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Anon is in a dilemma | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/28/21(Thu)09:35:11 No.62066677 >>62065980 (OP) # >Girl shows me any sort of attention >Fall for her like a retard Why am I like this? 17 KB PNG
: Anonymous 01/28/21(Thu)09:35:11 No.62066677 >>62065980 (OP) # >Girl shows me any sort of attention >Fall for her like a retard Why am I like this? 17 KB PNG

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Anon lives | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/16/21(Tue)10:28:31 No.849730467 >be me >wake up >drink booze >coom >eat sleeping pills >wake up 50 KB PNG >more booze >coom >make myself grilled cheese toast >eat >more booze >coom >more sleeping pills >sleep >repeat
: Anonymous 03/16/21(Tue)10:28:31 No.849730467 >be me >wake up >drink booze >coom >eat sleeping pills >wake up 50 KB PNG >more booze >coom >make myself grilled cheese toast >eat >more booze >coom >more sleeping pills >sleep >repeat

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Anon is 18 | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/16/21(Tue)15:13:07 No.849719305 >be me >18 yo >the madness is really starting to set in >manic as f--- half the time, still not as bad as last time though >very sleep deprived but don't feel it >lay down to watch some funny videos 22 KB JPG >pass out hard >wake up >voices all around me >l've been poisoned for sure >gotta find my phone and get help >so alone so alone so alone so alone >wears off in a few hours >still manic as f--- >laugh it off >grab vodka My life is so much fun you guys
: Anonymous 03/16/21(Tue)15:13:07 No.849719305 >be me >18 yo >the madness is really starting to set in >manic as f--- half the time, still not as bad as last time though >very sleep deprived but don't feel it >lay down to watch some funny videos 22 KB JPG >pass out hard >wake up >voices all around me >l've been poisoned for sure >gotta find my phone and get help >so alone so alone so alone so alone >wears off in a few hours >still manic as f--- >laugh it off >grab vodka My life is so much fun you guys

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Anon achieves nirvana | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/14/2021(So.)12:38:23 No.849571020 >just devoured a footlong shawarma, stuffed with every topping >washed it down with a bottle of pepsi >had a tummy ache for a few minutes >go to the bathroom, take a giant s--- >burped up the entire bottles worth of pepsi gas >fell fully cleansed from the inside, I have achieved nirvana >feelsgoodman.jpg
Anonymous 03/14/2021(So.)12:38:23 No.849571020 >just devoured a footlong shawarma, stuffed with every topping >washed it down with a bottle of pepsi >had a tummy ache for a few minutes >go to the bathroom, take a giant s--- >burped up the entire bottles worth of pepsi gas >fell fully cleansed from the inside, I have achieved nirvana >feelsgoodman.jpg

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Anon uses algebra | /r/Greentext

File: twitch-emote-streaming-me(...).jpg (32 KB, 512x512) O Anonymous 03/15/21(Mon)13:14:30 No.849670137 ► >Be me >Hanging out with some friends >One guy asks if his new girlfriend can come over >Surewhynot.gif >A while later she shows up >Greetings are exchanged, she shakes everyone's hand >I touched her hand >Her hand has touched her boobs, and likely her p---- before >By the transitive property, I just touched a girl's boob and snatch >Algebra rules See ya later, virgins
File: twitch-emote-streaming-me(...).jpg (32 KB, 512x512) O Anonymous 03/15/21(Mon)13:14:30 No.849670137 ► >Be me >Hanging out with some friends >One guy asks if his new girlfriend can come over >Surewhynot.gif >A while later she shows up >Greetings are exchanged, she shakes everyone's hand >I touched her hand >Her hand has touched her boobs, and likely her p---- before >By the transitive property, I just touched a girl's boob and snatch >Algebra rules See ya later, virgins

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Anon has poor professionalism skills | /r/Greentext

