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anon has sex | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/21/21(Sun)18:01:18 No.23809290 >Be me >War Veteran >Sexing at girlfren >Neighborhood kids set off fireworks >BOOM >INCOMING!!! >Dive under bed >Throw on plate carrier and grab AR >Still not wearing pants or undies >Girlfriend tries calm be down >Not working >Starts giving b------ >Starts working >Realize that the sound of her gagging on d--- is the auditory opposite of rockets raining down from that m------------ ridgeline outside of FOB Shank >ВOOM >COME GET THE SMOKE TALI!!! >Mag dump on neighbor kids through window literally blowing my load while blowing my load >Smuggle phone into jail in my prison wallet so I can shitpost while awaiting trial
: Anonymous 03/21/21(Sun)18:01:18 No.23809290 >Be me >War Veteran >Sexing at girlfren >Neighborhood kids set off fireworks >BOOM >INCOMING!!! >Dive under bed >Throw on plate carrier and grab AR >Still not wearing pants or undies >Girlfriend tries calm be down >Not working >Starts giving b------ >Starts working >Realize that the sound of her gagging on d--- is the auditory opposite of rockets raining down from that m------------ ridgeline outside of FOB Shank >ВOOM >COME GET THE SMOKE TALI!!! >Mag dump on neighbor kids through window literally blowing my load while blowing my load >Smuggle phone into jail in my prison wallet so I can shitpost while awaiting trial

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/r9k/ ever so wholesome | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/21/21(Sun)17:35:26 No.62854780 ► >62855750 >be me depressed and s--- feels good >go on this board >realize im doing better than you guys >thanks /r9k/ for boosting my self esteem
Anonymous 03/21/21(Sun)17:35:26 No.62854780 ► >62855750 >be me depressed and s--- feels good >go on this board >realize im doing better than you guys >thanks /r9k/ for boosting my self esteem

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Anon considers alternatives | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/21/21(Sun)20:30:02 No.62856871 ► >62856907 >>62857084 >Use tinder for weeks >Literally 0 matches or likes >Hanging out with friends >decide to switch tinder to search for guys as well as a joke >get 63 likes in less than an hour >Briefly feel attractive and desirable Sh.. should I swallow the f-- pill? Pic unrelated
Anonymous 03/21/21(Sun)20:30:02 No.62856871 ► >62856907 >>62857084 >Use tinder for weeks >Literally 0 matches or likes >Hanging out with friends >decide to switch tinder to search for guys as well as a joke >get 63 likes in less than an hour >Briefly feel attractive and desirable Sh.. should I swallow the f-- pill? Pic unrelated

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Anon is massively confused | /r/Greentext

[Return] [Catalog] [Bottom] File: images.jpg (7 KB, 225x225) is this the real life Anonymous 03/21/21(Sun)09:42:49 No.62847275 >have surgery on leg following workplace accident > they put me under general anesthesia first in order to prep me >wake up 1/2 hour later, get the feeling that I was just rambling on about something >ask my mom in the room what I was just saying >"you were talking about that demon slayer show you like" >realize that i had just described the plot to Demon Slayer out of nowhere while drugged >embarrassing because they don't know i watch anime but whatever >they take me to the operating room and put me under >wake up two hours later to a middle-aged nurse checking me over >get the feeling i was just saying something again >ask what i was talking about >"something about a demon slayer show" F--- >two days later >peek into mom's room to see if she needs anything >she's already on episode two did I ever really wake up
[Return] [Catalog] [Bottom] File: images.jpg (7 KB, 225x225) is this the real life Anonymous 03/21/21(Sun)09:42:49 No.62847275 >have surgery on leg following workplace accident > they put me under general anesthesia first in order to prep me >wake up 1/2 hour later, get the feeling that I was just rambling on about something >ask my mom in the room what I was just saying >"you were talking about that demon slayer show you like" >realize that i had just described the plot to Demon Slayer out of nowhere while drugged >embarrassing because they don't know i watch anime but whatever >they take me to the operating room and put me under >wake up two hours later to a middle-aged nurse checking me over >get the feeling i was just saying something again >ask what i was talking about >"something about a demon slayer show" F--- >two days later >peek into mom's room to see if she needs anything >she's already on episode two did I ever really wake up

