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Anon is a step-EMT | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/23/21(Tue)10:52:44 No.850314997 >chilling one day w/ femanon roommates >one of them cleaning stuff at the sink 空 >suddenly starts shrieking >hand is stuck all mangled up in the garbage disposal bastards lied to me 66 KB JPG >trained EMT, I know what to do >run in and pull c--- out >stepbro.exe >"ANON YOU SICK F--- SHE'S BLEEDING OUT, HELP HER" >cops called, charges laid MFW Pornhub lied to me
: Anonymous 03/23/21(Tue)10:52:44 No.850314997 >chilling one day w/ femanon roommates >one of them cleaning stuff at the sink 空 >suddenly starts shrieking >hand is stuck all mangled up in the garbage disposal bastards lied to me 66 KB JPG >trained EMT, I know what to do >run in and pull c--- out >stepbro.exe >"ANON YOU SICK F--- SHE'S BLEEDING OUT, HELP HER" >cops called, charges laid MFW Pornhub lied to me

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Anon begins anew | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/16/18(Sat)12:11:08 No.46152580 >university orientation >"okay everyone, say hello to the person on your right and left, then tell them your name, major, and favorite thing" 114 KB JPG >everyone already talking fervently to the friends they came to orientation with >tap the girl on my right's shoulder, she turns around >"Hi, I'm Anon! I'm majoring in chemistry. What about you?" and extend hand >"Yeah... hi." goes back to talking with her friend >tap the guy on my left's shoulder, he turns around >"Hi, I'm Anon! I'll be majoring in chemistry to start out with and I enjoy playing music, what about you?" >"Okay...?" he turns back around and continues talking New beginning my ass. I want to f----- die.
: Anonymous 06/16/18(Sat)12:11:08 No.46152580 >university orientation >"okay everyone, say hello to the person on your right and left, then tell them your name, major, and favorite thing" 114 KB JPG >everyone already talking fervently to the friends they came to orientation with >tap the girl on my right's shoulder, she turns around >"Hi, I'm Anon! I'm majoring in chemistry. What about you?" and extend hand >"Yeah... hi." goes back to talking with her friend >tap the guy on my left's shoulder, he turns around >"Hi, I'm Anon! I'll be majoring in chemistry to start out with and I enjoy playing music, what about you?" >"Okay...?" he turns back around and continues talking New beginning my ass. I want to f----- die.

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Relatable :( | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/23/21(Tue)15:15:40 No.62877798 >want to play game with friends >suck at said game >even after trying to learn, still suck >they start to get vocal about me I shall never smile again. hindering them I just wanted to have fun with you 9 KB JPG guys
: Anonymous 03/23/21(Tue)15:15:40 No.62877798 >want to play game with friends >suck at said game >even after trying to learn, still suck >they start to get vocal about me I shall never smile again. hindering them I just wanted to have fun with you 9 KB JPG guys

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Anon comes to a realization | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/23/21(Tue)06:50:59 No.62876072 4.jpg 38 KB JPG >Using TikTok lately >Realizing that there's a completely new kind of male hierarchy, which is just a bunch of simp cucks seeking for female validation by being the most feminist >They even do s--- like claiming any man who isn't a feminist is a virgin This is weird as f---.
: Anonymous 03/23/21(Tue)06:50:59 No.62876072 4.jpg 38 KB JPG >Using TikTok lately >Realizing that there's a completely new kind of male hierarchy, which is just a bunch of simp cucks seeking for female validation by being the most feminist >They even do s--- like claiming any man who isn't a feminist is a virgin This is weird as f---.

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Anon had a brain glitch | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/16/18(Fri)20:13:00 No.43912176 Why do women always bring the worst out in men? I mean, yeah. That's not really their fault. This is on us, if anything. But it seems that when we're in the presence of the female gender, we just stop functioning. 467 KB PNG >at con >solaire cosplay >practised praising the sun >squat, extend, arms out, "praise the sun!" >just those four steps >get pictures taken doing this >mostly with other cosplayers >qt wants one >fuckyes.gif >stand next to her >same four steps as always >squat >extend >arms out >brain has a glitch and says "heil hitler!" instead
: Anonymous 03/16/18(Fri)20:13:00 No.43912176 Why do women always bring the worst out in men? I mean, yeah. That's not really their fault. This is on us, if anything. But it seems that when we're in the presence of the female gender, we just stop functioning. 467 KB PNG >at con >solaire cosplay >practised praising the sun >squat, extend, arms out, "praise the sun!" >just those four steps >get pictures taken doing this >mostly with other cosplayers >qt wants one >fuckyes.gif >stand next to her >same four steps as always >squat >extend >arms out >brain has a glitch and says "heil hitler!" instead

