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Anon goes out to get drunk

File: CFpC2n7W8AAD9kx.png-lar (720 KB, 1024x576) Anonymous 05/03/17(Wed)22:14:21 No.3675241036752540 236752724 >Be me >29 yo white male >Go out to get drunk >Alone >Enter a pub and sit down at the bar >Order a beer >Two girls come in and sit next to me >Fat, ugly, pierced, one with blue hair, the other red >Obv feminists are obv >They start yapping about the patriarchy and toxic masculinity and s--- >l f------ explode >Jump from my stool and point at them >"You filthy w-----! >Don't you dare claim to be oppressed when you are the ones who are silencing others >Don't you dare claim to be marginalized when it's because of you that people are living in fear, afraid to speak their minds >Don't you dare BE SOUR CLAP FOR YOUR WORLD FAMOUS TWO-TIME CHAMPS AND FEEL THE POWAAAAAA!!! >"It's a new day, yes it is!" >The New Day enter the bar and start beating down on the feminist cancer >They defend themselves with bar stools when suddenly >An RKO out of nowhere strikes down the blue haired one >Randy Orton stares down the other cancer, but she cheap-shots him and kicks him in the balls >John Cena runs in and continues to stare her down as if saying "Go try that s--- again, bitch" >She tries it again, but Cena catches her leg, then lifts her up and deals her an AA >Cover ONE TWO >THREE DINGDINGDING DA DARA DAAAAA..DA DARA DAAAAA >Waiter brings us six champagne glasses filled with milk >Toast each other >While toasting, Randy Orton looks into John Cena's eyes for a little bit too long >Sexual tension that has been >Both pull down their pants >Orton mounts Cena from behind and starts pounding him to the rythm of Cena's still playing entrance theme DA DARA DAAAAA...DA DARA DAAAAA >Xavier Woods takes out Francesca ll >Comps Cena's entrance theme on the trombone >BWB BWRB BWWWww...BWB BWRB BWwwwW >BWB BWRB BWWWww...BWB BWRB BWwwwW building up over years breaks loose
File: CFpC2n7W8AAD9kx.png-lar (720 KB, 1024x576) Anonymous 05/03/17(Wed)22:14:21 No.3675241036752540 236752724 >Be me >29 yo white male >Go out to get drunk >Alone >Enter a pub and sit down at the bar >Order a beer >Two girls come in and sit next to me >Fat, ugly, pierced, one with blue hair, the other red >Obv feminists are obv >They start yapping about the patriarchy and toxic masculinity and s--- >l f------ explode >Jump from my stool and point at them >"You filthy w-----! >Don't you dare claim to be oppressed when you are the ones who are silencing others >Don't you dare claim to be marginalized when it's because of you that people are living in fear, afraid to speak their minds >Don't you dare BE SOUR CLAP FOR YOUR WORLD FAMOUS TWO-TIME CHAMPS AND FEEL THE POWAAAAAA!!! >"It's a new day, yes it is!" >The New Day enter the bar and start beating down on the feminist cancer >They defend themselves with bar stools when suddenly >An RKO out of nowhere strikes down the blue haired one >Randy Orton stares down the other cancer, but she cheap-shots him and kicks him in the balls >John Cena runs in and continues to stare her down as if saying "Go try that s--- again, bitch" >She tries it again, but Cena catches her leg, then lifts her up and deals her an AA >Cover ONE TWO >THREE DINGDINGDING DA DARA DAAAAA..DA DARA DAAAAA >Waiter brings us six champagne glasses filled with milk >Toast each other >While toasting, Randy Orton looks into John Cena's eyes for a little bit too long >Sexual tension that has been >Both pull down their pants >Orton mounts Cena from behind and starts pounding him to the rythm of Cena's still playing entrance theme DA DARA DAAAAA...DA DARA DAAAAA >Xavier Woods takes out Francesca ll >Comps Cena's entrance theme on the trombone >BWB BWRB BWWWww...BWB BWRB BWwwwW >BWB BWRB BWWWww...BWB BWRB BWwwwW building up over years breaks loose

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greentext 4chan wrestling feminism

Subway Satan

Anonymous 10/27/13(Sun)20:15:03 UTC-4 No.513020284 Replies: 13022161 51302 ITT: Fastfood stories I'll start: >be me living at uni >go to Subway to pick up some lunch before class >down time, only 2 other people in there >employee hears the bell and comes out from the back >9/10 skinny blond >holding her phone up to her ear but not talking wait a bit and she gives me look >figure she's on hold and I'd better order >Ya, Ill have a 6-inch BLT on Italian and- -c--- cuts me off >"Cant you see I'm on the f------ phone?! >wait for 2 minutes, 3 more people get in line behind me finally she finishes listening to her phone > Alright, the hell do you want? >dat filename >her mistake was bitching at me, a former Subway employee time to f--- up her day >order a footlong double-meat meatball sub on honey wheat bread >that bread tears easier than any other and meatball subs are impossible to close correctly with a regular amount of meatballs make her microwave that s--- for 2 minutes >she tries to use napkins to take it out so she's not burned >fails miserably >order all the vegies >she tries to place a tiny bit of each kind on it smake her double everything >guy behind me laughing his ass off >bread is stretched completely open and tearing stime to destroy this sandwich for sure >ask for oil, say tell her I'll say when she's used enough >wait for her to stop on her own make her double that soil bottle is basically empty added an assortment of other sauces just picked the ones that would dye her uniform the best colors sandwich is 40% sauces >she calls me an a------ and attempts to close the damn thing >sandwich immediatly spews all of its contents all over her uniform, $200 jeans, and $500 shoes >she starts crying lean over the counter >Tve changed my mind, I'd like a 6-inch BLT on Italian."
Anonymous 10/27/13(Sun)20:15:03 UTC-4 No.513020284 Replies: 13022161 51302 ITT: Fastfood stories I'll start: >be me living at uni >go to Subway to pick up some lunch before class >down time, only 2 other people in there >employee hears the bell and comes out from the back >9/10 skinny blond >holding her phone up to her ear but not talking wait a bit and she gives me look >figure she's on hold and I'd better order >Ya, Ill have a 6-inch BLT on Italian and- -c--- cuts me off >"Cant you see I'm on the f------ phone?! >wait for 2 minutes, 3 more people get in line behind me finally she finishes listening to her phone > Alright, the hell do you want? >dat filename >her mistake was bitching at me, a former Subway employee time to f--- up her day >order a footlong double-meat meatball sub on honey wheat bread >that bread tears easier than any other and meatball subs are impossible to close correctly with a regular amount of meatballs make her microwave that s--- for 2 minutes >she tries to use napkins to take it out so she's not burned >fails miserably >order all the vegies >she tries to place a tiny bit of each kind on it smake her double everything >guy behind me laughing his ass off >bread is stretched completely open and tearing stime to destroy this sandwich for sure >ask for oil, say tell her I'll say when she's used enough >wait for her to stop on her own make her double that soil bottle is basically empty added an assortment of other sauces just picked the ones that would dye her uniform the best colors sandwich is 40% sauces >she calls me an a------ and attempts to close the damn thing >sandwich immediatly spews all of its contents all over her uniform, $200 jeans, and $500 shoes >she starts crying lean over the counter >Tve changed my mind, I'd like a 6-inch BLT on Italian."

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subway toppings revenge

Fap Fieri

File: shock.ipg (32 KB, 573x470) 口Anonymous (ID: @ENHED) 07/23/14(Wed)17:54:32 No. 558348286 >Be me >Sitting on the couch, watchin mah shows >Roommat >I can tell when he's watching p--- because he always turns the volume all the way up >F------ a------ >I turn up the TV volume, trying to mask the sound of of Lexi Belle getting drilled >It doesn't work, the sounds from my TV and his computer sort of blend together S"OH YEAH Hey, I'm STICK YOUR F------ Guy Fierl D--- and we're rolling out IN MY ASS, looking for America's greatest diners, I F------ LOVE drive- ins, and YOUR BIG C--- dives!" >Actually, it's pretty hot >This could become a new fapping adventure >I whip it out and start going at it > "The Gold Duck OH F--- Bar & Grill in Memphis YEAH RIGHT THERE RIGHT THERE is YOU LIKE known all over F------ town for MY TIGHT LITTLE e is fapping in his room amazing P---- barbeque!" >Oh my f------ god >Ive never been so hard >Now the chef is talking about how he makes the dry rub >"First, YOU WANNA add some paprika C-- and some cumin ON MY F------ FACE?" >I c-- buckets >Can't hear p--- anymore >ohshitohshitohshit >Roommate opens door and sees me covered in c--, watching Guy Fieri suck some dry rub off his pinky MFW
File: shock.ipg (32 KB, 573x470) 口Anonymous (ID: @ENHED) 07/23/14(Wed)17:54:32 No. 558348286 >Be me >Sitting on the couch, watchin mah shows >Roommat >I can tell when he's watching p--- because he always turns the volume all the way up >F------ a------ >I turn up the TV volume, trying to mask the sound of of Lexi Belle getting drilled >It doesn't work, the sounds from my TV and his computer sort of blend together S"OH YEAH Hey, I'm STICK YOUR F------ Guy Fierl D--- and we're rolling out IN MY ASS, looking for America's greatest diners, I F------ LOVE drive- ins, and YOUR BIG C--- dives!" >Actually, it's pretty hot >This could become a new fapping adventure >I whip it out and start going at it > "The Gold Duck OH F--- Bar & Grill in Memphis YEAH RIGHT THERE RIGHT THERE is YOU LIKE known all over F------ town for MY TIGHT LITTLE e is fapping in his room amazing P---- barbeque!" >Oh my f------ god >Ive never been so hard >Now the chef is talking about how he makes the dry rub >"First, YOU WANNA add some paprika C-- and some cumin ON MY F------ FACE?" >I c-- buckets >Can't hear p--- anymore >ohshitohshitohshit >Roommate opens door and sees me covered in c--, watching Guy Fieri suck some dry rub off his pinky MFW

