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Anon dies at Pompeii | /r/Greentext

Embracing figures at Pompeii 'could have been gay lovers', after scan reveals they are both men >be me >drinking wine with best bro >served 10 years in army together >saved my life once >named my son after the guy >mountain f------ explodes >find house and hide for shelter >give each other one last bro hug >ash burys us both >1900 years later get found >lol gay bois
Embracing figures at Pompeii 'could have been gay lovers', after scan reveals they are both men >be me >drinking wine with best bro >served 10 years in army together >saved my life once >named my son after the guy >mountain f------ explodes >find house and hide for shelter >give each other one last bro hug >ash burys us both >1900 years later get found >lol gay bois

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new yorkers so phony | /r/Greentext

[Return] [Catalog] [Bottom] [Update] [ Auto] File: bitchass.jpg (231 KB, 1204x856) I Anonymous 02/26/21(Fri)10:39:31 >doesn't even skate why are new yorkers such posers prame [Return] [Catalog] [Top] [Update] [D Auto]
[Return] [Catalog] [Bottom] [Update] [ Auto] File: bitchass.jpg (231 KB, 1204x856) I Anonymous 02/26/21(Fri)10:39:31 >doesn't even skate why are new yorkers such posers prame [Return] [Catalog] [Top] [Update] [D Auto]

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Anon became his own grandpa. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous No.623065567 4 minutes ago >be 23 >marry hot chick cougar who's husband died >rebound sex was cray >she has daughter my age >my single dad thinks my wife's daughter is a fox >wtfdad.jpg >they date for a few months and get married. >my stepdaughter is now my stepmother >my father is my son in law. >w--.exe >have kid with cougar wife >dad has kid with my stepdaughter >my baby became a brother in law to dad >my baby is now my uncle >Jerry springer.PNG >my dad's kid is my sister and my stepdaughters baby thus my grandchild >my wife is my step-mothers mother who is now a grandma to my new half-sibling >l am married to my grandma >l am my own grandpa.
Anonymous No.623065567 4 minutes ago >be 23 >marry hot chick cougar who's husband died >rebound sex was cray >she has daughter my age >my single dad thinks my wife's daughter is a fox >wtfdad.jpg >they date for a few months and get married. >my stepdaughter is now my stepmother >my father is my son in law. >w--.exe >have kid with cougar wife >dad has kid with my stepdaughter >my baby became a brother in law to dad >my baby is now my uncle >Jerry springer.PNG >my dad's kid is my sister and my stepdaughters baby thus my grandchild >my wife is my step-mothers mother who is now a grandma to my new half-sibling >l am married to my grandma >l am my own grandpa.

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Anon likes a horse girl | /r/Greentext

File: itried.jpg (13 KB, 225x225) O Anonymous 02/26/21(Fri)19:52:27 I f----- up /bros >be 2 weeks ago >crushing on a horse girl >all she loves is horses >jumps horses, dressages with horses >all horse things. >Saw her jumps on social >She always competes >loves winning, loves ribbons >soon ads pop up for me for ribbons >Scrolling ribbons even on p--- sites >Custom ribbons >l order one. Get it embroidered >"#1 Crush. Will you go out with me Tuesday" >Tuesday is my only night off >fastfoodworkerlife.gif > get to school on Friday >It'll give her the weekend to think about it >l spring it on her after lunch >she stops me, starts talking >I don't hear words at first because her eyes are on me >"flattered...but" >Something like that. Expected it. >Accept like a man and go on my way >Hear laughter later >The ribbon is passing around >She told everyone >F------ rekt >I sill watch her jump videos. Ha P* ARLOWEEN HarP* SALOWEEN
File: itried.jpg (13 KB, 225x225) O Anonymous 02/26/21(Fri)19:52:27 I f----- up /bros >be 2 weeks ago >crushing on a horse girl >all she loves is horses >jumps horses, dressages with horses >all horse things. >Saw her jumps on social >She always competes >loves winning, loves ribbons >soon ads pop up for me for ribbons >Scrolling ribbons even on p--- sites >Custom ribbons >l order one. Get it embroidered >"#1 Crush. Will you go out with me Tuesday" >Tuesday is my only night off >fastfoodworkerlife.gif > get to school on Friday >It'll give her the weekend to think about it >l spring it on her after lunch >she stops me, starts talking >I don't hear words at first because her eyes are on me >"flattered...but" >Something like that. Expected it. >Accept like a man and go on my way >Hear laughter later >The ribbon is passing around >She told everyone >F------ rekt >I sill watch her jump videos. Ha P* ARLOWEEN HarP* SALOWEEN

