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anon despises americans | /r/Greentext

File: 4c02eec2e5c780fe0b6cd56b4(...).jpg (533 KB, 1800x2381) Anonymous 02/01/21(Mon)17:00:38 No.59645439 [Reply] ► >all 5'10" men lie by claiming they are 6' >all 5'11" men lie by claiming they are 6'1" >all 6'1" men lie by claiming they are 6'3" which leads to >"5'11" is manlet status lol" >"6' is not even tall lol" >"every zoomer is 6'3" this days!!!!" are americans mentally handicapped?
File: 4c02eec2e5c780fe0b6cd56b4(...).jpg (533 KB, 1800x2381) Anonymous 02/01/21(Mon)17:00:38 No.59645439 [Reply] ► >all 5'10" men lie by claiming they are 6' >all 5'11" men lie by claiming they are 6'1" >all 6'1" men lie by claiming they are 6'3" which leads to >"5'11" is manlet status lol" >"6' is not even tall lol" >"every zoomer is 6'3" this days!!!!" are americans mentally handicapped?

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Anon is alien | /r/Greentext

>be me >traveling to Earth to annihilate the human race >see earth >fire up the death ray >too late 19 KB JPG >get hit by a f------ tesla roadster traveling at f------ mach speed playing david bowie >completely destroys my ship and kills my entire crew >mfw
>be me >traveling to Earth to annihilate the human race >see earth >fire up the death ray >too late 19 KB JPG >get hit by a f------ tesla roadster traveling at f------ mach speed playing david bowie >completely destroys my ship and kills my entire crew >mfw

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Anon tries sun gazing | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/03/21(Sun)13:20:54 No.27232078 last week I tried sungazing just once (for about 3 hours, open eyes), and now I see a large white dot in the middle of my vision all the time. my eyes have also been kinda sore since then. 37 KB PNG is it supposed to be like this? will it go away if I "harden" my eyes by sungazing more?
: Anonymous 01/03/21(Sun)13:20:54 No.27232078 last week I tried sungazing just once (for about 3 hours, open eyes), and now I see a large white dot in the middle of my vision all the time. my eyes have also been kinda sore since then. 37 KB PNG is it supposed to be like this? will it go away if I "harden" my eyes by sungazing more?

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anon takes up self improvement | /r/Greentext

File: 1612260764580.png (2.24 MB, 1267x959) Everyone can be saved. EVERYONE. Anonymous 02/02/21(Tue)14:05:02 No.59658364 [Reply] >>59660638 80 replies and 11 images omitted. Click here to view. CALL DUT BLACK OPS Anonymous 02/02/21(Tue)16:25:07 No.59660621 O Anonymous 02/02/21(Tue)14:09:01 No.59658422 >>59658364 How did he do it bros? I'm on the following list and still look like s--- Nofap Nosugar Daily mirror yells(before and after bed) No shampoo No eating/drinking out of plastic No pillow Daily moisturize Supplement stack of (zinc, mag, aswaganda) Daily meditating I'm out of ideas at this point... U Anonymous 02/02/21(Tue)16:28:05 No.59660673 ► File: 1598540746169.png (113 KB, 288x300) Anonymous 02/02/21(Tue)14:23:05 No.59658639 >>59658422 # Have you tried nowipe? Anonymous 02/02/21(Tue)14:27:56 No.59658713 File: 1589188408739.png (832 KB, 841x809) >>59658422 # >Daily mirror yells(before and after bed) >>59658422 # >Daily mirror yells(before and after bed) 10/10 Anonymous 02/02/21(Tue)16:28:10 No.59660675 ► File: 20201221_220513.jpg (78 KB, 380x420) >yell at f----- in mirror after waking up >yell at f----- in mirror before bed The master plan is finally in motion, boys!
File: 1612260764580.png (2.24 MB, 1267x959) Everyone can be saved. EVERYONE. Anonymous 02/02/21(Tue)14:05:02 No.59658364 [Reply] >>59660638 80 replies and 11 images omitted. Click here to view. CALL DUT BLACK OPS Anonymous 02/02/21(Tue)16:25:07 No.59660621 O Anonymous 02/02/21(Tue)14:09:01 No.59658422 >>59658364 How did he do it bros? I'm on the following list and still look like s--- Nofap Nosugar Daily mirror yells(before and after bed) No shampoo No eating/drinking out of plastic No pillow Daily moisturize Supplement stack of (zinc, mag, aswaganda) Daily meditating I'm out of ideas at this point... U Anonymous 02/02/21(Tue)16:28:05 No.59660673 ► File: 1598540746169.png (113 KB, 288x300) Anonymous 02/02/21(Tue)14:23:05 No.59658639 >>59658422 # Have you tried nowipe? Anonymous 02/02/21(Tue)14:27:56 No.59658713 File: 1589188408739.png (832 KB, 841x809) >>59658422 # >Daily mirror yells(before and after bed) >>59658422 # >Daily mirror yells(before and after bed) 10/10 Anonymous 02/02/21(Tue)16:28:10 No.59660675 ► File: 20201221_220513.jpg (78 KB, 380x420) >yell at f----- in mirror after waking up >yell at f----- in mirror before bed The master plan is finally in motion, boys!

