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Anon paints a picture of a soyboy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Isoy/ 02/28/21(Sun)01:49:05 No.62527812 imagine. this is your life. >you think trump was the root of all problems in the world >you think george bush and obama are decent people 24 KB JPG >you just had a top comment in r/politics >your reddit karma is skyrocketing >you watch reruns of the big bang theory til you fall asleep >your wife is obsessed with disney and feminism, and wants nothing to do with cleaning your condo >you ask your wife how she would feel about having sex with other men while you watch >you go to the barcade with your other millennial frens and drink IPAS >you are about to get a vasectomy so that you could focus full time on video games and your furbabies >you apologize to POC for being white, they look at you strangely but you know it's for the greater good >you haven't been to the gym since early college and eat processed foods and drink onions >you blocked your family on facebook and called them KKK members after they made a joke about you not supporting trump >life has never been better. Post greentexts about similar people. This isn't one specific person, but an amalgamation of ones ik irl. F------ California i stg
: Anonymous Isoy/ 02/28/21(Sun)01:49:05 No.62527812 imagine. this is your life. >you think trump was the root of all problems in the world >you think george bush and obama are decent people 24 KB JPG >you just had a top comment in r/politics >your reddit karma is skyrocketing >you watch reruns of the big bang theory til you fall asleep >your wife is obsessed with disney and feminism, and wants nothing to do with cleaning your condo >you ask your wife how she would feel about having sex with other men while you watch >you go to the barcade with your other millennial frens and drink IPAS >you are about to get a vasectomy so that you could focus full time on video games and your furbabies >you apologize to POC for being white, they look at you strangely but you know it's for the greater good >you haven't been to the gym since early college and eat processed foods and drink onions >you blocked your family on facebook and called them KKK members after they made a joke about you not supporting trump >life has never been better. Post greentexts about similar people. This isn't one specific person, but an amalgamation of ones ik irl. F------ California i stg

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Anon encounters racial diversity | /r/Greentext

What is the most interesting monster/paranormal thing in North America? Pepe Busters 43 KB JPG 20 Replies / 3 Images View Thread : Anonymous 02/28/21(Sun)03:08:22 No.27787287 >>27786028 (OP) # n------ obviously
What is the most interesting monster/paranormal thing in North America? Pepe Busters 43 KB JPG 20 Replies / 3 Images View Thread : Anonymous 02/28/21(Sun)03:08:22 No.27787287 >>27786028 (OP) # n------ obviously

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Anon sperged out | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/28/21(Sun)21:50:41 No.62534898 Pleose be >be me patient I have >just got my first serious job >been a McDonald's employee for years before that >someone calls our office, I pick up the phone >autism.exe 42 KB JPG >"thanks for choosing McDonald's, how may I help you today?" >confused silence on the other end of the line >confused silence in my office, everyone who heard it is staring at me I can never return to this job
: Anonymous 02/28/21(Sun)21:50:41 No.62534898 Pleose be >be me patient I have >just got my first serious job >been a McDonald's employee for years before that >someone calls our office, I pick up the phone >autism.exe 42 KB JPG >"thanks for choosing McDonald's, how may I help you today?" >confused silence on the other end of the line >confused silence in my office, everyone who heard it is staring at me I can never return to this job

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Anon comes to a realization | /r/Greentext

>the one girl who was always really nice to me in HS is now studying in uni to professionally take care of autists Hmmm 6 KB JPG 1 Reply / 1 Image View Thread
>the one girl who was always really nice to me in HS is now studying in uni to professionally take care of autists Hmmm 6 KB JPG 1 Reply / 1 Image View Thread

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Better to be alone than in bad company | /r/Greentext

