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Anon parties like it’s 2019 | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/01/19(Tue)11:37:06 No.788805552 >be me >be gay >came out to parents about 4 years ago >dad hasn't spoken to me since >anyway >at New Years party at my parents 41 KB JPG house >whole family is there and having fun >feelsgoodtobeincluded.wav >everybody has been drinking >because New Years >anyway, the clock hits 00:00 , whooooo! New Years! >my dad walks up to me and says >"well, it's 2019 anon" >l'm stunned, I think he's finally come to terms with me being gay I say >"sure is dad" >then he says >"and you're still a f------ f-----"
: Anonymous 01/01/19(Tue)11:37:06 No.788805552 >be me >be gay >came out to parents about 4 years ago >dad hasn't spoken to me since >anyway >at New Years party at my parents 41 KB JPG house >whole family is there and having fun >feelsgoodtobeincluded.wav >everybody has been drinking >because New Years >anyway, the clock hits 00:00 , whooooo! New Years! >my dad walks up to me and says >"well, it's 2019 anon" >l'm stunned, I think he's finally come to terms with me being gay I say >"sure is dad" >then he says >"and you're still a f------ f-----"

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Anon is Joe | /r/Greentext

File: images (2) jpg (7 KB, 182x277) Anonymous 04/05/18(Thu)16:36:07 No.765016942 [Reply] >765017531 >went to get my wisdom teeth removed >operation goes pretty okay >doctor says I have to leave in a wheelechair >superdopeduponpainkillers.png >slam into chair, like it's WWE s--- >unleashthepeter.gif >"HEY PETER WHEEL MY ASs OVER TO THE CAR." >mormon mum hears, and begins shreiking >start blabbering on while doing autistic impression of Joe Swanson >"CUT THE CRAP PETER OR I'LL HAVE YOU F------ INCARCERATED." >mum is crying >2-3 hours later, come out of it, laying down on couch >mum is p----- off >asks if I've been watching Family Guy >holyshit.png >say no, say I heard it from a mate >2 weeks later, mum transfers me into a Mormon private school >killedtwobirdsinonestone.exe >class is hella easy, get into high quality university because of good grades >start praising Joe Swanson instead of Joseph Smith >Joe Swanson is the true god.
File: images (2) jpg (7 KB, 182x277) Anonymous 04/05/18(Thu)16:36:07 No.765016942 [Reply] >765017531 >went to get my wisdom teeth removed >operation goes pretty okay >doctor says I have to leave in a wheelechair >superdopeduponpainkillers.png >slam into chair, like it's WWE s--- >unleashthepeter.gif >"HEY PETER WHEEL MY ASs OVER TO THE CAR." >mormon mum hears, and begins shreiking >start blabbering on while doing autistic impression of Joe Swanson >"CUT THE CRAP PETER OR I'LL HAVE YOU F------ INCARCERATED." >mum is crying >2-3 hours later, come out of it, laying down on couch >mum is p----- off >asks if I've been watching Family Guy >holyshit.png >say no, say I heard it from a mate >2 weeks later, mum transfers me into a Mormon private school >killedtwobirdsinonestone.exe >class is hella easy, get into high quality university because of good grades >start praising Joe Swanson instead of Joseph Smith >Joe Swanson is the true god.

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Anon can't read | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/18/21(Thu)03:22:08 No.62385984 >>62385566 (OP)# >shopping in a clothing store with mummy when I was about 8 or 9 >try on a shirt I like and look at it in a mirror 31 KB JPG >the text on the shirt is backwards in the mirror >l become instantly confused and enraged that the cool shirt I was wearing just had all the text on it reversed. >Mummy has to take me out of the store because I wouldn't stop bitching about the shirt being faulty. >Mummy finally realizes that her son is retarded. >>62386180 #
: Anonymous 02/18/21(Thu)03:22:08 No.62385984 >>62385566 (OP)# >shopping in a clothing store with mummy when I was about 8 or 9 >try on a shirt I like and look at it in a mirror 31 KB JPG >the text on the shirt is backwards in the mirror >l become instantly confused and enraged that the cool shirt I was wearing just had all the text on it reversed. >Mummy has to take me out of the store because I wouldn't stop bitching about the shirt being faulty. >Mummy finally realizes that her son is retarded. >>62386180 #

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Anon isn't a furry | /r/Greentext

