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LIFE IS PAIN | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/30/18(Thu)00:18:25 No.778520043 >Attempt suicide with Helium gas >Dad busts in; removes mask >"Son, why?!" >Reply in chipmunk voice >"LIFE IS PAIN" >he starts laughing 148 KB JPG
: Anonymous 08/30/18(Thu)00:18:25 No.778520043 >Attempt suicide with Helium gas >Dad busts in; removes mask >"Son, why?!" >Reply in chipmunk voice >"LIFE IS PAIN" >he starts laughing 148 KB JPG

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Anon gets cancer | /r/Greentext

Sitting at home, alone in the house, i feel actually kind of peacefull, typing this up. I have already accepted my fate. I was diagnosed with cancer a week ago, and the doctors gave me 2 months to live, and right now i just really want to share the story of how i got 7 KB JPG cancer. So here it is. First, a bit of backstory. >Be me, 14 years old >Freshman year >On second day of school, make a friend who we will call Mike >Mike was a few years older than me >Get really close with mike >At the time, kissless virgin >Terrified with girls >Desperate for a girlfriend >Mike tells me that it's easy to talk to girls >Just don't be nervous and talk to one >lv'e always been too nervous to even approach a grill >One day, he literally pushes me infront a girl i like >"Hey this is anon." >Walks away >l panick, and she kind of giggles >We end up talking >Shes actually kind of nice >Me and female become friends Fastforward 2 years later >Me and female end up dating >Dating for a year and a half >We become known as the Lily and Marshal of my highschool >We do everything together >Mike is having a party at his house >Me and female go >l have a few drinks, but gf has alot more than i do >She gets some cigaretts and starts smoking with some guy >Drunkenly tries to make me smoke too >i try it, but have a coughing fit and don't do it again >She starts to get anoyed that i won't smoke with her >"Whatever" she says and walks off visually frustrated >Kept partying with Mike and make a few new friends. >Later, i can't find gf >Start asking around for her >One girl says she saw her go upstairs with >smoker guy Ohfuckno >Mike sees me run upstairs and follows me >Open a bedroom door and see her with her top off, making out with smokerfag >l'm stunned. Speachless >Mike grabs guy and throws him off the bed >Female starts crying and saying sorry >Runs over and hugs me Not gonna ask if i can continut because im not a Cont?c--- : Anonymous 07/27/15(Mon)23:25:05 No.630890540 Cont pleeease : Anonymous 07/27/15(Mon)23:27:19 No.630890983 >Few days later, feel an urge to smoke >Decide "what's the harm" >l end up having one maybe once a week. >Not 19 yet (legel smoking/drinking age in canada) so i have to bum them off of people >turns out female kept on talking and seeing eachother once in a while behind my back Long story short, female dumps me for smokefag >Start smoking to cope with it > I was in love with female, and i still am >l dont know how to deal this. She was my everything >i get super depressed >cry almost every night for 6 months >contemplate suicide >decide i dont want to live without female >decide to get super drunk and give myself alcohol poisoning. Just kind of, fade away peacefully > ive always told mike everything, but i didnt tell him how hurti was by female. > tell him i want to drink > mike lives alone now, so we do it at his house >get super drunk. I cant really remember any of what happened that night >aparently i passed out and he turned me on my side so i wouldnt choke on my own vomit >Wake up and see him sitting in a chair >start crying uncontrollably >tell mike what i tried to do Mike really helped me deal with all the pain, but my smoking habbit stayed >be me >2 weeks ago > lungs feel strange. Sharp pains when i take deep breaths > go to doctor to get it checked out >take some tests > few days later, i get a call from doctor >nervouse as f--- >turns out im completly fine > suicide attempt was a month ago >Still a little depressed, but not suicidal anymore > mike calls or texts me everyday to makesure in ok >one day, mike texts me a link of a funny picture to try and cheer me up >its a link to a picture on 9gag >9gag opens >get cancer
