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99 problems, and a bitch ain’t 12 | /r/Greentext


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Anon lives in the country. | /r/Greentext

File: clowns17n-2-web.jpg (94 KB, 750x829) Anonymous 03/22/17(Wed)16:03:39 No.726490398 story time autists >be me >6'6" 280lb redneck >we're talking full blown, AR15-toting, Trump-supporting, trailer-dwelling Texan redneck >live 2 miles from nearest human and 10 miles from nearest town >watching s----- reality TV one evening >stark naked bíc Texan summers and my wagie ass can't afford A/C >at about 11pm, hear car pulling up in driveway >LeaveMeAloneShitheads.jpg >look out window, see s------ 1990s Toyota covered in graffiti >3 teenagers in what I'm guessing was supposed to be "scary" clown attire file out >recall string of vandalism in local news, lightbulb goes off >NotOnMyWatch.exe >grab rifle, throw on nearest pair of boots and quietly go out back door >start slowly circling around trailer hoping to catch the little f------ in the act >hear some indistinct talking on side opposite mine, figure it's my chance >dramatically jump out with rifle up and start thinking of something imposing to say like "wanna die?" or "f--- you" >stage 5 autism kicks in, my brain fuses the two, and I shout at the top of my voice "WANNA F---?" >quickly look down and realize all the adrenaline has made my member fully erect >realize how it must look from their perspective >a 6'6" fatass with an AR15, a woody, and wearing nothing but cowboy boots has just asked them to f--- >I have NEVER seen anything haul ass faster in my entire life >no vandalism on the news for a couple weeks
File: clowns17n-2-web.jpg (94 KB, 750x829) Anonymous 03/22/17(Wed)16:03:39 No.726490398 story time autists >be me >6'6" 280lb redneck >we're talking full blown, AR15-toting, Trump-supporting, trailer-dwelling Texan redneck >live 2 miles from nearest human and 10 miles from nearest town >watching s----- reality TV one evening >stark naked bíc Texan summers and my wagie ass can't afford A/C >at about 11pm, hear car pulling up in driveway >LeaveMeAloneShitheads.jpg >look out window, see s------ 1990s Toyota covered in graffiti >3 teenagers in what I'm guessing was supposed to be "scary" clown attire file out >recall string of vandalism in local news, lightbulb goes off >NotOnMyWatch.exe >grab rifle, throw on nearest pair of boots and quietly go out back door >start slowly circling around trailer hoping to catch the little f------ in the act >hear some indistinct talking on side opposite mine, figure it's my chance >dramatically jump out with rifle up and start thinking of something imposing to say like "wanna die?" or "f--- you" >stage 5 autism kicks in, my brain fuses the two, and I shout at the top of my voice "WANNA F---?" >quickly look down and realize all the adrenaline has made my member fully erect >realize how it must look from their perspective >a 6'6" fatass with an AR15, a woody, and wearing nothing but cowboy boots has just asked them to f--- >I have NEVER seen anything haul ass faster in my entire life >no vandalism on the news for a couple weeks

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Anon has a question | /r/Greentext


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Anon is autistic | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/28/18(Wed)00:59:41 No.49532025 Whats some stupid s--- you have done in the past? here is a story from when i was 12. sorry if my formatting is s---, havent posted in a while >be me 4 KB JPG >depressed f----- >idea.mp3 >get some paper and tea >roll the tea in the rolls of paper >smoke >my throat gets dry >i cough a lot >lungs hurt and i vomit >tfw i tried to get high with tea
: Anonymous 11/28/18(Wed)00:59:41 No.49532025 Whats some stupid s--- you have done in the past? here is a story from when i was 12. sorry if my formatting is s---, havent posted in a while >be me 4 KB JPG >depressed f----- >idea.mp3 >get some paper and tea >roll the tea in the rolls of paper >smoke >my throat gets dry >i cough a lot >lungs hurt and i vomit >tfw i tried to get high with tea

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Are they?? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/13/18(Thu)13:28:16 No.787288109 >don't like eye contact 4 >pick up random things they find >make random noises Are endermen autistic? 86 KB JPG
: Anonymous 12/13/18(Thu)13:28:16 No.787288109 >don't like eye contact 4 >pick up random things they find >make random noises Are endermen autistic? 86 KB JPG

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Anon has a secret technique | /r/Greentext

File: Nervous pepe.jpg (7 KB, 231x218) Anonymous 03/12/17(Sun)15:57:54 No.35478083 >Playing air hockey with sister's friend. >She's pregnant >Accidentally knock the puck into her stomach >Joke that I used my secret baby killing technique >She has a miscarriage.
File: Nervous pepe.jpg (7 KB, 231x218) Anonymous 03/12/17(Sun)15:57:54 No.35478083 >Playing air hockey with sister's friend. >She's pregnant >Accidentally knock the puck into her stomach >Joke that I used my secret baby killing technique >She has a miscarriage.

