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Anon and the piss party | /r/Greentext

>Be me >Have a piss fetish >A fellow piss fetisher invites me to a piss party >"cmon Anon there will be a pool full of piss omfg there will be so much of it!" >Can't say no to that 462 KB JPG >When l'm there the piss for some reason repels from me >Mfw I'm the only one who can't enjoy it >Why have the piss gods cursed me?
>Be me >Have a piss fetish >A fellow piss fetisher invites me to a piss party >"cmon Anon there will be a pool full of piss omfg there will be so much of it!" >Can't say no to that 462 KB JPG >When l'm there the piss for some reason repels from me >Mfw I'm the only one who can't enjoy it >Why have the piss gods cursed me?

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Anon discovers revolutionary image saving method at the expense of a relationship | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 02/08/21(Mon)06:54:18 No.846801710 File: 2943D6F6-8C0A-4F1D-BDB1-1(..).jpg (121 KB, 614x518) >> >>846797625 (OP) pepe story tiem >be me >be on /b/ in 2012 >pepe blowing up >see thread of rare pepes but computer is broken and so is cell >being the autist i am save as many as humanly possible to my gfs phone to email to myself for review later >she finds them later and flips out The relationship didn't end there but I feel that was the catalyst for our inevitable separation
O Anonymous 02/08/21(Mon)06:54:18 No.846801710 File: 2943D6F6-8C0A-4F1D-BDB1-1(..).jpg (121 KB, 614x518) >> >>846797625 (OP) pepe story tiem >be me >be on /b/ in 2012 >pepe blowing up >see thread of rare pepes but computer is broken and so is cell >being the autist i am save as many as humanly possible to my gfs phone to email to myself for review later >she finds them later and flips out The relationship didn't end there but I feel that was the catalyst for our inevitable separation

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Anon prepares for the day | /r/Greentext

Me preparing for a long day of racism and antisemitism R: 158 / I: 48 Ismg/ - Stock Market General: Investing in white stocks edition
Me preparing for a long day of racism and antisemitism R: 158 / I: 48 Ismg/ - Stock Market General: Investing in white stocks edition

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Anon makes a prediction | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/08/21(Mon)13:45:57 No.62232199 >2026 >most of population of Earth had covid, it's no longer a threat and mostly no one cares about it >2029 >suddenly scientists discover that every male who had covid is now completely sterile 428 KB JPG >humanity is on the verge of extinction >active searches for any male who had escaped covid >it appears that basement dwellers and hikkikomori are the only one who wasn't touched by covid >there's so little hikkis that countries considers it the most precious resource in the world >tension between world powers, nuclear war incoming >UN summit. Most of the strongest countries of the world decide what to do >Decision - let every country had their basement dwellers, and there's no need to declare war to take them. Instead fertile women from all over the world would be sent for these male to impregnate them >Hikkis are so rare, that the only way to make the plan work is to send the best, the most genetically successful and the most beautiful women >Still every hikki need to f--- at least 5 women a day to save the humanity >Million of dollars spend to make life of hikkis as comfortable and healthy as possible, excluding any possible stress, eating perfect food. >hikkis now has to eat Cialis every day and f------ non- stop. >they can only sleep with one girl once Uhm, anon, are you ready for that? You have to start to take care of your health starting now, or humanity won't survive.
: Anonymous 02/08/21(Mon)13:45:57 No.62232199 >2026 >most of population of Earth had covid, it's no longer a threat and mostly no one cares about it >2029 >suddenly scientists discover that every male who had covid is now completely sterile 428 KB JPG >humanity is on the verge of extinction >active searches for any male who had escaped covid >it appears that basement dwellers and hikkikomori are the only one who wasn't touched by covid >there's so little hikkis that countries considers it the most precious resource in the world >tension between world powers, nuclear war incoming >UN summit. Most of the strongest countries of the world decide what to do >Decision - let every country had their basement dwellers, and there's no need to declare war to take them. Instead fertile women from all over the world would be sent for these male to impregnate them >Hikkis are so rare, that the only way to make the plan work is to send the best, the most genetically successful and the most beautiful women >Still every hikki need to f--- at least 5 women a day to save the humanity >Million of dollars spend to make life of hikkis as comfortable and healthy as possible, excluding any possible stress, eating perfect food. >hikkis now has to eat Cialis every day and f------ non- stop. >they can only sleep with one girl once Uhm, anon, are you ready for that? You have to start to take care of your health starting now, or humanity won't survive.