File: fb_frog_says_why.jpg (101 KB, 1024x904) Anonymous 02/28/21(Sun)05:35:43 No.62533131 >>62533144 >>62533175 >>62533217 >>62533262 >>62533362 >>62533396 >>62533428 >>62533549 >>62533615 >chick says she's lonely >offer to have sex with her for free >she says no any robots relate? Anonymous 02/28/21(Sun)05:41:41 No.62533168 >>62533177 >Girl says she really wants some tea >Offer her a slice of pizza >She says no >> W--
File: fb_frog_says_why.jpg (101 KB, 1024x904) Anonymous 02/28/21(Sun)05:35:43 No.62533131 >>62533144 >>62533175 >>62533217 >>62533262 >>62533362 >>62533396 >>62533428 >>62533549 >>62533615 >chick says she's lonely >offer to have sex with her for free >she says no any robots relate? Anonymous 02/28/21(Sun)05:41:41 No.62533168 >>62533177 >Girl says she really wants some tea >Offer her a slice of pizza >She says no >> W--

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Anon trys meth | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/28/21(Sun)08:03:51 No.62533689 >be me >watch breaking bad for the first time >decide to try meth because they make it look and sound too delicious >get addicted >lose friends, family, gf, basicallt everything i cared for Is there any way i could sue the producers 8 KB JPG of the show for getting me addicted to meth? : Anonymous 02/28/21(Sun)08:06:43 No.62533712 >>62533689 (OP) # >>get addicted Lmao you stupid f---. 1st rule of meth use: don't get addicted >>62533759 # : Anonymous 02/28/21(Sun)08:07:18 No.62533716 >>62533689 (OP) # >decide to try meth lol you f------ idiot
: Anonymous 02/28/21(Sun)08:03:51 No.62533689 >be me >watch breaking bad for the first time >decide to try meth because they make it look and sound too delicious >get addicted >lose friends, family, gf, basicallt everything i cared for Is there any way i could sue the producers 8 KB JPG of the show for getting me addicted to meth? : Anonymous 02/28/21(Sun)08:06:43 No.62533712 >>62533689 (OP) # >>get addicted Lmao you stupid f---. 1st rule of meth use: don't get addicted >>62533759 # : Anonymous 02/28/21(Sun)08:07:18 No.62533716 >>62533689 (OP) # >decide to try meth lol you f------ idiot

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Anon isn't capitalist | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/11/18(Sun)09:54:36 No.784590657 >Be we. 11 KB PNG
: Anonymous 11/11/18(Sun)09:54:36 No.784590657 >Be we. 11 KB PNG

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Anon is an autistic boytoy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/28/21(Sun)04:16:58 No.848429934 Not f----- up or anything but I keep this a secret mostly > Be me, 22yo dorky IT student > Somehow in a relationship with a 46yo woman. She was a semi-famous fashion designer. > One night she gets invited to a fetish clothing event and decides to bring me along > She mostly did normal clothes but had some leather and latex stuff as well > Around that time I had just started playing tabletop rpgs >I had an obsession with Vampire the Masquerade, read a lot of the rule books, lore books and beat Bloodlines with every character, several times with Tremere and Malkavian even > The night comes, autism kicks in and I f------ larped the entire event as my Brujah character from the campaign I was playing at the time > In context: I was a 22yo vampire larper surrounded with 40yo+ leather and latex fetishists laughing their asses off at my cringy s--- > 10/10 would do again, had a blast > We broke up a little bit after that but for unrelated reasons, she actually had a blast laughing at me with her friends, which I was totally cool with
: Anonymous 02/28/21(Sun)04:16:58 No.848429934 Not f----- up or anything but I keep this a secret mostly > Be me, 22yo dorky IT student > Somehow in a relationship with a 46yo woman. She was a semi-famous fashion designer. > One night she gets invited to a fetish clothing event and decides to bring me along > She mostly did normal clothes but had some leather and latex stuff as well > Around that time I had just started playing tabletop rpgs >I had an obsession with Vampire the Masquerade, read a lot of the rule books, lore books and beat Bloodlines with every character, several times with Tremere and Malkavian even > The night comes, autism kicks in and I f------ larped the entire event as my Brujah character from the campaign I was playing at the time > In context: I was a 22yo vampire larper surrounded with 40yo+ leather and latex fetishists laughing their asses off at my cringy s--- > 10/10 would do again, had a blast > We broke up a little bit after that but for unrelated reasons, she actually had a blast laughing at me with her friends, which I was totally cool with

