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Never change /b/ | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 847010763 1 hr. ago sarge is an army jeep > WW2 happened in the cars universe > there was a cars Hitler > there was a cars Anne Frank > there was a cars Pearl Harbor 341.8 kB PNG 12 REPLIES 22 IMAGES REPLY Anonymous | 847010819 1 hr. ago awesome
Anonymous | 847010763 1 hr. ago sarge is an army jeep > WW2 happened in the cars universe > there was a cars Hitler > there was a cars Anne Frank > there was a cars Pearl Harbor 341.8 kB PNG 12 REPLIES 22 IMAGES REPLY Anonymous | 847010819 1 hr. ago awesome

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Sticky fingers | /r/Greentext

File: dog-haircut.webm (1.71 MB, 720x720) O Anonymous 02/09/21(Tue)15:47:49 No.62252518 [Reply] >>62252601 >>62252751 >first date with a female >go to a nice restaurant >waitress asks if we're ready for drinks >say yes >girl i'm with says "i want a [something weird, not even in english]" >waitress says "wow, very good choice" and scribbles something down, then looks at me >"and for you?" >feel a bead of sweat dribble down my forehead >heart is racing >i wanted a sodiepop but she'll probably think i'm an uncultured loser if i don't order something fancy as well >about to say "apple juice" but realize that is a terrible idea >blurt out "a cup of peanut butter" >breathe out a sigh of reief >girl i'm with giggles >waitress says "Okayyy then, i'll be right back" >my date busts out laughing >i say "what? i'm parched!" >she kept trying to say something but every time she let out a syllable she started laughing uncontrollably again >comes back with our drinks >waitress hands me peanut butter and a cup of water >we order our entrees >grab my cup of peanut butter and swirl the straw around in it >girl i'm with is staring at me, pretending to look away and not giggle but i can tell she's watching me and trying to hold back her laughter >put my lips up to the cup >slurp a bit of the peanut butter >let out a loud "ahhhhhhh" >wipe a bit off my lips >place my mouth back up to the cup of peanut butter >SLUUUUUUUURRRRRRPPPPP, GLUG! >entire cup of peanut butter slides down my throat >chase it with some water >"mmm, that stuff is good lol" >girl is staring at me like i just told her my d--- is 10" long we ended up having sexual intercourse in the front-front position, and she told me that drinking that peanut butter turned her on
File: dog-haircut.webm (1.71 MB, 720x720) O Anonymous 02/09/21(Tue)15:47:49 No.62252518 [Reply] >>62252601 >>62252751 >first date with a female >go to a nice restaurant >waitress asks if we're ready for drinks >say yes >girl i'm with says "i want a [something weird, not even in english]" >waitress says "wow, very good choice" and scribbles something down, then looks at me >"and for you?" >feel a bead of sweat dribble down my forehead >heart is racing >i wanted a sodiepop but she'll probably think i'm an uncultured loser if i don't order something fancy as well >about to say "apple juice" but realize that is a terrible idea >blurt out "a cup of peanut butter" >breathe out a sigh of reief >girl i'm with giggles >waitress says "Okayyy then, i'll be right back" >my date busts out laughing >i say "what? i'm parched!" >she kept trying to say something but every time she let out a syllable she started laughing uncontrollably again >comes back with our drinks >waitress hands me peanut butter and a cup of water >we order our entrees >grab my cup of peanut butter and swirl the straw around in it >girl i'm with is staring at me, pretending to look away and not giggle but i can tell she's watching me and trying to hold back her laughter >put my lips up to the cup >slurp a bit of the peanut butter >let out a loud "ahhhhhhh" >wipe a bit off my lips >place my mouth back up to the cup of peanut butter >SLUUUUUUUURRRRRRPPPPP, GLUG! >entire cup of peanut butter slides down my throat >chase it with some water >"mmm, that stuff is good lol" >girl is staring at me like i just told her my d--- is 10" long we ended up having sexual intercourse in the front-front position, and she told me that drinking that peanut butter turned her on

