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Anon and his typo-ridden greentext | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Spooky stories 01/27/21(Wed)19:25:56 No.62053745 Friend told me this story that aoparently happened to his uncle.or whatever >Go to bed >Wake up in the middle of the night because of strange noises in his bedroom >Turn bedside lamp on 42 KB JPG >There's a woman with no facial features other then her mouth standing in his room >She's wielding a big ass knife >He's so scared he can't even scream >She gets on his bed and sits on top of him >Sticks the knife bedside table >Turns the light off and proceeds to f--- the s--- out of him >He wakes up in the morning thinking it was all a dream >There's still the knife's hole in the bedside table He was a bit of a stoner and a drinker, but never did anything other than weed and booze. He quit drinking shortly after that.
: Anonymous Spooky stories 01/27/21(Wed)19:25:56 No.62053745 Friend told me this story that aoparently happened to his uncle.or whatever >Go to bed >Wake up in the middle of the night because of strange noises in his bedroom >Turn bedside lamp on 42 KB JPG >There's a woman with no facial features other then her mouth standing in his room >She's wielding a big ass knife >He's so scared he can't even scream >She gets on his bed and sits on top of him >Sticks the knife bedside table >Turns the light off and proceeds to f--- the s--- out of him >He wakes up in the morning thinking it was all a dream >There's still the knife's hole in the bedside table He was a bit of a stoner and a drinker, but never did anything other than weed and booze. He quit drinking shortly after that.

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Anon buys vegetables | /r/Greentext

8h (2/24 3:13) 15644003 20 Re 8 Img PNG 875KB (720 x 723) 6 Replies >try to buy some veggies >get randomly selected to battle supermarket lobster >all the workers and customers stop dead in their heels to watch us duke it out >all the black people take their phones out and start screeching >all the girls give me a doubtful stare and giggle amongst themselves while staring at me so f------ embarrassing, and people wonder why I order my groceries online. ...
8h (2/24 3:13) 15644003 20 Re 8 Img PNG 875KB (720 x 723) 6 Replies >try to buy some veggies >get randomly selected to battle supermarket lobster >all the workers and customers stop dead in their heels to watch us duke it out >all the black people take their phones out and start screeching >all the girls give me a doubtful stare and giggle amongst themselves while staring at me so f------ embarrassing, and people wonder why I order my groceries online. ...

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Anon's friend is a flusher | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous "that guy" stories 02/22/21(Mon)07:10:45 No.62444259 This was a decade ago but it still haunts me >be me, 19, uni student >visit friend in his new apartment >he's also 19, just moved out his parents' place >play vidya with him 14 KB JPG >have to take a s---, use his bathroom >can't find tp >m----------- used it up and didn't replace the roll >f------ children living on their own for the first time >luckily got some tissues with me, use those >get back to vidya >"yo mate, you ran out of tp" >"nah I don't need any" >"what do you mean you don't need any?" >"I just flush without looking." >awkward pause >... >... >WHAT?! >m----------- thought tp was just there to cover your s--- so you don't have to look at it while you flush >says he never looks back at his s---, that's weird >says he saves money >my f------ face when
: Anonymous "that guy" stories 02/22/21(Mon)07:10:45 No.62444259 This was a decade ago but it still haunts me >be me, 19, uni student >visit friend in his new apartment >he's also 19, just moved out his parents' place >play vidya with him 14 KB JPG >have to take a s---, use his bathroom >can't find tp >m----------- used it up and didn't replace the roll >f------ children living on their own for the first time >luckily got some tissues with me, use those >get back to vidya >"yo mate, you ran out of tp" >"nah I don't need any" >"what do you mean you don't need any?" >"I just flush without looking." >awkward pause >... >... >WHAT?! >m----------- thought tp was just there to cover your s--- so you don't have to look at it while you flush >says he never looks back at his s---, that's weird >says he saves money >my f------ face when