Greentext Stories
guy fieri fap

Shitty Revenge

File: hookaipg (86 KB 620x465) ■ Anonymous (ID: Story time b/ HOU NTO) 10/28/14(Tue)23:29 45 No.576373696 be me be sophomore in college >decide to go to San Francisco with a few of my bros I had this one buddy, we'll call him Dave >Dave was a f------ wildcard, this dude would do just about anything for a laugh In San Francisco after an awful red-eye flight. Go clubbing every night, having the time of our lives Eventually our trip was coming to a close, and we only had a couple more days left in San Fran >Decide to go clubbing again, for the third night in a row After a fow hours of clubbing we were pretty freaking inabriated Finally decide to wander back to our hotel for the night >Begin to stumble back to the hotel, having a great f------ time >We are suddenly approached by one a San Fran's finest, a frighteningly emaciated meth addict h----- >We are not interested in acquiring vanareal diseases from a crack w----, continue to walk As we were about to walk by, this h----- said something that I'll never be able to forgel >"I'll bet each of you boys ten dollars that you can't s--- on my face Dave immediately takes her up on the offer, me and the rest of my friends are too drunk to care H----- takes us all down to an alley, then procoods to lay down with her face upwards Anonymous (D: akBUhFLO) 10/28/14(Tue)23:30:33 No.576373816576374049 cont > Okay try to s--- on my face" Dave goes first >Dave pulls his pants down and exposes his bare ass >Just as he's about to pinch a log off onto this meth addict w----'s forehead she blows on his a------ >A------ immediately shrivels up like a dehy drated raisin, Dave literally can not s--- on her face >My tum next l stand over her face, knowing that my ten dollars is at stake >l squeeze my bowels like I've never squeezed them before, and I begin to feel a massive s--- log stiring within me >I had gained confidence, this was my shining moment PJust as I felt the tip of my s--- touching the ring on my a------ a great wind swept up from the prostltute's mouth and instantly closed the gates of my sphincter Just as Dave had failad bofore me, I was unnsuccossful in my quest SHooker proceeds to do the same to each of my friends, not a single one of us can s--- on her face SHooker collects sixty bucks, and we finish our journey back to the hotel defeated >All of my friends and I quickly forget the experience, except for Dave Dave becomes legitimately angy that he wasn't able to s--- on the h-----'s face >Keeps talking about how much he wants his money back >whatever.gif >Next day sOur plane leaves the next sWe decide to go around and eat dinner at the cheapest restaurant we can find (after losing our money to the h-----, we decided not to spend so this night was our last in San Francisco much) >Find this nasty "chinese" buffet >Eat a fuckton of food, tons of really spicy stuff > >。Anonymous (D COUNRO) 10/28/14(Tue)23: 3203 No 576374040 cont >Decide to go back to the hotel to chill and start packing >We get back to the Hotel, and a look of pure malice crosses Dave's face s"We're going to got our monoyb >Apparently the chinese buffet was beginning to have a serious affect on Dave sDave runs out of the hotel to go find the h----- from the night before Friends and I have no choice but to follow Dave doubles over in stomach pain, still running with the ferlocity and determination of a tigress hunting her prey Dave begins to groan and fart loadly, running even faster than before >Finally arive at the alley where we met the h----- before > Sure enough, the same meth head prostitute is stading at the same corner sDave groans through clanched teeth "We want to try and s--- on your face again, double or nothing SHooker agrees S Takes us back to the same place as before, and lays in the same position Dave stands over her face as I remain transfixed with anticipation Ss ! Anonymous (ID:GKI ED) 10/28/14(Tue)23: 33: 1 3 No 576374230 cont. Before the h----- even had time to purse her lips in preparation of closing Dave's sphincter, he began to release an unholy a--- terror the likes of which no man should ever witness Dave lets out a defeaning warcry as legions of liquid s--- spew forth from between his fiercly vibrating asscheeks >The hookers screams of utter terror slowly become muffled as legendary proportions of post-digested spicy asian buffet cover her face and chest The s--- continues to flow forth as the floodgates of hell remain open H----- attempts to protect her already scet-buried face with her hands, which are quickly pushed back by the force of Dave's a--- explosion Finally, Dave's ass slowly putters and flarps itself to sleep >Dave turns around, baro ass quivering from the after affects of what can only be comparod to a nuclear blast in order to assoss the damago The H----- is literally covered from head to toe in s---, with a smell reminiscient of the prison cells in Auschwitz She's not even moving anymore, she just lays still, put into shock by the force of Dave's s--- Dave tuns to us with a serious expression on his face bare ass still exposed to the breeze "Holy f--- I've killed her" The pavement around the hookers head is also drenched in s---, giving the appearence of a grotesque brown halo Dave quickly pulls his pants back up, and we all sprint away from the alley >Still don't know what happoned to that hookor, or if she even survived
File: hookaipg (86 KB 620x465) ■ Anonymous (ID: Story time b/ HOU NTO) 10/28/14(Tue)23:29 45 No.576373696 be me be sophomore in college >decide to go to San Francisco with a few of my bros I had this one buddy, we'll call him Dave >Dave was a f------ wildcard, this dude would do just about anything for a laugh In San Francisco after an awful red-eye flight. Go clubbing every night, having the time of our lives Eventually our trip was coming to a close, and we only had a couple more days left in San Fran >Decide to go clubbing again, for the third night in a row After a fow hours of clubbing we were pretty freaking inabriated Finally decide to wander back to our hotel for the night >Begin to stumble back to the hotel, having a great f------ time >We are suddenly approached by one a San Fran's finest, a frighteningly emaciated meth addict h----- >We are not interested in acquiring vanareal diseases from a crack w----, continue to walk As we were about to walk by, this h----- said something that I'll never be able to forgel >"I'll bet each of you boys ten dollars that you can't s--- on my face Dave immediately takes her up on the offer, me and the rest of my friends are too drunk to care H----- takes us all down to an alley, then procoods to lay down with her face upwards Anonymous (D: akBUhFLO) 10/28/14(Tue)23:30:33 No.576373816576374049 cont > Okay try to s--- on my face" Dave goes first >Dave pulls his pants down and exposes his bare ass >Just as he's about to pinch a log off onto this meth addict w----'s forehead she blows on his a------ >A------ immediately shrivels up like a dehy drated raisin, Dave literally can not s--- on her face >My tum next l stand over her face, knowing that my ten dollars is at stake >l squeeze my bowels like I've never squeezed them before, and I begin to feel a massive s--- log stiring within me >I had gained confidence, this was my shining moment PJust as I felt the tip of my s--- touching the ring on my a------ a great wind swept up from the prostltute's mouth and instantly closed the gates of my sphincter Just as Dave had failad bofore me, I was unnsuccossful in my quest SHooker proceeds to do the same to each of my friends, not a single one of us can s--- on her face SHooker collects sixty bucks, and we finish our journey back to the hotel defeated >All of my friends and I quickly forget the experience, except for Dave Dave becomes legitimately angy that he wasn't able to s--- on the h-----'s face >Keeps talking about how much he wants his money back >whatever.gif >Next day sOur plane leaves the next sWe decide to go around and eat dinner at the cheapest restaurant we can find (after losing our money to the h-----, we decided not to spend so this night was our last in San Francisco much) >Find this nasty "chinese" buffet >Eat a fuckton of food, tons of really spicy stuff > >。Anonymous (D COUNRO) 10/28/14(Tue)23: 3203 No 576374040 cont >Decide to go back to the hotel to chill and start packing >We get back to the Hotel, and a look of pure malice crosses Dave's face s"We're going to got our monoyb >Apparently the chinese buffet was beginning to have a serious affect on Dave sDave runs out of the hotel to go find the h----- from the night before Friends and I have no choice but to follow Dave doubles over in stomach pain, still running with the ferlocity and determination of a tigress hunting her prey Dave begins to groan and fart loadly, running even faster than before >Finally arive at the alley where we met the h----- before > Sure enough, the same meth head prostitute is stading at the same corner sDave groans through clanched teeth "We want to try and s--- on your face again, double or nothing SHooker agrees S Takes us back to the same place as before, and lays in the same position Dave stands over her face as I remain transfixed with anticipation Ss ! Anonymous (ID:GKI ED) 10/28/14(Tue)23: 33: 1 3 No 576374230 cont. Before the h----- even had time to purse her lips in preparation of closing Dave's sphincter, he began to release an unholy a--- terror the likes of which no man should ever witness Dave lets out a defeaning warcry as legions of liquid s--- spew forth from between his fiercly vibrating asscheeks >The hookers screams of utter terror slowly become muffled as legendary proportions of post-digested spicy asian buffet cover her face and chest The s--- continues to flow forth as the floodgates of hell remain open H----- attempts to protect her already scet-buried face with her hands, which are quickly pushed back by the force of Dave's a--- explosion Finally, Dave's ass slowly putters and flarps itself to sleep >Dave turns around, baro ass quivering from the after affects of what can only be comparod to a nuclear blast in order to assoss the damago The H----- is literally covered from head to toe in s---, with a smell reminiscient of the prison cells in Auschwitz She's not even moving anymore, she just lays still, put into shock by the force of Dave's s--- Dave tuns to us with a serious expression on his face bare ass still exposed to the breeze "Holy f--- I've killed her" The pavement around the hookers head is also drenched in s---, giving the appearence of a grotesque brown halo Dave quickly pulls his pants back up, and we all sprint away from the alley >Still don't know what happoned to that hookor, or if she even survived

