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Anon takes a poop | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/19/19(Thu)10:31:39 No.54480871 >be in public bathroom >it's empty >l can finally take a dump >go to one of the stalls and start cranking a fat s--- out of my ass >turd is 90% out of my a------ 125 KB JPG before the bathroom door bursts open >I hear punching and grunting >I look under my stall and see 2 pairs of feet >they are beating the s--- out of each other >suddenly hear a mirror shatter and hear one of the guys fall to the ground >bathroom is silent except for heavy breathing >feel my turd disconnecting from the mainland >f--- no f--- no f--- no >turd plops into water >echos >heavy breathing stops
: Anonymous 09/19/19(Thu)10:31:39 No.54480871 >be in public bathroom >it's empty >l can finally take a dump >go to one of the stalls and start cranking a fat s--- out of my ass >turd is 90% out of my a------ 125 KB JPG before the bathroom door bursts open >I hear punching and grunting >I look under my stall and see 2 pairs of feet >they are beating the s--- out of each other >suddenly hear a mirror shatter and hear one of the guys fall to the ground >bathroom is silent except for heavy breathing >feel my turd disconnecting from the mainland >f--- no f--- no f--- no >turd plops into water >echos >heavy breathing stops

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Anon has a bad day | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/03/21(Wed)21:15:12 No.846486403 >Be me >Dating hot girlfriend for about 6 months >She has mental issues from childhood >Opens about sexual abuse from uncle 8 KB PNG >l set her up with a therapist and drive her there every Wednesday >l always check up on her, comfort her >She tells me I saved her life >Buy ring for her >About a year and a half later >Walk into her house to find her f------ some chad > Storm out crying > Mfw I test positive for gonorrhea a few days after that >Oh I also f------ lost the ring
: Anonymous 02/03/21(Wed)21:15:12 No.846486403 >Be me >Dating hot girlfriend for about 6 months >She has mental issues from childhood >Opens about sexual abuse from uncle 8 KB PNG >l set her up with a therapist and drive her there every Wednesday >l always check up on her, comfort her >She tells me I saved her life >Buy ring for her >About a year and a half later >Walk into her house to find her f------ some chad > Storm out crying > Mfw I test positive for gonorrhea a few days after that >Oh I also f------ lost the ring

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Anon doesn’t get paid enough | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/03/21(Wed)16:50:35 No.846468068 >be me >be working at coffee shop >job is okay, pay is meh >one day, dude comes in and he's rude as all hell 46 KB JPG >idontgetpaidenoughforthis.mp3 >after the incident and making his coffee, I decide that this job isn't worth it and I deserve respect >carefully take his coffee to the bathroom, and piss half a stream in it >take it back to kitchen >call for his name and give it to him >watch him carefully as he drinks it >mfw he isn't disgusted >bastard comes up to the register and asks if his girlfriend works here >tell him no >he leaves with coffee in hand >later that day >mfw I realize he had a piss fetish >mfw he thought his gf p----- in his coffee as some sort of joke >mfw my piss tasted like his gf's piss F------ kek. View Thread
: Anonymous 02/03/21(Wed)16:50:35 No.846468068 >be me >be working at coffee shop >job is okay, pay is meh >one day, dude comes in and he's rude as all hell 46 KB JPG >idontgetpaidenoughforthis.mp3 >after the incident and making his coffee, I decide that this job isn't worth it and I deserve respect >carefully take his coffee to the bathroom, and piss half a stream in it >take it back to kitchen >call for his name and give it to him >watch him carefully as he drinks it >mfw he isn't disgusted >bastard comes up to the register and asks if his girlfriend works here >tell him no >he leaves with coffee in hand >later that day >mfw I realize he had a piss fetish >mfw he thought his gf p----- in his coffee as some sort of joke >mfw my piss tasted like his gf's piss F------ kek. View Thread

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Anon should never admit when he's wrong | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/15/20(Sun)13:16:03 No.57171994 >go on reddit >make comment about something I think I'm right about >get proven wrong >admit thatI was wrong and thank person who provided a 231 KB PNG source >get downvoted anyway >this f------ site
: Anonymous 03/15/20(Sun)13:16:03 No.57171994 >go on reddit >make comment about something I think I'm right about >get proven wrong >admit thatI was wrong and thank person who provided a 231 KB PNG source >get downvoted anyway >this f------ site

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Always Smile | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/17/15(Wed)13:45:14 No.622330744 Retarded stories thread >be me >be in first grade >taking test >teacher tells us if we can't do a 100 KB JPG problem, put a smile face >middle of test >look up at teacher >smile as hard as I can >hold smile for a solid 2 mins >mfw placed into special Ed next week
: Anonymous 06/17/15(Wed)13:45:14 No.622330744 Retarded stories thread >be me >be in first grade >taking test >teacher tells us if we can't do a 100 KB JPG problem, put a smile face >middle of test >look up at teacher >smile as hard as I can >hold smile for a solid 2 mins >mfw placed into special Ed next week

