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Anon dodges a bullet | /r/Greentext

>Be me >lives in one of the s-------- third world countries,Myanmar >military has seized power and committing a lot of atrocities >troopspatrollingthestreets.jpg| >last night on the balcony playing guitar and chilling 858 KB PNG >noticed the light coming from the torch >maybe the night protest that everyone is talking about >decided to take a video to post on social media >they were infamous patrol troops with "shoot first" mindset >ohshit.jpg >autism kicks in >decided to keep taking video when a beam of light suddenly fell upon my face >they F----- spotted me >shouting.wav >gunloadingsound.wav >mfw hid behind the curtain >still shouting at me >rapidheartbeat.wav >father came in and turn off the balcony lights >a short while later they left >almost died to middle-school dropouts

>Be me >lives in one of the s-------- third world countries,Myanmar >military has seized power and committing a lot of atrocities >troopspatrollingthestreets.jpg| >last night on the balcony playing guitar and chilling 858 KB PNG >noticed the light coming from the torch >maybe the night protest that everyone is talking about >decided to take a video to post on social media >they were infamous patrol troops with "shoot first" mindset >ohshit.jpg >autism kicks in >decided to keep taking video when a beam of light suddenly fell upon my face >they F----- spotted me >shouting.wav >gunloadingsound.wav >mfw hid behind the curtain >still shouting at me >rapidheartbeat.wav >father came in and turn off the balcony lights >a short while later they left >almost died to middle-school dropouts

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Anon is confused of his heterosexuality | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Am I still straight? 03/12/21(Fri)11:27:33 No.19487820 >be me, last week >23 year old kissless virgin >super horny >literally rejected by every girl on tinder >Brightldea.jpeg >download Grindr >plan on slamming a transgirl, maybe their standards are lower 66 КВ ЈPG >plan works almost immediately >meet cute Filipino transgirl >have time of my life >be me yesterday >she says she wants to top today >heterosexuality flashes before my eyes >too nervous to say no I ended up enjoying it more than anything I've ever done in my life but I can't look at anyone in the eye. I want to go back to being a kissless virgin. Am I gay?

: Anonymous Am I still straight? 03/12/21(Fri)11:27:33 No.19487820 >be me, last week >23 year old kissless virgin >super horny >literally rejected by every girl on tinder >Brightldea.jpeg >download Grindr >plan on slamming a transgirl, maybe their standards are lower 66 КВ ЈPG >plan works almost immediately >meet cute Filipino transgirl >have time of my life >be me yesterday >she says she wants to top today >heterosexuality flashes before my eyes >too nervous to say no I ended up enjoying it more than anything I've ever done in my life but I can't look at anyone in the eye. I want to go back to being a kissless virgin. Am I gay?

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Femanon talks to a giga chad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/12/21(Fri)13:51:20 No.62719098 >me, femcel >talking to giga chad >perfect body and face >we promise each other not to save each other's nudes/pics or share with anyone >I lied 160 KB JPG >saved his nudes >saved a ton of the videos he sent me >he has great abs and pecs and he sent me a full body nude video with music playing in the background and makes tik tok-esque videos for me >show my friends his perfect body through screenshare so I could brag that he's talking to me >pretty sure he respected my privacy but I didn't respect his who here /d evilis h/? 26 Replies / 6 Images View Thread : Anonymous 03/12/21(Fri)14:37:59 No.62719511 >>62719098 (OP) # >chad >sends nudes to people over internet this is very not chad tho : Anonymous 03/12/21(Fri)14:43:11 No.62719567 >>62719098 (OP) # You're a niggerdyke. Respect privacy, that is the one thing every m----------- on this site should've drilled into you now. Please neck yourself.

