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Anon has goldfish | /r/Greentext

>be me >in college >talking to qt3.14 >run out of topics >panicensues.gif >decide to lie to keep FEEL TEAM SIX 46 KB JPG conversation going >tell her I have a goldfish pond in my backyard >wutdafuqm8.jpg >"That's so cool, you think I could come see it sometime?" >howdidthatwork.png >exchange numbers, realize what I've done >go home and promptly dig a goldfish pond and fill it with water >get necessary items from pet store (filter, plants, goldfish, etc.) >pond is f------ amazing >go to contact girl >girl never responds to my calls/texts >3 years later l'm still taking care of 14 goldfish in my back yard >one has had babies and two more are pregnant >mfw the goldfish are having more sex than me
>be me >in college >talking to qt3.14 >run out of topics >panicensues.gif >decide to lie to keep FEEL TEAM SIX 46 KB JPG conversation going >tell her I have a goldfish pond in my backyard >wutdafuqm8.jpg >"That's so cool, you think I could come see it sometime?" >howdidthatwork.png >exchange numbers, realize what I've done >go home and promptly dig a goldfish pond and fill it with water >get necessary items from pet store (filter, plants, goldfish, etc.) >pond is f------ amazing >go to contact girl >girl never responds to my calls/texts >3 years later l'm still taking care of 14 goldfish in my back yard >one has had babies and two more are pregnant >mfw the goldfish are having more sex than me

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Anon is british | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/25/21(Mon)11:46:25 No.845711529 >be me >british >f---
Anonymous 01/25/21(Mon)11:46:25 No.845711529 >be me >british >f---

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Anon studies the blade | /r/Greentext

File: 58f81fc541af3465ad5f827f61a94eea.jpg (104 KB, 900x1200) O Anonymous 01/25/21(Mon)14:18:23 No.845714810 [Reply] >>845715175 >>845715201 >>845715273 >>845715297 >>845715318 >>845715 >>845716472 >>845716612 Why don't you own a katana? Showing all replies. >> Anonymous 01/25/21(Mon)14:21:44 No.845714948 >>845714810 (OP) im not a virgin >> Anonymous 01/25/21(Mon)14:21:57 No.845714952 >>845714810 (OP). Because l'm not a soyboy man child
File: 58f81fc541af3465ad5f827f61a94eea.jpg (104 KB, 900x1200) O Anonymous 01/25/21(Mon)14:18:23 No.845714810 [Reply] >>845715175 >>845715201 >>845715273 >>845715297 >>845715318 >>845715 >>845716472 >>845716612 Why don't you own a katana? Showing all replies. >> Anonymous 01/25/21(Mon)14:21:44 No.845714948 >>845714810 (OP) im not a virgin >> Anonymous 01/25/21(Mon)14:21:57 No.845714952 >>845714810 (OP). Because l'm not a soyboy man child

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Anon plays COD | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/25/21(Mon)17:37:21 No.62024875 >>62024646 # >match beginning in 5 >unmute mic >take off headset >shove mic as far into my mouth as i can >make incoherent great ape 237 KB PNG noise that would make my ancestors proud >while breathing into the mic >shake it around, too >i was not involved in your arguments >game is done loading >mute mic >everyone is trying to figure out who it is >they don't know >it's search and destroy >camp spawn with riot shield or hiding prone somewhere >last one left >everyone can see me now >spin circles, go to edge >jump at edge >spin circles jump off and 360 RPG myself on the cliff on the way down >DUUUUUDE WHAT THE FUUUUCK Call of duty was something else
: Anonymous 01/25/21(Mon)17:37:21 No.62024875 >>62024646 # >match beginning in 5 >unmute mic >take off headset >shove mic as far into my mouth as i can >make incoherent great ape 237 KB PNG noise that would make my ancestors proud >while breathing into the mic >shake it around, too >i was not involved in your arguments >game is done loading >mute mic >everyone is trying to figure out who it is >they don't know >it's search and destroy >camp spawn with riot shield or hiding prone somewhere >last one left >everyone can see me now >spin circles, go to edge >jump at edge >spin circles jump off and 360 RPG myself on the cliff on the way down >DUUUUUDE WHAT THE FUUUUCK Call of duty was something else

