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I can was did | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/18/21(Thu)22:02:32 No.62812721 >is the most powerful country on the planet >over half of its population can't even f------ read 1.58 MB PNG 9 Replies / 3 Images View Thread : Anonymous 03/18/21(Thu)22:08:31 No.62812813 : Anonymous 03/18/21(Thu)22:09:31 No.62812821 >>62812931 # : Anonymous 03/18/21(Thu)22:13:47 No.62812869 >>62812905 # : Anonymous 03/18/21(Thu)22:16:58 No.62812905 : Anonymous 03/18/21(Thu)22:19:10 No.62812931 U.S. literacy 36% 34% + 7th grade and below 8th grade and above > 14% 12% 4% Na 2013 PIAAC, Program for the International Assessment of Adult Competencies chart-5.png 72 KB PNG >>62812821 # Now we know why Americans are still talking about Harry f------ Potter past the age of 20
: Anonymous 03/18/21(Thu)22:02:32 No.62812721 >is the most powerful country on the planet >over half of its population can't even f------ read 1.58 MB PNG 9 Replies / 3 Images View Thread : Anonymous 03/18/21(Thu)22:08:31 No.62812813 : Anonymous 03/18/21(Thu)22:09:31 No.62812821 >>62812931 # : Anonymous 03/18/21(Thu)22:13:47 No.62812869 >>62812905 # : Anonymous 03/18/21(Thu)22:16:58 No.62812905 : Anonymous 03/18/21(Thu)22:19:10 No.62812931 U.S. literacy 36% 34% + 7th grade and below 8th grade and above > 14% 12% 4% Na 2013 PIAAC, Program for the International Assessment of Adult Competencies chart-5.png 72 KB PNG >>62812821 # Now we know why Americans are still talking about Harry f------ Potter past the age of 20

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Anon watches porn | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/28/17(Fri)01:23:51 No.740283136 So this came from a golden conversation with a friend of mine. Enjoy! >Be me >Texting with friend >Be talking about meme s--- 38 KB JPG >Call him a redditfag >He calls me a moms basement dwelling trap fapping f----- who argues traps arent gay >Respond "Traps are gay. And i fap to normal p--- not traps" >He responds "We are all traps" >"We are 50% male genes from father and 50% female genes from mother" >"So fapping to real people is gay" >AhOkey.jpeg >Say "That means everyone is gay" >He responds "S---" >Say "So what about hentai, no genes there just pixels" >"Most hentai involves intercourse so it implies gayness" >Ask "What about tentacle?" >he responds "EUREKA" >"Tentacle p--- is only acceptable p---" >Victory.jpeg
: Anonymous 07/28/17(Fri)01:23:51 No.740283136 So this came from a golden conversation with a friend of mine. Enjoy! >Be me >Texting with friend >Be talking about meme s--- 38 KB JPG >Call him a redditfag >He calls me a moms basement dwelling trap fapping f----- who argues traps arent gay >Respond "Traps are gay. And i fap to normal p--- not traps" >He responds "We are all traps" >"We are 50% male genes from father and 50% female genes from mother" >"So fapping to real people is gay" >AhOkey.jpeg >Say "That means everyone is gay" >He responds "S---" >Say "So what about hentai, no genes there just pixels" >"Most hentai involves intercourse so it implies gayness" >Ask "What about tentacle?" >he responds "EUREKA" >"Tentacle p--- is only acceptable p---" >Victory.jpeg

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Anon gets cucked | /r/Greentext

