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Anon goes gay | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/12/21(Fri)08:20:16 No.849364324 >be me >Fart in public >gets stared at >shame.png >become gay >f--- wit dudes 55 KB JPG >ass becomes loose >very loose >like a gaping cave >ass so wide fart just exits out like a breeze >never fart loudly in public again

: Anonymous 03/12/21(Fri)08:20:16 No.849364324 >be me >Fart in public >gets stared at >shame.png >become gay >f--- wit dudes 55 KB JPG >ass becomes loose >very loose >like a gaping cave >ass so wide fart just exits out like a breeze >never fart loudly in public again

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Anon visits Korea | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 11/28/15(Sat)18:46:02 No.24598450 >>24599107 >>24599115 >>24599436 >>24599523 >went to Korean Baptist church this weekend >this is brilliant i'll meet all the kqts and we'll fall in love >this is the greatest idea i've had since yellow fever >patting myself on the back, roll in the door with a huge s----eating grin >kgf2k15 here i come! >nobody wants to sit next to me >shrug it off "Those Asian types are normally shy" >after service looking around for kqts to prey on >pastor walks up to me >"I'm glad you come son you very sick." >think he's joking, laugh awkwardly >he puts a hand on my shoulder asks if he can pray for me >inform him i'm not, in fact, sick and perfectly healthy >"Son our body is temple. You must be sick because your body looks like only junk has entered its doors." >stare on puzzled >he starts praying "Almighty God please help your servant to diet and respect his body." >finally dawns on me he's calling me fat >run out of the church crying and i haven't been back since. f--- the Korean people.

O Anonymous 11/28/15(Sat)18:46:02 No.24598450 >>24599107 >>24599115 >>24599436 >>24599523 >went to Korean Baptist church this weekend >this is brilliant i'll meet all the kqts and we'll fall in love >this is the greatest idea i've had since yellow fever >patting myself on the back, roll in the door with a huge s----eating grin >kgf2k15 here i come! >nobody wants to sit next to me >shrug it off "Those Asian types are normally shy" >after service looking around for kqts to prey on >pastor walks up to me >"I'm glad you come son you very sick." >think he's joking, laugh awkwardly >he puts a hand on my shoulder asks if he can pray for me >inform him i'm not, in fact, sick and perfectly healthy >"Son our body is temple. You must be sick because your body looks like only junk has entered its doors." >stare on puzzled >he starts praying "Almighty God please help your servant to diet and respect his body." >finally dawns on me he's calling me fat >run out of the church crying and i haven't been back since. f--- the Korean people.

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Anon doesn't like Biden | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/12/21(Fri)18:03:15 No.849412024 >no $15 minimum wage >no student debt relief >no UBI during pandemic >no medicare for all >bombs syria >puts f------ kids in cages Never voting Blue no matter who ever again. IT'S OVER 81 KB JPG

: Anonymous 03/12/21(Fri)18:03:15 No.849412024 >no $15 minimum wage >no student debt relief >no UBI during pandemic >no medicare for all >bombs syria >puts f------ kids in cages Never voting Blue no matter who ever again. IT'S OVER 81 KB JPG

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Anon browses through somebodies porn account | /r/Greentext

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Anon owns a tornado shelter | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/28/21(Sun)15:06:30 No.848510192 Dream analysis thread? >Tornado raging through town >I own the only tornado shelter in town >Ask crush if she wants to come 746 KB PNG inside shelter >"Nah I'm good" >Gets sucked up by tornado and dies. What does this mean? 2 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 02/28/21(Sun)15:08:04 No.848510279 deep-state running psych experiments on you : Anonymous 02/28/21(Sun)15:09:58 No.848510377 >>848510192 (OP) # someone would rather die than be with you?

: Anonymous 02/28/21(Sun)15:06:30 No.848510192 Dream analysis thread? >Tornado raging through town >I own the only tornado shelter in town >Ask crush if she wants to come 746 KB PNG inside shelter >"Nah I'm good" >Gets sucked up by tornado and dies. What does this mean? 2 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 02/28/21(Sun)15:08:04 No.848510279 deep-state running psych experiments on you : Anonymous 02/28/21(Sun)15:09:58 No.848510377 >>848510192 (OP) # someone would rather die than be with you?