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Anon pulls off an epic prank | /r/Greentext

>>58065875 # Woah. that's E heavy cringe. I don't think I would date a woman under 6'3 >>58066044 # E Anonymous 10/24/20(Sat)23:15:35 No.58066044 >>58066018 # why do you keep writing sigma >>58066109 # >>58066463 # | Anonymous 10/24/20(Sat)23:52:07 No.58066463 >>58066044 # Σ balls
>>58065875 # Woah. that's E heavy cringe. I don't think I would date a woman under 6'3 >>58066044 # E Anonymous 10/24/20(Sat)23:15:35 No.58066044 >>58066018 # why do you keep writing sigma >>58066109 # >>58066463 # | Anonymous 10/24/20(Sat)23:52:07 No.58066463 >>58066044 # Σ balls

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anon has a business idea | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: 36/XZRmh Big Anon's Foreskin Emperium(...) 01/25/21(Mon)11:00:32 No.26522171 >business idea >Big Anon's Foreskin Emperium' where we got your d--- covered! >got your foreskin stolen? No worries we got your d-------'s back bro 42 KB JPG >we have foreskins of all colors!! >tie dye, crazy designs!! >like star wars? We have foreskins with Yoda and Darth Vader printed on them >want your pet's face on your foreskin? Say no more >custom made foreskins for the foreskinless!! >we also do gift wrapping Whatta think /biz/?
: Anonymous (ID: 36/XZRmh Big Anon's Foreskin Emperium(...) 01/25/21(Mon)11:00:32 No.26522171 >business idea >Big Anon's Foreskin Emperium' where we got your d--- covered! >got your foreskin stolen? No worries we got your d-------'s back bro 42 KB JPG >we have foreskins of all colors!! >tie dye, crazy designs!! >like star wars? We have foreskins with Yoda and Darth Vader printed on them >want your pet's face on your foreskin? Say no more >custom made foreskins for the foreskinless!! >we also do gift wrapping Whatta think /biz/?

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anon goes on omegle | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/25/21(Mon)10:09:48 No.845703087 ► >>845706771 File: pepe sofa.png (69 KB, 500x332) >Go on Omegle >After several minutes stop on two little kids no older than 5 or 6 years old >Kids wave hi at me >I wave back >Kids move camera down exposing their baby d---- >mfw
Anonymous 01/25/21(Mon)10:09:48 No.845703087 ► >>845706771 File: pepe sofa.png (69 KB, 500x332) >Go on Omegle >After several minutes stop on two little kids no older than 5 or 6 years old >Kids wave hi at me >I wave back >Kids move camera down exposing their baby d---- >mfw

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anon struggles with computers | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)12:23:00 No.62008997 when the f--- did technology all become a f------ advertisement scam? i feel like im being jewed so f------ hard buying anything >buy a new laptop >every single f------ time i turn it 377 KB PNG on i get spammed YOU HAVE RECIEVED A FREE MONTH OF PREMIUM VIRUS SCANNER CLAIM NOW >*LOUD NOISE* YOUVE RECIEVED A FREE 3 MONTH TRIAL OF STUPID AMAZON S--- >*8 LOUD NOISES EVERY 10 MINUTES AFTER I TURN IT ON" >FREE 20% DISCOUNT IF YOU BUY MORE S--- >every time i open photos on my iphone" >YOU HAVE RUN OUT OF STORAGE BUY MORE ICLOUD STORAGE NOW >open email >900000000000000 spam messages get like 8 a day >use my number on a website >get weekly texts from like 8 companies now >spam calls every DAY >get a bunch of garbage installed on my computer i dont want 7 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)12:23:00 No.62008997 when the f--- did technology all become a f------ advertisement scam? i feel like im being jewed so f------ hard buying anything >buy a new laptop >every single f------ time i turn it 377 KB PNG on i get spammed YOU HAVE RECIEVED A FREE MONTH OF PREMIUM VIRUS SCANNER CLAIM NOW >*LOUD NOISE* YOUVE RECIEVED A FREE 3 MONTH TRIAL OF STUPID AMAZON S--- >*8 LOUD NOISES EVERY 10 MINUTES AFTER I TURN IT ON" >FREE 20% DISCOUNT IF YOU BUY MORE S--- >every time i open photos on my iphone" >YOU HAVE RUN OUT OF STORAGE BUY MORE ICLOUD STORAGE NOW >open email >900000000000000 spam messages get like 8 a day >use my number on a website >get weekly texts from like 8 companies now >spam calls every DAY >get a bunch of garbage installed on my computer i dont want 7 Replies View Thread

