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Anon goes to the movies | /r/Greentext

File: 1534731206408 jpg (20 KB, 306x306) Anonymous 05/13/19(Mon)22:33:56 No.114721440 >>114721574 >>114721787 >>114721802 >>114721857 >>114722035 >>114722125 >>114722154 >>114723089 >>114723516 >>114724732 >walk into movie theater lobby >about to buy tickets to movie >ask cashier if the movie is reddit or not >she doesn't understand >explain the differences between 4chan and reddit culture >she still doesn't get it >pull the printed memes out of my wallet to show the difference >she laughs and says it's fine >watch movie >it's reddit
File: 1534731206408 jpg (20 KB, 306x306) Anonymous 05/13/19(Mon)22:33:56 No.114721440 >>114721574 >>114721787 >>114721802 >>114721857 >>114722035 >>114722125 >>114722154 >>114723089 >>114723516 >>114724732 >walk into movie theater lobby >about to buy tickets to movie >ask cashier if the movie is reddit or not >she doesn't understand >explain the differences between 4chan and reddit culture >she still doesn't get it >pull the printed memes out of my wallet to show the difference >she laughs and says it's fine >watch movie >it's reddit

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Anon is doin ya mom | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/12/21(Fri)21:46:23 No.62303153 >>62302958 # >Dude that was based. Do not regret that for a single moment. I was sad for a bit but after 2 days I just couldn't stop kekking at how retarded that interaction was. 98 KB PNG >>62302976 # green text it >working at high end restaurant as a busser >me and dish washer bro do this thing where he will yell from across the whole back area "HEY ANON II WHATCHA DOIN?!" >I respond by yelling out the doin ya mom song, this one https://www.youtube.com/watch?v%3D5t5 3TCKIIMC [Open] >we do it for keks and because it makes the manager so salty that he starts calling us jackass's and such >on this day the girl I had mentioned before was going to ask me out for valentines day or so I had heard from her friends >though she was going to do it after the shift ended >we were really busy that day so everyone was talking and yelling in the back area >dishwasher bro is taking a piss >setting down dishes when I hear >"anon what are you doing for valentines day!" >thought is was him because to many voices to discern who said it so I start shouting the doin ya mom song >get half way through and turn around to see her standing there in awe and all red in the face >She sprints away >hear dish washer bro keking in the distances because he saw the whole thing >yeah im doin ya mom do do ya mom >>62304278 # >>62304315 # >>62304338 #
Anonymous 02/12/21(Fri)21:46:23 No.62303153 >>62302958 # >Dude that was based. Do not regret that for a single moment. I was sad for a bit but after 2 days I just couldn't stop kekking at how retarded that interaction was. 98 KB PNG >>62302976 # green text it >working at high end restaurant as a busser >me and dish washer bro do this thing where he will yell from across the whole back area "HEY ANON II WHATCHA DOIN?!" >I respond by yelling out the doin ya mom song, this one https://www.youtube.com/watch?v%3D5t5 3TCKIIMC [Open] >we do it for keks and because it makes the manager so salty that he starts calling us jackass's and such >on this day the girl I had mentioned before was going to ask me out for valentines day or so I had heard from her friends >though she was going to do it after the shift ended >we were really busy that day so everyone was talking and yelling in the back area >dishwasher bro is taking a piss >setting down dishes when I hear >"anon what are you doing for valentines day!" >thought is was him because to many voices to discern who said it so I start shouting the doin ya mom song >get half way through and turn around to see her standing there in awe and all red in the face >She sprints away >hear dish washer bro keking in the distances because he saw the whole thing >yeah im doin ya mom do do ya mom >>62304278 # >>62304315 # >>62304338 #

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Anon orders pizza | /r/Greentext

