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anon and his uncle | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/22/21 (Fri)10:58:16 No.845474748 >uncle dies >while searching his house find cd labeled 'me & anon's greatest bonding moment' >pop it in laptop >mfw its a sex tape he made with me when i was 6 15 KB JPG Subscribe to my highest tier on onlyfans 'thegapedanon' and i will send you a hand signed copy in the mail!!
: Anonymous 01/22/21 (Fri)10:58:16 No.845474748 >uncle dies >while searching his house find cd labeled 'me & anon's greatest bonding moment' >pop it in laptop >mfw its a sex tape he made with me when i was 6 15 KB JPG Subscribe to my highest tier on onlyfans 'thegapedanon' and i will send you a hand signed copy in the mail!!

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Anon falls (twice) | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/13/21(Wed)06:12:15 No.844689794 >>844672184 (OP) # >be me >9 or 10 forgot >last day of vacation >grandad takes me to some s----- 599 KB JPG scooters >i get my own for an hour >yay >getting back from ride >ramp in front of me >looking to the side for some dumbass reason >i drive on the ramp and do a crazy air jump >feels awesome >another ramp is in front of me >i fall off the scooter >ohshit.jpg| >right knee hits edge of other ramp >entire knee gets f------ demolished >cries >grandad calls random nurse to help >she pours my knee over with some random s--- >cries >nurse gets mad that i'm crying >cries again >she finally stops being a bitch >we go back home >had to wear big ass bandages >they stick to my wound >i have to rip them off everyday and change for new ones >hurts >couple of months until leg somewhat recovers >goes back to school >one week in i fall over on the same knee >more recovery >goes back to school again >i fall on the same knee for the second time >mfw
: Anonymous 01/13/21(Wed)06:12:15 No.844689794 >>844672184 (OP) # >be me >9 or 10 forgot >last day of vacation >grandad takes me to some s----- 599 KB JPG scooters >i get my own for an hour >yay >getting back from ride >ramp in front of me >looking to the side for some dumbass reason >i drive on the ramp and do a crazy air jump >feels awesome >another ramp is in front of me >i fall off the scooter >ohshit.jpg| >right knee hits edge of other ramp >entire knee gets f------ demolished >cries >grandad calls random nurse to help >she pours my knee over with some random s--- >cries >nurse gets mad that i'm crying >cries again >she finally stops being a bitch >we go back home >had to wear big ass bandages >they stick to my wound >i have to rip them off everyday and change for new ones >hurts >couple of months until leg somewhat recovers >goes back to school >one week in i fall over on the same knee >more recovery >goes back to school again >i fall on the same knee for the second time >mfw

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Hands off the wheel | /r/Greentext

