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Anon wants money | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: NxhBpv0e) 01/29/21(Fri)09:46:33 No.26948209 >tfw a new get rich quick scheme pops up every 10 minutes that you're not a part of 178 KB JPG
: Anonymous (ID: NxhBpv0e) 01/29/21(Fri)09:46:33 No.26948209 >tfw a new get rich quick scheme pops up every 10 minutes that you're not a part of 178 KB JPG

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Manual Matrix Glitch | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/17/13(Fri)15:28 No.12646957 One time I perpetrated a reality glitch on my gf. >Be in college >Walk gf to bus stop that takes her to the building her classroom is in. (It's a big college.) >She gets on bus. >I start sprinting towards a bike I had placed hours earlier at a bike rack. >Look behind me as I ride away, bus doesn't leave until about 30 seconds after I take off. >Make it to the building (1 mile from where I started) >Quickly lock bike up and go just inside the doorway of the building. >See bus approaching. >Walk outside >Just happen to run into gf >Say hey, what's up? >She is visibly shaken, and asks how I got here. >l explain that I had to use the building's computer lab after class and was just leaving. >She says she was just talking to me 3 minutes ago. >l just roll my eyes, chuckle and walk away. >Later learn she had a panic attack and threw up in the bathroom. >I haven't told her what really happened to this day.
Anonymous 05/17/13(Fri)15:28 No.12646957 One time I perpetrated a reality glitch on my gf. >Be in college >Walk gf to bus stop that takes her to the building her classroom is in. (It's a big college.) >She gets on bus. >I start sprinting towards a bike I had placed hours earlier at a bike rack. >Look behind me as I ride away, bus doesn't leave until about 30 seconds after I take off. >Make it to the building (1 mile from where I started) >Quickly lock bike up and go just inside the doorway of the building. >See bus approaching. >Walk outside >Just happen to run into gf >Say hey, what's up? >She is visibly shaken, and asks how I got here. >l explain that I had to use the building's computer lab after class and was just leaving. >She says she was just talking to me 3 minutes ago. >l just roll my eyes, chuckle and walk away. >Later learn she had a panic attack and threw up in the bathroom. >I haven't told her what really happened to this day.

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Anon remembers having confidence | /r/Greentext

No.62131000 1 hour ago missionsuceeded.jpg JPG 67.9 KİB 750x920 >Be me >15 >My friend group decides we are all gonna take turn giving each other compliments >My turn to compliment one of the girls >Can't think of anything to say >"Anon, its your turn" >Panic >Dumbidea.jpg >l say "You have a nice ass" >Everyone starts laughing >mfw she genuinely looks happy to have her ass complimented >Mission succeeded I wish I still had that kind of confidence
No.62131000 1 hour ago missionsuceeded.jpg JPG 67.9 KİB 750x920 >Be me >15 >My friend group decides we are all gonna take turn giving each other compliments >My turn to compliment one of the girls >Can't think of anything to say >"Anon, its your turn" >Panic >Dumbidea.jpg >l say "You have a nice ass" >Everyone starts laughing >mfw she genuinely looks happy to have her ass complimented >Mission succeeded I wish I still had that kind of confidence

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Anon is a hacker | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/23/19(Fri)08:26:22 No.807817159 >hear that 4chan is filled with elite hackers >open browser and go to 4chan >my laptop camera scans my retina >"permission granted" >holy mackerel these guys are elite! >l get a message on my phone from an unknown number 381 KB JPG >"put all your fingers on the trackpad" >l put my fingers on the trackpad and my fingerprints are burned off >holy f--- >mfw they initiate me into their anti-establishment hacker group >mfw we're going to flip society on their head >lol just kidding >they're just a bunch of retards
: Anonymous 08/23/19(Fri)08:26:22 No.807817159 >hear that 4chan is filled with elite hackers >open browser and go to 4chan >my laptop camera scans my retina >"permission granted" >holy mackerel these guys are elite! >l get a message on my phone from an unknown number 381 KB JPG >"put all your fingers on the trackpad" >l put my fingers on the trackpad and my fingerprints are burned off >holy f--- >mfw they initiate me into their anti-establishment hacker group >mfw we're going to flip society on their head >lol just kidding >they're just a bunch of retards

