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Eye of the beerholder | /r/Greentext

File: 63783387.png (83 KB, 790x773) Anonymous 03/19/21(Fri)15:22:10 No.62822729 [Reply] >>62822766 >want to know if i'm too ugly for a prostitute and if they would reject my money if i went to one >need a woman to tell me the cold hard truth >go to female places on reddit >make an account and DM some women asking if they could tell me if they think a prostitute would accept my money or reject me based on how i look >dm 50 women >2 of them respond >"thats so creepy, you sound like a creep" >"im not going to support the r--- of women by answering your question" this is proving more difficult than i thought.
File: 63783387.png (83 KB, 790x773) Anonymous 03/19/21(Fri)15:22:10 No.62822729 [Reply] >>62822766 >want to know if i'm too ugly for a prostitute and if they would reject my money if i went to one >need a woman to tell me the cold hard truth >go to female places on reddit >make an account and DM some women asking if they could tell me if they think a prostitute would accept my money or reject me based on how i look >dm 50 women >2 of them respond >"thats so creepy, you sound like a creep" >"im not going to support the r--- of women by answering your question" this is proving more difficult than i thought.

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Anon speaks no lies | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/19/21(Fri)21:16:58 No.850028968 >be me >watching smash bros tourney >sonic is playing and everyone is bitching >"hes ruining the game" "nintendo plz ban" >say "you could groom a kid and have more fans than a sonic main" 64 KB JPG >get banned
: Anonymous 03/19/21(Fri)21:16:58 No.850028968 >be me >watching smash bros tourney >sonic is playing and everyone is bitching >"hes ruining the game" "nintendo plz ban" >say "you could groom a kid and have more fans than a sonic main" 64 KB JPG >get banned

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Anon has good taste in music | /r/Greentext

File: Capture.png (681 KB, 455x695) O Anonymous 03/20/21(Sat)02:37:05 No.850049447 >be good looking >good artist >make good rap songs >dress very amazing pic unrelated
File: Capture.png (681 KB, 455x695) O Anonymous 03/20/21(Sat)02:37:05 No.850049447 >be good looking >good artist >make good rap songs >dress very amazing pic unrelated

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Anon worships his god | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 03/19/21(Fri)14:07:50 No.62819152 ► File: 1596784352340.png (494 KB, 1024x576) 00 >YAAAHHHНННТENGAREEEEE AGGULLLLLLLPLAYMAHJONGSEEN MAYAAANNNNAAAAMMMMMMMIIIIDELHIYYYNNNNNHAGASIYZD NNNNNW NNCHOOONNNNHICHE ENEGTEEESIIIDDDHIMOORAAASAHH YEEEEEAH ННННННННІНННН ННЕЕEYEEEEEEЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕАНННННННННН ERELHEGGGGMONNGOLLLLLCHINGGGISSAYYY YYYYYEZZEEENNBOGGDDDCHIINNNGGHIISSKHAAAAANNNNNGALLLLTMESSNIIIDUNNDDAAAAAAASSSSSGANBOLLLLDDSHIGGGGIIIHU CCHHHHTTEEEEIIIGAZZZZZAAARRRRDELKHIDEEEGARIDSHUVUUUUUSHIGGGHUCCHTTAAAAYYYYY
O Anonymous 03/19/21(Fri)14:07:50 No.62819152 ► File: 1596784352340.png (494 KB, 1024x576) 00 >YAAAHHHНННТENGAREEEEE AGGULLLLLLLPLAYMAHJONGSEEN MAYAAANNNNAAAAMMMMMMMIIIIDELHIYYYNNNNNHAGASIYZD NNNNNW NNCHOOONNNNHICHE ENEGTEEESIIIDDDHIMOORAAASAHH YEEEEEAH ННННННННІНННН ННЕЕEYEEEEEEЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕЕАНННННННННН ERELHEGGGGMONNGOLLLLLCHINGGGISSAYYY YYYYYEZZEEENNBOGGDDDCHIINNNGGHIISSKHAAAAANNNNNGALLLLTMESSNIIIDUNNDDAAAAAAASSSSSGANBOLLLLDDSHIGGGGIIIHU CCHHHHTTEEEEIIIGAZZZZZAAARRRRDELKHIDEEEGARIDSHUVUUUUUSHIGGGHUCCHTTAAAAYYYYY