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Anon takes the 2x pill | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/21/21(Sun)19:10:33 No.62855991 ► >62856023 >>62856506 >>62856527 >>62856528 >>62856540 >watch all my youtube videos on 2x speed because I'm autistic and impatient for 5 years >everyone says I talk extremely fast now > I never stutter because talking at normal speed feels like talking at half speed for me, so I get more time to think about what I say Take the 2x pill
Anonymous 03/21/21(Sun)19:10:33 No.62855991 ► >62856023 >>62856506 >>62856527 >>62856528 >>62856540 >watch all my youtube videos on 2x speed because I'm autistic and impatient for 5 years >everyone says I talk extremely fast now > I never stutter because talking at normal speed feels like talking at half speed for me, so I get more time to think about what I say Take the 2x pill

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Anon plays TF2 | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 01/04/16(Mon)01:46:55 No.661277454 ITT: Best online gaming experiences >Playing TF2 >Set my name to President Donald Trump >Join red team >Start talking to the guys on my team >Start saying we need to build a wall to keep the terrorists out >Entire team becomes engineers >We fortify the everloving s--- out of our intel room with sentry guns and dispensers >Entire game I was the top player on my team >Vote kicked a kid on our team who said he was Mexican
O Anonymous 01/04/16(Mon)01:46:55 No.661277454 ITT: Best online gaming experiences >Playing TF2 >Set my name to President Donald Trump >Join red team >Start talking to the guys on my team >Start saying we need to build a wall to keep the terrorists out >Entire team becomes engineers >We fortify the everloving s--- out of our intel room with sentry guns and dispensers >Entire game I was the top player on my team >Vote kicked a kid on our team who said he was Mexican

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Anon has a bad day | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/21/21(Sun)21:43:14 No.850171706 >wake up >check phone >accidently open camera >see face >day ruined anyone else know this feel?
Anonymous 03/21/21(Sun)21:43:14 No.850171706 >wake up >check phone >accidently open camera >see face >day ruined anyone else know this feel?

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Anon plays super smash bros | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/21/21(Sun)21:33:59 No.850171125 >be me >casually talk to my twink roommate after football match >invites me to play batsu game on super smash bros >whoever did lose the set,gotta drink 2 vodka shots >after 10 rounds we were super waster and tipsy >we both start feeling an electric current in the air as both our body temperature raised up >we had sex >yesterday >woke up next to him today >cuddle a little cuz why not >we had sex again >It was hot as f---, but I want to kill myself because l'm not a homosexual What do,im not gay and i don't want other people to find out, especially my super-conservative family
Anonymous 03/21/21(Sun)21:33:59 No.850171125 >be me >casually talk to my twink roommate after football match >invites me to play batsu game on super smash bros >whoever did lose the set,gotta drink 2 vodka shots >after 10 rounds we were super waster and tipsy >we both start feeling an electric current in the air as both our body temperature raised up >we had sex >yesterday >woke up next to him today >cuddle a little cuz why not >we had sex again >It was hot as f---, but I want to kill myself because l'm not a homosexual What do,im not gay and i don't want other people to find out, especially my super-conservative family