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Pirates booty | /r/Greentext

File: e21ea84f7c40c02f53d2c67d7(..).jpg (50 KB, 523x532) O Anonymous 02/08/21(Mon)06:42:43 No.846858341 [Reply] story time bread? story time >be me >rob a brewery and steal 5 barrels of booze >its all rum >3 days later i wake up and walk outside and see a suspicious black van and some police cars down the road >panic >race to the bathroom and start pouring the barrels into the bath down the drain >smash the barrels and put them in the pit out back and set them on fire >LOUD BANGING ON MY DOOR >o s--- i am f----- theyve got me >sneak up and see a female cop >she waves >answer the door anxiously >"are you okay anon? you are sweating" >the problem there is officer? >"what" she looks at me funny >"we were just down the road and i noticed black smoke coming from your back yard is everything okay?" >yes the barrels are smoking >"the what? you are aware we are in fire restrictions right? No fires" >yes of course >she comes inside and looks out back and calls the fire brigade >they put out the fire >one of the firemen ask me if i've been making rum because my house wreaks of it >"you know you can re-use the barrels right?" >of course... hahah was just burning old barrels 10 years later still not been caught
File: e21ea84f7c40c02f53d2c67d7(..).jpg (50 KB, 523x532) O Anonymous 02/08/21(Mon)06:42:43 No.846858341 [Reply] story time bread? story time >be me >rob a brewery and steal 5 barrels of booze >its all rum >3 days later i wake up and walk outside and see a suspicious black van and some police cars down the road >panic >race to the bathroom and start pouring the barrels into the bath down the drain >smash the barrels and put them in the pit out back and set them on fire >LOUD BANGING ON MY DOOR >o s--- i am f----- theyve got me >sneak up and see a female cop >she waves >answer the door anxiously >"are you okay anon? you are sweating" >the problem there is officer? >"what" she looks at me funny >"we were just down the road and i noticed black smoke coming from your back yard is everything okay?" >yes the barrels are smoking >"the what? you are aware we are in fire restrictions right? No fires" >yes of course >she comes inside and looks out back and calls the fire brigade >they put out the fire >one of the firemen ask me if i've been making rum because my house wreaks of it >"you know you can re-use the barrels right?" >of course... hahah was just burning old barrels 10 years later still not been caught

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Anon needs help | /r/Greentext

file.png 1.6 MB PNG Help how do I stop my jewish room mate from doing this?
file.png 1.6 MB PNG Help how do I stop my jewish room mate from doing this?

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Anon reads a frustrating article | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/08/21(Mon)07:15:38 No.846846258 >be me, little f----- reading article about average penis size >read that 3.94 inches is the 5th percentile, while 5.16 inches is the 50th percentile, and 6.3 inches is the 95th percentile 61 KB JPG >article says that in a study done on 15,000 women, women prefer 6.4 inch pps for a hookup, and 6.3 inches for long term relationships >article tells men not to worry cuz that's only slightly above average TIL 95th percentile is "slightly above average?"
: Anonymous 02/08/21(Mon)07:15:38 No.846846258 >be me, little f----- reading article about average penis size >read that 3.94 inches is the 5th percentile, while 5.16 inches is the 50th percentile, and 6.3 inches is the 95th percentile 61 KB JPG >article says that in a study done on 15,000 women, women prefer 6.4 inch pps for a hookup, and 6.3 inches for long term relationships >article tells men not to worry cuz that's only slightly above average TIL 95th percentile is "slightly above average?"

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Anon doesn't smoke | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/07/21(Sun)18:50:09 No.62224440 >Stranger walks up to me >"Hey, got a smoke?" >"No, sorry, I don't smoke." >"That's good. You shouldn't." 14 KB JPG
: Anonymous 02/07/21(Sun)18:50:09 No.62224440 >Stranger walks up to me >"Hey, got a smoke?" >"No, sorry, I don't smoke." >"That's good. You shouldn't." 14 KB JPG

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Anon does the thing | /r/Greentext

File: thinker_T.png (33 KB, 460x648) Ib/ Anonymous 02/08/21(Mon)01:38:12 No.84682 <be me <mfw learning4chanlingo.jpeg <I kek at trannies and n-words every day <reddit is for poopfags am i right /b/ros? <qt.13 9/10 T HIIC grill appear <mfw I simultaneously autism and spaghetti and sperg later virgins
File: thinker_T.png (33 KB, 460x648) Ib/ Anonymous 02/08/21(Mon)01:38:12 No.84682 <be me <mfw learning4chanlingo.jpeg <I kek at trannies and n-words every day <reddit is for poopfags am i right /b/ros? <qt.13 9/10 T HIIC grill appear <mfw I simultaneously autism and spaghetti and sperg later virgins