File: 1331445245 jpg-(11 KB, 299x169, okay with this.jpg) O Anonymous (ID: tjp9Qs4C) 03/11/12(Sun)00:54:05 No.386183315 NO WI WITH THIS. >Be 18 years old >Be a pizza guy >Deliver to house in bad neighborhood >Man answers door >600 pounds and naked >Eyes glazed, likely on drugs >Pays for pizza with Half dollar coins, all with dried glue on one side >Strong smell of s--- >He crapped on the floor while performing the transaction >Informed me he was "making room" >Opens pizza box >rubs slice over his naked chest >tips me $40 mfw Anonymous (ID: OfKY8mFk) 03/11/12(Sun)00:58:10 No.386184006 O If not for the fact that this is /b/, this would be incredibly what'. Nice tip. .wait, on drugs and 600 pounds.?! WHERE THE F--- DID HE GET THE MONEY ANON DEMANDS TO KNOW Anonymous (ID: WM8GIIRX) 03/11/12(Sun)01:07:07 No.386185528 O >be 40 years old >be slightly overweight >take metabolism pills >not my pills >whose f------ pills are they >Start to get really hot >remove all clothes >Remember that I have pizza coming >feel bad trip coming on >tape money to the table so I don't lose it >f---, terrible idea, scrape coins off >s--- gets weird >Door alarm rings >F------ dragon at my portcullis demanding coins >give him them while losing s--- out of fear >Take enchanted shield from inventory >rub it all over my body >use razor leaf on dragon >dragon flees >safe another day in the mushroom kingdom
File: 1331445245 jpg-(11 KB, 299x169, okay with this.jpg) O Anonymous (ID: tjp9Qs4C) 03/11/12(Sun)00:54:05 No.386183315 NO WI WITH THIS. >Be 18 years old >Be a pizza guy >Deliver to house in bad neighborhood >Man answers door >600 pounds and naked >Eyes glazed, likely on drugs >Pays for pizza with Half dollar coins, all with dried glue on one side >Strong smell of s--- >He crapped on the floor while performing the transaction >Informed me he was "making room" >Opens pizza box >rubs slice over his naked chest >tips me $40 mfw Anonymous (ID: OfKY8mFk) 03/11/12(Sun)00:58:10 No.386184006 O If not for the fact that this is /b/, this would be incredibly what'. Nice tip. .wait, on drugs and 600 pounds.?! WHERE THE F--- DID HE GET THE MONEY ANON DEMANDS TO KNOW Anonymous (ID: WM8GIIRX) 03/11/12(Sun)01:07:07 No.386185528 O >be 40 years old >be slightly overweight >take metabolism pills >not my pills >whose f------ pills are they >Start to get really hot >remove all clothes >Remember that I have pizza coming >feel bad trip coming on >tape money to the table so I don't lose it >f---, terrible idea, scrape coins off >s--- gets weird >Door alarm rings >F------ dragon at my portcullis demanding coins >give him them while losing s--- out of fear >Take enchanted shield from inventory >rub it all over my body >use razor leaf on dragon >dragon flees >safe another day in the mushroom kingdom

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Call me maybe | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/12/21(Fri)19:05:21 No.62301356 >be 1.76 MB PNG racist/fascist/homophobic/transphobic etc >have a groyper Twitter account where I post race and IQ s--- and retweet far right meme videos >sonnenrads, swastikas, khazar milker memes everwhere >receive new notification >my f------ uncle followed me >how.jpeg >realize that since my phone number is attached to my twitter account they can find my twitter through my phone number >my uncle has now confirmed that it's me and has seen all of the s--- i post on there >100% sure he's going to tell the rest of the family
: Anonymous 02/12/21(Fri)19:05:21 No.62301356 >be 1.76 MB PNG racist/fascist/homophobic/transphobic etc >have a groyper Twitter account where I post race and IQ s--- and retweet far right meme videos >sonnenrads, swastikas, khazar milker memes everwhere >receive new notification >my f------ uncle followed me >how.jpeg >realize that since my phone number is attached to my twitter account they can find my twitter through my phone number >my uncle has now confirmed that it's me and has seen all of the s--- i post on there >100% sure he's going to tell the rest of the family