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Reading in college | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 02/02/21(Tue)09:43:01 No.846358750 [Reply] >>846359701 >be me >in college >have to read romeo and juliet out loud >teacher asks for volunteers >l volunteer to be romeo so I can finally talk to a girl >1000iq >gayfag volunteers to be juliet >teacher says yes >mfw Anonymous 02/02/21(Tue)09:56:19 No.846359450 Kek College must be total clown world these days.
O Anonymous 02/02/21(Tue)09:43:01 No.846358750 [Reply] >>846359701 >be me >in college >have to read romeo and juliet out loud >teacher asks for volunteers >l volunteer to be romeo so I can finally talk to a girl >1000iq >gayfag volunteers to be juliet >teacher says yes >mfw Anonymous 02/02/21(Tue)09:56:19 No.846359450 Kek College must be total clown world these days.

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Anon gets bamboozled | /r/Greentext

File: 1753BCF1-7C8C-486A-BA84-92F0B5193290.png (8 KB, 200x201) Anonymous 02/02/21(Tue)17:10:21 No.846363399 [Reply] >>Be me >>at work >>work with several 8-10/10 girl folk >>one day one of them gets frustrated >>"oh f--- me!" >>I say "sure, ok!" >>girl folk giggles a little >>we don't f--- Why do women make offers and then fail to follow through with delivery?
File: 1753BCF1-7C8C-486A-BA84-92F0B5193290.png (8 KB, 200x201) Anonymous 02/02/21(Tue)17:10:21 No.846363399 [Reply] >>Be me >>at work >>work with several 8-10/10 girl folk >>one day one of them gets frustrated >>"oh f--- me!" >>I say "sure, ok!" >>girl folk giggles a little >>we don't f--- Why do women make offers and then fail to follow through with delivery?

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Anon questions Jesus' race | /r/Greentext


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Just anime girl | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/02/21(Tue)01:06:36 No.138809327 If your gf is this girl, what do you do? 1.03 MB JPG 3 Replies View Thread : serbian eagle 1331E 02/02/21(Tue)01:07:35 No.138809348 >>138809327 (OP) # take your meds >>138809491 # : Anonymous [M 02/02/21(Tue)01:13:30 No.138809472 >>138809327 (OP) # Take my meds : Anonymous 02/02/21 (Tue)01:14:17 No.138809491 >>138809348 # SERBIAAAAAAAAAAAA SERBIAAA SERBIAAAAAAA
: Anonymous 02/02/21(Tue)01:06:36 No.138809327 If your gf is this girl, what do you do? 1.03 MB JPG 3 Replies View Thread : serbian eagle 1331E 02/02/21(Tue)01:07:35 No.138809348 >>138809327 (OP) # take your meds >>138809491 # : Anonymous [M 02/02/21(Tue)01:13:30 No.138809472 >>138809327 (OP) # Take my meds : Anonymous 02/02/21 (Tue)01:14:17 No.138809491 >>138809348 # SERBIAAAAAAAAAAAA SERBIAAA SERBIAAAAAAA

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Anon has a point... | /r/Greentext

>Be me, Japan >Enslave women to become sex slaves >Massacre 14m innocent POWS >Attack Pearl Harbor despite US being neutral >Commit many more war crimes >Get nuked >Everyone forgets about my war crimes >Don't get punished >Sympathy from everyone
>Be me, Japan >Enslave women to become sex slaves >Massacre 14m innocent POWS >Attack Pearl Harbor despite US being neutral >Commit many more war crimes >Get nuked >Everyone forgets about my war crimes >Don't get punished >Sympathy from everyone