CYANI Cucked by life >grew up in a eastern european village >only like 10 kids in the entire village, house is near the woods, very rustic >first neighbor is a tomboy with short hair one year older than me >play together since 3-4 years of age, no computers or consoles so all we do is play outside and explore and fight >typical kid b------- immitating adults, keep talking how we'll get married, even kiss even though we dont even understand what kissing is >computers become a thing, she gets one because they are rich, play harry potter all day sharing one chair >we get old enough to go to school so she helps me by sharing notes because 1 year ahead, and my family moves away when I have to go to 3rd grade >no cellphones because 90s >lose contact, see each other only during summer break while l visit babushka >grow apart from seeing each other so little >still keep thinking about her, call eachother sometimes on hardline phone >eventually she comes out as lesbian >mfw
CYANI Cucked by life >grew up in a eastern european village >only like 10 kids in the entire village, house is near the woods, very rustic >first neighbor is a tomboy with short hair one year older than me >play together since 3-4 years of age, no computers or consoles so all we do is play outside and explore and fight >typical kid b------- immitating adults, keep talking how we'll get married, even kiss even though we dont even understand what kissing is >computers become a thing, she gets one because they are rich, play harry potter all day sharing one chair >we get old enough to go to school so she helps me by sharing notes because 1 year ahead, and my family moves away when I have to go to 3rd grade >no cellphones because 90s >lose contact, see each other only during summer break while l visit babushka >grow apart from seeing each other so little >still keep thinking about her, call eachother sometimes on hardline phone >eventually she comes out as lesbian >mfw

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Lost in Digestion | /r/Greentext

File: a0453973365_10.jpg (193 KB, 1000x1000) Anonymous 03/18/21(Thu)17:38:16 No.62809336 [Reply] >>62809454 >>62810140 >>62810158 >>62810172 > Be me about 6 years ago > Dumbass 15 year old trying to find any way to fit in > Group of cool kids all start to hang out with me out of nowhere > Can't figure out why > After a few weeks convinced it's not some practical joke > Endorphins finally start flowing > "Is this what it means to be human?" > Other popular kid approaches me > Am I double lucky > "Hey anon, just a heads up. Those guys are only hanging out with you because they know you're on ritalin. They're supplier got caught by the school giving away his and they're gonna try to get you to do the same" > Of f------ corse > Decide to play along until the day comes > Popuhot calls me one day before school > "Hey anon, you're on ritalin, right. It would be totally awesome if you could share some with us." > "Sure becky, I'm fine with that" > Bring baggie of pills to school > "Hey, anon, these are a different color." > "Yeah, I'm on the generic because l'm poor haha" > They all laugh and leave me. > Mfw I just gave them a bag of my Dad's IBS medicine that I've been stealing in anticipation of this moment. I3D Most of them got really sick that day and in the days after. One threw up in class and apparently Becky got so constipated she had to be taken to the doctor. Of course, none of them told anyone why this was happening and they all thought my poor kid ritalin got them sick.
File: a0453973365_10.jpg (193 KB, 1000x1000) Anonymous 03/18/21(Thu)17:38:16 No.62809336 [Reply] >>62809454 >>62810140 >>62810158 >>62810172 > Be me about 6 years ago > Dumbass 15 year old trying to find any way to fit in > Group of cool kids all start to hang out with me out of nowhere > Can't figure out why > After a few weeks convinced it's not some practical joke > Endorphins finally start flowing > "Is this what it means to be human?" > Other popular kid approaches me > Am I double lucky > "Hey anon, just a heads up. Those guys are only hanging out with you because they know you're on ritalin. They're supplier got caught by the school giving away his and they're gonna try to get you to do the same" > Of f------ corse > Decide to play along until the day comes > Popuhot calls me one day before school > "Hey anon, you're on ritalin, right. It would be totally awesome if you could share some with us." > "Sure becky, I'm fine with that" > Bring baggie of pills to school > "Hey, anon, these are a different color." > "Yeah, I'm on the generic because l'm poor haha" > They all laugh and leave me. > Mfw I just gave them a bag of my Dad's IBS medicine that I've been stealing in anticipation of this moment. I3D Most of them got really sick that day and in the days after. One threw up in class and apparently Becky got so constipated she had to be taken to the doctor. Of course, none of them told anyone why this was happening and they all thought my poor kid ritalin got them sick.