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Anon is ugly | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/27/21(Sat)00:55:37 No.62515652 >5000 (five thousand) years of evolution for the modern h--- sapiens >somehow through all these years, the ugly/short/bald genes have not been bred out >5000 years of sexual selection where 17 KB JPG only chads get the girl Is evolution fake? was darwin a f----- hack? or am i unlucky enough to be born in the exact same moment women decided to only choose the top 1% of men? : Anonymous 02/27/21(Sat)00:57:26 No.62515672 >>62515652 (OP) # Dude are you retarded? For most of the last 5000 years organised religion and governments forced monogamy on commoners. Meaning that every man got a wife, usually by arranged marriage. Even the ugly dudes. Civilization completely wiped out natural and sexual selection.
: Anonymous 02/27/21(Sat)00:55:37 No.62515652 >5000 (five thousand) years of evolution for the modern h--- sapiens >somehow through all these years, the ugly/short/bald genes have not been bred out >5000 years of sexual selection where 17 KB JPG only chads get the girl Is evolution fake? was darwin a f----- hack? or am i unlucky enough to be born in the exact same moment women decided to only choose the top 1% of men? : Anonymous 02/27/21(Sat)00:57:26 No.62515672 >>62515652 (OP) # Dude are you retarded? For most of the last 5000 years organised religion and governments forced monogamy on commoners. Meaning that every man got a wife, usually by arranged marriage. Even the ugly dudes. Civilization completely wiped out natural and sexual selection.

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Inventive anon | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/27/21(Sat)01:44:43 No.848353057 eeeyy artworks-000483644889-nmmqf2-t500x500.jpg 72 KB JPG >be me in high school >snakes are cool >suicidal >idea.jpeg >save money and get a constrictor snake >try and get it to kill me itself >best way to go 3 Replies View Thread
: Anonymous 02/27/21(Sat)01:44:43 No.848353057 eeeyy artworks-000483644889-nmmqf2-t500x500.jpg 72 KB JPG >be me in high school >snakes are cool >suicidal >idea.jpeg >save money and get a constrictor snake >try and get it to kill me itself >best way to go 3 Replies View Thread

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Op eats applesauce really early in the morning | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/27/21(Sat)02:28:17 No.848393993 >be me >eating applesauce at 2:30 in the morning > be you >not eating applesauce at 2:30 in the morning >why live? 3 KB JPG 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 02/27/21(Sat)02:29:12 No.848394042 i once put hot sauce on my applesauce
: Anonymous 02/27/21(Sat)02:28:17 No.848393993 >be me >eating applesauce at 2:30 in the morning > be you >not eating applesauce at 2:30 in the morning >why live? 3 KB JPG 1 Reply View Thread : Anonymous 02/27/21(Sat)02:29:12 No.848394042 i once put hot sauce on my applesauce

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Anon lies via greentext | /r/Greentext

>be me >mom make my favorite food for lunch >after studying for my exams I won my first game in Warzone >lift weights and then take a shower to go to my girlfriend's house >she cooks 3 eggs for me, and gave me half a pizza and 2 redbulls 11 KB PNG >cuddle time.jpg >watch Scarface on Netflix >she starts to suck my D >c-- in her mouth as I watch Al Pacino yell "say hello to my little friend" >l gotta say it was a good day
>be me >mom make my favorite food for lunch >after studying for my exams I won my first game in Warzone >lift weights and then take a shower to go to my girlfriend's house >she cooks 3 eggs for me, and gave me half a pizza and 2 redbulls 11 KB PNG >cuddle time.jpg >watch Scarface on Netflix >she starts to suck my D >c-- in her mouth as I watch Al Pacino yell "say hello to my little friend" >l gotta say it was a good day