No.62392013 25 minutes ago 1612428318990.png PNG 309.4 KiB 540x458 >in college classes >its via zoom but whatever at least im learning something >professor does some icebreaker activity, say our names and answer the icebreaker question >"what's your favorite animal?" >6 people with furry pfps immediately pop up >one of them turns on his camera im losin it >"alexander foxington" >he's wearing fox ears >all 6 of them begin talking over each other about their favorite animal >they get mad at each other and start insulting one another >professor mutes all participants with the most exasperated look on his face someone please tell me this is a viable reason to drop out. i dont want to spend another minute with these freaks
No.62392013 25 minutes ago 1612428318990.png PNG 309.4 KiB 540x458 >in college classes >its via zoom but whatever at least im learning something >professor does some icebreaker activity, say our names and answer the icebreaker question >"what's your favorite animal?" >6 people with furry pfps immediately pop up >one of them turns on his camera im losin it >"alexander foxington" >he's wearing fox ears >all 6 of them begin talking over each other about their favorite animal >they get mad at each other and start insulting one another >professor mutes all participants with the most exasperated look on his face someone please tell me this is a viable reason to drop out. i dont want to spend another minute with these freaks

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Anon has done it | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/31/18(Thu)14:10:35 No.45794990 >be me >somebody makes fun of me >girl laughs at me >this means she was thinking of me >in other terms my image was in her brain for a short while 6 KB JPG >l've basically been inside her See you later, virgins 2 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 05/31/18(Thu)14:10:35 No.45794990 >be me >somebody makes fun of me >girl laughs at me >this means she was thinking of me >in other terms my image was in her brain for a short while 6 KB JPG >l've basically been inside her See you later, virgins 2 Replies View Thread

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Anon passes medical exam | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous The doctor discovers abscesses 07/23/18(Mon)23:32:51 No.6947029 > be me > mentor recently died, I therefore inherited his status as doctor > 7th century idk > walk past the farms on my way to the castle 149 KB PNG > see a family of peasants waiting for me > male is sick, has a big fleshy orb on his back > *notices buldge* ō>õ what's this? > "please cure my husband, he's become il" > no clue w-- he has > sure.carvedstone > poke with doctors stick > buldge bursts > whitish cream bursts everywhere > looks like spider blood > smells like spider blood > tastes like spider blood > declare farmer possessed by spider > burned alive at the stake > king pays me godly for preventing spider disease from spreading > feelsgoodman
: Anonymous The doctor discovers abscesses 07/23/18(Mon)23:32:51 No.6947029 > be me > mentor recently died, I therefore inherited his status as doctor > 7th century idk > walk past the farms on my way to the castle 149 KB PNG > see a family of peasants waiting for me > male is sick, has a big fleshy orb on his back > *notices buldge* ō>õ what's this? > "please cure my husband, he's become il" > no clue w-- he has > sure.carvedstone > poke with doctors stick > buldge bursts > whitish cream bursts everywhere > looks like spider blood > smells like spider blood > tastes like spider blood > declare farmer possessed by spider > burned alive at the stake > king pays me godly for preventing spider disease from spreading > feelsgoodman

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Anon is smart | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: BAVUTG+) 06/01/14(Sun)23:11:58 No.549162040 - 2549162163 >be 12 >want to order pay per view p--- >use dads credit card >record it on vhs so id have it forever >wait for bill to come in mail >get on microsoft paint and remove the p--- >put in titanic >put bill back in the mail >dad yells at me for renting titanic without permission, but nothing worse if you wanna pull a big heist, you gotta take a small hit
Anonymous (ID: BAVUTG+) 06/01/14(Sun)23:11:58 No.549162040 - 2549162163 >be 12 >want to order pay per view p--- >use dads credit card >record it on vhs so id have it forever >wait for bill to come in mail >get on microsoft paint and remove the p--- >put in titanic >put bill back in the mail >dad yells at me for renting titanic without permission, but nothing worse if you wanna pull a big heist, you gotta take a small hit

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anon has crabs | /r/Greentext