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Anon has an epiphany | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)08:18:56 No.62001152 Anyone else probably gonna die a virgin because you refuse to settle for the fat/ugly easy girls? I'm just not even interested in anything less than a qt, or at least a chubby girl with sexy fat distribution and a 84 KB JPG decent face. : Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)08:21:17 No.62001180 >>62001152 (OP) # >applies reverse logic >realises women will never settle for him 23 KB PNG tfw
: Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)08:18:56 No.62001152 Anyone else probably gonna die a virgin because you refuse to settle for the fat/ugly easy girls? I'm just not even interested in anything less than a qt, or at least a chubby girl with sexy fat distribution and a 84 KB JPG decent face. : Anonymous 01/24/21(Sun)08:21:17 No.62001180 >>62001152 (OP) # >applies reverse logic >realises women will never settle for him 23 KB PNG tfw

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leaf is ruined | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: URjuvdTJ) [-1 02/07/21(Sun)18:47:31 No.307083193 Moments you realized /pol/ has ruined your life. I'll start: >be working retail late night shift >thick white girl comes in to shop >immediately look at her and whisper under my breath "heh... 277 KB PNG built.." >realize how pathetic my life has gotten Share em boys, I know this board has effected all of us. : Anonymous (ID: ++WTBHB 02/07/21(Sun)18:49:20 No.307083458 For me, it's Bang's. The best root beer. It always washes down smooth with the most refreshing Ba root beer flavor. Hoot 276 KB JPG The smooth stainless steel look of the can is very popular. I'll walk around carrying my Bang's while drinking it and people always compliment me on the can and ask what I'm drinking out of curiosity. You can always recognize another Bang's drinker because while you're carrying your can around people will sometimes just walk by with a thumbs up and a smile. It's delicious! What a great root beer. >>307083796 # >>307084202 # >>307084509 # >>307084768 # >>307084872 # >>307085446 # >>307087228 # >>307090927 # >>307091268 #
: Anonymous (ID: URjuvdTJ) [-1 02/07/21(Sun)18:47:31 No.307083193 Moments you realized /pol/ has ruined your life. I'll start: >be working retail late night shift >thick white girl comes in to shop >immediately look at her and whisper under my breath "heh... 277 KB PNG built.." >realize how pathetic my life has gotten Share em boys, I know this board has effected all of us. : Anonymous (ID: ++WTBHB 02/07/21(Sun)18:49:20 No.307083458 For me, it's Bang's. The best root beer. It always washes down smooth with the most refreshing Ba root beer flavor. Hoot 276 KB JPG The smooth stainless steel look of the can is very popular. I'll walk around carrying my Bang's while drinking it and people always compliment me on the can and ask what I'm drinking out of curiosity. You can always recognize another Bang's drinker because while you're carrying your can around people will sometimes just walk by with a thumbs up and a smile. It's delicious! What a great root beer. >>307083796 # >>307084202 # >>307084509 # >>307084768 # >>307084872 # >>307085446 # >>307087228 # >>307090927 # >>307091268 #