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Anon knows about sex | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 02/12/21(Fri)14:42:41 No.23579469 File: 1591640177814.jpg (37 KB, 599x536) >>23579387 >Why buy the cow when the milk is free? There's no such thing as a free lunch. Casual sex: > -Requires effort to get unless you're an actual bona-fide Chad. > -Is meaningless > Have to wear a rubber unless you want to catch something that rots your c--- off > -Good chance of being mediocre, especially with a rubber since its like eating a sandwich wrapped in cling film. >-Risk of getting a total stranger pregnant. > -Risk of false r--- allegations, stalking, property damage because the person you didn't know might be f------ nuts > -Cancel culture strongly endorses women who want to take a man down for sexual misconduct > -If you treat others as a casual partner then you treat yourself the same, you're worth more than that > -Encourages you to become dependent on female validation for your self esteem >- Opportunities will gradually dry up as you age > +Your fellow degenerate friends think you're cool or something Relationship sex: > +Easy to get after actually getting into a relationship > +Meaningful > +Intimate > +Better because you know and care about each other > +Helps maintain the relationship and resolve conflict > +Can create new life in a stable loving environment > +Can start a family and be surrounded by people you love for the rest of your life The reason that virtues are virtues and sins are sins is because sins don't work in the long run and virtues do.
O Anonymous 02/12/21(Fri)14:42:41 No.23579469 File: 1591640177814.jpg (37 KB, 599x536) >>23579387 >Why buy the cow when the milk is free? There's no such thing as a free lunch. Casual sex: > -Requires effort to get unless you're an actual bona-fide Chad. > -Is meaningless > Have to wear a rubber unless you want to catch something that rots your c--- off > -Good chance of being mediocre, especially with a rubber since its like eating a sandwich wrapped in cling film. >-Risk of getting a total stranger pregnant. > -Risk of false r--- allegations, stalking, property damage because the person you didn't know might be f------ nuts > -Cancel culture strongly endorses women who want to take a man down for sexual misconduct > -If you treat others as a casual partner then you treat yourself the same, you're worth more than that > -Encourages you to become dependent on female validation for your self esteem >- Opportunities will gradually dry up as you age > +Your fellow degenerate friends think you're cool or something Relationship sex: > +Easy to get after actually getting into a relationship > +Meaningful > +Intimate > +Better because you know and care about each other > +Helps maintain the relationship and resolve conflict > +Can create new life in a stable loving environment > +Can start a family and be surrounded by people you love for the rest of your life The reason that virtues are virtues and sins are sins is because sins don't work in the long run and virtues do.

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They are coming for you anon | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/12/21(Fri)19:36:07 No.62297002 JUST Sam Hyde 2.jpg 69 KB JPG >Chief, we got the forensics department to do a full sweep of anything we could find on the suspect. >The thing is... There's hardly anything out there. >No driver's license, no car registration, no known jobs or work experience, he's not going to any universities or colleges. The guy doesn't even have a Facebook. >We've got a professional our hands here, boys...
: Anonymous 02/12/21(Fri)19:36:07 No.62297002 JUST Sam Hyde 2.jpg 69 KB JPG >Chief, we got the forensics department to do a full sweep of anything we could find on the suspect. >The thing is... There's hardly anything out there. >No driver's license, no car registration, no known jobs or work experience, he's not going to any universities or colleges. The guy doesn't even have a Facebook. >We've got a professional our hands here, boys...