Sitting at home, alone in the house, i feel actually kind of peacefull, typing this up. I have already accepted my fate. I was diagnosed with cancer a week ago, and the doctors gave me 2 months to live, and right now i just really want to share the story of how i got 7 KB JPG cancer. So here it is. First, a bit of backstory. >Be me, 14 years old >Freshman year >On second day of school, make a friend who we will call Mike >Mike was a few years older than me >Get really close with mike >At the time, kissless virgin >Terrified with girls >Desperate for a girlfriend >Mike tells me that it's easy to talk to girls >Just don't be nervous and talk to one >lv'e always been too nervous to even approach a grill >One day, he literally pushes me infront a girl i like >"Hey this is anon." >Walks away >l panick, and she kind of giggles >We end up talking >Shes actually kind of nice >Me and female become friends Fastforward 2 years later >Me and female end up dating >Dating for a year and a half >We become known as the Lily and Marshal of my highschool >We do everything together >Mike is having a party at his house >Me and female go >l have a few drinks, but gf has alot more than i do >She gets some cigaretts and starts smoking with some guy >Drunkenly tries to make me smoke too >i try it, but have a coughing fit and don't do it again >She starts to get anoyed that i won't smoke with her >"Whatever" she says and walks off visually frustrated >Kept partying with Mike and make a few new friends. >Later, i can't find gf >Start asking around for her >One girl says she saw her go upstairs with >smoker guy Ohfuckno >Mike sees me run upstairs and follows me >Open a bedroom door and see her with her top off, making out with smokerfag >l'm stunned. Speachless >Mike grabs guy and throws him off the bed >Female starts crying and saying sorry >Runs over and hugs me Not gonna ask if i can continut because im not a Cont?c--- : Anonymous 07/27/15(Mon)23:25:05 No.630890540 Cont pleeease : Anonymous 07/27/15(Mon)23:27:19 No.630890983 >Few days later, feel an urge to smoke >Decide "what's the harm" >l end up having one maybe once a week. >Not 19 yet (legel smoking/drinking age in canada) so i have to bum them off of people >turns out female kept on talking and seeing eachother once in a while behind my back Long story short, female dumps me for smokefag >Start smoking to cope with it > I was in love with female, and i still am >l dont know how to deal this. She was my everything >i get super depressed >cry almost every night for 6 months >contemplate suicide >decide i dont want to live without female >decide to get super drunk and give myself alcohol poisoning. Just kind of, fade away peacefully > ive always told mike everything, but i didnt tell him how hurti was by female. > tell him i want to drink > mike lives alone now, so we do it at his house >get super drunk. I cant really remember any of what happened that night >aparently i passed out and he turned me on my side so i wouldnt choke on my own vomit >Wake up and see him sitting in a chair >start crying uncontrollably >tell mike what i tried to do Mike really helped me deal with all the pain, but my smoking habbit stayed >be me >2 weeks ago > lungs feel strange. Sharp pains when i take deep breaths > go to doctor to get it checked out >take some tests > few days later, i get a call from doctor >nervouse as f--- >turns out im completly fine > suicide attempt was a month ago >Still a little depressed, but not suicidal anymore > mike calls or texts me everyday to makesure in ok >one day, mike texts me a link of a funny picture to try and cheer me up >its a link to a picture on 9gag >9gag opens >get cancer