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Anon plays titanfall 2 | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/08/21(Mon)00:39:00 No.846850673 >be me >huge fan of FPS games >one day pick up a used copy of titanfall 2 for 15 bucks at my local EB Games >boot it up >previous owner already had every 966 KB JPG gun and cosmetic option unlocked >sweet.jpg >star up a remix match >not even 5 seconds into the game i hear grown men arguing over some s--- about a gun >like what is even the point about arguing over that s---, you get it back after your revived >tells them to shut the f--- up >meet with silence >more silence for a solid 5 minutes >match end eventually >that was pretty odd >5 minutes pass, still trying to find a another >get voice recording from one of the dudes >at first i expected mindless shouting but was meet with throat singing and s----- guitar >after a solid minute of s----- music, f----- ask for game a rematch >ok >i get into the private match with him >getting f----- hard >eventually loose >"YEAH GET RAPPED ANON, YOU F------ USELESS P------------" >find it funny >he ask for another rematch >decline cause i have work in a hour 6 hours later >hope on PS4 >find my dms flooded with dickpics and a guy forcing his penis into a sexdoll with my gamer tag on it >"FÜCK ANON, YOUR P---- FEELS SO GOOD" >"F---, IM CUMING" >proceed to see the biggest f------ loud i have ever seen >literally c-- everywhere >next day return copy of titanfall 2 to EB Games >games was ok, 7/10
: Anonymous 02/08/21(Mon)00:39:00 No.846850673 >be me >huge fan of FPS games >one day pick up a used copy of titanfall 2 for 15 bucks at my local EB Games >boot it up >previous owner already had every 966 KB JPG gun and cosmetic option unlocked >sweet.jpg >star up a remix match >not even 5 seconds into the game i hear grown men arguing over some s--- about a gun >like what is even the point about arguing over that s---, you get it back after your revived >tells them to shut the f--- up >meet with silence >more silence for a solid 5 minutes >match end eventually >that was pretty odd >5 minutes pass, still trying to find a another >get voice recording from one of the dudes >at first i expected mindless shouting but was meet with throat singing and s----- guitar >after a solid minute of s----- music, f----- ask for game a rematch >ok >i get into the private match with him >getting f----- hard >eventually loose >"YEAH GET RAPPED ANON, YOU F------ USELESS P------------" >find it funny >he ask for another rematch >decline cause i have work in a hour 6 hours later >hope on PS4 >find my dms flooded with dickpics and a guy forcing his penis into a sexdoll with my gamer tag on it >"FÜCK ANON, YOUR P---- FEELS SO GOOD" >"F---, IM CUMING" >proceed to see the biggest f------ loud i have ever seen >literally c-- everywhere >next day return copy of titanfall 2 to EB Games >games was ok, 7/10

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Anon believes in climate change | /r/Greentext

02/08/21(Mon)08:05:43 No.307132705 >be in math class >ask teacher "are you sure this is all true? " >"yes Anon, l'm pretty sure" >be in climate change class >ask teacher "are you sure this is all true?" >Teacher starts screaming in 48 KB JPG agony >Jumps out the window >perhaps it's true then
02/08/21(Mon)08:05:43 No.307132705 >be in math class >ask teacher "are you sure this is all true? " >"yes Anon, l'm pretty sure" >be in climate change class >ask teacher "are you sure this is all true?" >Teacher starts screaming in 48 KB JPG agony >Jumps out the window >perhaps it's true then

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anon is living a fever dream | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/08/21(Mon)04:46:42 No.62227224 fembots...what were you like in high school? 73 KB JPG : Anonymous 02/08/21(Mon)04:46:42 No.62229542 >>62227224 (OP) # >fembots Imao he thinks theres women here
: Anonymous 02/08/21(Mon)04:46:42 No.62227224 fembots...what were you like in high school? 73 KB JPG : Anonymous 02/08/21(Mon)04:46:42 No.62229542 >>62227224 (OP) # >fembots Imao he thinks theres women here

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Shadow dancer | /r/Greentext

File: Screenshot 2021-02-06 at (...).png (557 KB, 784x767) U Anonymous 02/07/21(Sun)07:19:46 No.846772566 [Reply] >be me >clueless >s--- pants so hard i open the 4th dimension >all part of the plan >grab turd from my pants >use it as a blade to defeat my foes Anonymous 02/07/21(Sun)07:22:29 No.846772681 >>846772766 Did you win? Anonymous 02/07/21(Sun)07:24:32 No.846772766 >>846772681 # of course i always win
File: Screenshot 2021-02-06 at (...).png (557 KB, 784x767) U Anonymous 02/07/21(Sun)07:19:46 No.846772566 [Reply] >be me >clueless >s--- pants so hard i open the 4th dimension >all part of the plan >grab turd from my pants >use it as a blade to defeat my foes Anonymous 02/07/21(Sun)07:22:29 No.846772681 >>846772766 Did you win? Anonymous 02/07/21(Sun)07:24:32 No.846772766 >>846772681 # of course i always win

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Road tripping | /r/Greentext

File: 1611277924206.jpg (79 KB, 500x749) Anonymous 02/07/21(Sun)06:16:54 No.62217226 [Reply] >>62217241 >>62217247 > >>62217294 >Be me >Dating this girl for 7 months >Finally feels like somebody loves me >Couple of months ago she tells me she starts to get feelings for me >Fast forward to today, romantic weekend in the mountains >Last day here >She tells me yeah I don't have any feelings for you >Fugg >3 hour car ride back together in a few minutes How to cope bros
File: 1611277924206.jpg (79 KB, 500x749) Anonymous 02/07/21(Sun)06:16:54 No.62217226 [Reply] >>62217241 >>62217247 > >>62217294 >Be me >Dating this girl for 7 months >Finally feels like somebody loves me >Couple of months ago she tells me she starts to get feelings for me >Fast forward to today, romantic weekend in the mountains >Last day here >She tells me yeah I don't have any feelings for you >Fugg >3 hour car ride back together in a few minutes How to cope bros