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Anon's akward Halloween. | /r/Greentext

I Anonymous 05/16/20(Sat)20:27:22 No.45072332 ► >>45072613 >>45077043 >Halloween 2019 >invite friends over >several friends, are coming >i'm a nice guy so i allow it >realize all of them are shitlibs >we're talking Starbucks Marxist Young Turks fans >three days before halloween buddy calls >we regularly make Nazi jokes and speak broken, angry German at eachother >l jokingly tell him to dress for the party as an SS officer >dude's 6'3", semi-built, blonde, blue eyes >he says he'll think about it >fas forward to Halloween >he's late >call him >"Hey bro, where you at?" >"Parden mein tardiness mein furher" >"Bro. You did it?" >"Da." >I see headlights outside >he drove his wife's Volkswagon. >little red slug-bug pulls up >Shitlibs have no idea >I realize what might happen >buddy steps out of his car >lights a f------ c-- attached to one of those weird sticks >i open the door so nobody hears him >steps in my living room in front of ~15 people >"VER IZ ZE JUDEN?" >he sees our buddy Zach >Zach is cool. He gets up and runs >SSbro catches him >wrestles him out the front door >drags him to his slug bug >girl with blue hair is on her phone >all my friends who get the joke are having THE BEST time >i'm praying she didn't call the police She called the police. >SSbro peels out >was actually taking Zach on a beer run >too embarassed to actually go into a store by himself >they get pulled over on the highway >apparently SSbro rolled down the window >told the officer "Oh thank god, will you get this guy the chamber for me?" >cop did not laugh.
I Anonymous 05/16/20(Sat)20:27:22 No.45072332 ► >>45072613 >>45077043 >Halloween 2019 >invite friends over >several friends, are coming >i'm a nice guy so i allow it >realize all of them are shitlibs >we're talking Starbucks Marxist Young Turks fans >three days before halloween buddy calls >we regularly make Nazi jokes and speak broken, angry German at eachother >l jokingly tell him to dress for the party as an SS officer >dude's 6'3", semi-built, blonde, blue eyes >he says he'll think about it >fas forward to Halloween >he's late >call him >"Hey bro, where you at?" >"Parden mein tardiness mein furher" >"Bro. You did it?" >"Da." >I see headlights outside >he drove his wife's Volkswagon. >little red slug-bug pulls up >Shitlibs have no idea >I realize what might happen >buddy steps out of his car >lights a f------ c-- attached to one of those weird sticks >i open the door so nobody hears him >steps in my living room in front of ~15 people >"VER IZ ZE JUDEN?" >he sees our buddy Zach >Zach is cool. He gets up and runs >SSbro catches him >wrestles him out the front door >drags him to his slug bug >girl with blue hair is on her phone >all my friends who get the joke are having THE BEST time >i'm praying she didn't call the police She called the police. >SSbro peels out >was actually taking Zach on a beer run >too embarassed to actually go into a store by himself >they get pulled over on the highway >apparently SSbro rolled down the window >told the officer "Oh thank god, will you get this guy the chamber for me?" >cop did not laugh.

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Anon uses his mom's dildo | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/13/18(Tue)01:38:06 No.784696530 >be dumb kid >sister is chasing me and being annoying >I hide behind bed in my parents room >BIG BLACK F------ DILDO W-- >dumb kid so don't know what it is >just know it's big and heavy and I can hit my sister with it >she comes it room >l jump out from behind bed, holding my newfound weapon with both hands >swing like the force of an angry god >strike sister in face hard with big black balls right in her dumb face >sister runs out crying with bloody nose >tells my mom >mom embarrassed as all hell >dad can not stop laughing >mom only tells me that's not a toy and don't touch it >dad is in f------ tears laughing so hard >don't even get in trouble for clocking my sister in the face >I stand the victor Don't know how I feel about knowing I've touched something my mom had in her vagina. But by that logic, I touch myself all the time, so whatever.
: Anonymous 11/13/18(Tue)01:38:06 No.784696530 >be dumb kid >sister is chasing me and being annoying >I hide behind bed in my parents room >BIG BLACK F------ DILDO W-- >dumb kid so don't know what it is >just know it's big and heavy and I can hit my sister with it >she comes it room >l jump out from behind bed, holding my newfound weapon with both hands >swing like the force of an angry god >strike sister in face hard with big black balls right in her dumb face >sister runs out crying with bloody nose >tells my mom >mom embarrassed as all hell >dad can not stop laughing >mom only tells me that's not a toy and don't touch it >dad is in f------ tears laughing so hard >don't even get in trouble for clocking my sister in the face >I stand the victor Don't know how I feel about knowing I've touched something my mom had in her vagina. But by that logic, I touch myself all the time, so whatever.