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Anons dad works two jobs to provide | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/04/20(Sat)15:13:09 No.817746363 >be me >dad decides that after the divorce of my mom he was going to become a male stripper >starts going to the gym all the time >gets really f------ ripped and suddenly is a sex god DALLAS 118 KB JPG >doesn't get home till noon on some school days after being out all night stripping as a side gig >thefuck.jpg >start fight among my parents >he hands over his parental rights >stripper dad left my life and i haven't seen him in 11 years >i lost my dad to being a gogo dancer >picture related
: Anonymous 01/04/20(Sat)15:13:09 No.817746363 >be me >dad decides that after the divorce of my mom he was going to become a male stripper >starts going to the gym all the time >gets really f------ ripped and suddenly is a sex god DALLAS 118 KB JPG >doesn't get home till noon on some school days after being out all night stripping as a side gig >thefuck.jpg >start fight among my parents >he hands over his parental rights >stripper dad left my life and i haven't seen him in 11 years >i lost my dad to being a gogo dancer >picture related

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anon did something stupid | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/24/21(Wed)22:02:45 No.848201414 Last new years I did something stupid and I can't block it out of my mind >New years eve drinking with friends waiting for the count down >See busty milf sitting with her friend across the bar >She catches my eye and quickly 372 KB PNG looks away >I remember that when you accidentally continue to make eye contact with a woman it's a sign of interest and flirting >Really wanted to get the message across but drunk and retarded >Just keep staring at her so she will keep making eye contact >After the fifth time in a row she whispers something to her friend and they both look at me and giggle >Oh s--- it's working >Continue to stare at her for another 10 minutes ignoring all other surrounding >My friend says I should go talk to her so I go >Stand right behind her and say hi >No answer >l just stand there for roughly five minutes without saying a word and then they get up and sit somewhere else
: Anonymous 02/24/21(Wed)22:02:45 No.848201414 Last new years I did something stupid and I can't block it out of my mind >New years eve drinking with friends waiting for the count down >See busty milf sitting with her friend across the bar >She catches my eye and quickly 372 KB PNG looks away >I remember that when you accidentally continue to make eye contact with a woman it's a sign of interest and flirting >Really wanted to get the message across but drunk and retarded >Just keep staring at her so she will keep making eye contact >After the fifth time in a row she whispers something to her friend and they both look at me and giggle >Oh s--- it's working >Continue to stare at her for another 10 minutes ignoring all other surrounding >My friend says I should go talk to her so I go >Stand right behind her and say hi >No answer >l just stand there for roughly five minutes without saying a word and then they get up and sit somewhere else

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anon goes on a date | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 02/24/21(Wed)19:29:47 No.62483336 >>62483377 >mom sets up date with girl >meet at johnny rockets >going ok >gets quiet >dont know what to say >glance at my dating flashcards >she notices my dating flashcards
O Anonymous 02/24/21(Wed)19:29:47 No.62483336 >>62483377 >mom sets up date with girl >meet at johnny rockets >going ok >gets quiet >dont know what to say >glance at my dating flashcards >she notices my dating flashcards

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Anon is a fashion terrorist | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/22/21 (Mon)09:54:08 No.847998756 download.png 197 KB PNG >23 y/o virgin >at a bar with friends >liquid confidence gets me >manage to get a girl to come back to my apartment >things get heated and we start undressing >take off my pants and go to unbutton my shirt like pic related >"anon whats that" >she laughs uncontrollably >gets dressed and orders an uber home What the f--- is wrong with women, maybe I just don't like my shirt untucking
: Anonymous 02/22/21 (Mon)09:54:08 No.847998756 download.png 197 KB PNG >23 y/o virgin >at a bar with friends >liquid confidence gets me >manage to get a girl to come back to my apartment >things get heated and we start undressing >take off my pants and go to unbutton my shirt like pic related >"anon whats that" >she laughs uncontrollably >gets dressed and orders an uber home What the f--- is wrong with women, maybe I just don't like my shirt untucking

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Spring back | /r/Greentext


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Anon returns to monke | /r/Greentext


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Little Women | /r/Greentext

File: 1487479013399.jpg (7 KB, 250x242) U Anonymous 02/24/21(Wed)05:42:46 No.62473851 [Reply] D>>62473909 >>62474039 >Be me >21 yrs old >Talking to girl I knew from high school (she was in a lower grade than me) >She is 17 >Turning 18 in literally a week or two >Say cool and hope she has a nice bday >Day comes >She turns 18 >She messages me >Asks if I want to go on a date sometime >Say sure (I don't actually want to, but I didn't want to hurt her feelings) >She says something about sending me pics of her in lingerie (she's not actually very attractive so don't get your hopes up) >Say ok cool >She sends pics >Few days go by >We exchange pics >I start to feel like a creep so I ghost her >Instagram account eventually gets deleted for some random reason so there are no more chat logs Can I get charged with grooming a minor or some s---? l'm scared...
File: 1487479013399.jpg (7 KB, 250x242) U Anonymous 02/24/21(Wed)05:42:46 No.62473851 [Reply] D>>62473909 >>62474039 >Be me >21 yrs old >Talking to girl I knew from high school (she was in a lower grade than me) >She is 17 >Turning 18 in literally a week or two >Say cool and hope she has a nice bday >Day comes >She turns 18 >She messages me >Asks if I want to go on a date sometime >Say sure (I don't actually want to, but I didn't want to hurt her feelings) >She says something about sending me pics of her in lingerie (she's not actually very attractive so don't get your hopes up) >Say ok cool >She sends pics >Few days go by >We exchange pics >I start to feel like a creep so I ghost her >Instagram account eventually gets deleted for some random reason so there are no more chat logs Can I get charged with grooming a minor or some s---? l'm scared...