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not greentext but what the fuck | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/27/21(Sat)15:23:53 No.848410707 so i ordered this doll online and put a jessie james fleshlight inside it and i've been f------ it for a couple of weeks mom found it help what do i do she's talking on the phone and crying i'm 28 years old BAR been 126 KB JPG : Anonymous 02/27/21(Sat)15:26:32 No.848410832 >>848410707 (OP) # W.. w.. why.. did you do that Anon? 29 KB JPG
: Anonymous 02/27/21(Sat)15:23:53 No.848410707 so i ordered this doll online and put a jessie james fleshlight inside it and i've been f------ it for a couple of weeks mom found it help what do i do she's talking on the phone and crying i'm 28 years old BAR been 126 KB JPG : Anonymous 02/27/21(Sat)15:26:32 No.848410832 >>848410707 (OP) # W.. w.. why.. did you do that Anon? 29 KB JPG

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anon carrys the guild | /r/Greentext

File: girl joins the guild.jpg (92 KB, 715x537) Anonymous 02/26/21(Fri)22:43:48 No.546036070 >>546036354 >>546036528 >girl joins the guild O Anonymous 02/26/21(Fri)22:46:04 No.546036298 >>546036589 >>546036 >dates leader >leaves him for another member a month later >guild splits >you, an unrelated party now have to choose a faction in this shitshow >> Anonymous 02/26/21(Fri)22:46:37 No.546036354 ► >> Anonymous 02/26/21(Fri)22:48:02 No.546036528 >> Anonymous 02/26/21(Fri)22:48:44 No.546036589 >>546036298 >Leave the guild >Don't ever join a guild again >Remove all those f------ from your circle there
File: girl joins the guild.jpg (92 KB, 715x537) Anonymous 02/26/21(Fri)22:43:48 No.546036070 >>546036354 >>546036528 >girl joins the guild O Anonymous 02/26/21(Fri)22:46:04 No.546036298 >>546036589 >>546036 >dates leader >leaves him for another member a month later >guild splits >you, an unrelated party now have to choose a faction in this shitshow >> Anonymous 02/26/21(Fri)22:46:37 No.546036354 ► >> Anonymous 02/26/21(Fri)22:48:02 No.546036528 >> Anonymous 02/26/21(Fri)22:48:44 No.546036589 >>546036298 >Leave the guild >Don't ever join a guild again >Remove all those f------ from your circle there

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Anon plays God | /r/Greentext

>have pubic lice (crabs) OD >no shampoo works >decide to get some fire ants and place on pubes to fight the crabs >they scrap for a bit >they both have established strongholds on the opposite ends 2 KB JPG of my jungle >to the north lie the wiley crabs of pubendorf >to the south lie the barbaric fire ants of fort scrotum >one morning notice a fire ant on horseback riding towards the crabs stronghold >look closer >its a f------ threaty of alliance F--- f--- their joining sides!!! There is a rumble in my jungle and i dont what to do about it
>have pubic lice (crabs) OD >no shampoo works >decide to get some fire ants and place on pubes to fight the crabs >they scrap for a bit >they both have established strongholds on the opposite ends 2 KB JPG of my jungle >to the north lie the wiley crabs of pubendorf >to the south lie the barbaric fire ants of fort scrotum >one morning notice a fire ant on horseback riding towards the crabs stronghold >look closer >its a f------ threaty of alliance F--- f--- their joining sides!!! There is a rumble in my jungle and i dont what to do about it