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Anon is a guard | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 08/13/12(Mon)04:44 No.1509064 12 O00 File: 1344847488943 jpg-(56 KB, 250x275, me at lunch break.jpg) >drinking soda during my break from guarding the train >smart looking fellow with glasses comes around corner, startles me >i accidentally knock the can off the trash can >guard armor makes bending over to get it impossible >don't want to litter, ask fellow with glasses to pick up the can >guard mask distorts voice, making me sound mean >fellow picks up can, throws it at me >helmet gets sticky due to soda >beat man savagely as i don't want to lose my job >hear later he killed dozens of my friends and coworkers. >never drink soda again. Replies to this post: >>150906910 >>150907035
Anonymous 08/13/12(Mon)04:44 No.1509064 12 O00 File: 1344847488943 jpg-(56 KB, 250x275, me at lunch break.jpg) >drinking soda during my break from guarding the train >smart looking fellow with glasses comes around corner, startles me >i accidentally knock the can off the trash can >guard armor makes bending over to get it impossible >don't want to litter, ask fellow with glasses to pick up the can >guard mask distorts voice, making me sound mean >fellow picks up can, throws it at me >helmet gets sticky due to soda >beat man savagely as i don't want to lose my job >hear later he killed dozens of my friends and coworkers. >never drink soda again. Replies to this post: >>150906910 >>150907035

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Anon gets gains | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 850030440 4 min. ago ••• Wholesome greentext thread? >be me > degenerate coomer >lockdown, lose job, stuck at home >spend all day beating my meat >fav thing is going on chat apps and looking for fellow coomers talking about secrets > meet a guy who has a little sister >tells me he wants to f--- her 169.4 kB JPG >shares pics >stacked.jpeg >tells me he wants help to kidnap and r--- her >we start to plan >realize l'm way too fat to pull this off >go on /fit/, read the stick >start to work out, cutting >run up and down my neighborhood >do sprints, picture myself chasing his sister >start "naturally" boosting test >goes on for months >time's coming >gyms reopen >gains.png >much thinner, more jacked st this point >getting more attention from girls >f--- a thick latina waitress off tinder >he asks me if I want to come >tell him no >too focused on gains, no longer want to r--- >latina stays over last weekend >thank you 4chan Pic related
Anonymous | 850030440 4 min. ago ••• Wholesome greentext thread? >be me > degenerate coomer >lockdown, lose job, stuck at home >spend all day beating my meat >fav thing is going on chat apps and looking for fellow coomers talking about secrets > meet a guy who has a little sister >tells me he wants to f--- her 169.4 kB JPG >shares pics >stacked.jpeg >tells me he wants help to kidnap and r--- her >we start to plan >realize l'm way too fat to pull this off >go on /fit/, read the stick >start to work out, cutting >run up and down my neighborhood >do sprints, picture myself chasing his sister >start "naturally" boosting test >goes on for months >time's coming >gyms reopen >gains.png >much thinner, more jacked st this point >getting more attention from girls >f--- a thick latina waitress off tinder >he asks me if I want to come >tell him no >too focused on gains, no longer want to r--- >latina stays over last weekend >thank you 4chan Pic related

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Anon likes Lego | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/18/21(Thu)16:27:10 No.849931312 >in a tight financial spot >get stimmy >buy old lego airport set off ebay that I wanted as a kid 76 KB JPG Thanks uncle joe
: Anonymous 03/18/21(Thu)16:27:10 No.849931312 >in a tight financial spot >get stimmy >buy old lego airport set off ebay that I wanted as a kid 76 KB JPG Thanks uncle joe