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Anon's friend almost dies | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 850189907 9 min. ago •.. Alright boys, here's a quick story about the time one of my dearest friends almost died >Be me, 17 >Play tf2 a lot >One day meet another guy, about 21 or so >We start calling an annoying kid a n----- in chat until he leaves >Laugh a lot then become friends >Didn't expect it to last as all tf2 friendships are casual >Thing keeps going, he messages me everyday and we eventually trade instagrams MOCHTON 127.0 kB JPG I know, f----- up right there 1 REPLY 2 IMAGES REPLY 8 min. ago ... Anonymous | 850189977 (continuation) >Turns out he is actually 22, reverse search pictures, no result, this guy seems legit >You can probably see where this is going >Everything goes fine for about a year or so, we talk a lot and become great friends >Tells me about how he got a trad gf and was planning on having kids and everythingi went well for him 61.3 kB JPG >He sent me some money at one point to help me fund my studies >At some point realize this guy is pretty rich >Ask him how he is so rich at such a young age >Reluctant, keep asking but dodges question >Tells me about how he likes to iron naked in front of the tv because f--- all >I remember that in particular because it made me laugh my ass off >Eventually go to Uni, guy wants to fund everything >l tell him that I really don't want free money, it makes me feel bad but I needed a roommate to help me pay for an apartment >Out of the blue offers himself >Not even surprised, that's the kind of s--- he does >Say: what the hell, ok, let's do it >Tell him about my apartment on friday >He comes on sunday, first time meeting in person >Open the door >The dude is 6.3, super fit, wearing a hawaiian shirt, shorts and with a huge smile on his face Anonymous | 850190055 7 min. ago ... >ANO000ON! SA >hug him, we had waited for the day we could m meet for years, never really could cause complications >Guy brings with him his iron >Immediately recall that I still don't know what he does for a job >Eventually gives in and tells me >He works as a hitman >A f------ hitman >Don't believe him at first 460.9 kB PNG >Shows me his computer, and photos he has in his phone for some reason >Beautiful house, illegal guns, 9/10 qtrt >This guy is f------ amazing >Help him unpack his things >At one point ask him about other hitmen >Tells me that actually, it's fairly common for hitmen to hunt eachother, some thing that has to do with competition, sometimes contracts and sometimes even revenge >Tells me they actually tried to kill him multiple times but he always came on top >Also tells me I might have to hide him because he believes a guy nicknamed "The ranger" is looking for him >Mfw >Ask him why he came here then >Tells me It was just a slight suspicion, plus he was well covered and he really wanted to meet me >Not a p---- and love risky things so I just answered with risky things >Fast forward a couple days >Just got out from school, >Three calls lost from friend >Call back, answers yelling >He found him >Hear gunshots through the call >Tells me he's having a shooting inside my apartment with this guy >Automatically connect to a smart tv that has the function of camera >See everything >Fat guy, about 40, behind a counter >See friend grab the iron >He just throws it at the fat guy >Hot, he was ironing, remember when he told me about his hobby, look down and see him naked >He is having a shootout naked inside my apartment >Iron lands on fat guy's leg burns the s--- out if him and sticks >Friend tells me not to worry >Twenty men had tried to kill him >Twenty men had made a slip >Twenty one would be the ranger with >The big iron on his hip >Pic related
Anonymous | 850189907 9 min. ago •.. Alright boys, here's a quick story about the time one of my dearest friends almost died >Be me, 17 >Play tf2 a lot >One day meet another guy, about 21 or so >We start calling an annoying kid a n----- in chat until he leaves >Laugh a lot then become friends >Didn't expect it to last as all tf2 friendships are casual >Thing keeps going, he messages me everyday and we eventually trade instagrams MOCHTON 127.0 kB JPG I know, f----- up right there 1 REPLY 2 IMAGES REPLY 8 min. ago ... Anonymous | 850189977 (continuation) >Turns out he is actually 22, reverse search pictures, no result, this guy seems legit >You can probably see where this is going >Everything goes fine for about a year or so, we talk a lot and become great friends >Tells me about how he got a trad gf and was planning on having kids and everythingi went well for him 61.3 kB JPG >He sent me some money at one point to help me fund my studies >At some point realize this guy is pretty rich >Ask him how he is so rich at such a young age >Reluctant, keep asking but dodges question >Tells me about how he likes to iron naked in front of the tv because f--- all >I remember that in particular because it made me laugh my ass off >Eventually go to Uni, guy wants to fund everything >l tell him that I really don't want free money, it makes me feel bad but I needed a roommate to help me pay for an apartment >Out of the blue offers himself >Not even surprised, that's the kind of s--- he does >Say: what the hell, ok, let's do it >Tell him about my apartment on friday >He comes on sunday, first time meeting in person >Open the door >The dude is 6.3, super fit, wearing a hawaiian shirt, shorts and with a huge smile on his face Anonymous | 850190055 7 min. ago ... >ANO000ON! SA >hug him, we had waited for the day we could m meet for years, never really could cause complications >Guy brings with him his iron >Immediately recall that I still don't know what he does for a job >Eventually gives in and tells me >He works as a hitman >A f------ hitman >Don't believe him at first 460.9 kB PNG >Shows me his computer, and photos he has in his phone for some reason >Beautiful house, illegal guns, 9/10 qtrt >This guy is f------ amazing >Help him unpack his things >At one point ask him about other hitmen >Tells me that actually, it's fairly common for hitmen to hunt eachother, some thing that has to do with competition, sometimes contracts and sometimes even revenge >Tells me they actually tried to kill him multiple times but he always came on top >Also tells me I might have to hide him because he believes a guy nicknamed "The ranger" is looking for him >Mfw >Ask him why he came here then >Tells me It was just a slight suspicion, plus he was well covered and he really wanted to meet me >Not a p---- and love risky things so I just answered with risky things >Fast forward a couple days >Just got out from school, >Three calls lost from friend >Call back, answers yelling >He found him >Hear gunshots through the call >Tells me he's having a shooting inside my apartment with this guy >Automatically connect to a smart tv that has the function of camera >See everything >Fat guy, about 40, behind a counter >See friend grab the iron >He just throws it at the fat guy >Hot, he was ironing, remember when he told me about his hobby, look down and see him naked >He is having a shootout naked inside my apartment >Iron lands on fat guy's leg burns the s--- out if him and sticks >Friend tells me not to worry >Twenty men had tried to kill him >Twenty men had made a slip >Twenty one would be the ranger with >The big iron on his hip >Pic related

