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Anon tries a new game | /r/Greentext

File: uno.jpg (7 KB, 500x500) UNO Uno Anonymous 10/21/24(Mon) 18:36:19 No.926294728 [Reply] >>926295020 >>926295165 I hate this game so f------ much. >Be me >At college party >All either drunk or high >Everyone wants to play Uno >I've never played Uno >Tell them and they all just laugh >Most instruction I got was "It's f------ Uno" >They start without explaining anything >My turn >Everyone is talking and not paying attention >thefuckdoido.jpg >Throw down a random card and go to the bathroom hoping they'll just move on before I get back >Return to a room full of people laughing so hard they can't stand >People are crying and falling off of their chairs and off the sofa >"Anon what the f---?" (same guy that said it's f------ uNo) between tears from laughing so hard >Say that I should probably just not play >They beg me to keep playing but still no one tells me how to play >My turn again, not sure what to do and they're all watching me intently >Throw down a random card that just happens to be the same color as what it was supposed to be >They all cheer like I figured it out >Still no idea what I'm doing >My turn is coming up again >Act like I have an assignment due the next day and leave party early >Get home and google the rules >You just match the colors and numbers Really? That's all they had to say? >It's f------ Uno F--- me.
File: uno.jpg (7 KB, 500x500) UNO Uno Anonymous 10/21/24(Mon) 18:36:19 No.926294728 [Reply] >>926295020 >>926295165 I hate this game so f------ much. >Be me >At college party >All either drunk or high >Everyone wants to play Uno >I've never played Uno >Tell them and they all just laugh >Most instruction I got was "It's f------ Uno" >They start without explaining anything >My turn >Everyone is talking and not paying attention >thefuckdoido.jpg >Throw down a random card and go to the bathroom hoping they'll just move on before I get back >Return to a room full of people laughing so hard they can't stand >People are crying and falling off of their chairs and off the sofa >"Anon what the f---?" (same guy that said it's f------ uNo) between tears from laughing so hard >Say that I should probably just not play >They beg me to keep playing but still no one tells me how to play >My turn again, not sure what to do and they're all watching me intently >Throw down a random card that just happens to be the same color as what it was supposed to be >They all cheer like I figured it out >Still no idea what I'm doing >My turn is coming up again >Act like I have an assignment due the next day and leave party early >Get home and google the rules >You just match the colors and numbers Really? That's all they had to say? >It's f------ Uno F--- me.

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Old but gold | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 12/07/11(Wed)16:28 No.5220706 Reposting my all time favorite greentext. >playing soccer in gym >ball is up in the air >think I'm gonna be awesome and air kick it into the goal >try >miss ball >kick goalie in the face >try to ask "Are you okay?" and "I'm f------ sorry." at the same time >instead end up yelling "ARE YOU F------ SORRY!?" >goalie is choking back tears
Anonymous 12/07/11(Wed)16:28 No.5220706 Reposting my all time favorite greentext. >playing soccer in gym >ball is up in the air >think I'm gonna be awesome and air kick it into the goal >try >miss ball >kick goalie in the face >try to ask "Are you okay?" and "I'm f------ sorry." at the same time >instead end up yelling "ARE YOU F------ SORRY!?" >goalie is choking back tears

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Hiding in plain sight | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 10/10/24(Thu)17:30:11 No.204365723 gus.png 1.83 MB PNG >is often seen visiting an old cartel head in a nursing home >always surrounded by shady people >does cartel work out in the open despite being a well known public figure how didn't he get caught earlier?
Anonymous 10/10/24(Thu)17:30:11 No.204365723 gus.png 1.83 MB PNG >is often seen visiting an old cartel head in a nursing home >always surrounded by shady people >does cartel work out in the open despite being a well known public figure how didn't he get caught earlier?

