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Anon has a hard time with the drawfs. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/24/18(Mon)00:05:30 No.788087819 >The r--- dwarf is still in my walls >I hear bumps in the night >Fire off some .357 rounds into the wall >Complete silence until I hear it laugh 30 KB JPG >"Hoho!" >Get angry >Fire off more rounds >Hear a screech then a wimper >Hear it run off, dragging it's penis as it goes >Blood drips out from beneath the molding >l got him for now, but he'll be back
: Anonymous 12/24/18(Mon)00:05:30 No.788087819 >The r--- dwarf is still in my walls >I hear bumps in the night >Fire off some .357 rounds into the wall >Complete silence until I hear it laugh 30 KB JPG >"Hoho!" >Get angry >Fire off more rounds >Hear a screech then a wimper >Hear it run off, dragging it's penis as it goes >Blood drips out from beneath the molding >l got him for now, but he'll be back

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Anons don’t like bears | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)01:08:16 No.845559102 >walking in the woods >see this about 30 feet in front of you What do /b/? 212 KB JPG : Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)01:13:31 No.845559472 >pull out 45 >shoot 1 shot >blow my brains out and die >bear runs off : Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)01:16:31 No.845559683 >>845559102 (OP) # Either me or the bear is getting r----
: Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)01:08:16 No.845559102 >walking in the woods >see this about 30 feet in front of you What do /b/? 212 KB JPG : Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)01:13:31 No.845559472 >pull out 45 >shoot 1 shot >blow my brains out and die >bear runs off : Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)01:16:31 No.845559683 >>845559102 (OP) # Either me or the bear is getting r----

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Anon doesn't like conmunism | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: IUf18nF+ Why are normies so weak? 01/23/21(Sat)01:10:02 No.304563920 >Be me. old normie friends. >Meet up with >Actually looking forward to normie conversation and being blue pilled for a few hours and talking about old times. >Friends immediately engage in political my 140 KB JPG conversation. >l make a mental effort to not sperg out red pills like an autistic mutant. >I think I'm "playing along" well. Keeping it PG-rated. >Normie friends still conclude I'm trying to be edgy. Act offended. >Old jokes aren't funny anymore. When did everyone lose their minds? Is this what the beginning of communism - real communism - looks like? I'm 50% sure guys I've known for 25 years would sell my life away over politics. 65 Replies / 11 Images View Thread
: Anonymous (ID: IUf18nF+ Why are normies so weak? 01/23/21(Sat)01:10:02 No.304563920 >Be me. old normie friends. >Meet up with >Actually looking forward to normie conversation and being blue pilled for a few hours and talking about old times. >Friends immediately engage in political my 140 KB JPG conversation. >l make a mental effort to not sperg out red pills like an autistic mutant. >I think I'm "playing along" well. Keeping it PG-rated. >Normie friends still conclude I'm trying to be edgy. Act offended. >Old jokes aren't funny anymore. When did everyone lose their minds? Is this what the beginning of communism - real communism - looks like? I'm 50% sure guys I've known for 25 years would sell my life away over politics. 65 Replies / 11 Images View Thread

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Anon Goes to Five Guys' | /r/Greentext

