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Anon's first job | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 11/20/16(Sun)00:18:17 No.712346585 File: retarded.jpg (255 KB, 900x900) >be me >15 >first job >golf course >do a little bit of everything >random saturday in July >prepping for a golf outing >manager asks me to put pop in bucket with ice >pic related >why would she want me to do this? >ask her >"just put the pop in the bucket anon" >okay I just don't... >"its not that hard...just put it in the bucket with ice" >okay >begin opening open pop >open can by f------ can >pouring pop into bucket with ice >l get about 75 cans in >cant figure out why im doing this >manager opens up door >"w-- are you doing?!" >she demonstrates for me >"just put the cans in the bucket with ice" >my f------ life sucks >think about how many people had a kek at my expense that night >f---
Anonymous 11/20/16(Sun)00:18:17 No.712346585 File: retarded.jpg (255 KB, 900x900) >be me >15 >first job >golf course >do a little bit of everything >random saturday in July >prepping for a golf outing >manager asks me to put pop in bucket with ice >pic related >why would she want me to do this? >ask her >"just put the pop in the bucket anon" >okay I just don't... >"its not that hard...just put it in the bucket with ice" >okay >begin opening open pop >open can by f------ can >pouring pop into bucket with ice >l get about 75 cans in >cant figure out why im doing this >manager opens up door >"w-- are you doing?!" >she demonstrates for me >"just put the cans in the bucket with ice" >my f------ life sucks >think about how many people had a kek at my expense that night >f---

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Anon likes reddit | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/25/21(Mon)00:00:43 No.845640835 >r/greentext Reddit f--- need to f--- off 843 KB JPG
: Anonymous 01/25/21(Mon)00:00:43 No.845640835 >r/greentext Reddit f--- need to f--- off 843 KB JPG

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Anon uses 100% of brain | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 12/11/20(Fri)23:34:30 No.61342048 (Reply] >one apple a day keeps the doctor away >eat 950,000 apples every day >every doctor in the country is now incapacitated >the United States succumb to corona and the americans go extinct Anonymous 12/11/20(Fri)23:42:31 No.61342151 type of content i come to this place for
O Anonymous 12/11/20(Fri)23:34:30 No.61342048 (Reply] >one apple a day keeps the doctor away >eat 950,000 apples every day >every doctor in the country is now incapacitated >the United States succumb to corona and the americans go extinct Anonymous 12/11/20(Fri)23:42:31 No.61342151 type of content i come to this place for

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Anon passes driving exam | /r/Greentext

>be me >have constant left-right disorientation >18 y/o >take driving test >driving instructor tells me to turn left >turn right >"I told you to turn left, Anon!" 28 KB JPG >"Well, the earth is round, so when I go right, I will eventually come out on the left side." >driving instructor chuckles >I pass the exam imgflip.com
>be me >have constant left-right disorientation >18 y/o >take driving test >driving instructor tells me to turn left >turn right >"I told you to turn left, Anon!" 28 KB JPG >"Well, the earth is round, so when I go right, I will eventually come out on the left side." >driving instructor chuckles >I pass the exam imgflip.com

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Anon goes to school | /r/Greentext


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Anon's gf is getting an abortion | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/19/21(Tue)20:36:54 No.845257423 >girlfriend won't stop crying because she got an abortion >get tired of hearing her s-- >go to clinic and dig out fetus from dumpster >glue googly eyes on it >walk in with it while saying 'mom 232 KB PNG im home' >she cries even harder Jesus, nothing makes this baby killer happy
: Anonymous 01/19/21(Tue)20:36:54 No.845257423 >girlfriend won't stop crying because she got an abortion >get tired of hearing her s-- >go to clinic and dig out fetus from dumpster >glue googly eyes on it >walk in with it while saying 'mom 232 KB PNG im home' >she cries even harder Jesus, nothing makes this baby killer happy

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anon goes to the doctor | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)09:16:28 No.845638579 >can't s--- for days >finally go to doctor >tell him i've tried everything >well anon, have you tried this?' >he buttfucks me >go to bathroom >can s--- again >leave doctor office a sore but happy man 264 KB PNG This doctor is a miracle man!!!
: Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)09:16:28 No.845638579 >can't s--- for days >finally go to doctor >tell him i've tried everything >well anon, have you tried this?' >he buttfucks me >go to bathroom >can s--- again >leave doctor office a sore but happy man 264 KB PNG This doctor is a miracle man!!!