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Anon prefers The Jetsons | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 12/15/17(Fri)21:28:01 No.9722834 File: asscryed.jpg (252 KB, 644x660) >>9722880 >feel bad for a lonely guy in my class >invite him to a cosplay event >he shows up dressed as Fred Flintstone in blackface >he keeps screaming "I yabba dabba dindu nuffin!" This was a f------ mistake.
Anonymous 12/15/17(Fri)21:28:01 No.9722834 File: asscryed.jpg (252 KB, 644x660) >>9722880 >feel bad for a lonely guy in my class >invite him to a cosplay event >he shows up dressed as Fred Flintstone in blackface >he keeps screaming "I yabba dabba dindu nuffin!" This was a f------ mistake.

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Anon ruined someones day | /r/Greentext

O Greentext stories thread Anonymous 02/03/21(Wed)07:10:35 No.62156231 [Reply] >>62156553 >greentext stories thread ITT: We make greentext stories. 'l go first! >be me >woke up at 5 am >starts my routine >brush my teeth >hopping on the computer >mom finding out that I am browsing the internet >mom hides >l continued browsing >Mom was busy >goes to Wikipedia Comment too long. Click here to view the full text. O Anonymous 02/03/21(Wed)07:14:52 No.62156257 File: 7384718293471892374891273(...).jpg (47 KB, 399x400) >be me >go to /r9k/ >see some retard's s----- attempt at a greentext >day ruined
O Greentext stories thread Anonymous 02/03/21(Wed)07:10:35 No.62156231 [Reply] >>62156553 >greentext stories thread ITT: We make greentext stories. 'l go first! >be me >woke up at 5 am >starts my routine >brush my teeth >hopping on the computer >mom finding out that I am browsing the internet >mom hides >l continued browsing >Mom was busy >goes to Wikipedia Comment too long. Click here to view the full text. O Anonymous 02/03/21(Wed)07:14:52 No.62156257 File: 7384718293471892374891273(...).jpg (47 KB, 399x400) >be me >go to /r9k/ >see some retard's s----- attempt at a greentext >day ruined

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Anon sending memes to his friends | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/11/17(Mon)23:27:51 No.753574540 >be 17 >be chatting in group chat with friends >be sending some memes >accidently send a meme to mom >shieeet.jpeg >explain to mom 58 KB PNG >mom sends a rare pepe >allmywut.jpeg >turns out mom knows alot about good memes >now we send memes to eachother almost daily >never been happier all my life >pic related
: Anonymous 12/11/17(Mon)23:27:51 No.753574540 >be 17 >be chatting in group chat with friends >be sending some memes >accidently send a meme to mom >shieeet.jpeg >explain to mom 58 KB PNG >mom sends a rare pepe >allmywut.jpeg >turns out mom knows alot about good memes >now we send memes to eachother almost daily >never been happier all my life >pic related

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Anon eats pancakes | /r/Greentext

>be me >ate pancake >hate pancake >puke pancake >woke up from dream >are pancake for breakfast >loved pancake 189 KB JPG >nevertrustyourdreams.jpeg
>be me >ate pancake >hate pancake >puke pancake >woke up from dream >are pancake for breakfast >loved pancake 189 KB JPG >nevertrustyourdreams.jpeg

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Anon goes to a special school | /r/Greentext

>be me >11 at the time >real p------------ >always get really good grades though >go to some type of psychiatrist with my dad >do a test 37 KB JPG >turns out l'm really f------ smart >a special school for smart and rich kids invites me to study there >hate the place because everyone seems so sophisticated >school I normally went to was filled with offspring of drug addicts and other degenerates >not able to make friends >get into even more trouble than normal >one day working in the computer room with the class >pretty girl has computer problems >was crushing on her >offered to help >my dumb mind decides to tell her to type in nobrains(dot)dk >she does and presses enter >suddenly two old men f------ on her monitor >she f------ cries >teacher absolutely livid >principle comes as well >admit that I did it >get f------ expelled after just 5 week >go back to previous school where people sniff glue
>be me >11 at the time >real p------------ >always get really good grades though >go to some type of psychiatrist with my dad >do a test 37 KB JPG >turns out l'm really f------ smart >a special school for smart and rich kids invites me to study there >hate the place because everyone seems so sophisticated >school I normally went to was filled with offspring of drug addicts and other degenerates >not able to make friends >get into even more trouble than normal >one day working in the computer room with the class >pretty girl has computer problems >was crushing on her >offered to help >my dumb mind decides to tell her to type in nobrains(dot)dk >she does and presses enter >suddenly two old men f------ on her monitor >she f------ cries >teacher absolutely livid >principle comes as well >admit that I did it >get f------ expelled after just 5 week >go back to previous school where people sniff glue