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Picture perfect | /r/Greentext

Ir9k/ Anonymous 02/28/21(Sun)01:27:54 No.62529164 >mfw all my coworkers at my age are married with kids >Mfw I am 30 and never even kissed a girl >Have to lie and pretend I'm a father of 3 to my coworkers >Made a photoshopped picture in a 28 KB PNG frame of me and my "family" and put in my office
Ir9k/ Anonymous 02/28/21(Sun)01:27:54 No.62529164 >mfw all my coworkers at my age are married with kids >Mfw I am 30 and never even kissed a girl >Have to lie and pretend I'm a father of 3 to my coworkers >Made a photoshopped picture in a 28 KB PNG frame of me and my "family" and put in my office

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Anon pops plastic bags | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: PDKJ+xoC 08/21/18(Tue)17:44:22 No.6237711 >be me >order some s--- on amazon >three days later, package arrives O >take stuff out >find those plastic little bags of air, like 30 of them >idea.png >start popping them outside 16 KB JPG >loud af, sounds like gunshots >even better idea, start screaming and begging for help while popping at the same time >do this for 10 minutes >finally go back in laughing my ass off >20 minutes later, hear sirens outside and commotion >hear someone through a loudspeaker saying "we know you're in there, come out with your hands up!" >refuse to come out scared shitless How badly did f--- up, lads?
: Anonymous (ID: PDKJ+xoC 08/21/18(Tue)17:44:22 No.6237711 >be me >order some s--- on amazon >three days later, package arrives O >take stuff out >find those plastic little bags of air, like 30 of them >idea.png >start popping them outside 16 KB JPG >loud af, sounds like gunshots >even better idea, start screaming and begging for help while popping at the same time >do this for 10 minutes >finally go back in laughing my ass off >20 minutes later, hear sirens outside and commotion >hear someone through a loudspeaker saying "we know you're in there, come out with your hands up!" >refuse to come out scared shitless How badly did f--- up, lads?

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Anon experiences affection | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/23/21(Tue)13:13:11 No.62463016 >Be me >talk to girl >she likes me >she is very clear about this >never experienced this type of dynamic before >great person to talk to and is 50 KB JPG appreciate of me for being myself with her How the fu- This s--- still feels like I'm dreaming bros. But I think I've made it. I'm in absolute disbelief I'm even experiencing this. How do I cope with this sudden flood of warmth and affection?
: Anonymous 02/23/21(Tue)13:13:11 No.62463016 >Be me >talk to girl >she likes me >she is very clear about this >never experienced this type of dynamic before >great person to talk to and is 50 KB JPG appreciate of me for being myself with her How the fu- This s--- still feels like I'm dreaming bros. But I think I've made it. I'm in absolute disbelief I'm even experiencing this. How do I cope with this sudden flood of warmth and affection?

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Anon buys a new RPG | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/28/21(Sun)00:38:32 No.546220407 >buy indie RPG on steam >download and launch it >create character >get quest from NPC >'slay the local bandit leader and bring his head back as proof' >do the deed 68 KB JPG >give bandit Ileader head to NPC >NPC pulls down pants and starts skullfucking bandit leader >NPC c--- >he looks at head >'thanks for the head, head' >gives me quest reward >uninstall game >mfw
: Anonymous 02/28/21(Sun)00:38:32 No.546220407 >buy indie RPG on steam >download and launch it >create character >get quest from NPC >'slay the local bandit leader and bring his head back as proof' >do the deed 68 KB JPG >give bandit Ileader head to NPC >NPC pulls down pants and starts skullfucking bandit leader >NPC c--- >he looks at head >'thanks for the head, head' >gives me quest reward >uninstall game >mfw