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Thanos' biggest weakness | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/12/19(Sun)16:20:05 No.461931224 What video game characters could have defeated Thanos? Hardmode, they can't be from a non-video game franchise, like Goku from Dragonball 97 KB JPG : Anonymous 05/12/19(Sun)16:24:20 No.461931704 Okay... Thanos, you need to leave 13 KB PNG >>461931880 # >>461932008 # >>461932134 # >>461933229 # >>461946176 # >>461946432 # >>461953000 #
Anonymous 05/12/19(Sun)16:20:05 No.461931224 What video game characters could have defeated Thanos? Hardmode, they can't be from a non-video game franchise, like Goku from Dragonball 97 KB JPG : Anonymous 05/12/19(Sun)16:24:20 No.461931704 Okay... Thanos, you need to leave 13 KB PNG >>461931880 # >>461932008 # >>461932134 # >>461933229 # >>461946176 # >>461946432 # >>461953000 #

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Anon is philosophical and sad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/13/21(Sat)10:34:57 No.1465302 >Tom Cruise will die in your lifetime :(. 80 KB JPG : Anonymous 02/13/21(Sat)10:36:02 No.14653026 You will die in your lifetime :( >>146530276 #
: Anonymous 02/13/21(Sat)10:34:57 No.1465302 >Tom Cruise will die in your lifetime :(. 80 KB JPG : Anonymous 02/13/21(Sat)10:36:02 No.14653026 You will die in your lifetime :( >>146530276 #

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Anon has urges | /r/Greentext

File: 1584882508519.png (421 KB, 720x720) I Anonymous 02/12/21(Fri)21:34:27 No.62304670 [Reply] >fap >want to kill myself >don't fap >want to overthrow the government
File: 1584882508519.png (421 KB, 720x720) I Anonymous 02/12/21(Fri)21:34:27 No.62304670 [Reply] >fap >want to kill myself >don't fap >want to overthrow the government

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anon works at the boarder | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/12/21(Fri)16:56:37 No.15573032 [Reply] >>15573040 >: What country has the best bologna? Anonymous 02/12/21(Fri)16:57:59 No.15573040 Anonymous 02/12/21(Fri)16:58:06 No.15573042 ► Anonymous 02/12/21(Fri)17:08:08 No.15573073 Border Patrol agents confiscate nearly 200 pounds of bologna found in car at New Mexico border >>15573032 (OP) >Be me >Border patrol agent >Confiscate 200 pounds of cocaine >ldea.jpg >Report as bologna >Sell cocaine >Use profits to buy 200 pounds of bologna to place in custody What place should I retire to for the best culinary experience?
Anonymous 02/12/21(Fri)16:56:37 No.15573032 [Reply] >>15573040 >: What country has the best bologna? Anonymous 02/12/21(Fri)16:57:59 No.15573040 Anonymous 02/12/21(Fri)16:58:06 No.15573042 ► Anonymous 02/12/21(Fri)17:08:08 No.15573073 Border Patrol agents confiscate nearly 200 pounds of bologna found in car at New Mexico border >>15573032 (OP) >Be me >Border patrol agent >Confiscate 200 pounds of cocaine >ldea.jpg >Report as bologna >Sell cocaine >Use profits to buy 200 pounds of bologna to place in custody What place should I retire to for the best culinary experience?

