844972 >finally done, sit back and just relax >zone out for 15 minutes or so due to gastronomical orgasm belt is too tight, lighten it that high pressure bubbling sound when your bowels are preparing to declare independence and separate from your body >again, louder, exchange a desperate look with the pizza guy l can see from his facial expression the gravity of the situation >he nods towards the toilets When I move, a symphony of low frequency noises comes from my bowels, a wave of panic washes over me as I realize that I will give birth to a plutonium roo choose toilet that is furthest away sit down and prepare for The Excursion >stomach is rumbling and bubbling, I feel a pressing need to s---, but nothing comes out >l begin to sweat profusely, anxiety and panic grabs a hold of me My entire body is sweating sweat drips from my nose Anus muscle is straining, my intestines are in uproar I relax and try push, this time I feel it, it is so hard and such a tight fit that my anus can feel every bump in the texture of the turd >suddenly it happens so fast continued. 贂 Islamic Republic of Iran !!9a6XAa4mDeT 06/06/12(Wed)12:15 No.11 845148 >> 11845507 >>11849237 car-window-550.jpg (28 KB, 550x366) igdb google 11845144 the plug that is holding in the liquid is out and the high internal pressure that have been built up causes a high pressure and high speed evacuation of the contents Like when you have been still for a long time and then stand up fast: the rapid bowel movement causes a change in blood pressure and I get tunnel vision, black dots start to appear before my eyes pass out for a few seconds, sitting on the toilet wake up, realize what happen and feeling eviscerated >i dont even dare to look in the toilet bowl, because when you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes back into you I wipe, flush a few times, clean up the place and stagger out pale and glistening from sweat exchange a look with the owner of the restaurant swe do not say anything, he nods, knowing that I had been through an exercise much harder than the one in the desert. >i stare out of the window on the bus trip home, not talking to anyone
Islamic Republic of Iran !!9a6XAa4mDeT 06/06/12(Wed)11:43 No.11844972 118451441184550711849237 P1020045.ipg (61 KB, 550x413) igdb google Alright I'll join in the shitfest with a military poop story Exercise in southern Iran, summer, dry and hot as hell. >MREs for a few days, get reminded to chew the gum and drink water often to avoid brutal constipation >commander tells us that water samples from the trucks with water had proven to be weird or some s---, so a few trucks of water are taken out of the equation leaders do not wish to abort the exercise, but decide to substitute the water with trucks of pepsi from a nearby town >everybody gets pepsi and are told to quit whining and that during a war we won't be guaranteed an abundance of water To avoid brutal constipation I eat very little of the MREs, I get headaches and get fatigued but I manage probably lost 6kg, feels bad man >6th day, I have pooped a few times but only managed dry nuggets but I still no widespread constipation or a----trauma in the unit >it went better than expected.gif week is over, head to town, hungry like a f------ gnu >don't even change out of dirty uniform, head to the main street >enter pizza place, order a large pizza with extra everything while they make it, go to the burger joint across the street and order 2 burgers >when they are done, go back to pizza place, stomach rumbling set up everything in front of me i look like f------ Tony Montana with that mountain of cocaine in front of him >dig into the food with the fury of a mongol horde >barely have time to chew or breathe >l am stuffing my face like a thai prostitute when a US ship is in dock >an unknown amount of customers lose appetite and leave due to my vulgar display everybody knows better than to interfere with the guy who is looking like an extra from the night of the living dead continued □ Islamic Republic of Iran !!9a6XAa4mDeT 06/06/12(Wed)12:14 No. 11845144 >> 11 8451482> 118455072>11849237 2211863759 >11844972 >finally done, sit back and just relax >zone out for 15 minutes or so due to gastronomical orgasm belt is too tight, lighten it that high pressure bubbling sound when your bowels are preparing to declare independence and separate from your body >again, louder, exchange a desperate look with the pizza guy l can see from his facial expression the gravity of the situation >he nods towards the toilets When I move, a symphony of low frequency noises comes from my bowels, a wave of panic washes over me as I realize that I will give birth to a plutonium roo choose toilet that is furthest away sit down and prepare for The Excursion >stomach is rumbling and bubbling, I feel a pressing need to s---, but nothing comes out >l begin to sweat profusely, anxiety and panic grabs a hold of me My entire body is sweating sweat drips from my nose Anus muscle is straining, my intestines are in uproar I relax and try push, this time I feel it, it is so hard and such a tight fit that my anus can feel every bump in the texture of the turd >suddenly it happens so fast continued. 贂 Islamic Republic of Iran !!9a6XAa4mDeT 06/06/12(Wed)12:15 No.11 845148 >> 11845507 >>11849237 car-window-550.jpg (28 KB, 550x366) igdb google 11845144 the plug that is holding in the liquid is out and the high internal pressure that have been built up causes a high pressure and high speed evacuation of the contents Like when you have been still for a long time and then stand up fast: the rapid bowel movement causes a change in blood pressure and I get tunnel vision, black dots start to appear before my eyes pass out for a few seconds, sitting on the toilet wake up, realize what happen and feeling eviscerated >i dont even dare to look in the toilet bowl, because when you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes back into you I wipe, flush a few times, clean up the place and stagger out pale and glistening from sweat exchange a look with the owner of the restaurant swe do not say anything, he nods, knowing that I had been through an exercise much harder than the one in the desert. >i stare out of the window on the bus trip home, not talking to anyone