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Anon doesn't believe in witchcraft | /r/Greentext

⠀ Anonymous 03/08/22(Tue)10:34:23 No.874017743 >rub magic paper on your ass >s--- just goes away Yeah f------ right. 49 KB JPG
⠀ Anonymous 03/08/22(Tue)10:34:23 No.874017743 >rub magic paper on your ass >s--- just goes away Yeah f------ right. 49 KB JPG

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Vicious Salvo | /r/Greentext

Anonymous SHE POESN'T KNOW THAT'S MY LAST $20... 81 KB JPG 07/11/24(Thu)23:40:40 No.31600215 >pregnant >never been hornier in my life >husband is scared sex would hurt me or the baby, refuses to do it >love horror movies >husband worries I won't be able to handle them and urges me to skip horror movies until the baby is born Why doesn't he have to give anything up when he's the one that did this s--- to me? I put all my s--- on hold, agreed to the shotgun wedding, all because he said he'd be responsible for getting me pregnant but it feels like I'm the one facing all the hardship Anonymous >>31600215 (OP) # 07/12/24(Fri)01:00:54 No.31600658 Have you tried telling him you want to have sex still? Sometimes men can lose physical attraction to a woman when they get pregnant, but I imagine he still loves you. If you can't be honest to someone you love, then you have no buisness having kids. >>31600686 # >>31628171 # Anonymous >>31600215 (OP) # 07/12/24(Fri)01:02:01 No.31600666 So your husband isn't giving up sex? Have you tried asking his side chick/boyfriend to give you some relief? >>31600686 #
Anonymous SHE POESN'T KNOW THAT'S MY LAST $20... 81 KB JPG 07/11/24(Thu)23:40:40 No.31600215 >pregnant >never been hornier in my life >husband is scared sex would hurt me or the baby, refuses to do it >love horror movies >husband worries I won't be able to handle them and urges me to skip horror movies until the baby is born Why doesn't he have to give anything up when he's the one that did this s--- to me? I put all my s--- on hold, agreed to the shotgun wedding, all because he said he'd be responsible for getting me pregnant but it feels like I'm the one facing all the hardship Anonymous >>31600215 (OP) # 07/12/24(Fri)01:00:54 No.31600658 Have you tried telling him you want to have sex still? Sometimes men can lose physical attraction to a woman when they get pregnant, but I imagine he still loves you. If you can't be honest to someone you love, then you have no buisness having kids. >>31600686 # >>31628171 # Anonymous >>31600215 (OP) # 07/12/24(Fri)01:02:01 No.31600666 So your husband isn't giving up sex? Have you tried asking his side chick/boyfriend to give you some relief? >>31600686 #

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Anon protests imperialism | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: UN+eMOFn 10/21/24(Mon)00:06:49 No.485455738 >Noooo don't send my kids to Indian School! >You'll teach them how to make sawmills? But our ancestors live in those trees! >and we love freezing our asses off in houses made of hides! >We don't wanna build mills to grind grain, back breaking labor is our way! >We don't need a surplus of crops! starving whenever a harvest fails is our way! >Noooo stahp teaching my children technology! You're erasing our culture!!!
Anonymous (ID: UN+eMOFn 10/21/24(Mon)00:06:49 No.485455738 >Noooo don't send my kids to Indian School! >You'll teach them how to make sawmills? But our ancestors live in those trees! >and we love freezing our asses off in houses made of hides! >We don't wanna build mills to grind grain, back breaking labor is our way! >We don't need a surplus of crops! starving whenever a harvest fails is our way! >Noooo stahp teaching my children technology! You're erasing our culture!!!

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Weaponized autism | /r/Greentext