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Anon spots aliens | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous So how's your night been, anon(...) 02/03/21(Wed)07:35:55 No.27535612 Mine was ok up until a certain point (posted on /pol/ a while ago, but probably belongs here) >Be me 81 KB JPG >29 year old retard enjoying drinks and anime with his girlfriend >Time: 11:45pm >Girlfriend goes outside to call cats in >Wonder what she's up to... >Go outside >Look up into sky, see string of "stars" in a line, slowly gliding across night sky then disappearing from sight >W--.exe >Get intrigued >Jump on deck chair, to get better view >W--.exe increases >Never seen before >Get really excited by lights and seemingly not natural pattern of movement >UFO's.jpg? >Tell girlfriend I want to get a closer look >Launch myself off of the deck at mach 5 >Forget that I've had 8 beers >Land on one foot >F---.mpeg >Trip (completely naked btw - we live out in the country so was just chillin' drinking and watching anime with the GF in the nuddy) >Land hard on one side >Grazes to 10% of my body >Find out 15 minutes later that it was Elon Musk's starlink F--- you Elon musk.
: Anonymous So how's your night been, anon(...) 02/03/21(Wed)07:35:55 No.27535612 Mine was ok up until a certain point (posted on /pol/ a while ago, but probably belongs here) >Be me 81 KB JPG >29 year old retard enjoying drinks and anime with his girlfriend >Time: 11:45pm >Girlfriend goes outside to call cats in >Wonder what she's up to... >Go outside >Look up into sky, see string of "stars" in a line, slowly gliding across night sky then disappearing from sight >W--.exe >Get intrigued >Jump on deck chair, to get better view >W--.exe increases >Never seen before >Get really excited by lights and seemingly not natural pattern of movement >UFO's.jpg? >Tell girlfriend I want to get a closer look >Launch myself off of the deck at mach 5 >Forget that I've had 8 beers >Land on one foot >F---.mpeg >Trip (completely naked btw - we live out in the country so was just chillin' drinking and watching anime with the GF in the nuddy) >Land hard on one side >Grazes to 10% of my body >Find out 15 minutes later that it was Elon Musk's starlink F--- you Elon musk.

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Anon is a bit too dedicated to Warcraft 3. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/03/21(Wed)10:00:22 No.542888802 whats the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to you while playing vidya? >playing warcraft 3 tower defence >really need to shid >in the middle of an important high level wave >cant leave because I will fail if I 8 KB JPG don't micromanage my towers >anus is literally exploding under pressure >cant hold it in >sit for another hour in my s--- >finally finished >run upstairs >spend the next 90 minutes trying to wash the dry stale s--- out of my pants in the bathroom sink 53 Replies / 13 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 02/03/21(Wed)10:00:22 No.542888802 whats the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to you while playing vidya? >playing warcraft 3 tower defence >really need to shid >in the middle of an important high level wave >cant leave because I will fail if I 8 KB JPG don't micromanage my towers >anus is literally exploding under pressure >cant hold it in >sit for another hour in my s--- >finally finished >run upstairs >spend the next 90 minutes trying to wash the dry stale s--- out of my pants in the bathroom sink 53 Replies / 13 Images View Thread

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anon is bri'ish | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/03/21(Wed)22:04:35 No.62160865 FROLL FACE >be bri'ish >go to school >get stabbed by a guy with rotting teeth BUT BRITISH
Anonymous 02/03/21(Wed)22:04:35 No.62160865 FROLL FACE >be bri'ish >go to school >get stabbed by a guy with rotting teeth BUT BRITISH

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99 problems, and a bitch ain’t 12 | /r/Greentext


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Anon lives in the country. | /r/Greentext