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Empire Wasted | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous O European """banter""(...) 03/18/21(Thu)19:52:57 No.141470314 >Imao 500k Americans dead from covid now, why are your people so fat and retarded? Don't they believe in masks? >"h-haha, speaking of retarded how's Brexit going" 447 KB PNG >TOO F------ SOON M8 MOST RACIST DISASTROUS DECISION OUR COUNTRY EVER MADE WHY ARE ALL AMERICANS SO UNFUNNY LEARN HOW TO BANTER CAN DISH IT BUT CANT TAKE IT Seriously? Lmao. I've never met touchier people than Europeans. Can a European explain to me what banter is? inb4 Brits arent European
: Anonymous O European """banter""(...) 03/18/21(Thu)19:52:57 No.141470314 >Imao 500k Americans dead from covid now, why are your people so fat and retarded? Don't they believe in masks? >"h-haha, speaking of retarded how's Brexit going" 447 KB PNG >TOO F------ SOON M8 MOST RACIST DISASTROUS DECISION OUR COUNTRY EVER MADE WHY ARE ALL AMERICANS SO UNFUNNY LEARN HOW TO BANTER CAN DISH IT BUT CANT TAKE IT Seriously? Lmao. I've never met touchier people than Europeans. Can a European explain to me what banter is? inb4 Brits arent European

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Anon likes bionicle | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/13/21(Wed)18:30:08 No.61847196 ► >be me >be 10 >at friends house >really need a s--- but too shy to go downstairs and walk past his family >ITS COMING >HOLD IT >a little turtle head pops out and rolls down my trouser leg without me realising >we're playing lego or some s--- >friend picks up a small black ball >oh s--- >literally oh s--- >he doesnt know what it is >he keeps lightly squeezing it >ask to have a look >he passes me it >i throw it out of the open window immediately and tell him it was old chocolate Anyway then i nicked some bionicle
Anonymous 01/13/21(Wed)18:30:08 No.61847196 ► >be me >be 10 >at friends house >really need a s--- but too shy to go downstairs and walk past his family >ITS COMING >HOLD IT >a little turtle head pops out and rolls down my trouser leg without me realising >we're playing lego or some s--- >friend picks up a small black ball >oh s--- >literally oh s--- >he doesnt know what it is >he keeps lightly squeezing it >ask to have a look >he passes me it >i throw it out of the open window immediately and tell him it was old chocolate Anyway then i nicked some bionicle

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Anon gets toothpaste on his dick | /r/Greentext

>>62811602 (OP) # similar story >be me >a month ago >hadn't slept in 4 days >wandering around my apartment 40 KB JPG in a daze confused on what to do >was hallucinating at this part, heard a voice tell me to shave since I was dirty >l never shave but it felt right this time >walk into bathroom >slide into shower, turn the water on and get it hot >apply shaving cream and start rubbing it all over my balls >"damnthatfeelsgood" >keep doing it for a while >eventually rub the shaving cream all over my body >blink especially long and feel my eyes burn >look down at myself >toothpaste >it's f------ toothpaste >I don't even have f------ shaving cream, I use | soap to shave >I'm literally covered in toothpaste >panic >start to desperately scrub myself and my toothpaste covered balls and c--- >the toothpaste gets into my d--- >it burns >dear god it burns >eventually scrub myself clean >went to sleep shortly after >still smell like toothpaste sleep deprivation can make man do incredible things
>>62811602 (OP) # similar story >be me >a month ago >hadn't slept in 4 days >wandering around my apartment 40 KB JPG in a daze confused on what to do >was hallucinating at this part, heard a voice tell me to shave since I was dirty >l never shave but it felt right this time >walk into bathroom >slide into shower, turn the water on and get it hot >apply shaving cream and start rubbing it all over my balls >"damnthatfeelsgood" >keep doing it for a while >eventually rub the shaving cream all over my body >blink especially long and feel my eyes burn >look down at myself >toothpaste >it's f------ toothpaste >I don't even have f------ shaving cream, I use | soap to shave >I'm literally covered in toothpaste >panic >start to desperately scrub myself and my toothpaste covered balls and c--- >the toothpaste gets into my d--- >it burns >dear god it burns >eventually scrub myself clean >went to sleep shortly after >still smell like toothpaste sleep deprivation can make man do incredible things

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dying of cringe rn | /r/Greentext

>tfw i went through a cowboy phase >become obsessed with movies like The Searchers, Unforgiven and True Grit >actually wore a cowboy hat and a long leather trench coat to high school >would chew a tooth pick and tip my hat at girls >see people from school years later in the street. 17.9 kB PNG >they say "Howdy partner!" before bursting into laughter What was I thinking?
>tfw i went through a cowboy phase >become obsessed with movies like The Searchers, Unforgiven and True Grit >actually wore a cowboy hat and a long leather trench coat to high school >would chew a tooth pick and tip my hat at girls >see people from school years later in the street. 17.9 kB PNG >they say "Howdy partner!" before bursting into laughter What was I thinking?