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Anon's Revenge | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/10/21(Wed)09:32:35 No.846992635 >Be me >Ex gf has a new boyfriend >Let's go stalk the guy >Finds out he has a weed buisness >Find out he's not very smart >Starting a folder with all the proofs 112 KB JPG >Send it to the police >1 month later >Friend tells me that police had a warrant for her appartment, they found out that she was storing the weed for her bf >She's sleeping in jail right now Am la genius anons ?
: Anonymous 02/10/21(Wed)09:32:35 No.846992635 >Be me >Ex gf has a new boyfriend >Let's go stalk the guy >Finds out he has a weed buisness >Find out he's not very smart >Starting a folder with all the proofs 112 KB JPG >Send it to the police >1 month later >Friend tells me that police had a warrant for her appartment, they found out that she was storing the weed for her bf >She's sleeping in jail right now Am la genius anons ?

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ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY!? | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 12/07/11(Wed)16:28 No.5220706 Reposting my all time favorite greentext. >playing soccer in gym >ball is up in the air >think I'm gonna be awesome and air kick it into the goal >try >miss ball >kick goalie in the face >try to ask "Are you okay?" and "I'm f------ sory." at the same time >instead end up yelling "ARE YOU F------ SORRY!?" >goalie is choking back tears
O Anonymous 12/07/11(Wed)16:28 No.5220706 Reposting my all time favorite greentext. >playing soccer in gym >ball is up in the air >think I'm gonna be awesome and air kick it into the goal >try >miss ball >kick goalie in the face >try to ask "Are you okay?" and "I'm f------ sory." at the same time >instead end up yelling "ARE YOU F------ SORRY!?" >goalie is choking back tears

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The testeract | /r/Greentext

File: 1401290089069.jpg (156 KB, 746x982) O Anonymous 02/04/21(Thu)05:46:54 No.59685347 [Reply] BORN TO >-'Day 74 of no fap, FEEL >As I exited my vehicle to walk into work I caught scent of a female in heat 73.35 meters upwind. Because of the fog I couldn't see her yet but judging by the scent she was mid twenties, and healthy. My ultra attunated hearing was able to pick up her gait, which put her at about 5'6". My mind, free of the constraints of p--- and indecent imagery, was able to calculate her weight based on the ripple in the testosterone continuum produced by her footsteps as she walked away from me. Being that I was 10 minutes early for work, I made chase and followed her through the fog still without visual contact. I was like a pilot navigating the white abyss by instrument alone. I was trailing her about 130m behind when I sensed her phone vibrate in her purse through the pavement. Holding my ear to the ground I was able to faintly pick up on the conversation she was having with beta BF. Based on the annoyed tone in her voice I knew now was the time to strike. I readied my legs and concentrated all of my Testo-chakras into my Vastus Medialus muscles as I assumed a sprinters starting stance. I exploded forward in a cataclysm of sex hormone fueled rage. Exactly 2.54 nanoseconds later I began to phase through time and space as I meshed with the testosterone continuum. As I phased through the helpless female target I nutted directly into both of her Fallopian tubes, destroying her previously unbroken hymen and causing her to orgasm INSTANTLY. As I began to slow down 33.6 light years later, I realized that while she would have wanted to thank me for giving her the gift of my superior seed that she was already dead and gone having raised my CHAD progeny to repopulate the earth. As I float into the the celestial abyss of the greater Crab Nebula I am not filled with regret for having left my world, but rather happiness for having left it a better place.
File: 1401290089069.jpg (156 KB, 746x982) O Anonymous 02/04/21(Thu)05:46:54 No.59685347 [Reply] BORN TO >-'Day 74 of no fap, FEEL >As I exited my vehicle to walk into work I caught scent of a female in heat 73.35 meters upwind. Because of the fog I couldn't see her yet but judging by the scent she was mid twenties, and healthy. My ultra attunated hearing was able to pick up her gait, which put her at about 5'6". My mind, free of the constraints of p--- and indecent imagery, was able to calculate her weight based on the ripple in the testosterone continuum produced by her footsteps as she walked away from me. Being that I was 10 minutes early for work, I made chase and followed her through the fog still without visual contact. I was like a pilot navigating the white abyss by instrument alone. I was trailing her about 130m behind when I sensed her phone vibrate in her purse through the pavement. Holding my ear to the ground I was able to faintly pick up on the conversation she was having with beta BF. Based on the annoyed tone in her voice I knew now was the time to strike. I readied my legs and concentrated all of my Testo-chakras into my Vastus Medialus muscles as I assumed a sprinters starting stance. I exploded forward in a cataclysm of sex hormone fueled rage. Exactly 2.54 nanoseconds later I began to phase through time and space as I meshed with the testosterone continuum. As I phased through the helpless female target I nutted directly into both of her Fallopian tubes, destroying her previously unbroken hymen and causing her to orgasm INSTANTLY. As I began to slow down 33.6 light years later, I realized that while she would have wanted to thank me for giving her the gift of my superior seed that she was already dead and gone having raised my CHAD progeny to repopulate the earth. As I float into the the celestial abyss of the greater Crab Nebula I am not filled with regret for having left my world, but rather happiness for having left it a better place.