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Anon thinks about prohibition | /r/Greentext

File: A02E8839-67A1-4EEB-8CE8-4(...).jpg (88 KB, 678x723) LIPS THAT TOUCH LIQUOR SHALL NOT TOUCH OURS Anonymous 02/23/21(Tue)20:41:01 No.10519664 [Reply] ► >>10519685 >>10519856 >enact the dumbest movement in American history to the point of getting the amendment they pushed for repealed for the first and only time in American history >still get the right to vote after this gigantic clusterfuck
File: A02E8839-67A1-4EEB-8CE8-4(...).jpg (88 KB, 678x723) LIPS THAT TOUCH LIQUOR SHALL NOT TOUCH OURS Anonymous 02/23/21(Tue)20:41:01 No.10519664 [Reply] ► >>10519685 >>10519856 >enact the dumbest movement in American history to the point of getting the amendment they pushed for repealed for the first and only time in American history >still get the right to vote after this gigantic clusterfuck

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Anon has a stepsister | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/22/18(Wed)09:55:34 No.777876369 Best Greentext stories ever thread >be me >be 12 >get 18 yr old step sister >fast forward 2017 33 KB JPG >l'm 19 she's 25 >we've bonded over all these years and consider each other our best friends and constantly communicate about what's bothering us similar to regular siblings >care for each other over the bond we built >live a normie life 9 Replies /3 Images View Thread : Anonymous 08/22/18(Wed)10:22:02 No.777877586 >>777877261 # You are disgusting >>777877694 # >>777877721 #
: Anonymous 08/22/18(Wed)09:55:34 No.777876369 Best Greentext stories ever thread >be me >be 12 >get 18 yr old step sister >fast forward 2017 33 KB JPG >l'm 19 she's 25 >we've bonded over all these years and consider each other our best friends and constantly communicate about what's bothering us similar to regular siblings >care for each other over the bond we built >live a normie life 9 Replies /3 Images View Thread : Anonymous 08/22/18(Wed)10:22:02 No.777877586 >>777877261 # You are disgusting >>777877694 # >>777877721 #

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Not greentext per say but go help a kid out. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/24/21(Wed)06:18:13 No.848147917 theres this a kid on youtube who wants subscriptions fot his birthday. i dont know 'em, but i bet he;d be happy waking up to 1.5k sub. 0:13 if you could subscribe before my b-day tomorrow that... youtube com/channel/UCOSNOZO- _k2Acid2hvxwVWg/videos 46 KB PNG
: Anonymous 02/24/21(Wed)06:18:13 No.848147917 theres this a kid on youtube who wants subscriptions fot his birthday. i dont know 'em, but i bet he;d be happy waking up to 1.5k sub. 0:13 if you could subscribe before my b-day tomorrow that... youtube com/channel/UCOSNOZO- _k2Acid2hvxwVWg/videos 46 KB PNG

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Anon hates nickelodeon | /r/Greentext

>be nickelodeon >wait for stephen hillenburg to die >make s----- spinoff >community hates it >release anyways
>be nickelodeon >wait for stephen hillenburg to die >make s----- spinoff >community hates it >release anyways

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Anon makes a fatal error | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/15/18(Thu)14:55:01 No.784922768 how bad have i f----- up /b/ >be me >pathetic only have sex once four years ago > have this cousin whos 19 but shes got developmental problems >not a tard just off enough that you realize shes not quite normal after talking to her for a few minutes 29 KB JPG > she likes to tease me > been doing it since we were kids > things like grabbing me through my pants and rubbing her butt on my lap until i got hard then runs away because she genuinely thinks it funny > im sexually frustrated and very drunk > she starts doing it > warn her, half jokingly, that if she doesnt stop im going to do something > she laughs > gets me hard and runs off >i cant handle it anymore something snaps >i chase her down and tackle her in the hallway > shes not laughing anymore but my pants are already on the floor >i dont even remember thinking or how i let myself go this far but suddenly im f------ her > her panties around her thighs and shes telling me to stop but i cant, > im just f------ the s--- out of my cousin and it feels amazing, better then i realized it would > i finish and and look over >mfw i realize the new carpet i just paid for doesnt even match my baseboard how bad did i f--- up?
: Anonymous 11/15/18(Thu)14:55:01 No.784922768 how bad have i f----- up /b/ >be me >pathetic only have sex once four years ago > have this cousin whos 19 but shes got developmental problems >not a tard just off enough that you realize shes not quite normal after talking to her for a few minutes 29 KB JPG > she likes to tease me > been doing it since we were kids > things like grabbing me through my pants and rubbing her butt on my lap until i got hard then runs away because she genuinely thinks it funny > im sexually frustrated and very drunk > she starts doing it > warn her, half jokingly, that if she doesnt stop im going to do something > she laughs > gets me hard and runs off >i cant handle it anymore something snaps >i chase her down and tackle her in the hallway > shes not laughing anymore but my pants are already on the floor >i dont even remember thinking or how i let myself go this far but suddenly im f------ her > her panties around her thighs and shes telling me to stop but i cant, > im just f------ the s--- out of my cousin and it feels amazing, better then i realized it would > i finish and and look over >mfw i realize the new carpet i just paid for doesnt even match my baseboard how bad did i f--- up?

