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Anon becomes rich with this one simple trick | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/22/21(Mon)19:19:25 No.850243563 >be me >straight >not a lot of money due to covid >gay friend works as a payboy >tells me there are a lot of people looking for young male doms >say f--- it and decide to try it out 198 KB JPG >only through webcam because of the virus >actually don't care about the virus >just don't want to see naked men irl >somehow get clients >don't know what the f--- I do >just call them pieces of s--- and f----- >make close to 5k every month >literally easiest job I ever had W-- /b/ros, why did nobody ever tell me making money could be this easy? 1 Reply View Thread
: Anonymous 03/22/21(Mon)19:19:25 No.850243563 >be me >straight >not a lot of money due to covid >gay friend works as a payboy >tells me there are a lot of people looking for young male doms >say f--- it and decide to try it out 198 KB JPG >only through webcam because of the virus >actually don't care about the virus >just don't want to see naked men irl >somehow get clients >don't know what the f--- I do >just call them pieces of s--- and f----- >make close to 5k every month >literally easiest job I ever had W-- /b/ros, why did nobody ever tell me making money could be this easy? 1 Reply View Thread

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Anon learns to breathe | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Breathing on purpose 03/22/21 (Mon)13:10:21 No.2063338 > be me > recalled from science class that breathing is involuntary > decide to do an experiment > think about breathing > try not to breate > works 37 KB JPG > try to breathe > works >I am in control now > forget how to re engage automatic breathing > cannot breathe unless consciously thinking about it > inhale > exhale > this is my life now > mfw View Thread
: Anonymous Breathing on purpose 03/22/21 (Mon)13:10:21 No.2063338 > be me > recalled from science class that breathing is involuntary > decide to do an experiment > think about breathing > try not to breate > works 37 KB JPG > try to breathe > works >I am in control now > forget how to re engage automatic breathing > cannot breathe unless consciously thinking about it > inhale > exhale > this is my life now > mfw View Thread

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Anon has an android phone | /r/Greentext

Alright 4chin time for a real story >be on long road trip >15 passenger van >all iphones >everyone 157 KB GIF >be only one with android >everyone's batteries dying >all iphones die first >my phone finally falls >hear voice say "Having an android isn't so great anymore is it" >don't even say anything back >pull out wallet >wallet has spare battery >change battery in front of everyone on f----- bus >theirfaceswhen.gif >f--- around on phone rest of trip >apple f------ asking to use superior device >deny everyone >finally arrive at destination >everyone whipping out chargers >sit there with smirk and 73% battery >everyone butthurt and won't talk to me And that's how I lost all my friends
Alright 4chin time for a real story >be on long road trip >15 passenger van >all iphones >everyone 157 KB GIF >be only one with android >everyone's batteries dying >all iphones die first >my phone finally falls >hear voice say "Having an android isn't so great anymore is it" >don't even say anything back >pull out wallet >wallet has spare battery >change battery in front of everyone on f----- bus >theirfaceswhen.gif >f--- around on phone rest of trip >apple f------ asking to use superior device >deny everyone >finally arrive at destination >everyone whipping out chargers >sit there with smirk and 73% battery >everyone butthurt and won't talk to me And that's how I lost all my friends

