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Anon’s class is pro alcohol | /r/Greentext

> be me > in health class, have to make a powerpoint about why alcohol is bad 359 KB PNG > 12th grade so no one cares > presentation day comes along > no one has done any work > teacher opens up class file > one project > titled "alachol" >teacher walks out of room > mfw
> be me > in health class, have to make a powerpoint about why alcohol is bad 359 KB PNG > 12th grade so no one cares > presentation day comes along > no one has done any work > teacher opens up class file > one project > titled "alachol" >teacher walks out of room > mfw

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Anon is curious | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/16/20(Fri)21:09:23 No.838004040 >be me >21 >super straight male >get horny one night and decide to go use the local glory hole >actually kinda enjoy it >half way through person on the otherside moans 153 KB PNG >it's a guy's moan >realize ive been sucking a man's c--- this entire time mfw
: Anonymous 10/16/20(Fri)21:09:23 No.838004040 >be me >21 >super straight male >get horny one night and decide to go use the local glory hole >actually kinda enjoy it >half way through person on the otherside moans 153 KB PNG >it's a guy's moan >realize ive been sucking a man's c--- this entire time mfw

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Anon relates to Egyptians | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/17/18(Fri)13:48:22 No.777399245 Convince me the Egyptians weren't ancient 4chan >Loved cats >Used cryptic pictures to communicate >Hated the Jews 72 KB JPG >Lived in a desert s------- >Obsessed with triangles and symmetry because ancient autismo >Were smart as f--- >Had a woman that ruled them that people orbit to this day >Literally had a frog God called kek All the evidence is here you just have to understand it
: Anonymous 08/17/18(Fri)13:48:22 No.777399245 Convince me the Egyptians weren't ancient 4chan >Loved cats >Used cryptic pictures to communicate >Hated the Jews 72 KB JPG >Lived in a desert s------- >Obsessed with triangles and symmetry because ancient autismo >Were smart as f--- >Had a woman that ruled them that people orbit to this day >Literally had a frog God called kek All the evidence is here you just have to understand it

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Anon takes revenge | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 754091586 35 min. geleden •.• >be me >Indian >find out about 4chan >go on a board >people are f------ racists >"but yeah India will be a superpower by 2020" >people laugh at me >call me a streetshitter 721,1 kB JPG >how offensive, my grandpa died in a streetshitting incident >years later >l ruined their internet >l did it >sweet revenge 3 REPLIES 2 IMAGES REPLY
Anonymous | 754091586 35 min. geleden •.• >be me >Indian >find out about 4chan >go on a board >people are f------ racists >"but yeah India will be a superpower by 2020" >people laugh at me >call me a streetshitter 721,1 kB JPG >how offensive, my grandpa died in a streetshitting incident >years later >l ruined their internet >l did it >sweet revenge 3 REPLIES 2 IMAGES REPLY

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That dumb thread | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/27/20(Fri)03:16:05 No.1911325 >Liverpool >it isn't just a city full of pools with livers in them 60 KB JPG : Anonymous 11/28/20(Sat)11:43:42 No.1912069 >Austin, TX >isn't a Stone Cold Steve city. : Anonymous 11/28/20(Sat)19:30:36 No.1912315 >go to Hungary >everybody appears to be well-fed 755 KB PNG >>1912827 # made with mematio : Anonymous 12/02/20(Wed)17:00:24 No.1914569 >washington dc >actually uses alternating current >>1914769 # >>1914770 # >>1917742 # : Anonymous 11/29/20(Sun)07:30:40 No.1912576 >go to moscow >no cattle in sight 7 KB JPG : Anonymous 11/29/20(Sun)14:09:35 No.1912827 >>1912315 # >Went to turkey >Not a damn bird in sight 2.29 MB GIF : Anonymous 11/29/20(Sun)14:32:21 No.1912840 >go to Kyoto >it's not just a jumbled up Tokyo
: Anonymous 11/27/20(Fri)03:16:05 No.1911325 >Liverpool >it isn't just a city full of pools with livers in them 60 KB JPG : Anonymous 11/28/20(Sat)11:43:42 No.1912069 >Austin, TX >isn't a Stone Cold Steve city. : Anonymous 11/28/20(Sat)19:30:36 No.1912315 >go to Hungary >everybody appears to be well-fed 755 KB PNG >>1912827 # made with mematio : Anonymous 12/02/20(Wed)17:00:24 No.1914569 >washington dc >actually uses alternating current >>1914769 # >>1914770 # >>1917742 # : Anonymous 11/29/20(Sun)07:30:40 No.1912576 >go to moscow >no cattle in sight 7 KB JPG : Anonymous 11/29/20(Sun)14:09:35 No.1912827 >>1912315 # >Went to turkey >Not a damn bird in sight 2.29 MB GIF : Anonymous 11/29/20(Sun)14:32:21 No.1912840 >go to Kyoto >it's not just a jumbled up Tokyo

