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Anon meets chad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/30/19(Sun)18:45:12 No.51382509 >first time in gym >my very first excercise is bench >next to me are some zoomers and wiggers >they snicker and say to themselves "This dude looks like he sits behind 11 KB JPG computer 24/7" >About to cry >make up some b------- like im thristy and go to toilets so i can pack and leave >Some dude stops me and say if he can use bench >It's m------------ Chad just like from the memes >say yea >Asks if i will spot him >0-okay >We start to talk he noticed im first timer in the gym >He teaches me lifts we talk for hour and for this whole hour it feels like im safe and protected >Mfw this chad says "see you tomorrow okay? I have leg day and i willt each you deadlifts" Is this how chads are? Is this how it feels to die for king? It felt like dream but it was all real. My king My liege WE WILL MAKE IT!
: Anonymous 06/30/19(Sun)18:45:12 No.51382509 >first time in gym >my very first excercise is bench >next to me are some zoomers and wiggers >they snicker and say to themselves "This dude looks like he sits behind 11 KB JPG computer 24/7" >About to cry >make up some b------- like im thristy and go to toilets so i can pack and leave >Some dude stops me and say if he can use bench >It's m------------ Chad just like from the memes >say yea >Asks if i will spot him >0-okay >We start to talk he noticed im first timer in the gym >He teaches me lifts we talk for hour and for this whole hour it feels like im safe and protected >Mfw this chad says "see you tomorrow okay? I have leg day and i willt each you deadlifts" Is this how chads are? Is this how it feels to die for king? It felt like dream but it was all real. My king My liege WE WILL MAKE IT!

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anon has the magic strike | /r/Greentext

>television not acting right >hit it >it starts acting right| >washer machine not acting right >hit it >washer machine starts acting 29 KB JPG right >son not acting right >hit him >go to jail for assault of a minor
>television not acting right >hit it >it starts acting right| >washer machine not acting right >hit it >washer machine starts acting 29 KB JPG right >son not acting right >hit him >go to jail for assault of a minor

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Anon is smart | /r/Greentext

1h (10/12 14:30) · 12222241 1 Re · 0 Img · JPG· 30KB · (414 × 318) 1 Reply >IM COMPLETELY CERTAIN, THERE IS NO ONE LIVING INSIDE YOUR FAN >ITS SPINNING BECAUSE OF UUUUH ELE-ELECTRICTY YEAH, THERE DEFINITELY ISNT ANYBODY SPINNING IT WITH THEIR HANDS MANUALLY JUST ELECTRICITY BRO
1h (10/12 14:30) · 12222241 1 Re · 0 Img · JPG· 30KB · (414 × 318) 1 Reply >IM COMPLETELY CERTAIN, THERE IS NO ONE LIVING INSIDE YOUR FAN >ITS SPINNING BECAUSE OF UUUUH ELE-ELECTRICTY YEAH, THERE DEFINITELY ISNT ANYBODY SPINNING IT WITH THEIR HANDS MANUALLY JUST ELECTRICITY BRO

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The great fart wars | /r/Greentext

>be in 8th grade >have secret fart wars with a guy from 7th grade >whenever we pass each other in school we would fart at each other when nobody was around or make slow movements like secret 41 KB JPG agents to fart unnoticed >we make more and more risky maneuvers trying to outfart each other >one day I see him alone standing in the middle of the school yard >sprint towards him, grab him by the jacket and let the most rancid foul fart blast out of my ass >stand there victorious and proud over his shallow husk >suddenly he bursts into tears of laughter >niggawhut? >turn around >headmistress was walking closeby and stands there starring at me with a face of shock and disgust >guy is literally rolling on the floor laughing >l panic and run away with tears in my eyes >this was the day i defeated myself in the fart wars Haven't farted since
>be in 8th grade >have secret fart wars with a guy from 7th grade >whenever we pass each other in school we would fart at each other when nobody was around or make slow movements like secret 41 KB JPG agents to fart unnoticed >we make more and more risky maneuvers trying to outfart each other >one day I see him alone standing in the middle of the school yard >sprint towards him, grab him by the jacket and let the most rancid foul fart blast out of my ass >stand there victorious and proud over his shallow husk >suddenly he bursts into tears of laughter >niggawhut? >turn around >headmistress was walking closeby and stands there starring at me with a face of shock and disgust >guy is literally rolling on the floor laughing >l panic and run away with tears in my eyes >this was the day i defeated myself in the fart wars Haven't farted since