14:41 A boards.4chan.org Board /b/ - Random Settings Mobile Home Wallpapers/General the classics are somtimes the best View Announcement : Anonymous 03/15/21(Mon)14:41:02 No.849675770 >be me >call center representative > over two hours straight with no calls >phone rings >watch it ring 62 KB JPG >listen to it >stare straight at it >call goes to voicemail >immediately clock myself into break >sit in exact same chair doing nothing helping no one >wrote email to time clock to tell them they aren't paying me enough >smoke joint >come back from break >hour passes >another call comes in >hang up as soon as I answer so that it seems like glitch >report it to HR citing pesky technical issues Why am I like this? Post a Reply Return Catalog Тop Undate DAuto
14:41 A boards.4chan.org Board /b/ - Random Settings Mobile Home Wallpapers/General the classics are somtimes the best View Announcement : Anonymous 03/15/21(Mon)14:41:02 No.849675770 >be me >call center representative > over two hours straight with no calls >phone rings >watch it ring 62 KB JPG >listen to it >stare straight at it >call goes to voicemail >immediately clock myself into break >sit in exact same chair doing nothing helping no one >wrote email to time clock to tell them they aren't paying me enough >smoke joint >come back from break >hour passes >another call comes in >hang up as soon as I answer so that it seems like glitch >report it to HR citing pesky technical issues Why am I like this? Post a Reply Return Catalog Тop Undate DAuto

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Anon dances with a female | /r/Greentext

>Cute girl invites me to come over to her house to work on school project >We're making quick progress and finish early. >Tell her i should probably head home, don't want to be a nuisance >"aww, well that's alright, thank you for helping me" >"wait anon, before you go i want to show you something!" >"i know you said you liked this music, so i checked it out and they're pretty great!" >impressed that a girl would actually take the time to listen to my autistic taste in music >music playlist changes to some generic s----- pop you'd hear on the radio >she's groovin >"Come on anon, let's dance before you have to go!" >l don't dance, i never dance. not even by myself >f--- it let's show her our moves 37.4 kB JPG >"uhh okay sure" >i do some avwkward disco moves, chicken dance etc. >she thinks its hilarious, >"gobble gobble, look anon i'm a turkey!" >i laugh harder than i ever had in years. >music changes again >this time to a slow dance song >she yanks my hand and puts the other on her waist >i can feel her body press against mine. >wow, she smells really good. >"hey anon, do you...?" >she smiles and looks down hiding her face. >Do you like me, anon? >"yes of course i do! i've had a crush on you since the day we met" >"can i...?" >She closes her eyes and leans in for a kiss >i close my eyes >i purse my lips to greet hers >ring ring ring! >my eyes open >i wake up in bed >tfw it was all a sad, pathetic dream. 15 REPLIES 6 IMAGES REPLY Anonymous | 17790989 6 hr. ago >>17790974 (OP) your dream is honestly a bit gay
>Cute girl invites me to come over to her house to work on school project >We're making quick progress and finish early. >Tell her i should probably head home, don't want to be a nuisance >"aww, well that's alright, thank you for helping me" >"wait anon, before you go i want to show you something!" >"i know you said you liked this music, so i checked it out and they're pretty great!" >impressed that a girl would actually take the time to listen to my autistic taste in music >music playlist changes to some generic s----- pop you'd hear on the radio >she's groovin >"Come on anon, let's dance before you have to go!" >l don't dance, i never dance. not even by myself >f--- it let's show her our moves 37.4 kB JPG >"uhh okay sure" >i do some avwkward disco moves, chicken dance etc. >she thinks its hilarious, >"gobble gobble, look anon i'm a turkey!" >i laugh harder than i ever had in years. >music changes again >this time to a slow dance song >she yanks my hand and puts the other on her waist >i can feel her body press against mine. >wow, she smells really good. >"hey anon, do you...?" >she smiles and looks down hiding her face. >Do you like me, anon? >"yes of course i do! i've had a crush on you since the day we met" >"can i...?" >She closes her eyes and leans in for a kiss >i close my eyes >i purse my lips to greet hers >ring ring ring! >my eyes open >i wake up in bed >tfw it was all a sad, pathetic dream. 15 REPLIES 6 IMAGES REPLY Anonymous | 17790989 6 hr. ago >>17790974 (OP) your dream is honestly a bit gay