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military iran pepsi pizza mre story

How OP became his own Grandpa

AnonymoUS No.623065567 4 minutes ago >be 23 >marry hot chick cougar who's husband died >rebound sex was cray >she has daughter my age smy single dad thinks my wife's daughter is a fox >wtfdad.jpg they date for a few months and get married my stepdaughter is now my stepmother >my father is my son in law. >w--.exe >have kid with cougar wife >dad has kid with my stepdaughter >my baby became a brother in law to dad >my baby is now my uncle >Jerry springer.PNG >my dad's kid is my sister and my stepdaughters baby thus my grandchild smy wife is my step-mothers mother who is now a grandma to my new half-sibling >l am married to my grandma >I am my own grandpa.
AnonymoUS No.623065567 4 minutes ago >be 23 >marry hot chick cougar who's husband died >rebound sex was cray >she has daughter my age smy single dad thinks my wife's daughter is a fox >wtfdad.jpg they date for a few months and get married my stepdaughter is now my stepmother >my father is my son in law. >w--.exe >have kid with cougar wife >dad has kid with my stepdaughter >my baby became a brother in law to dad >my baby is now my uncle >Jerry springer.PNG >my dad's kid is my sister and my stepdaughters baby thus my grandchild smy wife is my step-mothers mother who is now a grandma to my new half-sibling >l am married to my grandma >I am my own grandpa.

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green text story

Anon Going For A Spin

□ Anonymous 09/27/15(Sun) 10:13:01 No.22680761 ▶ File: 1441890257673 png (145 KB, 535x765) 22680776 >>22680777 >>22680848 >>226 >22680585 tried to kill myself with garbage disposal climb on sink and stick my foot in till i feel the blades on my toes flip the switch hurts like hell and half of my foot is gone in 3 seconds >decide to just ride it out Phalf way up my shin, bone gets caught in the blades and doesn't break instead i start spinning around on top of the sink LeTMeO the constant spinning is making me dizzy so i start vomiting sthe pain is so unbearable i start s------- as well >s--- and puke everywhere, slowly the garbage disposal eats my leg up to my knee im spinning violently and my head is banging against the wall sdecide at this point maybe this wasn't a great idea >don't remember but i think i was knocked out while banging my head against the wall wake up when i hear my mom screaming as she got home from work Sim only up to my inner thigh
□ Anonymous 09/27/15(Sun) 10:13:01 No.22680761 ▶ File: 1441890257673 png (145 KB, 535x765) 22680776 >>22680777 >>22680848 >>226 >22680585 tried to kill myself with garbage disposal climb on sink and stick my foot in till i feel the blades on my toes flip the switch hurts like hell and half of my foot is gone in 3 seconds >decide to just ride it out Phalf way up my shin, bone gets caught in the blades and doesn't break instead i start spinning around on top of the sink LeTMeO the constant spinning is making me dizzy so i start vomiting sthe pain is so unbearable i start s------- as well >s--- and puke everywhere, slowly the garbage disposal eats my leg up to my knee im spinning violently and my head is banging against the wall sdecide at this point maybe this wasn't a great idea >don't remember but i think i was knocked out while banging my head against the wall wake up when i hear my mom screaming as she got home from work Sim only up to my inner thigh

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anon garbage disposal suicide an hero mom home green text arrow story