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Who’s that girl? | /r/Greentext

File: 07188DC7-6D6E-4631-B02D-4(...).jpg (10 KB, 133x236) Anonymous 02/04/21(Thu)13:39:30 No.846538150 [Reply] >>846539464 >new gf of one month >comfortable talking to eachother about anything >opens up to me >says she's bi >letsfuckingo.mov >might get some double c--- surprise >week goes by >calls me up while I'm shopping >says to come straight up to her room when come home >says there may or may not be another woman there >h-------- here it is >buy s--- >drive home so fast im practically sliding down the road >arrive and go upstairs >she's waiting for me >ask where she is >"right here anon" >pulls out knife and stabs me all of a sudden, calling me a home invader >mfw she meant bipolar
File: 07188DC7-6D6E-4631-B02D-4(...).jpg (10 KB, 133x236) Anonymous 02/04/21(Thu)13:39:30 No.846538150 [Reply] >>846539464 >new gf of one month >comfortable talking to eachother about anything >opens up to me >says she's bi >letsfuckingo.mov >might get some double c--- surprise >week goes by >calls me up while I'm shopping >says to come straight up to her room when come home >says there may or may not be another woman there >h-------- here it is >buy s--- >drive home so fast im practically sliding down the road >arrive and go upstairs >she's waiting for me >ask where she is >"right here anon" >pulls out knife and stabs me all of a sudden, calling me a home invader >mfw she meant bipolar

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That hurts | /r/Greentext

File: 1447801133114.jpg (116 KB, 1920x1080) Anonymous 11/17/15(Tue)19:08:54 No.24340048 [Reply] How do orcs know what menus are? +4 replies omitted. Click here to view. Anonymous 11/17/15(Tue)19:15:52 No.24340172 Same way you know what a vagina is They heard other people talking about them
File: 1447801133114.jpg (116 KB, 1920x1080) Anonymous 11/17/15(Tue)19:08:54 No.24340048 [Reply] How do orcs know what menus are? +4 replies omitted. Click here to view. Anonymous 11/17/15(Tue)19:15:52 No.24340172 Same way you know what a vagina is They heard other people talking about them

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anon can't sleep | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/04/21(Thu)19:28:20 No.846566063 >can't sleep >break into neighbor's house and cuddle with him >he starts freaking out >choke him out 112 KB PNG >he passes out >spoon with him >best sleep in a while
: Anonymous 02/04/21(Thu)19:28:20 No.846566063 >can't sleep >break into neighbor's house and cuddle with him >he starts freaking out >choke him out 112 KB PNG >he passes out >spoon with him >best sleep in a while

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this is so fucking sad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/03/21(Wed)23:57:48 No.542988776 >dad watching me play vidya >woah anon how did you know how to do (insert incredibly obvious thing here) >repeat x100 are boomers literally f------ retarded? 47 KB PNG : Anonymous 02/04/21(Thu)00:05:52 No.542989510 stop being a f-----, your dad is trying to connect with you >>542990391 # >>542990521 # >>542990724 # >>542990810 # >>542991437 # >>542991550 # >>542991956 # >>542992068 # >>542992151 # >>542992412 # >>542992605 # >>542993739 # >>542994051 # >>542996095 # >>542997281 # >>542998590 # >>543000324 # >>543000453 # >>543000617 # >>543000746 # >>543000841 # >>543001083 # >>543001335 # >>543001389 # >>543004779 # >>543005792 # >>543006553 # >>543007247 # >>543007582 # >>543008745 # >>543008851 # >>543008910 # >>543010419 # >>543010828 # >>543010934 # >>543010961 # >>543011220 # >>543011526 # >>543012078 # >>543014701 # >>543015032 # >>543015721 # >>543015803 # >>543015917 # >>543019926 # >>543020443 # >>543022048 #
: Anonymous 02/03/21(Wed)23:57:48 No.542988776 >dad watching me play vidya >woah anon how did you know how to do (insert incredibly obvious thing here) >repeat x100 are boomers literally f------ retarded? 47 KB PNG : Anonymous 02/04/21(Thu)00:05:52 No.542989510 stop being a f-----, your dad is trying to connect with you >>542990391 # >>542990521 # >>542990724 # >>542990810 # >>542991437 # >>542991550 # >>542991956 # >>542992068 # >>542992151 # >>542992412 # >>542992605 # >>542993739 # >>542994051 # >>542996095 # >>542997281 # >>542998590 # >>543000324 # >>543000453 # >>543000617 # >>543000746 # >>543000841 # >>543001083 # >>543001335 # >>543001389 # >>543004779 # >>543005792 # >>543006553 # >>543007247 # >>543007582 # >>543008745 # >>543008851 # >>543008910 # >>543010419 # >>543010828 # >>543010934 # >>543010961 # >>543011220 # >>543011526 # >>543012078 # >>543014701 # >>543015032 # >>543015721 # >>543015803 # >>543015917 # >>543019926 # >>543020443 # >>543022048 #