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Anon's confession | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/10/21(Wed)00:01:09 No.846982037 >Want to confess my feelings to my crush >Go to her while she hangs out with her friends >"Can you be my girlfriend plz?" >They all respond: >"Ew, look at that guy" >"No one likes you" 7 KB JPG >"Go away loser" >Shout back at them: >"I'M GONNA KILL MYSELF AND YOU WILL REGRET IT " >got em
: Anonymous 02/10/21(Wed)00:01:09 No.846982037 >Want to confess my feelings to my crush >Go to her while she hangs out with her friends >"Can you be my girlfriend plz?" >They all respond: >"Ew, look at that guy" >"No one likes you" 7 KB JPG >"Go away loser" >Shout back at them: >"I'M GONNA KILL MYSELF AND YOU WILL REGRET IT " >got em

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Anon makes an anime forum | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 767715027 43 min. ago •.. My step brother is a fat cringy neckbeard, i'm bored as f--- right now so heres some cringe. >Few years ago, both in high school >We make our own anime forum to f--- around with >We get a few members >One "girl" starts posting on our forum >Says shes super in love with step brother >In forum chat, they both are having cyber sex in front of everyone >He didn't realize that i'm an admin and can see 78.1 kB JPG IP's >He was literally logging in as both the girl and himself and was essentially having cyber sex with himself
Anonymous | 767715027 43 min. ago •.. My step brother is a fat cringy neckbeard, i'm bored as f--- right now so heres some cringe. >Few years ago, both in high school >We make our own anime forum to f--- around with >We get a few members >One "girl" starts posting on our forum >Says shes super in love with step brother >In forum chat, they both are having cyber sex in front of everyone >He didn't realize that i'm an admin and can see 78.1 kB JPG IP's >He was literally logging in as both the girl and himself and was essentially having cyber sex with himself

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anon fry an eg | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: 133TNIVQ ) 08/26/14(Tue)21:09:26 No.564954759 leg so hot hot hot leg leg so hot u fry an eg O Anonymous (ID: 1U/GASB ) 08/26/14(Tue)21:09:51 No.564954840 what the actual f---
Anonymous (ID: 133TNIVQ ) 08/26/14(Tue)21:09:26 No.564954759 leg so hot hot hot leg leg so hot u fry an eg O Anonymous (ID: 1U/GASB ) 08/26/14(Tue)21:09:51 No.564954840 what the actual f---

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Anon is at a party | /r/Greentext

INSTR O Anonymous 02/09/21(Tue)14:11:41 No.846958851 >be me, 2013 >find girl dressed with cheese in a party >she looks nice in it, want to hang out with her >got to her and say "Hi, cheesed to meet you" >she slaps me in the face and says thats "the 50th someone said that to her" >pic related
INSTR O Anonymous 02/09/21(Tue)14:11:41 No.846958851 >be me, 2013 >find girl dressed with cheese in a party >she looks nice in it, want to hang out with her >got to her and say "Hi, cheesed to meet you" >she slaps me in the face and says thats "the 50th someone said that to her" >pic related