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Anon goes to public bathroom | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/19/19(Thu)10:31:39 No.54480871 >be in public bathroom >it's empty >l can finally take a dump >go to one of the stalls and start cranking a fat s--- out of my ass >turd is 90% out of my a------ 125 KB JPG before the bathroom door bursts open >I hear punching and grunting >I look under my stall and see 2 pairs of feet >they are beating the s--- out of each other >suddenly hear a mirror shatter and hear one of the guys fall to the ground >bathroom is silent except for heavy breathing >feel my turd disconnecting from the mainland >f--- no f--- no f--- no >turd plops into water >echos >heavy breathing stops
: Anonymous 09/19/19(Thu)10:31:39 No.54480871 >be in public bathroom >it's empty >l can finally take a dump >go to one of the stalls and start cranking a fat s--- out of my ass >turd is 90% out of my a------ 125 KB JPG before the bathroom door bursts open >I hear punching and grunting >I look under my stall and see 2 pairs of feet >they are beating the s--- out of each other >suddenly hear a mirror shatter and hear one of the guys fall to the ground >bathroom is silent except for heavy breathing >feel my turd disconnecting from the mainland >f--- no f--- no f--- no >turd plops into water >echos >heavy breathing stops

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Anon is being cucked | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/24/21(Wed)16:52:12 No.62473440 >girl I love is concerned with me falling in love with someone else >gets upset >meanwhile sexting other guys this is so conflicting, she doesn't reciprocate my love but at the same time she doesnt want me to 92 KB JPG get romantically involved with other girls. I dont understand, I'm losing my mind.
: Anonymous 02/24/21(Wed)16:52:12 No.62473440 >girl I love is concerned with me falling in love with someone else >gets upset >meanwhile sexting other guys this is so conflicting, she doesn't reciprocate my love but at the same time she doesnt want me to 92 KB JPG get romantically involved with other girls. I dont understand, I'm losing my mind.

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Anon and his friends troll their teacher | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)16:19:30 No.848016212 >be me >group of friends who troll online for fun >uber liberal teacher >been wearing Hillary stuff since first day of school >we all get maga hats >hand them out all over school day after the election >she comes into her class >almost everyone is wearing maga hats >she faints >assistant principal comes in >takes all the hats away >teacher's pet tried to blame it on me and my friends >nobody could prove it Best $100 I ever spent Can't believe that was 4 years ago already
: Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)16:19:30 No.848016212 >be me >group of friends who troll online for fun >uber liberal teacher >been wearing Hillary stuff since first day of school >we all get maga hats >hand them out all over school day after the election >she comes into her class >almost everyone is wearing maga hats >she faints >assistant principal comes in >takes all the hats away >teacher's pet tried to blame it on me and my friends >nobody could prove it Best $100 I ever spent Can't believe that was 4 years ago already

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Anon is dreaming | /r/Greentext

1h (2/23 19:07) · 27742938 10 Re · 1 Img · PNG · 13KB · (657 × 527) 8 Replies Did I f--- up? >dreaming >encounter glowing old man with beard >he looks important >>Anon E. Muse, tell me why you seek the paranormal and desire magic powers >being to panic >ask myself why I even bother browsing /x/ at all if I don't know something so fundamental >the man is waiting, glowing ever brighter >finally come to the only conclusion I can think of >>I seek the paranormal so that I can brag about it on an anonymous imageboard. I seek not to use any magic powers for either good or evil, I only seek to use it for my own childish goals. >he laughs >l wake up
1h (2/23 19:07) · 27742938 10 Re · 1 Img · PNG · 13KB · (657 × 527) 8 Replies Did I f--- up? >dreaming >encounter glowing old man with beard >he looks important >>Anon E. Muse, tell me why you seek the paranormal and desire magic powers >being to panic >ask myself why I even bother browsing /x/ at all if I don't know something so fundamental >the man is waiting, glowing ever brighter >finally come to the only conclusion I can think of >>I seek the paranormal so that I can brag about it on an anonymous imageboard. I seek not to use any magic powers for either good or evil, I only seek to use it for my own childish goals. >he laughs >l wake up