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The Stinking Machine | /r/Greentext

File: 14499826-3B92-42DA-AACB-5(...).jpg (28 KB, 600x552) O Anonymous 03/15/21(Mon)22:23:23 No.62768923 >Doorbell rings >l open >Man wants to sell me a stinking machine >l buy it >now I have my very own stinking machine! >Decide to bring this technological miracle to school next day >I hide the stinking machine in a bag and select rotten egg smell >suddenly everyone smells a very strong rotten egg smell >a girl next to me pukes >all windows are opened, the stink doesnt go away >I switch to s--- smell >similar reactions as before >i switch to chlorine gas smell and turn my class inton a f------ verdun >Everyone around me starts coughing and choking >Teacher calls the ambulance >whole school is evacuated by the fire brigade then >i eventually get sued for illegally possessing a stinking machine >Should I buy a second stinking machine, bring it to the court and create some goofy gas smells?
File: 14499826-3B92-42DA-AACB-5(...).jpg (28 KB, 600x552) O Anonymous 03/15/21(Mon)22:23:23 No.62768923 >Doorbell rings >l open >Man wants to sell me a stinking machine >l buy it >now I have my very own stinking machine! >Decide to bring this technological miracle to school next day >I hide the stinking machine in a bag and select rotten egg smell >suddenly everyone smells a very strong rotten egg smell >a girl next to me pukes >all windows are opened, the stink doesnt go away >I switch to s--- smell >similar reactions as before >i switch to chlorine gas smell and turn my class inton a f------ verdun >Everyone around me starts coughing and choking >Teacher calls the ambulance >whole school is evacuated by the fire brigade then >i eventually get sued for illegally possessing a stinking machine >Should I buy a second stinking machine, bring it to the court and create some goofy gas smells?

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Anon finds love | /r/Greentext

>i did it >i found the love of my life >wake up next to her >feeling most happieness that i ever felt >did all the drugs, this is better >wake up and make breakfast together >eat, laugh, go back to bed >have sex >this is the meaning of life >watch our favorite tv shows for hours >have steak dinner, drink wine >have sex again >go to bed, cuddle >discuss our plan to travel the world >we will buy the ticket to our first country tommorow >i am the happiest person that ever existed >i found meaning >wake up >search for what money i have left so i can buy myself my daily booze >sadness
>i did it >i found the love of my life >wake up next to her >feeling most happieness that i ever felt >did all the drugs, this is better >wake up and make breakfast together >eat, laugh, go back to bed >have sex >this is the meaning of life >watch our favorite tv shows for hours >have steak dinner, drink wine >have sex again >go to bed, cuddle >discuss our plan to travel the world >we will buy the ticket to our first country tommorow >i am the happiest person that ever existed >i found meaning >wake up >search for what money i have left so i can buy myself my daily booze >sadness

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Anon was treated kindly. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/15/21(Mon)11:37:28 No.62761159 >was so socially retarded that people genuinely treated me like i was special ed in school >they continued to treat me like this even in AP classes >not even that ugly, maybe even a bit above average on a good day 26 KB JPG Why are people like this? I was such a sperg that people didn't want to bully me. Did they think I was packing a TEC- 9 or some s---?
: Anonymous 03/15/21(Mon)11:37:28 No.62761159 >was so socially retarded that people genuinely treated me like i was special ed in school >they continued to treat me like this even in AP classes >not even that ugly, maybe even a bit above average on a good day 26 KB JPG Why are people like this? I was such a sperg that people didn't want to bully me. Did they think I was packing a TEC- 9 or some s---?