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Anon meets his heroes | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/27/11(Sun)01:34 No. 14058910 e >Walking home from party late one evening >Several guys were following me, as my drunk ass managed to piss them off by existing >Try to walk faster, to no avail, as I'm drunk as s--- >Catch me in some random college student neighborhood >Oh s---, my ass is about to be beaten >Still in talking phase >Lights flick on in the house >Three guys in full musketeer garb walk out >Leader is some blond guy with a beard, eyepatch, and some weird-ass accent >What sort of ruffians would be accosting someone outside our residence? Stand and deliver!" >Guys start yelling at them to f--- off, that I deserved to get my ass beaten >"Very well, then. Draw steel, you blackguard!" >All three of them draw rapiers on their belts >Guys run >1 know not why those foul men sought your harm, but come and tell us the tale, stranger!" >Spend remainder of evening drinking mulled wine with lunatics >Bunch of Swedish re-enactors live there >Blond guy is actually missing an eye; lost it in a machine shop accident >Stagger home completely drunk with a hat I have no idea people like that existed. Or had the money to rent a house.
Anonymous 02/27/11(Sun)01:34 No. 14058910 e >Walking home from party late one evening >Several guys were following me, as my drunk ass managed to piss them off by existing >Try to walk faster, to no avail, as I'm drunk as s--- >Catch me in some random college student neighborhood >Oh s---, my ass is about to be beaten >Still in talking phase >Lights flick on in the house >Three guys in full musketeer garb walk out >Leader is some blond guy with a beard, eyepatch, and some weird-ass accent >What sort of ruffians would be accosting someone outside our residence? Stand and deliver!" >Guys start yelling at them to f--- off, that I deserved to get my ass beaten >"Very well, then. Draw steel, you blackguard!" >All three of them draw rapiers on their belts >Guys run >1 know not why those foul men sought your harm, but come and tell us the tale, stranger!" >Spend remainder of evening drinking mulled wine with lunatics >Bunch of Swedish re-enactors live there >Blond guy is actually missing an eye; lost it in a machine shop accident >Stagger home completely drunk with a hat I have no idea people like that existed. Or had the money to rent a house.

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Anon doesn’t understand social discussion undertone | /r/Greentext

>be me with group of new friends > one starts talking about how 5 years ago his house burned down because of an electric malfunction > everyone starts saying stuff like "s--- that's so bad man", "yeah I know a friend of mine who had the same thing 6 KB JPG happening to him.." Mhh maybe I should say something otherwise they will think that I am too shy > "damm, many people really don't understand the real struggles, I think that l'll never complain about picking my dog s--- ever again Embarrassing silence >" uuuh okay Anon..." Seriously bros how bad is my unironical autism?
>be me with group of new friends > one starts talking about how 5 years ago his house burned down because of an electric malfunction > everyone starts saying stuff like "s--- that's so bad man", "yeah I know a friend of mine who had the same thing 6 KB JPG happening to him.." Mhh maybe I should say something otherwise they will think that I am too shy > "damm, many people really don't understand the real struggles, I think that l'll never complain about picking my dog s--- ever again Embarrassing silence >" uuuh okay Anon..." Seriously bros how bad is my unironical autism?

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Anon knows the truth | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/27/21(Sat)02:16:29 No.848393306 Anyone notice the sun doing weird s--- lately? Different shapes or colors 268 KB JPG : Anonymous 02/27/21(Sat)02:17:43 No.848393379 >>848393306 (OP)_# Delete this thread immediately or they are going to come for you. : Anonymous 02/27/21(Sat)02:21:40 No.848393591 >>848393306 (OP) # Delete it! : Anonymous 02/27/21(Sat)02:22:58 No.848393681 >>848393306 (OP) # Mods! Please ban this thread! : Anonymous 02/27/21(Sat)02:23:33 No.848393716 >>848393306 (OP) # Man you are running out of time!!!!! Delete it before They see it and decide to act!
: Anonymous 02/27/21(Sat)02:16:29 No.848393306 Anyone notice the sun doing weird s--- lately? Different shapes or colors 268 KB JPG : Anonymous 02/27/21(Sat)02:17:43 No.848393379 >>848393306 (OP)_# Delete this thread immediately or they are going to come for you. : Anonymous 02/27/21(Sat)02:21:40 No.848393591 >>848393306 (OP) # Delete it! : Anonymous 02/27/21(Sat)02:22:58 No.848393681 >>848393306 (OP) # Mods! Please ban this thread! : Anonymous 02/27/21(Sat)02:23:33 No.848393716 >>848393306 (OP) # Man you are running out of time!!!!! Delete it before They see it and decide to act!