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Explain it you in your house | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: Fa4jtvZO ) E 03/23/21(Tue)16:39:07 No.313267206 YOU'RE ALL UNDER ARREST FOR CROSSING AN IMAGINARY LINE ON A GIANT ROCK FLOATING IN INFINITE SPACE 1597433598711.jpg 120 KB JPG Never seen anybody refute this one before. >>313267412 # >>313267485 # >>313267902 # >>313268655 # >>313268672 # Anonymous (ID: AgPawCtM) 03/23/21(Tue)16:41:56 No.313267485 >>313279158 # >>313281743 # >>313267206 >>313287575%23 i'll explain it to you in your house >>313288982 #
: Anonymous (ID: Fa4jtvZO ) E 03/23/21(Tue)16:39:07 No.313267206 YOU'RE ALL UNDER ARREST FOR CROSSING AN IMAGINARY LINE ON A GIANT ROCK FLOATING IN INFINITE SPACE 1597433598711.jpg 120 KB JPG Never seen anybody refute this one before. >>313267412 # >>313267485 # >>313267902 # >>313268655 # >>313268672 # Anonymous (ID: AgPawCtM) 03/23/21(Tue)16:41:56 No.313267485 >>313279158 # >>313281743 # >>313267206 >>313287575%23 i'll explain it to you in your house >>313288982 #

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Anon goes on omegle | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/23/21(Tue)09:36:01 No.850298181 i have played a little prank my dear friends >go on omegle >adults only is only dudes with their 40 KB JPG cocks out >why would anyone wanna waste their time here, it's all dudes sudden realization >if you never see girls you wont come back >BUT that liie hope getting fulfilled might f--- you over >idea time >steal pair of panties from the laundry room >sit on omegle at an angle where i look like a girl rubbing her p---- with panties on (crotch close to screen, use arm to hide d---) >proceed to skip everybody in about 5 seconds i can only imagine how it must feel to go through d--- after d--- and when you finally think you found a real girl get skipped. i hope they keep flipping through trying to find another one for hours and get lost in the coomer wasteland.
: Anonymous 03/23/21(Tue)09:36:01 No.850298181 i have played a little prank my dear friends >go on omegle >adults only is only dudes with their 40 KB JPG cocks out >why would anyone wanna waste their time here, it's all dudes sudden realization >if you never see girls you wont come back >BUT that liie hope getting fulfilled might f--- you over >idea time >steal pair of panties from the laundry room >sit on omegle at an angle where i look like a girl rubbing her p---- with panties on (crotch close to screen, use arm to hide d---) >proceed to skip everybody in about 5 seconds i can only imagine how it must feel to go through d--- after d--- and when you finally think you found a real girl get skipped. i hope they keep flipping through trying to find another one for hours and get lost in the coomer wasteland.

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Anon has some wisdom | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Voice changer 03/22/21(Mon)21:34:15 No.80772170 Anyone knows a VoiceChanger that makes you sound like you are a female? 331 KB PNG : Anonymous 03/22/21(Mon)21:35:12 No.80772178 You will never be a cute anime girl >>80772956 # >>80773025 # >>80776569 # >>80780050 # >>80780546 #
Anonymous Voice changer 03/22/21(Mon)21:34:15 No.80772170 Anyone knows a VoiceChanger that makes you sound like you are a female? 331 KB PNG : Anonymous 03/22/21(Mon)21:35:12 No.80772178 You will never be a cute anime girl >>80772956 # >>80773025 # >>80776569 # >>80780050 # >>80780546 #

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Anon gets cucked | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/23/21(Tue)09:25:49 No.850297827 >be me with a fiance of 5 years >she likes to play beat saber on the scuffed vr headset i have >decide to buy a valve index for birthday >she loves it >she starts to get heavy into vrchat 75 KB JPG >she gets drunk one night and i look over at her screen on her desktop and theres a vrchat window and shes kissing some random eboy in vrchat >What the f--- are you doing?? >get p----- and dip >she writes me a letter the next day saying she wants to explore herself and wants to take a break >she ghosts me for a f------ week >i decide to make us talk,says she wont get into a relationship but she doesnt feel sexually compatible with me anymore >i paid 1000$ so i could get cucked by vrchat catboy fantasies /b/ros, what the f--- do i do, is it even worth trying to save this s---?
: Anonymous 03/23/21(Tue)09:25:49 No.850297827 >be me with a fiance of 5 years >she likes to play beat saber on the scuffed vr headset i have >decide to buy a valve index for birthday >she loves it >she starts to get heavy into vrchat 75 KB JPG >she gets drunk one night and i look over at her screen on her desktop and theres a vrchat window and shes kissing some random eboy in vrchat >What the f--- are you doing?? >get p----- and dip >she writes me a letter the next day saying she wants to explore herself and wants to take a break >she ghosts me for a f------ week >i decide to make us talk,says she wont get into a relationship but she doesnt feel sexually compatible with me anymore >i paid 1000$ so i could get cucked by vrchat catboy fantasies /b/ros, what the f--- do i do, is it even worth trying to save this s---?

