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New years tendies

New year, new me Anonymous 12/31/17(Sun)14:57:31 No.42171084 >watching adult swim in my play room >mommy comes in with a grin >"hey anon, have you heard about this fun new challenge? >fun? i like fun >"its called new year, new me, its when you change for good >it is a challenge? never lose a challenge only normies lose a smug grin grows on my face I will show them, i can change New vear, new me >next day >mum: "anon! wake up! it is time for your "tendies >"mother, i do not want "tendies" I want chicken tenders "anon! whats with the new act?" >new vear, new me >she smiles and gets me tendies and apple juice in a fancy cup >weirdest cup ive seen >i think thats mommy's wine cup >"you know anon, we should celebrate this new year! I'll call chad" >RE- "splendid" i say >Chad comes over "so.. me and chad have a surprise.." surprises? i like surprises >"We are getting married!" >Say "fantastic >chad gets a strange look on his face >Chad:"whats with anon's act? >mommy just laughs and says "new year, new him >chad bursts out laughing and clapping >"T knew he had to grow up at some point, like the time he called tenders "tendies" >THIS NORM >"well, that sure was immature of me "AND THAT TIME WHEN HE WORE ADULT DIAPERS" > "chadford thats enoug "AND REMEMBER WHEN HE USED GOOD BOY POINT- >Take off all my clothes except my diaper that is now full >IM PICKLE REEEEEEEEEEE >Punch chad >"ANON, CALM DOWN SHE >JUST TOLD >ME >TO >CALM DOWN >Punch mommy with a force of 100 elephants >mommy flies and makes a big hole in the wall >mommy will have to fix that up >Chad is escaping >grab table cloth >TEBURUKUROSU LASSOORRUUUUU Reel chad in >"CHADDY YOU HAVE BEEN BADDY YOU CANNOT BE NEW DADDY >Stuff fire crackers in chad's mouth finish it off with my full diaper throw him out the window >chad's head explodes later >mommy wakes up in the hospital "a-anon?" >smile ean in closer >whisper "its time for tendies
New year, new me Anonymous 12/31/17(Sun)14:57:31 No.42171084 >watching adult swim in my play room >mommy comes in with a grin >"hey anon, have you heard about this fun new challenge? >fun? i like fun >"its called new year, new me, its when you change for good >it is a challenge? never lose a challenge only normies lose a smug grin grows on my face I will show them, i can change New vear, new me >next day >mum: "anon! wake up! it is time for your "tendies >"mother, i do not want "tendies" I want chicken tenders "anon! whats with the new act?" >new vear, new me >she smiles and gets me tendies and apple juice in a fancy cup >weirdest cup ive seen >i think thats mommy's wine cup >"you know anon, we should celebrate this new year! I'll call chad" >RE- "splendid" i say >Chad comes over "so.. me and chad have a surprise.." surprises? i like surprises >"We are getting married!" >Say "fantastic >chad gets a strange look on his face >Chad:"whats with anon's act? >mommy just laughs and says "new year, new him >chad bursts out laughing and clapping >"T knew he had to grow up at some point, like the time he called tenders "tendies" >THIS NORM >"well, that sure was immature of me "AND THAT TIME WHEN HE WORE ADULT DIAPERS" > "chadford thats enoug "AND REMEMBER WHEN HE USED GOOD BOY POINT- >Take off all my clothes except my diaper that is now full >IM PICKLE REEEEEEEEEEE >Punch chad >"ANON, CALM DOWN SHE >JUST TOLD >ME >TO >CALM DOWN >Punch mommy with a force of 100 elephants >mommy flies and makes a big hole in the wall >mommy will have to fix that up >Chad is escaping >grab table cloth >TEBURUKUROSU LASSOORRUUUUU Reel chad in >"CHADDY YOU HAVE BEEN BADDY YOU CANNOT BE NEW DADDY >Stuff fire crackers in chad's mouth finish it off with my full diaper throw him out the window >chad's head explodes later >mommy wakes up in the hospital "a-anon?" >smile ean in closer >whisper "its time for tendies

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tendies greentext 15secondstories