Greentext Stories
prostitute revenge

Grandpa Get

24145 ipg-(44 KB, 628x418, 628x471.jpg) Anonymous 01/20/14 (Mon)03:33:44 No.528033471 > At my great grandpa's birthday > He's super old so it's just at my parent's house (he lives with them) > We're all in the kitchen; grandpa's sitting in his wheelchair with his oxygen hooked up > Cant tell if he even knows where he is > Mom brings cake into the room > Made at home, nothing fancy > Has one big candle because he's turning 111 (the kind that are just the number) > Whole family halfheartedly clapping and hooting as mom lights the candle on the cake > I do my best to show interest in the situation > Turn to the old man and smile s I see his hand reach out and one finger curl out, before retracting, beckoning for me s He's so old I dont want to get any closer but my whole family is looking, amazed he's even moving > I get closer to my great grandpa > Think I hear him trying to say something, but it might just be labored breathing > Lean in as close as I can Suddenly his hand shoots up with surprising quickness > Firmly grasps the back of my head and shoves my head against his, his mouth almost touching my ear > Grip tightening, he opens his mouth to speak Anonymous 01/20/14 (Mon)03:34:39 No.528033570 Replies: 2>528034041 3528034962 2528035248>528035451 >528035457 File: 1390206879675 ipg-(15 KB, 327x380, great-grandpa.jpg) > "Check 'em." > Whole family is standing up, confused as to what's happening > His free hand shoots up and points at the candle > "F------ CHECK EM" > My head feels like it's going to explode from the vice grip it's in > "TRⅢ > Stands up from his wheelchair and rips his oxygen mask off > "F------ TRIPS, CHECK EM YOU F------ ⅢPS" he hollers s Whole family is confused; I fall to the floor stunned > "PAYPAL ME $1000, GIFT ME ALL YOUR STEAM GAMES, MILHOUSE IS A MEMEI > He rips the melting candle off the cake and shoves it in my face, mounting me on the ground > "YOU SEE THAT, NEWFAG? YOU EVER SEEN TRIPS LIKE THOSE BEFORE? > "N-noo great grandpa" > "DAMN RIGHT. CHECK 'EM. ALL YOU F------ CHECK 'EM. I DONT WANT TO HEAR ABOUT S----- DUBS. I AM THE TRIPS MASTER, I HAVE THE POWER." > Grandpa laughs and storms out the front door > Get a text from him 3 minutes later > Didnt even know he could text > It's a picture of his d--- And that's how my great grandpa lost his internet privileges
24145 ipg-(44 KB, 628x418, 628x471.jpg) Anonymous 01/20/14 (Mon)03:33:44 No.528033471 > At my great grandpa's birthday > He's super old so it's just at my parent's house (he lives with them) > We're all in the kitchen; grandpa's sitting in his wheelchair with his oxygen hooked up > Cant tell if he even knows where he is > Mom brings cake into the room > Made at home, nothing fancy > Has one big candle because he's turning 111 (the kind that are just the number) > Whole family halfheartedly clapping and hooting as mom lights the candle on the cake > I do my best to show interest in the situation > Turn to the old man and smile s I see his hand reach out and one finger curl out, before retracting, beckoning for me s He's so old I dont want to get any closer but my whole family is looking, amazed he's even moving > I get closer to my great grandpa > Think I hear him trying to say something, but it might just be labored breathing > Lean in as close as I can Suddenly his hand shoots up with surprising quickness > Firmly grasps the back of my head and shoves my head against his, his mouth almost touching my ear > Grip tightening, he opens his mouth to speak Anonymous 01/20/14 (Mon)03:34:39 No.528033570 Replies: 2>528034041 3528034962 2528035248>528035451 >528035457 File: 1390206879675 ipg-(15 KB, 327x380, great-grandpa.jpg) > "Check 'em." > Whole family is standing up, confused as to what's happening > His free hand shoots up and points at the candle > "F------ CHECK EM" > My head feels like it's going to explode from the vice grip it's in > "TRⅢ > Stands up from his wheelchair and rips his oxygen mask off > "F------ TRIPS, CHECK EM YOU F------ ⅢPS" he hollers s Whole family is confused; I fall to the floor stunned > "PAYPAL ME $1000, GIFT ME ALL YOUR STEAM GAMES, MILHOUSE IS A MEMEI > He rips the melting candle off the cake and shoves it in my face, mounting me on the ground > "YOU SEE THAT, NEWFAG? YOU EVER SEEN TRIPS LIKE THOSE BEFORE? > "N-noo great grandpa" > "DAMN RIGHT. CHECK 'EM. ALL YOU F------ CHECK 'EM. I DONT WANT TO HEAR ABOUT S----- DUBS. I AM THE TRIPS MASTER, I HAVE THE POWER." > Grandpa laughs and storms out the front door > Get a text from him 3 minutes later > Didnt even know he could text > It's a picture of his d--- And that's how my great grandpa lost his internet privileges

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grandpa trips birthday

Unga Bunga

File: 134786 (58 KB, 470x300, caveman.jpg) 器□ Anonymous (ID: yrOWUlp) 09/17/12(Mon)03:08:55 No.425628783 >wake up >me go stone market, want buy new stones >see hot ungabungas in stonemarket stry speak ungabunga >mammoth meat fall out loin cloth >me run back cave, cry me eyes out >berrypicker as f--- Anonymous (ID: yrOvVUlp) 09/17/12(Mon)03:15:51 No.425629652 Replies: 425630183 File (11 KB, 177x177, caveman1.jpg) >hide near watering hole sme watch ungabunga take off loin cloth >ungabunga catch TYOU WANT MAKE GRUNT WITH ME? >me make grunt >me realize it Ogaba, cousin on mom side "oh sun, what have done?!" not matter, had snoosnoo □ Anonymous (ID: yrOvVUIp) 09/17/12(Mon)03:19:35 No.4256301 57 Replies: >>425630581 >>4256307532:425630884 File: 1347866375685.ipg-(22 KB, 250x300, neanderthal.jpg) >reading wall painting in 4chan cave >mom yell "TIME FOR EAT, NUGNUG >me reply "NUGNUG NOT HUNGRY, NUGNUG STAY HERE FIVE MORE SUN MOVEMENTS >mom insist me walk house pet >me go outside >hot sungod heat up ground because angry at us for not enough sacrifice >put leash on pet raptor >feet burn me fall down before even me walk out front door >me open door, get on floor >me walk dinosaur Anonymous (ID: FkuVOUaW) 09/17/12(Mon)03:22:20 No.425630529 File: 1347866540512 jpg-(72 KB, 800x533, 091212_mammoth.jpg) >MFW
File: 134786 (58 KB, 470x300, caveman.jpg) 器□ Anonymous (ID: yrOWUlp) 09/17/12(Mon)03:08:55 No.425628783 >wake up >me go stone market, want buy new stones >see hot ungabungas in stonemarket stry speak ungabunga >mammoth meat fall out loin cloth >me run back cave, cry me eyes out >berrypicker as f--- Anonymous (ID: yrOvVUlp) 09/17/12(Mon)03:15:51 No.425629652 Replies: 425630183 File (11 KB, 177x177, caveman1.jpg) >hide near watering hole sme watch ungabunga take off loin cloth >ungabunga catch TYOU WANT MAKE GRUNT WITH ME? >me make grunt >me realize it Ogaba, cousin on mom side "oh sun, what have done?!" not matter, had snoosnoo □ Anonymous (ID: yrOvVUIp) 09/17/12(Mon)03:19:35 No.4256301 57 Replies: >>425630581 >>4256307532:425630884 File: 1347866375685.ipg-(22 KB, 250x300, neanderthal.jpg) >reading wall painting in 4chan cave >mom yell "TIME FOR EAT, NUGNUG >me reply "NUGNUG NOT HUNGRY, NUGNUG STAY HERE FIVE MORE SUN MOVEMENTS >mom insist me walk house pet >me go outside >hot sungod heat up ground because angry at us for not enough sacrifice >put leash on pet raptor >feet burn me fall down before even me walk out front door >me open door, get on floor >me walk dinosaur Anonymous (ID: FkuVOUaW) 09/17/12(Mon)03:22:20 No.425630529 File: 1347866540512 jpg-(72 KB, 800x533, 091212_mammoth.jpg) >MFW