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Anon enjoys his dinner | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/24/17(Tue)06:35:30 No.8501880 File: 1481158789113.jpg (6 KB, 200x 194) >8502255 >Out for dinner for my mates gf's birthday >Her pet lamb just died a few days ago >She's a vegan and doesn't eat any meat or dairy products >Her mother whispers to us to try order something more subtle with no obvious meat as she's still upset >Rightio I get it, I was pretty upset too when my 15 year old dog died >Looking at the menu >Lamb shank stew, rich with vegetable stock, potatoes, carrots etc. >$15 >God this sounds f------ good and for a solid price too >Order it >We all get our dinner >Mate and her mother look over at my plate >Half of the lamb shank is hanging out the top of the bowl >Her mother shakes her head at me >l pick the shank up and sit it on my plate so I can pick it out >"Oh my god why would you get that?" his gf screams >What? I responded >l pick the shank up and imitate a sheep "Baaa, baaaaaaaa, baaaaa" while pretending to walk it >She storms out >Her mother storms out too >Mate is holding in his laughter >Her father is in tears smacking the table with his hand out of laughter It was pretty good, the stock with the vegetables was to die for. Shank was pretty good too, I left a $10 tip
Anonymous 01/24/17(Tue)06:35:30 No.8501880 File: 1481158789113.jpg (6 KB, 200x 194) >8502255 >Out for dinner for my mates gf's birthday >Her pet lamb just died a few days ago >She's a vegan and doesn't eat any meat or dairy products >Her mother whispers to us to try order something more subtle with no obvious meat as she's still upset >Rightio I get it, I was pretty upset too when my 15 year old dog died >Looking at the menu >Lamb shank stew, rich with vegetable stock, potatoes, carrots etc. >$15 >God this sounds f------ good and for a solid price too >Order it >We all get our dinner >Mate and her mother look over at my plate >Half of the lamb shank is hanging out the top of the bowl >Her mother shakes her head at me >l pick the shank up and sit it on my plate so I can pick it out >"Oh my god why would you get that?" his gf screams >What? I responded >l pick the shank up and imitate a sheep "Baaa, baaaaaaaa, baaaaa" while pretending to walk it >She storms out >Her mother storms out too >Mate is holding in his laughter >Her father is in tears smacking the table with his hand out of laughter It was pretty good, the stock with the vegetables was to die for. Shank was pretty good too, I left a $10 tip

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Family guy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/23/21(Sat)11:13:36 No.27427172 >read a thread on a ritual that supposedly allows you to lucid dream >attempt it >it actually works >l can lucid dream 56 KB JPG >all I have to do is say something and it happens >if I say "I can fly" I can fly >if I were to say "I used to be President" | immediately flashback to my time in office >other characters appear in my dream >they start having flashbacks of their own >I can't control them >l have to stick to the script until their flashbacks are over >Peter Griffin is a character in my dreams >l have no power over him >every time he has a flashback I'm force to play along >every night I'm trapped in an episode of Family Guy >become terrified of sleeping >eventually my body caves and I fall asleep >every night I'm subjected to a hellscape of pop culture references and poop jokes 14 Replies / 2 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 01/23/21(Sat)11:13:36 No.27427172 >read a thread on a ritual that supposedly allows you to lucid dream >attempt it >it actually works >l can lucid dream 56 KB JPG >all I have to do is say something and it happens >if I say "I can fly" I can fly >if I were to say "I used to be President" | immediately flashback to my time in office >other characters appear in my dream >they start having flashbacks of their own >I can't control them >l have to stick to the script until their flashbacks are over >Peter Griffin is a character in my dreams >l have no power over him >every time he has a flashback I'm force to play along >every night I'm trapped in an episode of Family Guy >become terrified of sleeping >eventually my body caves and I fall asleep >every night I'm subjected to a hellscape of pop culture references and poop jokes 14 Replies / 2 Images View Thread

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Anon planning for his end | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/25/19(Fri)20:46:58 No.790932821 >be me >"depressed" 12 year old >decide i want to kill myself >family planning to go to the beach >prepare my final plan >get to beach 23 KB JPG >go inside water >scream "goodbye forever" >throw AA battery into the sea >mfw still alive >everybody laughing at me for being retarded >mfw I'm probably retarded
: Anonymous 01/25/19(Fri)20:46:58 No.790932821 >be me >"depressed" 12 year old >decide i want to kill myself >family planning to go to the beach >prepare my final plan >get to beach 23 KB JPG >go inside water >scream "goodbye forever" >throw AA battery into the sea >mfw still alive >everybody laughing at me for being retarded >mfw I'm probably retarded