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Anon pulls a prank | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 770101768 17 min. ago Green text story >Go to bar >Moderm Jukebox in corner »Start to browse See Africa by Toto »Put in 500s >50 cents per song Select Africa 1000 times 21 KA PNG >Takes a minute »People start to stare >Leave bar >Africa is 4 minutes 30 seconds >100 plays = 75 hours >Return a couple days later- at hour 48 >Africa is still playing >l set down and order a drink >Partons look miserable >Bar staff is irritable >An haur goes by >Finally the bar owner emerges from the back furious >Starts trying to unplug machine >Can't- too heavy and its plugged in via extension chard behind the wall »Patrons try to help >All the patrons except me >l say "it's a good song" and immediately some black dude screams "shut the f--- up" >Still cannot unplug >You could say "it's something 100 men could never do" >Patrons and owner are furious still and getting more angry >Owner picks up chair and starts to beat machine »Machine starts playing "rains in Africa" on repeat >Everyane is now loosing their s--- >They continue to attack Jukebox for 45 minutes >Someone gets a shovel from god knows where >Machine is finally broken >Everyone cheers >Bar is dead quiet naw >Leave >Come back a month later (yesterday) >New Jukebox >This time I double down Select "Never gonna give you up" 1000 times >Leave >l shall return in 2 days O REPLIES 1 IMAGE REPLY
Anonymous 770101768 17 min. ago Green text story >Go to bar >Moderm Jukebox in corner »Start to browse See Africa by Toto »Put in 500s >50 cents per song Select Africa 1000 times 21 KA PNG >Takes a minute »People start to stare >Leave bar >Africa is 4 minutes 30 seconds >100 plays = 75 hours >Return a couple days later- at hour 48 >Africa is still playing >l set down and order a drink >Partons look miserable >Bar staff is irritable >An haur goes by >Finally the bar owner emerges from the back furious >Starts trying to unplug machine >Can't- too heavy and its plugged in via extension chard behind the wall »Patrons try to help >All the patrons except me >l say "it's a good song" and immediately some black dude screams "shut the f--- up" >Still cannot unplug >You could say "it's something 100 men could never do" >Patrons and owner are furious still and getting more angry >Owner picks up chair and starts to beat machine »Machine starts playing "rains in Africa" on repeat >Everyane is now loosing their s--- >They continue to attack Jukebox for 45 minutes >Someone gets a shovel from god knows where >Machine is finally broken >Everyone cheers >Bar is dead quiet naw >Leave >Come back a month later (yesterday) >New Jukebox >This time I double down Select "Never gonna give you up" 1000 times >Leave >l shall return in 2 days O REPLIES 1 IMAGE REPLY

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Anon likes shopping carts | /r/Greentext