File: clowns17n-2-web.jpg (94 KB, 750x829) Anonymous 03/22/17(Wed)16:03:39 No.726490398 story time autists >be me >6'6" 280lb redneck >we're talking full blown, AR15-toting, Trump-supporting, trailer-dwelling Texan redneck >live 2 miles from nearest human and 10 miles from nearest town >watching s----- reality TV one evening >stark naked bíc Texan summers and my wagie ass can't afford A/C >at about 11pm, hear car pulling up in driveway >LeaveMeAloneShitheads.jpg >look out window, see s------ 1990s Toyota covered in graffiti >3 teenagers in what I'm guessing was supposed to be "scary" clown attire file out >recall string of vandalism in local news, lightbulb goes off >NotOnMyWatch.exe >grab rifle, throw on nearest pair of boots and quietly go out back door >start slowly circling around trailer hoping to catch the little f------ in the act >hear some indistinct talking on side opposite mine, figure it's my chance >dramatically jump out with rifle up and start thinking of something imposing to say like "wanna die?" or "f--- you" >stage 5 autism kicks in, my brain fuses the two, and I shout at the top of my voice "WANNA F---?" >quickly look down and realize all the adrenaline has made my member fully erect >realize how it must look from their perspective >a 6'6" fatass with an AR15, a woody, and wearing nothing but cowboy boots has just asked them to f--- >I have NEVER seen anything haul ass faster in my entire life >no vandalism on the news for a couple weeks
File: clowns17n-2-web.jpg (94 KB, 750x829) Anonymous 03/22/17(Wed)16:03:39 No.726490398 story time autists >be me >6'6" 280lb redneck >we're talking full blown, AR15-toting, Trump-supporting, trailer-dwelling Texan redneck >live 2 miles from nearest human and 10 miles from nearest town >watching s----- reality TV one evening >stark naked bíc Texan summers and my wagie ass can't afford A/C >at about 11pm, hear car pulling up in driveway >LeaveMeAloneShitheads.jpg >look out window, see s------ 1990s Toyota covered in graffiti >3 teenagers in what I'm guessing was supposed to be "scary" clown attire file out >recall string of vandalism in local news, lightbulb goes off >NotOnMyWatch.exe >grab rifle, throw on nearest pair of boots and quietly go out back door >start slowly circling around trailer hoping to catch the little f------ in the act >hear some indistinct talking on side opposite mine, figure it's my chance >dramatically jump out with rifle up and start thinking of something imposing to say like "wanna die?" or "f--- you" >stage 5 autism kicks in, my brain fuses the two, and I shout at the top of my voice "WANNA F---?" >quickly look down and realize all the adrenaline has made my member fully erect >realize how it must look from their perspective >a 6'6" fatass with an AR15, a woody, and wearing nothing but cowboy boots has just asked them to f--- >I have NEVER seen anything haul ass faster in my entire life >no vandalism on the news for a couple weeks

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Anon has a question | /r/Greentext


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Anon is autistic | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/28/18(Wed)00:59:41 No.49532025 Whats some stupid s--- you have done in the past? here is a story from when i was 12. sorry if my formatting is s---, havent posted in a while >be me 4 KB JPG >depressed f----- >idea.mp3 >get some paper and tea >roll the tea in the rolls of paper >smoke >my throat gets dry >i cough a lot >lungs hurt and i vomit >tfw i tried to get high with tea
: Anonymous 11/28/18(Wed)00:59:41 No.49532025 Whats some stupid s--- you have done in the past? here is a story from when i was 12. sorry if my formatting is s---, havent posted in a while >be me 4 KB JPG >depressed f----- >idea.mp3 >get some paper and tea >roll the tea in the rolls of paper >smoke >my throat gets dry >i cough a lot >lungs hurt and i vomit >tfw i tried to get high with tea

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Are they?? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/13/18(Thu)13:28:16 No.787288109 >don't like eye contact 4 >pick up random things they find >make random noises Are endermen autistic? 86 KB JPG
: Anonymous 12/13/18(Thu)13:28:16 No.787288109 >don't like eye contact 4 >pick up random things they find >make random noises Are endermen autistic? 86 KB JPG

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Anon has a secret technique | /r/Greentext

File: Nervous pepe.jpg (7 KB, 231x218) Anonymous 03/12/17(Sun)15:57:54 No.35478083 >Playing air hockey with sister's friend. >She's pregnant >Accidentally knock the puck into her stomach >Joke that I used my secret baby killing technique >She has a miscarriage.
File: Nervous pepe.jpg (7 KB, 231x218) Anonymous 03/12/17(Sun)15:57:54 No.35478083 >Playing air hockey with sister's friend. >She's pregnant >Accidentally knock the puck into her stomach >Joke that I used my secret baby killing technique >She has a miscarriage.

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Anon prefers The Jetsons | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 12/15/17(Fri)21:28:01 No.9722834 File: asscryed.jpg (252 KB, 644x660) >>9722880 >feel bad for a lonely guy in my class >invite him to a cosplay event >he shows up dressed as Fred Flintstone in blackface >he keeps screaming "I yabba dabba dindu nuffin!" This was a f------ mistake.
Anonymous 12/15/17(Fri)21:28:01 No.9722834 File: asscryed.jpg (252 KB, 644x660) >>9722880 >feel bad for a lonely guy in my class >invite him to a cosplay event >he shows up dressed as Fred Flintstone in blackface >he keeps screaming "I yabba dabba dindu nuffin!" This was a f------ mistake.