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Anon sleeps at a gas station | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/18/21(Thu)10:07:34 No.849899934 >be me >stop at gas station to rest after a long drive >wake up >have to s--- insanely bad >never felt like this before 18 KB JPG >run into gas station at full sprint >rush to bathroom whilst knocking over s--- >s--- like never before >splatters and traumatizes that gas station toilet >smells horrible >f----- in the stall next to me audibly gagging >leave >feelsgoodman True story Pic related
: Anonymous 03/18/21(Thu)10:07:34 No.849899934 >be me >stop at gas station to rest after a long drive >wake up >have to s--- insanely bad >never felt like this before 18 KB JPG >run into gas station at full sprint >rush to bathroom whilst knocking over s--- >s--- like never before >splatters and traumatizes that gas station toilet >smells horrible >f----- in the stall next to me audibly gagging >leave >feelsgoodman True story Pic related

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Anon as peculiar interest. | /r/Greentext

Story From Past Anonymous 03/18/21(Thu)18:42:22 No >Highschool 10th grade >Find coin in gym class >Flip it all period >Bring back to school everyday flipping it >Become obsessed with coins >Reasearch Coins and study them >Also get get good at coin tricks >Become resident coin expert at school >Called Coinboy >Everyone brings me coins daily >Sometimes get rare coins >Get rich for high schooler/steady flow of income >Get other people interested in coins >Create a coin empire
Story From Past Anonymous 03/18/21(Thu)18:42:22 No >Highschool 10th grade >Find coin in gym class >Flip it all period >Bring back to school everyday flipping it >Become obsessed with coins >Reasearch Coins and study them >Also get get good at coin tricks >Become resident coin expert at school >Called Coinboy >Everyone brings me coins daily >Sometimes get rare coins >Get rich for high schooler/steady flow of income >Get other people interested in coins >Create a coin empire

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Anon is Chad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/04/17(Mon)05:29:14 No.41552733 >mfw I am Chad but I have psychological problems so i am stuck here with you dumb virgins 152 KB PNG
: Anonymous 12/04/17(Mon)05:29:14 No.41552733 >mfw I am Chad but I have psychological problems so i am stuck here with you dumb virgins 152 KB PNG

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Anon had a good time at therapy | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/15/21(Mon)06:34:56 No.62758949 What are some personal wins you've had, anon? >last week >talking to stupid f----- therapist on 24 KB JPG Zoom >he keeps going over the same dumb s--- about depression even though i've told him multiple times that my OCD is why i want to kill myself >you could tell he was only there for a paycheck >was in a really bad mood that day >interrupt him in the middle of a ramble and call him a f------- cocksucker >he's f------ speechless >i leave the zoom meeting and go back to jacking off again Was pretty fun considering I've never really stood up for myself.
: Anonymous 03/15/21(Mon)06:34:56 No.62758949 What are some personal wins you've had, anon? >last week >talking to stupid f----- therapist on 24 KB JPG Zoom >he keeps going over the same dumb s--- about depression even though i've told him multiple times that my OCD is why i want to kill myself >you could tell he was only there for a paycheck >was in a really bad mood that day >interrupt him in the middle of a ramble and call him a f------- cocksucker >he's f------ speechless >i leave the zoom meeting and go back to jacking off again Was pretty fun considering I've never really stood up for myself.