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cavemen mammoth

Lit Box

File: s--- ipg (991 KB 2448x3264) □ Anonymous 05/09/16(Mon)20:52:01 No.6834 16970 9883417937 Finland >Get invited to a party and dont really know anybody there >The host is a girl Start getting drunk on free beer and punch Rumbling in my stomach need to take a piss >Go to the toilet and star pissing >See that there is a cats litter box >Epic idea appears Take a huge dump in the lifter box aCome out the toilet like a boss mins passes by and someone goes in the toilet >Comes out terrified >Pörri (name of the cat) just took the biggest s--- ever! PAll the guests go and admire my s--- The girl whose party it was cleans my s--- up >Continue drinking Nobody knows my secret Tell me your s--- stories! D Anonymous 05/09/16(Mon)20:58:06 No 6834 17384 22n834 17504 I completely relate to you, OP. Here's a s--- story. >Went on 4chan one night >Couldn't sleep >101 dogree fever >Sees s----- greentext about s--- in Finland >F--- this Internet s--- □ Anonymous 05/09/16Mon)20 58 30 No 6834 17402 File: spurdo häyang (16 KB, 583x767) >Finnish Army >We are out training in the forest oin the midde of the night go take a s--- into a foxhole that somebody dug in our position >EVERYBODY WAKE UP! MORTARS EVERYBODY IN YOUR FOXHOLESI 3ome poor bastard belly jumps in tho the diharrea s--- filled foxhole and gets covered in s--- >He cant go change his goar in days >Nobody knows my secret >> |□ Anonymous 05/09/16(Mon)21:07:56 No 683417937ヒ2682412041 finland >be a cat Powner throws a party go to the toilet after some dude sdiscover huge s--- in my litter box >eat the f------ thing s--- even greater log where the human s--- used to be >meaowr like crazy bowner comes to see what's going on as me on producing a >everybody comes to have a look >everybody takes pictures some guy looking with a scared look on his face look back at him and squint my eyes >the guy hauls ass and leaves the party >dont f--- with my litter box snobody knows my secr >> Anonymous 05/09/16(Mon)21 09 43 No 683418041 683417937 kek :0 E. Anonymous 05/09/16(Mon)21-11-18 No 683418 138 3416245 22683416970 (OP Finland Get invited to big s--- party >The host is s--- >Start getting drunk on two girls and one cup >Rumbling in my stomach, need to take a s--- Go to the toilet and start s------- >See the cat's litterbox, s--- in it >Guesis come up to admire my s--- S--- on guests S--- on cat >Continue s------- Finland

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cat litterbox whodunnit

Nekkid Nazi

Winter 2011 >Grandpa had passed 4 months ago Left me his WW2 stuff in a rusty box Sleeping soundly Hear a crash downstairs >Someone had broken in my window >Have no firearms >F---.f-- >Check Papa Box >F------ Luger tucked next to an SS cap >Luger is loaded >Slap hat on and run downstairs stark nekkid >Spot the f----- going through my entertainment center >Aim and scream first German words that pop into my head "PANZERKAMPFWAGEN SCHADENFREUDE" >Fire.exe until out of rounds >He bolted for the window, literally screaming and crying something about Nazi's supposed to be extinct >Definitely hit him a few times since there was blood on the carpet >Call cops, guy gets arrested, asked about Nazi stuff, tell story, cops love it. Nekkid Nazi becomes neighborhood story
Winter 2011 >Grandpa had passed 4 months ago Left me his WW2 stuff in a rusty box Sleeping soundly Hear a crash downstairs >Someone had broken in my window >Have no firearms >F---.f-- >Check Papa Box >F------ Luger tucked next to an SS cap >Luger is loaded >Slap hat on and run downstairs stark nekkid >Spot the f----- going through my entertainment center >Aim and scream first German words that pop into my head "PANZERKAMPFWAGEN SCHADENFREUDE" >Fire.exe until out of rounds >He bolted for the window, literally screaming and crying something about Nazi's supposed to be extinct >Definitely hit him a few times since there was blood on the carpet >Call cops, guy gets arrested, asked about Nazi stuff, tell story, cops love it. Nekkid Nazi becomes neighborhood story

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nazi naked burglar

Raised by 4chan

File: 1391724376420.png-(139 KB, 600x301, thumb_8027-1373996494.png) [] Anonymous 02/06/14(Thu)14:06:16 UTC-8 No. 531132589 TT: Work stories >work at furniture warehouse load furniture into cars for costumers that come in for pick up >guy comes in for couch >after couch is loaded I see his order form >says his name is Dubs Checkum >last two digits of order are 38 >"Nice roll f-----" >say it as boss walks by >boss walks over to customer and asks if everything is okay >customer is laughing so hard nearly s---- his pants proceeds to give me the best review of my life >boss is so impressed i get a promotion >mfw I got a promotion for calling a customer a f----- >mfw I now make more money because of 4chan
File: 1391724376420.png-(139 KB, 600x301, thumb_8027-1373996494.png) [] Anonymous 02/06/14(Thu)14:06:16 UTC-8 No. 531132589 TT: Work stories >work at furniture warehouse load furniture into cars for costumers that come in for pick up >guy comes in for couch >after couch is loaded I see his order form >says his name is Dubs Checkum >last two digits of order are 38 >"Nice roll f-----" >say it as boss walks by >boss walks over to customer and asks if everything is okay >customer is laughing so hard nearly s---- his pants proceeds to give me the best review of my life >boss is so impressed i get a promotion >mfw I got a promotion for calling a customer a f----- >mfw I now make more money because of 4chan

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furniture 4chan dubs check em trips op

No Stopping The Tickle Train

Anonymous 08/04/13(Sun)01:39 No.2033071 06 Replies: >>203307271 22203307352 File: 1375594754640 png-(29 KB, 500x300, 1373898041096.png) >Playing some Garry's Mod No one talking >One dude joins, mic ultra sensitive >Loud as f--- >can hear smells >Cringe at the sound of his door opening >You know what time it is, son?" >"dad, not now.." >"d-dad stop tickling mel!" >Worst giggle I ever heard in my life >Goes on for a few seconds then >"THERE AINT NO STOPPING THIS TICKLE TRAIN!" Oh God >Someone starts laughing uncontrollably >Chat blows up with people losing their s--- >He types "What is everyone laughing at?" >Everyone replies "you" >Unplugs his mic and leaves the game People need to mute those mics. Worst part was that he sounded like he was in his 40s
Anonymous 08/04/13(Sun)01:39 No.2033071 06 Replies: >>203307271 22203307352 File: 1375594754640 png-(29 KB, 500x300, 1373898041096.png) >Playing some Garry's Mod No one talking >One dude joins, mic ultra sensitive >Loud as f--- >can hear smells >Cringe at the sound of his door opening >You know what time it is, son?" >"dad, not now.." >"d-dad stop tickling mel!" >Worst giggle I ever heard in my life >Goes on for a few seconds then >"THERE AINT NO STOPPING THIS TICKLE TRAIN!" Oh God >Someone starts laughing uncontrollably >Chat blows up with people losing their s--- >He types "What is everyone laughing at?" >Everyone replies "you" >Unplugs his mic and leaves the game People need to mute those mics. Worst part was that he sounded like he was in his 40s

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tickle train garry's mod

Too Infinity

File: image ipg (49 KB, 970x654) ■ Anonymous 0205/16(Fri)15.35:16 No 667360539·ー5735129S-5572615 Ok, so you may have seen this image of me floating around, it went viral a few years ago, and thought the story is too good not to share be me 8 years ago Shear about prostate stimulation and how it's supposed to give you some kind of super orgasm feeisgood pg sexperiment for a while by inserting things up my chutney channel reachョpoint where l usually fap with some kind of starfish stimulation > after about a year and a half of this my ass is looser than Bemie Sander's ballsaick l come across a best of 4chan thread it's the one about curnming on a Jesse toys face, and when you leave the toys will have to console her as she cannot remove the curn without causing suspicion jerryspringer jpg 'm gonna stick buzz up my ass my brother has a miniature buzz figure with full anticulation, extendable wings and all the sound offects Slube up my back gate and slide him in to infinity and beyond Ive got a friend in me decide f--- it fap to some toy story hental breaching the point of climasx C-- ssphincter clenches in pleasure the sudden bowel movement is sufficient enough to activate his spring-powered extending wing mechanism >buzz's wings hook into the walls of my pooperhole like a plastic lapeworm from hell with a comical spring noise ppanic ensues l franticaly try to remove him from the depths of my a------ to no aval othe commotion only adds to the discomfort and pushes him further into my poop chute that's when the sóund effects kicked in buzz light year quotes begin emanating from my rear end like Satan cnuelly taunting from his pit of etemal helitire this isn't flying, this is falling with style! is now being repeatedly farted out of my a--- cavity owaddle over to the toilet and begin desperatoly trying to s--- out Andys Chinese spaceman After failing I decide I'm going to need to go to the doictors to get it removed Mw Buzz says "you are a sad, strange little man, and you have my plity all the way to the hospital Anonymous 02/05/16(Fn)15:35:57 No 667360642 · 67was File image png (48 KB, 190x200)