: Anonymous 03/12/21(Fri)13:51:20 No.62719098 >me, femcel >talking to giga chad >perfect body and face >we promise each other not to save each other's nudes/pics or share with anyone >I lied 160 KB JPG >saved his nudes >saved a ton of the videos he sent me >he has great abs and pecs and he sent me a full body nude video with music playing in the background and makes tik tok-esque videos for me >show my friends his perfect body through screenshare so I could brag that he's talking to me >pretty sure he respected my privacy but I didn't respect his who here /d evilis h/? 26 Replies / 6 Images View Thread : Anonymous 03/12/21(Fri)14:37:59 No.62719511 >>62719098 (OP) # >chad >sends nudes to people over internet this is very not chad tho : Anonymous 03/12/21(Fri)14:43:11 No.62719567 >>62719098 (OP) # You're a niggerdyke. Respect privacy, that is the one thing every m----------- on this site should've drilled into you now. Please neck yourself.

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Anon doesnt like Gen Z | /r/Greentext

>be me >20 year old zoomer >supersingle >try to talk to fellow zoomer girl >hello >THATS KINDA SUS 16 KB JPG >КРОР >ΤΙΚΤΟΚ >LOL I LOVE MEMES IM SO QUIRKY why are they like this

>be me >20 year old zoomer >supersingle >try to talk to fellow zoomer girl >hello >THATS KINDA SUS 16 KB JPG >КРОР >ΤΙΚΤΟΚ >LOL I LOVE MEMES IM SO QUIRKY why are they like this

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Anon defends his home | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/08/21(Mon)22:30:12 No.48572230 File: 1609618776033.jpg (18 KB, 307x309) >>48572239 >>48576211 >>48576254 >>48577276 >>48587006 >>48572028 >hear crashing downstairs >jump out of bed and grab axe >sound of... heavy footsteps? >sneak down the stairs >look into living room >there's a f------ horse there >big mongolian dude on the back >he f------ shoots you with a bow >die

Anonymous 03/08/21(Mon)22:30:12 No.48572230 File: 1609618776033.jpg (18 KB, 307x309) >>48572239 >>48576211 >>48576254 >>48577276 >>48587006 >>48572028 >hear crashing downstairs >jump out of bed and grab axe >sound of... heavy footsteps? >sneak down the stairs >look into living room >there's a f------ horse there >big mongolian dude on the back >he f------ shoots you with a bow >die

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Anon makes his dad proud | /r/Greentext

File: prouddad.png (9 KB, 439x361) Anonymous 03/12/21(Fri)21:45:35 No.849456550 >find a hot local thottie >gonna f-- at my family home >mid session dad walks in ohshitohgod.mp3 >dad says "thank god you aren't gay" >closes door didn't get to nut but my dad is proud

File: prouddad.png (9 KB, 439x361) Anonymous 03/12/21(Fri)21:45:35 No.849456550 >find a hot local thottie >gonna f-- at my family home >mid session dad walks in ohshitohgod.mp3 >dad says "thank god you aren't gay" >closes door didn't get to nut but my dad is proud

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Anon is all of us | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/12/21(Fri)22:00:09 No.849461562 >tell myself I should learn new skill >start practicing >stop >year passeS >think to myself “damn l'd probably be pretty good at <skill> if I stuck 1.37 MB PNG with it >repeat x100

: Anonymous 03/12/21(Fri)22:00:09 No.849461562 >tell myself I should learn new skill >start practicing >stop >year passeS >think to myself “damn l'd probably be pretty good at <skill> if I stuck 1.37 MB PNG with it >repeat x100

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Anon protects his swamp | /r/Greentext

File: preke jpg (43 KB, 1280x720) Anonymous 04/04/18(Wed)00:04:46 No.37425000 >2013 >finally saved up enough to purchase a shotgun >keep it by my bed 24/7 in case of intruder >fast forward to 2014, when shrek memes were at their height >have allstar as my alarm because autist >wake up at 1 AM one night because i hear something in the living room >sounds like someone talking >thisisit.onion >do the only thingi can do >load up my alarm and play it at full blast through my bluetooth system >"someBODY ONCE TOLD ME" >grab my shotgun and rush downstairs and see two guys with my tv >scream the first thing that comes to mind >"WHAT ARE YE DOIN' IN MY SWAMP!?" >these men have just been confronted by a naked overweight man with a shotgun and a shrek quote >they immediately drop the tv and run out the front door >chase after them as "the years start coming and they don't stop coming." blares throughout the household >continue to pursue them down the block until they f--- off into a van >mfw the series of robberies in the neighbourhood stops after this >swamp status: secured