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Anon is the world's greatest hacker | /r/Greentext

File: 7IXz6ej.png (648 KB, 610x915) Anonymous (ID: us 11XD6Q) 06/06/14(Fri)17:30:27 No.549923098 >be me >world's greatest hacker >#1 on FBI's most wanted list >but they can't track me down because i always delete my browser history >just got done hacking entire internet >now every user in the world gets redirected to blackpeoplemeet.com >epic lulz >one of my hackerbros messages me on AIM >tells me that 420_1337_h4x0r_420, my #1 hackerbro, has been arrested >they were able to backtrace his IP because he forgot to browse on incognito mode >word on the street is he's already ratted me out >look out window >FBI helicopters circling overhead >hah! those bastards don't know who they're dealing with >open up internet explorer >get redirected to blackpeoplemeet.com >oh yeah, forgot about that >run disableblackpeoplemeet.exe >now it's time for some world class hacking >go to fbi.gov/hack >f---, there's a password >something appears on the bottom right corner of my screen >it's that goddamn talking paperclip >"it looks like you're trying to hack the FBI. would you like help?" >f--- off clippy, i'm trying to work here >"it looks like you're trying to hack the FBI. would you-" >click the little f----- just to make him shut up >clippy gives me the password >guess he's not so bad after all >now that i'm in, i go to fbi.gov/hack/helicopters >"congratulations, hacker!" you now have full control of the FBI's helicopters! what would you like them to do?" >"A) turn left B) turn right C) ascend D) descend E) explode" >go with option E >ВOOM, baby >flaming helicopters fall from the sky >mfw
File: 7IXz6ej.png (648 KB, 610x915) Anonymous (ID: us 11XD6Q) 06/06/14(Fri)17:30:27 No.549923098 >be me >world's greatest hacker >#1 on FBI's most wanted list >but they can't track me down because i always delete my browser history >just got done hacking entire internet >now every user in the world gets redirected to blackpeoplemeet.com >epic lulz >one of my hackerbros messages me on AIM >tells me that 420_1337_h4x0r_420, my #1 hackerbro, has been arrested >they were able to backtrace his IP because he forgot to browse on incognito mode >word on the street is he's already ratted me out >look out window >FBI helicopters circling overhead >hah! those bastards don't know who they're dealing with >open up internet explorer >get redirected to blackpeoplemeet.com >oh yeah, forgot about that >run disableblackpeoplemeet.exe >now it's time for some world class hacking >go to fbi.gov/hack >f---, there's a password >something appears on the bottom right corner of my screen >it's that goddamn talking paperclip >"it looks like you're trying to hack the FBI. would you like help?" >f--- off clippy, i'm trying to work here >"it looks like you're trying to hack the FBI. would you-" >click the little f----- just to make him shut up >clippy gives me the password >guess he's not so bad after all >now that i'm in, i go to fbi.gov/hack/helicopters >"congratulations, hacker!" you now have full control of the FBI's helicopters! what would you like them to do?" >"A) turn left B) turn right C) ascend D) descend E) explode" >go with option E >ВOOM, baby >flaming helicopters fall from the sky >mfw

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anon goes to sleep | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/24/21(Wed)00:40:18 No.848157265 >be me >at home about to go sleep >dad tells me has to drill a small hole in my wall so he can put a wire through it >"ok" 39 >he drills the hole and puts a wire through it 202 KB PNG >l put a sock in it to patch up because there was some air coming through >go to sleep >wake up next morning >sock is gone >can't find it Who the f--- stole my sock
: Anonymous 02/24/21(Wed)00:40:18 No.848157265 >be me >at home about to go sleep >dad tells me has to drill a small hole in my wall so he can put a wire through it >"ok" 39 >he drills the hole and puts a wire through it 202 KB PNG >l put a sock in it to patch up because there was some air coming through >go to sleep >wake up next morning >sock is gone >can't find it Who the f--- stole my sock