>>304519029 >go to 5Guys because 4chan keeps wanking over it >try to order a burger, employee shoves fries into my hands >thank him, hands me another cup of fries >try to stammer out that I want to order a regular burger >asks how many fries I want with that >just say "the normal amount" because I forgot i was holding all these fries >he winks and punches in the order >hands me a soggy brown paper bag of fries >w-- >wait for my food, eating some of these exponentially increasing number of fries >manager comes from the kitchen to apologize, they accidentally made my burger a double but they'll let me have it or I can wait for a single again >say the double is fine >says he's sorry and I can take some free fries to make up for it >another employee pushes out an entire barrel of fries on a handcart >now openly sobbing onto the salted potato earth surrounding me >run to my car to escape >entire kitchen staff chases me with my order and cups and bags of fries >try to pull out before they reach me >dump truck blocks me in and begins lifting its bucket >car half buried in fries >driver breaks my driver side window and hands me a cup of fries
>>304519029 >go to 5Guys because 4chan keeps wanking over it >try to order a burger, employee shoves fries into my hands >thank him, hands me another cup of fries >try to stammer out that I want to order a regular burger >asks how many fries I want with that >just say "the normal amount" because I forgot i was holding all these fries >he winks and punches in the order >hands me a soggy brown paper bag of fries >w-- >wait for my food, eating some of these exponentially increasing number of fries >manager comes from the kitchen to apologize, they accidentally made my burger a double but they'll let me have it or I can wait for a single again >say the double is fine >says he's sorry and I can take some free fries to make up for it >another employee pushes out an entire barrel of fries on a handcart >now openly sobbing onto the salted potato earth surrounding me >run to my car to escape >entire kitchen staff chases me with my order and cups and bags of fries >try to pull out before they reach me >dump truck blocks me in and begins lifting its bucket >car half buried in fries >driver breaks my driver side window and hands me a cup of fries

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Anon proposes | /r/Greentext

Ahonymous (Fri)22:36 No.541459096 1459306 >>541460037 >>541460867 >>541 >541465772 >>541458397 > order ring forever ago > girlfriend doesn't know at all > go to pick up the ring, she suspects lI'm buying it and that it'll take a while to get resize it and what not > time is racing, she doesn't think I have the ring yet > weekend is coming up > decide we'll go for a walk in the park before I spring the question > it f------ rains > dammit, I've got to do something else > we're laying in bed and she starts getting horny > don't remember the full conversation, but we're both naked and she responds to some question with "How about I suck your d---?" >I roll off the bed and grab the ring box and ask her "how about you marry me first?" > it takes her a second to register it, but she eventually starts laughing >i freak out a little, but she does say yes We had to completely change the story for our friends and family.
Ahonymous (Fri)22:36 No.541459096 1459306 >>541460037 >>541460867 >>541 >541465772 >>541458397 > order ring forever ago > girlfriend doesn't know at all > go to pick up the ring, she suspects lI'm buying it and that it'll take a while to get resize it and what not > time is racing, she doesn't think I have the ring yet > weekend is coming up > decide we'll go for a walk in the park before I spring the question > it f------ rains > dammit, I've got to do something else > we're laying in bed and she starts getting horny > don't remember the full conversation, but we're both naked and she responds to some question with "How about I suck your d---?" >I roll off the bed and grab the ring box and ask her "how about you marry me first?" > it takes her a second to register it, but she eventually starts laughing >i freak out a little, but she does say yes We had to completely change the story for our friends and family.

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Anon is watching a movie with his family | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/23/17(Sat)23:41:57 No.88111436 v terrorpepe.jpg (29 KB, 600x600) google yandex igdb wait >>88111638 >>88111677 >watching movie with family >sex scene imminent >"b-bathroom" >get up and run to bathroom, lock door >after a minute, worry that they might be listening >slowly dump bottle of mouthwash into toilet so it sounds like i'm peeing >realize that i've been in the bathroom too long to just be peeing >start loudly making grunting noises >drop the bar of soap into toilet and let out a sigh of relief >flush, soap clogs the toilet >if i ask for the plunger, they might see that it's mom's good soap clogging it >reach in with my hands and manage to break up the soap bar >toilet flushes >realize i can't wash my hands without soap >wipe them all over my shirt, now it looks like i've been sweating >i think they'll buy it >go back to sit down with family >"jesus anon, are you okay?" >"y-yeah, haha" >"good. here, we paused the movie when you got up"
Anonymous 09/23/17(Sat)23:41:57 No.88111436 v terrorpepe.jpg (29 KB, 600x600) google yandex igdb wait >>88111638 >>88111677 >watching movie with family >sex scene imminent >"b-bathroom" >get up and run to bathroom, lock door >after a minute, worry that they might be listening >slowly dump bottle of mouthwash into toilet so it sounds like i'm peeing >realize that i've been in the bathroom too long to just be peeing >start loudly making grunting noises >drop the bar of soap into toilet and let out a sigh of relief >flush, soap clogs the toilet >if i ask for the plunger, they might see that it's mom's good soap clogging it >reach in with my hands and manage to break up the soap bar >toilet flushes >realize i can't wash my hands without soap >wipe them all over my shirt, now it looks like i've been sweating >i think they'll buy it >go back to sit down with family >"jesus anon, are you okay?" >"y-yeah, haha" >"good. here, we paused the movie when you got up"