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Anon rigs the economy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: egPLaWtA 02/04/21(Thu)01:57:08 No.27695254 >be elon >Buy a s--- ton of dogecoin >Say that 100 dogecoin is now worth a Tesla >Dogecoin jump to at least 600 a share cuz it's now backed by a tesla >Elon sells off all dogecoin, still turns a 57 KB JPG massive profit despite giving away some cars Tell Me one reason why this wouldn't work?
: Anonymous (ID: egPLaWtA 02/04/21(Thu)01:57:08 No.27695254 >be elon >Buy a s--- ton of dogecoin >Say that 100 dogecoin is now worth a Tesla >Dogecoin jump to at least 600 a share cuz it's now backed by a tesla >Elon sells off all dogecoin, still turns a 57 KB JPG massive profit despite giving away some cars Tell Me one reason why this wouldn't work?

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Anon is the average student | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/01/18(Thu)20:30:36 No.49047062 >Have a whole week to do an assignment >Wait until the last 4 hours >have panic attack and total meltdown because 4 hours isn't enough to do it >have to try 58 KB PNG >do it in 2 hours >get 95% on the assignment >one week to do assignment >wait until the last 2 hours
: Anonymous 11/01/18(Thu)20:30:36 No.49047062 >Have a whole week to do an assignment >Wait until the last 4 hours >have panic attack and total meltdown because 4 hours isn't enough to do it >have to try 58 KB PNG >do it in 2 hours >get 95% on the assignment >one week to do assignment >wait until the last 2 hours

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Anon is a coomer | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 490220562 10 órával ezelőtt >>490219614 >have a coomer skyrim fully modded out to fulfill my degenerate fantasies >younger cousin sees the icon on my desktop and wants to play >sure h-haha go get a chair whileI start up the game >start up mod organizer 2 and quickly change profiles so he can play a vanilla game >watch over him play like a f------ eagle for any sign of not so vanilla-friendly things 129,1 kB PNG I'm glad modders think of everything but goddamn I nearly had a heart attack
Anonymous 490220562 10 órával ezelőtt >>490219614 >have a coomer skyrim fully modded out to fulfill my degenerate fantasies >younger cousin sees the icon on my desktop and wants to play >sure h-haha go get a chair whileI start up the game >start up mod organizer 2 and quickly change profiles so he can play a vanilla game >watch over him play like a f------ eagle for any sign of not so vanilla-friendly things 129,1 kB PNG I'm glad modders think of everything but goddamn I nearly had a heart attack

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Anon plays Skyrim | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/04/21(Thu)01:05:38 No.54297093 823DCBOD-47BO-4ABF-B787-197C339421BC.jpg 250 KB JPG Which race is the most cringe? : Anonymous 02/04/21(Thu)01:06:12 No.542971003 You, OP >>542972214 #
: Anonymous 02/04/21(Thu)01:05:38 No.54297093 823DCBOD-47BO-4ABF-B787-197C339421BC.jpg 250 KB JPG Which race is the most cringe? : Anonymous 02/04/21(Thu)01:06:12 No.542971003 You, OP >>542972214 #

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Anon is denied a proper education | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: 1ta/DtoM) 02/02/21(Tue)00:43:18 No.12055241 >be me >7 >forced to do karate >slack off every time >dad yells at me >asks me if i want to join clown school >i said yes 62 KB JPG >gets even angrier >mfw i dont get to join clown school
: Anonymous (ID: 1ta/DtoM) 02/02/21(Tue)00:43:18 No.12055241 >be me >7 >forced to do karate >slack off every time >dad yells at me >asks me if i want to join clown school >i said yes 62 KB JPG >gets even angrier >mfw i dont get to join clown school