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Anon drinks coffee | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/16/21(Tue)14:02:50 No.849737413 >be me >was addicted to drugs >clean for 4 months >was never a coffee drinker >lets try this >actually gives me a nice feeling 23 KB JPG >notning much noticable tho >wait i can just make more concentraded coffee >dump half of a coffee jar in boiling water >let it cool down >f--- this is diguisting >put a ton of sugar too >drink >10 mins pass >holy f--- im TWEAKING >my body is shaking >run around the house and clean stuff for no reason >j------- >its legal brown drinkable amphetamine >become coffee addict
: Anonymous 03/16/21(Tue)14:02:50 No.849737413 >be me >was addicted to drugs >clean for 4 months >was never a coffee drinker >lets try this >actually gives me a nice feeling 23 KB JPG >notning much noticable tho >wait i can just make more concentraded coffee >dump half of a coffee jar in boiling water >let it cool down >f--- this is diguisting >put a ton of sugar too >drink >10 mins pass >holy f--- im TWEAKING >my body is shaking >run around the house and clean stuff for no reason >j------- >its legal brown drinkable amphetamine >become coffee addict

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Anon likes company | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/15/21(Mon)12:40:14 No.849667627 >Be playing vidya >Straight face >Family member sits down next to me and watches >Start smiling 105 KB JPG WTE
: Anonymous 03/15/21(Mon)12:40:14 No.849667627 >Be playing vidya >Straight face >Family member sits down next to me and watches >Start smiling 105 KB JPG WTE

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Anon becomes a werewolf | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/15/21(Mon)23:49:25 No.849717932 1615418235582.jpg| 10 KB JPG >be me >turn into werewolf >j------- to beastialty hentai instead of going out and killing f----
: Anonymous 03/15/21(Mon)23:49:25 No.849717932 1615418235582.jpg| 10 KB JPG >be me >turn into werewolf >j------- to beastialty hentai instead of going out and killing f----

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Anon lies on 4chan. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 04/10/19(Wed)22:32:53 No.797091776 >be me >wake up tired >go to school >spend time with friends >do presentation >goes well >see crush 290 KB JPG >goes well >eat lunch >goes well >get a bunch of my final grades >allgoodinthehood.gif >order a deck of cards >order one for my best friend >text my other best friend >life's not always great but sometimes it is and I want to be here for it
: Anonymous 04/10/19(Wed)22:32:53 No.797091776 >be me >wake up tired >go to school >spend time with friends >do presentation >goes well >see crush 290 KB JPG >goes well >eat lunch >goes well >get a bunch of my final grades >allgoodinthehood.gif >order a deck of cards >order one for my best friend >text my other best friend >life's not always great but sometimes it is and I want to be here for it

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Anon might be retarded | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/15/20(Sun)21:41:27 No.8401470- Back in 2003 I used to think scorpions weren't real. Fast forward to about a week ago >be me walking outside for the first time in a year >see some kinda f------ alien c--- 40 KB JPG sucker thing on the ground >pick it up k it > it hits me with its tail thing >F-----.png >I throw that f----- like I was in the MLB I know now that scorpions are real & I don't like them View Thread
: Anonymous 11/15/20(Sun)21:41:27 No.8401470- Back in 2003 I used to think scorpions weren't real. Fast forward to about a week ago >be me walking outside for the first time in a year >see some kinda f------ alien c--- 40 KB JPG sucker thing on the ground >pick it up k it > it hits me with its tail thing >F-----.png >I throw that f----- like I was in the MLB I know now that scorpions are real & I don't like them View Thread

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Anon goes to McDonald's | /r/Greentext