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Anon buys a new console | /r/Greentext

File: koreanpepe.png (253 KB, 700x508) Anonymous 01/25/21(Mon)17:39:16 No.845722040 >be me >korean guy who just bought a PS5 >hop on a call of duty match with my friends >address my friends with the korean word "niga" which means "you" >the PS5 thinks it's a racial slur >mfw i paid for this s--- and it bans me for speaking my own language
File: koreanpepe.png (253 KB, 700x508) Anonymous 01/25/21(Mon)17:39:16 No.845722040 >be me >korean guy who just bought a PS5 >hop on a call of duty match with my friends >address my friends with the korean word "niga" which means "you" >the PS5 thinks it's a racial slur >mfw i paid for this s--- and it bans me for speaking my own language

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anon having a great time with his dog | /r/Greentext

: Aпonymous I think my mom hates me now 05/01/18(Tue)09:45:22 No.45063338 ok so I really f----- up, here is waht happened >recently got a new interest in stimulating my prostate >finger my anus alot >today I wanted to try 210 KB JPG something new >go into backyard when mummy and daddy are at work >find the yard hose and squat to spread my cheeks >start spraying my anus >it feels really good >l do this for a few minutes and increase water pressure >my d--- is hard now >my dog comes out of the house and starts licking my leg >it starts licking my balls and shaft too >at this point I'm really close to orgasm >suddenly my dog starts staring at something >l remember my mom brought dog to work >I look up and my mom is staring at me from the living room window >l pull my wet pants up and just run away I'm hiding under a bridge right now and I'm scared to go home.
: Aпonymous I think my mom hates me now 05/01/18(Tue)09:45:22 No.45063338 ok so I really f----- up, here is waht happened >recently got a new interest in stimulating my prostate >finger my anus alot >today I wanted to try 210 KB JPG something new >go into backyard when mummy and daddy are at work >find the yard hose and squat to spread my cheeks >start spraying my anus >it feels really good >l do this for a few minutes and increase water pressure >my d--- is hard now >my dog comes out of the house and starts licking my leg >it starts licking my balls and shaft too >at this point I'm really close to orgasm >suddenly my dog starts staring at something >l remember my mom brought dog to work >I look up and my mom is staring at me from the living room window >l pull my wet pants up and just run away I'm hiding under a bridge right now and I'm scared to go home.

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Anon asks the real question | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)21:05:35 No.845655479 >>845655249 # Attorney >not Jewish >>and people actually pay for your services? 35 KB JPG
: Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)21:05:35 No.845655479 >>845655249 # Attorney >not Jewish >>and people actually pay for your services? 35 KB JPG

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Anon is going to be assassinated | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)18:30:15 No.845673251 Maybe something like this: >Covid vaccine is actually a kill switch >Joe Biden and his p--- cohorts will activate this switch on July 4, 2021, the day trump plans to expose the 2 KB JPG p--- ring >Everyone that dies will have their souls collected into a machine made by bill gates, which will subject them to a brain-washing process to make them woke (i.e blm, gender classes, etc) >Souls are transferred into robots, which will be used by the pedos to take over the world and establish communism >Will be spread in all caps on Facebook groups >>845673887 # >>845676216 # >>845676851 #
: Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)18:30:15 No.845673251 Maybe something like this: >Covid vaccine is actually a kill switch >Joe Biden and his p--- cohorts will activate this switch on July 4, 2021, the day trump plans to expose the 2 KB JPG p--- ring >Everyone that dies will have their souls collected into a machine made by bill gates, which will subject them to a brain-washing process to make them woke (i.e blm, gender classes, etc) >Souls are transferred into robots, which will be used by the pedos to take over the world and establish communism >Will be spread in all caps on Facebook groups >>845673887 # >>845676216 # >>845676851 #