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Anon plays Minecraft with his friends | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/24/21 (Sun)12:32:59 No.62002177 >planned on overdosing on meds today >my friend randomly dm's me on insta asking if I'm okay >we talk about life for a bit >he invites me to his minecraft 22 KB JPG server and discord >we call and play for a bit >feel a bit more valued and loved >don't want to kill myself today anymore t's the little things anons, ask a friend how they're doing. some of us really need it.
: Anonymous 01/24/21 (Sun)12:32:59 No.62002177 >planned on overdosing on meds today >my friend randomly dm's me on insta asking if I'm okay >we talk about life for a bit >he invites me to his minecraft 22 KB JPG server and discord >we call and play for a bit >feel a bit more valued and loved >don't want to kill myself today anymore t's the little things anons, ask a friend how they're doing. some of us really need it.

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Anon walks a dog | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/23/21(Sat)18:53:19 No.845566907 >be me >14M living in Small city in Scotland >average 6/10 but friends like to exaggerate >walking dog late on Friday night > a group of girls who are in my 716 KB JPG year stumble by >drunk obviously >try to clap dog >dog lets them >they don't recognise me >start asking me my name where I'm from etc etc >make up lies whatever let's me get back home earlier to watch AOT S4 >Come up with Chad name and Chad backstory >they seem interested or some do >one girl asks for my Snapchat >I said I don't use it (lie) >she's fine with it >wishes me a good night >wake up next day >realise I am a f------ idiot >put M1Garand in my mouth >too much of a p---- to pull trigger >at some speech later on that night >small kid comes up to me and tells me I have an old friend >"Hey Reiner, It's been four years." >oh god oh f---
: Anonymous 01/23/21(Sat)18:53:19 No.845566907 >be me >14M living in Small city in Scotland >average 6/10 but friends like to exaggerate >walking dog late on Friday night > a group of girls who are in my 716 KB JPG year stumble by >drunk obviously >try to clap dog >dog lets them >they don't recognise me >start asking me my name where I'm from etc etc >make up lies whatever let's me get back home earlier to watch AOT S4 >Come up with Chad name and Chad backstory >they seem interested or some do >one girl asks for my Snapchat >I said I don't use it (lie) >she's fine with it >wishes me a good night >wake up next day >realise I am a f------ idiot >put M1Garand in my mouth >too much of a p---- to pull trigger >at some speech later on that night >small kid comes up to me and tells me I have an old friend >"Hey Reiner, It's been four years." >oh god oh f---