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Anon has a minor inconvenience | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/07/21(Sun)22:04:31 No.849038143 i swear to god i am f------ autistic or something. >be me, have a pretty hot girlfriend >use snapchat a lot with her, she's basically the only person i snap >send her a picture of myself with a boarder of black hearts >turns out i accidentally sent it to a friend i 49 KB PNG hadn't talked to in 2 years >mfw 6 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 03/07/21(Sun)22:27:53 No.849039650 >>849038143 (OP) # >minor inconvenience >9UYS I Am AUTISTIC bro, shut the f--- up. 78 KB JPG

: Anonymous 03/07/21(Sun)22:04:31 No.849038143 i swear to god i am f------ autistic or something. >be me, have a pretty hot girlfriend >use snapchat a lot with her, she's basically the only person i snap >send her a picture of myself with a boarder of black hearts >turns out i accidentally sent it to a friend i 49 KB PNG hadn't talked to in 2 years >mfw 6 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 03/07/21(Sun)22:27:53 No.849039650 >>849038143 (OP) # >minor inconvenience >9UYS I Am AUTISTIC bro, shut the f--- up. 78 KB JPG

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Anon anticipates Covid 2.0 | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/12/21(Fri)06:42:17 No.62714267 i hope youre all ready for covid 2.0 >anon on /pol/ posted about covid before the panic started >predicted market crashing and everything months ahead of time >said once a brazil strain of covid comes 34 KB JPG out its going to be worse and its going to be f----- >new strain just announced >its over whelming brazil hospitals >might have 10% lethality rate

: Anonymous 03/12/21(Fri)06:42:17 No.62714267 i hope youre all ready for covid 2.0 >anon on /pol/ posted about covid before the panic started >predicted market crashing and everything months ahead of time >said once a brazil strain of covid comes 34 KB JPG out its going to be worse and its going to be f----- >new strain just announced >its over whelming brazil hospitals >might have 10% lethality rate

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Anon is full of shit | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/12/21(Fri)07:58:53 No.62715917 >yeah dude your poop totally just goes to a "treatment plant" when you flush the toilet >it totally doesn't go to an underground market where they sell poop at marked up prices >even though everyone in ancient 220 KB JPG times just pooped in the woods without any treatment plants just fine

: Anonymous 03/12/21(Fri)07:58:53 No.62715917 >yeah dude your poop totally just goes to a "treatment plant" when you flush the toilet >it totally doesn't go to an underground market where they sell poop at marked up prices >even though everyone in ancient 220 KB JPG times just pooped in the woods without any treatment plants just fine

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Anon gets facefucked. | /r/Greentext

>Be me >Be 15 years old >Have older brother around same age >Both be kissless virgins >Share a room 71 KB JPG >Hormy as f---, tons of hormones >Have a gentlemen's agreement that we will just ignore each other when we masturbate (usually with the lights off late at night) >Occasionally talk about what we think of, girls in our classes for instance >One day he tells me he is imagining what it is like to get a b------ >Tell him I don't know either >Can't remember who suggested it first but we agreed to give each other b------- as long as we never talk about it >The person receiving has to close their eyes and imagine it's a girl >l blew him first and thought I would never want to do it again until I felt him blow me >Continues like this every day for the rest of the week >Decide to 69 for the sake of efficiency >Turn it into a game, whoever c--- first wins, loser gets blueballed >Continues on for about a year, during which we learn to d--------- and swallow c--, the competition has escalated into basically facefucking each other to try and c-- first >He gets a girlfriend and without a word our activities stop >Never speak of it again >Am now 19 and sometimes imagine my GF facefucking me Am I gay? : Anonymous 08/20/18(Mon)21:14:38 No.777723073 what the f--- did i just read

>Be me >Be 15 years old >Have older brother around same age >Both be kissless virgins >Share a room 71 KB JPG >Hormy as f---, tons of hormones >Have a gentlemen's agreement that we will just ignore each other when we masturbate (usually with the lights off late at night) >Occasionally talk about what we think of, girls in our classes for instance >One day he tells me he is imagining what it is like to get a b------ >Tell him I don't know either >Can't remember who suggested it first but we agreed to give each other b------- as long as we never talk about it >The person receiving has to close their eyes and imagine it's a girl >l blew him first and thought I would never want to do it again until I felt him blow me >Continues like this every day for the rest of the week >Decide to 69 for the sake of efficiency >Turn it into a game, whoever c--- first wins, loser gets blueballed >Continues on for about a year, during which we learn to d--------- and swallow c--, the competition has escalated into basically facefucking each other to try and c-- first >He gets a girlfriend and without a word our activities stop >Never speak of it again >Am now 19 and sometimes imagine my GF facefucking me Am I gay? : Anonymous 08/20/18(Mon)21:14:38 No.777723073 what the f--- did i just read

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Anon experiences 5 Gum | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/12/21(Fri)07:35:03 No.62715666 >mfw putting expensive chewing gum in someone else's shopping cart 53 KB JPG

: Anonymous 03/12/21(Fri)07:35:03 No.62715666 >mfw putting expensive chewing gum in someone else's shopping cart 53 KB JPG