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Anon Still Has That Face | /r/Greentext

4665 png (87 KB, 292x292) O Anonymous 11/28/16(Mon)01:19:05 No.8316930 ► >went to the pizza place my dad used to work at >owner tells me funny stories about my dad >then he gives me free pizza and fries fries I had a great time. *O Anonymous 11/28/16(Mon)01:23.39 No.8316931 >28 did you make that face while you were driving home Anonymous 11/28/16(Mon)01:25:36 No. 8316934 >>8316931 Yes Anonymous 11/28/16(Mon)01:35:34 No.8316944 >8316946 are you still making that face now Anonymous 11/28/16(Mon)01:36: 16 No.8316946 >8316950 >>8316944 Yeah Anonymous 11/28/16(Mon)01:37:48 No.8316950 >>8316953 >>8316946 I am happy for you anon Anonymous 11/28/16(Mon)01:39:42 No.8316953 ► >>8316950 Thanks
4665 png (87 KB, 292x292) O Anonymous 11/28/16(Mon)01:19:05 No.8316930 ► >went to the pizza place my dad used to work at >owner tells me funny stories about my dad >then he gives me free pizza and fries fries I had a great time. *O Anonymous 11/28/16(Mon)01:23.39 No.8316931 >28 did you make that face while you were driving home Anonymous 11/28/16(Mon)01:25:36 No. 8316934 >>8316931 Yes Anonymous 11/28/16(Mon)01:35:34 No.8316944 >8316946 are you still making that face now Anonymous 11/28/16(Mon)01:36: 16 No.8316946 >8316950 >>8316944 Yeah Anonymous 11/28/16(Mon)01:37:48 No.8316950 >>8316953 >>8316946 I am happy for you anon Anonymous 11/28/16(Mon)01:39:42 No.8316953 ► >>8316950 Thanks

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Anon in elementary school | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/21/16(Sun)19:36:58 No.670088283 I used to regularly use classmates as sentry guns in elementary school. The situation basically went like this each time: > Be me in elementary school, circa 1991 > Go to the bathroom during second recess, shortly after lunch ended > Bide my time in a toilet stall > Wait until a line of 3 or more kids are using the urinals > Target the one that just started peeing, less likely chance he'll stop > Run up behind him, simultaneously knee him in the ass and grab him by the shoulders > Kid can't stop peeing > Can control direction of piss stream by moving his shoulders left and right > Use him as a sentry gun to fire piss at other students > Run away when piss stream begins to weaken I did it randomly a few times each month and nobody ever did anything about me.
: Anonymous 02/21/16(Sun)19:36:58 No.670088283 I used to regularly use classmates as sentry guns in elementary school. The situation basically went like this each time: > Be me in elementary school, circa 1991 > Go to the bathroom during second recess, shortly after lunch ended > Bide my time in a toilet stall > Wait until a line of 3 or more kids are using the urinals > Target the one that just started peeing, less likely chance he'll stop > Run up behind him, simultaneously knee him in the ass and grab him by the shoulders > Kid can't stop peeing > Can control direction of piss stream by moving his shoulders left and right > Use him as a sentry gun to fire piss at other students > Run away when piss stream begins to weaken I did it randomly a few times each month and nobody ever did anything about me.

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Anon plays Civ 5 | /r/Greentext

>be me >be virgin >plan Civ5 game with some friends for Saturday night >Saturday night comes >girl l've been flirting with sends me a snap asking me to come over 284 KB PNG and bring her some Popeyes cause she's home alone >f--- yeah.gif >only one problem >Civ5 game starts in an hour >l ask for her address >takes her 20 min to respond cause she took a shower >she gives her address and says she'll "tip generously ;)" >spaghetti time >tell her "sorry I already planned to play some video games with some friends tonight, but next time you're out of food at home let me know" >she doesn't say anything >after five minutes she says “k" >snap later is of her getting Popeyes from one of her friends >sit and play Civ5 in regret >could've seen you later virgins >mfw Civ5 game wasn't even that fun TL;DR I turned down a chance to get laid to play video games with other virgins
>be me >be virgin >plan Civ5 game with some friends for Saturday night >Saturday night comes >girl l've been flirting with sends me a snap asking me to come over 284 KB PNG and bring her some Popeyes cause she's home alone >f--- yeah.gif >only one problem >Civ5 game starts in an hour >l ask for her address >takes her 20 min to respond cause she took a shower >she gives her address and says she'll "tip generously ;)" >spaghetti time >tell her "sorry I already planned to play some video games with some friends tonight, but next time you're out of food at home let me know" >she doesn't say anything >after five minutes she says “k" >snap later is of her getting Popeyes from one of her friends >sit and play Civ5 in regret >could've seen you later virgins >mfw Civ5 game wasn't even that fun TL;DR I turned down a chance to get laid to play video games with other virgins