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Anon is a goddam king | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)16:08:20 No.62004095 >download tinder years ago >don't really use it. When I did use it I swiped right on just about everyone, so I randomly get matches a few times a week from girls I swiped right on ages ago >Cute girl messages me >only lives 1 mile away 25 KB PNG >we talk for a bit >she is really friendly and says she wants to hang out tonight >she mentions how I'm playing guitar in one of my pictures >says some cheesy line "well maybe we could play tonight :)" >send her my address >she comes over >l start playing guitar >at first she's really happy and enjoying it, then after 20 minutes of me playing she leans back onto the bed and puts her leg over me >she's wearing a short skirt, I can see her underwear >w-- >starts rubbing my chest and pushing her face into my neck >I keep playing guitar >she rubs my thigh right next to my d--- >politely brush her hand aside and keep playing guitar >she says "what's wrong? I don't get you." >tell her I just want to literally play, not do anything sexual >"why not?" >point to picture of Jesus I have on my wall >she laughs snidely >realizes I'm not joking around >she actually gets up, puts on her shoes, and leaves without saying anything apparently she wasn't 1 mile away, she was in a city that's 45 minutes away when she messaged me. She drove nearly an hour to see me. Not sure why she got mad. I never flirted back with her, was very passive, and I told her l'm Christian. to be honest it is actually pretty funny and I think l'll keep tinder on my phone just because I feel like I did a good thing. 4 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)16:09:48 No.62004107 >>62004095 (OP) # King s--- you passed the test imgflip.com
: Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)16:08:20 No.62004095 >download tinder years ago >don't really use it. When I did use it I swiped right on just about everyone, so I randomly get matches a few times a week from girls I swiped right on ages ago >Cute girl messages me >only lives 1 mile away 25 KB PNG >we talk for a bit >she is really friendly and says she wants to hang out tonight >she mentions how I'm playing guitar in one of my pictures >says some cheesy line "well maybe we could play tonight :)" >send her my address >she comes over >l start playing guitar >at first she's really happy and enjoying it, then after 20 minutes of me playing she leans back onto the bed and puts her leg over me >she's wearing a short skirt, I can see her underwear >w-- >starts rubbing my chest and pushing her face into my neck >I keep playing guitar >she rubs my thigh right next to my d--- >politely brush her hand aside and keep playing guitar >she says "what's wrong? I don't get you." >tell her I just want to literally play, not do anything sexual >"why not?" >point to picture of Jesus I have on my wall >she laughs snidely >realizes I'm not joking around >she actually gets up, puts on her shoes, and leaves without saying anything apparently she wasn't 1 mile away, she was in a city that's 45 minutes away when she messaged me. She drove nearly an hour to see me. Not sure why she got mad. I never flirted back with her, was very passive, and I told her l'm Christian. to be honest it is actually pretty funny and I think l'll keep tinder on my phone just because I feel like I did a good thing. 4 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)16:09:48 No.62004107 >>62004095 (OP) # King s--- you passed the test imgflip.com

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Anon is the victim of a joke | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/13/18(Sat)09:06:41 No.10531852 >walking home at night >pass a group of youths >one of them tells me dropped my gay card >I look down for it and 71 KB JPG realise I've been the victim of a practical joke >l am unmoved, I tell the youth that his provocations are futile because I am a stoic >he bursts out laughing and says it's pronounced stow-ic, not stoike >break down and cry in the street >>10532164 # >>10532217 # >>10532453 # >>10532459 #3
: Anonymous 01/13/18(Sat)09:06:41 No.10531852 >walking home at night >pass a group of youths >one of them tells me dropped my gay card >I look down for it and 71 KB JPG realise I've been the victim of a practical joke >l am unmoved, I tell the youth that his provocations are futile because I am a stoic >he bursts out laughing and says it's pronounced stow-ic, not stoike >break down and cry in the street >>10532164 # >>10532217 # >>10532453 # >>10532459 #3

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Anon goes to Japan | /r/Greentext

No.775068392 9 minutes ago Superthumb.jpg JPG 29.1 KIB 300x250 > Be me, 25 years old Italian guy. Living in the UK for the last 6 years. >I have been working in the same hotel for 4 years already. Its a really large hotel with over 300 workers. >Really hot girl in room service. Try to speak to her whenever I have chance. She's Polish. Really hot. 3.1416. >It's getting hard to get her attention so I've got nervous and tell her I have the cancer. It's a lie. >Only have 5 moths left to live. >Don't tell anybody I'm too shy. >l got her attention. All good. >next week I found out she told everybody and they made a fund to pay me a holiday in Japan. I told her my dream would be to live in Japan. >They got over £3000. They paid me a whole month in Japan. Starts next week. >l don't know what to do. >340 people are expecting me to die in less than 5 months. 8 replies
No.775068392 9 minutes ago Superthumb.jpg JPG 29.1 KIB 300x250 > Be me, 25 years old Italian guy. Living in the UK for the last 6 years. >I have been working in the same hotel for 4 years already. Its a really large hotel with over 300 workers. >Really hot girl in room service. Try to speak to her whenever I have chance. She's Polish. Really hot. 3.1416. >It's getting hard to get her attention so I've got nervous and tell her I have the cancer. It's a lie. >Only have 5 moths left to live. >Don't tell anybody I'm too shy. >l got her attention. All good. >next week I found out she told everybody and they made a fund to pay me a holiday in Japan. I told her my dream would be to live in Japan. >They got over £3000. They paid me a whole month in Japan. Starts next week. >l don't know what to do. >340 people are expecting me to die in less than 5 months. 8 replies