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It worsens and worsens, anons | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/23/21(Tue)09:43:34 No.848099689 random amongus Spoonful sus amongus normie Red ironic among us *fartsoundeffect* Polish_20210221_155410237.jpg 89 KB JPG >go to the internet >day ruined 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 02/23/21(Tue)09:44:50 No.848099754 >>848099689 (OP)_# >wake up >day ruined 21sthumor shitpost status
: Anonymous 02/23/21(Tue)09:43:34 No.848099689 random amongus Spoonful sus amongus normie Red ironic among us *fartsoundeffect* Polish_20210221_155410237.jpg 89 KB JPG >go to the internet >day ruined 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 02/23/21(Tue)09:44:50 No.848099754 >>848099689 (OP)_# >wake up >day ruined 21sthumor shitpost status

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Anon is muslim | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: hiurwey6 11/26/20(Thu)20:02:58 No.293246751 Russian Muslim is here (Chechen) I just want to warn you that no one dares to scold the Prophet Muhammad, and what the stinking rat Macron is doing now is he is digging his own grave. 1.72 MB PNG Don't joke with us, don't scare our feelings, our faith, and then your heads will be on your bodies. Makron is making a big mistake by starting a war with Muslims, the case can turn into a sea of blood. Think about it, remove the macron and do not touch the Muslims. : Anonymous (ID: kwiWbPLP 11/26/20(Thu)20:03:47 No.293246902 >>293246751 (OP) # Mohamed sucked black penis >>293247519 # >>293250527 #
: Anonymous (ID: hiurwey6 11/26/20(Thu)20:02:58 No.293246751 Russian Muslim is here (Chechen) I just want to warn you that no one dares to scold the Prophet Muhammad, and what the stinking rat Macron is doing now is he is digging his own grave. 1.72 MB PNG Don't joke with us, don't scare our feelings, our faith, and then your heads will be on your bodies. Makron is making a big mistake by starting a war with Muslims, the case can turn into a sea of blood. Think about it, remove the macron and do not touch the Muslims. : Anonymous (ID: kwiWbPLP 11/26/20(Thu)20:03:47 No.293246902 >>293246751 (OP) # Mohamed sucked black penis >>293247519 # >>293250527 #

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Anon finds his parent's stash | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/23/21(Tue)15:06:31 No.62465515 >be me Bruh zone >be 10 minutes ago >I live with my parents >home alone cleaning up my dads s--- Bruh Bruh >hunting s--- is scattered around living room 55 KB JPG >find box of 12 gauge shotgun shells >go to gun safe in garage to put it away >open safe >put shells on shelf >notice a brown unmarked box, one of the harder boxes with padding inside that hold fragile objects >think its a new scope my dad got for his rifle >l open it >inside is an assortment of dildos and vibrators >there is a bag on the shelf below it >even more sex toys in there >mfw
: Anonymous 02/23/21(Tue)15:06:31 No.62465515 >be me Bruh zone >be 10 minutes ago >I live with my parents >home alone cleaning up my dads s--- Bruh Bruh >hunting s--- is scattered around living room 55 KB JPG >find box of 12 gauge shotgun shells >go to gun safe in garage to put it away >open safe >put shells on shelf >notice a brown unmarked box, one of the harder boxes with padding inside that hold fragile objects >think its a new scope my dad got for his rifle >l open it >inside is an assortment of dildos and vibrators >there is a bag on the shelf below it >even more sex toys in there >mfw

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Day ruined | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 72381994 2 hours ago >go outside >see a brown person >day ruined JPG 18.3 kB
Anonymous | 72381994 2 hours ago >go outside >see a brown person >day ruined JPG 18.3 kB