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Gives me a fuzzy feeling ngl | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 35235100 2 hr ago >Be me a year ago >Parents basically force me to not be a NEET anymore >Gives me ultimatum. If I don't land a job in 2 months I will be kicked out >Panic, go to every store of any kind in a huge radius, dropping a poorly put together "CV' >Do my best to be normie like during all of this. Put on plain color t-shirt, jeans, and wear a cap since I have no idea how to do hair >Manage to land job in a retail store >Full-time >Job is pretty chill. No one there knows me, its like a second beginning. >Generally just talk with coworkers the best I can. Do my best to be nice. >Every time I'm awkward I just own it instead of trying to excuse it. >A year of this goes on. >During christmas, there is a store christmas dinner in town >Go with, because why not. Im not hated by these people. >As the night goes on, I realize I am not excluded or the butt of all the jokes. >My coworkers like me >My parents are proud I have a full time job >l feel like I have my s--- together I think I have started the slow climb to normiedom. Wish me luck
Anonymous 35235100 2 hr ago >Be me a year ago >Parents basically force me to not be a NEET anymore >Gives me ultimatum. If I don't land a job in 2 months I will be kicked out >Panic, go to every store of any kind in a huge radius, dropping a poorly put together "CV' >Do my best to be normie like during all of this. Put on plain color t-shirt, jeans, and wear a cap since I have no idea how to do hair >Manage to land job in a retail store >Full-time >Job is pretty chill. No one there knows me, its like a second beginning. >Generally just talk with coworkers the best I can. Do my best to be nice. >Every time I'm awkward I just own it instead of trying to excuse it. >A year of this goes on. >During christmas, there is a store christmas dinner in town >Go with, because why not. Im not hated by these people. >As the night goes on, I realize I am not excluded or the butt of all the jokes. >My coworkers like me >My parents are proud I have a full time job >l feel like I have my s--- together I think I have started the slow climb to normiedom. Wish me luck

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Anon gets accepted | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/23/19(Fri)08:26:22 No.807817159 >hear that 4chan is filled with elite hackers >open browser and go to 4chan >my laptop camera scans my retina >"permission granted" >holy mackerel these guys are elite! >l get a message on my phone from an unknown number 381 KB JPG >"put all your fingers on the trackpad" >l put my fingers on the trackpad and my fingerprints are burned off >holy f--- >mfw they initiate me into their anti-establishment hacker group >mfw we're going to flip society on their head >lol just kidding >they're just a bunch of retards
: Anonymous 08/23/19(Fri)08:26:22 No.807817159 >hear that 4chan is filled with elite hackers >open browser and go to 4chan >my laptop camera scans my retina >"permission granted" >holy mackerel these guys are elite! >l get a message on my phone from an unknown number 381 KB JPG >"put all your fingers on the trackpad" >l put my fingers on the trackpad and my fingerprints are burned off >holy f--- >mfw they initiate me into their anti-establishment hacker group >mfw we're going to flip society on their head >lol just kidding >they're just a bunch of retards

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Correlation? Causation? | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/22/21(Mon)06:48:47 No.62861902 >>62861905 >Americans go to sleep >all the h--- threads disappear hmmm really makes you think Anonymous 03/22/21(Mon)06:49:29 No.62861905 ► [AWOOING STOPS] >>62861902 (OP) # America is a f-- nation, what else is new?
Anonymous 03/22/21(Mon)06:48:47 No.62861902 >>62861905 >Americans go to sleep >all the h--- threads disappear hmmm really makes you think Anonymous 03/22/21(Mon)06:49:29 No.62861905 ► [AWOOING STOPS] >>62861902 (OP) # America is a f-- nation, what else is new?

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Anon makes a lifelong friend | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/19/15(Mon)19:14:03 No.593700140 File: creamy.jpg (25 KB, 350x250) >>593700838 > 1st grade > on the bus going to school > feel unusual tummy rumbles > toomuchluckycharms.sys > spew rainbow colored vomit all over bus seat > feel much better > Look over to the next seat > little girl is staring at me with a look of pure terror > bus arrives at school > tell girl not to tell anyone > build some dank lego castles later > mfw no one found out it was me Anonymous 01/19/15(Mon)19:17:31 No.593700838 >>593703944 >>593715629 >>593715785 >>593700140 >kindergarten >1st grader vomits rainbows in seat next to me >tells me not to tell anyone >shows me his penis >legit scared now >starts rubbing his penis in cereal vomit >holds up finger and makes 'shhhh' noise >get off bus >see him walking outside later >he is holding 2 legos that are put together >kept saying "look at my castle guys"
Anonymous 01/19/15(Mon)19:14:03 No.593700140 File: creamy.jpg (25 KB, 350x250) >>593700838 > 1st grade > on the bus going to school > feel unusual tummy rumbles > toomuchluckycharms.sys > spew rainbow colored vomit all over bus seat > feel much better > Look over to the next seat > little girl is staring at me with a look of pure terror > bus arrives at school > tell girl not to tell anyone > build some dank lego castles later > mfw no one found out it was me Anonymous 01/19/15(Mon)19:17:31 No.593700838 >>593703944 >>593715629 >>593715785 >>593700140 >kindergarten >1st grader vomits rainbows in seat next to me >tells me not to tell anyone >shows me his penis >legit scared now >starts rubbing his penis in cereal vomit >holds up finger and makes 'shhhh' noise >get off bus >see him walking outside later >he is holding 2 legos that are put together >kept saying "look at my castle guys"