>have pubic lice (crabs) OD >no shampoo works >decide to get some fire ants and place on pubes to fight the crabs >they scrap for a bit >they both have established strongholds on the opposite ends 2 KB JPG of my jungle >to the north lie the wiley crabs of pubendorf >to the south lie the barbaric fire ants of fort scrotum >one morning notice a fire ant on horseback riding towards the crabs stronghold >look closer >its a f------ threaty of alliance F--- f--- their joining sides!!! There is a rumble in my jungle and i dont what to do about it
>have pubic lice (crabs) OD >no shampoo works >decide to get some fire ants and place on pubes to fight the crabs >they scrap for a bit >they both have established strongholds on the opposite ends 2 KB JPG of my jungle >to the north lie the wiley crabs of pubendorf >to the south lie the barbaric fire ants of fort scrotum >one morning notice a fire ant on horseback riding towards the crabs stronghold >look closer >its a f------ threaty of alliance F--- f--- their joining sides!!! There is a rumble in my jungle and i dont what to do about it

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/fit/izen has imaginations | /r/Greentext

5 Re · 1 Img · JPG 384KB · (1920 × 1080) 5 Replies >go to gym and work out >imagine coming home to my loving girlfriend >imagine sitting down eating a meal with her >finish my workout >come home >heat up my already prepared tupperware meal >eat alone
5 Re · 1 Img · JPG 384KB · (1920 × 1080) 5 Replies >go to gym and work out >imagine coming home to my loving girlfriend >imagine sitting down eating a meal with her >finish my workout >come home >heat up my already prepared tupperware meal >eat alone

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Anon gets rid of ghosts | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/18/15(Sat)18:05:54 No.628796655 >Late last night >Have a fish tank with a light on >Kept seeing shadows in my peripheral vision >Heard sounds like deep breathing >Closet door is open even though I always shut it before I get into bed 6 KB JPG >"I'm not afraid of you f------" >Something replies >"We're not afraid of you either" >NOPE >Home alone in the middle of nowhere >Would be dangerous outside so I have to stay inside >Can't move-frozen with fear >Remember what /x/ says when you're in this situation >Tore off clothes >Masturbated >Haven't been bothered since then.
: Anonymous 07/18/15(Sat)18:05:54 No.628796655 >Late last night >Have a fish tank with a light on >Kept seeing shadows in my peripheral vision >Heard sounds like deep breathing >Closet door is open even though I always shut it before I get into bed 6 KB JPG >"I'm not afraid of you f------" >Something replies >"We're not afraid of you either" >NOPE >Home alone in the middle of nowhere >Would be dangerous outside so I have to stay inside >Can't move-frozen with fear >Remember what /x/ says when you're in this situation >Tore off clothes >Masturbated >Haven't been bothered since then.

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Anon Made a Huge Mistake | /r/Greentext

1611754489937.gif 84 KB GIF What makes a p-------- do what a p-------- does? Is there any rehabilitation? Why does it run so rampant around the world? >be me 22 Washington state had a good friend used to hang out with he was a bartender and I drank a lot. >he also worked at the local "jack shack" get some quarters and go bust a nut in a room in the back, alone, not together, f------. >come to find out he was into crystal meth, he tried to get me to do some, but I liked my alcohol. >friend was dating woman with a young girl who we all knew in our group, she used to call me uncle it was really sweet. > one night friend was sick and needed to go to the hospital, but refused to go, he was literally dying from meth induced sickness. His girlfriend and I talked to him for hours trying to convince to go to the hospital finally convincing him to. >shortly after I move to Louisiana I come back a year later to find out through a friend dude r---- the s--- out of that little girl and I mean R---- THE S--- OUT OF HER. >mfw I could have just let a p-------- die.
1611754489937.gif 84 KB GIF What makes a p-------- do what a p-------- does? Is there any rehabilitation? Why does it run so rampant around the world? >be me 22 Washington state had a good friend used to hang out with he was a bartender and I drank a lot. >he also worked at the local "jack shack" get some quarters and go bust a nut in a room in the back, alone, not together, f------. >come to find out he was into crystal meth, he tried to get me to do some, but I liked my alcohol. >friend was dating woman with a young girl who we all knew in our group, she used to call me uncle it was really sweet. > one night friend was sick and needed to go to the hospital, but refused to go, he was literally dying from meth induced sickness. His girlfriend and I talked to him for hours trying to convince to go to the hospital finally convincing him to. >shortly after I move to Louisiana I come back a year later to find out through a friend dude r---- the s--- out of that little girl and I mean R---- THE S--- OUT OF HER. >mfw I could have just let a p-------- die.