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Grandpa watching anime | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/24/20(Thu)15:55:31 No.61536939 >be me, family over for Christmas Eve >grandpa comes over too, he's sort of a nerd and loves older comic books 30 KB JPG >go to my room because I want to be alone >start watching Attack on Titan and hear a knock at the door >"hey anon, whatcha up to?", it's my grandpa >decide he's nerd enough that he would get anime >start showing him attack on titan and explaining lore and showing off figures i have >he looks super interested and smiles a lot and eventually leaves >mfw later overhear him asking my mom if i have any learning disabilities
: Anonymous 12/24/20(Thu)15:55:31 No.61536939 >be me, family over for Christmas Eve >grandpa comes over too, he's sort of a nerd and loves older comic books 30 KB JPG >go to my room because I want to be alone >start watching Attack on Titan and hear a knock at the door >"hey anon, whatcha up to?", it's my grandpa >decide he's nerd enough that he would get anime >start showing him attack on titan and explaining lore and showing off figures i have >he looks super interested and smiles a lot and eventually leaves >mfw later overhear him asking my mom if i have any learning disabilities

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Anon has heterosexual sex | /r/Greentext

5 Re 1 Img JPG 81KB (550 x 550) 3 Replies >be me >permavirgin >only matches on tinder are bots >change settings to look for dudes just to see the competition >didn't know this dudes we also looking for dudes so I accidentally got on the gay section >get 15 potential matches in a 10 minute span >decide to pay for tinder plus just to see the kind of guys i could date if i were gay >talk to some of them and we really get along >idea.jpg >invite the most feminine looking to my house to watch a movie >make a twitter and change my pronouns to she/her to become a female >dude comes home and I completely violently annihilate his anus >dude leaves and block him from everything >go to twitter and change my pronouns back to he/him >tfw when lost my virginity and had heterosexual sex
5 Re 1 Img JPG 81KB (550 x 550) 3 Replies >be me >permavirgin >only matches on tinder are bots >change settings to look for dudes just to see the competition >didn't know this dudes we also looking for dudes so I accidentally got on the gay section >get 15 potential matches in a 10 minute span >decide to pay for tinder plus just to see the kind of guys i could date if i were gay >talk to some of them and we really get along >idea.jpg >invite the most feminine looking to my house to watch a movie >make a twitter and change my pronouns to she/her to become a female >dude comes home and I completely violently annihilate his anus >dude leaves and block him from everything >go to twitter and change my pronouns back to he/him >tfw when lost my virginity and had heterosexual sex

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anon accelerates | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/23/21(Sat)23:46:07 No.845578267 REMEMBER. >I spend hours every day on Omegle chat rooms sending horny grown men to the instagrams and Snapchat's belonging to w----- from my high school or whoever I AGGRAVATION IS ACCELERATION! feel like 161 KB JPG What do you do to accelerate?
: Anonymous 01/23/21(Sat)23:46:07 No.845578267 REMEMBER. >I spend hours every day on Omegle chat rooms sending horny grown men to the instagrams and Snapchat's belonging to w----- from my high school or whoever I AGGRAVATION IS ACCELERATION! feel like 161 KB JPG What do you do to accelerate?

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Anon mets his neighbour | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 01/23/21(Sat)16:22:47 No.845552572 [Reply] >>845552656 >>845552722 >Be me >On my way home from work >Enter front door, push elevator button >See neighbour enter through the front door >Instead of holding it for him I press my floor's button and go up >MFW I know he has to wait for me to go up and the elevator to go back down How was your day, /bl? Anonymous 01/23/21(Sat)16:24:27 No.845552656 >>845552572 (OP) >haha i slightly inconvenienced someone xD Is this what your life is OP? How pathetic.
O Anonymous 01/23/21(Sat)16:22:47 No.845552572 [Reply] >>845552656 >>845552722 >Be me >On my way home from work >Enter front door, push elevator button >See neighbour enter through the front door >Instead of holding it for him I press my floor's button and go up >MFW I know he has to wait for me to go up and the elevator to go back down How was your day, /bl? Anonymous 01/23/21(Sat)16:24:27 No.845552656 >>845552572 (OP) >haha i slightly inconvenienced someone xD Is this what your life is OP? How pathetic.