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Anon posts a repost | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/11/20(Fri)15:05:07 No.842084944 >be me >post based greentext >screenshot and crop it >go to r/greentext >post it there for 100k karma >someone else has already posted it >get called a f----- for re-posting 105 KB JPG someone else's post of my post f--- reddit
: Anonymous 12/11/20(Fri)15:05:07 No.842084944 >be me >post based greentext >screenshot and crop it >go to r/greentext >post it there for 100k karma >someone else has already posted it >get called a f----- for re-posting 105 KB JPG someone else's post of my post f--- reddit

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Anon profits from Columbine | /r/Greentext

onymous 12/27/18(Thu)12:26:40 No.788358682 >be me >sophomore in highschool >1999 >picked on EVERY. F------. DAY >always "haha you're a f----- anon" "f--- anon he's weird" "get a life anon" 9 KB JPG >then one day something happened >something magical >FUCKINGCOLUMBINE.Jpeg >suddenly I'm not so weird >suddenly people say “hey anon how you doing today?" "Hey anon there's a party at chads house tonight you should come" >mfw columbine improved my highschool life 500% because these normies thought I was gonna go Library squad on them Felt good man.
onymous 12/27/18(Thu)12:26:40 No.788358682 >be me >sophomore in highschool >1999 >picked on EVERY. F------. DAY >always "haha you're a f----- anon" "f--- anon he's weird" "get a life anon" 9 KB JPG >then one day something happened >something magical >FUCKINGCOLUMBINE.Jpeg >suddenly I'm not so weird >suddenly people say “hey anon how you doing today?" "Hey anon there's a party at chads house tonight you should come" >mfw columbine improved my highschool life 500% because these normies thought I was gonna go Library squad on them Felt good man.

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Anon Asks a Question | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/22/21(Mon)08:25:03 No.850224142 dafuq? >parents wont let me take the vaccine >they have seen SCIENTIFIC FACEBOOK VIDEOS > what do 148 KB PNG 17 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous 03/22/21(Mon)08:25:03 No.850224142 dafuq? >parents wont let me take the vaccine >they have seen SCIENTIFIC FACEBOOK VIDEOS > what do 148 KB PNG 17 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon has a Plan | /r/Greentext

21m (3/22 11:41) · 549054285 17 Re · 5 Img · PNG · 970KB · (1200 × 1100) 4 Replies >Playing vidya with friend >"Whoever loses has to follow the winner's orders for 24 hours" >Lose on purpose >l turn into his pet for 24 hours and suck his c--- while being humiliated I'm literally the smartest ... やれやれ… つ%n こぁ 向日葵は
21m (3/22 11:41) · 549054285 17 Re · 5 Img · PNG · 970KB · (1200 × 1100) 4 Replies >Playing vidya with friend >"Whoever loses has to follow the winner's orders for 24 hours" >Lose on purpose >l turn into his pet for 24 hours and suck his c--- while being humiliated I'm literally the smartest ... やれやれ… つ%n こぁ 向日葵は

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Anon has pets | /r/Greentext