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Anon has prostate cancer | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/26/18(Mon)20:50:56 No.49517483 >Be me >Getting prostate exam >Doctor slips his fingers in my ass >Get massive hard on >F-----.png >Doctor says its normal >He probes deeper >Feels like hes going for the whole fist 250 KB PNG >Turn and stare into his soul Would it kill you for some foreplay? >mfw Im asked to leave the doctors office >mfw I still might have prostate cancer
: Anonymous 11/26/18(Mon)20:50:56 No.49517483 >Be me >Getting prostate exam >Doctor slips his fingers in my ass >Get massive hard on >F-----.png >Doctor says its normal >He probes deeper >Feels like hes going for the whole fist 250 KB PNG >Turn and stare into his soul Would it kill you for some foreplay? >mfw Im asked to leave the doctors office >mfw I still might have prostate cancer

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Anon is multilingual | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/14/18(Thu)23:24:54 No.46119625 > study a foreign language in secret > study really hard for a couple of years, vocabulary, grammar, the whole nine yards > never tell a soul > hide all of your resources for the 46 KB JPG target language > talk with native speakers using an alternate skype / discord but never tell them about your life so as to not trace back to you > become a master of this language > one day, go to public place like grocery store > pretend to slip / fall / feint > when you come to, only speak in your target language and act like you don't understand english anymore
: Anonymous 06/14/18(Thu)23:24:54 No.46119625 > study a foreign language in secret > study really hard for a couple of years, vocabulary, grammar, the whole nine yards > never tell a soul > hide all of your resources for the 46 KB JPG target language > talk with native speakers using an alternate skype / discord but never tell them about your life so as to not trace back to you > become a master of this language > one day, go to public place like grocery store > pretend to slip / fall / feint > when you come to, only speak in your target language and act like you don't understand english anymore

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Anon is a racist | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 02/02/21(Tue)13:09:05 No.62145321 [Reply] >on zoom >we're all introducing ourselves with our cameras on >get to the last people in the class >it's an Indian girl named Pooja >burst out laughing when I see this >everyone stares at me and asks if i'm ok Anonymous 02/02/21(Tue)13:11:17 No.62145352 Pooja in looja.
O Anonymous 02/02/21(Tue)13:09:05 No.62145321 [Reply] >on zoom >we're all introducing ourselves with our cameras on >get to the last people in the class >it's an Indian girl named Pooja >burst out laughing when I see this >everyone stares at me and asks if i'm ok Anonymous 02/02/21(Tue)13:11:17 No.62145352 Pooja in looja.

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Anon makes a friend | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/01/19(Tue)20:34:50 No.788782642 Story time >be me 16 at the time >high school >mates and I sneak away every lunch or free period and smoke weed 20 KB JPG >420.jpeg >do this all year >have retard kid in class, doug >dunno how but doug manages to follow us one lunch and watches us smoking weed >we see doug, didn't need him blabbing about it >we must befriend the tard >call doug over, show him how to light up >doug gets stoned >doug loves it, totally chill too >tard is cool keeping it secret >one day, doug lights up with us >"wanna hear why I like smoking anon?" >"I become a baked potato" >good on ya dougie, f------ champion.
: Anonymous 01/01/19(Tue)20:34:50 No.788782642 Story time >be me 16 at the time >high school >mates and I sneak away every lunch or free period and smoke weed 20 KB JPG >420.jpeg >do this all year >have retard kid in class, doug >dunno how but doug manages to follow us one lunch and watches us smoking weed >we see doug, didn't need him blabbing about it >we must befriend the tard >call doug over, show him how to light up >doug gets stoned >doug loves it, totally chill too >tard is cool keeping it secret >one day, doug lights up with us >"wanna hear why I like smoking anon?" >"I become a baked potato" >good on ya dougie, f------ champion.