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Anon laughs at nissan | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/19/21(Fri)16:12:58 No.62825815 >working at vaccine site >stand outside directing traffic for hours >start thinking about horrible s--- >the country i knew is gone and its corpse being dissolved in acid >the gov't encroaches on my rights 69 KB JPG every passing day >inherited property taxes >work lowered wages to 7.40 an hour >the very few things that I have in this life are problematic to others for reasons >get real sad >see white pickup truck >is smol >its a nissan >mutter to myself ne-ne-nissan >chuckle, It gets me through the day its going to be the same tomorrow and there is no one to tell me its all gonna be alright 2 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 03/19/21(Fri)16:35:28 No.62826088 >>62825815 (OP) # >work lowered wages to 7.40 an hour >tfw get paid 22/hr for working at a vaccine site sorry op. hope you can find better work.
: Anonymous 03/19/21(Fri)16:12:58 No.62825815 >working at vaccine site >stand outside directing traffic for hours >start thinking about horrible s--- >the country i knew is gone and its corpse being dissolved in acid >the gov't encroaches on my rights 69 KB JPG every passing day >inherited property taxes >work lowered wages to 7.40 an hour >the very few things that I have in this life are problematic to others for reasons >get real sad >see white pickup truck >is smol >its a nissan >mutter to myself ne-ne-nissan >chuckle, It gets me through the day its going to be the same tomorrow and there is no one to tell me its all gonna be alright 2 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 03/19/21(Fri)16:35:28 No.62826088 >>62825815 (OP) # >work lowered wages to 7.40 an hour >tfw get paid 22/hr for working at a vaccine site sorry op. hope you can find better work.

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Anon encounters a gypsy | /r/Greentext

20 Re 4 Img JPG 24KB (274 x 253) 3 Replies /gym/stories >be me >at gym lifting as usual >some new gypsy guy comes in >he is the only gypsy guy at the gym >everyone is looking at him cuz f--- em dogs >1 hour later regular comes out screaming someone stole his phone >female gym owner immediately looks at the gypsy, tells him sorry but you have to stay, calls cops >until the cops arrive gypsy is yelling " you are racist, you have no proof you just do this because im a gypsy" trying to make himself the victim >cops arrive >find the phone in his shoes
20 Re 4 Img JPG 24KB (274 x 253) 3 Replies /gym/stories >be me >at gym lifting as usual >some new gypsy guy comes in >he is the only gypsy guy at the gym >everyone is looking at him cuz f--- em dogs >1 hour later regular comes out screaming someone stole his phone >female gym owner immediately looks at the gypsy, tells him sorry but you have to stay, calls cops >until the cops arrive gypsy is yelling " you are racist, you have no proof you just do this because im a gypsy" trying to make himself the victim >cops arrive >find the phone in his shoes

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No man is an island | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 03/19/21(Fri)11:52:27 No.60436498 File: Apu the comfy_guitar player.jpg (332 KB, 1000x670) >>60436577 >>60436649 >>60437425 >>60438587 >>60438685 >>60420376 (OP) # >Be half asleep >Show on hulu finishes and season 6 of love island starts autplaying next >w-- is this.jpg >show is completely absurd and stupid >but their social skills are really good, and it's interesting how they handle awkward situations >The guys are so positive and optimistic >write down some of the lines they use and how they approach situations >yes, I literally have aspergers >Start pretending I'm on the show while at the gym >Talk to some gym qts l'm next to and use lines from the show, while copying their positive attitudes >qts are enjoying me >they go out of their way to come to me and flirtatiously say goodbye and to have a good workout when they are leaving >match with girl on tinder >Use lines and attitude from the show and we set up a date >spend several hours together and sleep together >she tells me I have a nice butt when I'm leaving I feel like I found a cheat code for getting girls, bros
O Anonymous 03/19/21(Fri)11:52:27 No.60436498 File: Apu the comfy_guitar player.jpg (332 KB, 1000x670) >>60436577 >>60436649 >>60437425 >>60438587 >>60438685 >>60420376 (OP) # >Be half asleep >Show on hulu finishes and season 6 of love island starts autplaying next >w-- is this.jpg >show is completely absurd and stupid >but their social skills are really good, and it's interesting how they handle awkward situations >The guys are so positive and optimistic >write down some of the lines they use and how they approach situations >yes, I literally have aspergers >Start pretending I'm on the show while at the gym >Talk to some gym qts l'm next to and use lines from the show, while copying their positive attitudes >qts are enjoying me >they go out of their way to come to me and flirtatiously say goodbye and to have a good workout when they are leaving >match with girl on tinder >Use lines and attitude from the show and we set up a date >spend several hours together and sleep together >she tells me I have a nice butt when I'm leaving I feel like I found a cheat code for getting girls, bros