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Anon forgets cleanliness is next to Godliness | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/22/21(Mon)10:13:43 No.62862706 >forgot to shower my cumsock again 30 KB PNG : Anonymous 03/22/21(Mon)11:06:31 No.62863182 >>62862706 (OP)# >looks like its that time again >pick up the "sock" >turn on shower >throw it in like a grenade then quickly close the door >the "sock's" stone like texture melts away and the newly rejuvenated sock springs to life > you told yourself that you would have cleaned it sooner but no, you got lazy and now you have to deal with the consequences you have created, >it slams against the door again and again each time leaving a white puddle on the the door >it barks at you like an attack dog >its strikes get weaker and weaker until it calls out in a whimper as the white liquid possessing it has finished spiraling down the drain >dry off sock then use it until you have to do this all over again
: Anonymous 03/22/21(Mon)10:13:43 No.62862706 >forgot to shower my cumsock again 30 KB PNG : Anonymous 03/22/21(Mon)11:06:31 No.62863182 >>62862706 (OP)# >looks like its that time again >pick up the "sock" >turn on shower >throw it in like a grenade then quickly close the door >the "sock's" stone like texture melts away and the newly rejuvenated sock springs to life > you told yourself that you would have cleaned it sooner but no, you got lazy and now you have to deal with the consequences you have created, >it slams against the door again and again each time leaving a white puddle on the the door >it barks at you like an attack dog >its strikes get weaker and weaker until it calls out in a whimper as the white liquid possessing it has finished spiraling down the drain >dry off sock then use it until you have to do this all over again

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Anon gets cucked | /r/Greentext

1. #761398814 2/28/18, 4:54 PM >be me >have low blood count >go to hospital for blood transfusion >o_negativebloodmyguy.fortnite >get 2 units of blood >released next day >spend night with qt gf >have mind blowing consensual sex >realize my d--- was full of someone elses blood >mfw someone else basically f----- my gf >mfw I cucked myself
1. #761398814 2/28/18, 4:54 PM >be me >have low blood count >go to hospital for blood transfusion >o_negativebloodmyguy.fortnite >get 2 units of blood >released next day >spend night with qt gf >have mind blowing consensual sex >realize my d--- was full of someone elses blood >mfw someone else basically f----- my gf >mfw I cucked myself

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Does this count as beastiality? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/22/21(Mon)19:58:26 No.850246348 >Be me, horny >Live in Texas during cricket season >Decide to get out ol reliable, my flashlight >Find me some good p--- >Lube ol reliable up, lube my d--- 26 KB JPG up >Begin slowly sticking my d--- in >Ahhh, feels good >Thrusts hard >Feels a crunch >Too horny to care, it's probably just some old j--- or something >Continue f------ until I c-- inside >Pull out and check the damage >D--- is covered in legs and guts, still twitching
: Anonymous 03/22/21(Mon)19:58:26 No.850246348 >Be me, horny >Live in Texas during cricket season >Decide to get out ol reliable, my flashlight >Find me some good p--- >Lube ol reliable up, lube my d--- 26 KB JPG up >Begin slowly sticking my d--- in >Ahhh, feels good >Thrusts hard >Feels a crunch >Too horny to care, it's probably just some old j--- or something >Continue f------ until I c-- inside >Pull out and check the damage >D--- is covered in legs and guts, still twitching

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For real tho | /r/Greentext

What did he mean by this? Anonymous (ID: tiiG2Fcw 03/22/21 (Mon)06:42:30 No.313158322 >>313158791 >>313158861 >>313158870 >>313159038 >>313159471 >>313159971 >313161299 >>313162500 >>313162789 >>313162972 >>313163280 >>313164335 >>313164347 >>313164565 >313164760 >be head of the propaganda ministry >spend your life portraying jews as >short >ugly >frail >deformed Or: BOLBBEL also >look like this
What did he mean by this? Anonymous (ID: tiiG2Fcw 03/22/21 (Mon)06:42:30 No.313158322 >>313158791 >>313158861 >>313158870 >>313159038 >>313159471 >>313159971 >313161299 >>313162500 >>313162789 >>313162972 >>313163280 >>313164335 >>313164347 >>313164565 >313164760 >be head of the propaganda ministry >spend your life portraying jews as >short >ugly >frail >deformed Or: BOLBBEL also >look like this