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Assume the (im)position | /r/Greentext

File: 441-4412701_transparent-t(...).jpg (129 KB, 820x660) U Anonymous 01/18/21(Mon)18:59:08 No.59424353 [Reply] >>59424389 >Ask attractive woman how long she last left on power rack >She asks if I want to work in with her >Say I don't want to impose >She raises her eyebrows at me and says, "Impose yourself." >I strict press more than she squats >She slaps me on the butt afterwards and says, "good job." What should I do when I see her tomorrow? %3D O Anonymous 01/18/21(Mon)19:01:31 No.59424389 >>59424353 (OP)# F--- her in her (boi)p----
File: 441-4412701_transparent-t(...).jpg (129 KB, 820x660) U Anonymous 01/18/21(Mon)18:59:08 No.59424353 [Reply] >>59424389 >Ask attractive woman how long she last left on power rack >She asks if I want to work in with her >Say I don't want to impose >She raises her eyebrows at me and says, "Impose yourself." >I strict press more than she squats >She slaps me on the butt afterwards and says, "good job." What should I do when I see her tomorrow? %3D O Anonymous 01/18/21(Mon)19:01:31 No.59424389 >>59424353 (OP)# F--- her in her (boi)p----

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Anon is living the paradox | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/11/16(Mon)16:11:25 No.27789885 File: 250 jpg (10 KB, 234x250) >Want friends >But at the same time don't >Angry that i don't have any >Want girlfriend >But at the same time don't >Angry that i don't have one >Upset my life is so s--- >But don't do anything to fix it >Enjoy living in misery but at the same time i don't >Just enjoy posting feels Just get me off this ride
Anonymous 04/11/16(Mon)16:11:25 No.27789885 File: 250 jpg (10 KB, 234x250) >Want friends >But at the same time don't >Angry that i don't have any >Want girlfriend >But at the same time don't >Angry that i don't have one >Upset my life is so s--- >But don't do anything to fix it >Enjoy living in misery but at the same time i don't >Just enjoy posting feels Just get me off this ride

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Anon is a chad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/23/21(Sat)00:15:52 No.59497797 was l a d---? happened just an hour ago >match with 25 year old girl on ? bumble (i'm 20) >bio is interesting, her pics look fine (cute face, normal build, a little bit of chub but whatever) 94 KB PNG >talk to her and she has interest in me, asks to hang out >f--- it, only 7 miles away so why not what do I have to lose aside from a bit of gas >walk up to her apartment and knock >answers the door wearing short shorts and a tank top and I then realize I've made a grave mistake >first thing I notice is cottage cheese pillar legs, then a fupa, and then the chins >realize that if just walked away now l'd hurt her feelings so now I'm committed >she wants to watch some shows on youtube on her tv so I pull one up >see in her search history "how to lose weight" and "before and after weight loss" >feel even more bad >entire time she wants to cuddle, don't want to tell her no so I just say "i'm weird I dont like being touched its hard to explain" >l just want to go home now
: Anonymous 01/23/21(Sat)00:15:52 No.59497797 was l a d---? happened just an hour ago >match with 25 year old girl on ? bumble (i'm 20) >bio is interesting, her pics look fine (cute face, normal build, a little bit of chub but whatever) 94 KB PNG >talk to her and she has interest in me, asks to hang out >f--- it, only 7 miles away so why not what do I have to lose aside from a bit of gas >walk up to her apartment and knock >answers the door wearing short shorts and a tank top and I then realize I've made a grave mistake >first thing I notice is cottage cheese pillar legs, then a fupa, and then the chins >realize that if just walked away now l'd hurt her feelings so now I'm committed >she wants to watch some shows on youtube on her tv so I pull one up >see in her search history "how to lose weight" and "before and after weight loss" >feel even more bad >entire time she wants to cuddle, don't want to tell her no so I just say "i'm weird I dont like being touched its hard to explain" >l just want to go home now