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Anon casts a magic spell | /r/Greentext

Say the magic words now >bippity >boppity >poo 91 KB JPG
Say the magic words now >bippity >boppity >poo 91 KB JPG

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Amon meets a girl | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/29/21(Fri)18:16:05 No.846070977 I'm so confused right now. >Be me at bar >Walking to back patio to drink outside >A girl literally pulls me on top of her on a pool table 42 KB JPG >We start talking >This guy starts talking to me while I'm talking to her >Hey anon, this is my husband >She starts grinding on me while her husband is talking to me having a conversation like normal >She asks me to come home with her >Riding home with them thinking they're into cuckolding >We get there, she makes a bed on the couch and says "we'll see you in the morning anon" >They go upstairs and shut the door >She makes me breakfast in the morning and drives me home
: Anonymous 01/29/21(Fri)18:16:05 No.846070977 I'm so confused right now. >Be me at bar >Walking to back patio to drink outside >A girl literally pulls me on top of her on a pool table 42 KB JPG >We start talking >This guy starts talking to me while I'm talking to her >Hey anon, this is my husband >She starts grinding on me while her husband is talking to me having a conversation like normal >She asks me to come home with her >Riding home with them thinking they're into cuckolding >We get there, she makes a bed on the couch and says "we'll see you in the morning anon" >They go upstairs and shut the door >She makes me breakfast in the morning and drives me home

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In a thread about Louis CK | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/12/21(Fri)18:47:54 No.146472634 >>146472512%23 >be around 8 or so, sister is 12ish >sitting in tv room >there's a bronze statue with exposed breasts in this room >me, my sister and my mom >mom leaves room >i run over and start rubbing my penis on the statue because i know it gets my sister annoyed >she screams and says "MOM HE'S DOING IT" or whatever and mom doesn't care >continue just smashing my penis against the statue >as soon as i hear mom coming back i quickly sit down cross legged like nothing happened >sister complains to mom but nothing >also, unrelated but one time i sat down and i just started to do a s--- on the floor and mom got angry and carried me to the bath and used the shower to shower the s--- off my butt and i remember seeing the sticker for an apple that i ate by accident in the s--- as it went down the sinkhole >>146472686 # >>146472733 # >>146472759 # >>146472766 # >>146472799 # >>146472869 # >>146473027 # >>146473070 # >>146473079 # >>146473088 # >>146473139 # >>146473188 # >>146473211 # >>146473294 # >>146473343 # >>146473357 # >>146473455 # >>146473503 # >>146473568 # >>146473691 # >>146474453 # >>146474541 # >>146474576 # >>146474596 # >>146474734 # >>146474903 # >>146475801 # >>146476705 # >>146476769 # >>146476919 # >>146477221 # >>146477355 # >>146477839 # >>146477966 # >>146478285 # >>146479043 # >>146479916 # >>146481457 # >>146482069 # >>146482346 # >>146482550 # >>146483441 # >>146483927 #
: Anonymous 02/12/21(Fri)18:47:54 No.146472634 >>146472512%23 >be around 8 or so, sister is 12ish >sitting in tv room >there's a bronze statue with exposed breasts in this room >me, my sister and my mom >mom leaves room >i run over and start rubbing my penis on the statue because i know it gets my sister annoyed >she screams and says "MOM HE'S DOING IT" or whatever and mom doesn't care >continue just smashing my penis against the statue >as soon as i hear mom coming back i quickly sit down cross legged like nothing happened >sister complains to mom but nothing >also, unrelated but one time i sat down and i just started to do a s--- on the floor and mom got angry and carried me to the bath and used the shower to shower the s--- off my butt and i remember seeing the sticker for an apple that i ate by accident in the s--- as it went down the sinkhole >>146472686 # >>146472733 # >>146472759 # >>146472766 # >>146472799 # >>146472869 # >>146473027 # >>146473070 # >>146473079 # >>146473088 # >>146473139 # >>146473188 # >>146473211 # >>146473294 # >>146473343 # >>146473357 # >>146473455 # >>146473503 # >>146473568 # >>146473691 # >>146474453 # >>146474541 # >>146474576 # >>146474596 # >>146474734 # >>146474903 # >>146475801 # >>146476705 # >>146476769 # >>146476919 # >>146477221 # >>146477355 # >>146477839 # >>146477966 # >>146478285 # >>146479043 # >>146479916 # >>146481457 # >>146482069 # >>146482346 # >>146482550 # >>146483441 # >>146483927 #