File: pepe slaves awat.jpg (84 KB, 1000x563) Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)11:34:20 No.62008455 [Reply] >>62008512 >>62008562 >be 26, wageslave for 7 years >save like 150k because im a hermit that doesn't go anywhere or do anything >never make more than a few dollars above minimum wage but whatever >never made enough to afford rent so I never moved out >lose my job because of corona, collect like 15k in unemployment, feelsgoodman >only jobs available to me now are full time minimum wage s--- jobs or back breaking warehouse jobs that pay like $3 above minimum wage >f--- that, im not bringing home corona to my parents for a $300 check >still give my parents rent >they're on my ass about getting a job and moving out >tell them l'm going to keep paying rent and when the pandemic lets up l'm going to go back to work to save another 50k and then buy a house >told them I would be out of the house two years give or take >they tell me its unwise to buy a house without a career >tell them my plan is to buy a 3-4 bedroom house, rent out two rooms, which will cover all my bills >they inform of things like property tax and upkeep as if I didn't already know about those things >tell them $12,000 -$15,000 a year in rental income will be more than enough to cover property tax, income tax, repairs, upkeep, and utilities >with my savings and the fact III be working I will be fine >they call me lazy for not wanting more in life >inform them I just worked 7 years straight making below a living wage >tell them they no problem watching me slave away without working towards a career >tell them by 29 III be moving out and that's that >dad ups my rent by $200 kek >mom says I should become a nurse >"yeah mom, I have crippling OCD and anxiety, giving people medications is the best career for me" >she starts to cry, tells me to see a doctor >dad tells me there are better jobs out there than just working retail >tell him to show me the door to a living wage job and III do it >he gets mad and says im being ridiculous anyway how was your morning bots?
File: pepe slaves awat.jpg (84 KB, 1000x563) Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)11:34:20 No.62008455 [Reply] >>62008512 >>62008562 >be 26, wageslave for 7 years >save like 150k because im a hermit that doesn't go anywhere or do anything >never make more than a few dollars above minimum wage but whatever >never made enough to afford rent so I never moved out >lose my job because of corona, collect like 15k in unemployment, feelsgoodman >only jobs available to me now are full time minimum wage s--- jobs or back breaking warehouse jobs that pay like $3 above minimum wage >f--- that, im not bringing home corona to my parents for a $300 check >still give my parents rent >they're on my ass about getting a job and moving out >tell them l'm going to keep paying rent and when the pandemic lets up l'm going to go back to work to save another 50k and then buy a house >told them I would be out of the house two years give or take >they tell me its unwise to buy a house without a career >tell them my plan is to buy a 3-4 bedroom house, rent out two rooms, which will cover all my bills >they inform of things like property tax and upkeep as if I didn't already know about those things >tell them $12,000 -$15,000 a year in rental income will be more than enough to cover property tax, income tax, repairs, upkeep, and utilities >with my savings and the fact III be working I will be fine >they call me lazy for not wanting more in life >inform them I just worked 7 years straight making below a living wage >tell them they no problem watching me slave away without working towards a career >tell them by 29 III be moving out and that's that >dad ups my rent by $200 kek >mom says I should become a nurse >"yeah mom, I have crippling OCD and anxiety, giving people medications is the best career for me" >she starts to cry, tells me to see a doctor >dad tells me there are better jobs out there than just working retail >tell him to show me the door to a living wage job and III do it >he gets mad and says im being ridiculous anyway how was your morning bots?

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Where is the map? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/12/18(Thu)09:25:08 No.44631832 >be me, 7 yo >go outside a lot because parent don't gaf >have a friend who's always monkeying around >we go around town together a lot for fun >like to call them "adventures" and 39 KB PNG "quests" and what not >pretend like we're the best explorer in town >me and friend always run into this thug who's tryna rob us >we tell him to f--- off >somehow that worked and we managed to get away >i always carry my map and it tells me where to go >always have my backpack in case i need some supplies >me and my bud would set a destination to reach >when we get there, we would yell "We did it!" over and over >every. single. time! >mfw i'm dora the explorer
: Anonymous 04/12/18(Thu)09:25:08 No.44631832 >be me, 7 yo >go outside a lot because parent don't gaf >have a friend who's always monkeying around >we go around town together a lot for fun >like to call them "adventures" and 39 KB PNG "quests" and what not >pretend like we're the best explorer in town >me and friend always run into this thug who's tryna rob us >we tell him to f--- off >somehow that worked and we managed to get away >i always carry my map and it tells me where to go >always have my backpack in case i need some supplies >me and my bud would set a destination to reach >when we get there, we would yell "We did it!" over and over >every. single. time! >mfw i'm dora the explorer