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Anon orders pizza | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: 8BkctV43) 03/18/14(Tue)23:52:30 UTC-7 No.537925360 Replies: Alright /b/ so I f----- a pizza girl today (Yes they exist). Here's the story. >Ordering pizza >Pizza hut m----------- >Excited to eat >Nice looking girl appears >The girl is 8/10 >Holy muddafuckin s--- >Erection incoming >D--- is fully erect >Oh s--- >"Ok sir that's gonna be $20" >"Right. Why don't you come inside?" >Girl agrees >Erection is still there >Take $20 >"Ok here you go sexy" >Niggawhatthefuckwasthat.jpg >Think of something to avoid the situation >"Hey so you think im sexy eh?" >ERECTION GETS SUPER HARD >F--- what do I say? >"Let me go get something" >Oh I'm so smooth >Ok so it's my chance to get laid I think >Run back when suddenly >Erect penis gets grabbed >Virginity will be lost >Erotic as f--- >Ready to f--- >"You like the way I feel your c---?" >"Big isn't it?" >"Of course" >D--- goes in her mouth >Yeahthisfeelsgood.jpg >Wonder Woman couldn't suck this good >"Alright Anon. Do whatever you want." >Lick her vagina >Kind of smells >Time to lick some t--- >Hell yeah >Everything about this is awesome >D--- goes in vagina >Itfeelsgood.jpg >Never felt so good in my life >Oh yeah >See that she's enjoying it >About to c-- >Ultimate orgasm >Ready? Look at the first letters of every sentence m8.
Anonymous (ID: 8BkctV43) 03/18/14(Tue)23:52:30 UTC-7 No.537925360 Replies: Alright /b/ so I f----- a pizza girl today (Yes they exist). Here's the story. >Ordering pizza >Pizza hut m----------- >Excited to eat >Nice looking girl appears >The girl is 8/10 >Holy muddafuckin s--- >Erection incoming >D--- is fully erect >Oh s--- >"Ok sir that's gonna be $20" >"Right. Why don't you come inside?" >Girl agrees >Erection is still there >Take $20 >"Ok here you go sexy" >Niggawhatthefuckwasthat.jpg >Think of something to avoid the situation >"Hey so you think im sexy eh?" >ERECTION GETS SUPER HARD >F--- what do I say? >"Let me go get something" >Oh I'm so smooth >Ok so it's my chance to get laid I think >Run back when suddenly >Erect penis gets grabbed >Virginity will be lost >Erotic as f--- >Ready to f--- >"You like the way I feel your c---?" >"Big isn't it?" >"Of course" >D--- goes in her mouth >Yeahthisfeelsgood.jpg >Wonder Woman couldn't suck this good >"Alright Anon. Do whatever you want." >Lick her vagina >Kind of smells >Time to lick some t--- >Hell yeah >Everything about this is awesome >D--- goes in vagina >Itfeelsgood.jpg >Never felt so good in my life >Oh yeah >See that she's enjoying it >About to c-- >Ultimate orgasm >Ready? Look at the first letters of every sentence m8.

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Anon is disappointed at redditors | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/22/21(Mon)18:57:12 No.850270956 ► >>850271455 >>850271935 >>850273548 >>850273756 >>850273937 >>850274139 >Decide to visit Reddit >Tons of bs about how Trump is racist and Biden has never done anything wrong >Decide to troll these f------ >Make comments about Biden's incredibly racist history >One retard asks for proof >Link a video of Biden saying n----- in a senate meeting Banned from Reddit for posting a video that had the n-word in it >mfw W-- redditfags?
Anonymous 03/22/21(Mon)18:57:12 No.850270956 ► >>850271455 >>850271935 >>850273548 >>850273756 >>850273937 >>850274139 >Decide to visit Reddit >Tons of bs about how Trump is racist and Biden has never done anything wrong >Decide to troll these f------ >Make comments about Biden's incredibly racist history >One retard asks for proof >Link a video of Biden saying n----- in a senate meeting Banned from Reddit for posting a video that had the n-word in it >mfw W-- redditfags?