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Anon cleans his room | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/18/21(Thu)08:36:30 No.849893234 >be me >is 18 and live with a roommate >roommate loves godzilla s--- >never cleans his room >his room is filled with godzilla s--- >looks exactly like a neckbeard nest except filled with godzilla 38 KB JPG figurines and s--- >one day decide to clean the house alone >whilst cleaning, i smelled a weird scent coming from under the bed >i decide to dig out the garbage under the bed out of curiosity >finds a almost 1 foot c-- vial with godzilla in it >vomit.jpeg >immediately calls him and ask w-- is that >tells me a long story on how every time he jacked off he would deposit into the jar >mfw Tldr roommate had a godzilla c-- vial
: Anonymous 03/18/21(Thu)08:36:30 No.849893234 >be me >is 18 and live with a roommate >roommate loves godzilla s--- >never cleans his room >his room is filled with godzilla s--- >looks exactly like a neckbeard nest except filled with godzilla 38 KB JPG figurines and s--- >one day decide to clean the house alone >whilst cleaning, i smelled a weird scent coming from under the bed >i decide to dig out the garbage under the bed out of curiosity >finds a almost 1 foot c-- vial with godzilla in it >vomit.jpeg >immediately calls him and ask w-- is that >tells me a long story on how every time he jacked off he would deposit into the jar >mfw Tldr roommate had a godzilla c-- vial

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Anon is popular | /r/Greentext

>block every contact on my phone >play videogames for 6+ hours >"47 missed calls from unknown" what do 120 KB JPG
>block every contact on my phone >play videogames for 6+ hours >"47 missed calls from unknown" what do 120 KB JPG

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People from the outside | /r/Greentext

File: 1928374619893.png (1.59 MB, 1298x1286) Anonymous 03/18/21(Thu)13:49:58 No.849896274 >>849896429 >>849896655 >>849896899 >>849899425 >at a posh restaurant >on a date with girl >her idea i never been here >meal was ok >overpriced but the view made up for it >enjoy hearing her laugh >sympathetically at my jokes >good experience >wait >she still has chips on her plate >ask her if i can have them >she says no >"its rude to clean the plate of all food" >notices my plate is clean >she moves some chips from her plate >tells me not to eat them >ask her why its rude >"oh it's just like cause you know how it is" >me pic related, but white >i do not ask again even though i want to >she calls a cab >i walk home without a kiss is this girl retarded or is this what outside people do in nice restaurants? Anonymous 03/18/21(Thu)13:53:40 No.849896429 >>849896663 >>849896726 >>849896947 >>849896274 (OP) She must be the only one that didn't get the "muh starving n------ in Africa" speech from her parents when she was young
File: 1928374619893.png (1.59 MB, 1298x1286) Anonymous 03/18/21(Thu)13:49:58 No.849896274 >>849896429 >>849896655 >>849896899 >>849899425 >at a posh restaurant >on a date with girl >her idea i never been here >meal was ok >overpriced but the view made up for it >enjoy hearing her laugh >sympathetically at my jokes >good experience >wait >she still has chips on her plate >ask her if i can have them >she says no >"its rude to clean the plate of all food" >notices my plate is clean >she moves some chips from her plate >tells me not to eat them >ask her why its rude >"oh it's just like cause you know how it is" >me pic related, but white >i do not ask again even though i want to >she calls a cab >i walk home without a kiss is this girl retarded or is this what outside people do in nice restaurants? Anonymous 03/18/21(Thu)13:53:40 No.849896429 >>849896663 >>849896726 >>849896947 >>849896274 (OP) She must be the only one that didn't get the "muh starving n------ in Africa" speech from her parents when she was young

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Anon slaps a table | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/18/21(Thu)22:20:07 No.849922467 >be me >autist >slapping the table because bored >There is a 1 in roughly 5.2 to the 61st power chance that if you were to slap a table, all of the molecules in your hand and the table would miss each other and your hand would go through it. Mene State nienity SAD PEMO I 28 KB JPG >it happened >damn that was weird >keep slapping table
: Anonymous 03/18/21(Thu)22:20:07 No.849922467 >be me >autist >slapping the table because bored >There is a 1 in roughly 5.2 to the 61st power chance that if you were to slap a table, all of the molecules in your hand and the table would miss each other and your hand would go through it. Mene State nienity SAD PEMO I 28 KB JPG >it happened >damn that was weird >keep slapping table