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buzz lightyear toy story

The Perks of Being a Wall Farter

File: 1347909162181 ipg-(28 KB, 500x435, sad _dad[1].jpg) 器 Fart greentexts-General Anonymous 09/17/12(Mon) 15:12:42 No.3798017 Replies: 223798046 have to sleep at parents' house have bedroom right next to parents' bedroom only separated by a thin, wooden wall midnight >can't sleep stand up and go to the wall between our bedrooms press asscheeks against the wall the fart begins as a low murmur kicks into overdrive and blasts my entire ass-crescendo all over the wall and into the other room swiftly leap into bed just as dad opens my door and peeks in >thinks i'm still asleep eaves jump up and violate the wall again the ass-blast is so powerful, the ring of my a------ practically drums against the wal >hear dad come and pretend to be asleep again run up to the wall when he's gone asscheeks spread all over the damp spot on the wall and preparing to unleash another nuclear holocaust >JC IT'S A BOMEB suddenly, see dad leap into my room right in the middle of my brain-shattering assplosion >his face when
File: 1347909162181 ipg-(28 KB, 500x435, sad _dad[1].jpg) 器 Fart greentexts-General Anonymous 09/17/12(Mon) 15:12:42 No.3798017 Replies: 223798046 have to sleep at parents' house have bedroom right next to parents' bedroom only separated by a thin, wooden wall midnight >can't sleep stand up and go to the wall between our bedrooms press asscheeks against the wall the fart begins as a low murmur kicks into overdrive and blasts my entire ass-crescendo all over the wall and into the other room swiftly leap into bed just as dad opens my door and peeks in >thinks i'm still asleep eaves jump up and violate the wall again the ass-blast is so powerful, the ring of my a------ practically drums against the wal >hear dad come and pretend to be asleep again run up to the wall when he's gone asscheeks spread all over the damp spot on the wall and preparing to unleash another nuclear holocaust >JC IT'S A BOMEB suddenly, see dad leap into my room right in the middle of my brain-shattering assplosion >his face when

Greentext Stories
fart dad

8 Minutes Per Hour

File: sun.ipg (618 KB, 1536x1536) Anonymous 06/08/16(Wed)23:13:10 No.688610224 688610490 2688610566 6886105716886139812688614107 22688614194 -688614458 >688614504 688614755 688615354 >688615664 688616096 688616282 >688616321688616987 >688622036 688622521 So how long would we last if the sun disappeared...Let the responses begin Anonymous 06/08/16(Wed)23:15:11 No.688610490 18 minutes Anonymous 06/08/16 Wed)23:15:43 No. 6886 10566 2-6886 109522-688611526 >>6886 1 37302-6886 1 3910>>688616093 Quick guess. 8minutes. The last of light will end reaching us, starts to get really cold after that. Also, the centre of mass of the galaxy would be around Jupiter and then the planets would go out of whack. since sun was 98% mass of sytme probably go and leave solar systme. It'll get cold anyawy Anonymous 06/08/16(Wed)23:15:49 No.6886 10571 688610224 (OP) 3 years Anonymous 06/08/16(Wed)23:18:59 No.6886 10952 >>6886 11147 >>688621750 I'd say somewhat more than that because earth's ability to retain heat. But I woudlnt know for how long Anonymous 06/08/16(Wed)23:20:25 No. 688611147 2-6886 13571 >>6886 15148 oh yeah good point. Not long. humans go bye bye quickl withough some tech. Only some species around thermal vents survive for maybe years Anonymous 06/08/16(Wed)23:44:38 No.688614755688614902 688615346 688615709688617708 >688618080688618479 688625424 688625464 688626808 >688610224 (OP) Okay, if it takes the light and heat from the sun 8 minuets to stop reaching Earth, what if we just travel away from the sun at 8 minuets per hour? We'll always be keeping up with where the warm is, so we'll never run out of sun Anonymous 06/09/16(Thu)00:03:41 No. 688617708 Anonymous 06/08/16(Wed)23:45:33 No.68861 4902 Anonymous 06/08/16(Wed)23:48:10 No.68861 5346、2-6886 15483 6886147 >8 minutes per hour >what if we just travel away from the sun at 8 minuets per hour? What the f--- is 8 minutes per hour Genius stuff. Well played. Anonymous 06/09/16(Thu)00:06:15 No.688618080 62 gif (522 KB, 200x136) >2688618308 Anonymous 06/09/16(Thu)00:54:45 No. 688625424 File: 14444 Anonymous 06/09/16(Thu)01:04:40 No. 688626808 : my sides png (143 KB, 540x328) 688614755 >8 minutes per hour >where the warm is >8 minutes per My sides have gone orbital with the planets 688614755 >8 minuets per hour I haven't laughed this hard in a while
File: sun.ipg (618 KB, 1536x1536) Anonymous 06/08/16(Wed)23:13:10 No.688610224 688610490 2688610566 6886105716886139812688614107 22688614194 -688614458 >688614504 688614755 688615354 >688615664 688616096 688616282 >688616321688616987 >688622036 688622521 So how long would we last if the sun disappeared...Let the responses begin Anonymous 06/08/16(Wed)23:15:11 No.688610490 18 minutes Anonymous 06/08/16 Wed)23:15:43 No. 6886 10566 2-6886 109522-688611526 >>6886 1 37302-6886 1 3910>>688616093 Quick guess. 8minutes. The last of light will end reaching us, starts to get really cold after that. Also, the centre of mass of the galaxy would be around Jupiter and then the planets would go out of whack. since sun was 98% mass of sytme probably go and leave solar systme. It'll get cold anyawy Anonymous 06/08/16(Wed)23:15:49 No.6886 10571 688610224 (OP) 3 years Anonymous 06/08/16(Wed)23:18:59 No.6886 10952 >>6886 11147 >>688621750 I'd say somewhat more than that because earth's ability to retain heat. But I woudlnt know for how long Anonymous 06/08/16(Wed)23:20:25 No. 688611147 2-6886 13571 >>6886 15148 oh yeah good point. Not long. humans go bye bye quickl withough some tech. Only some species around thermal vents survive for maybe years Anonymous 06/08/16(Wed)23:44:38 No.688614755688614902 688615346 688615709688617708 >688618080688618479 688625424 688625464 688626808 >688610224 (OP) Okay, if it takes the light and heat from the sun 8 minuets to stop reaching Earth, what if we just travel away from the sun at 8 minuets per hour? We'll always be keeping up with where the warm is, so we'll never run out of sun Anonymous 06/09/16(Thu)00:03:41 No. 688617708 Anonymous 06/08/16(Wed)23:45:33 No.68861 4902 Anonymous 06/08/16(Wed)23:48:10 No.68861 5346、2-6886 15483 6886147 >8 minutes per hour >what if we just travel away from the sun at 8 minuets per hour? What the f--- is 8 minutes per hour Genius stuff. Well played. Anonymous 06/09/16(Thu)00:06:15 No.688618080 62 gif (522 KB, 200x136) >2688618308 Anonymous 06/09/16(Thu)00:54:45 No. 688625424 File: 14444 Anonymous 06/09/16(Thu)01:04:40 No. 688626808 : my sides png (143 KB, 540x328) 688614755 >8 minutes per hour >where the warm is >8 minutes per My sides have gone orbital with the planets 688614755 >8 minuets per hour I haven't laughed this hard in a while

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sun physics troll logic fail math

For Want of a Gorilla Suit, The Meaning Was Lost

Anonymous 02/18/1 3(Mon)02:39 No.1 76886365 Replies: >>176886459 >> 176886568 try to sell stuff on cragislist put price get texts >"how much 4 product" CAN THESE PEOPLE NOT READ H-------- Anonymous 02/18/13(Mon)02:40 No.176886459 Replies: >>176892351 176886365 l tried to buy a gorilla suit and the guy said it was 100 in the title, 120 in the comments, and then when I asked him he said 90 dollars Anonymous 02/18/13(Mon)03:30 No. 176892351 Replies: 176892563 176886459 Why were you buving a gorilla suit? Anonymous 02/18/13(Mon)03:31 No.176892563 Replies: >>175892815 176892829 176892351 Because I dragged a parking sign into my friends house and I needed a disguise □ Anonymous 02/18/13(Mon)03:33 No.1 76892815 ] Replies: 2217689302822176893440 (6 KB, 256x192, image.jpg) >176892563 That just raises even more questions! File: 1361176407510 Anonymous 02/18/13(Mon)03:33 No.176892829 Replies: >176893440 >176892563 I wish I had the opportunity to witness some dude in a gorilla suit steal a parking sign Anonymous 02/18/13(Mon)03:38 No.176893440 Replies: >176893716 176B93739176893831 176894064 >>176892829 >>176892815 Well this is what happened >Friend buys 50 packs of plastic forks sGoes over to my house and sticks them all in my f------ yard >P----- off I go buy a gorilla suit for 90 bucks and go to the end of the street where a old parking sign is loose >Rip it out with my gorilla strength and drag it through a trail to my friends back yard >Open his back door >Drag it in scratching the floor and s--- > Turn around and see his little sister looking at me >Flip her off and walk right out >Her parents came back home asking what happened >She told them a gorilla dragged a sign in Anonymous 02/18/13(Mon)03:39 No.1 76893716 □ Anonymous 02/18/13(Mon)03:40 No.176893739 [□Anonymous 02/18/13(Mon)03:42 No. 176394064画 >176893440 I want to live in your world >176893440 AAA+ post would witness again >>176893440 l can't remember the last I laughed so hard, I'm actually crying Anonymous 02/18/13(Mon)03:40 No.176893831 2176893440 dude pure justice. if anyone of my friends f----- up my yard with forks I'd kill them. That s---- hard to maintain without some D--- ruining the bed and roots
Anonymous 02/18/1 3(Mon)02:39 No.1 76886365 Replies: >>176886459 >> 176886568 try to sell stuff on cragislist put price get texts >"how much 4 product" CAN THESE PEOPLE NOT READ H-------- Anonymous 02/18/13(Mon)02:40 No.176886459 Replies: >>176892351 176886365 l tried to buy a gorilla suit and the guy said it was 100 in the title, 120 in the comments, and then when I asked him he said 90 dollars Anonymous 02/18/13(Mon)03:30 No. 176892351 Replies: 176892563 176886459 Why were you buving a gorilla suit? Anonymous 02/18/13(Mon)03:31 No.176892563 Replies: >>175892815 176892829 176892351 Because I dragged a parking sign into my friends house and I needed a disguise □ Anonymous 02/18/13(Mon)03:33 No.1 76892815 ] Replies: 2217689302822176893440 (6 KB, 256x192, image.jpg) >176892563 That just raises even more questions! File: 1361176407510 Anonymous 02/18/13(Mon)03:33 No.176892829 Replies: >176893440 >176892563 I wish I had the opportunity to witness some dude in a gorilla suit steal a parking sign Anonymous 02/18/13(Mon)03:38 No.176893440 Replies: >176893716 176B93739176893831 176894064 >>176892829 >>176892815 Well this is what happened >Friend buys 50 packs of plastic forks sGoes over to my house and sticks them all in my f------ yard >P----- off I go buy a gorilla suit for 90 bucks and go to the end of the street where a old parking sign is loose >Rip it out with my gorilla strength and drag it through a trail to my friends back yard >Open his back door >Drag it in scratching the floor and s--- > Turn around and see his little sister looking at me >Flip her off and walk right out >Her parents came back home asking what happened >She told them a gorilla dragged a sign in Anonymous 02/18/13(Mon)03:39 No.1 76893716 □ Anonymous 02/18/13(Mon)03:40 No.176893739 [□Anonymous 02/18/13(Mon)03:42 No. 176394064画 >176893440 I want to live in your world >176893440 AAA+ post would witness again >>176893440 l can't remember the last I laughed so hard, I'm actually crying Anonymous 02/18/13(Mon)03:40 No.176893831 2176893440 dude pure justice. if anyone of my friends f----- up my yard with forks I'd kill them. That s---- hard to maintain without some D--- ruining the bed and roots