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Killing brain cells is my business...and business is good | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/03/21(Wed)15:17:00 No.62161022 >be me >College student >transfer out of school to a traditional online college expirence one of the in-state schools has cuz I'm not getting overcharged to 40 KB JPG attend zoom classes >Take a java course cuz compsci f----- >Get assignment on Monday, write a couple classes and use them to make a bigger class. No problem, just a bit time consuming >Look at paragraph long instruction page when finished >At the bottom it says something along the lines of write use the class Tester class to test your code >Have no f------ idea what the means or what I'm supposed to write, no info provided for that class beyond one sentence >Send email to professor asking what I'm supposed to do >Next day get a response >"Anon, Can you be more specific, i don't know what assignment you're talking about" >Email him the assignment name and what module it's in >Another day later he respondeds "oh, i gave you the assignments out of order, do this one instead" >Do said assignment, ask him when the other one is due >A day later he says it's still due Sunday >Still have no f------ clue what lI'm doing, send professor my code >Next day get an email saying "you need to go to a tutor anon, I'm sure they'll help you understand it" >Use online tutoring program, the tutors have no clue what I'm supposed to do >Tell professor that they have no idea what I'm supposed to do either >Professor finally responds "hey I finally took a look at your code. It does what it's supposed to, you don't need to use the testerclass, this is actually my first time looking at the assignment instructions and I have no idea why that's there. Why am I paying for this?
: Anonymous 02/03/21(Wed)15:17:00 No.62161022 >be me >College student >transfer out of school to a traditional online college expirence one of the in-state schools has cuz I'm not getting overcharged to 40 KB JPG attend zoom classes >Take a java course cuz compsci f----- >Get assignment on Monday, write a couple classes and use them to make a bigger class. No problem, just a bit time consuming >Look at paragraph long instruction page when finished >At the bottom it says something along the lines of write use the class Tester class to test your code >Have no f------ idea what the means or what I'm supposed to write, no info provided for that class beyond one sentence >Send email to professor asking what I'm supposed to do >Next day get a response >"Anon, Can you be more specific, i don't know what assignment you're talking about" >Email him the assignment name and what module it's in >Another day later he respondeds "oh, i gave you the assignments out of order, do this one instead" >Do said assignment, ask him when the other one is due >A day later he says it's still due Sunday >Still have no f------ clue what lI'm doing, send professor my code >Next day get an email saying "you need to go to a tutor anon, I'm sure they'll help you understand it" >Use online tutoring program, the tutors have no clue what I'm supposed to do >Tell professor that they have no idea what I'm supposed to do either >Professor finally responds "hey I finally took a look at your code. It does what it's supposed to, you don't need to use the testerclass, this is actually my first time looking at the assignment instructions and I have no idea why that's there. Why am I paying for this?

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anon learns the harsh truth | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 02/04/21(Thu)07:04:04 No.543003961 File: file.png (32 KB, 688x578) >>543002637 >leamed how to use a flash drive as a kid >figured I could finally play all the games I wanted in the computer lab >copied over all the file shortcuts >mfw it didn't work
O Anonymous 02/04/21(Thu)07:04:04 No.543003961 File: file.png (32 KB, 688x578) >>543002637 >leamed how to use a flash drive as a kid >figured I could finally play all the games I wanted in the computer lab >copied over all the file shortcuts >mfw it didn't work

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Anon is an entrepreneur | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/03/21 (Wed)22:07:50 No.846494030 EZ money >make a bunch of Reddit accounts >make a bunch of very fake tweets with black people as the profile pic >upload to r/blackpeopletwitter >gain a bunch of karma on the accounts 11 KB JPG >sell them for $10 each >been doing this for six months, made $620 for doing almost nothing
: Anonymous 02/03/21 (Wed)22:07:50 No.846494030 EZ money >make a bunch of Reddit accounts >make a bunch of very fake tweets with black people as the profile pic >upload to r/blackpeopletwitter >gain a bunch of karma on the accounts 11 KB JPG >sell them for $10 each >been doing this for six months, made $620 for doing almost nothing