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anon and his uncle | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/22/21 (Fri)10:58:16 No.845474748 >uncle dies >while searching his house find cd labeled 'me & anon's greatest bonding moment' >pop it in laptop >mfw its a sex tape he made with me when i was 6 15 KB JPG Subscribe to my highest tier on onlyfans 'thegapedanon' and i will send you a hand signed copy in the mail!!
: Anonymous 01/22/21 (Fri)10:58:16 No.845474748 >uncle dies >while searching his house find cd labeled 'me & anon's greatest bonding moment' >pop it in laptop >mfw its a sex tape he made with me when i was 6 15 KB JPG Subscribe to my highest tier on onlyfans 'thegapedanon' and i will send you a hand signed copy in the mail!!

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Anon falls (twice) | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/13/21(Wed)06:12:15 No.844689794 >>844672184 (OP) # >be me >9 or 10 forgot >last day of vacation >grandad takes me to some s----- 599 KB JPG scooters >i get my own for an hour >yay >getting back from ride >ramp in front of me >looking to the side for some dumbass reason >i drive on the ramp and do a crazy air jump >feels awesome >another ramp is in front of me >i fall off the scooter >ohshit.jpg| >right knee hits edge of other ramp >entire knee gets f------ demolished >cries >grandad calls random nurse to help >she pours my knee over with some random s--- >cries >nurse gets mad that i'm crying >cries again >she finally stops being a bitch >we go back home >had to wear big ass bandages >they stick to my wound >i have to rip them off everyday and change for new ones >hurts >couple of months until leg somewhat recovers >goes back to school >one week in i fall over on the same knee >more recovery >goes back to school again >i fall on the same knee for the second time >mfw
: Anonymous 01/13/21(Wed)06:12:15 No.844689794 >>844672184 (OP) # >be me >9 or 10 forgot >last day of vacation >grandad takes me to some s----- 599 KB JPG scooters >i get my own for an hour >yay >getting back from ride >ramp in front of me >looking to the side for some dumbass reason >i drive on the ramp and do a crazy air jump >feels awesome >another ramp is in front of me >i fall off the scooter >ohshit.jpg| >right knee hits edge of other ramp >entire knee gets f------ demolished >cries >grandad calls random nurse to help >she pours my knee over with some random s--- >cries >nurse gets mad that i'm crying >cries again >she finally stops being a bitch >we go back home >had to wear big ass bandages >they stick to my wound >i have to rip them off everyday and change for new ones >hurts >couple of months until leg somewhat recovers >goes back to school >one week in i fall over on the same knee >more recovery >goes back to school again >i fall on the same knee for the second time >mfw

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Hands off the wheel | /r/Greentext