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Anon makes a mistake | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/08/21(Mon)02:03:24 No.62226009 FEEL EEL FEELS EEL FEELS >be me in summer holiday >go fishing >catch an eel >idea.png >i pull down my pants, gently insert the eel into my ass and let it glide in 53 KB JPG >i moan as the eel moves deeper and deeper into my intestines >suddenly i feel intense pain >blood comes out of my ass >call an ambulance >ambulance arrives >my crush, the hottest girl from my school is driving the ambulance as a summer job >she looks at me in disgust
: Anonymous 02/08/21(Mon)02:03:24 No.62226009 FEEL EEL FEELS EEL FEELS >be me in summer holiday >go fishing >catch an eel >idea.png >i pull down my pants, gently insert the eel into my ass and let it glide in 53 KB JPG >i moan as the eel moves deeper and deeper into my intestines >suddenly i feel intense pain >blood comes out of my ass >call an ambulance >ambulance arrives >my crush, the hottest girl from my school is driving the ambulance as a summer job >she looks at me in disgust

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Anon has a dad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/12/21(Fri)21:09:48 No.847244811 >me, 27 >was raised by a single dad, mom walked out >no siblings >extended family either in jail or dead 28 KB JPG >he worked his ass off to provide and be the best father he could >he's having health issues >so I move back in with him in Dec '19 >weird to be living at home again, but we're pretty close >help him with various household stuff >pandemic hits >start working from home to limit my contact with the public >still see friends, but distanced with masks >friends start distancing themselves from me >eventually they just stop texting me >sad >my dad notices how depressed I was >orders a f--- ton of movies off of Amazon >we watch them when l'm done with work >we sit at the kitchen table every night, have beers and joke >In may he catches COVID >tough f----- beats it >fast forward to yesterday >l run to the grocery store >I come back and find my dad on the floor >call 911, perform CPR >EMTS arrive >there's nothing they can do >they take him >been up since then >sit down tonight at the kitchen table, drinking a beer >turn to tell him a joke I just remove remembered >realize he's gone for good
: Anonymous 02/12/21(Fri)21:09:48 No.847244811 >me, 27 >was raised by a single dad, mom walked out >no siblings >extended family either in jail or dead 28 KB JPG >he worked his ass off to provide and be the best father he could >he's having health issues >so I move back in with him in Dec '19 >weird to be living at home again, but we're pretty close >help him with various household stuff >pandemic hits >start working from home to limit my contact with the public >still see friends, but distanced with masks >friends start distancing themselves from me >eventually they just stop texting me >sad >my dad notices how depressed I was >orders a f--- ton of movies off of Amazon >we watch them when l'm done with work >we sit at the kitchen table every night, have beers and joke >In may he catches COVID >tough f----- beats it >fast forward to yesterday >l run to the grocery store >I come back and find my dad on the floor >call 911, perform CPR >EMTS arrive >there's nothing they can do >they take him >been up since then >sit down tonight at the kitchen table, drinking a beer >turn to tell him a joke I just remove remembered >realize he's gone for good

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