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Anon's asshole spreads far and wide | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous greentext #2238547524395742546(...) 08/13/18(Mon)18:31:04 No.47484032 >be me >play some plague inc >name my disease "my a------" >mfw my a------ is spreading fast >mfw my a------ destroys 8 KB JPG humanity
: Anonymous greentext #2238547524395742546(...) 08/13/18(Mon)18:31:04 No.47484032 >be me >play some plague inc >name my disease "my a------" >mfw my a------ is spreading fast >mfw my a------ destroys 8 KB JPG humanity

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Anon is a horny autist | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 3 minutes ago 850250357 НАНАНА VE HAD ENOUGH! >be me >14 >parents go shopping for a couple hours >l'm left home alone >l get really horny and start thinking of ways I could make wanking feel like the real thing >light_bulb.jpg >remember that i have a vacuum with a plastic tube >l insert my d--- into the tube and flip the power switch on Oh god the pain >l try to take off the tube but can't >by the time I turn off the vacuum my weiner is swollen and red >parents come back home 30 minutes later >l explain to them what happened and they take me to my docter the next day for a checkup My parents threw away the vacuum and they try to pretend it never happened but my brother still brings it up 1 REPLY Anonymous 1 minute ago 850250469 >850250357 (OP) You forgot the part where they diagnosed you with autism for being such a f------ retard
Anonymous 3 minutes ago 850250357 НАНАНА VE HAD ENOUGH! >be me >14 >parents go shopping for a couple hours >l'm left home alone >l get really horny and start thinking of ways I could make wanking feel like the real thing >light_bulb.jpg >remember that i have a vacuum with a plastic tube >l insert my d--- into the tube and flip the power switch on Oh god the pain >l try to take off the tube but can't >by the time I turn off the vacuum my weiner is swollen and red >parents come back home 30 minutes later >l explain to them what happened and they take me to my docter the next day for a checkup My parents threw away the vacuum and they try to pretend it never happened but my brother still brings it up 1 REPLY Anonymous 1 minute ago 850250469 >850250357 (OP) You forgot the part where they diagnosed you with autism for being such a f------ retard

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Anon tries to play warzone | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/23/21(Tue)17:28:15 No.850292647 > be me > download warzone > 194gb > f--- me PEPE OF DUTY > 125mb left > game tiem > 172gb update 56 KB JPG > what the f---
: Anonymous 03/23/21(Tue)17:28:15 No.850292647 > be me > download warzone > 194gb > f--- me PEPE OF DUTY > 125mb left > game tiem > 172gb update 56 KB JPG > what the f---

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Anon is missed | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/22/21(Mon)21:14:36 No.850251504 >Be me, poor student, pretty depressed >Hate london where I go to uni >Went to KFC near flat a ton, am a fat f--- >Move back home cuz pandemic >Depression still not gone, probably am going to be a failure in life >Year later, go to London for the first time in a year for some work >Miss my train back home, fml >Train station is near old flat, goes for old times' sake >Manager says: "hey anon, haven't seen you in a while, how have you been?" >Tf when the KFC guy cares more about me than my friends
Anonymous 03/22/21(Mon)21:14:36 No.850251504 >Be me, poor student, pretty depressed >Hate london where I go to uni >Went to KFC near flat a ton, am a fat f--- >Move back home cuz pandemic >Depression still not gone, probably am going to be a failure in life >Year later, go to London for the first time in a year for some work >Miss my train back home, fml >Train station is near old flat, goes for old times' sake >Manager says: "hey anon, haven't seen you in a while, how have you been?" >Tf when the KFC guy cares more about me than my friends

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Anon beats up a kid | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 02/02/14(Sun)22:39:08 No.530509968 >Be me >First day of first grade >Dont really know anybody >See some girl that looks really 1.42 MB GIF cute >I start walking over >Random kid walks up >Says, yo thats my girlfriend >Girl in back starts laughing >So many emotions come forth >Decide the only logical thing to do is punch the f----- in jaw >Yell, "GET WRECKED F------ >Nurse runs up says, "What have you done?" >Turns out I broke the f------ jaw >Never allowed to teach at that school again.
Anonymous 02/02/14(Sun)22:39:08 No.530509968 >Be me >First day of first grade >Dont really know anybody >See some girl that looks really 1.42 MB GIF cute >I start walking over >Random kid walks up >Says, yo thats my girlfriend >Girl in back starts laughing >So many emotions come forth >Decide the only logical thing to do is punch the f----- in jaw >Yell, "GET WRECKED F------ >Nurse runs up says, "What have you done?" >Turns out I broke the f------ jaw >Never allowed to teach at that school again.

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