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Anon takes a poop | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/19/19(Thu)10:31:39 No.54480871 >be in public bathroom >it's empty >l can finally take a dump >go to one of the stalls and start cranking a fat s--- out of my ass >turd is 90% out of my a------ 125 KB JPG before the bathroom door bursts open >I hear punching and grunting >I look under my stall and see 2 pairs of feet >they are beating the s--- out of each other >suddenly hear a mirror shatter and hear one of the guys fall to the ground >bathroom is silent except for heavy breathing >feel my turd disconnecting from the mainland >f--- no f--- no f--- no >turd plops into water >echos >heavy breathing stops
: Anonymous 09/19/19(Thu)10:31:39 No.54480871 >be in public bathroom >it's empty >l can finally take a dump >go to one of the stalls and start cranking a fat s--- out of my ass >turd is 90% out of my a------ 125 KB JPG before the bathroom door bursts open >I hear punching and grunting >I look under my stall and see 2 pairs of feet >they are beating the s--- out of each other >suddenly hear a mirror shatter and hear one of the guys fall to the ground >bathroom is silent except for heavy breathing >feel my turd disconnecting from the mainland >f--- no f--- no f--- no >turd plops into water >echos >heavy breathing stops

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Anon has a bad day | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/03/21(Wed)21:15:12 No.846486403 >Be me >Dating hot girlfriend for about 6 months >She has mental issues from childhood >Opens about sexual abuse from uncle 8 KB PNG >l set her up with a therapist and drive her there every Wednesday >l always check up on her, comfort her >She tells me I saved her life >Buy ring for her >About a year and a half later >Walk into her house to find her f------ some chad > Storm out crying > Mfw I test positive for gonorrhea a few days after that >Oh I also f------ lost the ring
: Anonymous 02/03/21(Wed)21:15:12 No.846486403 >Be me >Dating hot girlfriend for about 6 months >She has mental issues from childhood >Opens about sexual abuse from uncle 8 KB PNG >l set her up with a therapist and drive her there every Wednesday >l always check up on her, comfort her >She tells me I saved her life >Buy ring for her >About a year and a half later >Walk into her house to find her f------ some chad > Storm out crying > Mfw I test positive for gonorrhea a few days after that >Oh I also f------ lost the ring

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Anon doesn’t get paid enough | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/03/21(Wed)16:50:35 No.846468068 >be me >be working at coffee shop >job is okay, pay is meh >one day, dude comes in and he's rude as all hell 46 KB JPG >idontgetpaidenoughforthis.mp3 >after the incident and making his coffee, I decide that this job isn't worth it and I deserve respect >carefully take his coffee to the bathroom, and piss half a stream in it >take it back to kitchen >call for his name and give it to him >watch him carefully as he drinks it >mfw he isn't disgusted >bastard comes up to the register and asks if his girlfriend works here >tell him no >he leaves with coffee in hand >later that day >mfw I realize he had a piss fetish >mfw he thought his gf p----- in his coffee as some sort of joke >mfw my piss tasted like his gf's piss F------ kek. View Thread
: Anonymous 02/03/21(Wed)16:50:35 No.846468068 >be me >be working at coffee shop >job is okay, pay is meh >one day, dude comes in and he's rude as all hell 46 KB JPG >idontgetpaidenoughforthis.mp3 >after the incident and making his coffee, I decide that this job isn't worth it and I deserve respect >carefully take his coffee to the bathroom, and piss half a stream in it >take it back to kitchen >call for his name and give it to him >watch him carefully as he drinks it >mfw he isn't disgusted >bastard comes up to the register and asks if his girlfriend works here >tell him no >he leaves with coffee in hand >later that day >mfw I realize he had a piss fetish >mfw he thought his gf p----- in his coffee as some sort of joke >mfw my piss tasted like his gf's piss F------ kek. View Thread

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Anon should never admit when he's wrong | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/15/20(Sun)13:16:03 No.57171994 >go on reddit >make comment about something I think I'm right about >get proven wrong >admit thatI was wrong and thank person who provided a 231 KB PNG source >get downvoted anyway >this f------ site
: Anonymous 03/15/20(Sun)13:16:03 No.57171994 >go on reddit >make comment about something I think I'm right about >get proven wrong >admit thatI was wrong and thank person who provided a 231 KB PNG source >get downvoted anyway >this f------ site