File: Cat and dog png (167 KB, 296x300) Anonymous (ID: W7ikIM6K) 08/06/14(Wed)13:25:02 No.560918306 >Be living with myself and my two pets, a cat and a dog >Dog barks at everything and cat never gives a f--- about anything or anyone >Be asleep >Hear my dog barking >notagain.jpeg >He shuts up after 30 seconds >l try to fall asleep again >After two minutes my dog start barking again like crazy >l go down to tell him to shut up >When I get down there is a freaking burglar on the bookshelf >Ski mask and all >On the floor lies a gun >Beneath bookshelf is my dog barking and jumping up after him >On the couch sits my cat looking like he found my tuna stash >l call the police >They arrest the guy >I give my dog a sausage for being a good guard dog >A couple of days later a guy calls from the station >During the interrogation the burglar admitted that he broke into my house, kicked my cat and lured my dog into a closet >My dog jumped him two minutes later >The burglar didn't know my dog can open doors >He can't >My cat being "f--- everyone else"-king of the house can though >Taught himself so he can come and go as he please >My cat must had become p----- and released my dog so he could attack the burglar >MFW my cat is a d--- >MFW I added animal cruelty to the charges
File: Cat and dog png (167 KB, 296x300) Anonymous (ID: W7ikIM6K) 08/06/14(Wed)13:25:02 No.560918306 >Be living with myself and my two pets, a cat and a dog >Dog barks at everything and cat never gives a f--- about anything or anyone >Be asleep >Hear my dog barking >notagain.jpeg >He shuts up after 30 seconds >l try to fall asleep again >After two minutes my dog start barking again like crazy >l go down to tell him to shut up >When I get down there is a freaking burglar on the bookshelf >Ski mask and all >On the floor lies a gun >Beneath bookshelf is my dog barking and jumping up after him >On the couch sits my cat looking like he found my tuna stash >l call the police >They arrest the guy >I give my dog a sausage for being a good guard dog >A couple of days later a guy calls from the station >During the interrogation the burglar admitted that he broke into my house, kicked my cat and lured my dog into a closet >My dog jumped him two minutes later >The burglar didn't know my dog can open doors >He can't >My cat being "f--- everyone else"-king of the house can though >Taught himself so he can come and go as he please >My cat must had become p----- and released my dog so he could attack the burglar >MFW my cat is a d--- >MFW I added animal cruelty to the charges

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Imagine not understanding | /r/Greentext

File: Recieved_202103220548.png (13 KB, 632x475) Anonymous 03/22/21(Mon)05:51:17 No.850207925 >>850209423 >>850209483 >>850209539 my girlfriend sent me this, what does it mean, something to do with her period? Anonymous 03/22/21(Mon)05:52:01 No.850207966 ► >850208300 Are you stupid it something? Anonymous 03/22/21(Mon)05:52:13 No.850207978 > >>850208300 its called art Anonymous 03/22/21(Mon)05:53:01 No.850208027 >>850208300 How do you not understand Anonymous 03/22/21(Mon)05:57:04 No.850208237 2>850208300 File: 37250874727852973456.jpg (10 KB, 236x230) >he doesn't know what it means Anonymous 03/22/21(Mon)06:16:02 No.850209299 is it red stripes on white background or white stripes on red background? Anonymous 03/22/21(Mon)06:20:34 No.850209539 >>850207925 (OP) Means she's getting f----- by someone with a bigger d--- than you
File: Recieved_202103220548.png (13 KB, 632x475) Anonymous 03/22/21(Mon)05:51:17 No.850207925 >>850209423 >>850209483 >>850209539 my girlfriend sent me this, what does it mean, something to do with her period? Anonymous 03/22/21(Mon)05:52:01 No.850207966 ► >850208300 Are you stupid it something? Anonymous 03/22/21(Mon)05:52:13 No.850207978 > >>850208300 its called art Anonymous 03/22/21(Mon)05:53:01 No.850208027 >>850208300 How do you not understand Anonymous 03/22/21(Mon)05:57:04 No.850208237 2>850208300 File: 37250874727852973456.jpg (10 KB, 236x230) >he doesn't know what it means Anonymous 03/22/21(Mon)06:16:02 No.850209299 is it red stripes on white background or white stripes on red background? Anonymous 03/22/21(Mon)06:20:34 No.850209539 >>850207925 (OP) Means she's getting f----- by someone with a bigger d--- than you