File: preke jpg (43 KB, 1280x720) Anonymous 04/04/18(Wed)00:04:46 No.37425000 >2013 >finally saved up enough to purchase a shotgun >keep it by my bed 24/7 in case of intruder >fast forward to 2014, when shrek memes were at their height >have allstar as my alarm because autist >wake up at 1 AM one night because i hear something in the living room >sounds like someone talking >thisisit.onion >do the only thingi can do >load up my alarm and play it at full blast through my bluetooth system >"someBODY ONCE TOLD ME" >grab my shotgun and rush downstairs and see two guys with my tv >scream the first thing that comes to mind >"WHAT ARE YE DOIN' IN MY SWAMP!?" >these men have just been confronted by a naked overweight man with a shotgun and a shrek quote >they immediately drop the tv and run out the front door >chase after them as "the years start coming and they don't stop coming." blares throughout the household >continue to pursue them down the block until they f--- off into a van >mfw the series of robberies in the neighbourhood stops after this >swamp status: secured

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Anon hooks up with a girl | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/12/21(Fri)20:46:31 No.849452272 >be me >f------ a girl >someone knocks on door >internal panick and blurt out "were in the middle of pound town!" >she instantly jumps off me, gets dressed and leaves 264 KB JPG Why am I like this?

: Anonymous 03/12/21(Fri)20:46:31 No.849452272 >be me >f------ a girl >someone knocks on door >internal panick and blurt out "were in the middle of pound town!" >she instantly jumps off me, gets dressed and leaves 264 KB JPG Why am I like this?

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Anon goes gay | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/12/21(Fri)08:20:16 No.849364324 >be me >Fart in public >gets stared at >shame.png >become gay >f--- wit dudes 55 KB JPG >ass becomes loose >very loose >like a gaping cave >ass so wide fart just exits out like a breeze >never fart loudly in public again

: Anonymous 03/12/21(Fri)08:20:16 No.849364324 >be me >Fart in public >gets stared at >shame.png >become gay >f--- wit dudes 55 KB JPG >ass becomes loose >very loose >like a gaping cave >ass so wide fart just exits out like a breeze >never fart loudly in public again

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Anon visits Korea | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 11/28/15(Sat)18:46:02 No.24598450 >>24599107 >>24599115 >>24599436 >>24599523 >went to Korean Baptist church this weekend >this is brilliant i'll meet all the kqts and we'll fall in love >this is the greatest idea i've had since yellow fever >patting myself on the back, roll in the door with a huge s----eating grin >kgf2k15 here i come! >nobody wants to sit next to me >shrug it off "Those Asian types are normally shy" >after service looking around for kqts to prey on >pastor walks up to me >"I'm glad you come son you very sick." >think he's joking, laugh awkwardly >he puts a hand on my shoulder asks if he can pray for me >inform him i'm not, in fact, sick and perfectly healthy >"Son our body is temple. You must be sick because your body looks like only junk has entered its doors." >stare on puzzled >he starts praying "Almighty God please help your servant to diet and respect his body." >finally dawns on me he's calling me fat >run out of the church crying and i haven't been back since. f--- the Korean people.

O Anonymous 11/28/15(Sat)18:46:02 No.24598450 >>24599107 >>24599115 >>24599436 >>24599523 >went to Korean Baptist church this weekend >this is brilliant i'll meet all the kqts and we'll fall in love >this is the greatest idea i've had since yellow fever >patting myself on the back, roll in the door with a huge s----eating grin >kgf2k15 here i come! >nobody wants to sit next to me >shrug it off "Those Asian types are normally shy" >after service looking around for kqts to prey on >pastor walks up to me >"I'm glad you come son you very sick." >think he's joking, laugh awkwardly >he puts a hand on my shoulder asks if he can pray for me >inform him i'm not, in fact, sick and perfectly healthy >"Son our body is temple. You must be sick because your body looks like only junk has entered its doors." >stare on puzzled >he starts praying "Almighty God please help your servant to diet and respect his body." >finally dawns on me he's calling me fat >run out of the church crying and i haven't been back since. f--- the Korean people.