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Always Smile | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/17/15(Wed)13:45:14 No.622330744 Retarded stories thread >be me >be in first grade >taking test >teacher tells us if we can't do a 100 KB JPG problem, put a smile face >middle of test >look up at teacher >smile as hard as I can >hold smile for a solid 2 mins >mfw placed into special Ed next week
: Anonymous 06/17/15(Wed)13:45:14 No.622330744 Retarded stories thread >be me >be in first grade >taking test >teacher tells us if we can't do a 100 KB JPG problem, put a smile face >middle of test >look up at teacher >smile as hard as I can >hold smile for a solid 2 mins >mfw placed into special Ed next week

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Anon spots aliens | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous So how's your night been, anon(...) 02/03/21(Wed)07:35:55 No.27535612 Mine was ok up until a certain point (posted on /pol/ a while ago, but probably belongs here) >Be me 81 KB JPG >29 year old retard enjoying drinks and anime with his girlfriend >Time: 11:45pm >Girlfriend goes outside to call cats in >Wonder what she's up to... >Go outside >Look up into sky, see string of "stars" in a line, slowly gliding across night sky then disappearing from sight >W--.exe >Get intrigued >Jump on deck chair, to get better view >W--.exe increases >Never seen before >Get really excited by lights and seemingly not natural pattern of movement >UFO's.jpg? >Tell girlfriend I want to get a closer look >Launch myself off of the deck at mach 5 >Forget that I've had 8 beers >Land on one foot >F---.mpeg >Trip (completely naked btw - we live out in the country so was just chillin' drinking and watching anime with the GF in the nuddy) >Land hard on one side >Grazes to 10% of my body >Find out 15 minutes later that it was Elon Musk's starlink F--- you Elon musk.
: Anonymous So how's your night been, anon(...) 02/03/21(Wed)07:35:55 No.27535612 Mine was ok up until a certain point (posted on /pol/ a while ago, but probably belongs here) >Be me 81 KB JPG >29 year old retard enjoying drinks and anime with his girlfriend >Time: 11:45pm >Girlfriend goes outside to call cats in >Wonder what she's up to... >Go outside >Look up into sky, see string of "stars" in a line, slowly gliding across night sky then disappearing from sight >W--.exe >Get intrigued >Jump on deck chair, to get better view >W--.exe increases >Never seen before >Get really excited by lights and seemingly not natural pattern of movement >UFO's.jpg? >Tell girlfriend I want to get a closer look >Launch myself off of the deck at mach 5 >Forget that I've had 8 beers >Land on one foot >F---.mpeg >Trip (completely naked btw - we live out in the country so was just chillin' drinking and watching anime with the GF in the nuddy) >Land hard on one side >Grazes to 10% of my body >Find out 15 minutes later that it was Elon Musk's starlink F--- you Elon musk.

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Anon is a bit too dedicated to Warcraft 3. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/03/21(Wed)10:00:22 No.542888802 whats the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to you while playing vidya? >playing warcraft 3 tower defence >really need to shid >in the middle of an important high level wave >cant leave because I will fail if I 8 KB JPG don't micromanage my towers >anus is literally exploding under pressure >cant hold it in >sit for another hour in my s--- >finally finished >run upstairs >spend the next 90 minutes trying to wash the dry stale s--- out of my pants in the bathroom sink 53 Replies / 13 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 02/03/21(Wed)10:00:22 No.542888802 whats the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to you while playing vidya? >playing warcraft 3 tower defence >really need to shid >in the middle of an important high level wave >cant leave because I will fail if I 8 KB JPG don't micromanage my towers >anus is literally exploding under pressure >cant hold it in >sit for another hour in my s--- >finally finished >run upstairs >spend the next 90 minutes trying to wash the dry stale s--- out of my pants in the bathroom sink 53 Replies / 13 Images View Thread

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anon is bri'ish | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/03/21(Wed)22:04:35 No.62160865 FROLL FACE >be bri'ish >go to school >get stabbed by a guy with rotting teeth BUT BRITISH
Anonymous 02/03/21(Wed)22:04:35 No.62160865 FROLL FACE >be bri'ish >go to school >get stabbed by a guy with rotting teeth BUT BRITISH

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