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Anon plays realistic games | /r/Greentext

File: 1612254222216.png (466 KB, 975x590) O Anonymous 02/02/21(Tue)09:24:32 No.542760379 [Reply >game has dedicated sprint button >you run out of breath in 5 seconds Anonymous 02/02/21(Tue)09:43:07 No.542761463 >>542760379 (OP). realistic in america
File: 1612254222216.png (466 KB, 975x590) O Anonymous 02/02/21(Tue)09:24:32 No.542760379 [Reply >game has dedicated sprint button >you run out of breath in 5 seconds Anonymous 02/02/21(Tue)09:43:07 No.542761463 >>542760379 (OP). realistic in america

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Anon has a dream | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/19/20(Sat)08:43:13 No.61456439 >Be me >dreaming last night that i met a girl called Sarah, >wake up in a daze still half asleep in my bed >realise im cuddling a naked girl and feel the distinctive sensation of holding a boob in my 192 KB PNG hand >nice.gif >ask "who are you" >"I'm Sarah" >"What are you doing here" i ask >"We met last night cause i was watching shrek 2" she says >"well that checks out cause i f------ love that movie" >after i say that i wake up a bit more and realise there's no girl in my bed >be holding a handful of my own bellyfat >mfw
: Anonymous 12/19/20(Sat)08:43:13 No.61456439 >Be me >dreaming last night that i met a girl called Sarah, >wake up in a daze still half asleep in my bed >realise im cuddling a naked girl and feel the distinctive sensation of holding a boob in my 192 KB PNG hand >nice.gif >ask "who are you" >"I'm Sarah" >"What are you doing here" i ask >"We met last night cause i was watching shrek 2" she says >"well that checks out cause i f------ love that movie" >after i say that i wake up a bit more and realise there's no girl in my bed >be holding a handful of my own bellyfat >mfw

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Anon with muslim passenger | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/13/19(Sun)10:04:10 No.7512136 >be me >on airplane >3 muslims are sitting in the back >two of them get up and start walking to the front >as one passes me, he 120 KB JPG says "soon we will all see allah." >he gets to the front of the plane and starts reciting the koran >he ended up converting 12 people to islam thank you allah
: Anonymous 01/13/19(Sun)10:04:10 No.7512136 >be me >on airplane >3 muslims are sitting in the back >two of them get up and start walking to the front >as one passes me, he 120 KB JPG says "soon we will all see allah." >he gets to the front of the plane and starts reciting the koran >he ended up converting 12 people to islam thank you allah

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Anon gets asked about his future husband. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/05/19(Sat)11:22:53 No.50255501 >Make female friend in class >Little older than me, but still smaller than me and hot as hell >Starts inviting me out for coffee after class, just me and her 648 KB PNG >Text each other constantly >Goes on for about a month >Totally convinced she likes me, thinking about making a move >One day start talking about cats, say 'd never want one >"But anon, what if your future husband wants one?" >Silence, we just stare at each other >"...you're gay, right anon?" What the f--- I f------ hate women
: Anonymous 01/05/19(Sat)11:22:53 No.50255501 >Make female friend in class >Little older than me, but still smaller than me and hot as hell >Starts inviting me out for coffee after class, just me and her 648 KB PNG >Text each other constantly >Goes on for about a month >Totally convinced she likes me, thinking about making a move >One day start talking about cats, say 'd never want one >"But anon, what if your future husband wants one?" >Silence, we just stare at each other >"...you're gay, right anon?" What the f--- I f------ hate women