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Anon tries online dating | /r/Greentext


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Anon can't find the means to improve. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/21/21(Sun)08:46:33 No.62848347 [Reply] >>6284 >haha just improve guys Imao >cant afford a gym >can barely afford an apartment >college takes years >trades are painful and dangerous >socializing is impossible >artistic endeavors are a waste of time since they wont make you money >cant make my d--- bigger can l? + 40 replies and 4 images omitted. Click here to view.
Anonymous 03/21/21(Sun)08:46:33 No.62848347 [Reply] >>6284 >haha just improve guys Imao >cant afford a gym >can barely afford an apartment >college takes years >trades are painful and dangerous >socializing is impossible >artistic endeavors are a waste of time since they wont make you money >cant make my d--- bigger can l? + 40 replies and 4 images omitted. Click here to view.

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Anon is superior | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/21/21(Sun)18:57:34 No.850160077 >be me >have really retard memory >forget almost everything >my brain can't save anything at all >can rewatch tv shows and movies almost immediately after finishing it without remembering anything >so I have superior chad brain, you have p---- 51 KB JPG virgin brain
: Anonymous 03/21/21(Sun)18:57:34 No.850160077 >be me >have really retard memory >forget almost everything >my brain can't save anything at all >can rewatch tv shows and movies almost immediately after finishing it without remembering anything >so I have superior chad brain, you have p---- 51 KB JPG virgin brain

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>reply⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ | /r/Greentext

>> Anonymous 03/21/21(Sun)06:50:44 No.850126045 ► >>850126632 >>850134833 >>850135776 >>850140773 >>850144702 >>850149924 >>850150643 File: biden 9000.webm (633 KB, 400x400)-[Close] Anonymous 03/21/21(Sun)12:01:32 No.850140773 >>850126045 >file name 0:11 / 0:15 *
>> Anonymous 03/21/21(Sun)06:50:44 No.850126045 ► >>850126632 >>850134833 >>850135776 >>850140773 >>850144702 >>850149924 >>850150643 File: biden 9000.webm (633 KB, 400x400)-[Close] Anonymous 03/21/21(Sun)12:01:32 No.850140773 >>850126045 >file name 0:11 / 0:15 *

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Anon takes a quiz | /r/Greentext

20m (3/21 18:05) · 148373469 O Re · 0 Img · PNG · 315KB · (796 × 611) >take s----- "which character are you from X franchise" quiz >always comes back as female heroine I don't get it bros, I'm het as f--- and don't even fap to traps, what the f--- •..
20m (3/21 18:05) · 148373469 O Re · 0 Img · PNG · 315KB · (796 × 611) >take s----- "which character are you from X franchise" quiz >always comes back as female heroine I don't get it bros, I'm het as f--- and don't even fap to traps, what the f--- •..