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Anon's sister plays Skyrim | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/18/17(Tue)01:27:45 No.374220468 >>374220802 >>374220805 >>374220826 >>374224858 >>374225043 >>374225148 >>374225542 >>374225620 >have 13 year old sister >she's a stacy level normalfag >only game she plays is Skyrim >never see her play because of work >assume she has an OP level 80 character >today >at home because my work contract expired last week >she comes into my room and asks if she can play >load the game up for her >look through her character sheet and inventory >notice her character is s--- >level 6 with a a basic steel sword >her only good skill is sneak >also notice her inventory is filled with generic clothes, rings and necklaces >she hasn't even started the main quest >the only thing of note is that her character is a vampire >ask her w-- she's been doing this entire time >doesn't respond, looks through her book bag instead >pulls out her laptop >opens a word document >ok anon, name a city in skyrim >uh, Riverwood >anon, that's not a city, but okay. >she fast travels into Riverwood >first NPC she runs into is Sigrid >she'll make a nice target >what? >this is what I do anon, I kill people in this game >for the next 2 hours she stalks Sigrid from the shadows >she's constantly typing notes in her laptop. >She writes down where Sigrid is at a given time, she writes down who she talks to, what she talks about, and what chores she does >eventually she predicts a time and location where Sigrid will be isolated >tells me ever other day at dawn Sigrid treks to the village outskirts to collect water >her schedule for collecting water happens to overlap with a guard change so Sigrid will be alone >Sigrid shows up as expected >sister sneaks up behind her, waits an agonizing minute, and then kills her >loots Sigrid and takes her cloak >dumps Šigrid's corpse into the river >watch as Sigrid's body floats away >mfw I realize those generic garments and jewelery pieces in her inventory are mementos of her victims Jesus Christ, what the f---? Is my little sister going to be a serial killer when she grows up?
Anonymous 04/18/17(Tue)01:27:45 No.374220468 >>374220802 >>374220805 >>374220826 >>374224858 >>374225043 >>374225148 >>374225542 >>374225620 >have 13 year old sister >she's a stacy level normalfag >only game she plays is Skyrim >never see her play because of work >assume she has an OP level 80 character >today >at home because my work contract expired last week >she comes into my room and asks if she can play >load the game up for her >look through her character sheet and inventory >notice her character is s--- >level 6 with a a basic steel sword >her only good skill is sneak >also notice her inventory is filled with generic clothes, rings and necklaces >she hasn't even started the main quest >the only thing of note is that her character is a vampire >ask her w-- she's been doing this entire time >doesn't respond, looks through her book bag instead >pulls out her laptop >opens a word document >ok anon, name a city in skyrim >uh, Riverwood >anon, that's not a city, but okay. >she fast travels into Riverwood >first NPC she runs into is Sigrid >she'll make a nice target >what? >this is what I do anon, I kill people in this game >for the next 2 hours she stalks Sigrid from the shadows >she's constantly typing notes in her laptop. >She writes down where Sigrid is at a given time, she writes down who she talks to, what she talks about, and what chores she does >eventually she predicts a time and location where Sigrid will be isolated >tells me ever other day at dawn Sigrid treks to the village outskirts to collect water >her schedule for collecting water happens to overlap with a guard change so Sigrid will be alone >Sigrid shows up as expected >sister sneaks up behind her, waits an agonizing minute, and then kills her >loots Sigrid and takes her cloak >dumps Šigrid's corpse into the river >watch as Sigrid's body floats away >mfw I realize those generic garments and jewelery pieces in her inventory are mementos of her victims Jesus Christ, what the f---? Is my little sister going to be a serial killer when she grows up?

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We were going to build our lives together | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/25/16(Tue)20:11:08 No.75697195 hqdefault_0.jpg 11 KB JPG >oh, you're sad because a girl at your high-school doesn't like you back? Peter, when I was your age, I left school to bullseye g---- from a helicopter in the middle of some god forsaken jungle. Don't tell me you have it hard because you're a pathetic kissless virgin. You can act sad when you have to leave behind the lady-boy you fell in love with and made passionate steamy love to in a collapsing bamboo shack, just like I did. You think I felt good about firebombing his chink village and watching our f----hut burn to the ground? We were going to build our lives together there, Peter! You know what? F--- you. Get the f--- out of my car. >>75697234 # >>75697332 # >>75698895 # >>75702735 #
: Anonymous 10/25/16(Tue)20:11:08 No.75697195 hqdefault_0.jpg 11 KB JPG >oh, you're sad because a girl at your high-school doesn't like you back? Peter, when I was your age, I left school to bullseye g---- from a helicopter in the middle of some god forsaken jungle. Don't tell me you have it hard because you're a pathetic kissless virgin. You can act sad when you have to leave behind the lady-boy you fell in love with and made passionate steamy love to in a collapsing bamboo shack, just like I did. You think I felt good about firebombing his chink village and watching our f----hut burn to the ground? We were going to build our lives together there, Peter! You know what? F--- you. Get the f--- out of my car. >>75697234 # >>75697332 # >>75698895 # >>75702735 #