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Anon doesn't like Biden | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/12/21(Fri)18:03:15 No.849412024 >no $15 minimum wage >no student debt relief >no UBI during pandemic >no medicare for all >bombs syria >puts f------ kids in cages Never voting Blue no matter who ever again. IT'S OVER 81 KB JPG

: Anonymous 03/12/21(Fri)18:03:15 No.849412024 >no $15 minimum wage >no student debt relief >no UBI during pandemic >no medicare for all >bombs syria >puts f------ kids in cages Never voting Blue no matter who ever again. IT'S OVER 81 KB JPG

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Anon browses through somebodies porn account | /r/Greentext

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Anon owns a tornado shelter | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/28/21(Sun)15:06:30 No.848510192 Dream analysis thread? >Tornado raging through town >I own the only tornado shelter in town >Ask crush if she wants to come 746 KB PNG inside shelter >"Nah I'm good" >Gets sucked up by tornado and dies. What does this mean? 2 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 02/28/21(Sun)15:08:04 No.848510279 deep-state running psych experiments on you : Anonymous 02/28/21(Sun)15:09:58 No.848510377 >>848510192 (OP) # someone would rather die than be with you?

: Anonymous 02/28/21(Sun)15:06:30 No.848510192 Dream analysis thread? >Tornado raging through town >I own the only tornado shelter in town >Ask crush if she wants to come 746 KB PNG inside shelter >"Nah I'm good" >Gets sucked up by tornado and dies. What does this mean? 2 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 02/28/21(Sun)15:08:04 No.848510279 deep-state running psych experiments on you : Anonymous 02/28/21(Sun)15:09:58 No.848510377 >>848510192 (OP) # someone would rather die than be with you?

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Anon has a minor inconvenience | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/07/21(Sun)22:04:31 No.849038143 i swear to god i am f------ autistic or something. >be me, have a pretty hot girlfriend >use snapchat a lot with her, she's basically the only person i snap >send her a picture of myself with a boarder of black hearts >turns out i accidentally sent it to a friend i 49 KB PNG hadn't talked to in 2 years >mfw 6 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 03/07/21(Sun)22:27:53 No.849039650 >>849038143 (OP) # >minor inconvenience >9UYS I Am AUTISTIC bro, shut the f--- up. 78 KB JPG

: Anonymous 03/07/21(Sun)22:04:31 No.849038143 i swear to god i am f------ autistic or something. >be me, have a pretty hot girlfriend >use snapchat a lot with her, she's basically the only person i snap >send her a picture of myself with a boarder of black hearts >turns out i accidentally sent it to a friend i 49 KB PNG hadn't talked to in 2 years >mfw 6 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 03/07/21(Sun)22:27:53 No.849039650 >>849038143 (OP) # >minor inconvenience >9UYS I Am AUTISTIC bro, shut the f--- up. 78 KB JPG

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Anon anticipates Covid 2.0 | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/12/21(Fri)06:42:17 No.62714267 i hope youre all ready for covid 2.0 >anon on /pol/ posted about covid before the panic started >predicted market crashing and everything months ahead of time >said once a brazil strain of covid comes 34 KB JPG out its going to be worse and its going to be f----- >new strain just announced >its over whelming brazil hospitals >might have 10% lethality rate

: Anonymous 03/12/21(Fri)06:42:17 No.62714267 i hope youre all ready for covid 2.0 >anon on /pol/ posted about covid before the panic started >predicted market crashing and everything months ahead of time >said once a brazil strain of covid comes 34 KB JPG out its going to be worse and its going to be f----- >new strain just announced >its over whelming brazil hospitals >might have 10% lethality rate

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Anon is full of shit | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/12/21(Fri)07:58:53 No.62715917 >yeah dude your poop totally just goes to a "treatment plant" when you flush the toilet >it totally doesn't go to an underground market where they sell poop at marked up prices >even though everyone in ancient 220 KB JPG times just pooped in the woods without any treatment plants just fine