147191610 9/8/18 3:29 PM Stealing and melting down shopping carts I've fantasized about stealing and melting down shopping carts from national brand stores since I was about 4 years old. 183 KB It literally gives me so much satisfaction, both spiritually and sexually, the thought of melting down and having a solid block of shopping cart. I just got a job as a cart pusher for Walmart is there any way I could actually get away with this without getting in trouble? Pic related is an ugly ass shopping cart but the ones at Walmart literally make me rock solid just LOOKING at. I can't believe I'm going to be getting paid good money to TOUCH them. >these are my skills idk if they're applicable: really good at physics, strong asf, 5'8, willing to do anything to melt down a cart 4 replies
147191610 9/8/18 3:29 PM Stealing and melting down shopping carts I've fantasized about stealing and melting down shopping carts from national brand stores since I was about 4 years old. 183 KB It literally gives me so much satisfaction, both spiritually and sexually, the thought of melting down and having a solid block of shopping cart. I just got a job as a cart pusher for Walmart is there any way I could actually get away with this without getting in trouble? Pic related is an ugly ass shopping cart but the ones at Walmart literally make me rock solid just LOOKING at. I can't believe I'm going to be getting paid good money to TOUCH them. >these are my skills idk if they're applicable: really good at physics, strong asf, 5'8, willing to do anything to melt down a cart 4 replies

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Anon gets molested | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/07/20(Mon)15:13:33 No.835583807 >that dream where the parking meter molests me is back 232 KB PNG
: Anonymous 09/07/20(Mon)15:13:33 No.835583807 >that dream where the parking meter molests me is back 232 KB PNG

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Anon is black | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 08/21/15(Fri)20:56:15 No.307324631 ► File: pic.jpg (131 KB, 1600x902) >>307322435 O Anonymous 08/21/15(Fri)20:57:25 No.307324746 ► >>307324631 this website is for whites only O Anonymous 08/21/15(Fri)21:02:30 No.307325124 File: pic2.jpg (1.42 MB, 3264x1840) >>307324746
O Anonymous 08/21/15(Fri)20:56:15 No.307324631 ► File: pic.jpg (131 KB, 1600x902) >>307322435 O Anonymous 08/21/15(Fri)20:57:25 No.307324746 ► >>307324631 this website is for whites only O Anonymous 08/21/15(Fri)21:02:30 No.307325124 File: pic2.jpg (1.42 MB, 3264x1840) >>307324746

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Anon likes games | /r/Greentext

>>457534108 (OP) # >Play Xenoblade Chronicles 2 >Play with Pyra as my main blade >My mom sees it >"Why does she look like that? Christ 101 KB JPG that's a bit sexist" >Grandpa comes in and says "Let him be a man, there's nothing wrong with it" >Mom decides to forget it >Grandpa asks me to do lewd moves to see her ass I love my grandpa, sometimes I wish I could transform into Pyra and let him f--- me
>>457534108 (OP) # >Play Xenoblade Chronicles 2 >Play with Pyra as my main blade >My mom sees it >"Why does she look like that? Christ 101 KB JPG that's a bit sexist" >Grandpa comes in and says "Let him be a man, there's nothing wrong with it" >Mom decides to forget it >Grandpa asks me to do lewd moves to see her ass I love my grandpa, sometimes I wish I could transform into Pyra and let him f--- me

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Anon gets the wrong number | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 04/19/12(Thu)05:11:40 No.2166018 > Really like girl. > So, I go and talk to girl. > After a few minutes, tell her I like her and ask for her number. > She gives me digits. > F--- yes! Is this the ALPHA STAGE???? > Call her a day later. > She asks, shocked, "How the f--- did you get this number?" > Wut? You gave it to me. > Says to herself, "Oh, f---, I must have given you my real one by mistake!" > I laugh. > She doesn't. >I laugh in denial. > She doesn't. >I force a laugh. > The dial-tone laughs at me, not with me. >I keep laughing through the tears.
O Anonymous 04/19/12(Thu)05:11:40 No.2166018 > Really like girl. > So, I go and talk to girl. > After a few minutes, tell her I like her and ask for her number. > She gives me digits. > F--- yes! Is this the ALPHA STAGE???? > Call her a day later. > She asks, shocked, "How the f--- did you get this number?" > Wut? You gave it to me. > Says to herself, "Oh, f---, I must have given you my real one by mistake!" > I laugh. > She doesn't. >I laugh in denial. > She doesn't. >I force a laugh. > The dial-tone laughs at me, not with me. >I keep laughing through the tears.