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Long term affects of 4chan | /r/Greentext

File: pepe is slightly concerned.jpg (37 KB, 780x438) Anonymous 03/19/21(Fri)23:34:44 No.62830042 ► >>62830144 >Someone asks me my name in real life >Accidentally instinctively respond "Anon."
File: pepe is slightly concerned.jpg (37 KB, 780x438) Anonymous 03/19/21(Fri)23:34:44 No.62830042 ► >>62830144 >Someone asks me my name in real life >Accidentally instinctively respond "Anon."

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Circle of trust | /r/Greentext

U Anonymous 03/19/21(Fri)17:09:14 No.60441802 File: 046C99CF-6CD0-4271-8215-8(...).gif (1.51 MB, 425x481) >>60420376 (OP)# >be me >be /fit/ >start wearing wedding ring in public >get more p---- & mires than ever before >l'm not even married >I still live with my mom
U Anonymous 03/19/21(Fri)17:09:14 No.60441802 File: 046C99CF-6CD0-4271-8215-8(...).gif (1.51 MB, 425x481) >>60420376 (OP)# >be me >be /fit/ >start wearing wedding ring in public >get more p---- & mires than ever before >l'm not even married >I still live with my mom

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Through thin and thicc | /r/Greentext

File: 29535182-8414957-Devastat(...).jpg (44 KB, 634x485) O Anonymous 03/19/21(Fri)18:54:56 No.60443269 [Reply] >>60443779 >back home from the gym >gf smoking weed on the couch at 3pm watching Hell's Kitchen as usual >"babe you should take me to the gym next time you go I'm getting kinda chubby" >nah it has sort of a dudebro atmosphere you wouldn't like it >btw have you had dinner? >"ummm I had pizza earlier but I amm a little hungry" >Doordash her pad thai and dumplings >f--- her thiccc ass and thighs all night >mfw
File: 29535182-8414957-Devastat(...).jpg (44 KB, 634x485) O Anonymous 03/19/21(Fri)18:54:56 No.60443269 [Reply] >>60443779 >back home from the gym >gf smoking weed on the couch at 3pm watching Hell's Kitchen as usual >"babe you should take me to the gym next time you go I'm getting kinda chubby" >nah it has sort of a dudebro atmosphere you wouldn't like it >btw have you had dinner? >"ummm I had pizza earlier but I amm a little hungry" >Doordash her pad thai and dumplings >f--- her thiccc ass and thighs all night >mfw

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Anon is a marine | /r/Greentext