Way of the Thrown Orc Shlong

>Be me >Playing second ever campaign with 3 other people (Dm 1 edgy elf rogue 1 dwarf druid) >I'm playing as a monk >Weaboo af >Some noble tells us to help a village in the mountains >Party goes "sure, why not" as we don't wanna f--- up DM's quest line >We arrive to the village and it's almost empty except for two orcs and a few scared (human) villagers Turns out a nearby orc tribe has kidnapped all the women and killed all the men >eeh...ok.gif >We arrive at orc camp, kill all the orcs Out steps the orc war boss, and at this point we're all at low HP >guesswe'lldie.jpeg War boss goes straight for edgy rogue (who is squishy af) >Is too far away for melee so decide to act quickly >Cut off the d--- of one of his fallen orc comrades and throws it at him DM says he'll allow it but it doesn't count as a ranged weapon (but i think "hey, at least it might aggro him on me instead of squishy rogue") >Whole party in suspense as i roll dice >NAT F------ 20 >Monk character reaches maximum enlightenment, discovers new monastic tradition: way of the thrown penis >The orc d--- lands directly in his mouth One last orc who was apparently on patrol walks in and sees his boss with a cut off d--- in his mouth >He is so ashamed of his boss, he helps us take him down >Slightly homophobic orc becomes new team-member (played by DM) >After this glorious victory we rescue the women Apparently the orcs were using them as breeding animals to get half-orc warriors to fight off a goblin invasion or some s--- >We were supposed to be shocked, but we were still laughing from my epic d----throw >That moment when DM tries his best to create a serious dark campaign and it's all ruined by an orc d--- and a weaboo monk
>Be me >Playing second ever campaign with 3 other people (Dm 1 edgy elf rogue 1 dwarf druid) >I'm playing as a monk >Weaboo af >Some noble tells us to help a village in the mountains >Party goes "sure, why not" as we don't wanna f--- up DM's quest line >We arrive to the village and it's almost empty except for two orcs and a few scared (human) villagers Turns out a nearby orc tribe has kidnapped all the women and killed all the men >eeh...ok.gif >We arrive at orc camp, kill all the orcs Out steps the orc war boss, and at this point we're all at low HP >guesswe'lldie.jpeg War boss goes straight for edgy rogue (who is squishy af) >Is too far away for melee so decide to act quickly >Cut off the d--- of one of his fallen orc comrades and throws it at him DM says he'll allow it but it doesn't count as a ranged weapon (but i think "hey, at least it might aggro him on me instead of squishy rogue") >Whole party in suspense as i roll dice >NAT F------ 20 >Monk character reaches maximum enlightenment, discovers new monastic tradition: way of the thrown penis >The orc d--- lands directly in his mouth One last orc who was apparently on patrol walks in and sees his boss with a cut off d--- in his mouth >He is so ashamed of his boss, he helps us take him down >Slightly homophobic orc becomes new team-member (played by DM) >After this glorious victory we rescue the women Apparently the orcs were using them as breeding animals to get half-orc warriors to fight off a goblin invasion or some s--- >We were supposed to be shocked, but we were still laughing from my epic d----throw >That moment when DM tries his best to create a serious dark campaign and it's all ruined by an orc d--- and a weaboo monk

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d&d orc monk weeaboo way of the thrown penis

Local Japanese Man Takes The Train

Anonymous 04/26/17(Wed)21:50:52 No. 175139328 ->>175139418 >>175139475 175138640 be a grumpy depressed japanese salaryman going to work Poh boy, here's the train, the start of your daily hell, the izuhakone... happy party train? the cars are covered in anime idols staring at you smiling, arms stretched out begging for a hug disgusting get inside, hoping to be free of that shameful trash the inside is also lined with anime the seats are covered in anime there's anime hanging from the ceiling half the passengers are wearing robes adorned with the likenesses of anime characters >kuso actually manage to grab a seat, just because one of the otaku thought you were scary looking Phear 'hagul as soon as you sit down a pair of robotic arms fly out from the seat and gently rest on your torso lifelike texture otaku and a few rail staff turn towards you and start clapping Sooooh, one millionth passenger!" "kanan gave him a hug! lucky bastard" "i want a hug from kanan" stand up in disgust f------ suwa nanaka makes her way through the crowd and gives you the biggest hug her underdeveloped eternal loli body can muster and tells you to have a nice day you do not have a nice day your country, your beautiful country, is gone you work to support your family so they can live in this place? take a smoke break at work and jump off the roof
Anonymous 04/26/17(Wed)21:50:52 No. 175139328 ->>175139418 >>175139475 175138640 be a grumpy depressed japanese salaryman going to work Poh boy, here's the train, the start of your daily hell, the izuhakone... happy party train? the cars are covered in anime idols staring at you smiling, arms stretched out begging for a hug disgusting get inside, hoping to be free of that shameful trash the inside is also lined with anime the seats are covered in anime there's anime hanging from the ceiling half the passengers are wearing robes adorned with the likenesses of anime characters >kuso actually manage to grab a seat, just because one of the otaku thought you were scary looking Phear 'hagul as soon as you sit down a pair of robotic arms fly out from the seat and gently rest on your torso lifelike texture otaku and a few rail staff turn towards you and start clapping Sooooh, one millionth passenger!" "kanan gave him a hug! lucky bastard" "i want a hug from kanan" stand up in disgust f------ suwa nanaka makes her way through the crowd and gives you the biggest hug her underdeveloped eternal loli body can muster and tells you to have a nice day you do not have a nice day your country, your beautiful country, is gone you work to support your family so they can live in this place? take a smoke break at work and jump off the roof

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japan anime suwa nananka love live

Welp. You gotta figure out that one for yourself anon

Anonymous 12/24/17(Sun)19:15:01 No.754797723 no social media only go on reddit and 4chan >I hate reddit >4chan hates me どehh . 18 KB PNG
Anonymous 12/24/17(Sun)19:15:01 No.754797723 no social media only go on reddit and 4chan >I hate reddit >4chan hates me どehh . 18 KB PNG

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social media reddit 4chan pepe no credit to anon

anon finds happiness

296970883 childhood best >Have lifelong childhood best friend who is a girl >We swear 1 00% never to be boyfriend and girlfriend >Come 18 we're f------ like rabbits >Married her at 25 >>96983342 # Anonymous 11/22/17(Wed)15:10:37 No.9698334 >>96978978 # How does happiness feel anon? Care to share it with us?
296970883 childhood best >Have lifelong childhood best friend who is a girl >We swear 1 00% never to be boyfriend and girlfriend >Come 18 we're f------ like rabbits >Married her at 25 >>96983342 # Anonymous 11/22/17(Wed)15:10:37 No.9698334 >>96978978 # How does happiness feel anon? Care to share it with us?