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Anon gets a new phone | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/16/20(Fri)09:10:56 No.837992032 >Finally get a brand new phone after years >Galaxy S20 Ultra >S--- costed me $1400 >disposableincome.gif >Decide to f--- around on /b/ for s---- and giggles >Haven't been there for a couple 83 KB JPG of months >Decide to start a thread on /g/ about the best new smartphones >Casually mention my new S20 Ultra >Get one reply >Some cousin-f------ junkie from Moldova with a PC older than his broke-ass country >Applefag asks why I didn't buy an iPhone >F----- calls me poor >$1400 just to be called poor by some retard whose grandparents probably starved to death from crop failure in the USSR >mfw
: Anonymous 10/16/20(Fri)09:10:56 No.837992032 >Finally get a brand new phone after years >Galaxy S20 Ultra >S--- costed me $1400 >disposableincome.gif >Decide to f--- around on /b/ for s---- and giggles >Haven't been there for a couple 83 KB JPG of months >Decide to start a thread on /g/ about the best new smartphones >Casually mention my new S20 Ultra >Get one reply >Some cousin-f------ junkie from Moldova with a PC older than his broke-ass country >Applefag asks why I didn't buy an iPhone >F----- calls me poor >$1400 just to be called poor by some retard whose grandparents probably starved to death from crop failure in the USSR >mfw

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The Self-Sufficient Man | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/03/21(Wed)07:13:26 No.62156246 >"ok everyone find a partner" >everyone moves over to their friends >scan the room for someone who doesn't have a partner 38 KB JPG >professor notices >"EVERYONE ANON DOESN'T HAVE A PARTNER, WHO ELSE DOESN'T HAVE A PARTNER?" >class stares >crickets >prof says "just join that group over there" >mfw
: Anonymous 02/03/21(Wed)07:13:26 No.62156246 >"ok everyone find a partner" >everyone moves over to their friends >scan the room for someone who doesn't have a partner 38 KB JPG >professor notices >"EVERYONE ANON DOESN'T HAVE A PARTNER, WHO ELSE DOESN'T HAVE A PARTNER?" >class stares >crickets >prof says "just join that group over there" >mfw

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Anon shares his fantasy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/03/21(Wed)17:55:53 No.846424969 1557184944971.jpg 291 KB JPG God I wanna run a train on Ben Shapiro's sister. Everytime I see those two Republican t------ swaying in the god damn breeze all I can think about is the entire state of Israel getting f----- as I hear her moans. All I can think about is debating Ben and getting absolutely demolished and called a #libtard by his fan base. His sister walks in and start sucking on my c--- out of sorrow. I quickly have to pull out to avoid busting the largest nut ever recorded on her pretty conservative face.
: Anonymous 02/03/21(Wed)17:55:53 No.846424969 1557184944971.jpg 291 KB JPG God I wanna run a train on Ben Shapiro's sister. Everytime I see those two Republican t------ swaying in the god damn breeze all I can think about is the entire state of Israel getting f----- as I hear her moans. All I can think about is debating Ben and getting absolutely demolished and called a #libtard by his fan base. His sister walks in and start sucking on my c--- out of sorrow. I quickly have to pull out to avoid busting the largest nut ever recorded on her pretty conservative face.

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Anon gets a tree | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/31/19(Fri)00:48:52 No.801024299 Storytime /b/. >be me, depressed and homebody >smoke in my room almost constantly >decide to get a bonsai tree >looking up maintenance and care, completely overlooked my smoking 7 KB JPG habit >realize im killing this tree with my s----- choice to smoke, ignoring the irony of killing myself with my choice to smoke >started smoking outside >Started smoking less >Bonsy is looking great >i feel much better too >quit smoking Thanks bonsy. 3 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous 05/31/19(Fri)00:48:52 No.801024299 Storytime /b/. >be me, depressed and homebody >smoke in my room almost constantly >decide to get a bonsai tree >looking up maintenance and care, completely overlooked my smoking 7 KB JPG habit >realize im killing this tree with my s----- choice to smoke, ignoring the irony of killing myself with my choice to smoke >started smoking outside >Started smoking less >Bonsy is looking great >i feel much better too >quit smoking Thanks bonsy. 3 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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a neets life | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/03/21(Wed)19:05:56 No.846428432 >wake up >boot up Windows 95 >log on to 4chins >trolll evryone on 4chumps >sleep well knowing i wasted both of our time 115 KB PNG
: Anonymous 02/03/21(Wed)19:05:56 No.846428432 >wake up >boot up Windows 95 >log on to 4chins >trolll evryone on 4chumps >sleep well knowing i wasted both of our time 115 KB PNG

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