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Anon has daddy issues | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/27/19(Tue)16:20:29 No.13223338 Gave my boyfriend the same perfume my dad uses now every time i smell him i get instantly horny 1.27 MB GIF | Anonymous 08/27/19(Tue)16:23:49 No.13223374 >>13223338 (OP) # 19 KB JPG
: Anonymous 08/27/19(Tue)16:20:29 No.13223338 Gave my boyfriend the same perfume my dad uses now every time i smell him i get instantly horny 1.27 MB GIF | Anonymous 08/27/19(Tue)16:23:49 No.13223374 >>13223338 (OP) # 19 KB JPG

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Anon's is doing what he loved | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/15/19(Thu)20:11:48 No.53925486 >Walk up to boss >"Hey anything we gotta do around here?" >"Yeah we gotta do all the drum brakes on the trailers but some of the bolts broke off so you'll have to melt em off with the cutting torch." 82 KB JPG >Pretend he is an NPC giving me a quest >Money is my EXP >Each pay period is a level up >level 208 right now keep grinding out the levels friends
: Anonymous 08/15/19(Thu)20:11:48 No.53925486 >Walk up to boss >"Hey anything we gotta do around here?" >"Yeah we gotta do all the drum brakes on the trailers but some of the bolts broke off so you'll have to melt em off with the cutting torch." 82 KB JPG >Pretend he is an NPC giving me a quest >Money is my EXP >Each pay period is a level up >level 208 right now keep grinding out the levels friends

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Gordon on gear. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/20/18(Mon)08:20:40 No.102656591 45188D7700000578-0-image-a-18_1507291424887[1].jpg 53 KB JPG >Now, Cocaine >get the packet >knife, sharp >cut yes? >look at that color >rustic, simple >now, pound note >roll, tight >now this is my favorite >SNIFFF >f--- me >>102656784 # >>102658699 # >>102658907 # >>102662412 # >>102663687 #
: Anonymous 08/20/18(Mon)08:20:40 No.102656591 45188D7700000578-0-image-a-18_1507291424887[1].jpg 53 KB JPG >Now, Cocaine >get the packet >knife, sharp >cut yes? >look at that color >rustic, simple >now, pound note >roll, tight >now this is my favorite >SNIFFF >f--- me >>102656784 # >>102658699 # >>102658907 # >>102662412 # >>102663687 #

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Anon goes to prison | /r/Greentext

File: image.jpg (36 KB, 400x400) Anonymous 10/24/18(Wed)21:29:43 No.783188407 [Reply] | > be me > locked up for 2 years for driving under the influence of Oxy > going into an all black cell block, 2 other white guys in there are all tore up from regular beatings > f--- that. > look for the biggest black monster I can find. > spot him. 6'5" build like Bautista. > "let's do this" I think. > walk right up there to him, yell, "you! Big Nig!" > he stands up, full head taller than me. I stare hi right in the eye. > "Ill suck your d--- on the reg, if you keep me safe." > spend 2 years on easy street,safe and sound no one f---- with me. Suck some big black d---. Who cares.
File: image.jpg (36 KB, 400x400) Anonymous 10/24/18(Wed)21:29:43 No.783188407 [Reply] | > be me > locked up for 2 years for driving under the influence of Oxy > going into an all black cell block, 2 other white guys in there are all tore up from regular beatings > f--- that. > look for the biggest black monster I can find. > spot him. 6'5" build like Bautista. > "let's do this" I think. > walk right up there to him, yell, "you! Big Nig!" > he stands up, full head taller than me. I stare hi right in the eye. > "Ill suck your d--- on the reg, if you keep me safe." > spend 2 years on easy street,safe and sound no one f---- with me. Suck some big black d---. Who cares.