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Anon has based mum | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/02/21(Tue)10:33:46 No.846346716 > Be me > 20-year-old male > Depressed as f--- > Living with my boomer parents > Cousins are coming over (all 3 females), dad's at work >I get out of my room to say hi and sit in the corner a bit so that I 424 KB JPG can go back to my room after a while as to not look rude > They start talking about boobs > My mother says she wished hers were smaller > Cousins says she wished hers were bigger > They start undressing and comparing them > w--.mp4 >I take a look like w--, I'm right here are you blind? > See my moms mellons > Punch my d--- and try to remove this memory > error 404, I can't > My cousin told my mom to cover them because I'm right here > My mom says "don't worry he's a f-----" > Go to my room trying to reason with what just happened >I can't > Start doubting who is my father Is this the end? I will never look at my mama the same way.
: Anonymous 02/02/21(Tue)10:33:46 No.846346716 > Be me > 20-year-old male > Depressed as f--- > Living with my boomer parents > Cousins are coming over (all 3 females), dad's at work >I get out of my room to say hi and sit in the corner a bit so that I 424 KB JPG can go back to my room after a while as to not look rude > They start talking about boobs > My mother says she wished hers were smaller > Cousins says she wished hers were bigger > They start undressing and comparing them > w--.mp4 >I take a look like w--, I'm right here are you blind? > See my moms mellons > Punch my d--- and try to remove this memory > error 404, I can't > My cousin told my mom to cover them because I'm right here > My mom says "don't worry he's a f-----" > Go to my room trying to reason with what just happened >I can't > Start doubting who is my father Is this the end? I will never look at my mama the same way.

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Anon is rich | /r/Greentext

38m (2/2 16:18) 846346108 I'm gonna turn this around and tell you the best thing I discovered kn the dark web. >2010 >14 year old anon on /b/ >post thread on /b/ asking what acid is like and where to find it >"op is a f----- for not using silkroad" >discover TOR and the silkroad >Buy 38.6 Bitcoin with the intent to try acid. Leave BTC on a flash drive hidden because I didn't want mt parents to find my "drug money" >take part in the gene simmons "operation payback" DDOS Gene Simmons, get laptop stolen by FBI and can not spend BTC >forget about flashdrive with BTC >2015 Find flashdrive >"oh, bitcoin is worth 120/piece, cool." Still to difficult to sell, don't touch it. >three booms and busts later still have 38.6 BTC >portfolio is now worth over a mil. >tfw my teenage drug habit ended up making me rich.
38m (2/2 16:18) 846346108 I'm gonna turn this around and tell you the best thing I discovered kn the dark web. >2010 >14 year old anon on /b/ >post thread on /b/ asking what acid is like and where to find it >"op is a f----- for not using silkroad" >discover TOR and the silkroad >Buy 38.6 Bitcoin with the intent to try acid. Leave BTC on a flash drive hidden because I didn't want mt parents to find my "drug money" >take part in the gene simmons "operation payback" DDOS Gene Simmons, get laptop stolen by FBI and can not spend BTC >forget about flashdrive with BTC >2015 Find flashdrive >"oh, bitcoin is worth 120/piece, cool." Still to difficult to sell, don't touch it. >three booms and busts later still have 38.6 BTC >portfolio is now worth over a mil. >tfw my teenage drug habit ended up making me rich.

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anon isn't a girl | /r/Greentext

File: reimu.png (1.91 MB, 1363x1450) I Anonymous 02/02/21(Tue)00:51:55 No.62134823 [Reply] >>62134840 >>62134874 >pretend to be girl on /r9k/ >find threads with sad and lonely anons >chat to them for a while on here or discord >make them feel better, more confident in themselves, etc. >try to be there if they need to talk >never tell them I am a boy >got them to love themselves more so it doesn't matter REN mission accomplished
File: reimu.png (1.91 MB, 1363x1450) I Anonymous 02/02/21(Tue)00:51:55 No.62134823 [Reply] >>62134840 >>62134874 >pretend to be girl on /r9k/ >find threads with sad and lonely anons >chat to them for a while on here or discord >make them feel better, more confident in themselves, etc. >try to be there if they need to talk >never tell them I am a boy >got them to love themselves more so it doesn't matter REN mission accomplished

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Anon avoids crisis | /r/Greentext

Share the most retarded thing you've ever done. Ill go first. >be me 138 KB PNG >23 days ago >driving drunk as f---, run a red light, ram into a f------ cop car at 20 mph >cars are not too damaged >drunk mind is scared as s--- >unable to think of a reason, stab myself with my pocket knife before the cop comes over >hide knife in glove box >say, "I had been stabbed officer" >cop gives me a ride to the nearest hospital mfw crisis avoided
Share the most retarded thing you've ever done. Ill go first. >be me 138 KB PNG >23 days ago >driving drunk as f---, run a red light, ram into a f------ cop car at 20 mph >cars are not too damaged >drunk mind is scared as s--- >unable to think of a reason, stab myself with my pocket knife before the cop comes over >hide knife in glove box >say, "I had been stabbed officer" >cop gives me a ride to the nearest hospital mfw crisis avoided

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