File: 1474885625692.jpg (39 KB, 509x619) ☐ times where you have almost made it Anonymous 03/09/17(Thu)11:23:00 No.40643882 [Reply] >>40644281 >>40644891 >>40643911 >>40643931 >>40643932 >>40643942 >>40643946 >>40644094 >>40644105 >>40644114 >>40644126 >>40644145 I am considering to renovate my apartment just to distract me from being myself /fit/ >visiting female friend I have known for many years >do friend stuff, nothing fancy >plan was that I stay the night if it gets too late >oh boy I have prepared myself so long for this >clean shaven, got my best cologne out and even bought a nice new tracksuit to hang around at her place (we are long past gone the point where we pretend to not be hobo-tier while being at home ) >at night >we go to sleep and browse s--- on our phones >could clearly see her miring when I got out of the shower before bed >I have lifted so long for this very moment >decide to be bold it's now or never >"hey wanna have sex?" >ALPHA AS F--- this is my new me >she puts phone down and smirks "uhm haha what? I mean yea sure why not" >stare at her for 5 seconds >bros you can't imagine how long 5 seconds can be >autism spike >look at her and say "yea well I didn't expect that answer" >silence >she looks at me for a few seconds clearly expecting me to make a move >she eventually rolls over with her back to me and gets back on her phone >don't talk or even mention it next morning Hold me, /fit/. Please hold me and tell me everything is going to be alright
File: 1474885625692.jpg (39 KB, 509x619) ☐ times where you have almost made it Anonymous 03/09/17(Thu)11:23:00 No.40643882 [Reply] >>40644281 >>40644891 >>40643911 >>40643931 >>40643932 >>40643942 >>40643946 >>40644094 >>40644105 >>40644114 >>40644126 >>40644145 I am considering to renovate my apartment just to distract me from being myself /fit/ >visiting female friend I have known for many years >do friend stuff, nothing fancy >plan was that I stay the night if it gets too late >oh boy I have prepared myself so long for this >clean shaven, got my best cologne out and even bought a nice new tracksuit to hang around at her place (we are long past gone the point where we pretend to not be hobo-tier while being at home ) >at night >we go to sleep and browse s--- on our phones >could clearly see her miring when I got out of the shower before bed >I have lifted so long for this very moment >decide to be bold it's now or never >"hey wanna have sex?" >ALPHA AS F--- this is my new me >she puts phone down and smirks "uhm haha what? I mean yea sure why not" >stare at her for 5 seconds >bros you can't imagine how long 5 seconds can be >autism spike >look at her and say "yea well I didn't expect that answer" >silence >she looks at me for a few seconds clearly expecting me to make a move >she eventually rolls over with her back to me and gets back on her phone >don't talk or even mention it next morning Hold me, /fit/. Please hold me and tell me everything is going to be alright

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Small price to pay for some beef | /r/Greentext

Board /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 Anonymous ▼ Settings Mobile Home 10/20/24(Sun)15:43:06 No.79190683 Rimi SAVITARNOS KASOS 523 KB PNG Companies use self service checkouts to save money. Ok then. >Go to supermarket >Need beef >Medium roasting joint (0.8kg) >Loaf of bread (800g) See where I'm going with this? >Be at self service checkout >Scan the bread >Place the beef in the bag >Leave the bread behind
Board /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 Anonymous ▼ Settings Mobile Home 10/20/24(Sun)15:43:06 No.79190683 Rimi SAVITARNOS KASOS 523 KB PNG Companies use self service checkouts to save money. Ok then. >Go to supermarket >Need beef >Medium roasting joint (0.8kg) >Loaf of bread (800g) See where I'm going with this? >Be at self service checkout >Scan the bread >Place the beef in the bag >Leave the bread behind

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Anon makes paratroopers | /r/Greentext

File: N-008.png (283 KB, 523x567) HAN RED WHITE &BIL PARACH Anonymous 03/24/17(Fri)11:29:31 No.726714895 [Reply] > be me > be in 2003 > firework night > britfag celebration of the torture of a catholic > Uncle reveals he's attached mice/guinea pigs to the rockets along with makeshift parachutes > fireworks start going off > no mice survive > wholesome family tradition begins > be one year later > more mice > family compete to see who can make the best parachutes > no mice survive > be in 2008 > first successful landing > first firework day trophy is awarded to my sister > still no survivors though > baby steps > be in 2010 > first survivor touches down > big celebration > we begin breeding the mice to save money > survivor is used as stud to selectively breed an ubermaus race of rocket riders > be in 2011 > we are getting good at this > survival rate has reached ~5 per year > survivors are sent back up > clearly they are the best specimens > need to stay competetive to win the trophy and newly introduced monetary prize > be in 2015 > great year for rocket riders > 11 survive >mfw I still haven't won a trophy > pic related
File: N-008.png (283 KB, 523x567) HAN RED WHITE &BIL PARACH Anonymous 03/24/17(Fri)11:29:31 No.726714895 [Reply] > be me > be in 2003 > firework night > britfag celebration of the torture of a catholic > Uncle reveals he's attached mice/guinea pigs to the rockets along with makeshift parachutes > fireworks start going off > no mice survive > wholesome family tradition begins > be one year later > more mice > family compete to see who can make the best parachutes > no mice survive > be in 2008 > first successful landing > first firework day trophy is awarded to my sister > still no survivors though > baby steps > be in 2010 > first survivor touches down > big celebration > we begin breeding the mice to save money > survivor is used as stud to selectively breed an ubermaus race of rocket riders > be in 2011 > we are getting good at this > survival rate has reached ~5 per year > survivors are sent back up > clearly they are the best specimens > need to stay competetive to win the trophy and newly introduced monetary prize > be in 2015 > great year for rocket riders > 11 survive >mfw I still haven't won a trophy > pic related