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anon calls suicide hotline | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/05/21 (Fri)01:43:15 No.846590604 >going through alot of s--- >call suicide hotline >guy asks me to tell him what is causing my problems >start telling him >mfw 5 minutes in i hear a single gunshot from the other end of the 12 KB JPG phone
: Anonymous 02/05/21 (Fri)01:43:15 No.846590604 >going through alot of s--- >call suicide hotline >guy asks me to tell him what is causing my problems >start telling him >mfw 5 minutes in i hear a single gunshot from the other end of the 12 KB JPG phone

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anon is wario | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/04/21(Thu)22:41:48 No.846579260 >Halloween 2016 >go to costume themed swingers party >dressed as Wario >a few hours in start talking to girl dressed as Princess Peach 89 KB PNG >she tells me 'lets make Mario jealous' >go to nearby Motel >get room >have odd RP sex >about to c-- >suddenly yell 'i'mma Wario, i'mma gunna c--!" >scream 'WWWAAHH!!' While cuming >says it was the worst sex experience of her life Atleast i came tho
: Anonymous 02/04/21(Thu)22:41:48 No.846579260 >Halloween 2016 >go to costume themed swingers party >dressed as Wario >a few hours in start talking to girl dressed as Princess Peach 89 KB PNG >she tells me 'lets make Mario jealous' >go to nearby Motel >get room >have odd RP sex >about to c-- >suddenly yell 'i'mma Wario, i'mma gunna c--!" >scream 'WWWAAHH!!' While cuming >says it was the worst sex experience of her life Atleast i came tho

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Anon disagrees with metro station politics | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/04/21(Thu)19:48:39 No.846554772 >Be me >Regular citizen, I pay my taxes, do my dutys >Goberment decides to build a metro station >Mobility +20, good >They use taxes money to build it 8 KB JPG >That's my money >Ffw they finish it >l have to pay for use it >w--.jpeg They build a f------ metro station with MY money, and I have to pay for use it?
: Anonymous 02/04/21(Thu)19:48:39 No.846554772 >Be me >Regular citizen, I pay my taxes, do my dutys >Goberment decides to build a metro station >Mobility +20, good >They use taxes money to build it 8 KB JPG >That's my money >Ffw they finish it >l have to pay for use it >w--.jpeg They build a f------ metro station with MY money, and I have to pay for use it?

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Anon holds his tongue | /r/Greentext