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Anon isn't gay | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/06/17(Thu)14:25:28 No.738045411 >all the boy p---- threads finally get to me >feel compelled to vist a t----- prostitute >find one that isn't full t----- but more trap-like >white, 5'4, flat t---, cute face etc 289 KB PNG >immediately notice how much bigger d--- is than mine >she calls my d--- "cute" and says it's "just right" >when we 69 I can't stop thinking about all those trolls who say traps are gay >with a d--- in my mouth twice the size of mine, suddenly these accusations seem legitimate >she stops and ask if I want to change positions >l just lay there with a d--- in my mouth as tears slowly gather in the corners of my eyes >break down and ask her if she thinks I'm gay >she spends the next 20 minutes comforting me and making me feel better >come home having sucked a d--- without even getting off >l've never felt like such a beta f----- in my entire life
: Anonymous 07/06/17(Thu)14:25:28 No.738045411 >all the boy p---- threads finally get to me >feel compelled to vist a t----- prostitute >find one that isn't full t----- but more trap-like >white, 5'4, flat t---, cute face etc 289 KB PNG >immediately notice how much bigger d--- is than mine >she calls my d--- "cute" and says it's "just right" >when we 69 I can't stop thinking about all those trolls who say traps are gay >with a d--- in my mouth twice the size of mine, suddenly these accusations seem legitimate >she stops and ask if I want to change positions >l just lay there with a d--- in my mouth as tears slowly gather in the corners of my eyes >break down and ask her if she thinks I'm gay >she spends the next 20 minutes comforting me and making me feel better >come home having sucked a d--- without even getting off >l've never felt like such a beta f----- in my entire life

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Anon's neighbor is a florist | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 45657137 1 perccel ezelőtt •.. Anon Does Drug Bust >Be me, 14 at the time >Lights constantly flickering and PC randomly turning off >Call up electricity company >They supposedly fix the problem >It still happens >Mum jokes that the neighbour is probably growing cannabis and is tapping into our electricity supply >Neighbour has a big shed >I decide to climb over his fence and take a look inside >somuchweed.png >I take pictures with my phone >Come back home and tell my mummy >I call 101 (Non-emergency line) >Woman thinks I'm lying >Next day the police smash down his door and take all his weed away >He goes to jail and his kid gets taken away That's what you get for messing with my Minecraft experience. 155,5 kB PNG REPLY
Anonymous | 45657137 1 perccel ezelőtt •.. Anon Does Drug Bust >Be me, 14 at the time >Lights constantly flickering and PC randomly turning off >Call up electricity company >They supposedly fix the problem >It still happens >Mum jokes that the neighbour is probably growing cannabis and is tapping into our electricity supply >Neighbour has a big shed >I decide to climb over his fence and take a look inside >somuchweed.png >I take pictures with my phone >Come back home and tell my mummy >I call 101 (Non-emergency line) >Woman thinks I'm lying >Next day the police smash down his door and take all his weed away >He goes to jail and his kid gets taken away That's what you get for messing with my Minecraft experience. 155,5 kB PNG REPLY

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Skunk monkey | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Cryptids that make u kek 02/27/21(Sat)13:29:40 No.27782245 46D6FCE3-BDF7-4975-8310-00EA793A20FC.jpg 34 KB JPG Skunk monkey
: Anonymous Cryptids that make u kek 02/27/21(Sat)13:29:40 No.27782245 46D6FCE3-BDF7-4975-8310-00EA793A20FC.jpg 34 KB JPG Skunk monkey