: Anonymous 03/12/21(Fri)07:58:53 No.62715917 >yeah dude your poop totally just goes to a "treatment plant" when you flush the toilet >it totally doesn't go to an underground market where they sell poop at marked up prices >even though everyone in ancient 220 KB JPG times just pooped in the woods without any treatment plants just fine

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Anon gets facefucked. | /r/Greentext

>Be me >Be 15 years old >Have older brother around same age >Both be kissless virgins >Share a room 71 KB JPG >Hormy as f---, tons of hormones >Have a gentlemen's agreement that we will just ignore each other when we masturbate (usually with the lights off late at night) >Occasionally talk about what we think of, girls in our classes for instance >One day he tells me he is imagining what it is like to get a b------ >Tell him I don't know either >Can't remember who suggested it first but we agreed to give each other b------- as long as we never talk about it >The person receiving has to close their eyes and imagine it's a girl >l blew him first and thought I would never want to do it again until I felt him blow me >Continues like this every day for the rest of the week >Decide to 69 for the sake of efficiency >Turn it into a game, whoever c--- first wins, loser gets blueballed >Continues on for about a year, during which we learn to d--------- and swallow c--, the competition has escalated into basically facefucking each other to try and c-- first >He gets a girlfriend and without a word our activities stop >Never speak of it again >Am now 19 and sometimes imagine my GF facefucking me Am I gay? : Anonymous 08/20/18(Mon)21:14:38 No.777723073 what the f--- did i just read

>Be me >Be 15 years old >Have older brother around same age >Both be kissless virgins >Share a room 71 KB JPG >Hormy as f---, tons of hormones >Have a gentlemen's agreement that we will just ignore each other when we masturbate (usually with the lights off late at night) >Occasionally talk about what we think of, girls in our classes for instance >One day he tells me he is imagining what it is like to get a b------ >Tell him I don't know either >Can't remember who suggested it first but we agreed to give each other b------- as long as we never talk about it >The person receiving has to close their eyes and imagine it's a girl >l blew him first and thought I would never want to do it again until I felt him blow me >Continues like this every day for the rest of the week >Decide to 69 for the sake of efficiency >Turn it into a game, whoever c--- first wins, loser gets blueballed >Continues on for about a year, during which we learn to d--------- and swallow c--, the competition has escalated into basically facefucking each other to try and c-- first >He gets a girlfriend and without a word our activities stop >Never speak of it again >Am now 19 and sometimes imagine my GF facefucking me Am I gay? : Anonymous 08/20/18(Mon)21:14:38 No.777723073 what the f--- did i just read

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Anon experiences 5 Gum | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/12/21(Fri)07:35:03 No.62715666 >mfw putting expensive chewing gum in someone else's shopping cart 53 KB JPG

: Anonymous 03/12/21(Fri)07:35:03 No.62715666 >mfw putting expensive chewing gum in someone else's shopping cart 53 KB JPG

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Anon lies online | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 10/12/10(Tue)12:31 No.75545XXX File1286901093.jpg-(48 KB, 678x444, 1233814009623.jpg) >Pretend I'm a girl just to get items >Meet a great girl in the process that convinces me to join her guild >Become best friends >She turns out to be a lesbian >Keep pretending even if it feels wrong >7months of online dating and cybering >She tells me we have to talk >Think she wants to meet IRL and get ready to tell her the horrble truth >She tells me she's really a guy pretending he's a lesbian >My f------ face when we' ve been two guys cybering lesbian sex for 7 months

O Anonymous 10/12/10(Tue)12:31 No.75545XXX File1286901093.jpg-(48 KB, 678x444, 1233814009623.jpg) >Pretend I'm a girl just to get items >Meet a great girl in the process that convinces me to join her guild >Become best friends >She turns out to be a lesbian >Keep pretending even if it feels wrong >7months of online dating and cybering >She tells me we have to talk >Think she wants to meet IRL and get ready to tell her the horrble truth >She tells me she's really a guy pretending he's a lesbian >My f------ face when we' ve been two guys cybering lesbian sex for 7 months

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