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Anon works hard | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/27/21(Sat)00:49:57 No.848391767 >be me > 22, in college and working > struggling with education, but getting through it > making decent money, hope to make more in the future >skip ahead 5 years, graduated with CS degree and working at a 185 KB PNG good job >make just under 150k a year, not bad >work really hard to make more, always stay late and come in early >start business with friend >does pretty good >work 80 hours per week, about 200k a year, feel good but tired >go online during one of my weekly free hours >see some dumb c--- on onlyfans who didn't work for f------ anything posting "revealing" photos >she makes 150k a month >i hate women so f------ much sometimes
: Anonymous 02/27/21(Sat)00:49:57 No.848391767 >be me > 22, in college and working > struggling with education, but getting through it > making decent money, hope to make more in the future >skip ahead 5 years, graduated with CS degree and working at a 185 KB PNG good job >make just under 150k a year, not bad >work really hard to make more, always stay late and come in early >start business with friend >does pretty good >work 80 hours per week, about 200k a year, feel good but tired >go online during one of my weekly free hours >see some dumb c--- on onlyfans who didn't work for f------ anything posting "revealing" photos >she makes 150k a month >i hate women so f------ much sometimes

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Anon does online classes | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/26/21(Fri)13:26:50 No.62507636 roasties find the wall >online uni >40 something wine-aunt professor is rambling off about whatever >some chick had her camera on >apparently got knocked up and had a baby, she bounces it in her lap and talks to it etc 302 KB JPG >everything goes silent for a minute >she (teacher) has the evilest, hatred filled stare while looking at this woman and her baby >very clearly jealous was the degree worth it, roastie? ITT talk about roasties hitting the wall : Anonymous 02/26/21(Fri)13:29:31 No.62507672 >>62507636 (OP) # wish your professor would hit my wall, my wall being me and hit being a metaphor for having sex with.
: Anonymous 02/26/21(Fri)13:26:50 No.62507636 roasties find the wall >online uni >40 something wine-aunt professor is rambling off about whatever >some chick had her camera on >apparently got knocked up and had a baby, she bounces it in her lap and talks to it etc 302 KB JPG >everything goes silent for a minute >she (teacher) has the evilest, hatred filled stare while looking at this woman and her baby >very clearly jealous was the degree worth it, roastie? ITT talk about roasties hitting the wall : Anonymous 02/26/21(Fri)13:29:31 No.62507672 >>62507636 (OP) # wish your professor would hit my wall, my wall being me and hit being a metaphor for having sex with.

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Anon gets flustered | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 04/19/12(Thu)18:36 No.12169872 File: 1334874960.jpg-(6 KB, 154x132, 1328423311634.jpg) >be in school >hot girl in front of me >she drops her pencil >she bends down to pick it up >she's not wearing panties >turns around and looks at me >"like what you see?" >whole class goes "ooo000000oh" >palms are sweaty >knees weak, arms are heavy >it's falling out of my pockets already >mom's spaghetti
O Anonymous 04/19/12(Thu)18:36 No.12169872 File: 1334874960.jpg-(6 KB, 154x132, 1328423311634.jpg) >be in school >hot girl in front of me >she drops her pencil >she bends down to pick it up >she's not wearing panties >turns around and looks at me >"like what you see?" >whole class goes "ooo000000oh" >palms are sweaty >knees weak, arms are heavy >it's falling out of my pockets already >mom's spaghetti