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Anon relapses | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous I am too weak for nofap 01/24/21(Sun)17:22:12 No.62012997 >attempt nofap 1st time >successfully stop jerking off for 5 months >decide to j------- once and stop right after just to see how good the fap would be >since I broke the streak, might aswell do it another time 26 KB JPG >Im gonna stop, I swear >s---, Im too F------ HORNY >HOW HORNY CAN I GET WTE >OK IM STOPPING FOR GOOD >l am weak its almost been 2 months I simply cant stop
: Anonymous I am too weak for nofap 01/24/21(Sun)17:22:12 No.62012997 >attempt nofap 1st time >successfully stop jerking off for 5 months >decide to j------- once and stop right after just to see how good the fap would be >since I broke the streak, might aswell do it another time 26 KB JPG >Im gonna stop, I swear >s---, Im too F------ HORNY >HOW HORNY CAN I GET WTE >OK IM STOPPING FOR GOOD >l am weak its almost been 2 months I simply cant stop

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Anon gets robbed | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 35736617 28 min. ago ... >be me >high school >2 days ago >in math class >bored af so I do drawings on paper >only thing I can draw are pepes because 4chan >girl on my left sees it even though i tried to hide my pepes >"is that pepe ?" >sweatingpepe.jpg >"y-yes" >girl : "you can draw well. pepe is so JPG 21.3 kB cute" >"t-t-thanks" >she keeps talking to me like i have autism >she's a 8/10 >she is actually nice to me >she is obviously flirting even though i behave like the beta i am >she asks me if she can come to my house >"o-ok-kay" >we go together to my house >she wants to see my room >she keeps being flirty >we are inside my room >i am starting to get a hard on >f--- >"anon, do you have somethin drink ?" >"y-yes" >go to kitchen for a glass of coca cola >feels like it's finally going to happen >suddenly hear a sound coming from my room >it a sound of my computer >go back fast to my room >opens door >she is using my computer >she plugged a usb key in my computer >she is copying a folder or something >can't see what it is >too beta to ask >"oh anon you are here" >copy finished >she removes her usb key >"i should better go anon" >she leaves without a word >once she left I look on my computer >/rare/ folder copied >i finally realize what happened >she stole my rare pepes >all she wanted was my pepe collection
Anonymous 35736617 28 min. ago ... >be me >high school >2 days ago >in math class >bored af so I do drawings on paper >only thing I can draw are pepes because 4chan >girl on my left sees it even though i tried to hide my pepes >"is that pepe ?" >sweatingpepe.jpg >"y-yes" >girl : "you can draw well. pepe is so JPG 21.3 kB cute" >"t-t-thanks" >she keeps talking to me like i have autism >she's a 8/10 >she is actually nice to me >she is obviously flirting even though i behave like the beta i am >she asks me if she can come to my house >"o-ok-kay" >we go together to my house >she wants to see my room >she keeps being flirty >we are inside my room >i am starting to get a hard on >f--- >"anon, do you have somethin drink ?" >"y-yes" >go to kitchen for a glass of coca cola >feels like it's finally going to happen >suddenly hear a sound coming from my room >it a sound of my computer >go back fast to my room >opens door >she is using my computer >she plugged a usb key in my computer >she is copying a folder or something >can't see what it is >too beta to ask >"oh anon you are here" >copy finished >she removes her usb key >"i should better go anon" >she leaves without a word >once she left I look on my computer >/rare/ folder copied >i finally realize what happened >she stole my rare pepes >all she wanted was my pepe collection

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Anon is an elite hackerman | /r/Greentext

Ibl Anonymous 01/25/21(Mon)09:40:21 No.845707015 >be me >elite hackerman >i have ransomed more than 69 terabytes of nudes >i have the nudes of the hottest women in the world >i leak onlyfans once and fbi gets involved >i freak out >i hide all the evidence > readys escape tunnel > readys plan b >plan b is suicide > fbi knock on door > turns out they just wanted some nudes
Ibl Anonymous 01/25/21(Mon)09:40:21 No.845707015 >be me >elite hackerman >i have ransomed more than 69 terabytes of nudes >i have the nudes of the hottest women in the world >i leak onlyfans once and fbi gets involved >i freak out >i hide all the evidence > readys escape tunnel > readys plan b >plan b is suicide > fbi knock on door > turns out they just wanted some nudes