File: pepe slaves awat.jpg (84 KB, 1000x563) Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)11:34:20 No.62008455 [Reply] >>62008512 >>62008562 >be 26, wageslave for 7 years >save like 150k because im a hermit that doesn't go anywhere or do anything >never make more than a few dollars above minimum wage but whatever >never made enough to afford rent so I never moved out >lose my job because of corona, collect like 15k in unemployment, feelsgoodman >only jobs available to me now are full time minimum wage s--- jobs or back breaking warehouse jobs that pay like $3 above minimum wage >f--- that, im not bringing home corona to my parents for a $300 check >still give my parents rent >they're on my ass about getting a job and moving out >tell them l'm going to keep paying rent and when the pandemic lets up l'm going to go back to work to save another 50k and then buy a house >told them I would be out of the house two years give or take >they tell me its unwise to buy a house without a career >tell them my plan is to buy a 3-4 bedroom house, rent out two rooms, which will cover all my bills >they inform of things like property tax and upkeep as if I didn't already know about those things >tell them $12,000 -$15,000 a year in rental income will be more than enough to cover property tax, income tax, repairs, upkeep, and utilities >with my savings and the fact III be working I will be fine >they call me lazy for not wanting more in life >inform them I just worked 7 years straight making below a living wage >tell them they no problem watching me slave away without working towards a career >tell them by 29 III be moving out and that's that >dad ups my rent by $200 kek >mom says I should become a nurse >"yeah mom, I have crippling OCD and anxiety, giving people medications is the best career for me" >she starts to cry, tells me to see a doctor >dad tells me there are better jobs out there than just working retail >tell him to show me the door to a living wage job and III do it >he gets mad and says im being ridiculous anyway how was your morning bots?
File: pepe slaves awat.jpg (84 KB, 1000x563) Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)11:34:20 No.62008455 [Reply] >>62008512 >>62008562 >be 26, wageslave for 7 years >save like 150k because im a hermit that doesn't go anywhere or do anything >never make more than a few dollars above minimum wage but whatever >never made enough to afford rent so I never moved out >lose my job because of corona, collect like 15k in unemployment, feelsgoodman >only jobs available to me now are full time minimum wage s--- jobs or back breaking warehouse jobs that pay like $3 above minimum wage >f--- that, im not bringing home corona to my parents for a $300 check >still give my parents rent >they're on my ass about getting a job and moving out >tell them l'm going to keep paying rent and when the pandemic lets up l'm going to go back to work to save another 50k and then buy a house >told them I would be out of the house two years give or take >they tell me its unwise to buy a house without a career >tell them my plan is to buy a 3-4 bedroom house, rent out two rooms, which will cover all my bills >they inform of things like property tax and upkeep as if I didn't already know about those things >tell them $12,000 -$15,000 a year in rental income will be more than enough to cover property tax, income tax, repairs, upkeep, and utilities >with my savings and the fact III be working I will be fine >they call me lazy for not wanting more in life >inform them I just worked 7 years straight making below a living wage >tell them they no problem watching me slave away without working towards a career >tell them by 29 III be moving out and that's that >dad ups my rent by $200 kek >mom says I should become a nurse >"yeah mom, I have crippling OCD and anxiety, giving people medications is the best career for me" >she starts to cry, tells me to see a doctor >dad tells me there are better jobs out there than just working retail >tell him to show me the door to a living wage job and III do it >he gets mad and says im being ridiculous anyway how was your morning bots?

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Where is the map? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/12/18(Thu)09:25:08 No.44631832 >be me, 7 yo >go outside a lot because parent don't gaf >have a friend who's always monkeying around >we go around town together a lot for fun >like to call them "adventures" and 39 KB PNG "quests" and what not >pretend like we're the best explorer in town >me and friend always run into this thug who's tryna rob us >we tell him to f--- off >somehow that worked and we managed to get away >i always carry my map and it tells me where to go >always have my backpack in case i need some supplies >me and my bud would set a destination to reach >when we get there, we would yell "We did it!" over and over >every. single. time! >mfw i'm dora the explorer
: Anonymous 04/12/18(Thu)09:25:08 No.44631832 >be me, 7 yo >go outside a lot because parent don't gaf >have a friend who's always monkeying around >we go around town together a lot for fun >like to call them "adventures" and 39 KB PNG "quests" and what not >pretend like we're the best explorer in town >me and friend always run into this thug who's tryna rob us >we tell him to f--- off >somehow that worked and we managed to get away >i always carry my map and it tells me where to go >always have my backpack in case i need some supplies >me and my bud would set a destination to reach >when we get there, we would yell "We did it!" over and over >every. single. time! >mfw i'm dora the explorer