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Anon Drives | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 01/23/21(Sat)04:54:53 No.61990417 >>6199048 File: 1610045097614.jpg (50 KB, 750x711) J>be me, 13 >really want to drive a car >parents wont let me ffw a few months >home alone for the first time in a while >jacking off >idea.png >go out to garage >look at ford focus, blood is pumping, c--- is hard >get in ford focus >hit the garage door button >turn the key >hit the gas VRO000000OM >not in gear >woops >shift into gear VRRO00- CRASH >hit the house >mfw didnt put it in reverse >mfw did thousands of dollars of damage to family car >mfw
O Anonymous 01/23/21(Sat)04:54:53 No.61990417 >>6199048 File: 1610045097614.jpg (50 KB, 750x711) J>be me, 13 >really want to drive a car >parents wont let me ffw a few months >home alone for the first time in a while >jacking off >idea.png >go out to garage >look at ford focus, blood is pumping, c--- is hard >get in ford focus >hit the garage door button >turn the key >hit the gas VRO000000OM >not in gear >woops >shift into gear VRRO00- CRASH >hit the house >mfw didnt put it in reverse >mfw did thousands of dollars of damage to family car >mfw

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Consistency is key | /r/Greentext


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Anon gets engaged | /r/Greentext

File: myfiance.jpg (123 KB, 588x603) O Anonymous 01/22/21(Fri)19:40:55 No.845481235 [Reply] >>845481253 SHE SAID YES! Anonymous 01/22/21(Fri)19:41:20 No.845481253 >>845481235 (OP) >Do you want to go to McDonald's?
File: myfiance.jpg (123 KB, 588x603) O Anonymous 01/22/21(Fri)19:40:55 No.845481235 [Reply] >>845481253 SHE SAID YES! Anonymous 01/22/21(Fri)19:41:20 No.845481253 >>845481235 (OP) >Do you want to go to McDonald's?

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Anon might have covid now | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/23/21(Sat)04:33:46 No.845476978 >bought a bottle of coconut milk from the store >thirsty so take a swing without paying much attention >realize the seal never broke 9 KB JPG >look inside, see the tinfoil cover broken in when I never touched it What are the chances I have covid now? 6 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 01/23/21(Sat)04:33:46 No.845476978 >bought a bottle of coconut milk from the store >thirsty so take a swing without paying much attention >realize the seal never broke 9 KB JPG >look inside, see the tinfoil cover broken in when I never touched it What are the chances I have covid now? 6 Replies View Thread

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Anon needs help | /r/Greentext