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Anon lies online | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 10/12/10(Tue)12:31 No.75545XXX File1286901093.jpg-(48 KB, 678x444, 1233814009623.jpg) >Pretend I'm a girl just to get items >Meet a great girl in the process that convinces me to join her guild >Become best friends >She turns out to be a lesbian >Keep pretending even if it feels wrong >7months of online dating and cybering >She tells me we have to talk >Think she wants to meet IRL and get ready to tell her the horrble truth >She tells me she's really a guy pretending he's a lesbian >My f------ face when we' ve been two guys cybering lesbian sex for 7 months

O Anonymous 10/12/10(Tue)12:31 No.75545XXX File1286901093.jpg-(48 KB, 678x444, 1233814009623.jpg) >Pretend I'm a girl just to get items >Meet a great girl in the process that convinces me to join her guild >Become best friends >She turns out to be a lesbian >Keep pretending even if it feels wrong >7months of online dating and cybering >She tells me we have to talk >Think she wants to meet IRL and get ready to tell her the horrble truth >She tells me she's really a guy pretending he's a lesbian >My f------ face when we' ve been two guys cybering lesbian sex for 7 months

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Anon is not a trap | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/12/21(Fri)16:44:25 No.849408061 >be me >wanna be a trap >6'5" 275lbs, buff >mfw 172 KB JPG

: Anonymous 03/12/21(Fri)16:44:25 No.849408061 >be me >wanna be a trap >6'5" 275lbs, buff >mfw 172 KB JPG

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B-Bond. J-james B-b-bond | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/14/16(Wed)22:36:22 No.703956574 >"Shaken, not stirred" I got curious and wanted to know if there was an actual difference between shaking a martini and stirring it. 71 KB JPG I thought it wouldn't matter, since you're just mixing the ingredients, but apparently a study was conducted to determine if the preparation of a martini had any influence on its antioxidant сараcity; the study found that shaken gin martinis were able to break down hydrogen peroxide and leave only 0.072% of the peroxide behind, while the stirred gin martini left behind 0.157% of the peroxide. Based on this information I have concluded that for James Bond to be able to detect a difference this small, he must be massively autistic.

: Anonymous 09/14/16(Wed)22:36:22 No.703956574 >"Shaken, not stirred" I got curious and wanted to know if there was an actual difference between shaking a martini and stirring it. 71 KB JPG I thought it wouldn't matter, since you're just mixing the ingredients, but apparently a study was conducted to determine if the preparation of a martini had any influence on its antioxidant сараcity; the study found that shaken gin martinis were able to break down hydrogen peroxide and leave only 0.072% of the peroxide behind, while the stirred gin martini left behind 0.157% of the peroxide. Based on this information I have concluded that for James Bond to be able to detect a difference this small, he must be massively autistic.

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Anon does a bottle flip | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/12/21(Fri)14:18:29 No.849406917 >be me 5 years ago >just starting high school >mega autist brain >bottle flips >throwing bottles around the classroom like a retard with friend 137 KB JPG >get mega retardation rush >AYYO WATCH THIS >throw a bottle with all of my strenght across the whole classroom >BOTTLE IS FLYING >wreck the lighting on the ceiling to pieces >OMEGALUL >friend gets autist manic laugh and throws himself on the floor laughing >a random teacher walks in >friend on the floor covered in glass unable to speak from laughter >"what is your name?!??" >his name is ian >"MUHAMMAD" >friend gets detention and a warning from school for faking identity and pays for new lighting >i dont get punished for anything

: Anonymous 03/12/21(Fri)14:18:29 No.849406917 >be me 5 years ago >just starting high school >mega autist brain >bottle flips >throwing bottles around the classroom like a retard with friend 137 KB JPG >get mega retardation rush >AYYO WATCH THIS >throw a bottle with all of my strenght across the whole classroom >BOTTLE IS FLYING >wreck the lighting on the ceiling to pieces >OMEGALUL >friend gets autist manic laugh and throws himself on the floor laughing >a random teacher walks in >friend on the floor covered in glass unable to speak from laughter >"what is your name?!??" >his name is ian >"MUHAMMAD" >friend gets detention and a warning from school for faking identity and pays for new lighting >i dont get punished for anything

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Andre 3k posts on the chan | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/27/20(Wed)09:17:34 No.828592520 >be me >25, living in s----- poor town with gf >s--- neighbors, even s------- children >the little bastards broke the 6 KB JPG window of my car >their 300 pound mom wont punish them or give me money for repairs >one of their children is epileptic, this will be important >christmas >save up and buy one of those expensive lights with a remote >i put lights up with gf >s--- looks cash money >gf cooking, said she needs sugar but we're out of sugar >i volunteer myself to go to the neighbors and ask for sugars >the little bastards are gonna get what they deserve >grab remote, head to neighbors >before i knock the door i turn on the lights >stand on the side of the door and ask for sugar >the bastard opens the door and looks across the street >f----- begins shaking, >his mom comes rolling over and asked what happend >say idk, walk home >gf asked what happened >i tell her what i said >lend me some sugar i am your neighbor, here we go now, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it View Thread