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childhood friends happiness no credit to anon green text stories

D&D Betrayal

□ Anonymous 11/25/14(Tue)18:28:53 No.5853006 >>5853020 >>5857450 >>5859006 1381741170733.png (27 KB, 144x161) google igdb saucenao igdb regex I'M NOT 5851751 SURE WHAT'S >Be concubine character >High bluff but very basic combat skills and nothing for utility >Supposed to be high level campaign but I'm adamant this is who I want to go with GOING ON, BUT MY A------ IS>Have to be carried through every fight basically, party thoroughly annoyed IN DANGER! Finally make it to dark lord's fortress >Betray party and announce I love the dark lord and will do anything for him >Party locked in dungeon while dark lord and me have wedding ceremony >We retire to his chambers to consummate, at this point party telling me and DM to stop this is f------ stupid they just want to D&D not bear witness to our ERP >The dark lord turns his back on us and I reveal myself >Concubine opens her legs and epic level halfling rogue slides out of her ass >This was my true character all along rg/srdie skills.htm#extremelyTightSpa >l've been rolling to stay hidden up her ass the entire campaign to get close enough to the dark lord to assassinate him >Concubine is just a hired NPC that DM agreed probably had an a--- circumference of more than 2 inches and was willing to let it slide >One last roll >With his legendary armour removed and his back turned he never sees me coming >Shoot up there like a flash before he even knows what's happening >Destroy him from the inside like a whirling dervish >Free party from dungeons and clean up the rest of his minions >Entire group is speechless and that was how I saved the l and
□ Anonymous 11/25/14(Tue)18:28:53 No.5853006 >>5853020 >>5857450 >>5859006 1381741170733.png (27 KB, 144x161) google igdb saucenao igdb regex I'M NOT 5851751 SURE WHAT'S >Be concubine character >High bluff but very basic combat skills and nothing for utility >Supposed to be high level campaign but I'm adamant this is who I want to go with GOING ON, BUT MY A------ IS>Have to be carried through every fight basically, party thoroughly annoyed IN DANGER! Finally make it to dark lord's fortress >Betray party and announce I love the dark lord and will do anything for him >Party locked in dungeon while dark lord and me have wedding ceremony >We retire to his chambers to consummate, at this point party telling me and DM to stop this is f------ stupid they just want to D&D not bear witness to our ERP >The dark lord turns his back on us and I reveal myself >Concubine opens her legs and epic level halfling rogue slides out of her ass >This was my true character all along rg/srdie skills.htm#extremelyTightSpa >l've been rolling to stay hidden up her ass the entire campaign to get close enough to the dark lord to assassinate him >Concubine is just a hired NPC that DM agreed probably had an a--- circumference of more than 2 inches and was willing to let it slide >One last roll >With his legendary armour removed and his back turned he never sees me coming >Shoot up there like a flash before he even knows what's happening >Destroy him from the inside like a whirling dervish >Free party from dungeons and clean up the rest of his minions >Entire group is speechless and that was how I saved the l and

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dungeons dragons halfling rogue

[cue "Sounds of Silence"]

Anonymous 12/16/17(Sat)00:03:13 No.97512319 2297510521 # Girl asked me out for a coffee yesterday >"I don't drink coffee" >"Well, you don't have to 36 KB JPG get any" >"What, and just watch you drink coffee for 15 minutes?" Why do l do this to myself # >>97516945 # >>97529252 # >297544102 # >>97545596 # >297545645 # >>97550152 # >>97559084 >7
Anonymous 12/16/17(Sat)00:03:13 No.97512319 2297510521 # Girl asked me out for a coffee yesterday >"I don't drink coffee" >"Well, you don't have to 36 KB JPG get any" >"What, and just watch you drink coffee for 15 minutes?" Why do l do this to myself # >>97516945 # >>97529252 # >297544102 # >>97545596 # >297545645 # >>97550152 # >>97559084 >7

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green text stories wojak no credit to anon

Burn

12/06/17(Wed)22:41:21 No. 152315696 fire.jpg 364 KB JPG >> 152305387 (OP) # 1920 >be californian >get duped into buying Australian eucalyptus trees plant thousands of acres >Australians forget to mention it takes at least 100 years for the trees to mature >thousands of investors go broke >2017 >100 years later eucalyptus trees have spread everywhere and have finally matured >Australians also forgot to mention the trees produce a highly flammable toxic oil that builds up in the tree california burns down
12/06/17(Wed)22:41:21 No. 152315696 fire.jpg 364 KB JPG >> 152305387 (OP) # 1920 >be californian >get duped into buying Australian eucalyptus trees plant thousands of acres >Australians forget to mention it takes at least 100 years for the trees to mature >thousands of investors go broke >2017 >100 years later eucalyptus trees have spread everywhere and have finally matured >Australians also forgot to mention the trees produce a highly flammable toxic oil that builds up in the tree california burns down

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green text stories mrfeelswildride eucalyptus

This is the future that sjw want.