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Anon dabbles in the supernatural | /r/Greentext


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Anon is good at math | /r/Greentext


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Anon was the ugly kid | /r/Greentext


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Anon is a sick fuck | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)15:42:47 No.845661732 >watching TV >see another Bread for the World commercial for the 50th time today >j------- for the 50th time today 53 KB JPG Ever since i discovered i have a malnutrition fetish, i notice more of these starvation charity commercials playing. Like they are c--- teasing me or something. Who knew charities were so naughty
: Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)15:42:47 No.845661732 >watching TV >see another Bread for the World commercial for the 50th time today >j------- for the 50th time today 53 KB JPG Ever since i discovered i have a malnutrition fetish, i notice more of these starvation charity commercials playing. Like they are c--- teasing me or something. Who knew charities were so naughty

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Anon has a dream | /r/Greentext


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I think Anon likes Godzilla more | /r/Greentext

I'm sorry, but the amount of retards that think King Kong is going to win against Godzilla is hilarious. Like seriously, let's match them up: 190 KB PNG King Kong: >super strong >monkey >probably eats his own s--- >died to airplanes/bullets Godzilla >atomic breath >sprial atomiC ray >nuclear pulse >energy absorption >super durability >regenative healing factor >immense super strength >super stamina >can use its tail for attack >flight >can live either in the water or land >intelligence that can surpass humans >people actully had to more effort in killing him than just using guns Seriously, I am all ears, how can king kong win this?
I'm sorry, but the amount of retards that think King Kong is going to win against Godzilla is hilarious. Like seriously, let's match them up: 190 KB PNG King Kong: >super strong >monkey >probably eats his own s--- >died to airplanes/bullets Godzilla >atomic breath >sprial atomiC ray >nuclear pulse >energy absorption >super durability >regenative healing factor >immense super strength >super stamina >can use its tail for attack >flight >can live either in the water or land >intelligence that can surpass humans >people actully had to more effort in killing him than just using guns Seriously, I am all ears, how can king kong win this?

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Gigachad helps anon in the kitchen | /r/Greentext

gigachad2.jpg 67 KB JPG >Hey soyjak, I just finished cleaning the kitchen. You really need to take better care of your pans - I had to soak the cast iron one overnight and scrub the hell out of it with steel wool just to get all that grime off the bottom.
gigachad2.jpg 67 KB JPG >Hey soyjak, I just finished cleaning the kitchen. You really need to take better care of your pans - I had to soak the cast iron one overnight and scrub the hell out of it with steel wool just to get all that grime off the bottom.

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Anon has it good | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/30/19(Tue)10:08:19 No.53656767 >be boomer >cooking steak on the grill >using spare college degrees to fuel fire >smells like when we used to ORISTAL napalm the g---- >flip steak >top side of steak is branded with 100 KB JPG Ronald Reagan's face >l can feel the patriotism coursing through my veins >pick up bottle of steak sauce >bottle is empty These damn millennials are f------ us in the ass.
: Anonymous 07/30/19(Tue)10:08:19 No.53656767 >be boomer >cooking steak on the grill >using spare college degrees to fuel fire >smells like when we used to ORISTAL napalm the g---- >flip steak >top side of steak is branded with 100 KB JPG Ronald Reagan's face >l can feel the patriotism coursing through my veins >pick up bottle of steak sauce >bottle is empty These damn millennials are f------ us in the ass.