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Power outages | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/19/22(Tue)10:01:03 No.694622 >alert on phone saying a power outage is coming soon >the chicken nuggets still have 15 minutes in the oven 375 KB JPG
Anonymous 07/19/22(Tue)10:01:03 No.694622 >alert on phone saying a power outage is coming soon >the chicken nuggets still have 15 minutes in the oven 375 KB JPG

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I think he meant a small handful of exes not more than 2 buses worth of hookups. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 158 KB JPG 02/10/23(Fri)16:24:30 No.29554341 >hitting things off well with a cute cis guy >kinda falling in love with him >I say during a conversation that guys who want virgins are delusional, dumb, and overly judgmental >he says "Yeah, I totally agree, nothing wrong with having a past or some experience" >I tell him "Thanks. I've slept with maybe... 60 or 70 people? It's not that big of a deal. All that matters is the present." >he looks uncomfortable and says "uh... yeah" >distances himself from me afterwards What.
Anonymous 158 KB JPG 02/10/23(Fri)16:24:30 No.29554341 >hitting things off well with a cute cis guy >kinda falling in love with him >I say during a conversation that guys who want virgins are delusional, dumb, and overly judgmental >he says "Yeah, I totally agree, nothing wrong with having a past or some experience" >I tell him "Thanks. I've slept with maybe... 60 or 70 people? It's not that big of a deal. All that matters is the present." >he looks uncomfortable and says "uh... yeah" >distances himself from me afterwards What.

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didn't expect it to be holesome | /r/Greentext

/toy/ Anonymous my Christmas experience 6 KB JPG 01/05/21(Tue)21:33:59 No.8677314 >be me >an 18 year old autistic kid who likes stuff animals > tell my older brother about these round seal plush toys from japan that are really cute >brother probably not paying too much attention I assumed so I forgot I told him > fast forward to December 25th >brother hands me a flat package >I think it's a shirt or something > I open it up I find a very flattened small version of the seal pillow I told him about > I am very happy and tell him how much I love it > thanks brother
/toy/ Anonymous my Christmas experience 6 KB JPG 01/05/21(Tue)21:33:59 No.8677314 >be me >an 18 year old autistic kid who likes stuff animals > tell my older brother about these round seal plush toys from japan that are really cute >brother probably not paying too much attention I assumed so I forgot I told him > fast forward to December 25th >brother hands me a flat package >I think it's a shirt or something > I open it up I find a very flattened small version of the seal pillow I told him about > I am very happy and tell him how much I love it > thanks brother

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What did she mean by this? | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 10/08/24(Tue)21:13:46 No.204304690 harryp.png 752 KB PNG >all good looking girls are taken >the only ones left are undesirable scraps >make them indian uhhhhh rowling?
Anonymous 10/08/24(Tue)21:13:46 No.204304690 harryp.png 752 KB PNG >all good looking girls are taken >the only ones left are undesirable scraps >make them indian uhhhhh rowling?

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US Military Research | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/18/24(Thu)05:17:11 No.38392817 06-10-06smile.jpg 45 KB JPG >humans have existed for 100,000 years >archeologists have discovered human skulls with perfectly preserved and intact teeth, not even a single cavity. >fast forward to modern times >suddenly humans have to brush our teeth twice a day every single day or our teeth will rot and fall out. Also, just for fun, look up caries vaccine and why we don't have one. Anonymous >>38392817 (OP) # 07/18/24(Thu)05:20:20 No.38392833 That's because of all the sugar everywhere in our diet. People from Pompeii, for instance, had perfectly good teeth even when they were like 40-- LOL.
: Anonymous 07/18/24(Thu)05:17:11 No.38392817 06-10-06smile.jpg 45 KB JPG >humans have existed for 100,000 years >archeologists have discovered human skulls with perfectly preserved and intact teeth, not even a single cavity. >fast forward to modern times >suddenly humans have to brush our teeth twice a day every single day or our teeth will rot and fall out. Also, just for fun, look up caries vaccine and why we don't have one. Anonymous >>38392817 (OP) # 07/18/24(Thu)05:20:20 No.38392833 That's because of all the sugar everywhere in our diet. People from Pompeii, for instance, had perfectly good teeth even when they were like 40-- LOL.