File: faminisum.ipg (34 KB, 560x330) Anonymous 12/04/17 (Mon)13:53:05 No.752885998 [Reply752886712 The year is 2020… >Be me >Arrive at campus >Go through mandated privilege checkpoint >"State your privilege" >Um... white? And um >I'm cut off and immediately sent to the back of the line because it's not fair I got in line before other races of people >After an hour of being sent to the back of the line l can finally go to class > Teacher tells us to open our books but I don't have one because I'm white and that would give me an unfair privilege over others >She asks a question >No one responds >Hey I know this! >l raise my hand >Yes anon go to the gender neutral bathroom >"Uh... no I um... wanted to answer the question. >I'm met by several gasps and all of the black kids turn and look at me ANON YOU KNOW YOU"RE SUPPOSE TO CHECK YOUR PRIVILEGE AND ALLOW EVERYONE ELSE TO ANSWER FIRST! >She sends me to the mandated privilege office where I receive a strike > "Now stay out of trouble anon." >"Uh yea thank you ma'am "DID YOU JUST ASSUME MY GENDER >I'm given two more strikes and expelled >I walk outside devastated.. but I see a pretty girl >l walk up "um hi im an.. >YOU DIDNT ANNOUNCE YOUR PRESENCE AND ASK CONSENT R--- R--- >She screams and campus security tackles me >I'm tried amongst the high courts (all women men aren't allowed to work in legal system) > "How does the defendant plea." >GUILTY." My lawyer screeches >fuckingwhat.jpeg Uh no I don't?" >The judge in a rage "ARE YOU MANSPLAINING TO HER >They send me immediately to a death camp where I'm given a number and given the choice of castration and emasculation or death >We are a lined up and marched into the gas chamber >I glance at the man to my side >"What are you in for dude?" >Did you just assume my gender?" >The gas nozzles flick on >Mfw
File: faminisum.ipg (34 KB, 560x330) Anonymous 12/04/17 (Mon)13:53:05 No.752885998 [Reply752886712 The year is 2020… >Be me >Arrive at campus >Go through mandated privilege checkpoint >"State your privilege" >Um... white? And um >I'm cut off and immediately sent to the back of the line because it's not fair I got in line before other races of people >After an hour of being sent to the back of the line l can finally go to class > Teacher tells us to open our books but I don't have one because I'm white and that would give me an unfair privilege over others >She asks a question >No one responds >Hey I know this! >l raise my hand >Yes anon go to the gender neutral bathroom >"Uh... no I um... wanted to answer the question. >I'm met by several gasps and all of the black kids turn and look at me ANON YOU KNOW YOU"RE SUPPOSE TO CHECK YOUR PRIVILEGE AND ALLOW EVERYONE ELSE TO ANSWER FIRST! >She sends me to the mandated privilege office where I receive a strike > "Now stay out of trouble anon." >"Uh yea thank you ma'am "DID YOU JUST ASSUME MY GENDER >I'm given two more strikes and expelled >I walk outside devastated.. but I see a pretty girl >l walk up "um hi im an.. >YOU DIDNT ANNOUNCE YOUR PRESENCE AND ASK CONSENT R--- R--- >She screams and campus security tackles me >I'm tried amongst the high courts (all women men aren't allowed to work in legal system) > "How does the defendant plea." >GUILTY." My lawyer screeches >fuckingwhat.jpeg Uh no I don't?" >The judge in a rage "ARE YOU MANSPLAINING TO HER >They send me immediately to a death camp where I'm given a number and given the choice of castration and emasculation or death >We are a lined up and marched into the gas chamber >I glance at the man to my side >"What are you in for dude?" >Did you just assume my gender?" >The gas nozzles flick on >Mfw

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Anon's childhood.

>be me when I was like 13 grew up kinda poor, but my family had a lot of land (like 15-20 acres) l was really fascinated with military entrenchment and engineering for some reason parents ask me what I want for my birthday I tell them a nice shovel birthday comes around and my dad was able to find an actual WWIl German e-tool ask them if I can dig a hole I'm out all day from before sunrise to after sunset come back to the house dirty as f--- >"Did you dig to China or what?" they come out and look what I've done I've successfully dug about 50 yards of an underground g---- style tunnel network reinforced it with timber from the nearby burn pile >mom starts flipping out, what if it collapsed, what if I got sick what if I got lost etc etc >aaa promises τ。go aown ana see if it's safe "Honey.... this is kinda cool. dad and I spend the next couple weekends adding to my tunnel network we would play "tunnel rat" where one of us was a VC and the other was a Gl and we had to clear out or defend the command post" at the center with our nerf pistols always came out at the end of the day completely filthy and had a cup of hot chocolate in the kitchen, mom didn't seem to like that as much as we did haha Dad just died about a year back. Today would have bee his 65th birthday if it weren't for the car accident. Him and mom never had the money to give me shiny toys or the best education money could buy, but he always gave me his time. Me and mom miss you, dad
>be me when I was like 13 grew up kinda poor, but my family had a lot of land (like 15-20 acres) l was really fascinated with military entrenchment and engineering for some reason parents ask me what I want for my birthday I tell them a nice shovel birthday comes around and my dad was able to find an actual WWIl German e-tool ask them if I can dig a hole I'm out all day from before sunrise to after sunset come back to the house dirty as f--- >"Did you dig to China or what?" they come out and look what I've done I've successfully dug about 50 yards of an underground g---- style tunnel network reinforced it with timber from the nearby burn pile >mom starts flipping out, what if it collapsed, what if I got sick what if I got lost etc etc >aaa promises τ。go aown ana see if it's safe "Honey.... this is kinda cool. dad and I spend the next couple weekends adding to my tunnel network we would play "tunnel rat" where one of us was a VC and the other was a Gl and we had to clear out or defend the command post" at the center with our nerf pistols always came out at the end of the day completely filthy and had a cup of hot chocolate in the kitchen, mom didn't seem to like that as much as we did haha Dad just died about a year back. Today would have bee his 65th birthday if it weren't for the car accident. Him and mom never had the money to give me shiny toys or the best education money could buy, but he always gave me his time. Me and mom miss you, dad