Very important send help asap 12/25/18(Tue)22:43:57 No.50043828 REEE EE tenor.gif 111 KB GIF The R--- Dwarf Returns >wake up at 4 >go to washroom >noisesinthewall.mp3 >oh s--- not again >rush to the basement faster than a n----- with a TV >pull out my ak47 >switchtofullauto.rar >noises coming closer >sounds of d---- being dragged through the walls intensifies every second >now from all directions >"Oh s--- he's got reinforcements" >tardstrength kicks in >empty the entire 100 round mag into the basement walls >bloodeverywhere.png >hear "Ho Ho Ho" sounds fading away into a distance >count the bodies >7 bastards dead,with their enormous d---- dangling out of their Christmas themed boxers >l'm a little injured with the acid c------- they threw at me >I'm not sure how long I can hold on. >Need meds,ammo and food Send help guys
Very important send help asap 12/25/18(Tue)22:43:57 No.50043828 REEE EE tenor.gif 111 KB GIF The R--- Dwarf Returns >wake up at 4 >go to washroom >noisesinthewall.mp3 >oh s--- not again >rush to the basement faster than a n----- with a TV >pull out my ak47 >switchtofullauto.rar >noises coming closer >sounds of d---- being dragged through the walls intensifies every second >now from all directions >"Oh s--- he's got reinforcements" >tardstrength kicks in >empty the entire 100 round mag into the basement walls >bloodeverywhere.png >hear "Ho Ho Ho" sounds fading away into a distance >count the bodies >7 bastards dead,with their enormous d---- dangling out of their Christmas themed boxers >l'm a little injured with the acid c------- they threw at me >I'm not sure how long I can hold on. >Need meds,ammo and food Send help guys

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Anon can't reach next stage | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/16/18(Mon)21:23:24 No.774541587 >be me >charming enough for girls to hang out with me >not charming enough for girls to want to date me >aware enough to realize that i dont have a chance 22 KB JPG >autistic enough to keep having in-depth conversations with her in my head
: Anonymous 07/16/18(Mon)21:23:24 No.774541587 >be me >charming enough for girls to hang out with me >not charming enough for girls to want to date me >aware enough to realize that i dont have a chance 22 KB JPG >autistic enough to keep having in-depth conversations with her in my head

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Anon gets nervous | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/23/21(Sat)01:56:55 No.845539312 >in class >sitting really close to crush >she's looked at me a couple times like she was trying to figure me out >when I look back she blinks quickly and looks away 195 KB JPG >whenever I walk by her she seems to get shifty in her seat, and blinks even quicker while looking dead ahead >trying not to look at me >I decide to approach her and when I get close enough she looks at me, blinking even more, and even starting to turn red >I get to her desk and kneel down to talk to her >her face is really red now >with a breathy tone I tell her how beautiful she is, and her eyes water as she gives me a coy smile >her face is really red >now it's blue >she passes out >mfw I remember I haven't showered or brushed my teeth in like 3 weeks
: Anonymous 01/23/21(Sat)01:56:55 No.845539312 >in class >sitting really close to crush >she's looked at me a couple times like she was trying to figure me out >when I look back she blinks quickly and looks away 195 KB JPG >whenever I walk by her she seems to get shifty in her seat, and blinks even quicker while looking dead ahead >trying not to look at me >I decide to approach her and when I get close enough she looks at me, blinking even more, and even starting to turn red >I get to her desk and kneel down to talk to her >her face is really red now >with a breathy tone I tell her how beautiful she is, and her eyes water as she gives me a coy smile >her face is really red >now it's blue >she passes out >mfw I remember I haven't showered or brushed my teeth in like 3 weeks

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anon is alpha | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/04/21(Mon)05:53:46 No.59183897 >be me 17 y/o >just started lifting >would ride bike to gym nearby >had an excellent upper body session >on my bike going through parking lot to head home >decide to do a side chest pose in a car 59 KB JPG window >as I'm holding the pose I start to squint and look closer >car is full of people >alpha as f--- >>59183933 # >>59184338 # >>59187800 # >>59189318 # >>59189337 # >>59189353 # >>59191105 # >>59195683 #
: Anonymous 01/04/21(Mon)05:53:46 No.59183897 >be me 17 y/o >just started lifting >would ride bike to gym nearby >had an excellent upper body session >on my bike going through parking lot to head home >decide to do a side chest pose in a car 59 KB JPG window >as I'm holding the pose I start to squint and look closer >car is full of people >alpha as f--- >>59183933 # >>59184338 # >>59187800 # >>59189318 # >>59189337 # >>59189353 # >>59191105 # >>59195683 #