File: DoomPepe.jpg (9 KB, 240x210) O S----- jobs thread Anonymous 03/18/21(Thu)22:52:21 No.62813345 >>62813389 > Be me > Grunt in my s------- country's military > Get sent to some wasteland base to guard a bunch of virgins in lab coats > Hear the virgins are f------ with alternative energy > Unless it involves a new crayon flavor idc > Job f------ sucks, only comfort is my pet rabbit that I took with me > Little guy is literally the only thing keeping me going at this point > One day l'm on patrol and I hear a series of explosions > Virgins running everywhere, like half of them are dead or missing > Hear screams coming from down the base > ohfuck.wav > F------ monsters straight out of Fallout are pouring out of the labs >I barely get paid to guard this s-------, so I haul ass back to my room to grab my s--- and gtfo > See blood trail leading to my room > Some Prince Phillip looking demon is eating my rabbit > Fly into a rage, tearing up the demon like Taco Bell tears up an a------ > Check on my rabbit, the little guy is f------ dead > Last escape pod is gone, so f--- it > Grab my shotgun, and start turning the base into an Atlanta Spa > After all the demons are dead, all that's left is some big ass red hole in the side of the base > Go inside, and the f----- closes behind me > mfw I now have to kill demons for eternity because the f------ killed my rabbit >Pic related
File: DoomPepe.jpg (9 KB, 240x210) O S----- jobs thread Anonymous 03/18/21(Thu)22:52:21 No.62813345 >>62813389 > Be me > Grunt in my s------- country's military > Get sent to some wasteland base to guard a bunch of virgins in lab coats > Hear the virgins are f------ with alternative energy > Unless it involves a new crayon flavor idc > Job f------ sucks, only comfort is my pet rabbit that I took with me > Little guy is literally the only thing keeping me going at this point > One day l'm on patrol and I hear a series of explosions > Virgins running everywhere, like half of them are dead or missing > Hear screams coming from down the base > ohfuck.wav > F------ monsters straight out of Fallout are pouring out of the labs >I barely get paid to guard this s-------, so I haul ass back to my room to grab my s--- and gtfo > See blood trail leading to my room > Some Prince Phillip looking demon is eating my rabbit > Fly into a rage, tearing up the demon like Taco Bell tears up an a------ > Check on my rabbit, the little guy is f------ dead > Last escape pod is gone, so f--- it > Grab my shotgun, and start turning the base into an Atlanta Spa > After all the demons are dead, all that's left is some big ass red hole in the side of the base > Go inside, and the f----- closes behind me > mfw I now have to kill demons for eternity because the f------ killed my rabbit >Pic related

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Anon thinks he’s smart | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/05/19(Sun)08:53:46 No.798997613 Hey b >be me > 14 at the beginning of this. >freshman in high school > ab average, getting okay grades but a 25 KB PNG few c's here and there >get bullied by thing 1 and thing 2 constantly >every day they find something new to pick on me about > hear me saying the word " extrapolate “ >hit me in the arm and call me a f-- for using big words that no one needs >tell me use it again in a sentence >"well from my reaction you can extrapolate That hitting me hurt" >he hits me again and I think that's the end of it >oh god no.jpeg > this becomes a new thing, they tease me about big words and tell me to use them > I take solace in the fact that I get better grades then them. And that I'm smart >they get d's >this goes on for a while until one of them caught me using a big word incorrectly and corrects me about it. >apparently my reaction is priceless because they begin to start studying every subject, math, English, science. >purely to then quiz me on it and make fun of me, and beat me up when I gets things wrong. >we are almost to our senior year now and they have been studying non stop to bully me >they start making better grades then me because they actually study non stop >they both graduate valedictorian >l don't. >one of them just became my manager. >l think I might finally do it /b/
: Anonymous 05/05/19(Sun)08:53:46 No.798997613 Hey b >be me > 14 at the beginning of this. >freshman in high school > ab average, getting okay grades but a 25 KB PNG few c's here and there >get bullied by thing 1 and thing 2 constantly >every day they find something new to pick on me about > hear me saying the word " extrapolate “ >hit me in the arm and call me a f-- for using big words that no one needs >tell me use it again in a sentence >"well from my reaction you can extrapolate That hitting me hurt" >he hits me again and I think that's the end of it >oh god no.jpeg > this becomes a new thing, they tease me about big words and tell me to use them > I take solace in the fact that I get better grades then them. And that I'm smart >they get d's >this goes on for a while until one of them caught me using a big word incorrectly and corrects me about it. >apparently my reaction is priceless because they begin to start studying every subject, math, English, science. >purely to then quiz me on it and make fun of me, and beat me up when I gets things wrong. >we are almost to our senior year now and they have been studying non stop to bully me >they start making better grades then me because they actually study non stop >they both graduate valedictorian >l don't. >one of them just became my manager. >l think I might finally do it /b/