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Anon relapses | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous I am too weak for nofap 01/24/21(Sun)17:22:12 No.62012997 >attempt nofap 1st time >successfully stop jerking off for 5 months >decide to j------- once and stop right after just to see how good the fap would be >since I broke the streak, might aswell do it another time 26 KB JPG >Im gonna stop, I swear >s---, Im too F------ HORNY >HOW HORNY CAN I GET WTE >OK IM STOPPING FOR GOOD >l am weak its almost been 2 months I simply cant stop
: Anonymous I am too weak for nofap 01/24/21(Sun)17:22:12 No.62012997 >attempt nofap 1st time >successfully stop jerking off for 5 months >decide to j------- once and stop right after just to see how good the fap would be >since I broke the streak, might aswell do it another time 26 KB JPG >Im gonna stop, I swear >s---, Im too F------ HORNY >HOW HORNY CAN I GET WTE >OK IM STOPPING FOR GOOD >l am weak its almost been 2 months I simply cant stop

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Anon gets robbed | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 35736617 28 min. ago ... >be me >high school >2 days ago >in math class >bored af so I do drawings on paper >only thing I can draw are pepes because 4chan >girl on my left sees it even though i tried to hide my pepes >"is that pepe ?" >sweatingpepe.jpg >"y-yes" >girl : "you can draw well. pepe is so JPG 21.3 kB cute" >"t-t-thanks" >she keeps talking to me like i have autism >she's a 8/10 >she is actually nice to me >she is obviously flirting even though i behave like the beta i am >she asks me if she can come to my house >"o-ok-kay" >we go together to my house >she wants to see my room >she keeps being flirty >we are inside my room >i am starting to get a hard on >f--- >"anon, do you have somethin drink ?" >"y-yes" >go to kitchen for a glass of coca cola >feels like it's finally going to happen >suddenly hear a sound coming from my room >it a sound of my computer >go back fast to my room >opens door >she is using my computer >she plugged a usb key in my computer >she is copying a folder or something >can't see what it is >too beta to ask >"oh anon you are here" >copy finished >she removes her usb key >"i should better go anon" >she leaves without a word >once she left I look on my computer >/rare/ folder copied >i finally realize what happened >she stole my rare pepes >all she wanted was my pepe collection
Anonymous 35736617 28 min. ago ... >be me >high school >2 days ago >in math class >bored af so I do drawings on paper >only thing I can draw are pepes because 4chan >girl on my left sees it even though i tried to hide my pepes >"is that pepe ?" >sweatingpepe.jpg >"y-yes" >girl : "you can draw well. pepe is so JPG 21.3 kB cute" >"t-t-thanks" >she keeps talking to me like i have autism >she's a 8/10 >she is actually nice to me >she is obviously flirting even though i behave like the beta i am >she asks me if she can come to my house >"o-ok-kay" >we go together to my house >she wants to see my room >she keeps being flirty >we are inside my room >i am starting to get a hard on >f--- >"anon, do you have somethin drink ?" >"y-yes" >go to kitchen for a glass of coca cola >feels like it's finally going to happen >suddenly hear a sound coming from my room >it a sound of my computer >go back fast to my room >opens door >she is using my computer >she plugged a usb key in my computer >she is copying a folder or something >can't see what it is >too beta to ask >"oh anon you are here" >copy finished >she removes her usb key >"i should better go anon" >she leaves without a word >once she left I look on my computer >/rare/ folder copied >i finally realize what happened >she stole my rare pepes >all she wanted was my pepe collection

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Anon is an elite hackerman | /r/Greentext

Ibl Anonymous 01/25/21(Mon)09:40:21 No.845707015 >be me >elite hackerman >i have ransomed more than 69 terabytes of nudes >i have the nudes of the hottest women in the world >i leak onlyfans once and fbi gets involved >i freak out >i hide all the evidence > readys escape tunnel > readys plan b >plan b is suicide > fbi knock on door > turns out they just wanted some nudes
Ibl Anonymous 01/25/21(Mon)09:40:21 No.845707015 >be me >elite hackerman >i have ransomed more than 69 terabytes of nudes >i have the nudes of the hottest women in the world >i leak onlyfans once and fbi gets involved >i freak out >i hide all the evidence > readys escape tunnel > readys plan b >plan b is suicide > fbi knock on door > turns out they just wanted some nudes

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Anon dabbles in the supernatural | /r/Greentext


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