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Anon is rich | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: PDrVZEri ) 02/09/21(Tue)14:04:51 No.28222384 >Be me, 2016, Scandinavian >Poor retard and schizo, find /biz/ >lf everyone if scamming, I will scam too >Fake and get 40k per year in "disability" check, live at 79 KB PNG home >invest 400k in crypto and Antshares and Neo 2017 >Sell Neo at peak and invest it into Chainlink 2018 >Sell Chainlink into ETH last August >Now 3 million USD >Literal millionaire for free, by money I received for FREE >Can cruise the rest of my life, f--- hookers and travel the world while you seethe How does this make you feel?
: Anonymous (ID: PDrVZEri ) 02/09/21(Tue)14:04:51 No.28222384 >Be me, 2016, Scandinavian >Poor retard and schizo, find /biz/ >lf everyone if scamming, I will scam too >Fake and get 40k per year in "disability" check, live at 79 KB PNG home >invest 400k in crypto and Antshares and Neo 2017 >Sell Neo at peak and invest it into Chainlink 2018 >Sell Chainlink into ETH last August >Now 3 million USD >Literal millionaire for free, by money I received for FREE >Can cruise the rest of my life, f--- hookers and travel the world while you seethe How does this make you feel?

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Anon wakes up | /r/Greentext

woke up >took a s--- >got out of bed
woke up >took a s--- >got out of bed

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Anon wakes up | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/13/19(Fri)19:19:39 No.809464253 >wake up >day ruined 113 KB JPG 4 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 09/13/19(Fri)19:19:39 No.809464253 >wake up >day ruined 113 KB JPG 4 Replies View Thread

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Anon is ottoman | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/09/21(Tue)17:10:41 No.139234028 Screenshot 20210209-130922~2.png 401 KB PNG Ottoman Sultans be like
: Anonymous 02/09/21(Tue)17:10:41 No.139234028 Screenshot 20210209-130922~2.png 401 KB PNG Ottoman Sultans be like

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Anon is jelly | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/02/21(Tue)11:18:23 No.846326694 > be me, have gf, have been dating for like three years > she lives in a different town now that I'm in college > been talking to girl in my class, getting to be pretty good friends, but nothing more > see her talking to another guy 4 KB JPG and get irrationally mad F---
: Anonymous 02/02/21(Tue)11:18:23 No.846326694 > be me, have gf, have been dating for like three years > she lives in a different town now that I'm in college > been talking to girl in my class, getting to be pretty good friends, but nothing more > see her talking to another guy 4 KB JPG and get irrationally mad F---

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Anon likes horror | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/08/21(Mon)18:05:33 No.543598009 DAM >in uni, have to do a project for a meme subject >whatever, at least teacher is cute >have to analyze a concept that is both a product and an inspiration of post-industrial society 136 KB JPG >most students go for cookie cutter s--- like social media, television, fashion >dread the idea of having to work on a bland subject >decide to do it about horror media (especially movies) since l'm a big horror fan >literally go nuts on the project, having a shitload of fun and pouring all my autism into it >relate horror to primal fears, didactic stories, feminism, acceptable societal norms and taboos >include stories about Godzilla, Nightmare on Elm Street, Evil Dead, Cannibal Holocaust, American Psycho with gore pictures everywhere >get the best grade out of the whole class >report is full of annotations by the teacher abo horror movies recs and stuff she loved about the movies I mentionned like the final chainsaw setpiece in the Evil Dead remake. I was too beta to talk to her about it but I still remember this report as the most fun I ever had working on something in uni.
: Anonymous 02/08/21(Mon)18:05:33 No.543598009 DAM >in uni, have to do a project for a meme subject >whatever, at least teacher is cute >have to analyze a concept that is both a product and an inspiration of post-industrial society 136 KB JPG >most students go for cookie cutter s--- like social media, television, fashion >dread the idea of having to work on a bland subject >decide to do it about horror media (especially movies) since l'm a big horror fan >literally go nuts on the project, having a shitload of fun and pouring all my autism into it >relate horror to primal fears, didactic stories, feminism, acceptable societal norms and taboos >include stories about Godzilla, Nightmare on Elm Street, Evil Dead, Cannibal Holocaust, American Psycho with gore pictures everywhere >get the best grade out of the whole class >report is full of annotations by the teacher abo horror movies recs and stuff she loved about the movies I mentionned like the final chainsaw setpiece in the Evil Dead remake. I was too beta to talk to her about it but I still remember this report as the most fun I ever had working on something in uni.