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Anon's request | /r/Greentext

1551751881455.png 145 KB PNG Looking for a loli green text about a guy going on a road trip and gets his 12 year old sister to sit on his lap and he c--- his pants, anyone got it? Anonymous 03/26/19(Tue)02:01:19 No.795905762 >>795905672 (OP) # >be me >road trip with 12 year old sister >cummed in my pants >>795905885 # >>795907574 # : Anonymous 03/26/19(Tue)02:02:48 No.795905885 >>795905762 # that was it. thanks >>795906100 #
1551751881455.png 145 KB PNG Looking for a loli green text about a guy going on a road trip and gets his 12 year old sister to sit on his lap and he c--- his pants, anyone got it? Anonymous 03/26/19(Tue)02:01:19 No.795905762 >>795905672 (OP) # >be me >road trip with 12 year old sister >cummed in my pants >>795905885 # >>795907574 # : Anonymous 03/26/19(Tue)02:02:48 No.795905885 >>795905762 # that was it. thanks >>795906100 #

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The Legend of the Plague Doctor | /r/Greentext

-) O Legend of the Plague Doctor Anonymous >Dress up as plague doctor. >Walk down street to McDonalds. >Enter, walk to counter. >Hot blond girl turns around and screams. >Put on deep voice. >"DO NOT BE AFRAID, CHILDI" >Wave arms, leap onto counter. >Kickover register and charity jar. >Raise hands into air. >"PURRRRIFFFFYYYYYYYYY!" >Manager storms in, appears angry. >Moonwalk. >Kick fat kid's McFlurry from hands. >"You are fat. You need not this." >Tip hat to manager, jump from counter. >Head for door, see bitch/hot girl from high school. >She has fries, is staring with gaping jaw. >Sprint to her. >Grab her fries, slap her. >Manager shouts, tries to grab hat. >Spin around, slap him across face. >"UNHAND ME, MALE OF BROWN SKIN!" >Sparta kick the door. >Run out of store. >Walk the dinosaur. >Go home, leave without costume. >Return to McDonald's, see sign with "no dogs allowed" stuff. >See picture of plague doctor with cross-out thing on it. >LOL.
-) O Legend of the Plague Doctor Anonymous >Dress up as plague doctor. >Walk down street to McDonalds. >Enter, walk to counter. >Hot blond girl turns around and screams. >Put on deep voice. >"DO NOT BE AFRAID, CHILDI" >Wave arms, leap onto counter. >Kickover register and charity jar. >Raise hands into air. >"PURRRRIFFFFYYYYYYYYY!" >Manager storms in, appears angry. >Moonwalk. >Kick fat kid's McFlurry from hands. >"You are fat. You need not this." >Tip hat to manager, jump from counter. >Head for door, see bitch/hot girl from high school. >She has fries, is staring with gaping jaw. >Sprint to her. >Grab her fries, slap her. >Manager shouts, tries to grab hat. >Spin around, slap him across face. >"UNHAND ME, MALE OF BROWN SKIN!" >Sparta kick the door. >Run out of store. >Walk the dinosaur. >Go home, leave without costume. >Return to McDonald's, see sign with "no dogs allowed" stuff. >See picture of plague doctor with cross-out thing on it. >LOL.

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Anon is american | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/18/21(Thu)17:23:04 No.849904033 >be me >be american >go to college >break my leg >no insurance >become homeless 71 KB PNG
: Anonymous 03/18/21(Thu)17:23:04 No.849904033 >be me >be american >go to college >break my leg >no insurance >become homeless 71 KB PNG

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Anon ponders on Polish | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/06/18(Mon)18:50:29 No.776429909 >when girls remove polish with chemicals no one bats an eye However.. >when nazi's remove the Polish 234 KB JPG with chemicals everyone goes a------
: Anonymous 08/06/18(Mon)18:50:29 No.776429909 >when girls remove polish with chemicals no one bats an eye However.. >when nazi's remove the Polish 234 KB JPG with chemicals everyone goes a------

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