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Anon loves salt | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous i'm a salt freak 03/21/21(Sun)13:20:01 No.62850163 >be me >little vitamin deficient freak >i love salt so much >people are always like god man why are you putting salt on that ? >why so much salt?? >what are you doing??? 18 KB PNG >i say NO!!! >what are YOU doing?? >living a lackluster life without the gastronomical delight that is todays common iodized table salt?? >and theyll be all like >ohhh i need to watch my cholesterol >ohhhh i need to avoid sodium blah blah blah >i say NO!!!!! >what you NEED is some god damned salt!!!!
: Anonymous i'm a salt freak 03/21/21(Sun)13:20:01 No.62850163 >be me >little vitamin deficient freak >i love salt so much >people are always like god man why are you putting salt on that ? >why so much salt?? >what are you doing??? 18 KB PNG >i say NO!!! >what are YOU doing?? >living a lackluster life without the gastronomical delight that is todays common iodized table salt?? >and theyll be all like >ohhh i need to watch my cholesterol >ohhhh i need to avoid sodium blah blah blah >i say NO!!!!! >what you NEED is some god damned salt!!!!

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Anon works the suicide hotline | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/20/21(Sat)23:42:32 No.850113519 >Be Suicide hotline receptionist >Kid calls, sounds maybe 13 >"H...h...hello?" > "Thank you for calling the suicide hotline, how may we assist you?" >"I'm not sure what to do." >"Everyday seems like a bad day" > Kid then goes on to say how parents 108 KB JPG physically abuse him, bullied in school, watched sister get r----, Had stuff stolen etc. >"Can you please help me? I just need some motivation" >At this point he's crying >Tell him to grow some thick skin >"Just man up f------." >"W...w..what?" >"Jesus christ you're retarded, go suck a d---." >"That s--- gets you upset?" >"F--- off." >Kid hangs up Did I do good? Pic unrelated
: Anonymous 03/20/21(Sat)23:42:32 No.850113519 >Be Suicide hotline receptionist >Kid calls, sounds maybe 13 >"H...h...hello?" > "Thank you for calling the suicide hotline, how may we assist you?" >"I'm not sure what to do." >"Everyday seems like a bad day" > Kid then goes on to say how parents 108 KB JPG physically abuse him, bullied in school, watched sister get r----, Had stuff stolen etc. >"Can you please help me? I just need some motivation" >At this point he's crying >Tell him to grow some thick skin >"Just man up f------." >"W...w..what?" >"Jesus christ you're retarded, go suck a d---." >"That s--- gets you upset?" >"F--- off." >Kid hangs up Did I do good? Pic unrelated

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Anon makes eye contact | /r/Greentext