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watch his milk | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/26/21(Fri)23:01:05 No.848384941 hey can you guys watch my milk for me, I gotta step out for a minute Anonymous 02/26/21(Fri)23:04:49 No.848385185 File: 2021-02-26.png (464 KB, 640x610) >>848385697 Anonymous 02/26/21(Fri)23:13:36 No.848385697 File: sade jpg (67 KB, 1024x962) >>848385185 y drink milk? he say watch it no drink pls
Anonymous 02/26/21(Fri)23:01:05 No.848384941 hey can you guys watch my milk for me, I gotta step out for a minute Anonymous 02/26/21(Fri)23:04:49 No.848385185 File: 2021-02-26.png (464 KB, 640x610) >>848385697 Anonymous 02/26/21(Fri)23:13:36 No.848385697 File: sade jpg (67 KB, 1024x962) >>848385185 y drink milk? he say watch it no drink pls

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Anon uses the handicap stall | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/26/21(Fri)23:14:38 No.848385770 /AUG - Autism General/ >be me this afternoon >taking a s--- in handicapped stall >finish, exit stall >middle aged man with crutches and a boot patiently waiting >panic >feel the need to say something 26 KB JPG >mfw the best thing I could think of was "seat's warm for ya, bud!" I can already feel this will bother me for the rest of my life
: Anonymous 02/26/21(Fri)23:14:38 No.848385770 /AUG - Autism General/ >be me this afternoon >taking a s--- in handicapped stall >finish, exit stall >middle aged man with crutches and a boot patiently waiting >panic >feel the need to say something 26 KB JPG >mfw the best thing I could think of was "seat's warm for ya, bud!" I can already feel this will bother me for the rest of my life

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Anon wants to buy cigarettes | /r/Greentext

>be me >go to variety store for pack of smokes >clerk won't sell cigarettes to some 25 year old kid >kid gets upset and starts screaming "suck my d---! suck my d---! suck my d---! suck my d---! suck my d---!" >I start to get upset >suddenly blurt out "IF YOU DON'T STOP WHINING I WILL TURN THIS CAR AROUND AND THERE WILL BE NO DISNEYLAND!!" >everyone in the store stares at me >kid says "what the f--- did you just f------ say to me bro?" >stand there and silently stare at him >He says "what? What? WHAT?" each 'what' getting angrier than the last one >continue staring at him uncomfortably >Kid says "who the f--- do you think you are to talk to me?" >I retardedly yell "I AM YOUR MOTHER AND YOU WILL EAT YOUR VEGETABLES" >everyone in store says 'w--' >continue staring at the kid >he says "dude l'll f------ fight you outside" >thinking quickly I respond "THEN WE SHALL DO BATTLE IN THE PIT OF VARNOTH FOR THE LOCKNAR TROPHY" >"What the f--- are you talking about?" >l buy my pack of smokes and go outside >He's not out there >get in my car and drive to work
>be me >go to variety store for pack of smokes >clerk won't sell cigarettes to some 25 year old kid >kid gets upset and starts screaming "suck my d---! suck my d---! suck my d---! suck my d---! suck my d---!" >I start to get upset >suddenly blurt out "IF YOU DON'T STOP WHINING I WILL TURN THIS CAR AROUND AND THERE WILL BE NO DISNEYLAND!!" >everyone in the store stares at me >kid says "what the f--- did you just f------ say to me bro?" >stand there and silently stare at him >He says "what? What? WHAT?" each 'what' getting angrier than the last one >continue staring at him uncomfortably >Kid says "who the f--- do you think you are to talk to me?" >I retardedly yell "I AM YOUR MOTHER AND YOU WILL EAT YOUR VEGETABLES" >everyone in store says 'w--' >continue staring at the kid >he says "dude l'll f------ fight you outside" >thinking quickly I respond "THEN WE SHALL DO BATTLE IN THE PIT OF VARNOTH FOR THE LOCKNAR TROPHY" >"What the f--- are you talking about?" >l buy my pack of smokes and go outside >He's not out there >get in my car and drive to work

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