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Anon identified as Orca | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/26/18(Sun)11:26:07 No.778248228 f-----.jpg 327 KB JPG >Go out of map bounds >High level enemy spawns that kills you almost immediately : Anonymous 08/26/18(Sun)11:27:34 No.778248229 >778248228 (OP) # F--- off. There has never been a documented orca attack on a human in the wild. Orca's don't view humans as food nor as a threat. They mostly just ignore any humans in the water that we see. >>778248231 # >>778248232 # >>778248234 # >>778248235 # >778248236 # >778248237 # >>778248244 # >>778248245 # >>778248246 # >778248248 # Anonymous 08/26/18(Sun)11:40:22 No.778248244 >>778248253 # >>778248254 # >>778248263 # >>778248264 # >>778248229 >778248272 # >778248282 # >>778248292 # >>778248297 # >we >>778248301 # >>778248302 # >>778248310 # >>778248314 # 207 KB PNG >>778248321 # >778248351 # >778248397 # >>778248611 # >>778248815 # >>778248875 # >>778249065 # >>778250198 # >>778250913 # >>778251090 # >>778251464 #
: Anonymous 08/26/18(Sun)11:26:07 No.778248228 f-----.jpg 327 KB JPG >Go out of map bounds >High level enemy spawns that kills you almost immediately : Anonymous 08/26/18(Sun)11:27:34 No.778248229 >778248228 (OP) # F--- off. There has never been a documented orca attack on a human in the wild. Orca's don't view humans as food nor as a threat. They mostly just ignore any humans in the water that we see. >>778248231 # >>778248232 # >>778248234 # >>778248235 # >778248236 # >778248237 # >>778248244 # >>778248245 # >>778248246 # >778248248 # Anonymous 08/26/18(Sun)11:40:22 No.778248244 >>778248253 # >>778248254 # >>778248263 # >>778248264 # >>778248229 >778248272 # >778248282 # >>778248292 # >>778248297 # >we >>778248301 # >>778248302 # >>778248310 # >>778248314 # 207 KB PNG >>778248321 # >778248351 # >778248397 # >>778248611 # >>778248815 # >>778248875 # >>778249065 # >>778250198 # >>778250913 # >>778251090 # >>778251464 #

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Anon has police | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/16/18(Sat)23:38:28 No.46166727 >>46166446 # >Be at your house shitposting and watching animu >Doorknoking.wav >ask who is. 65 KB PNG >"FBI we are looking for anon, we need to make him some questions" >lts me but show me an id >open a little bit the door to see ID. >Feds show id >"Sorry but i dont know if those are real, i never saw a fbi badge before" >"This ones are real Anon, can you open anon?" >"Sorry i dont trust you, are you armed?" >"Yes, we are special agents". >"Ok, show me the guns" >Fed show the guns. >Close the door, call the 911, tell them two armed guys are trying to brake into my house. >Cops arrive, ask for id to feds. >black special agent reach to his wallet to show badge. got shot 4 times by local police. >mfw
: Anonymous 06/16/18(Sat)23:38:28 No.46166727 >>46166446 # >Be at your house shitposting and watching animu >Doorknoking.wav >ask who is. 65 KB PNG >"FBI we are looking for anon, we need to make him some questions" >lts me but show me an id >open a little bit the door to see ID. >Feds show id >"Sorry but i dont know if those are real, i never saw a fbi badge before" >"This ones are real Anon, can you open anon?" >"Sorry i dont trust you, are you armed?" >"Yes, we are special agents". >"Ok, show me the guns" >Fed show the guns. >Close the door, call the 911, tell them two armed guys are trying to brake into my house. >Cops arrive, ask for id to feds. >black special agent reach to his wallet to show badge. got shot 4 times by local police. >mfw

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Anon has life goals | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/03/21(Wed)23:20:27 No.846499011 >be me >be told i'm smart all my life >greatly encouraged to get at least a Master's in some science >go to university >f------ hate it 185 KB PNG >realize what i really want to do with my life is be creative and make stories >movies, cartoons, video games >student loans for university means i can't afford art school >not even sure where to even start other than art school >move back in with parents >help dad with feature in computer program >"wow anon you're so smart. why don't you go for a computer science major? you can make a lot of money" >for a week he tries to convince me to get a programming job or degree instead of current food service job >finally admit my dream to write stories to him >"oh" >"not sure how to respond to that" mfw
: Anonymous 02/03/21(Wed)23:20:27 No.846499011 >be me >be told i'm smart all my life >greatly encouraged to get at least a Master's in some science >go to university >f------ hate it 185 KB PNG >realize what i really want to do with my life is be creative and make stories >movies, cartoons, video games >student loans for university means i can't afford art school >not even sure where to even start other than art school >move back in with parents >help dad with feature in computer program >"wow anon you're so smart. why don't you go for a computer science major? you can make a lot of money" >for a week he tries to convince me to get a programming job or degree instead of current food service job >finally admit my dream to write stories to him >"oh" >"not sure how to respond to that" mfw