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anon wakes up | /r/Greentext

File: wojak-rain-feels.gif (852 KB, 500x717) Anonymous 02/09/21(Tue)11:04:40 No.62245569 [Reply] >>62245671 >>62246689 >Cute girl invites me to come over to her house to work on school project >we're making quick progress >we finish early >tell her i should probably head home, don't want to be a nuisance >"aww, well that's alright, thank you for helping me" >"wait anon, before you go i want to show you something!" >"i know you said you liked this music, so i checked it out and they're pretty great!" >impressed that a girl would actually take the time to listen to my autistic taste in music >music playlist changes to some generic pop you'd hear on the radio > she's groovin >Come on anon, let's dance before you have to go! >l don't dance, i never dance. not even by myself >"uhh okay sure" >okay anon show me your moves! >i do some awkward disco moves, chicken dance >she thinks its hilarious, >i laugh harder than i have in years >music changes again, this time to a slow dance song >she yanks my hand and puts the other on her waist >anon, i absolutely love spending time with you. >"Me too, i had alot of fun today" >she smiles and looks down hiding her smile. >"Do you, like me?" >"yes of course i do! i've had a crush on you since the day we met" >"can i.?" >She closes her eyes and leans in for a kiss >i purse my lips to greet hers >RING RING RING RING RING RING >i wake up in bed >Tfw it was all a sad pathetic dream.
File: wojak-rain-feels.gif (852 KB, 500x717) Anonymous 02/09/21(Tue)11:04:40 No.62245569 [Reply] >>62245671 >>62246689 >Cute girl invites me to come over to her house to work on school project >we're making quick progress >we finish early >tell her i should probably head home, don't want to be a nuisance >"aww, well that's alright, thank you for helping me" >"wait anon, before you go i want to show you something!" >"i know you said you liked this music, so i checked it out and they're pretty great!" >impressed that a girl would actually take the time to listen to my autistic taste in music >music playlist changes to some generic pop you'd hear on the radio > she's groovin >Come on anon, let's dance before you have to go! >l don't dance, i never dance. not even by myself >"uhh okay sure" >okay anon show me your moves! >i do some awkward disco moves, chicken dance >she thinks its hilarious, >i laugh harder than i have in years >music changes again, this time to a slow dance song >she yanks my hand and puts the other on her waist >anon, i absolutely love spending time with you. >"Me too, i had alot of fun today" >she smiles and looks down hiding her smile. >"Do you, like me?" >"yes of course i do! i've had a crush on you since the day we met" >"can i.?" >She closes her eyes and leans in for a kiss >i purse my lips to greet hers >RING RING RING RING RING RING >i wake up in bed >Tfw it was all a sad pathetic dream.

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There is hope | /r/Greentext

Hey /b/ I need to tell you guys a story >Be me >Be working at suicide hotline >Have access to donation logs >Go through them from time to time between calls >Notice a man has made a donation of 124.0 kB PNG $17.50 every month, same day, for a couple years >Check to see if there's a note with the donations >They all read something like as follows "To Jason, from dad. I miss you every day" >l asked about it, turns out his son killed himself when he was really young >That money is his son's allowance Don't think that people won't miss you, or people will forget you, you are loved anon even if you don't feel it right now.
Hey /b/ I need to tell you guys a story >Be me >Be working at suicide hotline >Have access to donation logs >Go through them from time to time between calls >Notice a man has made a donation of 124.0 kB PNG $17.50 every month, same day, for a couple years >Check to see if there's a note with the donations >They all read something like as follows "To Jason, from dad. I miss you every day" >l asked about it, turns out his son killed himself when he was really young >That money is his son's allowance Don't think that people won't miss you, or people will forget you, you are loved anon even if you don't feel it right now.