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Anon is in a gang | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/22/21(Mon)12:17:43 No.850210784 ► File: AC21B3C4-DFEF-42AF-96B7-D...).jpg (30 KB, 550x550) what the f--- do i do? >be me >in a gang (not a huge one, mainly just minor felonies and s---) >one of my assignments is to steal a bunch of amazon packages from doorsteps >go with another guy, derek >wearing a mask and s--- to check for cameras which he will spray paint over >steal a few packages >ezpz, lots of electronics and some useless s---. good haul otherwise. > fast forward two days > get an envelope in my mailbox > weird since i have all my mail forward to my P.O. box >open it >it's a note telling me to call a number at 6:00 PM today >attached to the note are pictures of my family. >candid shots of them in the lounge and dining room > they live two hours away >ohfuckohshit.jpg >text my friend, ask W-- do i do >he tells me to not respond. get cops involved >obviously don't want to but >just as i'm thinking that i get a text >unknown number >completely different area code >i will never forget what it said >"if you don't respond, your mother will die in her sleep"
Anonymous 03/22/21(Mon)12:17:43 No.850210784 ► File: AC21B3C4-DFEF-42AF-96B7-D...).jpg (30 KB, 550x550) what the f--- do i do? >be me >in a gang (not a huge one, mainly just minor felonies and s---) >one of my assignments is to steal a bunch of amazon packages from doorsteps >go with another guy, derek >wearing a mask and s--- to check for cameras which he will spray paint over >steal a few packages >ezpz, lots of electronics and some useless s---. good haul otherwise. > fast forward two days > get an envelope in my mailbox > weird since i have all my mail forward to my P.O. box >open it >it's a note telling me to call a number at 6:00 PM today >attached to the note are pictures of my family. >candid shots of them in the lounge and dining room > they live two hours away >ohfuckohshit.jpg >text my friend, ask W-- do i do >he tells me to not respond. get cops involved >obviously don't want to but >just as i'm thinking that i get a text >unknown number >completely different area code >i will never forget what it said >"if you don't respond, your mother will die in her sleep"

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Anon is new | /r/Greentext

>be me >be newfag >post s--- greentext how I did /b/? 43 KB JPG 1 Reply / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 03/21/21(Sun)23:03:26 No.850197679 >>850197573 (OP) # Horrible kys f----- 8 KB JPG
>be me >be newfag >post s--- greentext how I did /b/? 43 KB JPG 1 Reply / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 03/21/21(Sun)23:03:26 No.850197679 >>850197573 (OP) # Horrible kys f----- 8 KB JPG

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Anon gets a high five | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/22/21(Mon)06:25:01 No.850206367 >girl in front of me using her hand to block the sun from getting into her eye >me thinking she is trying to high five me >me and girl high five >she looks at me weird >mfw wheni realize
Anonymous 03/22/21(Mon)06:25:01 No.850206367 >girl in front of me using her hand to block the sun from getting into her eye >me thinking she is trying to high five me >me and girl high five >she looks at me weird >mfw wheni realize

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Anon pisses himself | /r/Greentext

No.738861551 07/14/17(Fri)19:05:19 mcgrbr.gif GIF 1.9 MiB 290x162 I got a story about this >be 12 >6th grade >really need to piss >excuse myself from band class >rush to bathroom >lt's all the way on the other side of the school >discreetly holding my d--- closed as I do >arrive >decide to kick down stall door like I'm in the movies >it's f------ occupied >kid s------- frog-style with both feet on the toilet seat >watch his turd quickly retract into his rectum like a scared turtle >the scare causes me to piss myself >mfw
No.738861551 07/14/17(Fri)19:05:19 mcgrbr.gif GIF 1.9 MiB 290x162 I got a story about this >be 12 >6th grade >really need to piss >excuse myself from band class >rush to bathroom >lt's all the way on the other side of the school >discreetly holding my d--- closed as I do >arrive >decide to kick down stall door like I'm in the movies >it's f------ occupied >kid s------- frog-style with both feet on the toilet seat >watch his turd quickly retract into his rectum like a scared turtle >the scare causes me to piss myself >mfw