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Anon’s dad likes MILFs. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: q1S8wdt2 07/20/14(Sun)00:27:43 No.557553041 >>557551179 (OP) # >walk by the den one day >computer is within view of the door 55 KB JPG >dad is on the computer, doesnt hear mewalk by >viewing some creepshots of milfy news anchors thighs on google images >can see his has 3 other pages pushed to the side from other p--- sites. He's viewing them all at once in a frenzy >chuckle, and walk away >week later I come in late at night, stoned like a cheating muslim women >dad is standing in the kitchen with a baggie from my stash >"anon, just what the hell is this?" >"..well, I can tell you what its not.. a google search of your favorite news anchors thighs" >dead silence hangs in the air, he gives me a nod and leaves the room >mfw >never speak about ethier incident again probably the closest father and son moment we've ever had
Anonymous (ID: q1S8wdt2 07/20/14(Sun)00:27:43 No.557553041 >>557551179 (OP) # >walk by the den one day >computer is within view of the door 55 KB JPG >dad is on the computer, doesnt hear mewalk by >viewing some creepshots of milfy news anchors thighs on google images >can see his has 3 other pages pushed to the side from other p--- sites. He's viewing them all at once in a frenzy >chuckle, and walk away >week later I come in late at night, stoned like a cheating muslim women >dad is standing in the kitchen with a baggie from my stash >"anon, just what the hell is this?" >"..well, I can tell you what its not.. a google search of your favorite news anchors thighs" >dead silence hangs in the air, he gives me a nod and leaves the room >mfw >never speak about ethier incident again probably the closest father and son moment we've ever had

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Anon has fucke op | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 765290685 Prije 1 h >be me >be in walmart today >witness a troglodyte >some stacy with her friends >hear her say world war vietnam was a mistake >no one laughed >they agreed We need another meteor 45,9 kB JPG F------ world war vietnam 2 REPLIES
Anonymous 765290685 Prije 1 h >be me >be in walmart today >witness a troglodyte >some stacy with her friends >hear her say world war vietnam was a mistake >no one laughed >they agreed We need another meteor 45,9 kB JPG F------ world war vietnam 2 REPLIES

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Anon has autism | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/04/21(Thu)22:18:34 No.62172469 >tfw invited a girl over and unironically showed her my meme frog folder 91 KB JPG
: Anonymous 02/04/21(Thu)22:18:34 No.62172469 >tfw invited a girl over and unironically showed her my meme frog folder 91 KB JPG

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Anon has social issues | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: Mz+F72xl) 04/23/14(Wed)02:24:34 No.543522159 >be 3 years old >standing in the living room next to leather sofa >for no apparent reason think to myself "i will remember this moment" >still do
Anonymous (ID: Mz+F72xl) 04/23/14(Wed)02:24:34 No.543522159 >be 3 years old >standing in the living room next to leather sofa >for no apparent reason think to myself "i will remember this moment" >still do

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Anon wants some pancakes | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/02/21(Tue)19:48:24 No.15514415 "Can I have the fruit pancakes please?" >"The what? There's nothing on the menu called "fruit pancakes". "Th-the fresh fruit pancakes." >"Huh..." "Th-this one..." [points to menu] >"Say it." 39 KB JPG "What?" >"Say. It." "I'd like a... r-....rooty t-tooty..." >"Say it like you mean it." [starting to cry] "I-I want a r-r-rooty t-tooty f-f-.f- fresh n... n fruity..." Why do dining establishments like to humiliate their customers like this?
: Anonymous 02/02/21(Tue)19:48:24 No.15514415 "Can I have the fruit pancakes please?" >"The what? There's nothing on the menu called "fruit pancakes". "Th-the fresh fruit pancakes." >"Huh..." "Th-this one..." [points to menu] >"Say it." 39 KB JPG "What?" >"Say. It." "I'd like a... r-....rooty t-tooty..." >"Say it like you mean it." [starting to cry] "I-I want a r-r-rooty t-tooty f-f-.f- fresh n... n fruity..." Why do dining establishments like to humiliate their customers like this?

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