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Game of Throner

Anonymous 07/26/17(Wed)16:38:37 No.85481697 File: 1402734441962.ipg (95 KB, 500x514) >-85482338 >>85483846 >-85483911 >>85484389 >Finish watching a Game of Thrones decide to go to movie theater >dress in my furs, boiled leather, and hauberk, befitting my status as a Northman fill my pockets with roasted capon, and Frey pie, in case i get hungry bring a skin of wine smy mom drives me to the theater, but I pretend she's a destrier since Ned Stark's mom never drove him >get in line to get my ticket >speak in a clear and proud Northman voice >the smallfolk distributing tickets clearly respect me, "Theater 3, ok?" >"The North remembers!" >witness what appears to be a Summer Islander accosting a fair maid realize she will reward me with her maidenhood for helping >"Summer Islander, leave that chaste maid be. Are you of Jalabhar Xho's tribe?" >he looks at me confused: "Yo wat dis cracka talkin bout?" >"You look strange without your feather-cloak, Summer Islander. Leave us." stry to keep up a brave face, but realize the pie and capon have leaked out of my pockets and are overflowing from my sweatpants >"Yo dis cracka s--- hisself!" >Other Summer Islanders suddenly surround me Begin some sort of dance from their native isles, chanting "Woop there it is!" >Not sure what IT is, I attempt to escape and summon my bannermen >my cape gets caught on the door >slam my head and wake up in an ambulance >my mom is giving me a frustrated look: "No more watching Game of Thrones, Anon." >"It is known, mother."
Anonymous 07/26/17(Wed)16:38:37 No.85481697 File: 1402734441962.ipg (95 KB, 500x514) >-85482338 >>85483846 >-85483911 >>85484389 >Finish watching a Game of Thrones decide to go to movie theater >dress in my furs, boiled leather, and hauberk, befitting my status as a Northman fill my pockets with roasted capon, and Frey pie, in case i get hungry bring a skin of wine smy mom drives me to the theater, but I pretend she's a destrier since Ned Stark's mom never drove him >get in line to get my ticket >speak in a clear and proud Northman voice >the smallfolk distributing tickets clearly respect me, "Theater 3, ok?" >"The North remembers!" >witness what appears to be a Summer Islander accosting a fair maid realize she will reward me with her maidenhood for helping >"Summer Islander, leave that chaste maid be. Are you of Jalabhar Xho's tribe?" >he looks at me confused: "Yo wat dis cracka talkin bout?" >"You look strange without your feather-cloak, Summer Islander. Leave us." stry to keep up a brave face, but realize the pie and capon have leaked out of my pockets and are overflowing from my sweatpants >"Yo dis cracka s--- hisself!" >Other Summer Islanders suddenly surround me Begin some sort of dance from their native isles, chanting "Woop there it is!" >Not sure what IT is, I attempt to escape and summon my bannermen >my cape gets caught on the door >slam my head and wake up in an ambulance >my mom is giving me a frustrated look: "No more watching Game of Thrones, Anon." >"It is known, mother."

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Pleb

Anonymous (ID: IXc+Yxye) 12/01/12(Sat)20:40:42 No.440 File: 1354412442816.jpg-(244 KB, 677x782, Pleb.jpg) ITT: old feels >be legionnaire >seiging carthage >in streets >see XIX ancilla >byneptune.mosaic >run out of formation >tell her I will give her 5 denarii for servicing >"non porcus" >feel pastae dripping out of armor >cartheginian arrow goes through my eye >pleb as f---
Anonymous (ID: IXc+Yxye) 12/01/12(Sat)20:40:42 No.440 File: 1354412442816.jpg-(244 KB, 677x782, Pleb.jpg) ITT: old feels >be legionnaire >seiging carthage >in streets >see XIX ancilla >byneptune.mosaic >run out of formation >tell her I will give her 5 denarii for servicing >"non porcus" >feel pastae dripping out of armor >cartheginian arrow goes through my eye >pleb as f---

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legionaire rome pleb spaghetti story pasta

Blazing

Anonymous (ID: Oi/IMEHO ) 04/26/14(Sat)01:38:43 No.543898176 >Be a cop >Patrolling, doing cop things See a quy driving like 15 miles below the speed limit >Swerving around like a m----------- 36 KB JPG >Can see lots of smoke coming out of his windows >Assume he's blazing it, pull him over >Walk up to his window and he rolls it down >He's got a f------ hot plate plugged into his c-------- lighter >M----------- is making pancakes while driving and burned them
Anonymous (ID: Oi/IMEHO ) 04/26/14(Sat)01:38:43 No.543898176 >Be a cop >Patrolling, doing cop things See a quy driving like 15 miles below the speed limit >Swerving around like a m----------- 36 KB JPG >Can see lots of smoke coming out of his windows >Assume he's blazing it, pull him over >Walk up to his window and he rolls it down >He's got a f------ hot plate plugged into his c-------- lighter >M----------- is making pancakes while driving and burned them

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pancakes cop police car

Ron Paul 2008

Anonymous (ID: CINHW8YS) 06/24/14(Tue)00:32:23 No.552734235 rent a convertible sports car and a parachute >get your favorite handgun and shoot it in the air around a police station >high speed chase ensues lead the police into the desert and wait for media choppers >itstime.jpg tie parachute cord around your neck and throw a brick on the gas >deploy parachute, snapping your neck and simultaniously dragging vyour lifeless body into the air behind the car >parasail across the desert until your car dies Bonus points if the parachute says Ron Paul 2008 Bonus points if wearing assless fursuit
Anonymous (ID: CINHW8YS) 06/24/14(Tue)00:32:23 No.552734235 rent a convertible sports car and a parachute >get your favorite handgun and shoot it in the air around a police station >high speed chase ensues lead the police into the desert and wait for media choppers >itstime.jpg tie parachute cord around your neck and throw a brick on the gas >deploy parachute, snapping your neck and simultaniously dragging vyour lifeless body into the air behind the car >parasail across the desert until your car dies Bonus points if the parachute says Ron Paul 2008 Bonus points if wearing assless fursuit