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Anon is quiet | /r/Greentext

No.62388647 2 hours ago 1569635967813.jpg JPG 78.2 KiB 918x597 >>62388540 (OP) >Always the quiet kid in school >Nearly mute outside school projects >People still liked me, I always ended up doing most to the research and writing work while they mainly made the presentation >l was okay with it >Comes end of school >Have a small thesis to defend, I choose arms production in WW2 >Gave the presentation somewhat decently, it was my favourite topic and most of it consisted of contained mini ramblings >Got a A+ >At the end of the presentation the teacher says "It was the first time l've ever heard you speak" >tfw I had the same history teacher for 3 years >tfw in 3 years, I never spoke one word to her or in any projects she gave me >tfw I just nodded with my head and went to sit down 1 reply
No.62388647 2 hours ago 1569635967813.jpg JPG 78.2 KiB 918x597 >>62388540 (OP) >Always the quiet kid in school >Nearly mute outside school projects >People still liked me, I always ended up doing most to the research and writing work while they mainly made the presentation >l was okay with it >Comes end of school >Have a small thesis to defend, I choose arms production in WW2 >Gave the presentation somewhat decently, it was my favourite topic and most of it consisted of contained mini ramblings >Got a A+ >At the end of the presentation the teacher says "It was the first time l've ever heard you speak" >tfw I had the same history teacher for 3 years >tfw in 3 years, I never spoke one word to her or in any projects she gave me >tfw I just nodded with my head and went to sit down 1 reply

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Anon secretly a manlet | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Help AnOns 06/24/19(Mon)14:33:56 No.53056693 >be me >chad face manlet >meet a girl on vidya >she really likes me >we start edating >find out we live close 44 KB JPG >she asks how tall I am I say 5'8 >she is 5'6 I'm actually 5'5 and she is coming over today what the f--- do I do HELP ANONS : Anonymous 06/24/19(Mon)14:34:58 No.53056699 Ok listen to me. You have dyslexia and misread your height on the ruler >>53056712 # >>53057080 #
: Anonymous Help AnOns 06/24/19(Mon)14:33:56 No.53056693 >be me >chad face manlet >meet a girl on vidya >she really likes me >we start edating >find out we live close 44 KB JPG >she asks how tall I am I say 5'8 >she is 5'6 I'm actually 5'5 and she is coming over today what the f--- do I do HELP ANONS : Anonymous 06/24/19(Mon)14:34:58 No.53056699 Ok listen to me. You have dyslexia and misread your height on the ruler >>53056712 # >>53057080 #

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Anon is autistic | /r/Greentext

So l've been into this girl for awhile now and yesterday I told her how I felt and she turned me down so I called her a stupid w---- and told her I was going to kill myself and it was going to be all her fault as a joke. She called my mom and now she's trying to force me to go to therapy. What do I do and how can I convince all of them that it was just a joke and I'm not crazy? 56m (2/18 21:13) · 847692428 GIF · 185KB · (220 × 220) 1 Reply Stop it. >>847692279 (OP) >as a joke >as a joke >as a joke what a retarded f----- you are. you probably need therapy
So l've been into this girl for awhile now and yesterday I told her how I felt and she turned me down so I called her a stupid w---- and told her I was going to kill myself and it was going to be all her fault as a joke. She called my mom and now she's trying to force me to go to therapy. What do I do and how can I convince all of them that it was just a joke and I'm not crazy? 56m (2/18 21:13) · 847692428 GIF · 185KB · (220 × 220) 1 Reply Stop it. >>847692279 (OP) >as a joke >as a joke >as a joke what a retarded f----- you are. you probably need therapy

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Anon had OCD | /r/Greentext

1610657972591.jpg 203 KB JPG OCD is literally turning my brain into mush. I had to spend an hour rereading the definition of trapazoid because I doubted that I knew it : Anonymous 01/17/21(Sun)18:14:54 No.61908399 >>61908386 (OP) # Are you sure you got it right, though?
1610657972591.jpg 203 KB JPG OCD is literally turning my brain into mush. I had to spend an hour rereading the definition of trapazoid because I doubted that I knew it : Anonymous 01/17/21(Sun)18:14:54 No.61908399 >>61908386 (OP) # Are you sure you got it right, though?