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Weeb talk and banter | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/19/24(Sat)00:01:54 No.87728786 Pipkin Pinna Low exort Clips maxresdefault.jpg 68 KB JPG >pink >obvious grifter >retarded >stirs up drama >makes the worst music imaginable >be mori calliope >pic unrelated
: Anonymous 10/19/24(Sat)00:01:54 No.87728786 Pipkin Pinna Low exort Clips maxresdefault.jpg 68 KB JPG >pink >obvious grifter >retarded >stirs up drama >makes the worst music imaginable >be mori calliope >pic unrelated

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Survival of the retardest | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: XS0ICUaz) [⭑ CLOVER LEAF THON PALE EN MORCEAUX LISTAO dans L'EAU& www CLOVER LEAF 10/07/24(Mon) 15:48:04 No.484065410 CHUNK LIGHT TUNA SKIPIACK in WATER CLOVER THON PALE EN MORCEAUX CLOVER THON PALEEN MORCEAUX BRUS SARD SPRING WALER EAU DE SOURC SARDINES CARDINES BR NICK BARE NES NICK SARDINES SPRING WA EAU DE SO SPRING WATER EAU DE SOURCE SPRING WATER EAU DE SORCE SPRING WATE EAU DE SOup FEMALE EJACUL UNLEASH THE ULTIMATE FINE SILVER ARGENT PUR 900790168 Expandable el EMA EDERAL GAME 1294CB B SOMRAJ POKRA DR. JEFFRE TALL 036B808D-2216-4273-AF7E-B69DE37FADBC.jpg 761 KB JPG >buy decent food processor >buy vacuum sealer >buy large dehydrator >100lbs of rice >cook rice then dehydrate it >100lbs of black bean >cook beans then dehydrate >100lbs of lean ground beef >cook beef then dehydrate and grind into fine powder with food processor Vacuum seal everything separately in appropriate portion sizes for you and make sure to use oxygen absorbers. You have just created 230 days of survival food for one person that only requires water to rehydrate and eat. Season as you see fit. You're welcome.
Anonymous (ID: XS0ICUaz) [⭑ CLOVER LEAF THON PALE EN MORCEAUX LISTAO dans L'EAU& www CLOVER LEAF 10/07/24(Mon) 15:48:04 No.484065410 CHUNK LIGHT TUNA SKIPIACK in WATER CLOVER THON PALE EN MORCEAUX CLOVER THON PALEEN MORCEAUX BRUS SARD SPRING WALER EAU DE SOURC SARDINES CARDINES BR NICK BARE NES NICK SARDINES SPRING WA EAU DE SO SPRING WATER EAU DE SOURCE SPRING WATER EAU DE SORCE SPRING WATE EAU DE SOup FEMALE EJACUL UNLEASH THE ULTIMATE FINE SILVER ARGENT PUR 900790168 Expandable el EMA EDERAL GAME 1294CB B SOMRAJ POKRA DR. JEFFRE TALL 036B808D-2216-4273-AF7E-B69DE37FADBC.jpg 761 KB JPG >buy decent food processor >buy vacuum sealer >buy large dehydrator >100lbs of rice >cook rice then dehydrate it >100lbs of black bean >cook beans then dehydrate >100lbs of lean ground beef >cook beef then dehydrate and grind into fine powder with food processor Vacuum seal everything separately in appropriate portion sizes for you and make sure to use oxygen absorbers. You have just created 230 days of survival food for one person that only requires water to rehydrate and eat. Season as you see fit. You're welcome.