I had a really weird dream guys >Be me >In parking lot of a shopping center i regularly visit >See a sign for mcdonald's >Find that weird because there's never 231 KB PNG been a McDonald's in this area >Walk over to get some food because I am hungry >Go inside an entrance, there are no doors to get in, when I walk in it looks like a combination of a really s----- greyhound bus station and really s----- park benches that haven't been touched since the 90s >There's some white crackhead woman sitting at one of the tables, she yells at me saying "this isn't where you order" >l walk back outside, and go around the corner of the building, I see a window in the wall basically >There's some really ghetto black buy behind some iron rails and other security s--- over the window, you can visibly see all sorts of food just lying on a metal counter back there >Ask for a "crispy chicken sandwich" >He responds "you mean a filet-o-chicken" >Yeah sure >Go back to dining area >Large black woman asks if I got fries, tell her no >Eventually guy who takes my order comes with a paper bag. Casually pulls out a gun and shoots white woman, no one reacts at all >Guy hands me my sandwich >Ask how much I owe him >Responds "all your debts have been forgiven" >He drags the corpse of white woman away >Take bite of sandwich >It's disgustingly rotten >Wake up What does this mean?
I had a really weird dream guys >Be me >In parking lot of a shopping center i regularly visit >See a sign for mcdonald's >Find that weird because there's never 231 KB PNG been a McDonald's in this area >Walk over to get some food because I am hungry >Go inside an entrance, there are no doors to get in, when I walk in it looks like a combination of a really s----- greyhound bus station and really s----- park benches that haven't been touched since the 90s >There's some white crackhead woman sitting at one of the tables, she yells at me saying "this isn't where you order" >l walk back outside, and go around the corner of the building, I see a window in the wall basically >There's some really ghetto black buy behind some iron rails and other security s--- over the window, you can visibly see all sorts of food just lying on a metal counter back there >Ask for a "crispy chicken sandwich" >He responds "you mean a filet-o-chicken" >Yeah sure >Go back to dining area >Large black woman asks if I got fries, tell her no >Eventually guy who takes my order comes with a paper bag. Casually pulls out a gun and shoots white woman, no one reacts at all >Guy hands me my sandwich >Ask how much I owe him >Responds "all your debts have been forgiven" >He drags the corpse of white woman away >Take bite of sandwich >It's disgustingly rotten >Wake up What does this mean?

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We did it Reddit | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 03/15/21(Mon)11:02:16 No.849661663 ► >on /b/ >trying to think of a funny greentext to make >get idea >write up a post about how me and my friends beat our wives as a sport and the loser has to pay the hospital bills >it becomes popular, gets lot of replies and s--- >reposted to r/greentext with plenty of upvotes and fake virtual awards >a week or so passes >scrolling through r/all on reddit when I see one of the top posts >"4chan post used to charge men with domestic violence" >wait what >read through the article >some dude read the greentext and found similarities to the behavior of his brother and friends, leading to him investigating and finding out they all abused their girlfriends >mfw my shitposting saved the lives of several women >mfw I'm a hero but no one can ever know or else they'd find out I go on 4chan
O Anonymous 03/15/21(Mon)11:02:16 No.849661663 ► >on /b/ >trying to think of a funny greentext to make >get idea >write up a post about how me and my friends beat our wives as a sport and the loser has to pay the hospital bills >it becomes popular, gets lot of replies and s--- >reposted to r/greentext with plenty of upvotes and fake virtual awards >a week or so passes >scrolling through r/all on reddit when I see one of the top posts >"4chan post used to charge men with domestic violence" >wait what >read through the article >some dude read the greentext and found similarities to the behavior of his brother and friends, leading to him investigating and finding out they all abused their girlfriends >mfw my shitposting saved the lives of several women >mfw I'm a hero but no one can ever know or else they'd find out I go on 4chan

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Anon plays video games | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/14/21(Sun)22:46:45 No.849623670 >be me >enjoy playing game >many people do as well >most active multiplayer game from company >no updates >ffw 1 year 29 KB JPG >no updates >ffw 2 years >no updates guys its been 3 years with no major update in team fortress 2, c'mon valve, i just want a decent update thats not just community creations.
: Anonymous 03/14/21(Sun)22:46:45 No.849623670 >be me >enjoy playing game >many people do as well >most active multiplayer game from company >no updates >ffw 1 year 29 KB JPG >no updates >ffw 2 years >no updates guys its been 3 years with no major update in team fortress 2, c'mon valve, i just want a decent update thats not just community creations.