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anon feels the regret | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)21:09:34 No.59995808 >Girl I had been crushing on started dating some other guy a couple months ago >Didn't really bother me all that much >Her and I had been, and are still friends >Sends me her usual goodnight snapchat >Click on her snapchat story >Her boyfriend is lying in her bed 8 KB PNG >"2 months with this dork <3" >Suddenly f------ crushed even though it never bothered me before now >Just message her "night" instead of snapping her back. I don't know why I'm suddenly crushed by this, I don't even wanna continue my progress at the gym if this s--- is just gonna keep happening. I know they're f------ right now and I feel like my insides have just all been pulled out through my mouth. How do I make the pain go away /fit/? Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)21:10:33 No.59995818 You never even made your feelings known to her, did you?
Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)21:09:34 No.59995808 >Girl I had been crushing on started dating some other guy a couple months ago >Didn't really bother me all that much >Her and I had been, and are still friends >Sends me her usual goodnight snapchat >Click on her snapchat story >Her boyfriend is lying in her bed 8 KB PNG >"2 months with this dork <3" >Suddenly f------ crushed even though it never bothered me before now >Just message her "night" instead of snapping her back. I don't know why I'm suddenly crushed by this, I don't even wanna continue my progress at the gym if this s--- is just gonna keep happening. I know they're f------ right now and I feel like my insides have just all been pulled out through my mouth. How do I make the pain go away /fit/? Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)21:10:33 No.59995818 You never even made your feelings known to her, did you?

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Anon is a trucker | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/23/21(Tue)00:31:03 No.62457018 DAD, WHAT'S A WEEKEND? >Be me >Truck driver, 300 pounds, big grey beard containing half a pound of chewing tobacco >At a truck-stop at night, and I'm too lazy to walk to the bathroom, so I piss into a I DON'T KNOW SON, WE'RE TRUCKERSS. 49 KB JPG water bottle >When it's filled to the brim with dark yellow piss, I throw it out the window and get ready to leave >l hear a noise directly outside the truck >I freeze, and listen *Glug, glug, glug* >The empty water bottle flies back through the window >I s--- in my truckin' pants
: Anonymous 02/23/21(Tue)00:31:03 No.62457018 DAD, WHAT'S A WEEKEND? >Be me >Truck driver, 300 pounds, big grey beard containing half a pound of chewing tobacco >At a truck-stop at night, and I'm too lazy to walk to the bathroom, so I piss into a I DON'T KNOW SON, WE'RE TRUCKERSS. 49 KB JPG water bottle >When it's filled to the brim with dark yellow piss, I throw it out the window and get ready to leave >l hear a noise directly outside the truck >I freeze, and listen *Glug, glug, glug* >The empty water bottle flies back through the window >I s--- in my truckin' pants

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Anon slaps a girls ass | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)16:10:15 No.848015685 >>848014947 # Oh man that reminds me of my last day in 6th grade >be me 565 KB PNG >last day of 6th grade >be chilling in 5th period >guy I hang out with dares me to slap the ass of obese girl on the way out >think that's a great idea >being the dumbass that I am forget that fact that we are in a portable, with the exits facing other portables >class ends >l make sure to get behind her as we exit >I slap her ass, jump over the railing, and naruto ran to 6th period >ffw to 6th period >chilling, completely forgot about it at this point >"Anon, you have a call from the office" >confusion.jpg >mfw there were like 30 people and a teacher who saw me slap an obese girl's ass >mfw suspended on the last day of school >mfw grounded for entire summer break
: Anonymous 02/22/21(Mon)16:10:15 No.848015685 >>848014947 # Oh man that reminds me of my last day in 6th grade >be me 565 KB PNG >last day of 6th grade >be chilling in 5th period >guy I hang out with dares me to slap the ass of obese girl on the way out >think that's a great idea >being the dumbass that I am forget that fact that we are in a portable, with the exits facing other portables >class ends >l make sure to get behind her as we exit >I slap her ass, jump over the railing, and naruto ran to 6th period >ffw to 6th period >chilling, completely forgot about it at this point >"Anon, you have a call from the office" >confusion.jpg >mfw there were like 30 people and a teacher who saw me slap an obese girl's ass >mfw suspended on the last day of school >mfw grounded for entire summer break