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Anon doesn't have sex | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Why is the human penis so big? 02/15/21(Mon)22:12:30 No.12709703 Why do humans have such massive penises compared to other great apes? Our penises are way bigger in both absolute terms and relative to body mass. What evolutionary pressure lead to this development? 220 KB PNG 103 Replies / 4 Images View Thread : Anonymous 02/18/21(Thu)09:48:43 No.12719681 >>12710051 # Please shut the f--- up, you retarded troglodyte. Have sex and come back.
: Anonymous Why is the human penis so big? 02/15/21(Mon)22:12:30 No.12709703 Why do humans have such massive penises compared to other great apes? Our penises are way bigger in both absolute terms and relative to body mass. What evolutionary pressure lead to this development? 220 KB PNG 103 Replies / 4 Images View Thread : Anonymous 02/18/21(Thu)09:48:43 No.12719681 >>12710051 # Please shut the f--- up, you retarded troglodyte. Have sex and come back.

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Anon learns a valuable lesson. | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 10/12/10(Tue)12:31 No.75545XXX File1286901093.jpg-(48 KB, 678x444, 1233814009623.jpg) >Pretend I'm a girl just to get items >Meet a great girl in the process that convinces me to join her guild >Become best friends >She turns out to be a lesbian >Keep pretending even if it feels wrong >7months of online dating and cybering >She tells me we have to talk >Think she wants to meet IRL and get ready to tell her the horrble truth >She tells me she's really a guy pretending he's a lesbian >My f------ face when we've been two guys cybering lesbian sex for 7 months
O Anonymous 10/12/10(Tue)12:31 No.75545XXX File1286901093.jpg-(48 KB, 678x444, 1233814009623.jpg) >Pretend I'm a girl just to get items >Meet a great girl in the process that convinces me to join her guild >Become best friends >She turns out to be a lesbian >Keep pretending even if it feels wrong >7months of online dating and cybering >She tells me we have to talk >Think she wants to meet IRL and get ready to tell her the horrble truth >She tells me she's really a guy pretending he's a lesbian >My f------ face when we've been two guys cybering lesbian sex for 7 months

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Anon's real imaginary gf dies | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/15/21(Mon)19:24:10 No.62346717 >girl I've been stalking for the past 3 years just died in a car accident she was so cute 240 KB PNG 5 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 02/15/21(Mon)19:24:10 No.62346717 >girl I've been stalking for the past 3 years just died in a car accident she was so cute 240 KB PNG 5 Replies View Thread

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Anon gets bullied | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/18/21 (Thu)13:24:34 No.847683902 >be me, 15 >fat as f--- >only stay inside and play world of warcraft all day >bullied by everyone >world of warcraft gets boring >stop playing and start caring sad apu 51 KB PNG about the real world >late puberty >lose a bunch of weight and start looking somewhat attractive >be 18 looking way better than all of my bullies >girls are actually interested now >never learned social skills >choose the most toxic girls to be with just because they offered sex quickly >get heartbroken 3 times >be 21 >develop depression and a fear of talking to girls >start drinking >all the bullies have functional relationships >bullies won
: Anonymous 02/18/21 (Thu)13:24:34 No.847683902 >be me, 15 >fat as f--- >only stay inside and play world of warcraft all day >bullied by everyone >world of warcraft gets boring >stop playing and start caring sad apu 51 KB PNG about the real world >late puberty >lose a bunch of weight and start looking somewhat attractive >be 18 looking way better than all of my bullies >girls are actually interested now >never learned social skills >choose the most toxic girls to be with just because they offered sex quickly >get heartbroken 3 times >be 21 >develop depression and a fear of talking to girls >start drinking >all the bullies have functional relationships >bullies won

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anon was lonely | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/18/21(Thu)19:37:18 No.847688136 File: 1600154132403.jpg (54 KB, 793x786) I will start >be me >be 16 >be good at soccer >play a final match for school, inter school >everyone has parents coming, big bro/sis, small bro/sis >no one is coming from my family >play good and score a goal >game is over, we win 3-1 anons >everybody is hugging their parents, sis/bro and with coach etc >am looking around, no one is asking for me >take my cleats in my hand and leave the ground >listening to eminem, beautiful.mp3 >miss the team photo and medals >come back home >sleep mfw
Anonymous 02/18/21(Thu)19:37:18 No.847688136 File: 1600154132403.jpg (54 KB, 793x786) I will start >be me >be 16 >be good at soccer >play a final match for school, inter school >everyone has parents coming, big bro/sis, small bro/sis >no one is coming from my family >play good and score a goal >game is over, we win 3-1 anons >everybody is hugging their parents, sis/bro and with coach etc >am looking around, no one is asking for me >take my cleats in my hand and leave the ground >listening to eminem, beautiful.mp3 >miss the team photo and medals >come back home >sleep mfw

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