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gorilla fork wat

Not what you were expecting, huh..?

口@ECHO 2 minutes ago No.5608601 41 >be me >be 15 go to cousins for sleep over >have 3 cousins >2 guys 1 girl >stay up late >play vidya watch movies >girl cousin says uncle has lots of extra beer She wont notice a few missimg coool >we get buzzed >younger guy cousin doesnt like beer goes to bed >other guy cousin gets phone call from qt3.14 and splits for a while >just me and girl cousin >drink 3-4 more while watching movie >cousin starts saying shes drunk >10 minutes later look over and shes crashed out find a blanket and cover her up >go to bed without molesting cousin because we have a stable family relationship and im not attracted to her
口@ECHO 2 minutes ago No.5608601 41 >be me >be 15 go to cousins for sleep over >have 3 cousins >2 guys 1 girl >stay up late >play vidya watch movies >girl cousin says uncle has lots of extra beer She wont notice a few missimg coool >we get buzzed >younger guy cousin doesnt like beer goes to bed >other guy cousin gets phone call from qt3.14 and splits for a while >just me and girl cousin >drink 3-4 more while watching movie >cousin starts saying shes drunk >10 minutes later look over and shes crashed out find a blanket and cover her up >go to bed without molesting cousin because we have a stable family relationship and im not attracted to her

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4chan greentext wholesome memes reversal cousin

Anon the hacker

File: 7IXz6ei.png (648 KB, 610x915) O Anonymous (ID: usiXD6Q) 06/06/14(Fri)17:30:27 No. 549923098 >be me world's greatest hacker >#1 on FBI's most wanted list >but they can't track me down because i always delete my browser history just got done hacking entire internet now every user in the world gets redirected to blackpeoplemeet.com sepic lulz one of my hackerbros messages tells me that 420-1337-h4x0r 420, my #1 hackerbro, has been arrested >they were able to backtrace his IP because he forgot to browse on incognito mode me on AIM word on the street is he's already ratted me out look out window >FBI helicopters circling overhead >hah! those bastards dont know who they're dealing with open up internet explorer get redirected to blackpeoplemeet.com >oh yeah, forgot about that run disableblackpeoplemeet.exe now it's time for some world class hackin go to fbi.gov/hack >f---, there's a password >something appears on the bottom right corner of my screen Sit's that goddamn talking paperclip S"it looks like you're trying to hack the FBI. would you like help?" >f--- off clippy, i'm trying to work here S"it looks like you're trying to hack the FBI. would you-" >click the little f----- just to make him shut up clippy gives me the pass guess he's not so bad after all now that i'm in, i go to fbi.gov/hack/helicopters "congratulations, hacker!" you now have full control of the FBI's helicopters! what would you like them to do?" >"A) turn left B) turn right C) ascend D) descend E) explode" go with option E BOOM, baby flaming helicopters fall from the sky mfw
File: 7IXz6ei.png (648 KB, 610x915) O Anonymous (ID: usiXD6Q) 06/06/14(Fri)17:30:27 No. 549923098 >be me world's greatest hacker >#1 on FBI's most wanted list >but they can't track me down because i always delete my browser history just got done hacking entire internet now every user in the world gets redirected to blackpeoplemeet.com sepic lulz one of my hackerbros messages tells me that 420-1337-h4x0r 420, my #1 hackerbro, has been arrested >they were able to backtrace his IP because he forgot to browse on incognito mode me on AIM word on the street is he's already ratted me out look out window >FBI helicopters circling overhead >hah! those bastards dont know who they're dealing with open up internet explorer get redirected to blackpeoplemeet.com >oh yeah, forgot about that run disableblackpeoplemeet.exe now it's time for some world class hackin go to fbi.gov/hack >f---, there's a password >something appears on the bottom right corner of my screen Sit's that goddamn talking paperclip S"it looks like you're trying to hack the FBI. would you like help?" >f--- off clippy, i'm trying to work here S"it looks like you're trying to hack the FBI. would you-" >click the little f----- just to make him shut up clippy gives me the pass guess he's not so bad after all now that i'm in, i go to fbi.gov/hack/helicopters "congratulations, hacker!" you now have full control of the FBI's helicopters! what would you like them to do?" >"A) turn left B) turn right C) ascend D) descend E) explode" go with option E BOOM, baby flaming helicopters fall from the sky mfw

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hacker 4chan greentext story incognito fbi helicopter

The Pooping Bandit Pt. 3

Anonymous (|D: 15lzLff) 02/18/14(Tue )01:58:29 UTC-6 No.533184776 Replies: 22533184939 22533184978 >the bandit is back >school starts >still trying to find my biggest target >want it to be perfect, won't be as fun to do once I graduate, goOutWithABang.jpg >1-2 months go by >l realize I need to get rid of my s--- buckets and piss gallons before they freeze for winte >target acquired: homecoming, now 2 weeks away >spend a whole weekend hatching a plan, I need to get in with the homecoming committee >what luck, friends are losers, of course one would be on the committee, we'll call this friend Ozgur start asking lots of questions about how the homecoming parade is set up, realize I already hit the summer parade last year, it'll have to be the football game >find out school play is the week after homecoming >new target manage to get on the set building team, access to the set, auditorium, without suspicion >perfect plan comes together spend a week of moving my s---, a bucket at a time, in to 2 small plastic tubs that I bought at a convenience store two towns over >s--- is now hidden over the auditorium, 5 buckets over the stage, piss and s--- mix in 2 plastic tubs over the audience 6 halfway through the second act comes, I'm finally ready sneak away from the set crew, climb ladder to ceiling srub s--- on myself so it's not obvious after it's done that I'm the one not covered in s--- >worth it >have the five buckets on a string, pull string as I tip both tubs over audience >obvious pandemonium >l tied a rope in the corner of the auditorium opposite to the ladder, principal sees me, goes to ladder >lol, unclefag, you'll never catch me >mfw I get away with it >mfw my uncle has s--- and piss on him and I got away with it >my family talks about this every year at reunions. I must laugh to myself >go down in internet and real life history >mfw 8 that's all for the biggest caper. got decent amount of smaller stories left over, but that's all for this one!
Anonymous (|D: 15lzLff) 02/18/14(Tue )01:58:29 UTC-6 No.533184776 Replies: 22533184939 22533184978 >the bandit is back >school starts >still trying to find my biggest target >want it to be perfect, won't be as fun to do once I graduate, goOutWithABang.jpg >1-2 months go by >l realize I need to get rid of my s--- buckets and piss gallons before they freeze for winte >target acquired: homecoming, now 2 weeks away >spend a whole weekend hatching a plan, I need to get in with the homecoming committee >what luck, friends are losers, of course one would be on the committee, we'll call this friend Ozgur start asking lots of questions about how the homecoming parade is set up, realize I already hit the summer parade last year, it'll have to be the football game >find out school play is the week after homecoming >new target manage to get on the set building team, access to the set, auditorium, without suspicion >perfect plan comes together spend a week of moving my s---, a bucket at a time, in to 2 small plastic tubs that I bought at a convenience store two towns over >s--- is now hidden over the auditorium, 5 buckets over the stage, piss and s--- mix in 2 plastic tubs over the audience 6 halfway through the second act comes, I'm finally ready sneak away from the set crew, climb ladder to ceiling srub s--- on myself so it's not obvious after it's done that I'm the one not covered in s--- >worth it >have the five buckets on a string, pull string as I tip both tubs over audience >obvious pandemonium >l tied a rope in the corner of the auditorium opposite to the ladder, principal sees me, goes to ladder >lol, unclefag, you'll never catch me >mfw I get away with it >mfw my uncle has s--- and piss on him and I got away with it >my family talks about this every year at reunions. I must laugh to myself >go down in internet and real life history >mfw 8 that's all for the biggest caper. got decent amount of smaller stories left over, but that's all for this one!