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Anon trust the justice system | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 12/29/18(Sat)00:46:53 No.788487994 >get accused of r--- by landwhale feminist >spend the next few months worrying about getting falsely convicted >Cops give me details 13 KB JPG finally >gets expelled from her college >gets charged with slander >mfw the justice system works 1 Reply View Thread Anonymous 12/29/18(Sat)00:48:01 No.788488089 F--- yeah
Anonymous 12/29/18(Sat)00:46:53 No.788487994 >get accused of r--- by landwhale feminist >spend the next few months worrying about getting falsely convicted >Cops give me details 13 KB JPG finally >gets expelled from her college >gets charged with slander >mfw the justice system works 1 Reply View Thread Anonymous 12/29/18(Sat)00:48:01 No.788488089 F--- yeah

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Anon is a psychopath | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/27/13(Wed)05:01 No.55852 >be 16 >hear dogs obviously attacking something in back yard >go out and get them to leave it alone >oh s--- it's a bloody 33 KB PNG possum >think Its dead, go to put it in garbage >notice Its still breathing >decide to put it out of it's misery >grab a broken skateboard and smash it over it's head >possum starts convulsing >oh god why aren't you dying >keep beating it >feel like Christopher bale killing Jared letto In American psycho >it finally dies >check the body and see the dogs barely scratched it >mfw I remember possums play dead
Anonymous 03/27/13(Wed)05:01 No.55852 >be 16 >hear dogs obviously attacking something in back yard >go out and get them to leave it alone >oh s--- it's a bloody 33 KB PNG possum >think Its dead, go to put it in garbage >notice Its still breathing >decide to put it out of it's misery >grab a broken skateboard and smash it over it's head >possum starts convulsing >oh god why aren't you dying >keep beating it >feel like Christopher bale killing Jared letto In American psycho >it finally dies >check the body and see the dogs barely scratched it >mfw I remember possums play dead

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Anon uses Reddit | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/02/19(Thu)15:00:09 No.52228531 >Decide to check out reddit to see if its as bad as everyone says >Go to the r/AmltheAsshole subreddit > First Post I see is of a some bitch getting pregnant at 17 wanting a abortion, boyfriend pleading her to 23 KB JPG keep the child says he'll raise it <Child is born she starts saying 'I HAVE PTSD FROM iT' >Father raises child >ffw 12 years her daughter wants to meet her >Literally wants no contact >Straight up rejects her own child >Everyone cheering her on >Any people who disagree get downvoted into oblivion What the f---? 22 Replies / 2 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 05/02/19(Thu)15:00:09 No.52228531 >Decide to check out reddit to see if its as bad as everyone says >Go to the r/AmltheAsshole subreddit > First Post I see is of a some bitch getting pregnant at 17 wanting a abortion, boyfriend pleading her to 23 KB JPG keep the child says he'll raise it <Child is born she starts saying 'I HAVE PTSD FROM iT' >Father raises child >ffw 12 years her daughter wants to meet her >Literally wants no contact >Straight up rejects her own child >Everyone cheering her on >Any people who disagree get downvoted into oblivion What the f---? 22 Replies / 2 Images View Thread

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Anon buys crude oil | /r/Greentext