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Anon is an entrepreneur | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/16/21(Tue)11:22:47 No.849732160 >be me >get bored >order a pizza >pretend to be a pizza delivery guy >deliver pizzas to random people >hope to find a qt girl who lives alone and who likes pizza 154 KB PNG >thats all i need >eventually run into a few >p--- lied to me, whatever >around 70% of people actually decide to pay me for my pizza >others say they didnt order it >no loss >i guess people want pizzas some people just dont order them >idea.jpg >a pizza is 4 dollars at the store, ill sell it for 6 >buy 20 pizzas >sell all of them to random people pretending to be a delivery guy >40 dollar profit for selling 20 pizzas >do this when i need extra money
: Anonymous 03/16/21(Tue)11:22:47 No.849732160 >be me >get bored >order a pizza >pretend to be a pizza delivery guy >deliver pizzas to random people >hope to find a qt girl who lives alone and who likes pizza 154 KB PNG >thats all i need >eventually run into a few >p--- lied to me, whatever >around 70% of people actually decide to pay me for my pizza >others say they didnt order it >no loss >i guess people want pizzas some people just dont order them >idea.jpg >a pizza is 4 dollars at the store, ill sell it for 6 >buy 20 pizzas >sell all of them to random people pretending to be a delivery guy >40 dollar profit for selling 20 pizzas >do this when i need extra money

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Anon is misunderstood | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/08/20(Tue)23:05:07 No.61291765 >be me the devil >chilling out in the garden of eden one day >over hear f-- chad god telling two mammals not to eat a certain fruit from a tree or they'll die >tell the woman it's a lie 10 KB JPG >she trusts me and eats it >doesn't die >she tells the man he also eats and doesn't die >they become enlightened and go on their merry way >feelsgoodman.wav >few thousand years pass >find out those mammals have an entire civilisation with huge towers and everyone is united, looks neat >god disagrees and smites them making the mammals speak different languages and s--- >d-------.gif >couple more thousand years pass by >hear god drowned almost all of those mammals with little warning >left one who build a big f------ boat and his mates alive to repopulate >ignore god's antics for about 3000 years >hear that he had a son >and that god f----- off and left another man to raise the kid >decide I want to meet the kid >find this d------ wandering a desert malnourished and dehydrated barely alive >ohshit.jpg >beg this guy to eat and drink so that he doesn't die >says l'm tempting him and to basically f--- off >decide to hide for a bit then replenish him when he passes out >lay low after that and chill in hell >hear news of gods kid dying >rip >hear god turned around and acted like it was all part of "the plan' >muck about for about 2000 years after that and decide to see how those mammals are doing >looks good they really expanded >hear god published a book that's really popular >decide f--- it and read it >details all the people he's killed and lives he ruined and doesn't take accountability >parts about me in this book >all rather accurate on what happened >cheersgod.pdf >decide that I want to find out people thoughts about the book >mfw everyone loves god for killing almost the entire planet but hate me for making a few mistakes
: Anonymous 12/08/20(Tue)23:05:07 No.61291765 >be me the devil >chilling out in the garden of eden one day >over hear f-- chad god telling two mammals not to eat a certain fruit from a tree or they'll die >tell the woman it's a lie 10 KB JPG >she trusts me and eats it >doesn't die >she tells the man he also eats and doesn't die >they become enlightened and go on their merry way >feelsgoodman.wav >few thousand years pass >find out those mammals have an entire civilisation with huge towers and everyone is united, looks neat >god disagrees and smites them making the mammals speak different languages and s--- >d-------.gif >couple more thousand years pass by >hear god drowned almost all of those mammals with little warning >left one who build a big f------ boat and his mates alive to repopulate >ignore god's antics for about 3000 years >hear that he had a son >and that god f----- off and left another man to raise the kid >decide I want to meet the kid >find this d------ wandering a desert malnourished and dehydrated barely alive >ohshit.jpg >beg this guy to eat and drink so that he doesn't die >says l'm tempting him and to basically f--- off >decide to hide for a bit then replenish him when he passes out >lay low after that and chill in hell >hear news of gods kid dying >rip >hear god turned around and acted like it was all part of "the plan' >muck about for about 2000 years after that and decide to see how those mammals are doing >looks good they really expanded >hear god published a book that's really popular >decide f--- it and read it >details all the people he's killed and lives he ruined and doesn't take accountability >parts about me in this book >all rather accurate on what happened >cheersgod.pdf >decide that I want to find out people thoughts about the book >mfw everyone loves god for killing almost the entire planet but hate me for making a few mistakes

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