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The Pooping Bandit Pt. 2

Anonymous 01/15/14(Wed)16:16:50 UTC-6 No.527212616 Replies: >>527213453225272140192-5272152202252721594f File: 1389824210214.jpg-(44 KB, 720x480, original.jpg) >527205804 Okay folks sorry bout the long wait. Was in the middle of moving and switching jobs 2 months after Parade for Justice >Starting Grade 12 >School assembly on 1st day Cops and principle at assembly Inform school that there is a new school policy against 'vandalism" in any form >School beefed up security >new locks and doors everywhere >Principle announces cameras will be installed eventually break a sweat >PB is officially challenged week after assembly >PB is smart >PB joins the video club cause they have access to the future cameras >get a key to the school due to club >The Bowels start moving 2 weeks after joining club >case the new school plans >Start writing down plans in my little black book of sharts (bad idea) >Take bag of supplies to school in the cover of night >key makes it easy work my way into Video room Move massive cabinet away from wall >take out a small hand saw >cut hole in wall >Hole leads to school vent system room >Crawl my way in with small bag of justice >Find the vent that leads to Principles office >Dump justice in various places in vent >smell makes me nauseated >throw up adds to smell >make my way out >patch up hole for future use >move cabinet back walk over to principles offices a.k.a not PB's uncle eave sticky note >Tm back my old chum, Warm regards, the pooping bandit >clean up a bit more and leave NEXT MORNING >Teaching staff crowding around principles office >most are gagging from smelll > can't find source of smel >Principle uses a few air fresheners over the course of a week >mfw the whole week I will post the other few stories tomorrow as I am strapped for time at the moment. Light the beacon again tomorrow /b/rothers. PB away!
Anonymous 01/15/14(Wed)16:16:50 UTC-6 No.527212616 Replies: >>527213453225272140192-5272152202252721594f File: 1389824210214.jpg-(44 KB, 720x480, original.jpg) >527205804 Okay folks sorry bout the long wait. Was in the middle of moving and switching jobs 2 months after Parade for Justice >Starting Grade 12 >School assembly on 1st day Cops and principle at assembly Inform school that there is a new school policy against 'vandalism" in any form >School beefed up security >new locks and doors everywhere >Principle announces cameras will be installed eventually break a sweat >PB is officially challenged week after assembly >PB is smart >PB joins the video club cause they have access to the future cameras >get a key to the school due to club >The Bowels start moving 2 weeks after joining club >case the new school plans >Start writing down plans in my little black book of sharts (bad idea) >Take bag of supplies to school in the cover of night >key makes it easy work my way into Video room Move massive cabinet away from wall >take out a small hand saw >cut hole in wall >Hole leads to school vent system room >Crawl my way in with small bag of justice >Find the vent that leads to Principles office >Dump justice in various places in vent >smell makes me nauseated >throw up adds to smell >make my way out >patch up hole for future use >move cabinet back walk over to principles offices a.k.a not PB's uncle eave sticky note >Tm back my old chum, Warm regards, the pooping bandit >clean up a bit more and leave NEXT MORNING >Teaching staff crowding around principles office >most are gagging from smelll > can't find source of smel >Principle uses a few air fresheners over the course of a week >mfw the whole week I will post the other few stories tomorrow as I am strapped for time at the moment. Light the beacon again tomorrow /b/rothers. PB away!

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The Pooping Bandit Pt. 1

1287420842102 (438 KB, 1920 1200) gshenal ogis ind be grade 10 mid year 1 of my home room teachers doeant hat 2 weeks ater Bich -thinks I get away with hings too easy s reguiar me hard timi Cals me a litie s--- hal the tm -Get mad, decided to ruin his day Devise plan that I didn't know would grow into something more epic over the years one day 1st moming Breaksme expelled charged, possible jail time Start feeing bad Over hear students talking about how sick and crazy fall guy is plan can wait, name needs to be clearing now pull down pants and hover my ass over his lueury teachers chair push his chair back into desk -bell ring8 pooping bandit mode -sneak over to Principlas office again gives 10 minute lecture before sitting down fan pooping bandit instincts take over I had eyes widen, jumps up Class laughs class laughs for the whole day Warm mid clean up hear foot steps dont see d--- head for the rest of the day Pull up my hoodie and Kenny my face don't lnowwho th -seacher yeas and hands out surprise test mtw I fet proud being called the "pooping bandr m penched half way out the window More? it only get more epic from here jump out and run my ass to the woods bandt -still never Anonymous 11/29113(Fri)13:36:50 UTC-7 No.518648563 Rplies:51 48879 518849124 2 weeks ater s--- pants incident -dcx face teacher stll treats me ike sh 1 month after s--- hitting the fan notice he leaves his Coffee cup on his deak during lunch more oten Teacherng credin about pooping Door bursts open got the bathroom no one around realy surprised I jump up with the rest of the class to go see teachers already blocked off the area spooping bandtinstincts take over -manage to sqeece out three 4-5 inch babies with a pinch of rose on the top surprisingly it almost looks ike a bouquet of s--- s-camp out in my nexd dass, conveniently across d--- faces class saving this one for 2 daysr -Couldn't find out who the new bandit is odecide to one up his noob prank nd out the cafeeria food schedule and case the place head 2 towns over to a pharmacy to buy al the laxatives I can 0 minutes before Next lunch period -students from hallway start piling in d--- faces class to see my masterpiece ock face finally shows up stuif them down toilets to clog 1 do not ike lairs and lakes, warm regards, the pooping bandd lunch staff are having a smoke outside before lunch looks like a healthy meal todary with Justice served for dessert Jantorcomescho People start trying to Sgure out he identity of the notorious pooping bandit More? oleave and go back to class teacher didn't even notice I was gone unch bt unch roomtfor obvious Anonymous 1 128 1 3(Thu:09 03:59 UTC 8 No 518464270 l▼ 61 4 420 쯔51 464611 쯔51NN910 쯔51 4651ad 쯔61 467 1고 쯔51Ma 27-25184724 1 쯔 1 4 7 쑈 us -wees 4 1 month ater my lovely gih my food + the rice pudding iD9 realize Iucked mysef over naxt day -if you are the pooping bandt can you do Friend calls "did you hear what happened yesterday? ltie does he know Iheard the call for justice find said buity's locker pooping bandit mode aclivaled PB got half the schooll it was a f------ disaster! Try not to be a a------ naxt year, with very warm regards, "The pooping bandr dlean up, and leave school next day. locker clean out happens (cause last day of 5ch0 Hear gossip about my form of justice bully leaves school and is never seen all summer Janitoe that was the day the pooping bandt became a beacon of justice Grade 11 only gets more epic from here if you are in the crowd, please stop this behavior or you wil be yadda yadda biah biah pooping bandit has no uncle go over to principles ofice release Justice pellets plant祀 the neat pile I made and atach sicky note 1 am not afraid Challenge accepted. Warm regards, The pooping Bandr dlaan myaelt and leave through window cause of to many people out the door tels the school there wil be a reward for any into related to the incident mfw when things are just geting staned e at pep rally in Gym bandt Say they have him Gym doors bust open Guy wearing nothing but a black cape, bandana mask Tight shorts and rubber boots runs in Crowd goes crazy cheering the bandit gets chased away d sacks of horse justice outside town -Go back to the school in the cover of night letloose one bag of justice all over the shower area and tun on the showers use the other 3 justice filed bags for the lockers afind m0α bandits locker for the best parr sThat was quite the latering display at the rally. Dont let it happen again wth very warm regards. The pooping Bandi clean my self and leave BANDIT GOT THE JOCKSI find out school got closed due to extreme vandaism te pooping bandit reaches legendary status in School at this port Things start to gat more Chalenging from hare autica (50 KB, 505720)gaa8 Ladh sshental he heads to the principles cffice and isn't heard from for the rest of the day You have done me a great service, you gat one favor, with warm regards the PB walking down the road 1F YOURE THEREI HIT THAT ltle shocked how fast he responded but okay Find out he's going through a bad break up with said gi Have bucket Ive been s------- in all week in back yard notice one of the windows open on the 2nd foor put on some rubber oloves and start making bail with the rest of my paint day over hear her Best friends saing a sht bail landing on the bad and rolled onto the foor -lol I have lots of Pooping Bandttales up une last year, aimost got caught..but for now I thinki wil stop right there and continue he sapa another day if I am summoned once again.
1287420842102 (438 KB, 1920 1200) gshenal ogis ind be grade 10 mid year 1 of my home room teachers doeant hat 2 weeks ater Bich -thinks I get away with hings too easy s reguiar me hard timi Cals me a litie s--- hal the tm -Get mad, decided to ruin his day Devise plan that I didn't know would grow into something more epic over the years one day 1st moming Breaksme expelled charged, possible jail time Start feeing bad Over hear students talking about how sick and crazy fall guy is plan can wait, name needs to be clearing now pull down pants and hover my ass over his lueury teachers chair push his chair back into desk -bell ring8 pooping bandit mode -sneak over to Principlas office again gives 10 minute lecture before sitting down fan pooping bandit instincts take over I had eyes widen, jumps up Class laughs class laughs for the whole day Warm mid clean up hear foot steps dont see d--- head for the rest of the day Pull up my hoodie and Kenny my face don't lnowwho th -seacher yeas and hands out surprise test mtw I fet proud being called the "pooping bandr m penched half way out the window More? it only get more epic from here jump out and run my ass to the woods bandt -still never Anonymous 11/29113(Fri)13:36:50 UTC-7 No.518648563 Rplies:51 48879 518849124 2 weeks ater s--- pants incident -dcx face teacher stll treats me ike sh 1 month after s--- hitting the fan notice he leaves his Coffee cup on his deak during lunch more oten Teacherng credin about pooping Door bursts open got the bathroom no one around realy surprised I jump up with the rest of the class to go see teachers already blocked off the area spooping bandtinstincts take over -manage to sqeece out three 4-5 inch babies with a pinch of rose on the top surprisingly it almost looks ike a bouquet of s--- s-camp out in my nexd dass, conveniently across d--- faces class saving this one for 2 daysr -Couldn't find out who the new bandit is odecide to one up his noob prank nd out the cafeeria food schedule and case the place head 2 towns over to a pharmacy to buy al the laxatives I can 0 minutes before Next lunch period -students from hallway start piling in d--- faces class to see my masterpiece ock face finally shows up stuif them down toilets to clog 1 do not ike lairs and lakes, warm regards, the pooping bandd lunch staff are having a smoke outside before lunch looks like a healthy meal todary with Justice served for dessert Jantorcomescho People start trying to Sgure out he identity of the notorious pooping bandit More? oleave and go back to class teacher didn't even notice I was gone unch bt unch roomtfor obvious Anonymous 1 128 1 3(Thu:09 03:59 UTC 8 No 518464270 l▼ 61 4 420 쯔51 464611 쯔51NN910 쯔51 4651ad 쯔61 467 1고 쯔51Ma 27-25184724 1 쯔 1 4 7 쑈 us -wees 4 1 month ater my lovely gih my food + the rice pudding iD9 realize Iucked mysef over naxt day -if you are the pooping bandt can you do Friend calls "did you hear what happened yesterday? ltie does he know Iheard the call for justice find said buity's locker pooping bandit mode aclivaled PB got half the schooll it was a f------ disaster! Try not to be a a------ naxt year, with very warm regards, "The pooping bandr dlean up, and leave school next day. locker clean out happens (cause last day of 5ch0 Hear gossip about my form of justice bully leaves school and is never seen all summer Janitoe that was the day the pooping bandt became a beacon of justice Grade 11 only gets more epic from here if you are in the crowd, please stop this behavior or you wil be yadda yadda biah biah pooping bandit has no uncle go over to principles ofice release Justice pellets plant祀 the neat pile I made and atach sicky note 1 am not afraid Challenge accepted. Warm regards, The pooping Bandr dlaan myaelt and leave through window cause of to many people out the door tels the school there wil be a reward for any into related to the incident mfw when things are just geting staned e at pep rally in Gym bandt Say they have him Gym doors bust open Guy wearing nothing but a black cape, bandana mask Tight shorts and rubber boots runs in Crowd goes crazy cheering the bandit gets chased away d sacks of horse justice outside town -Go back to the school in the cover of night letloose one bag of justice all over the shower area and tun on the showers use the other 3 justice filed bags for the lockers afind m0α bandits locker for the best parr sThat was quite the latering display at the rally. Dont let it happen again wth very warm regards. The pooping Bandi clean my self and leave BANDIT GOT THE JOCKSI find out school got closed due to extreme vandaism te pooping bandit reaches legendary status in School at this port Things start to gat more Chalenging from hare autica (50 KB, 505720)gaa8 Ladh sshental he heads to the principles cffice and isn't heard from for the rest of the day You have done me a great service, you gat one favor, with warm regards the PB walking down the road 1F YOURE THEREI HIT THAT ltle shocked how fast he responded but okay Find out he's going through a bad break up with said gi Have bucket Ive been s------- in all week in back yard notice one of the windows open on the 2nd foor put on some rubber oloves and start making bail with the rest of my paint day over hear her Best friends saing a sht bail landing on the bad and rolled onto the foor -lol I have lots of Pooping Bandttales up une last year, aimost got caught..but for now I thinki wil stop right there and continue he sapa another day if I am summoned once again.