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ron paul fursuit parachute

Checkout

File: 13883050298 (15 KB, 239x175, big fat whale.png) □ Anonymous 12/29/13(Sun)03:17 No.24285383 Replies: >224285440 2224285451 2224285487 %2428 sbe me scashier at Walgreens >s----- job but it pays the bills while I wait to go back to school in spring sslow night, not many customers ssuddenly see the fattest of fat fat f---- approaching register cart full of Mountain Dew and Hot Pockets >has so much fat that he has to lean on the cart to assist him with walking sso fat that he won't take anything out of the cart, makes me scan everything while it's still in cart isthisfaggotserious.jpg sa guy walks in only wanting a 20oz Pepsi, has to wait behind Fatty McGee total comes to 78 dollars sshoves sweaty $100 bill in my face like an a------ smark it to make sure it's legit, go to put it in the register wait let me give you the (whatever) cents" sstarts searching in pockets for approximately a decade looking for change sby this point there are four people waiting behind F------ McFatterson sall visibly upset that they have to wait for him call for second cashier severyone immediately goes to his line to stop dealing with all the fat sthis guy is seriously now running out of breath searching for change sstarts wheezing Sfinally makes the change so can give him all bills back ssecond cashiers line empties sguy spends a couple minutes sorting hot pockets, wallet, fat s"l can't wait to get home and go to bed, it's been a long day" smaking small talk I say, "Long day at work?" s"oh no, I don't have a job, I borrowed that money from my mom s"So what do you do?" > moderate the sports board on 4chan" mfw Anonymous 12/29/13(Sun)03:23 No.24285440 File: 1388305419225 ipg-(29 KB, 640x480, 1315895805868.jpg) P>
File: 13883050298 (15 KB, 239x175, big fat whale.png) □ Anonymous 12/29/13(Sun)03:17 No.24285383 Replies: >224285440 2224285451 2224285487 %2428 sbe me scashier at Walgreens >s----- job but it pays the bills while I wait to go back to school in spring sslow night, not many customers ssuddenly see the fattest of fat fat f---- approaching register cart full of Mountain Dew and Hot Pockets >has so much fat that he has to lean on the cart to assist him with walking sso fat that he won't take anything out of the cart, makes me scan everything while it's still in cart isthisfaggotserious.jpg sa guy walks in only wanting a 20oz Pepsi, has to wait behind Fatty McGee total comes to 78 dollars sshoves sweaty $100 bill in my face like an a------ smark it to make sure it's legit, go to put it in the register wait let me give you the (whatever) cents" sstarts searching in pockets for approximately a decade looking for change sby this point there are four people waiting behind F------ McFatterson sall visibly upset that they have to wait for him call for second cashier severyone immediately goes to his line to stop dealing with all the fat sthis guy is seriously now running out of breath searching for change sstarts wheezing Sfinally makes the change so can give him all bills back ssecond cashiers line empties sguy spends a couple minutes sorting hot pockets, wallet, fat s"l can't wait to get home and go to bed, it's been a long day" smaking small talk I say, "Long day at work?" s"oh no, I don't have a job, I borrowed that money from my mom s"So what do you do?" > moderate the sports board on 4chan" mfw Anonymous 12/29/13(Sun)03:23 No.24285440 File: 1388305419225 ipg-(29 KB, 640x480, 1315895805868.jpg) P>

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Krusty Krab

Anonymous (ID: On1goll3) 05/30/13(Thu)00:43:18 No.483594269 >ring ring* >Hi this is Michelle, this isn't the damned Krusty Krab! STOP CALLING! >Uh, what? I wanted to order some food. I'm a little confused. >Oh sorry, what would you like? >Fried catfish poboy please. My name is Omarion. >Can you spell that? who lives in a pineapple under the see.. >GOD F------ DAMNIT! *click*
Anonymous (ID: On1goll3) 05/30/13(Thu)00:43:18 No.483594269 >ring ring* >Hi this is Michelle, this isn't the damned Krusty Krab! STOP CALLING! >Uh, what? I wanted to order some food. I'm a little confused. >Oh sorry, what would you like? >Fried catfish poboy please. My name is Omarion. >Can you spell that? who lives in a pineapple under the see.. >GOD F------ DAMNIT! *click*

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krusty krab spongebob prank call