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Imagine actually watching Bleach | /r/Greentext

Anonymous The school parts of Bleach are(...) 33 KB JPG 04/02/22(Sat)20:28:53 No.236144851 >watch Bleach >skip past all of the action / story stuff >exclusively watch the slice-of-life school parts with Ichigo and his friends >don't bother with any of the supernatural ghost hunting business
Anonymous The school parts of Bleach are(...) 33 KB JPG 04/02/22(Sat)20:28:53 No.236144851 >watch Bleach >skip past all of the action / story stuff >exclusively watch the slice-of-life school parts with Ichigo and his friends >don't bother with any of the supernatural ghost hunting business

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A 4chinner's pipe dream | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/07/24(Mon)05:10:06 No.691106620 >play romance game 1728263026609854.jpg 221 KB JPG >realized you will never experience that because you don't even like people enough to form meaningful relationships Why does it only makes me emptier?
: Anonymous 10/07/24(Mon)05:10:06 No.691106620 >play romance game 1728263026609854.jpg 221 KB JPG >realized you will never experience that because you don't even like people enough to form meaningful relationships Why does it only makes me emptier?

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Anon buys a brand new TV and faces the consequences of living in the United States | /r/Greentext

Dode :Rest at bonfire Flask >just get a tv bro 1729090426677034.jpg 87 KB JPG Anonymous BATTING IN 26 HOURS SHOHEI OHTANI 10/16/24(Wed)19:53:21 No.102846945 >>102846929 (OP) # uh why is there a baseball player in the corner? >>102846953 # >>102852969 # >>102853515 # >>102855119 # Anonymous10/16/24(Wed)19:54:10 No.102846953 >>102846945 # New Dark Souls boss. 02846949
Dode :Rest at bonfire Flask >just get a tv bro 1729090426677034.jpg 87 KB JPG Anonymous BATTING IN 26 HOURS SHOHEI OHTANI 10/16/24(Wed)19:53:21 No.102846945 >>102846929 (OP) # uh why is there a baseball player in the corner? >>102846953 # >>102852969 # >>102853515 # >>102855119 # Anonymous10/16/24(Wed)19:54:10 No.102846953 >>102846945 # New Dark Souls boss. 02846949

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Anon goes for judo lessons | /r/Greentext

File: Nagatoroo.png (261 KB, 379x544) ☐ Judo Anonymous 10/19/24(Sat) 15:51:00 No.79175000 >>79175019 >be me at 15 years old >i've just started practicing judo, obviously i'm a white belt >i can't train properly so my sensei calls a girl and tells me to train with her because she's more experienced >anon, now we are going to train ne waza so follow me", that's what she said >ne waza are judo techniques performed on the ground >my mind is racing, I've never trained and touched a girl so close, especially one a bit older than me. >have no idea what ne waza was at that time, so I can't fight properly >there comes a moment when we're fighting and she's underneath me >I try to grab her collar but accidentally end up groping her boobs... >it was the first time I'd ever touched a girl's breasts >I was paralyzed and stayed in the same position for a while... >she got angry and turned me around and started to do an arm lock (the name of the technique was juji gatami if I'm not mistaken) on me >she said "if you have time to do what you did that's what you'll get" i never touched a girl's boobs ever again, i was traumatized but it feels good, do all women do that when you accidentally touch their breasts?
File: Nagatoroo.png (261 KB, 379x544) ☐ Judo Anonymous 10/19/24(Sat) 15:51:00 No.79175000 >>79175019 >be me at 15 years old >i've just started practicing judo, obviously i'm a white belt >i can't train properly so my sensei calls a girl and tells me to train with her because she's more experienced >anon, now we are going to train ne waza so follow me", that's what she said >ne waza are judo techniques performed on the ground >my mind is racing, I've never trained and touched a girl so close, especially one a bit older than me. >have no idea what ne waza was at that time, so I can't fight properly >there comes a moment when we're fighting and she's underneath me >I try to grab her collar but accidentally end up groping her boobs... >it was the first time I'd ever touched a girl's breasts >I was paralyzed and stayed in the same position for a while... >she got angry and turned me around and started to do an arm lock (the name of the technique was juji gatami if I'm not mistaken) on me >she said "if you have time to do what you did that's what you'll get" i never touched a girl's boobs ever again, i was traumatized but it feels good, do all women do that when you accidentally touch their breasts?

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