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Anon ruins Nintendo | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/14/20(Thu)15:56:14 No.507945510 >pirate game >company loses $60 >delete game >company receives back $60 >pirate game 1 million times >company loses $60M and declares bankrupcy >buy company for a few dollars 36 KB JPG and become CEO >delete all the pirated copies >$60M deposited in my account >suddenly CEO of my own game company with millions to make my dream game
: Anonymous 05/14/20(Thu)15:56:14 No.507945510 >pirate game >company loses $60 >delete game >company receives back $60 >pirate game 1 million times >company loses $60M and declares bankrupcy >buy company for a few dollars 36 KB JPG and become CEO >delete all the pirated copies >$60M deposited in my account >suddenly CEO of my own game company with millions to make my dream game

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Anon plays Minecraft | /r/Greentext

1555880593751.jpg| 77 KB JPG >>52470860 (OP) # >be me >mad >play minecraft >not mad anymore Thanks minecraft
1555880593751.jpg| 77 KB JPG >>52470860 (OP) # >be me >mad >play minecraft >not mad anymore Thanks minecraft

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Anon is a fish | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)18:59:15 No.84751 >be me >fish ><> 26 KB JPG
: Anonymous 02/16/21(Tue)18:59:15 No.84751 >be me >fish ><> 26 KB JPG

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Anon has phimosis | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/25/21(Thu)01:12:44 No.62476206 >have phimosis >have sex >girl tells me my penis is gross and that I need to get cut >ignore her, surely not all girls think like that 308 KB JPG >fast forward 5 years, every girl i've been with told me the same, this is beginning to negatively impact my sex life >decide to get cut >get home after the surgery >remove the bandages, finally get a look at what was under the foreskin >i have pearly papules and weird black spots that look like burn marks all over the glans, my d--- is now 100x uglier Epic...
: Anonymous 02/25/21(Thu)01:12:44 No.62476206 >have phimosis >have sex >girl tells me my penis is gross and that I need to get cut >ignore her, surely not all girls think like that 308 KB JPG >fast forward 5 years, every girl i've been with told me the same, this is beginning to negatively impact my sex life >decide to get cut >get home after the surgery >remove the bandages, finally get a look at what was under the foreskin >i have pearly papules and weird black spots that look like burn marks all over the glans, my d--- is now 100x uglier Epic...

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Anon is a good parent | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 02/24/21(Wed)10:35:20 No.848180265► File: 9BE8F938-F9E2-44D5-B911-5(.).jpg (41 KB, 624x589 >>848179582 (OP) >my child is throwing a tantrum >l gave them their way and enable them >no more tantrum >BEST PARENT EVER
O Anonymous 02/24/21(Wed)10:35:20 No.848180265► File: 9BE8F938-F9E2-44D5-B911-5(.).jpg (41 KB, 624x589 >>848179582 (OP) >my child is throwing a tantrum >l gave them their way and enable them >no more tantrum >BEST PARENT EVER

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Anon rejects capitalism | /r/Greentext

File: B9549E97-B7CD-4C87-8B4F-A(...).jpg (36 KB, 600x600) Anonymous 02/23/21(Tue)18:21:40 No.10518835 [Reply] >>10519542 >study history >realize true democracy has never been tried >police are just blunt weapons of the state and were subservient to many atrocities >landlordism is as bad as serfdom was >CIA snuffed out all grassroots communist movements and led to poverty in those countries and many deaths >become direct democratic communist Am I the only one?
File: B9549E97-B7CD-4C87-8B4F-A(...).jpg (36 KB, 600x600) Anonymous 02/23/21(Tue)18:21:40 No.10518835 [Reply] >>10519542 >study history >realize true democracy has never been tried >police are just blunt weapons of the state and were subservient to many atrocities >landlordism is as bad as serfdom was >CIA snuffed out all grassroots communist movements and led to poverty in those countries and many deaths >become direct democratic communist Am I the only one?

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