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Anon ruined someones day | /r/Greentext

O Greentext stories thread Anonymous 02/03/21(Wed)07:10:35 No.62156231 [Reply] >>62156553 >greentext stories thread ITT: We make greentext stories. 'l go first! >be me >woke up at 5 am >starts my routine >brush my teeth >hopping on the computer >mom finding out that I am browsing the internet >mom hides >l continued browsing >Mom was busy >goes to Wikipedia Comment too long. Click here to view the full text. O Anonymous 02/03/21(Wed)07:14:52 No.62156257 File: 7384718293471892374891273(...).jpg (47 KB, 399x400) >be me >go to /r9k/ >see some retard's s----- attempt at a greentext >day ruined
O Greentext stories thread Anonymous 02/03/21(Wed)07:10:35 No.62156231 [Reply] >>62156553 >greentext stories thread ITT: We make greentext stories. 'l go first! >be me >woke up at 5 am >starts my routine >brush my teeth >hopping on the computer >mom finding out that I am browsing the internet >mom hides >l continued browsing >Mom was busy >goes to Wikipedia Comment too long. Click here to view the full text. O Anonymous 02/03/21(Wed)07:14:52 No.62156257 File: 7384718293471892374891273(...).jpg (47 KB, 399x400) >be me >go to /r9k/ >see some retard's s----- attempt at a greentext >day ruined

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Anon sending memes to his friends | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/11/17(Mon)23:27:51 No.753574540 >be 17 >be chatting in group chat with friends >be sending some memes >accidently send a meme to mom >shieeet.jpeg >explain to mom 58 KB PNG >mom sends a rare pepe >allmywut.jpeg >turns out mom knows alot about good memes >now we send memes to eachother almost daily >never been happier all my life >pic related
: Anonymous 12/11/17(Mon)23:27:51 No.753574540 >be 17 >be chatting in group chat with friends >be sending some memes >accidently send a meme to mom >shieeet.jpeg >explain to mom 58 KB PNG >mom sends a rare pepe >allmywut.jpeg >turns out mom knows alot about good memes >now we send memes to eachother almost daily >never been happier all my life >pic related

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Anon eats pancakes | /r/Greentext

>be me >ate pancake >hate pancake >puke pancake >woke up from dream >are pancake for breakfast >loved pancake 189 KB JPG >nevertrustyourdreams.jpeg
>be me >ate pancake >hate pancake >puke pancake >woke up from dream >are pancake for breakfast >loved pancake 189 KB JPG >nevertrustyourdreams.jpeg

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Anon goes to a special school | /r/Greentext

>be me >11 at the time >real p------------ >always get really good grades though >go to some type of psychiatrist with my dad >do a test 37 KB JPG >turns out l'm really f------ smart >a special school for smart and rich kids invites me to study there >hate the place because everyone seems so sophisticated >school I normally went to was filled with offspring of drug addicts and other degenerates >not able to make friends >get into even more trouble than normal >one day working in the computer room with the class >pretty girl has computer problems >was crushing on her >offered to help >my dumb mind decides to tell her to type in nobrains(dot)dk >she does and presses enter >suddenly two old men f------ on her monitor >she f------ cries >teacher absolutely livid >principle comes as well >admit that I did it >get f------ expelled after just 5 week >go back to previous school where people sniff glue
>be me >11 at the time >real p------------ >always get really good grades though >go to some type of psychiatrist with my dad >do a test 37 KB JPG >turns out l'm really f------ smart >a special school for smart and rich kids invites me to study there >hate the place because everyone seems so sophisticated >school I normally went to was filled with offspring of drug addicts and other degenerates >not able to make friends >get into even more trouble than normal >one day working in the computer room with the class >pretty girl has computer problems >was crushing on her >offered to help >my dumb mind decides to tell her to type in nobrains(dot)dk >she does and presses enter >suddenly two old men f------ on her monitor >she f------ cries >teacher absolutely livid >principle comes as well >admit that I did it >get f------ expelled after just 5 week >go back to previous school where people sniff glue

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Anon has prostate cancer | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/26/18(Mon)20:50:56 No.49517483 >Be me >Getting prostate exam >Doctor slips his fingers in my ass >Get massive hard on >F-----.png >Doctor says its normal >He probes deeper >Feels like hes going for the whole fist 250 KB PNG >Turn and stare into his soul Would it kill you for some foreplay? >mfw Im asked to leave the doctors office >mfw I still might have prostate cancer
: Anonymous 11/26/18(Mon)20:50:56 No.49517483 >Be me >Getting prostate exam >Doctor slips his fingers in my ass >Get massive hard on >F-----.png >Doctor says its normal >He probes deeper >Feels like hes going for the whole fist 250 KB PNG >Turn and stare into his soul Would it kill you for some foreplay? >mfw Im asked to leave the doctors office >mfw I still might have prostate cancer

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