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MUH ELEPHANTS

File e: 1444306652339.03 43 84 xB. 50018. 125 >Be soldier under Hannibal during second Punic wars PHe's a good peneral, really. Just has one fault >F------ elephants MUH ELEPHANTS THIS, MUH ELEPHANTS THAT Start out in Spain, do prety we >Come to the f------ Alps >And I thought the Pyrenees were bad -Hannibal wants to cross them With the tucking elephants suwotm8.scroll -actually cross the alps >Arrive in Italy, me half-dead, most of my buddies completely dead -Hannibal gives an encouraging speech: Although we suffered dearly, we at least... -still have elephants ulookingwotm3.scroll -Eventually get to ight the Romans >"Elephant is confused (and drunk) T tramples the Carthaginians instead of the Romans in confusion 가ave to hide in a f------ swamp where we cant rest Last ofthe elephants die, Hannibal is stricken with grief Later come to some place with Cannae >No elephants left, promptly crush the Roman army Romans s------- themselves, start screaming Hannibal ante portas" (means "Hannibal is out of elephants, I think). Could steamroll all the way to f------ room But Hannibal decides to wait for reinforcements. >Reinforcements of elephants -Now stuck in Italy. Romans keep trolling us but never really attack >Hannibal eventually is recalled to Car仇age after the Romans invade Africa *To make a last stand againsthe Romans, Hannibal is given charge over the Carthaginian defenders .. and 80 elephants > Unsurprisingly, the Romans gain a crushing victory, Carthage is defeated > Through some cruel fate, Hannibal survives and prompby becomes a magistrate ater the war is over Makes some ambitious reforms, but then drives both the Romans and even more Carthaginians against him when he tries to buy himself a few elephants with the tax money he was supposed to give the Romans as part of the war debt >Goes into voluntarily exile And chooses me as his man-servant -Hannibal first goes to Carthago's mother city, Tyre >Antioch us Ⅲ actually recen es him, party out of pr y, party because he also hated he Romans and planned o go to war with them -Hannibal fervently offers to lead a landing force into southern Italy Antiochus almost agrees to that plan untl his courters tell him Hannibal planned to bolster that landing force with mighty elephants Hannibal is handed around the vanious Kingdoms of Asia minor like some sort of a bad-luck charm Never stays for to long in one place because he annoys local rulers with his constant babbling about certain grey-skinned mammals. >They eventually get so mad at him that they threaten to hand him over to the Romans >For once in his life, Hannibal does something right and commits suicide by poisorn -Later historians would romanticize his entre career and death, claiming that his last worlds were some sarcastic comment about how much the Romans hated him >His last words actually were an ongoing rant on how he could have won the second Punic war if the Oligarchy at home had actually sent him his f------ you-know-whats
File e: 1444306652339.03 43 84 xB. 50018. 125 >Be soldier under Hannibal during second Punic wars PHe's a good peneral, really. Just has one fault >F------ elephants MUH ELEPHANTS THIS, MUH ELEPHANTS THAT Start out in Spain, do prety we >Come to the f------ Alps >And I thought the Pyrenees were bad -Hannibal wants to cross them With the tucking elephants suwotm8.scroll -actually cross the alps >Arrive in Italy, me half-dead, most of my buddies completely dead -Hannibal gives an encouraging speech: Although we suffered dearly, we at least... -still have elephants ulookingwotm3.scroll -Eventually get to ight the Romans >"Elephant is confused (and drunk) T tramples the Carthaginians instead of the Romans in confusion 가ave to hide in a f------ swamp where we cant rest Last ofthe elephants die, Hannibal is stricken with grief Later come to some place with Cannae >No elephants left, promptly crush the Roman army Romans s------- themselves, start screaming Hannibal ante portas" (means "Hannibal is out of elephants, I think). Could steamroll all the way to f------ room But Hannibal decides to wait for reinforcements. >Reinforcements of elephants -Now stuck in Italy. Romans keep trolling us but never really attack >Hannibal eventually is recalled to Car仇age after the Romans invade Africa *To make a last stand againsthe Romans, Hannibal is given charge over the Carthaginian defenders .. and 80 elephants > Unsurprisingly, the Romans gain a crushing victory, Carthage is defeated > Through some cruel fate, Hannibal survives and prompby becomes a magistrate ater the war is over Makes some ambitious reforms, but then drives both the Romans and even more Carthaginians against him when he tries to buy himself a few elephants with the tax money he was supposed to give the Romans as part of the war debt >Goes into voluntarily exile And chooses me as his man-servant -Hannibal first goes to Carthago's mother city, Tyre >Antioch us Ⅲ actually recen es him, party out of pr y, party because he also hated he Romans and planned o go to war with them -Hannibal fervently offers to lead a landing force into southern Italy Antiochus almost agrees to that plan untl his courters tell him Hannibal planned to bolster that landing force with mighty elephants Hannibal is handed around the vanious Kingdoms of Asia minor like some sort of a bad-luck charm Never stays for to long in one place because he annoys local rulers with his constant babbling about certain grey-skinned mammals. >They eventually get so mad at him that they threaten to hand him over to the Romans >For once in his life, Hannibal does something right and commits suicide by poisorn -Later historians would romanticize his entre career and death, claiming that his last worlds were some sarcastic comment about how much the Romans hated him >His last words actually were an ongoing rant on how he could have won the second Punic war if the Oligarchy at home had actually sent him his f------ you-know-whats

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