File: A4E57907-9815-46E6-BC13-8(..).jpg (261 KB, 840x562) O Anonymous 01/14/21(Thu)07:50:31 No.844796744 [Reply] >be me >truly_unhinged.jpg >decide to purchase oil futures contract >accidentaly buy a barrel of crude oil shipped directly to my house >not know what to do with it for 2 weeks >super hot one day >get overheated as s---, decide to drink >get so drunk I grab my funnel and pump 2 gallons of crude oil into my ass >in the moment I wanted to save it for the right moment >thought it would be cool to s--- a f--- ton of oil all at once >get side tracked and watch finding Nemo >get to the part with the little squid girl in nemos school >arousedasfuck.png >realize my true purpose in life >uber to my local swimming pool >there are 3 pools but of course I decide to go to the one with the most children in it >still be drunk as f--- >sit down in the most populated area >start f------ swimming around like a big squid >moms are looking at me in confusion and disgust >one of them starts walking to the front desk, clearly going to call police >'it's time" >scream "IM GONNA INK" in the same voice I would have if I was mid orgasm >s--- 2 gallons of crude oil into the kiddie pool >children surface from the water visibly blinded and covered in my a--- oil >children screaming and crying all around >oil has spread farther than I ever imagined it would >make my escape >known as local squid man forever
File: A4E57907-9815-46E6-BC13-8(..).jpg (261 KB, 840x562) O Anonymous 01/14/21(Thu)07:50:31 No.844796744 [Reply] >be me >truly_unhinged.jpg >decide to purchase oil futures contract >accidentaly buy a barrel of crude oil shipped directly to my house >not know what to do with it for 2 weeks >super hot one day >get overheated as s---, decide to drink >get so drunk I grab my funnel and pump 2 gallons of crude oil into my ass >in the moment I wanted to save it for the right moment >thought it would be cool to s--- a f--- ton of oil all at once >get side tracked and watch finding Nemo >get to the part with the little squid girl in nemos school >arousedasfuck.png >realize my true purpose in life >uber to my local swimming pool >there are 3 pools but of course I decide to go to the one with the most children in it >still be drunk as f--- >sit down in the most populated area >start f------ swimming around like a big squid >moms are looking at me in confusion and disgust >one of them starts walking to the front desk, clearly going to call police >'it's time" >scream "IM GONNA INK" in the same voice I would have if I was mid orgasm >s--- 2 gallons of crude oil into the kiddie pool >children surface from the water visibly blinded and covered in my a--- oil >children screaming and crying all around >oil has spread farther than I ever imagined it would >make my escape >known as local squid man forever

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Anon is a couch fucker | /r/Greentext

File: 1515265048322 jpg (63 KB, 610x800) Anonymous 01/14/18(Sun)20 59:44 No.42487151 42487352 be me > be 17 > have uncontrollable boners > have uncontrollable urge to fap > jerk it twice a day, everyday > masturbate on the living room sofa > it's comfy asf and no one goes there > too lazy to get tissue > c-- between the pillows > "Il sometimes use the pillows like a fleshlight > do this everyday for 2 years > eventually dad smells something > encounter.mp3 > he blames my effeminate beta male younger brother > false alarm > he's been caught pillow humping before > dad brings him to the living roam > brother tries to explain, dad thinks he's lying, gets mad > dad punches him in the gut > dad beats him so bad, he pisses himself. > dad leaves my little brother crying in his own piss > his face whern Now, what keeps me up at night isn't what happened to my brother. What bugs me is the boner I got from seeing it.
File: 1515265048322 jpg (63 KB, 610x800) Anonymous 01/14/18(Sun)20 59:44 No.42487151 42487352 be me > be 17 > have uncontrollable boners > have uncontrollable urge to fap > jerk it twice a day, everyday > masturbate on the living room sofa > it's comfy asf and no one goes there > too lazy to get tissue > c-- between the pillows > "Il sometimes use the pillows like a fleshlight > do this everyday for 2 years > eventually dad smells something > encounter.mp3 > he blames my effeminate beta male younger brother > false alarm > he's been caught pillow humping before > dad brings him to the living roam > brother tries to explain, dad thinks he's lying, gets mad > dad punches him in the gut > dad beats him so bad, he pisses himself. > dad leaves my little brother crying in his own piss > his face whern Now, what keeps me up at night isn't what happened to my brother. What bugs me is the boner I got from seeing it.

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