: Anonymous 05/27/20(Wed)09:17:34 No.828592520 >be me >25, living in s----- poor town with gf >s--- neighbors, even s------- children >the little bastards broke the 6 KB JPG window of my car >their 300 pound mom wont punish them or give me money for repairs >one of their children is epileptic, this will be important >christmas >save up and buy one of those expensive lights with a remote >i put lights up with gf >s--- looks cash money >gf cooking, said she needs sugar but we're out of sugar >i volunteer myself to go to the neighbors and ask for sugars >the little bastards are gonna get what they deserve >grab remote, head to neighbors >before i knock the door i turn on the lights >stand on the side of the door and ask for sugar >the bastard opens the door and looks across the street >f----- begins shaking, >his mom comes rolling over and asked what happend >say idk, walk home >gf asked what happened >i tell her what i said >lend me some sugar i am your neighbor, here we go now, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it View Thread

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Ngl he's living the dream | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: RbCr6kj+ ) 02/22/21(Mon)20:57:05 No.29440241 >You have 10 seconds to be as millennial as possible. 72 KB JPG : Anonymous (ID: 5q1RlmEk 02/22/21(Mon)20:58:52 No.29440372 >>29440241 (OP) # >So I was sucking my girlfriend's c--- and it reminded me of an IPA I had the other day. >>29440554 # >>29440638 # >>29440718 # >>29440722 # >>29440814 # >>29441291 # >>29442639 # >>29442675 # >>29443626 # >>29449393 #

: Anonymous (ID: RbCr6kj+ ) 02/22/21(Mon)20:57:05 No.29440241 >You have 10 seconds to be as millennial as possible. 72 KB JPG : Anonymous (ID: 5q1RlmEk 02/22/21(Mon)20:58:52 No.29440372 >>29440241 (OP) # >So I was sucking my girlfriend's c--- and it reminded me of an IPA I had the other day. >>29440554 # >>29440638 # >>29440718 # >>29440722 # >>29440814 # >>29441291 # >>29442639 # >>29442675 # >>29443626 # >>29449393 #

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anon gets banned | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/08/19(Fri)11:48:18 No.792131303 >Be me >Redditfag >Post comment reply on r/greentext making joke about how I only f--- 3 year olds. >Open Reddit later 43 KB JPG >"Your account has been permanently suspended for sexual or suggestive content involving minors." >mfw Reddit now thinks I'm a registered sex offender. >mfw they think I had sex. >later virgins.

: Anonymous 02/08/19(Fri)11:48:18 No.792131303 >Be me >Redditfag >Post comment reply on r/greentext making joke about how I only f--- 3 year olds. >Open Reddit later 43 KB JPG >"Your account has been permanently suspended for sexual or suggestive content involving minors." >mfw Reddit now thinks I'm a registered sex offender. >mfw they think I had sex. >later virgins.

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Anon takes a bath | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/11/21(Thu)21:11:31 No.849371663 >be me, taking a bath >felt really horny, gets an idea >grabs a shampoo bottle and imagine its a d---, and stroking it like giving a h------ >touch myself as I imagine through it >as I about to c--, I squeezed the bottle 39 KB JPG and the shampoo spurts all over my face >I came as I feel the shampoo running down my face >Squirt some shampoo on my back too like someone came outside after f------ me >Clean myself after How's your bath, /b/? 3 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 03/11/21(Thu)21:12:32 No.849371741 >>849371663 (OP) # How did you clean yourself when your gross ass sperm was floating around in the tub around you?

: Anonymous 03/11/21(Thu)21:11:31 No.849371663 >be me, taking a bath >felt really horny, gets an idea >grabs a shampoo bottle and imagine its a d---, and stroking it like giving a h------ >touch myself as I imagine through it >as I about to c--, I squeezed the bottle 39 KB JPG and the shampoo spurts all over my face >I came as I feel the shampoo running down my face >Squirt some shampoo on my back too like someone came outside after f------ me >Clean myself after How's your bath, /b/? 3 Replies / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 03/11/21(Thu)21:12:32 No.849371741 >>849371663 (OP) # How did you clean yourself when your gross ass sperm was floating around in the tub around you?

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Anon still remember | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: Mz+F72xl) 04/23/14(Wed)02:24:34 No.543522159 >be 3 years old >standing in the living room next to leather sofa >for no apparent reason think to myself "i will remember this moment" >still do

Anonymous (ID: Mz+F72xl) 04/23/14(Wed)02:24:34 No.543522159 >be 3 years old >standing in the living room next to leather sofa >for no apparent reason think to myself "i will remember this moment" >still do

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Anon goes to sleep | /r/Greentext

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