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Anon is chad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Almost dated a Jewess 08/15/18(Wed)14:40:06 No.47525658 This might be kinda long >be me >be your typical lonely 20-year-old 4channer >never had a gf but have always wanted one to be happy >honestly has brought me to our r9k level of misogyny 40 KB JPG >finally this year in class got near some qt who likes anime and artsy s--- >we hit it off. first time for this happening to me with a girl >she even laughs at my /pol/ memes >end of semester just now and we've decided to share phone numbers to hang this summer and maybe see a Ghibli movie >"want to call it a 'date'?" >"sure," she giggles as she puts her number and name into my phone >her last name is "Sachs" >"wait, you're a Jew?" >"yeah" she laughs >"I don't know about this" and I leave Comment too long. Click here to view the full text. 54 Replies / 11 Images View Thread : Anonymous 08/15/18(Wed)16:33:58 No.47527943 >>47525658 (OP) # Congrats for staying a virgin with us
: Anonymous Almost dated a Jewess 08/15/18(Wed)14:40:06 No.47525658 This might be kinda long >be me >be your typical lonely 20-year-old 4channer >never had a gf but have always wanted one to be happy >honestly has brought me to our r9k level of misogyny 40 KB JPG >finally this year in class got near some qt who likes anime and artsy s--- >we hit it off. first time for this happening to me with a girl >she even laughs at my /pol/ memes >end of semester just now and we've decided to share phone numbers to hang this summer and maybe see a Ghibli movie >"want to call it a 'date'?" >"sure," she giggles as she puts her number and name into my phone >her last name is "Sachs" >"wait, you're a Jew?" >"yeah" she laughs >"I don't know about this" and I leave Comment too long. Click here to view the full text. 54 Replies / 11 Images View Thread : Anonymous 08/15/18(Wed)16:33:58 No.47527943 >>47525658 (OP) # Congrats for staying a virgin with us

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Anon is a detective? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/09/19(Sun)16:28:17 No.801798926 >be about 10 >watched a lot of crime shows >see blood on the floor in the bathroom >like a movie detective stuck my finger in the blood then put it in my 384 KB PNG mouth to taste >yep that's blood >fast forward to adulthood >realize it was almost certainly my mom's period blood >>801799213 #
: Anonymous 06/09/19(Sun)16:28:17 No.801798926 >be about 10 >watched a lot of crime shows >see blood on the floor in the bathroom >like a movie detective stuck my finger in the blood then put it in my 384 KB PNG mouth to taste >yep that's blood >fast forward to adulthood >realize it was almost certainly my mom's period blood >>801799213 #

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anon performs their civic duty | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/22/21(Mon)15:31:11 No.850205024 stopped a r--- today lads >be me >3 hours ago or so >it's 1am >carry a small knife for protection (even though i'm 9 KB JPG a 6' poor looking ugly white guy) >walking through s----- neighbourhood >about another 20 mins from home >suddenly hear a woman scream >sound comes from an alley >quickly move to investigate. >looks like she's tripped over something and cut herself pretty bad >she says her phone has no reception >call her a taxi and keep walking home >don't r--- her i think i did pretty good bros, what do you think?
: Anonymous 03/22/21(Mon)15:31:11 No.850205024 stopped a r--- today lads >be me >3 hours ago or so >it's 1am >carry a small knife for protection (even though i'm 9 KB JPG a 6' poor looking ugly white guy) >walking through s----- neighbourhood >about another 20 mins from home >suddenly hear a woman scream >sound comes from an alley >quickly move to investigate. >looks like she's tripped over something and cut herself pretty bad >she says her phone has no reception >call her a taxi and keep walking home >don't r--- her i think i did pretty good bros, what do you think?

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