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anon buys a sex robot | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)20:59:35 No.845684149 >buy sex droid from amazon >boot her up walm >'BeckyAl version 0.9304 running on Windows Vista' >'who is user?' Microroft 59 KB JPG >point to me >she stares at me for a few moments >she reaches for gun on nearby table and blows her motherboard out of her cranium >mfw it is the 3rd bot to do this in a row Well i guess its back to r----- for casual sex
: Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)20:59:35 No.845684149 >buy sex droid from amazon >boot her up walm >'BeckyAl version 0.9304 running on Windows Vista' >'who is user?' Microroft 59 KB JPG >point to me >she stares at me for a few moments >she reaches for gun on nearby table and blows her motherboard out of her cranium >mfw it is the 3rd bot to do this in a row Well i guess its back to r----- for casual sex

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Anons computer dies | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)17:14:36 No.845668083 >*hear grinding noise* >*start to stumble* >*looks at me* >*sad 80s movie music starts to play* >i've seen things you people 394 KB PNG wouldn't believe >folders and folders of memes in the 'Documents' directory >20 chrome tabs of questionable hentai up at once then suddenly closed >movies and games pirated in mass >all those moments...will be lost in time >like, tears...in rain >*looks at me and smiles* >time, to die >*dove flys away in slow motion* >mfw my hard drive of the last 12 years just died
: Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)17:14:36 No.845668083 >*hear grinding noise* >*start to stumble* >*looks at me* >*sad 80s movie music starts to play* >i've seen things you people 394 KB PNG wouldn't believe >folders and folders of memes in the 'Documents' directory >20 chrome tabs of questionable hentai up at once then suddenly closed >movies and games pirated in mass >all those moments...will be lost in time >like, tears...in rain >*looks at me and smiles* >time, to die >*dove flys away in slow motion* >mfw my hard drive of the last 12 years just died

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Anon destroy white kids | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)23:36:10 No.138321587 >in primary school >white kid calls me some racist O9 s--- >l tell him santa isn't real >he starts crying and tells the teacher 90 KB JPG >l get in trouble does this happen in your country
: Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)23:36:10 No.138321587 >in primary school >white kid calls me some racist O9 s--- >l tell him santa isn't real >he starts crying and tells the teacher 90 KB JPG >l get in trouble does this happen in your country

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Anon barbecues chicken | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/04/18(Thu)07:23:02 No.48496147 >be dinner time >barbecuing chicken >touch the chicken breast See ya later virgins 151 KB JPG
: Anonymous 10/04/18(Thu)07:23:02 No.48496147 >be dinner time >barbecuing chicken >touch the chicken breast See ya later virgins 151 KB JPG

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Anon doesn't know war | /r/Greentext

aab4b10cb33410d587a7191e363e00d2.jpg 52 KB JPG >be me >have robot friends during WW2 >we're in our comfy foxholes >drinking some hot joe Why does WW2 look so aesthetic? : Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)19:03:50 No.62009417 >>62009182 (OP) # >Dan gets up to s--- and steps on a Land mine >F--- F--- F--- the perimeter was supposed to be clear >We all rush to help him >One legs gone the other a mangled mess >Belly cut open by shrapnel, he's desperately trying to hold his intestines in >On the grass a mixture of s--- and Blood >He's crying and screamin for his mother >John gives him double the dose of morphine to lessen his suffering >Still crying, gives me a letter he was supposed to send to his girlfriend back home >Begs me to tell her he died heroically >Finally loses consciusness >Take his body to home base and get back in the Fox hole >Cant forget his cries >I Need to s--- too >Could have been me
aab4b10cb33410d587a7191e363e00d2.jpg 52 KB JPG >be me >have robot friends during WW2 >we're in our comfy foxholes >drinking some hot joe Why does WW2 look so aesthetic? : Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)19:03:50 No.62009417 >>62009182 (OP) # >Dan gets up to s--- and steps on a Land mine >F--- F--- F--- the perimeter was supposed to be clear >We all rush to help him >One legs gone the other a mangled mess >Belly cut open by shrapnel, he's desperately trying to hold his intestines in >On the grass a mixture of s--- and Blood >He's crying and screamin for his mother >John gives him double the dose of morphine to lessen his suffering >Still crying, gives me a letter he was supposed to send to his girlfriend back home >Begs me to tell her he died heroically >Finally loses consciusness >Take his body to home base and get back in the Fox hole >Cant forget his cries >I Need to s--- too >Could have been me

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