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It is rape dwarf season | /r/Greentext

>Be me >chilling in the bathtub >pull up a p--- and grab lotion Finna jerk it >run water while doing it >suddenly water starts turning white and sticky 196 KB JPG w--.jpg >hear some weird scratching >turn off water >can hear it better >recognize the sound >that dragging sound in the walls >l've heard it before >nozzle bursts and 2 r--- dwarves shoot out >grip my c--- >start sword fighting with d---- >catch one off guard and wack it outcold.jpg >the other one bites my d--- >i instantly c-- >the orgasm distracts me >r--- dwarf jumps on my face and starts c------ in my nostrils >grab him with right hand and squeeze the f----- as hard as I can >explodes into green slime Not even the pipes are safe, which means no more water. Gonna have to drink my own piss from now on. Wish me luck bois
>Be me >chilling in the bathtub >pull up a p--- and grab lotion Finna jerk it >run water while doing it >suddenly water starts turning white and sticky 196 KB JPG w--.jpg >hear some weird scratching >turn off water >can hear it better >recognize the sound >that dragging sound in the walls >l've heard it before >nozzle bursts and 2 r--- dwarves shoot out >grip my c--- >start sword fighting with d---- >catch one off guard and wack it outcold.jpg >the other one bites my d--- >i instantly c-- >the orgasm distracts me >r--- dwarf jumps on my face and starts c------ in my nostrils >grab him with right hand and squeeze the f----- as hard as I can >explodes into green slime Not even the pipes are safe, which means no more water. Gonna have to drink my own piss from now on. Wish me luck bois

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Anon updates his car warranty | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/22/21(Fri)23:12:59 No.845495295 >taking s--- >get phone call >"hello?" >automated reply about car warranty >very obviously spam >"please press 5 to speak to a specialist" >any chance to tell an Indian to kill themselves 246 KB PNG >press 5 and wait >pajeeta picks up, starts speaking >asks make and model of car >yadda yadda >"I'm going to transfer you to a specialist now" >"um okay" >start thinking of all the horrible names I'm going to call him >hyping myself up >guy picks up >whitest male voice I have ever heard >completely caught off guard >"i-is this a human?" >"yes sir I am a human, now about your warranty..." >compliment him on his accent and he hangs up What the f---, India superpower status imminent
: Anonymous 01/22/21(Fri)23:12:59 No.845495295 >taking s--- >get phone call >"hello?" >automated reply about car warranty >very obviously spam >"please press 5 to speak to a specialist" >any chance to tell an Indian to kill themselves 246 KB PNG >press 5 and wait >pajeeta picks up, starts speaking >asks make and model of car >yadda yadda >"I'm going to transfer you to a specialist now" >"um okay" >start thinking of all the horrible names I'm going to call him >hyping myself up >guy picks up >whitest male voice I have ever heard >completely caught off guard >"i-is this a human?" >"yes sir I am a human, now about your warranty..." >compliment him on his accent and he hangs up What the f---, India superpower status imminent

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If you were in this situation, What would you do? | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/21/21(Thu)23:56:57 No.59480883 >get KO'd by a girl in full contact kickboxing match >hugs me after fight out of pity, chats with me for a long time after, teaches me some moves >she's just 14 >i'm a 19 yr old guy i want to kill myself out of shame 43 KB JPG Anonymous 01/21/21(Thu)23:58:01 No.59480897 >>59480883 (OP) aive her bandcuffs and let her fiuck voU
Anonymous 01/21/21(Thu)23:56:57 No.59480883 >get KO'd by a girl in full contact kickboxing match >hugs me after fight out of pity, chats with me for a long time after, teaches me some moves >she's just 14 >i'm a 19 yr old guy i want to kill myself out of shame 43 KB JPG Anonymous 01/21/21(Thu)23:58:01 No.59480897 >>59480883 (OP) aive her bandcuffs and let her fiuck voU

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