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Anons dog shits Condoms | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/23/21(Sat)17:55:42 No.845594888 >J------- in a condom INCREDIBLE >whatever feels different than normal >throw it away once I finish >put it at the bottom of the trash so ABSOLUTELY PHENOMENAL no one sees 243 KB JPG >next day >come home from work and trash is all over my room floor >oh f--- >my dog mustť've gone through the trash >frantically pick up trash >condom is no where to be found Comment too long. Click here to view the full text. 3 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 01/23/21(Sat)17:57:41 No.845595026 >>845594888 (OP) # If it did, it will be s------- it out soon. How do you explain to your mom that a condom is coming out of the dog's ass?
: Anonymous 01/23/21(Sat)17:55:42 No.845594888 >J------- in a condom INCREDIBLE >whatever feels different than normal >throw it away once I finish >put it at the bottom of the trash so ABSOLUTELY PHENOMENAL no one sees 243 KB JPG >next day >come home from work and trash is all over my room floor >oh f--- >my dog mustť've gone through the trash >frantically pick up trash >condom is no where to be found Comment too long. Click here to view the full text. 3 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 01/23/21(Sat)17:57:41 No.845595026 >>845594888 (OP) # If it did, it will be s------- it out soon. How do you explain to your mom that a condom is coming out of the dog's ass?

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Anon must continue his bloodline | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/23/21(Sat)17:22:54 No.61999933 >be me >chillin in my room >mom comes in, tells me my sister is gay >kinda figured she was before, haircut, had a couple rainbow flags, thought she was bi tho 14 KB PNG >now realised my entire family's bloodline relies on me now >me >mfw just f--- my life man, all i feel is limitless guilt doom and despair I don't even care that she's gay, i support her, but this realisation has just made me feel 1000x worse about it 9 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 01/23/21(Sat)17:22:54 No.61999933 >be me >chillin in my room >mom comes in, tells me my sister is gay >kinda figured she was before, haircut, had a couple rainbow flags, thought she was bi tho 14 KB PNG >now realised my entire family's bloodline relies on me now >me >mfw just f--- my life man, all i feel is limitless guilt doom and despair I don't even care that she's gay, i support her, but this realisation has just made me feel 1000x worse about it 9 Replies View Thread

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anons uncle went to school with biden | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: CM+RPH C) E 01/24/21(Sun)01:18:45 No.304755735 America is done Tast hope of the west numales voter fraud IMSM WW3 women smeal CTR MAnA AKE AMERKA GREAT AGAIN stal we're f----- (((democracy)) cuckservatives secede revolution Tm moving to based poland Texit when? MAKR Gn Soros rigged voting machines biden.jpg 107 KB JPG >uncle went to elementary school with Joe Biden >everyday Biden refused to trade his snack pack with my uncle at lunch You guys elected the literal devil as president. Hope you can live with that. 石口口
: Anonymous (ID: CM+RPH C) E 01/24/21(Sun)01:18:45 No.304755735 America is done Tast hope of the west numales voter fraud IMSM WW3 women smeal CTR MAnA AKE AMERKA GREAT AGAIN stal we're f----- (((democracy)) cuckservatives secede revolution Tm moving to based poland Texit when? MAKR Gn Soros rigged voting machines biden.jpg 107 KB JPG >uncle went to elementary school with Joe Biden >everyday Biden refused to trade his snack pack with my uncle at lunch You guys elected the literal devil as president. Hope you can live with that. 石口口

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Anon has an epiphany | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)08:18:56 No.62001152 Anyone else probably gonna die a virgin because you refuse to settle for the fat/ugly easy girls? I'm just not even interested in anything less than a qt, or at least a chubby girl with sexy fat distribution and a 84 KB JPG decent face. : Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)08:21:17 No.62001180 >>62001152 (OP) # >applies reverse logic >realises women will never settle for him 23 KB PNG tfw
: Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)08:18:56 No.62001152 Anyone else probably gonna die a virgin because you refuse to settle for the fat/ugly easy girls? I'm just not even interested in anything less than a qt, or at least a chubby girl with sexy fat distribution and a 84 KB JPG decent face. : Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)08:21:17 No.62001180 >>62001152 (OP) # >applies reverse logic >realises women will never settle for him 23 KB PNG tfw

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