Narrow Escape

400 png-(29 KB, 468x466, 1316973828281.png) Anonymous 09/26/11 (Mon)00:13:20 No.355343406 sa really cute girl from work told me if i went out with her to a party id get some p---- licks my ear as she says this >go out with her >she ignores everyone at the party and takes me by the hand into a bed room on the third floor >she pulls down my pants, i feel her hot breath on my penis >she then sprints across the room, and hops out of an open window, runs down the ladder, and retracts the ladder hear the bedroom door locking from the other side >that's when i saw her, the hot girls autistic 400 pound 45 year old sister >she was drooling all over her mottled t--- and fingering her c--- using her own liquid feces as lubricant >she took one look at my throbbing c--- and said "commear baby dakes. i want thad hot meat in my frontbutt" >I'm not proud of how i acted that day but i had to do what i did to survive walked over to her, holding her head to my chest >she attempted to suckle from my nipple as i put her in a head lock held her there in a sleeper hold for 4 minutes before she passed out >i searched the room for a key, which as it turned out was tied around her neck with fishing line >before i left the house i lit a pile of laundry on the second floor on fire >that house and the gibbering monster held within burned to a crisp Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)00:14:52 No.355343662 File 1 049 29 KB, 720x540, 1314420186801.jpg) What the f--- am i reading
400 png-(29 KB, 468x466, 1316973828281.png) Anonymous 09/26/11 (Mon)00:13:20 No.355343406 sa really cute girl from work told me if i went out with her to a party id get some p---- licks my ear as she says this >go out with her >she ignores everyone at the party and takes me by the hand into a bed room on the third floor >she pulls down my pants, i feel her hot breath on my penis >she then sprints across the room, and hops out of an open window, runs down the ladder, and retracts the ladder hear the bedroom door locking from the other side >that's when i saw her, the hot girls autistic 400 pound 45 year old sister >she was drooling all over her mottled t--- and fingering her c--- using her own liquid feces as lubricant >she took one look at my throbbing c--- and said "commear baby dakes. i want thad hot meat in my frontbutt" >I'm not proud of how i acted that day but i had to do what i did to survive walked over to her, holding her head to my chest >she attempted to suckle from my nipple as i put her in a head lock held her there in a sleeper hold for 4 minutes before she passed out >i searched the room for a key, which as it turned out was tied around her neck with fishing line >before i left the house i lit a pile of laundry on the second floor on fire >that house and the gibbering monster held within burned to a crisp Anonymous 09/26/11(Mon)00:14:52 No.355343662 File 1 049 29 KB, 720x540, 1314420186801.jpg) What the f--- am i reading

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Jimmy John Genius

1 739451462 7/20/17 1:18 AM M ToThe girl I'm in love with works at a Jimmy John's, andl A think I've finally found a plan to make her mine Since 1983 installed a spy program on the computer at her Jimmy ?SAND TASTT 107 KB John's l now have all of the schedules of each employee, and access to the info about each delivery order >What kind of sandwich, where it's going, who's delivering it, etc have a reasonable sized van bought a Jimmy John's uniform, all of the sandwich supplies I need. chips,and packaging for all this s--- to make it seem official >Whenever I see an order pop up that will be delivered by my girl make the sandwich on my own, and rush it to the person who ordered it before the gets there Every time my girl delivers a sandwich she ll be greeted by a happy customer who already has their food >She won't believe it, it's impossible for something like this to happen Each successive house already has a sandwich in it This will continue for several weeks, each day she grows crazier and crazier One day she'll inevitably start crying on the side of the road once she sees yet another already delivered order Guess who's waiting there to console her It's me Give her a shoulder to cry on, say I'll find what's at the bottom of this mystery >The mysterious sandwiches will stop, and she'll fall in love with me We will make sweet sandwich love every night We'll pound like pickles >If she says she's going to leave me, my sandwiches will start coming back >Her mental health will literally be dependent on being in a relationship with me >When this plan is literally foolproof Starting my plan tomorrow, wish me luck
1 739451462 7/20/17 1:18 AM M ToThe girl I'm in love with works at a Jimmy John's, andl A think I've finally found a plan to make her mine Since 1983 installed a spy program on the computer at her Jimmy ?SAND TASTT 107 KB John's l now have all of the schedules of each employee, and access to the info about each delivery order >What kind of sandwich, where it's going, who's delivering it, etc have a reasonable sized van bought a Jimmy John's uniform, all of the sandwich supplies I need. chips,and packaging for all this s--- to make it seem official >Whenever I see an order pop up that will be delivered by my girl make the sandwich on my own, and rush it to the person who ordered it before the gets there Every time my girl delivers a sandwich she ll be greeted by a happy customer who already has their food >She won't believe it, it's impossible for something like this to happen Each successive house already has a sandwich in it This will continue for several weeks, each day she grows crazier and crazier One day she'll inevitably start crying on the side of the road once she sees yet another already delivered order Guess who's waiting there to console her It's me Give her a shoulder to cry on, say I'll find what's at the bottom of this mystery >The mysterious sandwiches will stop, and she'll fall in love with me We will make sweet sandwich love every night We'll pound like pickles >If she says she's going to leave me, my sandwiches will start coming back >Her mental health will literally be dependent on being in a relationship with me >When this plan is literally foolproof Starting my plan tomorrow, wish me luck