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Anon gets an eeling | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/08/21(Mon)02:03:24 No.62226009 FEEL EEL FEELS EEL FEELS >be me in summer holiday >go fishing >catch an eel >idea.png >i pull down my pants, gently insert the eel into my ass and let it glide in >i moan as the eel moves deeper 53 KB JPG and deeper into my intestines >suddenly i feel intense pain >blood comes out of my ass >call an ambulance >ambulance arrives >my crush, the hottest girl from my school is driving the ambulance as a summer job >she looks at me in disgust
: Anonymous 02/08/21(Mon)02:03:24 No.62226009 FEEL EEL FEELS EEL FEELS >be me in summer holiday >go fishing >catch an eel >idea.png >i pull down my pants, gently insert the eel into my ass and let it glide in >i moan as the eel moves deeper 53 KB JPG and deeper into my intestines >suddenly i feel intense pain >blood comes out of my ass >call an ambulance >ambulance arrives >my crush, the hottest girl from my school is driving the ambulance as a summer job >she looks at me in disgust

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Better together | /r/Greentext

File: tumblr_onua54zybm1w7964eo1_640.jpg (48 KB, 571x548) U Anonymous 02/07/21(Sun)06:38:24 No.62217401 [Reply] >>62217460 >>62217709 >be me >been best bros with my bro since we were 14 >retard had a daughter at 17 and been struggling since >helped him out with money or babysitting once in a while so he could work and get money until he managed to get on his feet >be the present, we are both doing fine and he's remarried and has another child with his wife. I'm still single but get along well with his daughter >be a week ago >his daughter finally turned 18 and as a present I took her camping and took her virginity (with consent) >bro found out and got furious at me to the point he punched me >his betrayal felt worse than the punch >he has refused to talk to me and when i went to his house to be the better person and apologize for something that isnt even bad (she's a legal adult) he just yelled at me and almost punched me again i dont know what to do bros, he doesnt understand shes an adult now and can have her own choices, hes throwing away a great friendship over nothng
File: tumblr_onua54zybm1w7964eo1_640.jpg (48 KB, 571x548) U Anonymous 02/07/21(Sun)06:38:24 No.62217401 [Reply] >>62217460 >>62217709 >be me >been best bros with my bro since we were 14 >retard had a daughter at 17 and been struggling since >helped him out with money or babysitting once in a while so he could work and get money until he managed to get on his feet >be the present, we are both doing fine and he's remarried and has another child with his wife. I'm still single but get along well with his daughter >be a week ago >his daughter finally turned 18 and as a present I took her camping and took her virginity (with consent) >bro found out and got furious at me to the point he punched me >his betrayal felt worse than the punch >he has refused to talk to me and when i went to his house to be the better person and apologize for something that isnt even bad (she's a legal adult) he just yelled at me and almost punched me again i dont know what to do bros, he doesnt understand shes an adult now and can have her own choices, hes throwing away a great friendship over nothng

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Anon goes to a Chinese restaurant | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 12/05/20(Sat)07:26:32 No.15173736 e: ec16a718612d9599b1135e6d7(.).jpg (34 KB, 599x599) >decide to go with a friend to a chinese buffet >Place is mostly empty >While we are eating a black Mercedes sedan parks in the street >A chinese guy gets out of the Mercedes >He is wearing a white suit, a briefcase and black shades >He enters the buffet and yells something chinese to the workers And this is the part I will never forget >He used a small remote control to open a secret door in the wall I didn't even noticed it was there. >He gets in and disappear Chinese Triad?
Anonymous 12/05/20(Sat)07:26:32 No.15173736 e: ec16a718612d9599b1135e6d7(.).jpg (34 KB, 599x599) >decide to go with a friend to a chinese buffet >Place is mostly empty >While we are eating a black Mercedes sedan parks in the street >A chinese guy gets out of the Mercedes >He is wearing a white suit, a briefcase and black shades >He enters the buffet and yells something chinese to the workers And this is the part I will never forget >He used a small remote control to open a secret door in the wall I didn't even noticed it was there. >He gets in and disappear Chinese Triad?

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Anon hates garlic | /r/Greentext

>grab milk from fridge >touch garlic >day ruined
>grab milk from fridge >touch garlic >day ruined

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