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Anon does tinder | /r/Greentext

3h (2/9 15:40) · 59765983 38 Re · 8 Img · JPG 5KB (224 × 225) 14 Replies > go onto tinder >put in my bio "female to male trans" even tho im not >leftie retard brainwashed but QT girls keep matching with me complementing and going out with me to fukk is this r---? either way I wont stop 3h (2/9 15:42) · 59765998 >>59765983 (OP) based 3h (2/9 15:42) · 59766009 1 Reply >>59765983 (OP) Doing good work, but make sure you don't get STDS from those w-----. Don't want you to any be out of commission for this.
3h (2/9 15:40) · 59765983 38 Re · 8 Img · JPG 5KB (224 × 225) 14 Replies > go onto tinder >put in my bio "female to male trans" even tho im not >leftie retard brainwashed but QT girls keep matching with me complementing and going out with me to fukk is this r---? either way I wont stop 3h (2/9 15:42) · 59765998 >>59765983 (OP) based 3h (2/9 15:42) · 59766009 1 Reply >>59765983 (OP) Doing good work, but make sure you don't get STDS from those w-----. Don't want you to any be out of commission for this.

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Anon is an actor | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/08/21(Mon)16:48:30 No.543590368 1611769115326.jpg 96 KB JPG >Had to do a skit in HS English class about Macbeth with a partner in front of the class >l used a foam Minecraft iron sword as a prop
: Anonymous 02/08/21(Mon)16:48:30 No.543590368 1611769115326.jpg 96 KB JPG >Had to do a skit in HS English class about Macbeth with a partner in front of the class >l used a foam Minecraft iron sword as a prop

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Anon makes a spear | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/08/21(Mon)15:27:32 No.846886353 Greentext thread people born today will never know what it feels like to push a >Be me sandwich >14 into a VCR. >Out in the woods with best friend >Carve sticks into spears, having a fun day >Friend goes around a bend to take a 31 KB JPG piss >Comes running back before he has a chance to рее >"Anon there's someone out here" >Ok lol it's a public forest you f----- >"You don't unders-" >Walk past him, go around bend >l see it >It's a f------ hobo having gay sex with another hobo >l gasp >They look >I look >One gets up, starts walking towards us >Scream like a f----- >Rub away, friend can't run quite as fast >He almost trips and the hobo almost gets him >l've never seen another human have such fear in his eyes >He falls, screams and gets grabbed by hobo >Eventually get to a main road >Flag down some hick in a pickup truck >It's the other hobo >Realise the other hobo is also my dad >Get r---- Anyone else got any stories?
: Anonymous 02/08/21(Mon)15:27:32 No.846886353 Greentext thread people born today will never know what it feels like to push a >Be me sandwich >14 into a VCR. >Out in the woods with best friend >Carve sticks into spears, having a fun day >Friend goes around a bend to take a 31 KB JPG piss >Comes running back before he has a chance to рее >"Anon there's someone out here" >Ok lol it's a public forest you f----- >"You don't unders-" >Walk past him, go around bend >l see it >It's a f------ hobo having gay sex with another hobo >l gasp >They look >I look >One gets up, starts walking towards us >Scream like a f----- >Rub away, friend can't run quite as fast >He almost trips and the hobo almost gets him >l've never seen another human have such fear in his eyes >He falls, screams and gets grabbed by hobo >Eventually get to a main road >Flag down some hick in a pickup truck >It's the other hobo >Realise the other hobo is also my dad >Get r---- Anyone else got any stories?

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