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anon plays trumpet | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 849987384 9 мин. назад >/b/ me >trumpet player >live in Chicago >no one can match my boogie style >get ladies, money and booze every day >feelsgoodman.jpg| >one day recieve a letter in the mail >I'm being drafted >can't play my trumpet during basic >feelsbadman.jpg| >finish basic EAT S--- 67,1 kB JPG >get put into some random company >some company B or whateverthefuck >get trumpet >ohyes.png >can only blow bugles >whatbullshitisthis.gif >get depressed >captain notices >drafts a whole f------ band >band gets put in company B >shitsabouttogetreal.mp4 >l meet the band >we start jamming out >I play reveille >the whole company jumps >mfw I realize that I am the boogie woogie bugel boy of company B
Anonymous 849987384 9 мин. назад >/b/ me >trumpet player >live in Chicago >no one can match my boogie style >get ladies, money and booze every day >feelsgoodman.jpg| >one day recieve a letter in the mail >I'm being drafted >can't play my trumpet during basic >feelsbadman.jpg| >finish basic EAT S--- 67,1 kB JPG >get put into some random company >some company B or whateverthefuck >get trumpet >ohyes.png >can only blow bugles >whatbullshitisthis.gif >get depressed >captain notices >drafts a whole f------ band >band gets put in company B >shitsabouttogetreal.mp4 >l meet the band >we start jamming out >I play reveille >the whole company jumps >mfw I realize that I am the boogie woogie bugel boy of company B

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Anon is racist. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/19/21(Fri)11:25:34 No.9508480 >be me >online school >teacher talking about slavery >my stupid ass says "apes together strong" >everyone replies with monke >teacher p----- >what.mp3 >"racial implications" >brain shutting down >mfw im racist
Anonymous 03/19/21(Fri)11:25:34 No.9508480 >be me >online school >teacher talking about slavery >my stupid ass says "apes together strong" >everyone replies with monke >teacher p----- >what.mp3 >"racial implications" >brain shutting down >mfw im racist

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anon learns something new | /r/Greentext

3h (3/19 13:36) · 15790052 >>15767823 >>15770070 >be me >16 years old >parents away for a few days >cook greasy bacon in the morning >cook sausages in the bacon grease for lunch >dinner time - cool more sausages in the grease >see smoke coming from pan >decide to "waft" the smoke away by using the lid to circulate air over the pan >pan bursts into flames >instantly grab the pan and take it to the sink >turn on water >massive flame shoots up to the ceiling >fire thankfully goes out >blinds on the window in front of the sink are melted >go to walmart the next day and get new ones >nobody noticed that the yellow s----- blinds were now nice and brand new white ones
3h (3/19 13:36) · 15790052 >>15767823 >>15770070 >be me >16 years old >parents away for a few days >cook greasy bacon in the morning >cook sausages in the bacon grease for lunch >dinner time - cool more sausages in the grease >see smoke coming from pan >decide to "waft" the smoke away by using the lid to circulate air over the pan >pan bursts into flames >instantly grab the pan and take it to the sink >turn on water >massive flame shoots up to the ceiling >fire thankfully goes out >blinds on the window in front of the sink are melted >go to walmart the next day and get new ones >nobody noticed that the yellow s----- blinds were now nice and brand new white ones

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Anon is a chad | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/12/18(Thu)14:54:55 >never ask anyone out >never get rejected >basically irresistible haha who's the chad now 5 KB JPG
Anonymous 07/12/18(Thu)14:54:55 >never ask anyone out >never get rejected >basically irresistible haha who's the chad now 5 KB JPG

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Anon knows how to pass the time | /r/Greentext

e: 1363302801416.gif-(172 KB, 300x165, 1323187660090.gif) Anonymous 03/14/13(Thu)19:13 No.11884997 Replies: >11885 I'm gay. My dad is not pleased with this fact. Completely homophobic. Half the time his homophobia doesn't even make sense. >Fishing show on TV in the living room >Watching it with mom and dad >Mom: "I don't have the patience for that kind of stuff >Me: "It doesn't feel like too long when you're out there" >Dad: "Time flies when you're a f-----." >Go to my room
e: 1363302801416.gif-(172 KB, 300x165, 1323187660090.gif) Anonymous 03/14/13(Thu)19:13 No.11884997 Replies: >11885 I'm gay. My dad is not pleased with this fact. Completely homophobic. Half the time his homophobia doesn't even make sense. >Fishing show on TV in the living room >Watching it with mom and dad >Mom: "I don't have the patience for that kind of stuff >Me: "It doesn't feel like too long when you're out there" >Dad: "Time flies when you're a f-----." >Go to my room

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