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ALL THE EGGS

- File: 1344263299653 ipg-(118 KB, 750x561, 1342391823379.jpg) 器□ Anonymous 08/06/12(Mon)10:28 No.1 50024827 ED >walk in the streets at night >see this what do? Replies to this post □ Anonymous 08/06/12(Mon)10:30 No.1 50024980回團 P> 48 Offer her my coat to cover up and a ride home Replies to this post: □ Anonymous 08/06/12(Mon)10:46 No.1 50026512 0團困 >Help her up and carry her disoriented body to my place >Let her sleep on my bed as sleep on the couch >Deal with her freak out when she wakes up >Ask her if she's ok > "You don't have to tell me what happened, but you do have to eat this." as I hand her a bowl of eggs >Ask if she needs a ride home >Tell her to take care Replies to this post: □ Anonymous 08/06/12(Mon)10:47 No 1 50026676 ] □ Anonymous 08/06/12(Mon)10:48 No. 102 KB, 480 □ Anonymous 08/06/12(Mon 10:47 No. 1500266 265 KB, 334x393, 1 File: 134426450 File: 13442644329 >>150026512 Wizard detected 150026512 P> Anonymous 08/06/12(Mon)11:01 File: 1344265300847 png-(4 KB, 312x315, 1343878593548.png) HIGH LEVEL P> stake her back to your place >think "You don't have to tell me what happened, but you do have to eat this is a smooth line Jesus christ were you the creepy one at EMBARRASSING school? Anonymous 08/06/12(Mon)11 :05 No. 150028268 □ □ (45 KB, 882x896, EAT ALL THE EGGS.png) 8 Replies to this post: Anonymous 08/06/12(Mon)11:00 >h-hi.. swh- why are you screaming? >pls stop >h-here e-eggs >pl-please dont go >door slams 爿love you too you a-wake? ㄣ
- File: 1344263299653 ipg-(118 KB, 750x561, 1342391823379.jpg) 器□ Anonymous 08/06/12(Mon)10:28 No.1 50024827 ED >walk in the streets at night >see this what do? Replies to this post □ Anonymous 08/06/12(Mon)10:30 No.1 50024980回團 P> 48 Offer her my coat to cover up and a ride home Replies to this post: □ Anonymous 08/06/12(Mon)10:46 No.1 50026512 0團困 >Help her up and carry her disoriented body to my place >Let her sleep on my bed as sleep on the couch >Deal with her freak out when she wakes up >Ask her if she's ok > "You don't have to tell me what happened, but you do have to eat this." as I hand her a bowl of eggs >Ask if she needs a ride home >Tell her to take care Replies to this post: □ Anonymous 08/06/12(Mon)10:47 No 1 50026676 ] □ Anonymous 08/06/12(Mon)10:48 No. 102 KB, 480 □ Anonymous 08/06/12(Mon 10:47 No. 1500266 265 KB, 334x393, 1 File: 134426450 File: 13442644329 >>150026512 Wizard detected 150026512 P> Anonymous 08/06/12(Mon)11:01 File: 1344265300847 png-(4 KB, 312x315, 1343878593548.png) HIGH LEVEL P> stake her back to your place >think "You don't have to tell me what happened, but you do have to eat this is a smooth line Jesus christ were you the creepy one at EMBARRASSING school? Anonymous 08/06/12(Mon)11 :05 No. 150028268 □ □ (45 KB, 882x896, EAT ALL THE EGGS.png) 8 Replies to this post: Anonymous 08/06/12(Mon)11:00 >h-hi.. swh- why are you screaming? >pls stop >h-here e-eggs >pl-please dont go >door slams 爿love you too you a-wake? ㄣ

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D&D Brownies

413531-CosmicBrownies.ipg (195 KB, 800x600) google igdb ■ N Anonymous 11/24/13(Sun)13:00:34 No.28470756 [r] 2-28470782 >-28470790 >Last Nights D&D session >DM decides to reveal that he's actually a bit of an amateur chef >Spends ten minutes puttering around in the kitchen, and we hear the constant churning noise of a blender >Comes back with large mugs filled with a thick, brown liquid > Its my cosmic brownie shake. Just try it. Try it t tastes like sex with an angel >Everyone drains their mugs >Dont worry, there's plenty left! You can drink as much as you want! And, the best part is, its actually really healthy for you! >We start playing, continuing to drink the tasty shakes the entire time >About an hour in, I start to feel funny >One guy dashes off to the bathroom, and a few seconds later we hear him screaming IT'S LIKE SNAKES. IT'S LIKE SNAKES ARE IN MY GUTS AND ARE TEARING APART MY A------." >No one has any idea what he's talking about. >One minute later >Everyone knows what he's talking about. manage to reach one of the three bathrooms >Pain >Agonizing pain >Like my liver is strangling my stomach while my intestines tie themselves into knots >I am s------- and crying and occasionally screaming >Hear screaming coming from outside the window >One guy didn't manage to get into a bathroom >He's screaming and crying and s------- outside in the backyard >Neighbors walk out of their house to see whats going on >Guy in the backyard is pleading with them to kill him >Everyone spends the entire night just s------- and crying I just got back home and I think I lost thirty pounds Gaming food thread? Anonymous 11/24/13(Sun)13:02:47 No.28470782[r]>-28470798>-28470804>-284 [+] Did you get the recipe?
413531-CosmicBrownies.ipg (195 KB, 800x600) google igdb ■ N Anonymous 11/24/13(Sun)13:00:34 No.28470756 [r] 2-28470782 >-28470790 >Last Nights D&D session >DM decides to reveal that he's actually a bit of an amateur chef >Spends ten minutes puttering around in the kitchen, and we hear the constant churning noise of a blender >Comes back with large mugs filled with a thick, brown liquid > Its my cosmic brownie shake. Just try it. Try it t tastes like sex with an angel >Everyone drains their mugs >Dont worry, there's plenty left! You can drink as much as you want! And, the best part is, its actually really healthy for you! >We start playing, continuing to drink the tasty shakes the entire time >About an hour in, I start to feel funny >One guy dashes off to the bathroom, and a few seconds later we hear him screaming IT'S LIKE SNAKES. IT'S LIKE SNAKES ARE IN MY GUTS AND ARE TEARING APART MY A------." >No one has any idea what he's talking about. >One minute later >Everyone knows what he's talking about. manage to reach one of the three bathrooms >Pain >Agonizing pain >Like my liver is strangling my stomach while my intestines tie themselves into knots >I am s------- and crying and occasionally screaming >Hear screaming coming from outside the window >One guy didn't manage to get into a bathroom >He's screaming and crying and s------- outside in the backyard >Neighbors walk out of their house to see whats going on >Guy in the backyard is pleading with them to kill him >Everyone spends the entire night just s------- and crying I just got back home and I think I lost thirty pounds Gaming food thread? Anonymous 11/24/13(Sun)13:02:47 No.28470782[r]>-28470798>-28470804>-284 [+] Did you get the recipe?

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d&d brownies