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Anon has an idea | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/27/21(Sat)04:20:06 No.848396859 "i can't sleep eddy, i keep thinking-" 11 CN Why do transgenders want us to accept them if they don't even accept themselves 1571247131073.jpg 60 KB JPG >be me >be on a toilet >start thinking about trannies >get an idea to prove them that they believe in bs It's 10 am right now. If I would change the time on my phone to 11 am, would that mean that it's 11 am now? If not, how does make cutting your d--- off change your gender?
: Anonymous 02/27/21(Sat)04:20:06 No.848396859 "i can't sleep eddy, i keep thinking-" 11 CN Why do transgenders want us to accept them if they don't even accept themselves 1571247131073.jpg 60 KB JPG >be me >be on a toilet >start thinking about trannies >get an idea to prove them that they believe in bs It's 10 am right now. If I would change the time on my phone to 11 am, would that mean that it's 11 am now? If not, how does make cutting your d--- off change your gender?

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Anon covers his tracks | /r/Greentext

File: 1369239681396.jpg-(8 KB, 260x194, images.jpg) Anonymous (ID: VOnu3N62) 05/22/13(Wed)12:21:21 No.481867907 Happened to me last night : >be 20 >last night, at about 1am >bored, decide to text my fuckbuddy >send to her a picture of my d--- >accidentaly send it to my parents >ohgodwhathaveidone.png >parents live at about 200km (120 miles, f------) from me >l presume they are asleep >take my car >drive like crazy >3am >arrive to my parents house >introduce in the house like a thief >they always let their phone on the living room table >grab the phone >delete the picture >leave slowly the house I came back to my place at 5am, my parents knew nothing about that. >everythingwentbetterthanexpected.jpg
File: 1369239681396.jpg-(8 KB, 260x194, images.jpg) Anonymous (ID: VOnu3N62) 05/22/13(Wed)12:21:21 No.481867907 Happened to me last night : >be 20 >last night, at about 1am >bored, decide to text my fuckbuddy >send to her a picture of my d--- >accidentaly send it to my parents >ohgodwhathaveidone.png >parents live at about 200km (120 miles, f------) from me >l presume they are asleep >take my car >drive like crazy >3am >arrive to my parents house >introduce in the house like a thief >they always let their phone on the living room table >grab the phone >delete the picture >leave slowly the house I came back to my place at 5am, my parents knew nothing about that. >everythingwentbetterthanexpected.jpg

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Anon is flabbergasted | /r/Greentext

family feud time bois Anonymous 07/30/19(Tue)20:52:26 No.118860471 >>118860921 >Steve Harvey: "We asked 100 people, what is the male reproductive organ?" >Contestant: "The penis" >SH: "A WUH... HUH??" >audience erupts into laughter >Steve Harvey grabs onto podium to support himself >laughter gets even louder >SH: "O lordy..." >one man goes into cardiac arrest and many others begin vomiting profusely from laughing too hard >SH: "YOU PEOPLE NEED HELP" >the Earth shatters and Satan rises from the underworld to claim unworthy souls >the universe begins rapidly closing in on itself >SH: (putting on a weary voice) "Survey says.." >the board shows 100 for "penis" >Harvey is able to get off one more shocked look before existence as we know it comes to an end
family feud time bois Anonymous 07/30/19(Tue)20:52:26 No.118860471 >>118860921 >Steve Harvey: "We asked 100 people, what is the male reproductive organ?" >Contestant: "The penis" >SH: "A WUH... HUH??" >audience erupts into laughter >Steve Harvey grabs onto podium to support himself >laughter gets even louder >SH: "O lordy..." >one man goes into cardiac arrest and many others begin vomiting profusely from laughing too hard >SH: "YOU PEOPLE NEED HELP" >the Earth shatters and Satan rises from the underworld to claim unworthy souls >the universe begins rapidly closing in on itself >SH: (putting on a weary voice) "Survey says.." >the board shows 100 for "penis" >Harvey is able to get off one more shocked look before existence as we know it comes to an end

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