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Why yes, I am a Millenial. How could you tell? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: RbCr6kj+ ) 02/22/21(Mon)20:57:05 No.29440241 >You have 10 seconds to be as millennial as possible. 72 KB JPG : Anonymous (ID: 5q1RlmEk 02/22/21(Mon)20:58:52 No.29440372 >>29440241 (OP) # >So I was sucking my girlfriend's c--- and it reminded me of an IPA I had the other day. >>29440554 # >>29440638 # >>29440718 # >>29440722 # >>29440814 # >>29441291 # >>29442639 # >>29442675 # >>29443626 # >>29449393 #
: Anonymous (ID: RbCr6kj+ ) 02/22/21(Mon)20:57:05 No.29440241 >You have 10 seconds to be as millennial as possible. 72 KB JPG : Anonymous (ID: 5q1RlmEk 02/22/21(Mon)20:58:52 No.29440372 >>29440241 (OP) # >So I was sucking my girlfriend's c--- and it reminded me of an IPA I had the other day. >>29440554 # >>29440638 # >>29440718 # >>29440722 # >>29440814 # >>29441291 # >>29442639 # >>29442675 # >>29443626 # >>29449393 #

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Anon has a sweatshirt | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/24/21(Wed)00:41:24 No.848133698 >be me, about to graduate college 4 years out of hs >still wear my hs football sweatshirt >its the comfiest sweatshirt I've ever worn and have yet to find its equal 19 KB PNG >mom and brother yell at me for it "Anon, its time to move on" "you look like you're living in the past" "you are supposed to be a grown up now" >graduate, get a job immediately in my engineering field >move out, bring my sweatshirt with me, much to their dismay >mfw I still wear this dumb thing every chance I get, whether going out or staying in >mfw I don't care bc l'm an adult with a job and have more important to concern myself with
: Anonymous 02/24/21(Wed)00:41:24 No.848133698 >be me, about to graduate college 4 years out of hs >still wear my hs football sweatshirt >its the comfiest sweatshirt I've ever worn and have yet to find its equal 19 KB PNG >mom and brother yell at me for it "Anon, its time to move on" "you look like you're living in the past" "you are supposed to be a grown up now" >graduate, get a job immediately in my engineering field >move out, bring my sweatshirt with me, much to their dismay >mfw I still wear this dumb thing every chance I get, whether going out or staying in >mfw I don't care bc l'm an adult with a job and have more important to concern myself with

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Anon likes oreos | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/18/19(Mon)19:45:00 No.795302635 > be me > bad mood 'cause have to study > mom bought me oreos because she knows I like them thanks mom 18 KB JPG 3 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous 03/18/19(Mon)19:45:00 No.795302635 > be me > bad mood 'cause have to study > mom bought me oreos because she knows I like them thanks mom 18 KB JPG 3 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon haves autistic son | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/24/18(Sun)09:53:42 No.46331112 >be dad to 7yo son >find out he's possible in the spectrum >smart >awful in social situations >no coordination when partaking in physical activities >loves roblox and minecraft 38 KB PNG >yesterday he was running around the house singing something >watcha doin son? >im sanic, i gotta go fast dad please look after him when he eventually finds you guys
: Anonymous 06/24/18(Sun)09:53:42 No.46331112 >be dad to 7yo son >find out he's possible in the spectrum >smart >awful in social situations >no coordination when partaking in physical activities >loves roblox and minecraft 38 KB PNG >yesterday he was running around the house singing something >watcha doin son? >im sanic, i gotta go fast dad please look after him when he eventually finds you guys

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