File: url.jpg (10 KB, 243x207) Anonymous 03/28/15(Sat)15:27:42 No.606484350 [Reply] » 2606486101 >Be me in high school >be loner >be weirdo >be socially retarded >go to college >decide to work on social skills >start reading about how normies act >see that eye contact is important >see that normies think avoiding eye contact with them is insulting >decide to work on that first >every class of my first semester i sit at front of class >making eye contact with professors >professors giving a lecture >i'm making eye contact >professors answering a question >i'm making eye contact >do this for a few classes >eventually female professors start talking to me about their husbands/boyfriends for some reason >i feel good because people are sharing personal details with me >l feel like my eye contact is working on making me likable >male professors start talking to the class about their wives for some reason >they would always look at me while doing that >i would smile and nod to indicate i am interested in what they have to say (i read that somewhere) >2 years later >not completely a normie but not socially retarded anymore >be laying in bed >suddenly it hits me like 52 tons of bricks >mfw female professors thought that i was attracted to them >mfw male professors thought that i was attracted to them >mfw they would tell me about their So's to get me to stop staring at them >mfw i was sitting at the front of the class. >mfw they were freshmen classes so 100+ students >mfw my whole graduating class thinks that i am either a weirdo into older women or a f----- into older men
File: url.jpg (10 KB, 243x207) Anonymous 03/28/15(Sat)15:27:42 No.606484350 [Reply] » 2606486101 >Be me in high school >be loner >be weirdo >be socially retarded >go to college >decide to work on social skills >start reading about how normies act >see that eye contact is important >see that normies think avoiding eye contact with them is insulting >decide to work on that first >every class of my first semester i sit at front of class >making eye contact with professors >professors giving a lecture >i'm making eye contact >professors answering a question >i'm making eye contact >do this for a few classes >eventually female professors start talking to me about their husbands/boyfriends for some reason >i feel good because people are sharing personal details with me >l feel like my eye contact is working on making me likable >male professors start talking to the class about their wives for some reason >they would always look at me while doing that >i would smile and nod to indicate i am interested in what they have to say (i read that somewhere) >2 years later >not completely a normie but not socially retarded anymore >be laying in bed >suddenly it hits me like 52 tons of bricks >mfw female professors thought that i was attracted to them >mfw male professors thought that i was attracted to them >mfw they would tell me about their So's to get me to stop staring at them >mfw i was sitting at the front of the class. >mfw they were freshmen classes so 100+ students >mfw my whole graduating class thinks that i am either a weirdo into older women or a f----- into older men

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Brother anon takes piss jugs mainstream | /r/Greentext


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Anon hurts neck for greater good | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/20/21(Sat)21:18:50 No.62841977 >slide my car on ice and crash into a tree last year while high and attempting drifting >bail, duct tape it and commute over a year >too poor to get it fixed >one time girl pulls too far into the road looking for a place to turn >see this, stay in my lane anyways and try to cause small accident by bumping her >car spins around, 2 cars behind plow into me >her insurance pays for my new car anyways >tfw can't turn my head all the way to the side anymore
Anonymous 03/20/21(Sat)21:18:50 No.62841977 >slide my car on ice and crash into a tree last year while high and attempting drifting >bail, duct tape it and commute over a year >too poor to get it fixed >one time girl pulls too far into the road looking for a place to turn >see this, stay in my lane anyways and try to cause small accident by bumping her >car spins around, 2 cars behind plow into me >her insurance pays for my new car anyways >tfw can't turn my head all the way to the side anymore

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Anon has a riddle | /r/Greentext

E Anonymous (ID: 51qFoZ0C) 05/02/13(Thu)13:42:29 No.477229176 Replies: >>477229531 >>477230409 >>477228380 I got one >Be freshman in college >first time smoking weed >already trashed on whiskey >twist hard >wonder down to a frat house >post up outside and pretend to be security >brothers let me and eventually leave >asking people for IDs for about an hour >whole time drinking hard liquor >2 cops come up the stairs and ask to come in >ask them for IDs >"We are the f------ cops, we are going to come in." >I say "riddle me this." then proceed to puke on one of them. >They stagger back in shock >Ohfuck > run my drunk ass back to my dorm >Shave my head and beard >see cops every day patrolling the campus >never recognize me I regret nothing
E Anonymous (ID: 51qFoZ0C) 05/02/13(Thu)13:42:29 No.477229176 Replies: >>477229531 >>477230409 >>477228380 I got one >Be freshman in college >first time smoking weed >already trashed on whiskey >twist hard >wonder down to a frat house >post up outside and pretend to be security >brothers let me and eventually leave >asking people for IDs for about an hour >whole time drinking hard liquor >2 cops come up the stairs and ask to come in >ask them for IDs >"We are the f------ cops, we are going to come in." >I say "riddle me this." then proceed to puke on one of them. >They stagger back in shock >Ohfuck > run my drunk ass back to my dorm >Shave my head and beard >see cops every day patrolling the campus >never recognize me I regret nothing

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